WEBVTT 00:00:01.733 --> 00:00:02.266 All right. 00:00:02.266 --> 00:00:04.500 Good morning, Valley View. 00:00:04.500 --> 00:00:05.432 It's great to be with you. 00:00:05.432 --> 00:00:09.932 While we're continuing our study of the Sermon on the Mount, we're going to be in Matthew chapter five today. 00:00:09.932 --> 00:00:11.965 So if you have a Bible, you can go ahead and turn there. 00:00:11.965 --> 00:00:12.766 If you don't. 00:00:12.766 --> 00:00:13.900 We've got them out in the lobby. 00:00:13.900 --> 00:00:19.065 We'd love to put one in your hands, because it's important to have a copy of God's Word to be in God's Word. 00:00:19.065 --> 00:00:20.432 This is what we stand on. 00:00:20.432 --> 00:00:21.699 This is why we teach it. 00:00:21.699 --> 00:00:22.865 It's what we come back to. 00:00:22.865 --> 00:00:24.666 It's the basis of our faith. 00:00:24.666 --> 00:00:26.033 It's our authority for life. 00:00:26.033 --> 00:00:28.899 And so we want to do our best to be in God's Word. 00:00:28.899 --> 00:00:31.765 The more we're in God's Word, the more he's in us. 00:00:31.765 --> 00:00:34.165 The more we know him, the more we love him. 00:00:35.265 --> 00:00:40.265 As I prepared for today, I thought about what it was like parenting young children. 00:00:40.265 --> 00:00:43.966 There are times when you try to teach in the Bible, and sometimes it's hard. 00:00:43.966 --> 00:00:45.899 Sometimes they get it, sometimes they don't. 00:00:45.899 --> 00:00:50.165 I remember one time one of our children who will go unnamed. 00:00:50.432 --> 00:00:52.466 We could pick any one of them in this situation. 00:00:52.466 --> 00:00:53.700 We could pick yours as well. 00:00:53.700 --> 00:00:58.365 They hit another child and I asked, why did you do that? 00:00:58.365 --> 00:01:01.365 And they said, because the Bible said to. 00:01:01.765 --> 00:01:05.365 I thought, okay, tell me more. 00:01:06.099 --> 00:01:11.332 I'd love to know about this obscure portion of the Bible that is clearly told a child to hit another child. 00:01:11.332 --> 00:01:15.865 Well, no, the Bible said do to others what they do to you. 00:01:15.865 --> 00:01:18.266 That's not what is said. 00:01:18.266 --> 00:01:19.566 It says do to others. 00:01:19.566 --> 00:01:24.266 And of course, you try to explain that to a small child and they're going, what do to others what you want them to do to you? 00:01:24.266 --> 00:01:25.632 But I don't want anybody to hit me. 00:01:25.632 --> 00:01:29.665 I know that's the point, but here's the takeaway. 00:01:29.665 --> 00:01:33.165 I think that happens with a small child, and I think plenty of adults do it as well. 00:01:33.165 --> 00:01:36.165 We hear what we want to hear. 00:01:36.933 --> 00:01:41.700 I heard the part all I needed to hear so that I could behave the way I want to behave. 00:01:41.700 --> 00:01:45.165 I heard just enough for me to act the way I want to act. 00:01:45.165 --> 00:01:48.165 Yeah, it's in the Bible somewhere. 00:01:48.332 --> 00:01:50.533 Jesus is going to press into that today. 00:01:50.533 --> 00:02:05.965 He's going to expose that tendency that's in the heart of all of us to self justify, to make sure I can have my way no matter what else, no matter what truth there is, I'm going to get my way. 00:02:05.965 --> 00:02:10.866 So turn to Matthew five and we're going to read verse 31 and 32, just two short verses. 00:02:10.866 --> 00:02:13.733 Today we're working through the sermon on the Mount. 00:02:13.733 --> 00:02:16.066 We're taking it section by section. 00:02:17.265 --> 00:02:20.133 And here we are in Matthew five, verse 31 and 32. 00:02:20.133 --> 00:02:28.032 It's very short, but let's go ahead and stand together while I read this, just out of a sign of reverence for God's Word. 00:02:28.032 --> 00:02:37.300 Matthew 531, it was also said, whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce. 00:02:37.300 --> 00:02:49.832 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the grounds of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. 00:02:50.432 --> 00:02:50.900 All right. 00:02:50.900 --> 00:02:56.066 You can be seated as we dive into this nice light topic. 00:02:56.066 --> 00:03:02.765 This morning, we thought we would follow up a week on lust and adultery by talking about divorce. 00:03:02.765 --> 00:03:07.265 You know, all about our church appeal strategy here. 00:03:07.265 --> 00:03:09.500 But listen, let me make a point about that. 00:03:09.500 --> 00:03:24.699 This is why we work through sections of Scripture at a time, large portions of Scripture at a time, because we want to make sure we're teaching what God said, not just only the things we want to look at, only the things that I think are easy to teach, only the things that are comfortable to teach. 00:03:24.699 --> 00:03:27.432 We want to make sure we're looking at all of Scripture. 00:03:27.432 --> 00:03:29.265 That's what's important to this church. 00:03:29.265 --> 00:03:35.099 We want we don't want to just avoid some things because they're maybe uncomfortable or difficult to deal with. 00:03:36.532 --> 00:03:44.032 And I also want to say on the front end of this, I know that this topic in particular is going to be a very emotionally charged topic for many. 00:03:44.032 --> 00:03:52.432 Many in this room have experienced divorce, been through divorce, and if you haven't personally been through it, your life has been touched by it because of the people you know. 00:03:52.432 --> 00:03:58.099 This is not a hate on divorce people sermon today. That's not the point. 00:03:58.099 --> 00:04:02.966 I don't even think divorce is the main point of the message here today. 00:04:02.966 --> 00:04:04.233 Of course he's talking about it. 00:04:04.233 --> 00:04:05.832 It's right there. 00:04:05.832 --> 00:04:09.699 But as we've seen in the sermon on the Mount, Jesus is always trying to press a little deeper. 00:04:09.699 --> 00:04:11.665 He's trying to get into the heart of the listener. 00:04:11.665 --> 00:04:17.533 I think this passage in particular is building on what he talked about last week. 00:04:17.533 --> 00:04:19.565 So if you remember, he talked to them. 00:04:19.565 --> 00:04:20.699 He talked in particular. 