Dylan Sponseller, A Journey of Redemption and Resilience. Part 2

This episode centers around a deeply moving conversation, exploring themes of redemption, vulnerability, and healing. Dylan recounts her struggles with past trauma, emphasizing the role that a supportive community played in her recovery. A poignant reflection on how a mother's love and the presence of encouraging friends kept her from succumbing to darkness. This episode sheds light on the internal battles many face and the importance of sharing personal stories to inspire others in similar situations. It is a testament to the power of human connection and resilience.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:28

I'm just trying to trace like so you're you got your sight set on this you're having some success early which is which is amazing um but all the heartache all the all the we'll call them the things they're are you just you're just pushing them down yeah still and like yeah is the drinking still kind of no like my so I kinda I met some good people along the way that kind of like maybe didn't really get to talk to them about what was going on but they really just helped me being around him um while I was at home at one point Destri had gotten hurt destri Campbell was a preacher in Alturis and started a lot of cults and he'd gotten hurt and I'd got to kind of go spend some time with Destri and met a couple really good kids that were around him. And uh they just just being around them helped me. And we talked about some things, you know, we didn't get a lot of in-depth and conversation of that, but being around those good hearted guys like kind of gave me a lot of peace of mind. When I when I was about 20, I really started to get my shit together and quit drinking a lot. And my 21st birthday I was like I'm I've got my sight set on bigger things and you know gonna buy a place and really start buckling down and things changed a lot for me.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

So it was again kind of like we were talking about earlier like God just kind of kept bringing some people in your life that kind of just kept pointing you in the right direction and helping you.

SPEAKER_02 2:03

Yeah. Even if we just didn't get to talk about it just being around good people sometimes just goes a long way.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

I say this all the time but there's that theory that you become like the five most people you spend the most time with.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

You are who you hang out with.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

It's so true. I I try to tell my son this and all the young men that are in my life like it your friends matter. They do because they can fill in the gaps for you. So I love that that's part of your story and that you got like if you think about like what would what would have happened if you wouldn't have gone home, which seems like hard to go, but then you meet this group of people that really kind of helped yeah in your story to like get past some hard stuff it sounds like I mean honestly I'd have probably wrecked my pickup or probably wouldn't be here.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

There was a lot of darker moments in there that I really just didn't know if I could live with myself anymore and had thought about it a lot. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean in my mind as much as I thought about it and I wanted to not be here I couldn't do it to my mom. I my mom is what saved me.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

I I couldn't I couldn't be the next because it would have crushed her I I'd have been the the last of it thank you for sh saying that part because I've talked to a lot of people on here that have had suicidal ideation I think clinically is what it's called and I I usually just kind of let it pass over but lately um I had one last night that we were talking about I'm like w what stopped you and I I love that thank you for sharing that part because I think it's important for people to hear like if you're in that spot where you're like because I've I've you know I've been there I've I've been there before too and it's a dark place to be uh just when I and I fully can't explain it and I I haven't even heard anyone explain it that really landed with me so I'm not even gonna try too very hard because I don't know that we're supposed to be able to understand what that depth of darkness feels like but it's different for everybody I think it it it's it's relative yeah it's so different and yet heavy for everyone to be in a place where everywhere you look and I feel like our mind and our soul is searching for an out and when all those doors are closed and you're just in a dark room with a bunch of doors but they're all locked, yeah that's probably the best I've ever been to explain it is like what how how do we make it through and I I don't care how you make it through it's like if it's your I'm glad that your mom had been through so much you probably would come to the same conclusion every time in that thought process of I don't want to be here anymore.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

Yeah. That's exactly I mean I can remember moments whether I mean I always packed a pistol or driving like what have you just drove off this you know there's a semi coming on this little narrow road easy and that that she's the only thing that came to my mind I'm like I can't do that to her. Like I've watched her go through so much pain like I'm it's it's her and I against the world like if I did that to her like I would never forgive myself.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

Yeah that's just really powerful. Yeah thank you for sharing that part because the point is is there's always hope.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

Right.

SPEAKER_01 5:46

Because you and I are sitting here and we've made it through some hard stuff and a lot of similar things and and came to the same conclusion at some point of like I I don't I don't see any way out of this except for this.

SPEAKER_03 5:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:59

And I've said this before but like for me I never was like that until I quit drinking because then I there was no more coping mechanism.

