Do the sex pleasure and desire Around here . Nothing's off limits . These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chats , our most trusted friends and , of course , the women's locker room . Think raw , honest and sometimes unapologetically raunchy . If you've been here from the beginning , thank you , and if you're new , welcome to my podcast . Where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power . Now let's talk about sex Cheers In honor of National Handjob Day .
Speaker 1Today's topic is the ultimate handjob guide . Let's get real . When was the last time a handjob actually blew someone's mind ? Most people treat them like a warm-up act , a stopgap , a lazy alternative to penetration or oral , and that's exactly why they're often forgettable or flat-out bad . But done right , a handjob can be more intimate , dominant and orgasmic than any other kind of touch . It's direct , it's visual , it puts you in control . And here's the kicker your hands can give someone a kind of pleasure your genitals can't recreate , not with penetration and not with toys . And yet most people are doing the same tired motions
they learned at 17 . So today , on National Handjob Day , we are giving hand sex the respect it deserves , because whether you're stroking a penis , massaging a vulva or exploring a non-binary lover's pleasure map , your hands can be the most erotic , versatile tool you own . And here's the science to back it up A 2013 study from the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that manual stimulation is directly associated with higher orgasm rates and better communication between partners , especially when people feel confident in doing it . That is what this episode is about Not just getting them off , but giving them something they'll crave again tomorrow . But before we dive in , I want to remind you that I am over on OnlyFans and there I am sharing my sex and intimacy how-tos and demonstrations , along with audio-guided self pleasure meditations all designed to help you start having better sex tonight and more pleasure . You can find me over on Substack doing a whole lot of the same and I'm in both places under the same handle at TalkSex with Annette . Now you can also scroll down to the description of this episode and you're going to find a link to all of the places you want to find me there . All right , let's get ready to talk about hand sex Cheers .
Speaker 1So we're going to start by setting the scene . We're going to turn your hands into erotic instruments . Let's start with the basics your hands
Before you touch anything , they need to feel warm . Cold is a buzz kill . They need to feel smooth . Clip your and moisturize . Remove calluses . Clits are very , very sensitive .
Speaker 1Lube is not an option . It's the magic . Lube reduces friction , increases sensation and makes your partner feel relaxed , safe and turned on . For penises , silicone or hybrid lube is the best . It's long lasting and it creates a wonderful glide For vulvas . Water-based or pH safe lube . It's gentle , it's compatible with everything and that's going to be best for our people with vulvas .
Speaker 1So next we're going to set the mood . Don't rush in like you're rewiring a light switch , light a candle , play a dirty playlist . Look them in the eye and say don't move . I'm going to make you feel everything . Now we're ready . So we're going to start with penises , from the tease to the technique .
Speaker 1Giving a good handjob to man is not just about up and down . This is an orchestration . Here's your five-step handjob technique map . We're going to start with your grip game . Start with loose fingers and lots of lube . Grip too tight and they'll feel pressure , not pleasure . Instead , build the squeeze gradually as arousal arises . Think gentle at the tip , firmer near the base . Use your non-dominant hand to anchor the base and tease the underside . And here's a bonus move Use your palm to twist slightly at the top . Think salt grinder , but sexier . Second , use both hands . One hand strokes , the other hand . It gets to explore . You're going to explore the balls , cup and tug gently . You're going to want to ask your partner what feels good when it comes to their balls . Don't just go in aggressive . Then explore the perineum . It is a nerve-rich and super sensitive area . You can press just behind the balls and really light them up . Then you can also explore the inner thighs firm strokes while you tease the head of the penis . The more places you activate , the faster and deeper the orgasm .
Speaker 1Next , mix up the rhythm . Here's where most people mess up . They find one speed and they stick to it Instead . Think of it like dancing . You start with a slow tease , then you move into a medium rhythm , then there's a brief stop , slow again and then a fast twist right at the end . Varying rhythm keeps the brain on alert and research shows that surprise increases dopamine . And research shows that surprise increases dopamine , which fuels arousal and climax .
Speaker 1And don't forget to talk dirty with your hands . Add vocal layering . Say things like your cock looks so good in my hands , or don't you dare come yet , or tell me when you're about to lose it . Language turns a handjob into domination . You're not just touching them , you're owning them . And finally , when you're at the finish line , you've got two options Let them come in your hands , make eye contact , stroke through the orgasm , whisper something filthy . Or , number two , stop right before and edge them into madness . Either way , stay present . Don't treat the orgasm like a period on a sentence . Hold them , praise them , make it feel earned . All right , let's talk about vulva magic hand techniques that actually work . Now I've already created several how-to episodes on how to touch a clit , how to give a yoni massage . I'm going to tag them below , so make sure to go and watch those videos for a very in-depth how-to on how to pleasure someone who has a vulva .