00:04:20.699 --> 00:04:25.033 He's talking to the disciples, but he's also talking about the things you have heard. 00:04:25.033 --> 00:04:28.365 You've heard this teaching, you've heard this teaching from the religious elite. 00:04:28.365 --> 00:04:32.100 You've heard this teaching from the super spiritual people who have it all together. 00:04:32.100 --> 00:04:35.300 And you've heard them say, I'm good because I've never committed adultery. 00:04:35.300 --> 00:04:37.665 I'm good because I never murdered anyone. 00:04:37.665 --> 00:04:38.333 I'm good. 00:04:38.333 --> 00:04:42.632 Colby talked about, I've got this litmus test that says I'm good because I've not done that. 00:04:43.632 --> 00:04:46.266 But he said, but your heart is wicked. 00:04:46.266 --> 00:04:47.932 Your heart is far from God. 00:04:47.932 --> 00:04:50.932 Your heart is full of adultery. 00:04:51.899 --> 00:04:54.333 I think he's building on that passage today. 00:04:54.333 --> 00:04:56.865 By continuing on that theme. 00:04:56.865 --> 00:05:01.365 You think you're good because I've never I've not done divorce. 00:05:01.365 --> 00:05:02.733 I've gone about it the right way. 00:05:02.733 --> 00:05:03.632 So I'm good. 00:05:03.632 --> 00:05:05.300 Well, he's going to expose that today. 00:05:05.300 --> 00:05:09.132 In fact, I think what Jesus is going to press into here is in three ways. 00:05:09.132 --> 00:05:14.065 He's going to show us three ways that we move from my way to his way. 00:05:14.865 --> 00:05:17.300 Oftentimes, it's all about my way. 00:05:17.300 --> 00:05:22.233 But following him means, first and foremost, I ask, what is his way? 00:05:22.233 --> 00:05:23.733 Or don't ask first what is my way? 00:05:23.733 --> 00:05:26.632 I ask what is his way? 00:05:26.632 --> 00:05:27.500 How do we do that? 00:05:27.500 --> 00:05:29.932 Jesus is going to show us three ways to move towards that. 00:05:29.932 --> 00:05:31.233 As we look at today's passage. 00:05:31.233 --> 00:05:38.365 And I think the first way, if you look at your notes, make sure you're seeking out the whole counsel of God. 00:05:38.365 --> 00:05:40.899 That's the first point in your outline. 00:05:40.899 --> 00:05:43.266 Make sure you're seeking out the whole counsel of God. 00:05:43.266 --> 00:05:52.033 Paul, when he came to the Ephesus and to the Ephesians in Acts chapter 20, he said to them, when I came to you, I sought to teach the whole counsel of God. 00:05:52.033 --> 00:05:55.833 I sought to teach all of Scripture, not just, and we all love to do this. 00:05:55.833 --> 00:06:00.333 I didn't just pick out the little parts that I like and ignore the rest. 00:06:00.632 --> 00:06:03.500 I want to look at what all of Scripture says. 00:06:03.500 --> 00:06:15.065 And so as we look at this verse today, these two verses, this short section, we want to make sure we're taking it in consideration the whole context of Scripture. 00:06:15.065 --> 00:06:25.266 What we see here is that Jesus is quoting from Deuteronomy because he says in verse 31 it was also said, whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce. 00:06:25.266 --> 00:06:26.432 He's quoting from Deuteronomy. 00:06:26.432 --> 00:06:27.699 So we're going to turn there and look at this. 00:06:27.699 --> 00:06:31.733 This is Deuteronomy chapter 24, verses one through four. 00:06:32.132 --> 00:06:34.766 If you have a church Bible, it's on page 156. 00:06:34.766 --> 00:06:36.165 Deuteronomy is in the front of the Bible. 00:06:36.165 --> 00:06:36.966 It's one of the first. 00:06:36.966 --> 00:06:38.500 It's the fifth book of the Old Testament. 00:06:38.500 --> 00:06:46.632 What's considered in fact, the first five books were called the law or the Torah by the by the Jews, it was considered the most authoritative section, most important part of Scripture. 00:06:46.632 --> 00:06:50.132 For them they held most closely, most dear. 00:06:50.132 --> 00:06:54.333 And of course, there are many, many, many commands all throughout these sections. 00:06:54.333 --> 00:07:02.966 Of course, Deuteronomy begins with the most famous ten Commandments, but after that there's many other laws affecting many other areas of life. 00:07:02.966 --> 00:07:07.033 You know, we have the Constitution that would be the most important law of the land. 00:07:07.033 --> 00:07:14.266 But every every part of the country has millions of other laws helping to govern other aspects of life. 00:07:14.266 --> 00:07:18.466 And much of the rest of the Torah and the Old Testament was building out. 00:07:18.466 --> 00:07:19.899 Here's what the Ten Commandments means. 00:07:19.899 --> 00:07:21.266 Here's how it applies to your life. 00:07:21.266 --> 00:07:22.500 Here's how it works today. 00:07:22.500 --> 00:07:31.432 This is the one section we really have in the Old Testament that directly addresses the mechanics of divorce, how to go about it, what you should do, what's allowed, what's not. 00:07:31.432 --> 00:07:33.065 And it's very brief. 00:07:33.065 --> 00:07:35.233 In fact, it's very specific. 00:07:35.233 --> 00:07:37.132 So we're going to I'm just going to read these out loud. 00:07:37.132 --> 00:07:39.266 Deuteronomy 241 through four. 00:07:39.266 --> 00:07:42.665 When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then. 00:07:42.665 --> 00:07:45.899 And by the way, as you're reading this, look at all the if words here. 00:07:45.899 --> 00:07:47.466 This is very situational. 00:07:47.466 --> 00:07:51.100 If this happens, if this happens, if this happens, this is very specific. 00:07:52.365 --> 00:07:53.766 Very not speculative. 00:07:53.766 --> 00:07:57.932 That's not the right word, but conditional. 00:07:57.932 --> 00:08:02.665 If this happens, this happens, this happens, then here's what applies. 00:08:02.899 --> 00:08:17.266 When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house. 