SPEAKER_02 6:08

Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:09

I was stuck with dealing with it dealing with it and that's when the first time I put a gun in my mouth was three days sober spun the chamber click and I'm I'm I'm just grateful.

SPEAKER_02 6:31

And like how many lives you've touched now. Well that's and and you are too with this I felt like that's something that's helped me a lot later like my dad used to always tell me like everything that happens in your life will make you stronger and I I fought that meaning for so long and and it was it was a very hard to understand like K you know and and my mom used to always say like you know God only God lets bad things happen to some people because they can handle it. And I'm just thinking like all these things are happening for like because you think I'm strong like that does not sound fair. It's not and it and I I don't even know how to explain it all because I don't think I ever will but over the years part of the reason I wanted to do this like when you asked me was if it helps one person, that is all that matters. I I had to wish somebody had been there to see me or or understand what I was going through. And I was blessed with some really good friends and people that showed up that were there even if they didn't understand that I mean we're not the people we are because we're just us. It's from everything that's happened.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

Yeah and and the and again the right people being in at in the perfect time. And again we have the advantage of hindsight now but it's like we're already kind of talking like I look back at my life and I'm like oh I don't know what I would have done if and the same thing I like you've said it a couple times. It's like it's not like I was sitting down and telling anyone my story and all the deep heartache I went through and the the bad bad things but because we don't have a language for it when we're especially when we're younger because there's something I would tell myself if anybody really knew me, there's no way I would be acceptable. Oh for the things that have happened to me that aren't even my fault.

SPEAKER_02 8:27

Right. And that is a real feeling like the sh it's shame. It's shame.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

Like the there's you're I I mean I felt so much shame and embarrassment that I was like I don't even know how you tell somebody this and you know how how do you explain it or because you know that if if if like I I just knew the outcome so I wouldn't even go there like if if especially with sexual abuse for from for and I'm only speaking for myself but I'm like if you knew this thing about me even though it wasn't my fault you would never look at me the same.

SPEAKER_02 9:01

Yeah that's been a huge fear.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

And I would rather die than feel your rejection and you pulling back from me because of these things.

SPEAKER_03 9:11

Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

And and it's so weird because I've done a lot of bad things in my life and it's like I expect to feel some uh blowback from that.

SPEAKER_02 9:24

Because I've made bad choices and I've hurt people all the things right but what's so fascinating about especially sexual abuse again speaking for myself is like I I can't I can't calibrate that with how people are going to respond to that to something that wasn't my fault that I didn't ask for that I and so it's it's like I'm taking this to my grave like I felt like that for a long time it was the the shame of it and like even now being my age like the thing that it takes from you you will never get back. Like you can figure out how to cope with it however you can for yourself but it takes something from you that you will never get back. I've never heard it put that way and I agree it's a I don't know I feel like in some ways like it's taken a lot of my vulnerability that I have fought to kind of get back over the years.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

Yeah because you gotta be protected. Yeah you gotta get hard and you can't yeah it that's a whole thing like just intimacy, right? Which is so much more than just sex.

SPEAKER_03 10:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

But it's like I don't I don't know that I know what that really means sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 10:48

You know and I think that's a hard understanding especially like the few people I have talked to about over the years especially whether it's being in a relationship or a friend or or you know how you're trying to explain it. It's it's such a hard thing that I I don't think a man can understand that feeling I think they can really try to understand but the vulnerableness that women probably already feel a little bit anyways like it just intensifies it so much. It it does it just takes a part of your soul because in me in my mind like sex is never something you just hand out right like if I'm there like that's a meaningful thing. Like I've never been one to hand things out like that and that meant something. So when you take that away the one most precious thing that you give the person that you love or you care about like you you took that.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

You robbed it was robbed.

SPEAKER_02 11:44

Yeah. Yeah and innocence too I felt like because of the damage right that it causes moving forward because of the protective thing of like oh yeah I have to protect myself from feeling things or yeah letting people in panicking your own head for by yourself or in in the moments like that was my first time like it wasn't like I was I was 16. I was just a little kid basically you know and like that's been a huge battle and and it was a big battle in relationships for a long time. I think it's always be something you battle but it's it's something you learn to cope with or know your limits or in the emotionalness limits like okay I'm all right or I'm not all right and I mean you work I've worked hard at it over the years and 99% of the time I'm plum fine. I'm fine. I've learned to cope with it over the years but that little bit of what it does take and just can't get back.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

And I think just listening to yourself and knowing like what's not o when it's not okay.

unknown 12:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

Is like yeah I whatever that looks like but I think that that's important for anyone listening to this that shares part of our story in this area is like just listening to yourself and keeping that safe.