Speaker 1But we're going to go over some basics right now . Let's be clear the vulva is not a dial you twist until
something happens . This is orchestration meets patience , meets sensory intelligence . And here's how to make her body melt . Number one warm up everything . Start nowhere near the genitals . You can start with the inner thighs , the belly , the breast , the neck , the lower back . This activates her full arousal network , which is essential because women require longer arousal buildup for deep , pleasurable orgasms . Here's a fact According to the Kinsey Institute , it takes most women 20 minutes of foreplay to reach peak arousal . So if you're skipping the step , you're sabotaging the whole thing .
Speaker 1So now let's talk about the vulva massage . Now here's a quick basic vulva massage that you can use when you're giving a woman a hand job . Start with your flat palm , adding pressure over the vulva mound . Then move to using two fingers to trace the outer lips slowly and softly . Include some exploration , get to know her body . You can add in some gentle tugging on the inner lips Not painful , we're just teasing here . Use more lube than you think . This isn't about being fast , it's about being thorough . Remember the clit isn't a joystick . Treat it like a jewel .
Speaker 1When you're ready to head towards the clit , here are three techniques that will earn you an A in bed . First , try the spiral . Use a slick fingertip to trace tiny circles around the clit , never directly on it . Then try the tap and drag . Include some light tapping on the clit , mixed with soft downward pulls . And for women and people with vulvas who are especially sensitive , try the hood pull . This is a layering type of approach . You're going to gently tug on the clitoral hood up and down . It's sensitive and protective . So if your partner has a particularly sensitive clit , they will get pleasure out of this , but they won't get overstimulated or experience pain .
Speaker 1So here's a bonus tip Whisper what you are doing , say , tell me if this is too much or not enough Psychologically , giving her agency equals , faster , more satisfying orgasms . And finally , use penetration as an optional add-on . If she is ready , slowly insert one or two looped fingers , palm up , use a very subtle come here motion . It's more like a gentle tug to stroke the G spot while your other hand stays on her clit . Sink your rhythm and if she moans louder or moves towards you , you've struck gold . If not , back off , go slow again , tease her into begging .
Speaker 1So next let's go beyond the binary and talk about handjobs for all bodies and all people . Not everyone's parts look the same , but pleasure maps exist for all bodies and here's how you can adapt . Ask what words feel right . So penis might feel okay for someone , clit , the other some people like front hole , cock , etc . Make sure you're honoring what feels best to your partner . Next , check in about pressure and lube .
Speaker 1Some bodies get really overstimulated . Focus on nerve ridges , zones , inner thighs , nipples , perineum , shaft-like areas , anus , neck , and use a flat palms and rhythm , not just fingertips , especially for dysphoric days . Remember , it's not about technique
. It's about presence , permission and power . This is where it's really important to be good at communication and to be able to talk to people about what feels best in their body . You might be surprised at how different all bodies are , regardless of identity , and a good handjob it can bring pleasure to all bodies . So here's your National Handjob Day Challenge Tonight give a handjob like it's a fucking art form , not a favor , not a placeholder , a fully embodied erotic gift , whether it's a penis or a vulva or a bit of both .
Speaker 1Use your hands to worship , to tease , to own and to awaken . Start with lube , add intention and watch what happens . When someone realizes you can bring them to the edge with nothing but your fingers and a look that says I know exactly what I'm doing . After you've tried one of my techniques , tell me what you did and how it worked . Or did I miss a tip that's really important for my listeners to know about ? Drop it below Now .
Speaker 1If you are looking for a wing woman , a cheerleader or perhaps a sex and intimacy coach a cheerleader or perhaps a sex and intimacy coach I'm your girl . I have my books open for coaching now , and if you want to find out more about that and how I can help you in your own pleasure journey , just head to TalkSexWithAnettecom and check
out my information there . You can also always email me to Annette at TalkSexWithAnettecom , or you can head to the description below this episode and click on my speak pipe link and send me a voice note and I will get back to you as soon as possible . Until next time , I'll see you in the locker room . Cheers .