do the sex . Welcome to Masturbation Monday with me , annette Benedetti , your host for Locker Room Talk and Chats . This is your invitation to join me for coffee in bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental , physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams . Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure , better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life . Today's Masturbation Monday topic is the top five sex mistakes that couples in long-term relationships or married couples make that are hurting their sex life . Whether you have just tied the knot or you are deep into a long-term relationship , chances are you have encountered some challenges in your sex life . But the good news is you are not alone . According to research , regardless of your sexual orientation , most couples in long-term committed relationships encounter very similar sex life struggles . In fact , I'm going to read off some of the stats to you right now so you can see how , across the board , these challenges when it comes to your sex life and intimacy with a long-term partner are very common . So here's a snapshot of sexual dissatisfaction in long-term relationships , according to orientation , and according to the most recent research For heterosexual couples , around 40 to 50 percent of women report a drop in desire that is often due to routine and lack of novelty . Mismatched libidos affect 61% of couples , leading to frustration , and I know I've gotten a lot of feedback from my listeners when it comes to the mismatched libidos . From my listeners . When it comes to the mismatched libidos For gay male couples , while many engaged in consensual , non-monogamy , satisfaction still drops by 35% after five years , suggesting that relationship dynamics shift over time . For lesbian couples , a drop in sexual frequency affects 50 to 60% , which is famously known as lesbian deathbed , and for bisexual and pansexual individuals like me , 64% experience unmet needs , often due to a desire for more variety . While these stats aren't encouraging , don't despair . I have got the top five reasons that sex lives fizzle for married couples , and I've also got solutions for each that will help reignite the flame before intimacy totally burns out . So let's dive in .
Speaker 1The first most common sex mistake that married couples and people in long-term relationships make is assuming that your partner can read your mind . According to the research , about 75% of couples admit that they assume that their partner knows what their needs in bed are , without ever directly communicating it . If your partner's not a mind reader , they may not pick up on what your desires or fantasies are in bed . This might seem obvious , but it's actually the number one reason that couples experience sexual dissatisfaction . According to a study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy , 67% of couples that experience dissatisfaction struggle with communicating about sex with one another .
Speaker 1Now , communicating about sex may be difficult , but it's absolutely critical to the health of your sex life . So what is the solution ? Well , it's time to get chatty about sex . Save it for pillow talk at night . Talk about your desires , share your interests , watch sexy movies together and share what turns you on with one another . Make sure to add a dash of dirty talk so it feels less like homework and more like fun . I'd like to note that it's really important . Whenever you talk to your partner about sex , you set a scene for a secure situation . That means you don't shame someone for their interests or curiosities . You don't yuck someone else's yum , even if it's something you would never think you'd be interested in . Approach these conversations with curiosity . Feel free to giggle about things that seem strange or that are foreign to you and your own sexual knowledge set . It's all about learning a little bit more about what's going on in each other's minds when the lights go down .
Speaker 1The second most common sex mistake that married couples and couples in long-term relationships make is letting the bedroom become the boardroom Get it Board . Studies show that 60% of married couples report a decline in sexual satisfaction after just three years . Once that initial spark fades , it's easy to start going through the motions Now . Routines are great for a lot of things , but when it comes to sex , they can be a real intimacy killer . So here's a simple solution Try spicing things up with the sex menu exercise . Each partner will write down three things that they want to try and bed . Get ready to start ordering off each other's menu and making reservations for two . Adding new elements to your sex life not only keeps the brain but other parts stimulated .
Speaker 1The third most common sex mistake that married people and people in long-term relationships make is making sex the last priority . Many couples make the mistake of thinking that great sex just happens , but according to a study at the Kinsey Institute , over 70% of the couples that have a satisfying sex life actually prioritize sex . Whether it's setting aside time for sex and intimacy or just making your partner feel desired and wanted , prioritizing intimacy can keep a connection alive . Remember , this is not about scheduling passion . It's about making opportunities for it to thrive . Solution I know you might not love this one , but research has found that partners who schedule sex at least one night a week are more connected and feel more satisfied than those who let it slide . Schedule a naughty date night and prioritize it like you would any other meeting . Make sure the kids are taken care of . If you have kids , put away your phones and create a space to explore with one another . Also , scheduling sex earlier in the evening , before you're completely exhausted , can make a big difference . Schedule a lunch date and catch a nooner . There are so many opportunities to make throughout your week and every day that will help you stay connected and not lose that special spark .
Speaker 1The fourth most common sex mistake that married couples make is not prioritizing physical affection outside of sex . Sex starts outside of the bedroom . I don't know how many times I've said it , but sex doesn't start in the bedroom . Couples who prioritize physical and and emotional intimacy outside of the bedroom fare far better inside the bedroom . Over the long term , it's those small acts of intimacy that really keep the bond alive . So my solution to this issue if you find yourself not engaging in enough intimacy outside of the bedroom is to implement the five-minute rule At its lowest level . The five-minute rule is simply this engage in five minutes of physical and emotional intimacy every day . That is outside of the bedroom and comes with zero expectation of intimacy inside the bedroom after Now .
Speaker 1I think that is the very base level of this exercise . I would say go for five minutes in the morning when you have time , before you're going to work . If you see each other at noon or in the afternoon , five minutes then , and definitely five to 10 minutes in the evening , again with zero expectation that it's going to lead to actual penetrative sex . You want to up your game . Throw in some sexting throughout the day or sexy pictures that you send to one another . Again , there's no expectation that you're going to have sex later on that evening . Now , if it happens , that means you're doing an extra good job .
Speaker 1And finally , the fifth most common sex mistake that couples in long-term relationships and marriages make is shaming each other's desires and avoiding exploration . There's nothing that's going to kill your sex life quicker . Feeling unable to share your desires , wants and needs and fantasies in the bedroom with your partner not only leads to dissatisfaction , but it's a quick road to resentment as well . A study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that 30% of individuals in long-term relationships have fantasies or desires that they've never shared with their partners for fear of judgment . Instead of shaming each other's fantasies and desires , approach these conversations with open-mindedness and curiosity . You might be surprised that you are able to find new levels of connectedness and sexual satisfaction by doing this .
Speaker 1A simple solution to this problem is to set up one day a week for sexperimentation with your partner . Try a new position , get some new toys to try out , try a new technique . Curious about a kink that's out there ? You can give it a soft try . You don't have to jump in to the deep end of some new kink or fetish you've heard about . You can dip your toe in the water and I've got a lot of podcasts about how to do that . But if you're curious , you know you can always drop me a note , send me a voice note or email me and I'll give you some great instruction on how to give something new a try with your partner . Think about it as research . You never know . You may find that there's lots of new stuff out there that you really , really like to do . Listen , keeping sex steamy in a long-term relationship isn't always easy , but it's definitely possible with a little bit of experimentation , a whole lot of communication and some sexy adventure . So if your sex life feels a little stale , try some of the solutions I've offered , and remember the most important thing is to keep connecting , keep communicating and , of course , keep having fun .
Speaker 1If you have any questions or comments about something that you heard in this episode , or you're looking for an intimacy coach to help you and your partner reignite the spark in your sex life , make sure you reach out to me . You can drop a comment below . If you're on my YouTube channel , which is at TalkSexWithAnnette , you can leave me a comment in the notes below this , or you can email me at Annette . At TalkSexWithAnnettecom . You can leave me a comment in the notes below this , or you can email me at Annette . At talk sex with Annettecom , you can always scroll down , click on my speak pipe and send me a message as well . Until next time , I'll see y'all in the locker room . Cheers .