Lead In 30 Podcast

Critics And Coaches: Who You Listen To And How It Impacts You

• Russ Hill

Share episode

Ever find yourself fixating on that one harsh critique while ignoring dozens of positive comments? You're not alone. This deeply human tendency to focus on criticism over praise affects leaders at every level—and it could be holding you back from your full potential.

Through candid personal stories about receiving feedback on an upcoming book and observing a woman's extreme reaction to a tiny nail in a gym sauna, we explore the critical distinction between constructive feedback and chronic criticism. The first builds leaders and fuels growth; the second only drains energy and creates paralysis.

What many leaders don't realize is that generating some criticism is actually a positive sign. Drawing from experience in the media industry, we reveal why the optimal feedback ratio isn't 100% positive—it's closer to 75-80% positive and 15-25% negative. This balance indicates you're taking meaningful positions rather than playing it safe with bland, forgettable leadership that inspires no one.

The key skill for every leader to develop is discernment: knowing which voices to listen to and which to filter out. Just as consumers looking at product reviews know that items with exclusively five-star ratings often seem suspicious, leaders should be wary of seeking universal approval. The goal isn't to eliminate all criticism but to learn which feedback genuinely helps you grow.

Whether you're leading a team of thousands or simply leading yourself, mastering this distinction will transform how you receive input and ultimately determine your success. Stop giving loud critics more attention than informed advisors, and start using constructive feedback as the powerful fuel it can be for your leadership journey.

--
Get weekly leadership tips delivered to your email inbox:
Subscribe to our leadership email newsletter
https://www.leadin30.com/newsletter

Connect with me on LinkedIn or to send me a DM:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/russleads/

Tap here to check out my first book, Decide to Lead, on Amazon. Thank you so much to the thousands of you who have already purchased it for yourself or your company!

--
About the podcast:
The Lead In 30 Podcast with Russ Hill is for leaders of teams who want to grow and accelerate their results. In each episode, Russ Hill shares what he's learned consulting executives. Subscribe to get two new episodes every week. To connect with Russ message him on LinkedIn!



Speaker 1:

Constructive feedback versus chronic criticism One you should be seeking and listening to. The other you should be completely ignoring who you're listening to, why it matters and how it's impacting your ability to succeed and lead in this episode.

Speaker 2:

This is the Lead in 30 podcast with Russ Hill. You cannot be serious. Strengthen your ability to lead in less than 30 minutes.

Speaker 3:

Lead through change. Choose to be powerful. Make decisions faster and with buy-in. Check out the new 30-day leadership courses now available from Lone Rock Leadership. You can watch the preview videos right now at lonerockio.

Speaker 1:

You can find out all about them at lonerockio our three new courses Welcome in to the Lead. In 30 podcast, in less than 30 minutes, we give you a framework, a model, a story, an example, a best practice, something to incorporate in the way that you lead others. I'm Russ Hill. I make my living coaching, consulting senior executive teams at some of the world's biggest, most amazing companies in all kinds of different industries, and I'm part of the team at Lone Rock Leadership. At Lone Rock Leadership, again, you can find out more about we got two parts of our business the executive team consulting and the off the shelf leadership solutions, these courses that you can purchase for your mid-level managers. All of that's at lonerockio.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so two recent experiences that I want to share with you and why they're on my mind. This is so important, you all, and it is not easy. It's not easy to to, um, to do this, to what to, to do what I'm, what I'm advocating in this episode, um, so let me share the experiences, then we'll go into the uh, the principle and stuff, stuff and then and then some call to actions, if you will. So, um, we've got the book, our next book, coming out soon, right, like in the next several weeks. So we're just going through these, this process. You all, don't you like? There's a part of the design process that I absolutely love, like I'm talking about the design, the cover design and there's a part that I despise. So we uh, I think we're on round three or four of the cover designs and I still don't like any of them. I'm like, ah, it's like we're, we're not and and and.

