WEBVTT 00:00:02.100 --> 00:00:10.266 Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you as though something strange were happening to you. 00:00:10.266 --> 00:00:20.600 But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. 00:00:27.065 --> 00:00:29.233 Good morning, Valley View. 00:00:29.233 --> 00:00:30.365 It's great to be with you today. 00:00:30.365 --> 00:00:32.399 While we continue in our study of First Peter. 00:00:32.399 --> 00:00:34.466 We're going to be in First Peter chapter three today. 00:00:34.466 --> 00:00:36.265 If you want to go ahead and turn there. 00:00:36.265 --> 00:00:41.832 And if you don't have a Bible, we have Bibles out in the connection corner there out on a little table out there. 00:00:41.832 --> 00:00:43.899 Slip out anytime and grab one. 00:00:43.899 --> 00:00:47.066 We'd love for you to be able to follow along as we read. 00:00:47.066 --> 00:00:49.232 We're in a section in first Peter. 00:00:49.232 --> 00:00:54.765 Of course, the big theme of First Peter we put on the screen every week, finding joy in the midst of suffering. 00:00:56.232 --> 00:01:02.865 We want to be in a place spiritually where we don't just squeak by, we don't just somehow get through it and look. 00:01:02.865 --> 00:01:04.865 There are times where that's how it has to go. 00:01:04.865 --> 00:01:12.865 I get that, but the hope is that we move to the place where we even find joy in the midst of the challenges of life. 00:01:12.865 --> 00:01:15.865 That's the hope Peter holds out. 00:01:15.900 --> 00:01:27.599 And the section in particular, the subsection we've been looking at within that is how do you bear up under people who are in authority over you, but who are opposed to your faith? 00:01:27.599 --> 00:01:29.400 So we looked at government. 00:01:29.400 --> 00:01:32.165 What do you do when you're serving under an unrighteous government? 00:01:32.165 --> 00:01:33.799 As a Christian, how do you live? 00:01:33.799 --> 00:01:36.099 We looked at the workplace as an employee. 00:01:36.099 --> 00:01:40.066 If you have an employer who's opposed to your faith, how do you live? 00:01:40.066 --> 00:01:43.933 Last week we started into the issue of family. 00:01:44.665 --> 00:01:51.165 What does a wife do whose husband is opposed to her faith and this week we'll look at husbands. 00:01:51.533 --> 00:01:56.266 So turn with me to First Peter chapter three, and we're going to read verse seven. 00:01:57.266 --> 00:01:59.900 First Peter chapter three. 00:01:59.900 --> 00:02:18.000 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 00:02:19.566 --> 00:02:27.599 What we're going to see in this passage, in this one short verse, four ways for a Christian husband to lead and serve his family well. 00:02:27.599 --> 00:02:29.900 Four ways here in this one short verse. 00:02:29.900 --> 00:02:34.699 And probably the first thing you might notice is we're looking at one verse for husbands. 00:02:34.699 --> 00:02:43.199 When it took six verses for wives last week, there's a lot of probably jokes we could make about that. 00:02:43.199 --> 00:02:47.532 Maybe we just got to keep it simple for the husbands here, keep it bare bones. 00:02:47.532 --> 00:03:05.832 I think probably a helpful perspective is just to recognize that usually the person who is under someone's authority, usually the person who has to follow someone's lead, probably has it more difficult and could use some additional encouragement. 00:03:05.900 --> 00:03:10.699 And I think we saw a lot of that last week in those six verses. 00:03:10.699 --> 00:03:17.099 But for the husband, what are the four things that they're encouraged to do to lead their family well? 00:03:17.099 --> 00:03:24.800 How do I keep in mind the needs of my family, given the role that God has called me to be? 00:03:24.800 --> 00:03:31.633 We're going to see four ways and the first way here, and we're going to look at four key phrases in this passage to pull these out. 00:03:31.633 --> 00:03:37.800 The first one we're going to see here on the screen, it should say put yourself in her shoes. 00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:40.099 Start by putting yourself in her shoes. 00:03:40.099 --> 00:03:46.566 That ties back into this phrase husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way. 00:03:46.566 --> 00:03:54.066 That phrase understanding way literally can just be translated as according to knowledge. 00:03:54.800 --> 00:03:58.500 And I think probably what that points at is just the reality. 00:03:58.500 --> 00:04:08.699 Live with her in a way that takes into account the reality that it can be challenging to have to follow the lead of your husband at times. It just can be. 00:04:08.733 --> 00:04:11.733 Don't be naive to that reality. 00:04:12.832 --> 00:04:14.265 Be sensitive. 