SPEAKER_02 13:10

I I've thought about it a lot since you asked for this interview and I thought you know I was I actually called one close friend and I'm like man like and he didn't know this about me and he's a really good friend and been through a lot of his own demons and I'm like hey like like I there's a part of me that really scared to do this but if I just feel like there's always a thought like what are the people going to think when they listen to this like are they going to look at me different? Because I don't want your sympathy. That's not what I want. But the young girls that listen to this like If I can do that for them then I'm gonna suck it up and I'm gonna be here because I want to do that for them.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Well I I'm very grateful that you trusted me to share this part of your story and I I do promise you this it's gonna help a lot of people that's that's why that's the only thing that mattered to me is I would have probably given anything to know there was somebody out there that did this right now for me back then. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

Because I may not know 'em but they'll know.

SPEAKER_01 14:13

Yeah and that's the power of story right of like validating when somebody says something and articulates it that you could never put to words. So let's just do this little exercise. Imagine that 16 year old version of you hearing this right now. And the and the peace it would have brought you of just not feeling alone knowing that there's someone else out there that has been through this is like there's some healing element to being seen in through somebody else's story. That's powerful.

SPEAKER_02 14:54

That it's going to be okay. That's what I would have wanted just to know that it was gonna be okay. And you know what?

SPEAKER_01 15:01

It will it just and that's what you would tell that 16 year old girl knowing what you know now.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

You didn't hang in there. Yeah you're gonna be okay like there's bigger things ahead this is it's a big thing but it's gonna be a smaller thing someday.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Yeah. Yeah it does it is yeah and and that's the beauty of healing right is the further away it gets it's like you said it's still there but the the sharp edge isn't as sharp.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

Yeah. And there'll always be moments it might be a little sharper like I get a little uh I feel like I do really really good for so long and that guy will somehow get a hold of me on social media. Like that's been a it's about a every once or twice or once once a year, twice a year and tell me what a bad person I am for ghosting him.

SPEAKER_01 15:57

Like you were kidding.

SPEAKER_02 15:58

Oh no like it's like those are those days like that that crush me like after all these years like you can still like make a fake account or whatever just to get in touch with me to tell me how what a piece of shit I am for not talking to you. Like like it's just uh because he was always around like we my mom kind of helped raise him and so he was always nobody knew yeah nobody knew I've I had no idea how to tell somebody like that. So those days those days are damn sure the harder ones of just yeah I reliving it.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

I'm really glad that you shared that because I don't think I've ever shared this on here. I was married and my Leighton was like six eight months old and my wife and I were driving home from like Bible study and I had a Blackberry because I was cool and I had Facebook on it and I'd just gotten Facebook and somebody that had done bad things to me reached out to me at like a friend request and I saw his face I had a nervous breakdown. Oh yeah I couldn't get out of the car.

SPEAKER_02 17:20

My wife was like she called our pastor she called my dad like I was she said I was just rocking back and forth in the car like humming like complete just seeing his face Yeah I I get it like that's a like you work so hard to bury it and not think about it and hide it and put on a face and get through it and then it's just like this wall that hits you and just reliving every moment of it.

SPEAKER_01 17:54

It all snaps right back.

SPEAKER_02 17:56

Right there.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

Yeah and then it ha and then he did it about five years ago again. I was sitting in a parking lot and and I've done a lot of work since then so I was I I I didn't have a big emotional reaction to it. I just blocked him again showed my wife and then blocked it and I'm like just leave me alone that's it's it's so sad.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

There's so many good people but there are some not very good people and it really is hard sometimes to remember that there's there's good in people.

SPEAKER_03 18:28

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

Um when did you leave Altouris like to move to Idaho.

