Super Dede Down Go Boom: Military Man, It’s Okay to Ask for Help

Hey Family,

Thanks for your continue support on this journey

This weeks show is about the willingness to allow ourselves to ask for and receive help and/ or support, even when everything when in us is pulling us to be a martyr for no reason at all.


Enjoy the show.


Be blessed.  Not stressed.  Why?

Because yours and their lives depend on it.

Aminah  Amarachi- Your host

https://linktr.ee/findingjoywithinthejunctures


2021-2022 © JITMOIA Podcast  by All Paths Lead Home, LLC/SLE (TM)  – All Rights Reserved

Transcript

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S1E21 - “Super Dede Down Go Boom: Military Man, It’s Okay to Ask for Help”

Intro Music: Royalty Free

Promo: BuzzSprout Services 

Aminah: Grand risings and runnings, family, and welcome back to our Joy in the Midst of It All podcast show.  I am your host - Aminah Amarachi.

Before we begin our journey,

I would like to take this time to thank you all for your continued patience and support as I have embarked upon this podcasting journey. I look forward to creating more wonderful seasons and episodes, yet after we celebrate the one year anniversary of Joy in the Midst of It All, I will be doing that which I always spoke about on this show, taking a much needed self care break, in order to finish up a few other projects, and just be present in my own presence. I will post the final episodes of this first season between now next Thursday, which will be our one year anniversray, and I look forward to continuing our journey, together in the first part of 2023.

Now, let’s continue our journey…

Have you ever found yourself or your loved one trying to present a strong front, or face, as if all is well, when really it’s not, and you, or your loved one, could use some much needed support. HELP is a complete request, statement, or CALL...Yep...I said a CALL…It’s a CALL to action...by you or your loved one, for God or those earth angels that God sends your way to H.E.L.P.

Somewhere, along the way, I learned that there was a distinction between the words help and support. Help is sometimes viewed as being offered when the other person didn’t even ask you for it, while support is oftentimes viewed as having been asked for by the other person. The hope is that the person or organization that provides help and/ or support understands that on some level that person or family, who is making the request, may or may not understand that on some spiritual level they already have what they need, within themselves, yet may or may not realize how to unlock that part of themselves, or may be hesitant to do so, for whatever their reason.

Now, I can attest to having witnessed both of these in action, so for me, I believe, at this momen,t that the help you offer doesn’t rob another person of their dignity when they are in a CRISIS situation. Now, A CRISIS situation may be subjective, in perspective, depending on each person’s point of view, yet I view it as one in which the other person, in an emergency type moment, may not have the voice to communicate their need for help and time is of the essence ie a life or death situation. In this situation, go ahead, go forth Be compassionate and HELP.

As for support, I believe this to be a valid way of moving through life as well. Why? Because oftentimes, when we ask for support, we do so because a) the skill set needed for a particular task may not be in our wheelhouse or toolbag, b) we may be overwhelmed with so many other tasks that we are asking so as to lighten our load, or c) we believe that the solution to our challenge, which we may or may not view as a MAJOR crisis, is outside of our own personal knowing (from within) and personal power. 

Within a spiritual framework, and whether we are aware of it or not, at any given moment, I come to believe that we each have everything we need to be our own best solution for any, if not many, challenges that we face, yet we often don’t trust our own knowledge, wisdom, discernment, or abilities...meaning that we lack faith in ourselves, so we seek out others who we think have the credentials, training, degrees, status, power, position, or experiences that we may feel that we lack to do things for us that we could actually, and may be divinely be guided to do for ourselves as a way of growing forth in our own life’s journey.  Consider this when requesting support. 

Now, what tends to drive the latter…asking for support...you know, our feelings as if we don’t have within us what we need to support ourselves comes from a place within us which has been wounded by the words or actions of others.  Remember that the phrase sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.  That is a lie.  Words have the power of life or death. Even if they chip away at your life, bit by bit. That's Proverbs 18:21. Check it out if you will. So, please stop excusing the verbal disrespect, disregard, and abuse of each other as if they don’t leave scars on folks spirits, souls, or beings.