00:04:14.265 --> 00:04:16.533 Be aware of that dynamic. 00:04:16.533 --> 00:04:18.833 Don't abuse that. 00:04:18.833 --> 00:04:21.833 Don't be oblivious to that. 00:04:21.833 --> 00:04:29.833 Now, I think probably all of us would recognize that there are challenges to following anyone's lead. 00:04:29.833 --> 00:04:32.665 But the reality is every role has its challenges. 00:04:32.665 --> 00:04:43.632 If you're at work, you might be tempted to think of your boss as like having it easier than you must be great to be able to make all the decisions and take it easy and tell others what to do. 00:04:43.632 --> 00:04:49.500 But there are challenges, significant challenges with being the boss as well. 00:04:49.500 --> 00:05:15.365 The key takeaway here is to honor the different roles we've been called to play, to not look down on those, to not see those as lesser, but to honor those and here in particular, keep in mind the differences that God has called the wife to serve in, usually compared to the husband a guy used to serve with in ministry, Bob Lapin. 00:05:15.365 --> 00:05:17.300 We served in marriage and family ministry. 00:05:17.300 --> 00:05:20.300 Together, he helped co-host a radio show. 00:05:20.632 --> 00:05:22.065 He told this story once to me. 00:05:22.065 --> 00:05:28.800 It's always stuck with me. As a young guy, recently married, they were traveling somewhere together and he asked the guy, so how's it going? 00:05:28.800 --> 00:05:31.033 How's your new marriage going? 00:05:31.033 --> 00:05:34.199 And the guy’s like, oh man, let me tell you, I could really use some help. 00:05:34.199 --> 00:05:35.733 She won't submit to me. 00:05:38.033 --> 00:05:39.466 Bob goes, oh, really? 00:05:39.466 --> 00:05:40.266 Well, tell me more. 00:05:40.266 --> 00:05:42.565 And he's complaining about how she won't submit to me. 00:05:42.565 --> 00:05:46.800 And he said, how I can't seem to make her submit to me. 00:05:46.800 --> 00:05:49.665 And Bob goes, well, listen, let's let's look at what Scripture says on that. 00:05:49.665 --> 00:05:52.466 Why don't you reach in the glove compartment there, there's a Bible. Pull it out. 00:05:52.466 --> 00:05:55.500 Turn over to Ephesians chapter five where it talks about that. 00:05:55.500 --> 00:05:57.466 He flips over to Ephesians chapter five. 00:05:57.466 --> 00:06:01.333 Why don't you read to me there what it says about how you should lead well in the family? 00:06:01.333 --> 00:06:02.500 So he starts with wives. 00:06:02.500 --> 00:06:03.533 Submit to your own husbands. 00:06:03.533 --> 00:06:05.533 You say, whoa, whoa, wait a second. 00:06:05.533 --> 00:06:07.500 Who was that to? 00:06:07.500 --> 00:06:09.065 It said, wives, submit to your husband. 00:06:09.065 --> 00:06:09.399 What? What? 00:06:09.399 --> 00:06:10.500 Okay. All right, that's great. 00:06:10.500 --> 00:06:11.733 That's for the wife. 00:06:11.733 --> 00:06:13.233 What does it say to you? 00:06:14.300 --> 00:06:16.600 What's the instruction to you? 00:06:16.600 --> 00:06:18.365 Look down a few more verses and it says. 00:06:18.365 --> 00:06:21.365 Husbands, love your wives. 00:06:22.033 --> 00:06:25.466 As Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. 00:06:25.466 --> 00:06:27.266 And it goes on. 00:06:27.266 --> 00:06:33.565 And he said, now where in there does it say, husbands, make your wives submit to you? 00:06:33.565 --> 00:06:35.100 Where does it say that? 00:06:35.100 --> 00:06:37.065 Does it say that anywhere? 00:06:37.065 --> 00:06:39.199 Oh, no it doesn't. 00:06:39.199 --> 00:06:39.632 Okay. 00:06:39.632 --> 00:06:42.399 That's the instruction the Lord gave to her. 00:06:42.399 --> 00:06:44.699 And by the way, so that's the Lord's job to take care of that. 00:06:44.699 --> 00:06:47.033 That's not your job. What's your job? 00:06:47.033 --> 00:06:51.966 Love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. 00:06:51.966 --> 00:06:55.300 And so he said to this young guy, you focus on that. 00:06:55.300 --> 00:07:01.665 You do that well, it's not your job to try to make her submit to you. 00:07:01.665 --> 00:07:03.565 That's that's between her and the Lord. 00:07:03.565 --> 00:07:09.699 You do what he's called you to do, but be mindful of the reality. 00:07:09.699 --> 00:07:16.365 Put yourself in her shoes, that that is no small task to follow the lead of someone else. 00:07:16.365 --> 00:07:20.365 It can be a challenge, and we need to keep that in mind and be sensitive to that. 00:07:20.365 --> 00:07:21.399 So that's the first way. 00:07:21.399 --> 00:07:24.432 Live with her in an understanding way, according to knowledge. 00:07:24.432 --> 00:07:31.065 Secondly, look at this next phrase showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. 00:07:31.065 --> 00:07:37.365 The way we'll sum that up today, the second point for man is honor her design. 