00:08:17.266 --> 00:08:49.466 And if she goes and becomes another man's wife and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand, sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife after she has been defiled, for this is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin upon the land that your Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance. 00:08:49.466 --> 00:08:49.732 All right. 00:08:49.732 --> 00:08:51.832 There's a lot going on here. 00:08:51.832 --> 00:09:03.566 And part of this is many of the laws we encounter in the Old Testament are specific, situational to Israel, in the land under God's rule, in the land. 00:09:03.566 --> 00:09:08.500 And many of them, many of them are very confusing, especially some of the dietary laws or clothing laws. 00:09:08.500 --> 00:09:09.966 And you go, why would he do that? 00:09:09.966 --> 00:09:11.332 Many of them were centered on. 00:09:11.332 --> 00:09:15.633 One basic idea is that you are to be set apart from the people around you. 00:09:15.633 --> 00:09:16.700 You're to be different. 00:09:16.700 --> 00:09:18.265 Even if the law doesn't make sense to you. 00:09:18.265 --> 00:09:21.466 This is for you to know that we're different than the other people around us. 00:09:21.466 --> 00:09:22.700 We are God's chosen people. 00:09:22.700 --> 00:09:24.633 We're meant to be separate. 00:09:24.633 --> 00:09:27.633 That was at the we're meant to be holy. 00:09:27.700 --> 00:09:29.700 That is at the heart of a lot of these laws. 00:09:29.700 --> 00:09:33.832 So when you read things about defilement and abomination, don't bring sin upon the land. 00:09:33.832 --> 00:09:35.332 And we go, how would this do that? 00:09:35.332 --> 00:09:36.265 What does that mean? 00:09:36.265 --> 00:09:47.232 Some of that isn't fully clear to us why that is, but at the heart of the end of it, it's God saying, follow this so that you can maintain your separateness from the other people around you. 00:09:48.365 --> 00:10:01.066 Now, this passage I read through the whole thing because there's an important point to make, because the argument that was occurring was around this idea of, is it okay to divorce for any reason? 00:10:01.365 --> 00:10:05.966 And I can just give a certificate of divorce, because that's in the Old Testament. 00:10:05.966 --> 00:10:06.765 It says, you can. 00:10:06.765 --> 00:10:08.732 You saw it here in the first verse. 00:10:08.732 --> 00:10:12.966 Man finds no favor, gives her a certificate of divorce. 00:10:13.066 --> 00:10:16.232 But the point of this passage isn't about the certificate. 00:10:16.232 --> 00:10:20.299 It doesn't tell you when that's okay or not. It just assumes it happened. 00:10:20.299 --> 00:10:24.432 The whole point of this passage is about what happens after the divorce. 00:10:24.832 --> 00:10:28.265 The whole point is putting limits on what happens after the divorce. 00:10:28.265 --> 00:10:34.066 The whole point is to say if you got divorced from someone, you remarry another. You can't go back now. 00:10:34.066 --> 00:10:36.265 Again, that was situational to that time. 00:10:36.265 --> 00:10:40.033 He's trying to put limits on something that had probably become chaotic. 00:10:40.033 --> 00:10:45.966 Martin Lloyd-Jones, in his commentary on this, talked about that, that God is often putting limits where chaos has occurred. 00:10:45.966 --> 00:10:50.133 We see this in eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth that was meant to put limits. 00:10:50.133 --> 00:10:54.232 You can't just if if you take my eye, I get to kill, you know? 00:10:54.232 --> 00:10:55.832 No, there's eye for an eye. 00:10:55.832 --> 00:10:56.966 This meant to put limits. 00:10:56.966 --> 00:11:01.166 It doesn't mean you have to take an eye, but it means you can't take beyond that. 00:11:01.166 --> 00:11:02.932 The punishment needs to fit the crime. 00:11:02.932 --> 00:11:06.033 And so here he's putting limits on the situation that had gotten out of hand. 00:11:06.033 --> 00:11:10.066 People are probably wife swapping like crazy and jumping around in marriages all over the place. 00:11:10.066 --> 00:11:11.500 And he's saying, look, here's some limits. 00:11:13.299 --> 00:11:18.232 Now all this comes back to what Jesus is addressing. 00:11:18.232 --> 00:11:23.533 Because even though this passage is mainly around or putting limits, you can't go back. 00:11:23.533 --> 00:11:26.566 Here's here's what the people of the time heard. 00:11:26.566 --> 00:11:28.232 I can give a certificate of divorce. 00:11:28.232 --> 00:11:31.033 I love that passage about giving a certificate of divorce. 00:11:31.033 --> 00:11:36.265 If I went out of this, all I got to do is write them a little certificate and I'm good. 00:11:37.700 --> 00:11:39.633 And they missed the point of the section. 00:11:39.633 --> 00:11:55.466 They missed the point that was more about the heart and more about trusting all of God's law, not just picking out the little parts that you like and that fit your own desires and your agenda, but making sure to take it all into consideration. 00:11:55.466 --> 00:11:56.732 So this is the first part of this. 00:11:56.732 --> 00:11:59.732 Make sure you're considering the whole counsel of God. 00:11:59.732 --> 00:12:02.066 If not, you'll end up in a place. 00:12:04.700 --> 00:12:07.265 Where you pick out any part you want. 00:12:07.265 --> 00:12:12.566 You think you can justify any sin with just writing a certificate? 00:12:12.865 --> 00:12:18.732 You'll end up like the guy I remember the guy telling me when he read Ephesians 518 do not be drunk with wine. 00:12:19.633 --> 00:12:22.500 I don't drink wine, so I'm good. 00:12:22.500 --> 00:12:25.700 No, no, no, you don't understand the heart of the passage. 00:12:25.700 --> 00:12:28.500 Don't be drunk at all. 00:12:28.500 --> 00:12:31.500 It's not okay with other things as well. 00:12:31.633 --> 00:12:36.666 So we don't just pick out little parts of scripture to help us build whatever case we want for life. 00:12:36.666 --> 00:12:38.633 We got to consider the whole counsel of God. 00:12:38.633 --> 00:12:42.500 We got to come back and read it in context and understand. 00:12:42.500 --> 00:12:45.500 Marriage is still a very weighty thing. 