Do the sex . Welcome to Masturbation Monday with me , annette Benedetti , your host for Locker Room Talk and Chats . This is your invitation to join me for coffee in bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental , physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams . Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure , better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life . Today's Masturbation Monday topic is is your sex life stuck in a rut and sucking ? If so , I have four things you can start doing today that are going to get your sex life back on track and perhaps better than it's ever been before .
Speaker 1As a sex and intimacy coach , the number one reason people come to me is that they are unsatisfied with their sex life and their current relationship . Now , it could be that their partner doesn't seem to want to have sex with them anymore . It could be that , even though they're still having some sex , their desires , their fantasies , their sexual and intimate needs are not being met . Or it could be that they have a partner that they absolutely adore , but when it comes time to have sex , they find themselves shutting down , their libido turning off and wanting to avoid connecting intimately . All of these scenarios are super common . If you are currently dealing with one of them , know that you are not alone , and I hear from people every day who are struggling in this way . Now , when people come to me with one of the scenarios I just mentioned , they are usually feeling hopeless and exhausted . They have already tried all of the things to get their sex life back on track . They have read the books , they have listened to the podcasts , they have gone to individual counseling . They have gone to individual counseling . They've gone to couples counseling . In some cases , they've already been to sex therapists and they are still stuck . If you are one of those people and you are feeling stuck right now , know that there is hope and there are things you can still do to get your sex life back on track , and I am going to give you four things you can literally start doing tonight that are going to set the foundation for an incredible sex life in the future .
Speaker 1But before we dive in , I want to remind you that my sex and intimacy how-to videos are now being housed on my Spicy site . That's right , I'm over on OF . I was getting in trouble on other video platforms and also the level of censorship just didn't allow me to give you the information you want , need and deserve in order to improve your intimate life . So you can find me over there at OF , at TalkSexWithAnette that's my handle . You can scroll down .
Speaker 1I'm going to give you all the links in the description of this podcast episode below . That is my subscription-based spicy site . There you not only get those how-tos that are pretty PG , you are also going to find some instructionals going up where you are actually going to see some of the techniques that I'm sharing with you demonstrated . So it's extra spicy over there . Now , if you want access to the how-to videos but you're not ready for the extra spice , totally understand it . I have also put up a spicy site under the handle Annette Talks Sex and there you're just going to get sort of these videos of me talking you through some different how-tos that you can start using to implement in your sex life tonight that are going to massively improve it . So check it out and remember , when you do subscribe , you help keep the lights on in the locker room and also you gain access to a lot of information that is going to improve your sex life , starting tonight .
Speaker 1So now let's dive in . I have four things I'm excited to share with you that , if you start working on right away , are going to help get your sex life back on track . So let's get ready to talk about sex Cheers Now . Each of the four strategies I'm about to share can be done whether you are currently single and only having sex with yourself , or you are in a relationship . These are great things to do , regardless of where you are in your own sex and intimacy journey . So let's get started . The number one thing I want you to start doing right now , as soon as this podcast is over , is getting clear on what sex and intimacy as a space in your life is to you . This is going to be super important for you to know and to be able to share with your partner , and this is going to be super important for your partner to be able to share with you . Now , what do I mean by that ? You would be surprised , when this question is asked of someone , how many people don't know how to answer it when finally pushed to come up with an answer .
Some might say sex and intimacy is a place where I experience love and connection and romantic feelings . It's a very romantic place for me . Others might say . Sex is a sanctuary . It's warm and safe and sexy . It's a world of relaxation , pleasure and connection , away from the daily grind that wears me down . Others might say it's a play space . It's not really about love . To me , it's somewhere where I get to be creative and I can pretend like I'm someone else . I can do things that I wouldn't really do out in the everyday real world . It's somewhere where I get to be creative and I can pretend like I'm someone else . I can do things that I wouldn't really do out in the everyday real world . It's fantastical . It's a fantasy play space . For me .
Speaker 1It's so important for you to know exactly what sex as a space in your life is to you and to be able to communicate that with someone else and understand what it is to them .
Speaker 1One of the reasons why this is super important to know is that it's going to give you some information about where you may align with a partner and how you see and interact with sex , and places where you might not be in alignment with another partner .
Speaker 1Now , not being in alignment with someone else on how you view sex in your life doesn't mean you're not compatible . It's just a point of information . Now , when you ask yourself this question , you really sit with this question . You may be surprised at the fact that you come up with a lot of question marks , and it's okay . Surprised at the fact that you come up with a lot of question marks , and it's okay . It's okay If you don't know . It's a place where you can start exploring and building out that answer for yourself . The cool thing about asking yourself this question and coming up with the answer is this answer can grow and change as you have new experiences , as you build out a relationship with someone else . It is not something that is written in stone and has to stay the way you came up with it in the first place . It's flexible , it's fluid . It can grow and change , which is part of what will happen when you come into relationship with someone else . So sit down with yourself tonight .
Speaker 1If you're currently in a relationship with someone else , this is a great activity to sit down and do together , but separately meaning one of you should not be influencing what the other person says sex is to them . Remember , it's perfectly okay if your answers are very different . The information that we are going to extract from this exercise is going to be invaluable to bringing your sex life back together and getting it back on track . The second thing you can do to immediately start improving your sex life is make sure you know what really turns you on , what really brings you pleasure , what is your arousal map . Now , if you are in a partnership , it's also super important that you know what turns them on , what really brings them pleasure and what their arousal map is . Now one of the best ways I have found for getting that information about myself and about my partners is looking into their sexual blueprint . Now I've done a lot of interviews on this . I've done a lot of videos on this . I have many Masturbation Monday episodes that go over the different erotic blueprints . There are five there is the energetic , there is the sensual , the sexual , the shapeshifter and the kinky .