00:07:37.365 --> 00:07:38.533 Honor her design. 00:07:38.533 --> 00:07:42.665 That word vessel really just refers to our bodies. 00:07:42.665 --> 00:07:45.699 That's where we, our spirit resides in our bodies. 00:07:45.699 --> 00:07:48.699 We all have a physical vessel we live in. 00:07:49.000 --> 00:07:57.000 And the reality is, is that in general, men tend to be physically stronger than women. 00:07:57.000 --> 00:08:02.533 The average man has something like 25 pounds more muscle than the average woman. 00:08:02.533 --> 00:08:10.733 They'll have broader, stronger shoulders, oftentimes higher bone density, oftentimes larger hands and feet. 00:08:10.766 --> 00:08:15.399 I mean, you look at the averages in general, men are going to be physically stronger than women. 00:08:15.399 --> 00:08:22.333 Of course, there are women who are stronger than a lot of men, but in general, men are stronger. 00:08:22.333 --> 00:08:30.500 We had a renovation of our fellowship hall, which is right below us here, and we had to move out all the old movable walls so that the new ones could be brought in. 00:08:30.500 --> 00:08:41.200 And I said, hey, if anybody can help do that, come on, and I'll look over and here's Dick Clark, 80 plus years old, picking up one of those walls with someone else, 150 pound walls. 00:08:41.200 --> 00:08:44.832 There was no 80 plus year old women in there helping out that day. 00:08:44.832 --> 00:08:47.865 In fact, out of the 50 guys who showed up, there was one woman. 00:08:47.865 --> 00:08:50.365 She was at least half Dick Clark's age. 00:08:50.365 --> 00:08:56.332 So, you know, in general, men are going to be physically stronger than women. 00:08:57.600 --> 00:09:12.865 Now, here's the key part of that, because what he says here is show honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, because the reality is, although I may be physically stronger than Julie, there are other ways that she is stronger than me. 00:09:15.232 --> 00:09:16.299 I'm trying. 00:09:16.299 --> 00:09:18.899 Okay. 00:09:18.899 --> 00:09:21.299 Watch a woman give birth. 00:09:21.299 --> 00:09:22.533 Yeah, okay. 00:09:22.533 --> 00:09:23.432 Make sure she's your wife. 00:09:23.432 --> 00:09:26.232 Don't just go to the hospital asking. 00:09:26.232 --> 00:09:30.799 My pastor said to come watch a woman give birth. Don't do that. 00:09:30.799 --> 00:09:34.432 You're going to see a strength you haven't seen before. 00:09:34.432 --> 00:09:36.265 You're going to see a resolve. 00:09:36.265 --> 00:09:38.100 And I'm going. There's no way. 00:09:38.100 --> 00:09:41.299 I don't know that I could get through that. 00:09:41.299 --> 00:09:45.133 Or watch a mother stand up for her children. 00:09:45.133 --> 00:09:47.633 Watch the mama bear come out. 00:09:47.633 --> 00:09:48.600 You'll see. 00:09:48.600 --> 00:09:50.666 I'm hearing it across here. 00:09:50.666 --> 00:09:58.732 You'll see a resolve, men that you go, I don't know that I have that strength of character that I see in her. 00:09:58.732 --> 00:10:01.200 Physically stronger doesn't mean better. 00:10:02.700 --> 00:10:05.732 We've got to learn to value our differences. 00:10:05.732 --> 00:10:07.200 I'll give you an example of that. 00:10:07.200 --> 00:10:16.133 Take this fine China vase that is in some museum from some Chinese dynasty of the 16th century. 00:10:16.133 --> 00:10:18.466 Delicate, valuable. 00:10:18.466 --> 00:10:24.832 Is it more valuable, or is there a difference in value in this, let's say Stanley Cup? 00:10:24.832 --> 00:10:27.633 Throw up the photo of the Stanley Cup right. 00:10:27.633 --> 00:10:30.633 Well, it depends how you plan to use it. 00:10:31.299 --> 00:10:37.100 I'm not going to throw the vase into the car to run off to the basketball game, to make sure I'm hydrated. 00:10:37.100 --> 00:10:38.832 That's not a good use. 00:10:38.832 --> 00:10:40.066 That's what the Stanley Cup’s for. 00:10:40.066 --> 00:10:46.566 But when it comes to intrinsic monetary value, that vase has its own value. 00:10:47.133 --> 00:10:50.133 It's not about which one’s stronger. 00:10:50.566 --> 00:10:53.399 Each has its role, each has its purpose. 00:10:53.399 --> 00:10:59.265 And the call here, as you said, is to honor the woman as the weaker vessel. 00:11:00.466 --> 00:11:08.765 And I want to make a comment about this that's difficult to bring up, but it's important because here's what Paul is trying to-- Peter is trying to drive at here. 00:11:08.765 --> 00:11:13.732 We all have advantages in the way we have been designed, whether it's husband or wife. 00:11:13.732 --> 00:11:21.466 Last week he said to the wife, don't use your advantages, your physical advantages to manipulate. 00:11:21.466 --> 00:11:24.200 Instead, honor value one another. 