00:12:45.533 --> 00:12:49.299 Just because divorce was allowed doesn't mean it's an inherent good. 00:12:50.466 --> 00:12:50.832 All right. 00:12:50.832 --> 00:12:52.100 So now that's the first one. 00:12:52.100 --> 00:12:56.832 Consider the whole counsel of God's second Jesus in our heart and with his audience. 00:12:56.832 --> 00:12:58.500 He wants to expose. 00:12:58.500 --> 00:13:00.533 Number two, this is the second one in your outline. 00:13:00.533 --> 00:13:05.332 He wants to expose our tendencies to self, justify. 00:13:05.365 --> 00:13:07.332 We all have that tendency. 00:13:07.332 --> 00:13:09.232 We want to self justify. 00:13:09.232 --> 00:13:12.865 You know, part of that is this is a side note. 00:13:12.865 --> 00:13:19.700 I didn't have this in my notes, but I think it's important to mention part of it is that I don't know how you were brought up. 00:13:19.865 --> 00:13:27.500 Many of us learn certain patterns of behavior in the way you're brought up, and if you're brought up poorly, it's part of survival. 00:13:27.500 --> 00:13:29.832 And you've learned to maybe attack always. 00:13:29.832 --> 00:13:31.832 Maybe that's your initial tendency. 00:13:31.832 --> 00:13:36.566 It's always attack because you were never right growing up, or you never had a chance, or no one stood up for you. 00:13:36.566 --> 00:13:38.100 You learned patterns. 00:13:38.100 --> 00:13:39.365 Okay, I don't I don't know. 00:13:39.365 --> 00:13:41.832 And maybe for some of it it's I'm always right. 00:13:41.832 --> 00:13:45.732 And if anyone says I'm wrong, then I've got to cut them out of my life. 00:13:45.732 --> 00:13:48.533 Some of us have learned that pattern. 00:13:48.533 --> 00:13:50.365 I don't blame you for that, okay? 00:13:50.365 --> 00:13:53.500 Some of us maybe like that and continue in that. 00:13:54.899 --> 00:13:56.533 But it's good to be aware of that. 00:13:56.533 --> 00:14:02.299 And we all have that tendency to self justify already buried deep within us. 00:14:02.299 --> 00:14:04.100 And Jesus is exposing this here. 00:14:04.100 --> 00:14:24.966 So when he talks to them back in Deuteronomy 24, and he's bringing up in particular this one phrase, if you look back at 24, verse one, when a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her and writes her certificate of divorce. 00:14:24.966 --> 00:14:28.100 There was a lot of debate at this time around that phrase. 00:14:28.100 --> 00:14:29.633 Some indecency in her. 00:14:29.633 --> 00:14:31.633 What does that mean? 00:14:31.633 --> 00:14:36.100 So apparently there is some legitimate grounds for divorce. 00:14:36.100 --> 00:14:39.166 And by the way, I'm speaking mainly Old Testament here. 00:14:39.166 --> 00:14:40.832 Jesus expounds on that. 00:14:40.832 --> 00:14:50.566 And this is part of the reason why I said at the beginning, this isn't a whole sermon on all the aspects of divorce, because there's two verses here we're talking about. 00:14:50.566 --> 00:14:59.765 We could look at dozens of verses around it, but the main argument at the time that Jesus was addressing was around this phrase, he's found some indecency in here. 00:14:59.765 --> 00:15:01.633 What does that mean? 00:15:01.633 --> 00:15:05.299 Because we need to know what that means, to know what's allowed, what's not. 00:15:05.299 --> 00:15:11.100 In fact, the literal rendering of those two words, there is nakedness of a matter, nakedness of a thing. 00:15:11.100 --> 00:15:15.865 Nakedness was often used, most often in reference to sexual sin. 00:15:15.932 --> 00:15:19.232 Many times it was used in other context as well. 00:15:19.232 --> 00:15:22.166 But the argument at the time had been become about what does that phrase mean? 00:15:22.166 --> 00:15:25.732 If we know what that phrase means, then we'll know what's allowed, what's not. 00:15:25.732 --> 00:15:29.466 Now, there was two major schools of thought at the time of putting your notes. 00:15:29.466 --> 00:15:30.966 The names of these two groups. 00:15:30.966 --> 00:15:33.033 One was Shammai, one was Hillel. 00:15:33.033 --> 00:15:37.133 Those would have been two different rabbis at the time. 00:15:37.133 --> 00:15:39.765 You know, you all have your favorite Bible teacher. 00:15:39.765 --> 00:15:42.500 You might someone might say, hey, I really like what Rick Warren says. 00:15:42.500 --> 00:15:44.865 And another one might say, hey, I really like what John Piper says. 00:15:44.865 --> 00:15:45.732 I follow him. 00:15:45.732 --> 00:15:49.899 You've got your guy that you go to and you go or gal, I love their teaching. 00:15:49.899 --> 00:15:52.633 If they say it, I'm probably going to agree with it. 00:15:52.633 --> 00:16:00.700 And those camps had developed in among the rabbis in the Jewish realm, around two guys around this topic and around this argument in particular. 00:16:00.700 --> 00:16:02.633 Again, one was Shammai, one was Hillel. 00:16:02.633 --> 00:16:04.566 Shammai was on the more conservative. 00:16:04.566 --> 00:16:07.033 In the stricter end, we have their writings. 00:16:07.033 --> 00:16:09.232 Many of them are captured in the Babylonian Talmud. 00:16:09.232 --> 00:16:13.166 And I'll just write what they said the House of Shammai says, or I'll read what they said. 00:16:13.166 --> 00:16:21.166 The House of Shammai says a man should divorce his wife only because he has grounds for it in uncharted. 00:16:22.566 --> 00:16:33.700 So the only reason, according to them, that phrase, when we read it on the strict end, on the conservative end, that phrase only refers to some kind of sexual unfaithfulness. 00:16:33.700 --> 00:16:35.932 That was the Shammai camp, the Hillel camp. 00:16:35.932 --> 00:16:37.100 They went to the other extreme. 00:16:37.100 --> 00:16:38.700 They went to the very liberal end. 00:16:38.700 --> 00:16:39.865 Here's how they interpret it. 00:16:39.865 --> 00:16:50.765 The House of Hillel says, even if she has spoiled his dish because it says, if you find any indecency in anything. 00:16:50.765 --> 00:16:55.765 Another rabbi said, even if he found someone else prettier than her. 00:16:55.765 --> 00:16:59.265 So those are very different extremes, by the way. 00:16:59.265 --> 00:17:01.966 One is no listen only for sexual unfaithfulness. 