SPEAKER_02 18:42

Is that where you went next was um actually Telford had offered me a job at the Red Buffalo and Gilding sale one year and I kind of laughed it off like my old life like whatever thank you though. And uh about six months later um my house had gotten robbed and in Al Turis. Yep and uh actually it was right before that I'd I'd kind of thought about my life a lot and um it was kind of weird how it all came about. Like Telford offered me the job um and right that fall before that my best friend of 11 years killed himself and I really got to thinking about it and I'm like man all the things Elliot and I would sit and talk about what am I still doing here? Like this was never where I wanted to be my goal was to not be in this small town with some small minded people. There was a lot of great people don't get me wrong but there's I wanted so much more and and so I had called Telford um that spring after my house had been robbed or no it was before it was before my house got robbed. And it was like the icing on the cake that this is why I'm moving because there's small minded people in this town and I know some of them and I love a lot of them also but I don't want to be here anymore. But Elliot's talks are what made me call to call Telford and be like I'm gonna take the job because I this is not I just I just moved back to help her and I just I got stuck there. You know I only meant to be there to help you and then all of a sudden six years later or I guess it was eight years later I'm like what am I doing here? Like I'm wasting my life of what I wanted and I'm never going to be able to do it here. So I had taken the job house got robbed that also takes something from you know the sense of security that this is your house the safety just ruined it for me. And uh moved I and I told Jake I said I'm gonna need six months like I won't be there till fall like I have a whole life to change I had to sell my place I sold all my cows all I mean all the things I'd worked so hard for and just to move to Idaho to go be an assistant and rent a house and and uh Jake was awesome. I enjoyed my time working for Jake I how long did you work there? You know so before I had I've had Lyme's disease for years and uh I had it I had it pretty un I had it pretty big deal it's a pretty pretty good one uh from a tick from a tick yep I got it when I was 21 but I didn't know until I was 26 um I'd I'd been I'd been just I just hadn't felt good for years like my joints hurt and I didn't feel good and I'd finally lost the movement. My hands like I just couldn't grip the doorknob. So I ended up going to town and I just got really lucky this traveling doctor was like, you know, we're gonna test your thyroid but I really want to test you for limes and my limes came back positive. And uh so when I went to work for Telford I'd had it pretty under control. And then with working for some Somebody else, the hours that we were working, like I just got so run down, I just kind of started to fall off. It it's giving me some heart issues that I deal with. And and uh so I six months later I told Jake, I'm like, I I'm sorry, but like I I've gotta stop and go take care of myself.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

Well, yeah, because I don't think people understand what assistant trainers' lives are.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

It's like it's a lot. There's no there's no life.

SPEAKER_02 22:27

No, there is no life. I mean, around horses and what we do, anyways, your your life is them. There's no, I love it when people are like, what are your hobbies? I'm like, I don't have a hobby. What are you talking about? I don't know how to do anything outside of horses. But he Jake was great, he was super understanding. I quit and went out on my own. And being able to be on my own schedule and know that, like, boy, I need to go sit down for a minute. Like, and I've learned a lot over the years of how to maintain it. And I know I probably do I I actually deal with mine a lot better than some of the people that I know because it's ruined their life, it's ruined their relationships, they're it's a it's not a fun thing to deal with.

SPEAKER_01 23:12

And then and there's nothing, I mean, what do you practically what can you do?

SPEAKER_02 23:16

I mean, basically for me, so like diet, yeah, like diet goes a long way. Like I think rest. Yeah, diet, and like I'd say I'd love to say rest. Insomnia is a big deal. So if like if sl not sleeping is kind of a big thing for us, but diet and knowing when you're like, hey, I just like every now and then I'm like, I'm gonna go sit down for a just a hot second right here and catch my air. But diet's 90% of it.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

Dang. Yeah, that's because I I didn't know that you had that. Oh, really? So it's like um I'm more inspired by you because like you said, I know people that have it and they have no life.

SPEAKER_02 23:58

No, I I'll never forget the doctor when she called me back in for, you know, to talk about what came back positive. And she's like, What did you do this last weekend? And I'm like, well, it was a feeder sale. So we were there from seven to midnight, and basically I used to always giggle. I'd put my little tracker on, and because my job, I'd sort them a foot, feed the sale, like you walk 14 miles walking around there putting cattle away and sorting them. And she's like, Really? She's like, I've never met anybody that is still doing what you're doing as many years as you had it. And she goes, the fact that you've been so ignorant, tough about it is probably the only reason you're still doing this good, and that it's never, I've never forgot that.

SPEAKER_01 24:43

Dang.

SPEAKER_02 24:43

I'm like, you know what? You're right. I'm just not gonna let it get me down.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

Good for you.

SPEAKER_02 24:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:47

Such a mindset.