Speaker 1:

So then you get back to the designer and we hired this firm out of nashville and so, okay, um, no, it's not that one do it this way. And then they, they go to work and it takes them a few days and they get you some new ones. Like ah, no, like yeah, that's closer, but it's like three percent closer and I wanted to be like 95 percent there. Uh, it's just it's. You just want to take what's in your head and you want to just say it to that designer. You want to just come back with some immediate designs and I can't wait for AI to get good at this. Ai just sucks at it to the most part, but you can see the day and age where AI is going to be really, really good at it. But, visually, most AI tools that I've seen just are not there yet. Occasionally they'll output something like whoa. That's pretty good, but that I've seen just are not there yet. Occasionally they'll output something like whoa, that's pretty good, but most of you are like, uh, yeah, not so much.

Speaker 1:

Um, so anyway, we're, we've got the design going on and then we've got the advanced copy. So all 70,000 words or whatever it is, um, we've, uh, we've gotten out to a group of 30 to 40 executives, layers of of organizations that um at, at companies that we work with or that we uh that are, that are um, we're aware of and um, and so we're at the point now. So you give them that, you give them the advanced manuscript right, it's not final. Then you have them. This is the whole point. I'm getting to criticism and feedback. This is what it made me think about it again.

Speaker 1:

Um, so you get the manuscript out to people and then we, we create this, this feedback um spot, right, so they go, they log in and they, they take five in these executives. They don't have time to to to, they got companies to run, business units to run, so you can't ask too much of them, but you want them to weigh in and give some feedback. So, um, the the feedback's been coming in the last two weeks, like the forms are getting submitted, they're filling it out, and so you got about half of these folks that we've asked for feedback that are high level senior executives in Fortune 50, fortune 100 companies and the real deal, right, like just unbelievable that they would even take time to do it. And and then, and then we've got mid-level managers and folks in HR and L and D and that are giving us feedback too, and some of those are, you know, executives, and some of them are just lower on the org chart and um, and and maybe newer at what they do or whatever it might be. And so the feedback's coming in and some of it's quantitative and some of it's qualitative, right, so you're asking them for a rate this.

Speaker 1:

So, for instance, one of the first questions is on a. We're doing like the Amazon scale, right, like one to five stars, and so you look at these reviews and you get four stars, four and a half stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, four stars, four stars, two. Wait what? Five stars, five stars, five stars, four, four, four, four, four, five, five, two. You're like what? Okay. So which one? You know where I'm going on this, because I'm talking about you. I'm talking about how this applies to all of us. I'm talking about how this applies to your mid-level managers and leaders throughout your organization. But let's talk about you for a minute.

Speaker 1:

Which one of those reviews that I decided you're looking at this data flowing in which one of those are you clicking on first? Which one are you going to read first? Don't lie, you know what it's what it is. It's the two star, right, it just grabs your attention. You're like wait, someone just called our baby ugly. Someone just said this book sucks, sucks. Someone just said what I spent the last four years working on is a piece of crap, and you know that I spent whatever there's, all these processes to writing a book. And so, um, you're like okay, click on that two star. Okay, you're reading through it. And they're like and let me give you an example. So some of them are like ah, this is, and they're not anyone that gives you, like, a two-star review like that. They are not mincing words, they are coming in with spears and arrows, with sharp points, and so this sucks.

Speaker 1:

That could have been better, and in the introduction. You said this, but you then you didn't deliver on this. And where are the end notes and all the chapters? And why isn't this cited? And where's that? And I didn't think this was great and you need to redo that. Whatever, you're like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, like.

Speaker 1:

And then we, we, we kept the uh, the feedback anonymous, right, because we wanted right, cause we wanted people to be just, we want them to be unleashed. We didn't want them to go, you know, like some senior executive that we've worked with for 14 years or eight years or whatever and we've got a great relationship with. We didn't want them to hold back and worry about offending us and saying something that you know, might, might, um, that they worry, might we might take the wrong way anyway. So you don't, you want to know, you want to know who is this person, who is this person that wrote the two-star review? And then you're reading through it and and you're like, oh, that's interesting.