00:17:01.966 --> 00:17:05.865 The other is really for any reason, okay? 00:17:05.865 --> 00:17:08.432 Any whim, any any reason. 00:17:08.432 --> 00:17:11.432 I am unsatisfied or unhappy. 00:17:12.066 --> 00:17:17.165 I remember a friend of mine going through a divorce and I asked this person, you know what? 00:17:18.299 --> 00:17:19.766 Why are you leaving them? 00:17:19.766 --> 00:17:21.700 What happened? 00:17:21.700 --> 00:17:23.732 And a number of reasons we're given. 00:17:23.732 --> 00:17:27.032 But the main one, the most pressing one for them as well. 00:17:27.032 --> 00:17:29.066 He just wouldn't put his shoes away. 00:17:29.066 --> 00:17:32.066 I always left him out everywhere. 00:17:32.965 --> 00:17:34.865 Okay, well, he was a jerk, too. 00:17:34.865 --> 00:17:35.900 He was a real jerk, too. 00:17:35.900 --> 00:17:38.900 Okay, okay, I get it. 00:17:39.766 --> 00:17:41.032 Any other reasons? 00:17:41.032 --> 00:17:46.299 And there was a number of reasons, but at the end of the day, it all came down to. 00:17:46.299 --> 00:17:48.700 I'm just unhappy. 00:17:48.700 --> 00:17:52.900 And look, by the way, many people are unhappy in marriage. 00:17:52.932 --> 00:17:55.766 It certainly happens. 00:17:55.766 --> 00:18:02.333 But what this person was looking for in that situation, I think I'm unhappy. 00:18:02.333 --> 00:18:07.032 And I just went out for any reason I can find and justify. 00:18:07.032 --> 00:18:11.932 Again, I'm not saying there's not legitimate reasons to divorce, but there's plenty of times. 00:18:14.465 --> 00:18:16.133 And pick any situation in life. 00:18:16.133 --> 00:18:24.532 By the way, there's plenty of times where we go, I know what I want, and I wanted it all cost, and I don't want to hear any truth and I don't care what the Bible says. 00:18:24.532 --> 00:18:30.432 And even if it says what seems clear, I'm going to make it say what I wanted to say so I can get my way. 00:18:31.766 --> 00:18:33.865 And that's what was happening at the time. 00:18:33.865 --> 00:18:35.732 It was the easy divorce culture. 00:18:35.732 --> 00:18:38.333 Not not everyone, but especially among the religious elites. 00:18:38.333 --> 00:18:40.432 This had become the dominant view. 00:18:40.432 --> 00:18:43.566 If you want a divorce, look, you're good. 00:18:43.566 --> 00:18:46.665 Just write her a little certificate and you're good. 00:18:46.665 --> 00:18:48.665 You've still followed the letter of the law. 00:18:48.665 --> 00:18:51.500 You don't have to worry that maybe you've committed adultery. 00:18:51.500 --> 00:18:55.665 All you gotta do remember Moses said, just writer a certificate of divorce and you're good. 00:18:59.365 --> 00:19:09.032 This week, one of our life group leaders, Mike Hampshire, showed me he's got a a Roman coin, which was so cool. 00:19:09.299 --> 00:19:10.833 I'm a sucker for that kind of thing. 00:19:10.833 --> 00:19:17.500 Ancient artifact somehow connected into Roman history, the Roman Empire, Christian history. 00:19:17.500 --> 00:19:18.932 You know, let me see it. 00:19:18.932 --> 00:19:20.133 And he showed it to me. 00:19:20.133 --> 00:19:21.266 And then he said, now look at the top. 00:19:21.266 --> 00:19:24.833 We know this is authentic because it has a certificate with it. 00:19:24.833 --> 00:19:31.032 And of course, this certificate looks like it was printed on my home copier and handwritten by anyone. 00:19:31.566 --> 00:19:33.365 And I wanted to believe it's true. 00:19:33.365 --> 00:19:34.165 And he does too. 00:19:34.165 --> 00:19:34.965 And I think we do. 00:19:34.965 --> 00:19:36.465 He bought it when he was over in Israel. 00:19:36.465 --> 00:19:38.665 It must be real. 00:19:38.665 --> 00:19:42.365 But just writing something on a certificate doesn't make it true. 00:19:42.365 --> 00:19:43.232 And this one, Mary. 00:19:43.232 --> 00:19:46.232 Well, may be real, but you see my point? 00:19:46.500 --> 00:19:51.732 This is what the church was facing or the Jews were facing at the time. 00:19:51.732 --> 00:19:54.333 We can get around the law however we want. 00:19:54.333 --> 00:19:57.766 We can make it say whatever we want and we can say we're following it. 00:19:59.500 --> 00:20:02.133 But you're not. 00:20:02.133 --> 00:20:11.900 And Jesus is exposing this tendency to self justify, to make sure I can get my way no matter what. 00:20:11.900 --> 00:20:14.133 All this leads us to number three. 00:20:14.133 --> 00:20:15.965 This is the third thing, the third way. 00:20:15.965 --> 00:20:19.066 Jesus is saying we need to move from our way to his way. 00:20:19.066 --> 00:20:24.865 Number three, strive to honor the heart of the matter. 00:20:24.932 --> 00:20:27.633 Strive to honor the heart of Scripture. 00:20:27.633 --> 00:20:36.665 Strive to honor not just what you wanted to mean, but what it really means, what it is really intended, what Jesus fully intended. 00:20:37.532 --> 00:20:40.532 And by the way, this isn't just so that we become good law keepers. 00:20:40.532 --> 00:20:47.365 This is so that we experience life to the fullest, so that we experience God's plan to the fullest. 00:20:47.365 --> 00:20:50.165 That we experience the full joy of walking with him. 00:20:52.232 --> 00:20:56.532 Flip back with me to Matthew chapter five and you'll see here. 00:20:57.333 --> 00:20:59.066 Look at verse 32 again. 00:20:59.066 --> 00:21:08.865 He says to them, I say to you, every one who divorces his wife, except on the grounds of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. 00:21:08.865 --> 00:21:13.865 Jesus, by the way, makes it clear here if you're not sure what it means, Hillel. 00:21:13.865 --> 00:21:17.566 Shammai, I'm going to make it really clear grounds of sexual immorality. 00:21:17.566 --> 00:21:24.266 I am telling you, it's a lot stricter than you think in terms of reasons why divorce should be allowed. 00:21:24.266 --> 00:21:36.465 And again, I'm not giving all the full case for all the situations and the especially two in particular, that Scripture addresses one sexual immorality, one around abandonment. 