00:11:24.200 --> 00:11:31.365 So don't use, men, your physical strength to take advantage of women. 00:11:32.399 --> 00:11:34.232 Jesus didn't do that. 00:11:34.232 --> 00:11:34.700 Jesus. 00:11:34.700 --> 00:11:37.700 He didn't come as Hercules or Samson. 00:11:39.066 --> 00:11:39.600 He didn't. 00:11:39.600 --> 00:11:43.566 He said I could call down 12 legions of angels at any moment and do whatever I want. 00:11:43.566 --> 00:11:46.566 He didn't use his strength against us. 00:11:46.932 --> 00:11:49.133 He just came as a regular dude. 00:11:49.133 --> 00:11:51.166 Whatever strength he had, he used to serve. 00:11:52.365 --> 00:11:57.166 And so our call is not to take advantage of our physical strength to try to get our way. 00:11:57.166 --> 00:12:00.100 And by the way, it doesn't work. 00:12:00.100 --> 00:12:06.600 You might get people to do what you want by using your strength, but you won't have their heart. 00:12:06.600 --> 00:12:15.299 And the call as a Christian man is to pursue, to love, to serve and look. 00:12:15.299 --> 00:12:26.700 If the role was reversed, if your boss was twice your size physically and made sure they did what you, you did what they want by using their strength, you would hate that person. 00:12:26.700 --> 00:12:29.700 You would despise that person. 00:12:30.566 --> 00:12:32.332 It doesn't work. 00:12:32.332 --> 00:12:36.765 It might work on the surface, but it's not what we're called to be about as Christian men. 00:12:36.765 --> 00:12:40.432 We don't take whatever advantage God has given us. 00:12:40.432 --> 00:12:43.432 We use that to serve, not abuse. 00:12:43.966 --> 00:12:53.899 So if you're a man who has found yourself slipping into that, you're taking advantage of your physical strength with someone in your family. 00:12:55.466 --> 00:12:59.666 Let me just say today, do whatever it takes to put an end to that. 00:12:59.932 --> 00:13:02.200 Go and talk to someone today. 00:13:02.200 --> 00:13:03.732 Could be a leader in the church. 00:13:03.732 --> 00:13:05.799 Could be someone who's a life group leader. 00:13:05.799 --> 00:13:07.865 One of the elders myself today. 00:13:07.865 --> 00:13:12.365 Make it today where you say this is this is stopping today. 00:13:12.799 --> 00:13:20.200 And then if you're a woman who's on the receiving end of that, do whatever it takes to get safe. 00:13:20.200 --> 00:13:25.166 We're here to come alongside you, to love you, to help you. 00:13:25.166 --> 00:13:26.265 You've got to be safe. 00:13:26.265 --> 00:13:30.365 You don't deserve to continue to receive that. 00:13:30.365 --> 00:13:31.500 Okay? That's a lot. 00:13:31.500 --> 00:13:38.700 I know that's heavy right here in the middle of the message, but I think the passage is speaking to that specifically. 00:13:38.700 --> 00:13:39.100 Okay. 00:13:39.100 --> 00:13:41.533 I made you both different ways. 00:13:43.899 --> 00:13:47.865 Don't use your advantage to abuse whatever it may be. 00:13:48.200 --> 00:13:51.200 Use it to serve, to love. 00:13:51.500 --> 00:13:52.500 Honor her design. 00:13:52.500 --> 00:13:54.000 That's number three. Number two. 00:13:54.000 --> 00:13:55.365 Now let's look at number three. 00:13:55.365 --> 00:13:58.365 Look at the next phrase in this passage. 00:13:59.700 --> 00:14:00.100 Honor. 00:14:00.100 --> 00:14:04.399 The woman is the weaker vessel since they are heirs with you of the grace of life. 00:14:04.399 --> 00:14:10.899 Number three, what we're called to do in light of all this is delight in how you are designed to work together. 00:14:10.899 --> 00:14:15.365 Take great delight in the ways you're designed to work together. 00:14:15.365 --> 00:14:17.232 God made us different for a reason. 00:14:17.232 --> 00:14:20.232 Not to drive you crazy, though it might. 00:14:20.365 --> 00:14:24.732 Look, the very-- here's the crazy thing about differences in relationship. 00:14:24.732 --> 00:14:29.166 The very thing that drew you together are the differences. 00:14:29.166 --> 00:14:34.432 You saw that other person and you thought, I love that about them. 00:14:34.432 --> 00:14:35.865 I love how outgoing they are. 00:14:35.865 --> 00:14:36.865 I'm not very outgoing. 00:14:36.865 --> 00:14:38.566 I love how outgoing they are. 00:14:38.566 --> 00:14:42.399 And then the thing that attracted you to them becomes the thing that drives you crazy later. 00:14:43.566 --> 00:14:47.533 The thing you complain about the most, why you always wanting to drag me everywhere. 00:14:47.533 --> 00:14:51.299 You know, it becomes the thing that you let drive you apart. 00:14:51.299 --> 00:14:53.533 Even though it's the thing that drew you together. 00:14:53.533 --> 00:14:56.533 You see that all the time. 00:14:56.700 --> 00:14:59.500 Here's a couple of things about differences, though. 00:14:59.500 --> 00:15:01.732 God made us different on purpose. 