Speaker 1:

Okay, well, maybe it does suck, maybe they're right, maybe we should have spent more time on that, maybe it's not as good as we thought and maybe, like it's just demoralizing, debilitating, it sucks the air out of you and it depends on your mood. It depends on the day, right, like, sometimes, some days, some moments, you read that two star reviewer like, oh, you're, you're the loser. I mean I'm exaggerating to some degree and uh, just to have fun with it. But you're like, okay, this person clearly is either having a bad day or, um, should have been a librarian. Well, I mean, I shouldn't say that because that's the librarians are cool, right, like they're good. But you know what I mean. Like should have been the. Uh, I don't know I'm going to offend anybody with the example. I didn't mean that librarians are awesome. I, most of you are super sweet and whatever. But you know what I mean.

Speaker 1:

Like the, the, the, the super critical person of whatever, right, that's just kind of like just stewing out there, whatever, so, so sometimes you're in a mood where you can read that criticism and you're like, okay, it doesn't, doesn't really affect you. And then other days, let's just be honest with each other, right? I mean, there are a few of you out there that are outliers. There are some of you that you never have a day, never in your life has there been a day where you've been able to discount, ignore, mute, um and and filter criticism in the way I'm describing You've never been able to do that. It's always debilitating, it's always profoundly affects you.

Speaker 1:

And then there are others of you who are listening that you don't even know you have critics, or you view it as a sign of strength. You're like oh yeah, those are the people with the low IQ, those are the people that don't know what they're talking about. They don't have a like, you don't ever pay any attention to them, and I think most of us fall in the middle right and and so so I'm, I'm, I'm listening, I'm reading these. I'm finding myself giving too much value to the two star, because what are the others? Five star, five star, five star, five star, five star, four star, four star, four star, five, four, five, four, two. Well, I'm, I'm like glossing over the fives and the fours, like I'll click on a few of them, be like oh man, yeah, they called us smart. That feels really good, or they, they or I, or they. They say it's good and I'm so glad.

Speaker 1:

And then we have them rate certain chapters, like which chapters did you like the most? Which ones did you like the least? What stood out to you? Give us some quantitative or some qualitative data on this. You know, answer a few of these questions and we only can ask you know you got to take five minutes or less, otherwise this is just painful. And so you're reading through, you're like it makes you feel good, like, oh, I'm glad they saw that, I'm glad they liked that, oh, I'm glad that was impactful for them, I'm glad that made a difference for them. Um, and so you, you know those make you feel good, but it's the two stars that that really draw your attention, are the one stars. So I'm gonna table that example.

Speaker 1:

I'm going back to it in a minute but I want to share another one, because on the exact day that I was reading some of this, some of these reviews that you know, the data that our team's getting and it's coming in and that they're sharing and I'm looking at, and the exact day I'm looking at this, I'm, I'm, I. I go to the gym and in the after, after the, the workout, like I've been trying to push pretty hard, you go through these phases and workouts, right, or training, where you're just sometimes you're just not into it as much as you could be Other times you're like just going through the motions, you're like showing up, or you're going for the run or you're doing the whatever and you're, you're good, but like you're not really, you're not really pushing yourself, you're just going through the motion and that's. I mean, that's better than not doing it right, like, got to give ourselves credit for that and um. This goes back to, uh, jim collins's scale that, now that I think about it, that I really love um, which I talked about maybe 20, 30, 40 episodes ago I can't keep track and where he would rate progress, like like particular days and um, and on a scale of negative two to positive two. I just think this is so good. I'm not going to do the episode on this, but just a quick aside on it. So, because it's on my mind as I say that and um and so some days at the gym, I'll apply to the gym, but it applies towards progress, towards any goal or outcome that you're working at in, at work or in your personal life. And some days, negative two, like that, that's a day where not only did I not go to the gym, but I ate like a whole large pizza and I drank um four um pizza and I drank um four? Um mountain dew uh, two liters. Is that even possible. That's a. That might be like a negative six, but jim collins is a scale jim collins, by the way, you guys, so you don't know him.

Speaker 1:

He wrote good to great, like used to be. He's still jim. Jim's still out there. He's amazing. Um, he did a lot of good research. Good to great. It's interesting.