Speaker 1Erotic blueprints are a great way of categorizing types of arousal , types of pleasure , and what I have found is when people take the quiz , they quickly discover there are certain things that just really get them worked up , really turn them on , and having this knowledge is so important . Knowing what gets you riled up and turned on and what gets your partner riled up and turned on , and where those align and where they don't align , is going to really inform how you move forward with one another , how you turn on your partner when you want to really get them in the mood . It also is going to tell you how you might be turning them off . So take some time to sit down , take that quiz I will link it below but , even more importantly , to really explore that question for yourself , like what are the things that get you juiced up and in the mood ? What are the things you're thinking of or feeling or experiencing in your body when you are having sex or experiencing ? Write it down , get clear and be ready to share that information with your partner .
Speaker 1The third thing I ask my clients to get clear on when they are stuck in a rut in their sex life and want to improve it , is what their ideal sex life would look like Not even ideal what their dream sex life would look like . What would it look like and I'm not talking about kind of a vague outline , I'm talking walk yourself through a day by day of what your sex , intimacy and pleasure filled life would look like . Would it be sex once a day , what would that sex look like ? Where would it take place ? How would it take place ? Who would it take place with ? How would they respond to you ? Like , walk yourself through a day , a week , a year , of what your ideal sex life would look like . Because if you don't know , if you don't have clarity , absolute clarity , how can you bring it into fruition ? How can you share that with a partner and make sure you guys are getting on the same page ? Yes , again , you are going to want to know this information about your partner as well and you're going to want to see where you align and where maybe you don't align . Again , this is just more information for how you get your intimate life back on track or how you started off when you get into a new relationship . Right , if you can start a new relationship with this information at your fingertips to share and have , you're going to set yourself up for a great sex life with your partner .
And finally , the fourth thing that I want you to explore , discover and get clear on is what are the things that are barriers , challenges or breaks , like hitting the brakes to your ability to experience pleasure , breaks to your ability to experience pleasure , to your desire to engage in sex and intimacy ? Touch exploration , what are the things that come up ? We hear from women more often than men are . Stress can be a break or a barrier or a challenge . Feeling like sex is work . But , on the other hand , oftentimes men are like I'm always in the mood , I always want to have sex , but that's because of the way maybe you're looking at sex . You're thinking of sex as P and V intimacy , whereas perhaps your partner is like I want to have romanticism , romanticism turns me on , I want to do this romantic thing .
Speaker 1And that is a challenge for you as a man , as a cis man . The idea of like oh , I've got to do all this work , I've got to like bring you flowers earlier in the day and then I've got to like clean the house so that you're relaxed , and maybe that is shutting you down on an intimate level , and maybe that is shutting you down on an intimate level , like that's where sex starts for your partner , but for you that's where it ends , because , like that's not your thing , that doesn't do it for you . You don't see that necessarily as sex or intimacy . So , understanding where breaks happen along the way , and I think it's really important for people to understand this . Also , when I'm talking about breaks to sex and intimacy , don't forget the intimacy part , because flirting is part of sex .
Speaker 1Remember , foreplay is part of sex and foreplay starts long before you've ever even touched right . It's getting each other in the mood and for a lot of people , what they don't realize is their breaks are starting there . Their challenge is there and they don't wanna do that part . They wanna get to the like the penis in the vagina , the touching of the private parts because that's in their mind what sex is . But for many , many people , and especially women and people with vulvas , intimacy and sex starts way before you even touch and that's where a lot of the breaks are happening for their partners . So getting clear on the things that stop you from moving forward with intimacy , that stop you from moving forward with sex Again , that information is going to be invaluable .
Speaker 1I have given you four things you can start working on tonight and if you get clear on all of those four things and know them inside and out , I guarantee you having that knowledge is going to start improving your sex life right now . Now , if you are in a relationship and you are able to do this with your partner and exchange this information , just exchanging it and knowing these things about your partner is going to immediately improve your sex life . Now , I want this all to come with a warning that what you are going to find out is that there are areas where you and your partner are not in alignment at all , and maybe that feels scary to you at first , but what you're also going to see is where you do align , and that is the yummy space where you two can start working together to create a sex life that's really wonderful for both of you , and understand there are ways , tactics , approaches to growing that sweet yummy space where you do align so that it starts to encompass more . There also are ways that you yourself , on your own , can learn to fulfill some of the needs and desires that perhaps aren't in alignment with your partner's relationship to sex , and I'm going to be sharing a lot more about that . I'm going to be giving you tactics to help set you up for good sexual relationships with partners , but also to help you , if you're currently in a relationship that is struggling sexually , to get your sex life unstuck , and not only just back on track , but to a point where it's exceeding your expectations and dreams for intimacy with your partner .
Speaker 1I'd love to hear your thoughts , any questions , comments . You know what to do . You can drop them in the comment section below . If you're watching this on YouTube , you can message me at Annette at TalkSexWithAnnettecom . You can scroll down to the speak pipe below and send me a voice message . Also , if you are looking for someone to help you get your sex life unstuck , or you would just like a wing woman in your own journey , with your own relationship with pleasure , my books are open . You can go to TalkSexWithAnnettecom and find out more about my intimacy and sex coaching services . I would love to help you out . So until next time , folks , I'll see you in the locker room . Cheers .