00:15:01.732 --> 00:15:03.832 Physically, emotionally. 00:15:03.832 --> 00:15:10.100 Of course, there are some overlaps in the way men and women are different, but there are a lot of very clear differences. 00:15:10.100 --> 00:15:13.600 He made us different on purpose for a couple of reasons. 00:15:13.600 --> 00:15:17.332 One is so that we could complement one another. 00:15:17.700 --> 00:15:23.100 There are ways that your husband, if you're a wife or if you're a wife, your husband. 00:15:23.100 --> 00:15:24.600 However, I said, I don't know if I said that right. 00:15:24.600 --> 00:15:27.932 The point is, the two of you together will complement one another in ways. 00:15:29.100 --> 00:15:36.966 If you were alone, you wouldn't be able you you wouldn't accomplish as much alone as you do together because of the way you complement one another. 00:15:36.966 --> 00:15:50.033 But the second reason, I think, is the fact that you're different requires you to really think about the needs of the other, to really consider, how can I best serve this person? 00:15:50.033 --> 00:15:53.232 Because I don't naturally understand them. 00:15:53.232 --> 00:15:55.299 I don't naturally want to move towards them. 00:15:55.299 --> 00:15:56.966 I need help with that. 00:15:56.966 --> 00:16:03.232 That requires dependence upon Christ, not dependence on self. 00:16:03.232 --> 00:16:10.000 And so these differences are designed in a way that we are meant to be encouraged by and to celebrate. 00:16:10.000 --> 00:16:14.799 And as he said here, the reason why is we are co-heirs of the grace of life. 00:16:16.500 --> 00:16:24.799 So it's not like physically stronger is better and emotionally stronger or physically attractive is better. 00:16:24.932 --> 00:16:32.700 We're we're co-heirs when it comes to standing before Christ, we stand at the same place. 00:16:32.700 --> 00:16:37.399 There's no my physical strength doesn't get me closer to Jesus. 00:16:38.799 --> 00:16:41.533 Than Julie. 00:16:41.533 --> 00:16:49.265 Imagine a situation where there's twins, brother and sister, twins, and they have an inheritance coming to them. 00:16:49.265 --> 00:16:51.633 Distant grandparent is giving them inheritance. 00:16:51.633 --> 00:16:52.966 Large inheritance. 00:16:52.966 --> 00:16:56.865 And they're to split it exactly equal to the penny to a person. 00:16:56.865 --> 00:17:02.932 How ridiculous would it be if the brother said, well, you know, I'm physically stronger, so clearly I'm more valuable. 00:17:02.932 --> 00:17:05.799 I'm clearly worth more than you. 00:17:05.799 --> 00:17:07.500 What's the exact same amount? 00:17:07.500 --> 00:17:15.566 And how silly would it be for the sister to say, well, listen, I'm much more physically attractive than you, so therefore I am worth more. 00:17:15.566 --> 00:17:18.465 I am more valuable. 00:17:18.465 --> 00:17:20.232 You're worth the exact same amount. 00:17:20.232 --> 00:17:22.365 You are co-heirs. 00:17:23.532 --> 00:17:33.432 And when it comes to the grace of life, the thing that matters the most, and how we please the Lord and follow and pursue him. 00:17:33.532 --> 00:17:35.133 You are a coheir. 00:17:35.133 --> 00:17:38.633 We are called to delight in that reality. 00:17:40.900 --> 00:17:55.465 Part of the reason why is this all comes back to the Trinity father, son, Holy Spirit, very different roles and their eternal relationship and the way they relate to one another and the way they relate to us. 00:17:55.465 --> 00:17:58.665 And yet there's eternal delight and celebration in that. 00:17:58.665 --> 00:18:01.032 It's not like the father is really God. 00:18:01.032 --> 00:18:06.000 Jesus is a little closer, and the Holy Spirit maybe fills in the gaps sometimes if needed. 00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:09.566 If we're way ahead in the score, we might put him in the game. 00:18:09.566 --> 00:18:11.532 No, no. 00:18:11.532 --> 00:18:16.299 All three equally God, father, son and Holy Spirit. 00:18:16.566 --> 00:18:27.232 And not just tolerating one another, but delighting in one another, delighting in their differences for eternity. 00:18:27.232 --> 00:18:30.232 That sets the pattern for us. 00:18:31.932 --> 00:18:34.232 Delight in those differences. 00:18:34.232 --> 00:18:37.232 Delight in one another. 00:18:38.133 --> 00:18:39.900 Now there's a fourth thing to point out. 00:18:39.900 --> 00:18:43.500 The reason why we can honor one another. 00:18:43.500 --> 00:18:45.066 Live with understanding. 00:18:45.066 --> 00:18:46.532 Recognize we're co-heirs. 00:18:46.532 --> 00:18:57.066 Here's the reason he gives here so that your prayers may not be hindered, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 00:18:57.066 --> 00:19:03.000 Number four on the screen, the important thing for us is to recognize what is at stake with all of this. 00:19:03.000 --> 00:19:05.900 Recognize what is at stake. 