Speaker 1:

I, I re-listened to good to great. Um, during the last four years when we were working on our books. I'm like, okay, this is a book that really I really liked it. It was a bestseller, yada, yada, yada. And it's really interesting now, 20, 30 years later, to listen to good to great, which was a big deal, a bit kind of like atomic habits today, or, um, you know the craze. Or right now, actually, um, you know, at least in the, the personal self-help it's, it's all about the let them theory, you know, by mel and, and. So there are these books that pop up at times and like they're, they're really hot for a year or two or three, right, or maybe six months. And so, jim, good to great was like.

Speaker 1:

I remember when the executives of the media company that I worked at they gave that copy to all of us. That was the first book I was ever given, given um by by our company, and we didn't do anything with it. I mean, we talked about it a little bit, just like pretty much any book. That which now, in retrospect, drives me insane because I'm like, why are we wasting money and time on on these books when we're not actually implementing it? But whatever, that's another, that's another topic. So, um, so the book comes out, so Jim's the author of that.

Speaker 1:

So, negative two to positive two is the scale. So on a day where you didn't go to the gym and you didn't, you know, maybe you ate really lousy or whatever. Negative two Like that negatively affected your progress towards the goal. But most days are like a zero. Most days are a zero or a one Like. So we went to the gym but we really didn't push ourselves and we only did like a 20 minute workout or we spent most of the time during the hour.

Speaker 1:

You know, you look at the teenagers that go to the gym. It's so funny, it's like social hour and I'm glad they're there and so many other places they could be and so many other things they could be doing that are not good. So I'm, they're there and so many other places they could be and so many other things they could be doing that are not good. So I, I I'm super appreciative or complimentary of them going, but you're looking at the workout. You're like, dude, bro, that's a zero. Like your workout today's a zero, it's not. I'm glad you're here, but it's not really moving you towards anything. Um, it's not negatively affecting you, it's not positively affecting you, but most so most days at the gym we're a zero or a one like, yeah, we're making a little progress, but then you have those workouts like a two, like, um, that like really strong, it moved you towards your goal, you're pushing it hard, so, anyway, so I'm, I'm, I'm trying to do these workouts that are twos right now on that scale, and um and and so, um, I'm.

Speaker 1:

One of the things that's happening is that's tightening me up. So when you put yourself harder, you get more sore and you gotta be super careful about form and all these sorts of things. You all, don't, don't, don't, don't. Those of you that know me, uh, which is not many of you that listen, because the vast majority of people who listen we've never met, or you're in some other country, or whatever else, or um, whatever, so the, the, the, those, if you knew me, you'd be like oh Russ. So, in other words, you're picking up the 10 pound dumbbell, like don't get the wrong sense Like I'm, I'm uh, I am nowhere near, um, any kind of example in the fitness or exercise space, but anyway. So you got to worry about a form and you got to be careful about that. So I'm getting super tight.

Speaker 1:

So I'm thinking, okay, well, I need to spend a little bit more, I need to go to the sauna at the gym, because that loosens you up, and lots of different reasons to go there for cardiovascular reasons, and whatever. You can do the research, ask chat, gpt or GROK or Gemini or whatever, and they'll tell you all these benefits, which I've done, obviously. And I'm like, oh my gosh, you need to spend more time in there. So I'm in there, I'm in there recently and there's hardly anybody in, which is wonderful. And uh, and this employee comes in and she's like, excuse me, you know, like I need I, can you guys move just a little bit? And I've got my AirPods and I'm listening.

Speaker 1:

I'm actually at the time I was listening to a transcript of one of the chapters of our book Um, just w? Okay, what needs to change? Whatever else. So I'm listening to the audio, so, but, but, but she gets us to move, and she's, and so one of the other people in the sauna, they're like two other people. It's like, hey, what are you looking for? What's going on? She's like, well, we have these complaints that there's this nail sticking up and it's totally injuring people and whatever else. And I'm like, okay, and so she looks around, she can't find it and she's like, oh, sorry about that. And the three of us that are in there would have like, yeah, I don't see it. Nope, it doesn't look like there's an issue.