SPEAKER_02 24:49

Yeah. She like just her saying that though, something that just stuck with me. I'm like, you're right, I'm just ignorant right here, and I'm just not gonna stop.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

So you went out on your own. Did you lease a place or I did?

SPEAKER_02 25:02

I leased a couple places. Um they're in uh around Parma and had a uh few years of that. And then I finally bought that little place and flipped it, and then I'd been looking for property for three years. And when I seen the place that I have now up there, I I drove in, I looked at it, and I was like, this is it. Like I want this place. So I ended up buying that place and kind of just been a work in progress over the years.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

Yeah, it's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

Yeah, yeah. It was one small project at a time. We built some horse pins and and built a round pin and got an arena, and now it's finally a little more functional with all the things, but yeah, yeah, it was a process.

SPEAKER_01 25:45

Wow, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 25:47

You've m my my takeaway is your durability.

SPEAKER_01 25:57

Like you've been through so much before the age of twenty and a lot of loss and a lot of theft in all the ways we talked about, and on top of having Lyme's disease, but your drive is like to see all that you've made happen and to do it on your own.

SPEAKER_03 26:27

It's boggling, it's mind-boggling. You are you are very unique. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

Very unique. And I I I love the part of your story of like your mom and her modeling this to you. Like if you want a dream, go get it.

SPEAKER_02 26:51

Yeah, what are you waiting for?

SPEAKER_01 26:52

And it's gonna be a lot of hard work and a lot of no's and a lot of obstacles. Oh, and you're a woman, so you're gonna have to fight through bunkhouse weird stuff. Yeah. And you've overcome all of it, and now you're like very successful in in the pen, show pen. And you probably have some amazing customers that believe in you and are getting you really good horses, which you have to have, obviously.

SPEAKER_03 27:21

And and you're living your dream. Yeah. And you're not that old.

SPEAKER_02 27:28

I mean, I'll be 29 forever.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

Well, you keep acting like it. But I mean, really, I mean, that's incredible.

SPEAKER_02 27:37

I just I have actually a really good friend that that tells me it's pretty good at some pep talk sometimes because we get so caught up in just working, like, and it's never enough. Like, I want more. Like, I haven't owned a house in 10 years. Like, my goal before 40 is to have a house. Like, I'm tired of you know, but that was never an important thing. Like, you're gonna build the things that are gonna run your business first before a house, because I don't make money.

SPEAKER_03 28:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:05

So that was kind of the, you know, I could either have a house in Idaho or I was gonna have a place in Arizona. Well, of course I'm gonna own the place in Arizona because that's my business. But we get so caught up in the moments of working and wanting more and it never being enough that like there's a few moments that he's called and he's like, just stop what you're doing and just look around. Like you built that. Like, you know, here not that long ago, he's like, go walk outside. As I hung a bunch of lights outside, little solar lights on the arena that just make my night, it just makes my day when I see them. And uh go walk outside and just stand there for five minutes and look what you built. Like those are those moments that some people forget and we need to be reminded of. And I'm terrible about doing it because I'm just thinking about how to rob Peter to pay Paul this month, and I gotta make this go around, and you're gonna try to get through this many in a day. And no, go walk outside, go look at it. Like for five minutes right there, I can sit there and be like, You're right. Like, I I did this, I did this alone, I did this by myself, and it's something to be proud of.

SPEAKER_01 29:11

Gratitude.

SPEAKER_02 29:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:13

I think that's a good thing for all of us to hear because I I as because I'm at my age, I'm 53 now, I am slowing down in that regard of like I'm still aiming high and charging hard in the things I want to accomplish and go chase down my dreams still in business and in family and our little cow herd and with wild courage stuff. And I I have learned to take it all in, and there's a sweetness in it in your friend's right.

SPEAKER_03 29:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

Like because we're none of us are guaranteed tomorrow.

SPEAKER_03 29:53

Right.

SPEAKER_01 29:54

And it's like there is a sweetness in the things that are behind us that are and are in front of us right now, today, that's I think it's valuable to do that.

SPEAKER_03 30:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:07

To be grateful and to sit in it and be proud of yourself and like use it for fuel for to keep going.

SPEAKER_02 30:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:14

Because what you're doing is such a grind.

SPEAKER_02 30:17

It is.

SPEAKER_01 30:18

I mean, it's such a thankless, like everyone sees the cool videos with the cool music, yeah, going down the fence, yeah, wearing the cool yeah, the 20-second clip that took 20 years.