00:19:05.900 --> 00:19:06.900 This isn't just about. 00:19:06.900 --> 00:19:09.766 We want to make sure you have a nice, harmonious, happy home. 00:19:09.766 --> 00:19:11.833 And by the way, I hope you do. 00:19:11.833 --> 00:19:21.465 This isn't just about let's make sure to get along this isn't just about making sure we look modern in society and we're able to support one another. 00:19:21.465 --> 00:19:33.900 Now look, at the end of the day, so much more is at stake. Even at the end of the day, the way you relate to one another tells the world about your relationship with Christ. 00:19:35.032 --> 00:19:37.799 Now this phrase, your prayers may not be hindered. 00:19:37.799 --> 00:19:41.099 I think it could mean a couple of different things. 00:19:41.099 --> 00:19:50.099 It could just mean simply that if I'm not treating my wife right, it's hard to pray that that hinders my prayer life. 00:19:50.099 --> 00:19:59.532 It could also mean some of the different interpretive options is that maybe God won't listen to my prayers when I'm not treating her right. 00:19:59.900 --> 00:20:02.365 I think it's probably a little bit of both. 00:20:02.365 --> 00:20:03.799 All right. Play. 00:20:03.799 --> 00:20:06.799 The reality is, a lot is at stake. 00:20:07.365 --> 00:20:17.865 Our spiritual lives are intimately connected to the way we treat one another. 00:20:18.532 --> 00:20:35.799 This is so important that any time I do a wedding, I always start out with this, and it always feels weird to say, but it's so true and it's so important to say this wedding today we're here and it's not even about you. 00:20:35.799 --> 00:20:41.633 And of course, anyone who's gotten married knows you've made it entirely about you. 00:20:41.633 --> 00:20:43.732 That's all you've thought about for months. 00:20:43.732 --> 00:20:50.599 Every instance of planning in the way you probably didn't need as much as you normally do to make sure you look your best. 00:20:50.599 --> 00:20:57.032 Every moment was meant to set up that we look amazing and probably the best we'll ever look in our life right now. 00:20:57.032 --> 00:20:59.400 Everybody look at us. It's all about us. 00:20:59.400 --> 00:21:03.299 And I start out by saying, this is not even about you. 00:21:03.299 --> 00:21:07.566 Marriage is not about you and our world. 00:21:07.566 --> 00:21:09.200 It's become that. 00:21:09.200 --> 00:21:13.665 But that same chapter in Ephesians five, it ends with marriage is a great mystery. 00:21:13.665 --> 00:21:18.299 And the mystery is this is that it points to Christ's love for his church. 00:21:18.799 --> 00:21:33.465 You know, when a marriage is working right, when a husband is lovingly serving his wife, sacrificing for his wife, when she is lovingly serving under his leadership, and they are working together to accomplish more than they ever could alone. 00:21:33.465 --> 00:21:41.965 And you see that harmony and you see conflict resolved, and you see that when there is hurt, they pursue one another instead of running away from one another. 00:21:41.965 --> 00:21:48.900 And when there is a break in the relationship, they submit to Christ and they pray, and they do what it takes to move towards one another. 00:21:48.900 --> 00:21:50.299 And they forgive one another. 00:21:50.299 --> 00:21:56.266 And there's kindness and there's joy when you see that that stands out. 00:21:56.266 --> 00:22:01.500 And when you see that, that is a picture, just a glimpse of Christ's love for us. 00:22:02.432 --> 00:22:05.432 You get a picture of that. 00:22:06.365 --> 00:22:08.665 There's so much more at stake. 00:22:08.665 --> 00:22:11.432 The gospel is at stake. 00:22:11.432 --> 00:22:22.400 This is why First Timothy, when it talks about the elders in the church leaders, people who should lead in the church, one of the requirements is that you've served your home well. 00:22:22.400 --> 00:22:26.333 If I can't lead well in my home, what makes you think you're going to do it here? 00:22:26.333 --> 00:22:27.833 You're not. 00:22:27.833 --> 00:22:32.865 If I can't serve those who are closest to me when I don't want to, what makes you think you're going to do it here? 00:22:32.865 --> 00:22:35.732 You won't. 00:22:35.732 --> 00:22:43.365 That's why it's so key that in a relationship, we understand it's a picture of Christ's love for the church. 00:22:45.266 --> 00:22:46.732 A friend of mine, Rob, he. 00:22:46.732 --> 00:22:49.566 We serve together ministry in little Rock as well for years. 00:22:49.566 --> 00:22:51.932 And actually, he probably, in a lot of ways is a mentor as well. 00:22:51.932 --> 00:22:54.932 He's probably 10 or 15 years older than me. 00:22:54.932 --> 00:22:56.865 We've we've hung out quite a bit. 00:22:56.865 --> 00:23:03.066 And I remember one day he was telling me some of his back story and sharing about his life and things. 