An example of this is when somewhere along the way, another person - family member, peer, or person in a role deemed to be a caring authority - has torn you down by telling you what they THOUGHT that you couldn’t do, wouldn’t do, or weren’t worth. Worse, even still, they DID see your greatness, brilliance, capacity for love, light and peace, your genuineness of being, you know it walks right in the room with you. They see you walking boldly in your destiny, coming from a mile away, and around the corner - because that what God’s light personified looks like in each of us - and they got scared, so they tried their darndest to suppress, belittle, and douse your light…why?  Because of their own fears about using their own inner power to let go of the darkness they have clothed themselves in, or allowed others to clothe them inwhich has been covering up their own light, rather than peel back the curtains off of all that darkness and allow the fullness of their own light to shine.  

Wow! What would life be like if EVERYONE, like the sun, let their light shine upon the Earth, both within themselves, and with each other.  Now, that’s some Powerful life affirming something to witness right there. That I would love to see.

So, because of their constant attempts to clothe you in their darkness, you may have taken on some of those false labels, along the way, which have weighed you down and driven the very choices that have shown up as the outcomes in our lives. Which is a journey in itself, especially if it’s been going on since you were a child.

Well, in today's episode, our Dede, Super Dede, the Military Man, while on his Alzheimer’s journey, was faced with a situation which was birthed out of a convergence of both some words some folks spoke at him, about him, around him, or some actions other folks exacted upon him or he witnessed being exacted upon his loved ones, as a child, and as a young man.

Some folks assumed that he wouldn't go to college, hmm...yet he was the only one of all his siblings – total of thirteen, eight who became adults - to attend. He would have finished had ne not been drafted the second year of his senior year, and then life happened.

Some elders told him that he should just stay home and help his Dede raise his older sisters' children, as if he had no dreams of his own. 

In essence, folks, consciously or unconsciously, attempted to clip our Dede’s wings so that they would feel justified, fearfully or otherwise, with their past choices to stay stuck in one place and not soar in their own lives, so they wanted to have company in their misery. The colloquial term for this is “crabs in a barrel.”

If you have even considered the happenings that go on down in a crab barrel.  Go own, go stop on over at the market and see for yourselves.  What you will see are a bunch of crabs constantly pulling on each other...ie pulling each other down into the barrel.  The few that try to climb up to get to the top, even better yet, get out of the barrel are yanked back down.  Now, it also may appear that some are climbing over others to do so.  I'll let you marinate on that metaphor as you may have seen in life, because one has one outcome, the other has another. 

Most interesting is that most of them NEVER make it, NOR even try to get up, to get out.  They just settle down into the mish mash of entanglement, get comfortable with being a part of their same ole crowded and chaotic existence, and accept whatver fate, F.A.T.E. which comes along…hmm…then ultimately find themselves landing in a pot of hot boiling water and becoming a meal on someone’s dinner table. Yeah, it’s these folks, oh did I mean to say crabs, that don’t want others to seek freedom so they latch onto them and try to pull them back down in the barrel. Why? Because if that ONE crab, ie person, frees itself, then each of the others MUST stop, accept the TRUTH, tand turn around and look at all the choices in their own lives, and opportunities to FREE themselves from their comfort zones – LIVES. ie Help themselves.

Now, couple this with our Dede being the son of a sharecropper, during a time in which some folks thrived off of attempting to diminish, disregard, and disrespect our Dede, and his Dede, our Grandpa, right in front of each others eyes.

Even though Grandpa had only a third grade education, he was a wise man. He always said, “Book sense without common sense, ain't no sense.” and no matter what those folks attempt to do to douse his light in order to make him appear small, ie less of a man, in front of his child’s eyes, time and time again Grandpa Doc proved that no person, situation, circumstance, offer or refusal would diminish his dignity, as a man of God.

Even so, those moments left our Dede feeling some kind of way, and led to him making some life choices that both led him to leap far beyond what others had expected of him and while at other times he made some choices simply out of trying to disprove the labels others had placed upon him, if nothing more than to himself, and hopefully to other people...you know, family that he thought wanted the best for him, only to find himself in a pickle or two, that left him with some life lessons that even I am still undoing for myself.  Remember children do what their parents do, regardless of what they tell them to otherwise do differently because a child always wants to be like their parents. And, now it's my turn to make the choices that will leap me forward in my life, out of different crab barrels.

Today’s Episode: “ Super Dede Down Go Boom: Military Man, It’s Okay to Ask for Help

The year: 2010

The date: The day our Dede, the Military Man, fired his Physical Therapist...Yep, he did.

