Performance Time Episode 15: Say It Ain't Slow

Third party trackers
Are crowding my website
Analytics requests
Are bringing me down
Guess I’ll just close my tab

Oh yeah
Alright
Feels bad
Inside

Four hundred requests
For just one web page
My mobile netwo-oo-er-oo-erk
Is struggling to cope
I’ll guess I’ll call instead

Say it ain’t slow
Your site is unbearable
Say it ain’t slow
My business is going elsewhere

I can’t connect to
Anything you do
All of your websites
Are timing out
When I try
To pay for the product that you had up on
Your website just the other day
It’s not cool

Say it ain’t slow
Your site is unbearable
Say it ain’t slow
My business is going elsewhere

Dear website
I try you, in spite of years of slowness
You’ve cleaned up, got faster, (even) using a CDN now
This gigan-tic image, awakens ancient feelings
Frustration, desperation, all of your customers are goooooonneee…
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Say it ain’t slow
Your site is unbearable
Say it ain’t slow
My business is going elsewhere