00:23:03.066 --> 00:23:09.633 God had taught him, and he grew up in a home that wasn't Christian, didn't have a dad came to know Christ in college. 00:23:09.633 --> 00:23:16.865 He was playing basketball in college, came to know Christ, radically changed his life, met his wife Theresa, who had also come to know Christ. 00:23:16.865 --> 00:23:18.200 And they commit. 00:23:18.200 --> 00:23:20.700 We want to build our home on Christ. 00:23:20.700 --> 00:23:23.799 We don't want to go down the path our families went down. 00:23:23.799 --> 00:23:25.865 We want to set a new legacy, a new direction. 00:23:27.000 --> 00:23:28.200 And so they get married. 00:23:28.200 --> 00:23:30.599 They're having children, building a life together. 00:23:30.599 --> 00:23:34.633 But Rob puts too much energy into the career. 00:23:34.633 --> 00:23:36.266 This happens a lot. 00:23:36.266 --> 00:23:38.732 This is where I'm going to build my legacy. 00:23:38.732 --> 00:23:42.400 This is where I'm going to find my significance at work. 00:23:43.066 --> 00:23:47.700 And so Theresa saying to him, Rob, look, we need more of you at home. 00:23:47.700 --> 00:23:49.599 You're never coming home to the kids are in bed. 00:23:49.599 --> 00:23:51.000 I never get to talk with you. 00:23:51.000 --> 00:23:52.932 I never know when you're going to be home. 00:23:52.932 --> 00:23:56.232 Rob, would you come home or can we spend more time together? 00:23:56.232 --> 00:23:57.532 We joined in this together. 00:23:57.532 --> 00:24:01.633 I don't feel like we're serving together night after night. 00:24:01.633 --> 00:24:06.400 She's saying this night after night, she's pulling his meal out of the fridge, handing it to him, heating it up night after night. 00:24:06.400 --> 00:24:07.365 And look again. 00:24:07.365 --> 00:24:10.766 I get it, they're seasons where we've got to do that. 00:24:10.766 --> 00:24:13.799 But this was a pattern he was choosing to pursue when he didn't have to. 00:24:15.099 --> 00:24:18.665 And so one night she said to him. 00:24:19.465 --> 00:24:20.965 Rob, I need to talk to you about something. 00:24:20.965 --> 00:24:23.865 And he said, oh, we're going to have this conversation again. How are we? 00:24:23.865 --> 00:24:32.900 And she said, no, we're not, because tomorrow I'm going to talk to Steve, who was one of the elders at the church, and he said, what you're going to do? 00:24:32.900 --> 00:24:35.633 What what are you going to say to him? 00:24:35.633 --> 00:24:39.133 She said, I'm going to tell him that you're a fake. 00:24:39.200 --> 00:24:43.500 And she ran into the bedroom and shut the door behind her. 00:24:43.965 --> 00:24:48.066 And he said, I don't want her to do that. 00:24:48.066 --> 00:24:50.232 What am I going to do? 00:24:50.232 --> 00:24:53.900 He said, John, I was up all night praying. 00:24:54.000 --> 00:24:55.266 I was on my knees. 00:24:55.266 --> 00:25:00.599 I was on my face going, Lord, I don't know what to do. 00:25:00.599 --> 00:25:02.566 I didn't have a dad in the home. 00:25:02.566 --> 00:25:06.665 I want to be a godly husband and a godly father, but I don't know what to do. 00:25:06.665 --> 00:25:08.865 Would you show me all night? 00:25:08.865 --> 00:25:11.799 He said I was praying over first Peter three seven. 00:25:11.799 --> 00:25:14.799 I was weeping, God, would you direct me? 00:25:15.299 --> 00:25:16.833 I want to show her honor. 00:25:16.833 --> 00:25:18.766 I want to live in an understanding way. 00:25:18.766 --> 00:25:21.599 And I need your wisdom because I'm not right now. 00:25:21.599 --> 00:25:24.599 I got my ladder against the wrong wall. 00:25:25.099 --> 00:25:33.299 And he said, over the course of that night, God just began to work in his heart and began to show him and to give him ideas. 00:25:33.299 --> 00:25:42.900 And he said, by the time the sun came up and she came out of the room, he said, listen, if you need to go talk to Steve, that's great, I understand. 00:25:42.965 --> 00:25:48.299 But let me tell you what God has, I believe, shown me over the course of this night. 00:25:48.299 --> 00:25:51.299 Let me at least share this with you. 00:25:51.365 --> 00:25:53.066 And so he laid out a plan. 00:25:53.066 --> 00:25:54.133 I'm going to go to my boss. 00:25:54.133 --> 00:25:56.099 I'm going to say, I got to be home by six. 00:25:56.099 --> 00:26:04.665 I'm going to say I need Sundays off, and I'm going to involve two other employees, and I'm going to give them two days off where they only had one, so they can work on Sundays. 00:26:04.665 --> 00:26:07.465 And he came with this whole plan. 00:26:07.465 --> 00:26:09.266 Will you allow me to do that? 00:26:09.266 --> 00:26:10.700 I want to carve out the time. 00:26:10.700 --> 00:26:13.266 I want to make this commitment. 