Speaker 1:

Okay, later this woman comes in um on fire, like she is, she's raging, and she's like it's right, like, excuse me, and she's like almost pushes, pushes another gym member out of the way from where he's sitting, like excuse me, and like it wasn't, it wasn't even remotely polite, and so she pushes him out. He's like, oh, okay, moves over. And she's like it's right there, right there. And and the manager or somebody at the gym who followed her in um looks at this little nail and he's like, oh, okay, yeah, and he wasn't minimizing it, but he was like you could kind of tell by his body language and his tone that, oh, it's like a tiny, tiny little tip of a nail poking out. Was she right? She was right, it was poking out, and uh, and he said something like oh yeah, okay, we're gonna have to, we're gonna have to, uh, fix that and she goes off.

Speaker 1:

She's like, yeah, this whole thing is um shoddy workmanship. Like, this thing's just, it's just poorly built, the whole thing's poorly built. She goes and that nail and she uses some uh expletives. She's like that ripped my pants and now people can see my whole bbb, whatever, and and, and then she just kind of storms out of the sauna and the guy is like, okay, yeah, oh, so he walks out. So I'm looking at the nail they leave and it's kind of right next to me.

Speaker 1:

I'm'm looking at this little nail and I'm thinking about these reviews. You see how this is connected and I'm thinking, oh my gosh, she like declared the sauna shoddy workmanship, she denounced the whole thing, she criticized the entire construction project that built this thing, because one little tiny tip of a nail is poking out of this spot. That's the two star review, that's the one star review. Those are the people I'm going to call them in this episode Chronic criticism they are.

Speaker 1:

They are the producers, the generators of chronic criticism. So here's one of the takeaways I want you thinking about Constructive feedback builds leaders. Constructive feedback is fuel for growth and success. Chronic criticism drains leaders. There's no value in it. So you might, you might listen to that and say, russ, that's kind of harsh, like I don't know if that's true. Constructive feedback builds leaders. Chronic criticism drains them. The two-star review was draining.

Speaker 1:

I cannot address all of the elements in that feedback. It's impossible. Throw the book out, start over, begin again. That's basically what there were two of them to what those two people want us to do. The lady in the sauna you cannot please her, it will, will not happen. She is looking for the nail and so these and and the same thing. So this product isn't for them. Like the people that gave us the two-star review on that thing, the book's just not for them. That's okay. There's nothing wrong with them, necessarily, I'm not. I'm not trying to be critical of them per se, it's just, oh, this product or service is not for them.

Speaker 1:

I'll give you one other quick example of this Um and I've shared it before in the media business, when I would employ personalities on the air one of the radio stations, so sports talk, news talk, right. So it's a talk radio and it's got personalities, which is way harder to build than a music station, because a music station you plug in in any market and you just figure out what that market likes and that you know. Okay, we're going to play oldies. Okay, we're going to play um, alternative rock. Okay, we're going to play this, whatever. And then we're that's what you do.

Speaker 1:

Well, for, for a spoken word station, some talk like you've got to aim at a particular audience, you got to find out what way they lean, how they, what teams they cheer for, what they think, and yet you got it. And then you got to have personalities on the air that are generating um, that that are generating followers, and and so the station one of the stations that I took over inherited once when I was an executive in the media business had incredibly low ratings. It was like non-existent, like not even on the left side of the decimal point in ratings. Okay, barely breathing existing. And do you know what was on the left side of the decimal point in ratings? Okay, barely breathing existing.

Speaker 1:

And do you know what was on the air? Totally agreeable, um, like vanilla personalities, all like good people, like really good, but they were just like not offending anyone, not taking any positions and just kind of being out there. This is why all the news media went, and it pains me to say, because it's, I think, so destructive the way it's played out. But the facts are the facts. And so the stations that don't have an opinion typically generate very little ratings, very low ratings. But when you get on the air and you say I think this is wrong or that should be this way or whatever, you take a position and the ratings go up. It's just the way that it is. And so what? The formula of?