Scene: Our front yard driveway...Dede was in route to the mailbox...which is on a downhill slope...without his cane...

The Story:

During the first year or two of Dede's journey through Alzheimer’s, he was receiving some occupational and physical therapy services, in his home. The occupational therapist was supporting him with adaptive skills in order to better care for his daily living skills, and being able to navigate around his home. The physical therapist focused on rehabbing Dad’s gross motor skills, which were waning due not only to his Alzheimer’s journey, yet also, the number of strokes that he had journeyed through up until that point, and years of not exercising and taking care of his own health, because he had been a caregiver to our Mom, while working fulltime, and raising children. It was also why he had to use a cane, when walking around the house, climbing up and down stairs, or navigating his driveway for that matter…well…let’s just say that things that day didn’t go as he had planned.

Stay tuned for more right after our first spotlight moment.

Spotlight Moment #1:

Today's first spotlight moment is ….for our Dede’s Physical Therapist, Ms. Susan Smith

Ms. Susan was a wonderful woman who would come to our house to elp Dede move his limbs. She'd put him on his back do the byccyle peddling and stretch his legs. She would try to get him to do a plank and things I don't think he'd done except nor since leaving the military. Yeah. Well, thanks to Ms. Susan, Dede was able to maintain a lot of his strength as he walked along his journey through Alzheimer's. Thanks, Ms. Susan, for all you did for our Dede and our family.

Welcome Back Family

Our story continues with Dede finishing up his physical therapy session with Ms. Susan, and then getting ready to go outside to sit in his favorite chair, in his driveway.  A driveway with a slight incline I might add.  LOL...As Ms. Susan was getting her things packed up to go, our Dede proclaimed to her, “I don’t need your help anymore.  I am a military man.”  Ms. Susan and I looked at each other, smiled, and let him be on his way to go sit out in his yard to enjoy his favorite pastime - people watching.  

Now, while sitting outside, Dede decided to go down the driveway. He wanted go see what was in the mailbox. And, thanks to the journey of Alzheimer’s, he didn’t use his cane to navigate going down the driveway.  And, as such didn’t have it with him when trying to make his way back up the incline of that said driveway.  His cane was parked right next to his favorite chair. Yep. There goes that Military Man.

Well, let just say Super Dede Down Go Boom.  We looked out the window and there he was lying on his back, head facing down hill, just laying there.   Thank God he had strong bones and hadn’t hit his head on that concrete ground.  Yet, though he was in need of help, he either didn’t want to ask or didn’t remember how to ask us for it. So, he just laid there.

So, we went out to help him up, get him his cane, and then situate him in his chair.  I asked Dede, “What happened?” That’s when he tells us that on his way back up the driveway, he lost his balance, and fell backwards.  Remember, that by this time our Dede walked with a wide and awkward gait - another more than just loosing your memory impact of the Alzheimer’s journey.  Hence his need for the cane to stabilize him when he was walking, which was becoming progressively worse, on top of the continued decline in his cognitive abilities.

Needless to say, all was well, and the Military Man received the help that he needed in a moment when he couldn’t or wouldn’t voice his need to anyone.  Thank God for earth angels.

My Reflections:

Each of us, at some point along our journey have found ourselves believing what others tell us about who they THINK we are AND who and what they EXPECT us to do, be AND so forth FOR THEM, rather than getting to know ourselves as our Creator knows us and walking solidly within ourselves, on that knowing about who we are and what we expect of and from ourselves, in life.  So, we wonder through our lives seeking validation from others, or trying to prove to others who they say we are or are not supposed to be based on what they tell us we must or must not be, can or cannot do, have or can not have, or be valued or not valued for, or what we try to do. So we spend our time trying to fit our larger the life light filled selves down into their small mental and physical dark clothed life boxes, right along with them, crammed in a box, that they have chosen to remain enclosed within, so that they don’t feel the weight of their own living small, and as such dim our own light for them.  Two lights gone out. Think about that.

Be careful when other folks try to put their expectations of who they want you to be for them, around them, for their benefit, on you, when that ain’t got nothing to do with your thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and expectations for and about yourself. You can recognize them from a mile away. How? Because the moment you begin to leap forward into your light, they start to try to pull you backwards or down.  In how they speak to you or about you to others. How they try to sabbotage what you are working on or doing. How they try to dismiss your thoughts. How they try to do anything and everthing to keep you where they are. Now, take a look around you and chew, brew, stew, or spew on that, then make the necessary adjustments. If you get my drift.