00:26:13.266 --> 00:26:14.133 He goes to the boss. 00:26:14.133 --> 00:26:15.232 He shares all that. 00:26:15.232 --> 00:26:17.932 The boss said, you know, I think what you're doing is wise. 00:26:17.932 --> 00:26:19.766 Let's try it. Let's go for it. 00:26:19.766 --> 00:26:21.133 And he already had a plan. 00:26:21.133 --> 00:26:23.700 It's a plan that ultimately he believed. 00:26:23.700 --> 00:26:28.066 But also and he made the case benefit the company side benefit. 00:26:28.066 --> 00:26:31.066 But in presenting a plan he wanted to see if the boss would receive it. 00:26:33.165 --> 00:26:34.133 And so here's what happened. 00:26:34.133 --> 00:26:36.932 Of course, now he's able to come home, now he get that commitment. 00:26:36.932 --> 00:26:38.299 Now their relationship is growing. 00:26:38.299 --> 00:26:41.665 And of course other things come up that opened the door to other conversations. 00:26:41.665 --> 00:26:44.965 They said, John, here's what's crazy about all that. 00:26:45.000 --> 00:26:47.532 Of course, our marriage is growing and we're happy. 00:26:47.532 --> 00:26:51.599 A side thing that happened that I didn't even consider. 00:26:51.599 --> 00:26:53.032 He manage the sports store. 00:26:53.032 --> 00:26:57.365 This was up in the northwest, one of 440 stores, he said. 00:26:57.365 --> 00:27:04.732 Our store over the course of that year went to the number one store among all the stores, he said. 00:27:05.000 --> 00:27:08.365 That wasn't even a goal, he said. 00:27:08.365 --> 00:27:12.766 I believe God was honoring my decision to put my family first. 00:27:12.766 --> 00:27:15.965 We even got a trip to New York City out of it at Christmas time. 00:27:15.965 --> 00:27:17.532 They paid for it all. 00:27:20.465 --> 00:27:35.099 But it all started with him submitting himself to Christ, listening to his wife, seeking to honor her, to put his family above himself, and to acknowledge, I don't understand it all. 00:27:35.099 --> 00:27:38.099 I don't have it all figured out. 00:27:39.465 --> 00:27:42.299 That's what this passage is talking about. 00:27:42.299 --> 00:27:44.266 Live with knowledge. 00:27:44.266 --> 00:27:59.932 Live according to knowledge, honor one another, honor our differences, delight in that, and ultimately recognize that at the end of the day, this is a picture to a watching world of what you believe about Christ. 00:28:02.133 --> 00:28:09.865 And I promise if you put him first in your relationship, you'll watch him work in your life in ways you never could have imagined. 00:28:10.200 --> 00:28:13.200 Let's pray. 00:28:19.400 --> 00:28:35.400 God, I know that in a room this size, inevitably there are many challenges in relationships, and there's no way that we can begin to address all those in 30 or 40 minutes together. 00:28:36.032 --> 00:28:41.200 But your word will and your spirit will guide God. 00:28:41.200 --> 00:28:53.700 I pray right now that couples in the room, wherever they are in their relationship, wherever they are spiritually, that they would be listening to you. 00:28:54.633 --> 00:28:59.665 If there are those who have crossed the line in physical abuse, that today would be the day they draw a line. 00:28:59.665 --> 00:29:07.500 If there are those who are in a place where there is consistent neglect of one another, that today would be the day they take a step toward one another. 00:29:08.099 --> 00:29:18.299 And for those who are single, they would just keep trusting you, keep depending on you in all areas of life. 00:29:18.299 --> 00:29:22.532 But talking about marriage, we're not saying that married people are better than single people. 00:29:22.532 --> 00:29:24.665 There's nothing in the Bible that makes that case. 00:29:26.266 --> 00:29:35.400 God, I pray you would continue to bring hope and comfort and peace to every person who is here today. 00:29:35.432 --> 00:29:48.665 I pray this church would be a place where, over the course of our years together, people would see our love for one another and they would know you're at work. 00:29:49.066 --> 00:29:58.799 Help us to love one another well, to serve one another well, to consider how we're different, to take that into account and to delight in that. 00:30:00.932 --> 00:30:10.200 God, help us to confess our sins to you, to submit to you at the end of the day, above all else, to trust you. 00:30:10.200 --> 00:30:16.232 First Peter we're going to see later on says, humble yourself, therefore under the mighty hand of God, so that he may exalt you at the proper time. 00:30:16.232 --> 00:30:18.532 God, would you help us to humble ourselves to you today? 00:30:18.532 --> 00:30:19.633 We love you, Jesus. 00:30:20.965 --> 00:30:21.432 Amen.