00:21:36.932 --> 00:21:43.465 But Jesus is saying, you think you have the grounds for divorce because you wrote a little certificate and you think it's true, but it's not. 00:21:47.232 --> 00:21:53.266 Here's the tricky part for his audience you think you're good, you think you're free from sin, he said. 00:21:53.266 --> 00:21:56.333 But actually you are an adulterer. 00:21:57.865 --> 00:22:11.732 You think because you wrote a little certificate you can say, we're good, but if you didn't follow what Scripture says, you actually are actually committing the very sin you say you haven't. 00:22:12.365 --> 00:22:16.799 But the way to get past this, the way to move beyond this, is to press for the heart of the matter. 00:22:16.799 --> 00:22:20.599 And so I want to look at another passage that Jesus unpacks. 00:22:20.599 --> 00:22:25.000 Matthew chapter 19 is where he expands on this. 00:22:25.432 --> 00:22:27.465 What we're trying to do is look at the whole council of Scripture. 00:22:27.465 --> 00:22:32.932 I can't look at every verse on divorce, but we're going to look at just a little more that is addressed in Matthew chapter 19. 00:22:32.932 --> 00:22:41.333 All of this is trying to press back to all of our tendencies to self justify, whether it's divorce or relationships, or whether it's any other sin. 00:22:41.333 --> 00:22:46.465 We're trying to press to that hard issue of self-justifying Matthew chapter 19. 00:22:46.465 --> 00:22:51.000 There's this section in verses one through or three through ten. 00:22:52.333 --> 00:22:56.766 I want to point out a couple of things here that help us understand the heart of the issue. 00:22:56.766 --> 00:22:59.165 The Pharisees came up to him and tested him. 00:22:59.165 --> 00:23:02.000 That's the key word to note here. 00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:02.365 They don't. 00:23:02.365 --> 00:23:03.965 They don't really want his sincere answer. 00:23:03.965 --> 00:23:05.932 They don't really care what he has to say. 00:23:05.932 --> 00:23:07.865 They don't really aren't looking to learn from him. 00:23:07.865 --> 00:23:14.799 They're looking to test him, to trip him up, to show that they're the ones who really know what they're talking about, that he's the one that's crazy. 00:23:14.799 --> 00:23:17.732 It's this isn't sincere. 00:23:17.732 --> 00:23:22.365 Pharisees came to and test him by asking, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? 00:23:22.365 --> 00:23:28.633 There's that phrase for any reason, for some indecency, he answered. 00:23:28.633 --> 00:23:35.365 Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, therefore he shall leave. 00:23:35.365 --> 00:23:41.365 A man shall leave his father and his mother, and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 00:23:41.365 --> 00:23:43.532 So they are no longer two, but one. 00:23:43.532 --> 00:23:45.532 What therefore God has joined together? 00:23:45.532 --> 00:23:47.365 Let not man separate. 00:23:48.865 --> 00:23:56.266 They said to him, why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce, and to send her away? 00:23:56.266 --> 00:23:59.732 He said to them, because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed. 00:23:59.732 --> 00:24:02.732 I love how he corrects their command. 00:24:03.200 --> 00:24:05.766 Is it a command or an allowance? 00:24:05.766 --> 00:24:09.965 Jesus corrects Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 00:24:09.965 --> 00:24:15.232 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality and marries another, commits adultery. 00:24:15.232 --> 00:24:21.732 The disciples said to him, if such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry. 00:24:21.732 --> 00:24:23.965 I want to point out three things about this section. 00:24:23.965 --> 00:24:29.865 So this is a little more an expansion on those two verses we saw in chapter five. 00:24:29.865 --> 00:24:34.833 Later on, its addressed again when the Pharisees come to him trying to trip him up. 00:24:36.032 --> 00:24:38.865 Three things here in this passage that are important. 00:24:38.865 --> 00:24:42.000 First, Jesus appeals to creation. 00:24:42.032 --> 00:24:43.432 He appeals to Genesis. 00:24:43.432 --> 00:24:47.232 He appeals to the beginning of how things were intended. 00:24:47.232 --> 00:24:50.232 He appeals to God's design. 00:24:51.133 --> 00:24:59.932 And he says, look, in the beginning, the design was one man, one woman faithful to one another for a lifetime. 00:25:01.400 --> 00:25:07.865 And that's, by the way, if you look at our church doctrine statement, that's how we define marriage, because that's how the Bible defines marriage. 00:25:07.865 --> 00:25:10.865 One man, one woman for a lifetime. 00:25:11.333 --> 00:25:14.566 And again, I know many in this room have gone through divorce. 00:25:14.566 --> 00:25:18.766 We don't hold that definition up to beat up anyone. 00:25:18.766 --> 00:25:21.365 We're not here to heap shame or guilt on anyone. 00:25:21.365 --> 00:25:23.965 I don't know the path you've been down. 00:25:23.965 --> 00:25:24.900 I don't know reason. 00:25:24.900 --> 00:25:27.500 The reasons why you've ended up where you've ended up. 00:25:27.500 --> 00:25:30.165 All we want to do is to build into you where you are today. 00:25:33.432 --> 00:25:37.333 But even though there's pain, there's challenge, there's troubles, there's heartache. 00:25:37.333 --> 00:25:40.766 We still want to hold up God's intent, God's design, God's plan. 00:25:40.766 --> 00:25:44.665 We feel like that is still the best for for everyone. 00:25:44.665 --> 00:25:46.532 We don't hide that. 00:25:46.532 --> 00:25:49.766 We don't step away from that because it's hard and painful for some. 00:25:49.766 --> 00:25:51.532 And it is. 00:25:51.532 --> 00:25:52.665 We still want to hold it up. 00:25:52.665 --> 00:25:54.066 This is still God's plan. 00:25:54.066 --> 00:25:57.066 This is still his best. 00:25:57.266 --> 00:25:59.766 Jesus appeals to the beginning. 00:25:59.766 --> 00:26:02.665 Don't forget this is how things were intended to be. 00:26:02.665 --> 00:26:07.032 Second, he points out the reason why things are the way they are is divorce. 