SPEAKER_02 30:29

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:30

And then like I was telling you, I was just in Texas at my buddy's training place, and I'm like, it's such a grind. I mean, it's every day.

SPEAKER_02 30:41

Right. I mean, what what it's possible to do is I I mean, or you know, when we take days off, we're still, you know, riding the threes or you know, trying to get ready for that fraturity season, or you, you know, at home you got water to change and it's hay season, and there's no such thing as a life. And then it takes a really special person to be able to put up with our life style in this industry.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

Do you go to any shows in Scottsdale?

SPEAKER_02 31:05

No, I haven't.

SPEAKER_01 31:06

Um too far away for you or what?

SPEAKER_02 31:09

No.

SPEAKER_01 31:09

That's a joke.

SPEAKER_02 31:10

I mean, all right. I should. We we actually were gonna go to some this year. Um, however, with the EHV outbreak, we just kind of locked down and sure just kind of decided that you know we would just kind of wait till we got home. But I that was the goal. We had gotten down here and and uh wanted to go to some, but uh, it just wasn't worth it. And I want all my clients to feel safe. I'm not gonna jeopardize my own. I don't want to feel like sure you're jeopardized. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:36

Um, what's next?

SPEAKER_02 31:38

I'll just keep living my dream. I mean, I have so many things I want.

SPEAKER_01 31:42

I just 10 years from now, when we sit back down and do this again, hopefully.

SPEAKER_02 31:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:47

Um, what will you have hoped to be able to report 10 years from now?

SPEAKER_02 31:53

Man, I really think my goal in 10 years would be I I would really like to not have to ride as many as is kind of my goal to actually slow down and enjoy it a little bit more and be able to ride better ones and less of them. I mean, I I I love this part of my job, but I mean, of course, the end goal is to enjoy it a little more and slow down. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:20

Who who inspires you and then RCA right now? Like when you watch somebody, it can be a man or a woman. I don't, I don't care. Who are you like, man, I like what they how they're doing it. And just not just in the show pen, but like the business and like who they are becoming in the journey. And it can be people that you don't even, you know, that you know from a distance, or like who inspires you or do you look up to?

SPEAKER_02 32:47

You know, when you say that, there's not even a person that comes to mind, honestly. Like, I think a lot of them are inspirational in so many of their own little ways that I just take a little bit from all of them. Yeah. Yeah, there's there's not would be just one person, or I can't even think of a somebody that I see that way. They're just there's so many, so many of them that are inspirational. Uh like I think a Chris Dawson offhand just because he's you know what, like they're so successful, but he is so down to earth.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

And he does not take himself seriously.

SPEAKER_02 33:25

No, and I love that because he just like ever like Chris was one of the first people that maybe he didn't really know me, but he always made a point to say hi. And now, you know, like you still see him at the shows that I go to once a year, you know, to maybe go to the paturtier. You know, I don't get to go to the big ones as much with you know, you gotta have a lot of big clients be able to go to those. So, but he might not see me for two years. Dylan, how's it going? Like, I remember that. I remember that you remember me. Yeah, that means something to me.

SPEAKER_01 33:54

Yeah, I it was fun talking to him because he has it all and all and all to lose.

SPEAKER_03 34:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:00

And just his approach of like he told me that when he won the faturity the first time, he remembers after all the hoopla going to his motel room alone and just like, this is it.

SPEAKER_02 34:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:16

That was and now it's cool. I haven't talked to him since he won last year, but he's like, I just don't take it myself that seriously. Like, and I hold it loosely, and it's like, and he really carries himself that way. Like and with his wife doing good, he's like, We all have this, we have the same checking account. It's great that she's winning because it's that much I don't have like he I don't know. I I agree, I like how he approaches it, and like he's making time to like stop and do other things and go on vacation with his family, and like because I mean he's been doing it for a long time and grinding it out, and so it is good, I think, to look at people that you inspire you to be like they've figured something out and I'm not there yet, but it's a good way to go.

SPEAKER_02 35:05

I think the hardest part about the industry that's kind of been, you know, training without emotions. Like you have to set all your emotions aside to train. Like just because you're having a bad day and want to lose your temper, like I like I sit there and tell myself on a bad day, I'm like, do you really want to have to apologize to this horse for two weeks? Because this is what's gonna happen. It's so good. And so it makes me kind of suck it up and be like, nope. Like I'm gonna, I'm gonna swallow it. I can't train with emotions. And that's like kind of watching Chris, you know, like Chris like doesn't take it personal. Exactly. You can't. You cannot take it personal.