My Insights:

Some invitations, especially those that invite you to dim your light, play small, cloak or clothe ourselves in darkness - by the choice of what we let into our spirits, hearts, minds, and out of our mouths and into our lives, through what we watch, listen to, talk about, and who we interact with - are not worth RSVPing to, let alone accepting.  I call this being lethally loyal to limited thinking, believing, speaking, responding, and living. You have a choice. ALWAYS, and in ALL WAYS of which invitations that are even opened and/ or accepted in your life. Note: You then become responsible for the havoc and mess those parties leave behind in your and in your world.

Now, family, it’s time for our second spotlight moment.

Spotlight Moment #2:

Our second spotlight moment is for Ms. Kelly, our Dede's occupational therapist. My apologies Ms. Kelly as I don't recall your last name, nor have it on hand. She assisted our Dede with maintaining his fine motor and everyday living skills. Without her support, our Dede might have begun to lose his abilities to dress himself, or feed himself, much sooner, rather than much later – which he eventually did. Thanks, Ms. Kelly, for being a blessing to our family.

We’re back, family…

Take-a-Way: 

Whether you are a caregiver or the one being cared for, consider embracing opportunities when God has sent angels, on Earth, to help and/ or support you, and be willing to to allow yourself to be vulnerable to receive the help or support you need, sometimes when you know you need it, and other times because you are so deep in the midst of your own journey that you may not even realize that you do. God always has a way to lighten your load if you allow it.

Tip:

For once, allow yourself to be supported, when you least expect it. And, even if it may not look like what you thought God's help would look like, through those earthly angels.. Sometimes we miss our blessings, because we allow our preconceived notions of what God looks like when God shows up. We then tie God's hands when He is trying to lift your burdens and bear the load for us.

Tool:

Today's tool is willingness. Be willing to unclench your fist, and untie God's hands, so that your blessings of help or support can flow abundantly into and for you and the one you are caring for. God never asked you to be a martyr or prove anything to Him, as a caregiver, so if you are doing this damage to yourself, it will ultimately leave you, and maybe even the one you are caring for worse for wear.

Toss:

Just for one morning, half a day, or two, get up, get you and the one you are caring for dressed, grab your favorite snacks, sandwich chips, drink, whatever, or go pick them up, and just go sit out at a park or a children's playground or on the grass at an art museum, and enjoy the fresh air and meal together. Watch for the wonder in your loved ones, and your own eyes, and heart, when you are focused on something light and joy filled. Something more than just your shared journey. Go on, refresh yourselves.

Closing:

In closing, I’d like to take this time to thank you all, both my seasoned and new followers, for spending your time with me on today’s Joy in the Midst of It All journey podcast show.

Now, take a moment to tap the button on your favorite podcast streaming platform to tune in, then click to follow and finally rate the show by clicking on the stars (scroll down) and leave a review. This let's me know what you would like for a future show and how you like the show. Thanks in advance for your support. 

You will also receive updates when a new episode is released.  We release an episode every second and fourth Thursday of the month. OK. So, go ahead and tag a family caregiver, or a few, if you know them, and tell them one thing you have learned today, or from any previous episode, that will support you, and maybe them, in moving through the caregiving journey with more ease, no matter who or how God has chosen for you or them to offer your gift of caregiving to your loved ones.

Then, blaze a trail on over to my podcast website, on Buzzsprout, for the show notes, transcript, and any links, and if your heart so leads you tip me what I like to call a “Cup of J.O.E. (A jolt of encouragement and support),” over at my Buy Me a Cup of Coffee website link. Understand, though, I do prefer a great cup of tea and lemonade...you know... Arnold Palmer...for sure... You will see the link in the show notes. Thanks for your patience as I am still building it out that website. Podcasting is also a new journey for me. And, I look forward to continuing that journey with you in the new year.

I am your host Aminah, and I want you to be blessed and less stressed...Why?, because yours and their lives depend on it. Have a great day.

Outro Music: Royalty Free

Tags: Support, Physical Therapy, Military Man, Interdependence, Occupational Therapy, Help, Trust, Crabs, Barrel, Invitations, Expectations

2021-2022 © JITMOIA Podcast  by All Paths Lead Home, LLC/SLE (TM)  – All Rights Reserved