00:26:07.032 --> 00:26:14.700 As a result, one of the results at the end of the day is he says here, the hardness of your heart. 00:26:14.700 --> 00:26:23.099 In verse eight he said to them, because of the hardness of your heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives. 00:26:26.099 --> 00:26:31.365 The word behind that even sounds like our word for sclerosis, for the hardening of the arteries. 00:26:31.365 --> 00:26:33.965 That's probably where they get that idea. 00:26:33.965 --> 00:26:40.266 The the hard heart is one that says, I'm going to do what I want to do no matter what, and I don't care about the fallout. 00:26:40.266 --> 00:26:42.333 I don't care about anyone else. 00:26:42.333 --> 00:26:44.032 And that's what sin does. 00:26:44.032 --> 00:26:45.333 And sin is devastating. 00:26:45.333 --> 00:26:47.066 And divorce, by the way, is devastating. 00:26:47.066 --> 00:26:51.365 No one goes into marriage hoping that one day will end up in divorce. 00:26:51.365 --> 00:26:53.133 No one goes in with that mindset. 00:26:53.133 --> 00:26:56.732 It's always the result of something going wrong. 00:26:56.732 --> 00:27:02.465 It's always the result of sin entering into the relationship, and it's devastating. 00:27:02.465 --> 00:27:05.299 This is why governments try to keep people together. 00:27:05.299 --> 00:27:07.432 Maybe not as much so as they used to. 00:27:07.432 --> 00:27:14.266 It used to be a lot of boundaries that tried to make it hard for people to get divorced, because we need to stay in there for a little while and not just give up right away. 00:27:14.266 --> 00:27:15.766 But it's devastating. It's it's hard. 00:27:15.766 --> 00:27:16.965 On the economy. 00:27:16.965 --> 00:27:20.232 Productivity plummets when people go through divorce. 00:27:20.232 --> 00:27:25.232 If you've been there, you know, it's hard to focus on work when you're going through some kind of trauma at home. 00:27:26.532 --> 00:27:29.532 It's hard on kids. 00:27:29.532 --> 00:27:32.465 We love to tell ourselves the kids will be fine. 00:27:32.465 --> 00:27:33.633 They'll be fine. 00:27:33.633 --> 00:27:34.432 Kids are resilient. 00:27:34.432 --> 00:27:36.266 They'll get through it. 00:27:36.266 --> 00:27:39.099 They're not fine. 00:27:39.099 --> 00:27:41.865 We make decisions and there's ramifications of that. 00:27:41.865 --> 00:27:42.932 And there's fallout. 00:27:42.932 --> 00:27:47.532 And many people still, as adults, are struggling with the fallout of the divorce of their parents. 00:27:47.532 --> 00:27:51.066 And maybe we get through it and we get through it. 00:27:51.865 --> 00:27:55.465 But I don't know that we can say that we're just fine. 00:27:55.465 --> 00:27:57.333 It is hard. 00:27:57.333 --> 00:28:01.133 It is devastating, even if it's the right thing to do. 00:28:01.133 --> 00:28:09.532 By the way, it's still really hard on everyone involved and it comes from sin. 00:28:09.766 --> 00:28:23.833 The third thing he highlights here is the response of the disciples of the disciples respond in amazement. The disciples say, if this is the way marriage is meant to be, it's better to not even get married at all. 00:28:23.833 --> 00:28:27.833 It's better to not even take a chance that you might end up in divorce. 00:28:27.833 --> 00:28:34.066 And maybe they're going, oh, we all know that none of us are good enough to keep a marriage together. 00:28:34.066 --> 00:28:35.633 It's better to just stay away from it. 00:28:35.633 --> 00:28:45.932 Who knows exactly what all was going on in their mind, but they're acknowledging that God's plan for marriage was much greater than at least the mindset of the day. 00:28:46.566 --> 00:28:50.432 And we have to acknowledge that we all live in an easy divorce culture. 00:28:50.432 --> 00:28:52.700 All of us do. 00:28:52.700 --> 00:28:55.700 This is where we are. 00:29:01.066 --> 00:29:04.965 And it's a challenge we all face. 00:29:05.266 --> 00:29:08.266 It's really hard. 00:29:08.432 --> 00:29:13.365 What we have to do is try to recapture what God designed for humanity. 00:29:13.833 --> 00:29:17.566 You know, the mystery of marriage is exposed in Ephesians 532. 00:29:17.566 --> 00:29:22.532 The mystery is this that marriage teaches us about Christ's love for the church. 00:29:22.532 --> 00:29:30.599 This is a part of why divorce is so hard, because God says to us, Hebrews 13, I will never leave you or forsake you. 00:29:30.599 --> 00:29:32.200 This is God's commitment to us. 00:29:32.200 --> 00:29:35.133 The main picture we have of commitment is marriage. 00:29:35.133 --> 00:29:39.932 And so when you see a marriage fall apart, even if it even if it needed to happen. 00:29:41.566 --> 00:29:49.266 Part of that picture is marred and it leaves us going, Will God be faithful to me? 00:29:52.432 --> 00:29:55.432 It leaves a struggling. 00:29:55.465 --> 00:30:05.365 Now, let me make a sad comment here, by the way, because this passage raises, I think, for many a hard issue to address. 00:30:05.365 --> 00:30:10.032 So if you look at Matthew chapter five, he said. 00:30:10.032 --> 00:30:14.932 If any I say to you, every one who divorces his wife to step on the grounds of sexual immorality makes her commit adultery. 00:30:14.932 --> 00:30:16.700 Whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. 00:30:16.700 --> 00:30:19.365 I think many people read this passage and they come out of it wondering. 00:30:19.365 --> 00:30:20.833 Am I in a maybe? 00:30:20.833 --> 00:30:25.500 You've been through divorce and you remarried someone else, and you wonder, am I in an adulterous relationship? 00:30:29.700 --> 00:30:31.900 I don't know the specifics of your situation. 00:30:31.900 --> 00:30:40.700 I'm guessing that many have looked back and said, and I've heard from many people who've been through divorce, they look back and go, yeah, if I could do it over, I'd do some things different. 00:30:40.700 --> 00:30:44.500 Not everyone, but some would. 00:30:44.500 --> 00:30:46.932 Yeah, I made some poor choices. 