SPEAKER_01 35:42

Yeah, and it's hard work and you can't take it personal. I think that's probably the best advice you could give anybody wanting to come up in this in the horse training world, any discipline, right? Is like I've thought that a lot is I've got healthier emotionally. Like I don't ride my horses as much as I used to or should, but I get further with them because I like how you said like I don't have to, I don't have to say I'm sorry to them because I'm not crucifying them because I have a bad day.

SPEAKER_02 36:13

Yeah. I has nothing to do with them. Yeah. Teach them.

SPEAKER_01 36:16

And I think that's a good part of going on this journey of like having conversations like this and getting more healing in whatever way, right? And not stuffing it down, is then you get to show up as a more whole person to your business and your customers, and most importantly, like the horses don't have to pay the price. That's good. Um as we kind of land the plane here, I was hesitant to ask you this. So I've been I'm on this quest of this question that came up in my head a couple of months ago, and I've done, you know, a few podcasts in the last few days, and there's no wrong answer, and I'm I'm popping it on everyone, and it's kind of a dirty one to do to to you, especially, and I'm sensitive to it, so I've been really contemplating, but I think it'd be powerful to hear from you in a sentence or a paragraph what is a good man? What does that mean?

SPEAKER_02 37:20

Oh man, I think that's I mean, of course that's a hard question. I think I think it as a a good man is one that whether you're talking about the person that you are, but knowing the things that you need to be comfortable in your own skin or your business or what you need help with, like that goes a long way. Like them stepping back, putting their pride away and their ego, and saying, Hey, like what can I do to make you feel better? Like if we're gonna be partners, like we're supposed to be in this together.

SPEAKER_01 37:57

I think that makes that's beautiful. Thank you for saying that. Yeah, sorry to No, it was good.

SPEAKER_02 38:04

That was kind of a hard one.

SPEAKER_01 38:04

I kind of No, you it's funny is you answered it faster than the three men that I've asked this question to. Like, I'm gonna have to go edit out how long the silence was when I proposed that question. Yeah, like minutes really of these guys just like because it's a it's a it's a hard question, but I'm fascinated by it.

SPEAKER_03 38:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:26

Because I want to know.

SPEAKER_03 38:27

Right.

SPEAKER_01 38:28

And it and it's different for everyone. And I'm really grateful and thank you for sharing your perspective because that's from from somebody who's been through what you've been through, that's kind of why I pressed into asking you of like this is gonna be a really genuine answer from your perspective, and that's powerful, and and and I needed to hear it, and men need to hear it. And I'm gonna ask every woman that I have on that same question too, because it's a good one. I think at the end of end of it, um these guys evolve when we were done. Like, I'm gonna be thinking about that now. And it's like good if we don't know what we're aiming at, yeah, we don't know the target. Like, what is a good man? So anyway, thank you for answering.

SPEAKER_02 39:11

I think it's I guess a little bit on that. Why I kind of knew that or how I wanted to answer that was something I've kind of thought about. Like, I know through my life, like the idea of me on the outside world, it's great, right? Like I'm cute, I train, great. The reality of being with me in that sense is not that easy. Like it's a lot more complex. Yeah, it's a lot more complex than just nuance. Kind of having a cute trophy on your arm.

SPEAKER_01 39:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:39

No, you're a hard charger.

SPEAKER_02 39:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:41

I'm glad you're my friend. You too. Um, how can people find you?

SPEAKER_02 39:46

Uh, I'm on uh Facebook. I have uh Dylan's Performance Horses uh page on there, and that's my form of technology is very limited, so I've just kind of been hit with that one.

SPEAKER_01 39:58

Well, you're doing a great job at it. Anything else you want to say or share with you.

SPEAKER_02 40:02

No, I'm happy to be here today, and I I'm can't wait to have somebody listen to this.

SPEAKER_01 40:08

Well, uh sincerely, like I I I can kind of tell the the cost of this, and that's what um means a lot to me and and in our mission. And so I'm very extremely grateful for you for being vulnerable and taking a risk in this. And I know it's gonna help a lot of people, which is why I know you did it, and you're super brave, and and you're amazing. And again, thanks for being my friend.

SPEAKER_03 40:35

Uh thank you. Thanks, guys.