Speaker 1:

So I dug into this with higher consultants and researched it and whatever else revenue in a market. I needed personalities on the air sports, news, political, whatever that would generate about 15 to 25% somewhere in that range. Negative feedback, chronic criticism, people who despise them, and I needed 75 to 80% of the listeners to love them, to go. Yep, that's good. Nope, I agree with that. No, that's interesting. The same applies to you. It's absolutely fundamentally true. You aren't showing up, you're not making a difference, you're not having impact If you don't have the two star reviews, if you don't have people around who are screaming about the nails. Who are screaming about the nails. And so point number one is oh, that means you actually showed up, because what we could have done is written a book that generated all three-star reviews you with me, you tracking with me. It was just kind of decent and good and wasn't whatever, not provocative, and didn't really take a position, and so it just had a ton of three-star reviews. I don't want the three-star product and I'm certainly not paying a lot for a three-star product. So, in order to generate the five-star product or the 4.5 star, it's debatable if you can generate a five, right, because anyway. So so the five to generate the 4.5, the five point star product, you got to take a position, which means you're going to have some one or two star reviews.

Speaker 1:

When I look at a product, do you do this too? When I click on something on Amazon or whatever site, and I see that it has, what are you looking for? This is actually really interesting. Are you looking for 95% five-star reviews? Cause you know what that means? It's a scam. They bought those, they bought those reviews, or it's all family members or whatever, right, it's a bot that's doing it. What I want is 80, 85%. I'm buying products all the time with 75% to 85%, 90%, five-star, four-star reviews done, bought it, good, and what do I think about the one or two star? Like? I click on it, don't you too? I click on the one or two star review sometimes and I'm like, are these people real? Like hello, um, what do they call it? What do the kids call it? Hello, Karen? Like, okay, yeah, that's the, that's the Karen that's doing it. And so what?

Speaker 1:

You don't want to aim to generate a three-star experience, to be a three-star leader. You want to be a four or four and a half star. You want to be making that kind of an impact, which means you got to understand that, that, that, that, the, the, the. This criticism is going to be there. So what do I want you to do? Number one look at it and if you're not generating the, the, the, the two-star, one-star reviews, you're not. You're not taking enough of a strong position, like I talked about in the last episode, you're not doing anything really meaningful or notable.

Speaker 1:

In our book, we take strong positions. The stories are really, really powerful. They're strong, they get your attention. Now, are they perfect? Is everything? No, of course not. It's not a 5.5 star. It's not a 5.0 perfect, but crap. I hope it's a four or four and a half like really, really good.

Speaker 1:

And so, number one, that you got to look at that. Number two who are you paying attention to? Constructive feedback builds leaders. Chronic criticism drains them. We cannot spend a lot of energy reading the two-star reviews. So I got that out of my system. I went and read more of the four and the fives and I went. So I got that out of my system. I went and read more of the four and the fives and I went.

Speaker 1:

Okay, and and, and there's good feedback in here. There's good, good things to improve on, there are things to incorporate, and so don't give loud critics more attention than informed advisors. Don't give loud critics more attention than informed advisors. So you want to filter what you're receiving back to go is this constructive feedback or chronic criticism? Then you want to extract the information that is useful in all of that feedback to be able to know what's super valuable. What do you need to incorporate? And then you use the constructive feedback, the informed feedback, to sharpen your leadership. It's fuel. It's the fuel to make you better. It's the fuel to help you achieve your potential.

Speaker 1:

Those other reviews, like we're making the window on this advanced group giving us feedback is closing and then as soon as that window closes here in the next few days, then we go back and like we're fine tuning. I can't wait to do that. I'm so excited for us to go in and tighten it and make it better. Like all of those four stars and the feedback they give is incredibly helpful. Four stars and the feedback they give is incredibly helpful. Oh my gosh, am I so glad that we asked all those people for for their perspective, to read it, to judge it, to look at it, to evaluate it.

Speaker 1:

You want the same. You're constantly asking for feedback. You're constantly looking at yourself through the eyes of others. You are ignoring, minimizing, not paying a lot of attention. There might be a little pearl, like a little something useful in the two-star review or the one-star review. You might get some oh, that's interesting, okay, and so you're going to consider it, think about it, but you're not going to be obsessed by it. You're not going to be paralyzed by it. Constructive feedback builds leaders. It fuels success. Constructive criticism it's draining and not useful.

Speaker 2:

That's what's on my mind in this episode of the Lead in 30 podcast. Share this episode with a colleague, your team or a friend. Tap on the share button and text the link. Thanks for listening to the lead in 30 podcast with Russ Hill.