00:30:46.932 --> 00:30:52.032 Yeah, I've justified what I was doing because that's what I wanted, no matter what. 00:30:52.032 --> 00:30:52.732 Here's what I want to say. 00:30:52.732 --> 00:30:54.165 I want to say this cautiously. 00:30:54.165 --> 00:30:57.165 I want to say this carefully. 00:30:57.266 --> 00:31:05.266 Even if your divorce was a result of your own adultery, that doesn't mean that your marriage now is in a perpetual adultery relationship. 00:31:05.965 --> 00:31:07.133 And we know this for a couple of reasons. 00:31:07.133 --> 00:31:20.700 One is in Deuteronomy 24, when Jesus or Jesus, when Moses was talking to them about their marriages and referring to this other marriage that probably wasn't on legitimate grounds, they still called him a real marriage. 00:31:21.965 --> 00:31:24.732 He didn't say to them, and she gets remarried. 00:31:24.732 --> 00:31:26.232 And by the way, that's not a real marriage. 00:31:26.232 --> 00:31:27.465 It doesn't count. 00:31:27.465 --> 00:31:28.865 She never got unmarried. 00:31:28.865 --> 00:31:30.266 No. 00:31:30.266 --> 00:31:36.633 He acknowledges that now she is legitimately married to another person. 00:31:37.465 --> 00:31:46.900 And so even if it is a result, the cause being adultery, that doesn't mean now that there's this just perpetual adultery occurring. 00:31:46.900 --> 00:31:54.133 This is now a new marriage, and even a marriage under wrong circumstances is still a marriage before God. 00:31:54.133 --> 00:31:58.665 The solution, and especially looking at Deuteronomy 24, isn't to go, well, I guess I need to divorce this person. 00:31:58.665 --> 00:31:59.299 Go back to them. 00:31:59.299 --> 00:32:04.066 That's actually the very specific situation that is outlawed in that passage. 00:32:04.633 --> 00:32:05.532 That's the first reason. 00:32:05.532 --> 00:32:11.965 Second is, and this is important for everyone to hear divorce, adultery, either one. 00:32:11.965 --> 00:32:12.465 Both. 00:32:12.465 --> 00:32:15.465 Neither are the unforgivable sin. 00:32:16.932 --> 00:32:22.333 And I say that carefully because we're also not saying that it's a good thing. 00:32:22.333 --> 00:32:23.165 We're not. 00:32:23.165 --> 00:32:24.965 That doesn't somehow give permission. 00:32:24.965 --> 00:32:26.665 Oh, no big deal. 00:32:26.665 --> 00:32:29.665 No, both are still devastating. 00:32:30.566 --> 00:32:32.365 But they're not unforgivable. 00:32:32.365 --> 00:32:37.700 You don't come into church and we go, listen, have you been divorced or have you been through adultery? Sorry. 00:32:37.700 --> 00:32:42.032 No, look, neither are unforgivable. 00:32:42.032 --> 00:32:49.066 So if you're not sure about where you stand with God and your marriage, come to him, bring it to him and say, God, I'm sorry. 00:32:49.066 --> 00:32:50.165 Here's what I've done wrong. 00:32:50.165 --> 00:32:50.900 And own it. 00:32:50.900 --> 00:32:52.965 By the way, on what you've done wrong. 00:32:52.965 --> 00:32:54.365 Don't just blame the other person. 00:32:54.365 --> 00:32:55.266 Yes, they had a part. 00:32:55.266 --> 00:32:56.432 There's always two people. 00:32:56.432 --> 00:32:58.066 Always. Yes. 00:32:58.066 --> 00:32:59.432 Own what you've done. 00:33:01.633 --> 00:33:06.299 And then confess your sin and walk in his forgiveness. 00:33:07.266 --> 00:33:08.566 Walk in his forgiveness. 00:33:08.566 --> 00:33:09.165 Moving forward. 00:33:09.165 --> 00:33:12.032 There's nothing the enemy would love more than to keep feeding you the live. 00:33:12.032 --> 00:33:12.965 Well, you know what? 00:33:12.965 --> 00:33:14.232 Your marriage wasn't started, right? 00:33:14.232 --> 00:33:15.932 So therefore, it's not legitimate in God's eyes. 00:33:15.932 --> 00:33:17.566 You'd be best to just ditch it. 00:33:17.566 --> 00:33:19.333 You'd be better off to just leave it. 00:33:19.333 --> 00:33:22.099 Start over, start fresh. 00:33:22.099 --> 00:33:25.865 The enemy loves to get that into people's heads. 00:33:25.900 --> 00:33:27.432 No, look, this is this is marriage. 00:33:27.432 --> 00:33:30.932 This isn't a bad stock purchase or real estate or a lemon car. 00:33:30.932 --> 00:33:32.432 Well, we'd better just move on. 00:33:32.432 --> 00:33:34.932 It's not getting any better. 00:33:34.932 --> 00:33:40.365 No, we need to have a high view of marriage. 00:33:40.365 --> 00:33:47.865 I want to wrap up the message by just giving you some tips for how you can strengthen the relationship you're in now. 00:33:47.865 --> 00:33:55.099 And if you're not married, if you're single, I want you to think through the lens of how do I become the kind of person I would want to marry? 00:33:55.099 --> 00:33:56.365 That's what you should be thinking about. 00:33:56.365 --> 00:34:05.232 If you want a godly, kind, thoughtful, encouraging, giving person, how are you becoming that person? 00:34:05.232 --> 00:34:06.066 Think through that lens. 00:34:06.066 --> 00:34:10.365 And so as I give these, I'm going to give for specific things. 00:34:10.565 --> 00:34:13.565 As I give these things through, how can I be growing in these now? 00:34:13.565 --> 00:34:17.632 And you might have to think creatively about what that means for you. 00:34:17.632 --> 00:34:18.766 But here's the first one. 00:34:18.766 --> 00:34:25.432 Number one, never threaten divorce. 00:34:26.199 --> 00:34:28.333 Never threaten divorce. 00:34:28.333 --> 00:34:31.333 Especially not flippantly. 00:34:31.766 --> 00:34:35.565 Too many couples, they get into this situation where that becomes the default. 00:34:35.565 --> 00:34:40.000 If things aren't going the way I want a threat and divorce, you better shape up or I'm out of here. 00:34:41.132 --> 00:34:45.400 That's like going to the nuclear option every time there's a challenge. 00:34:45.400 --> 00:34:48.632 Imagine if your boss did that every time something went slightly off. 00:34:48.632 --> 00:34:50.432 Hey, do you have that report done yet? 00:34:50.432 --> 00:34:53.432 If not, you're out of here every single time. 00:34:53.432 --> 00:34:55.865 That's that's not healthy. 00:34:55.865 --> 00:34:57.965 That's not a healthy way to engage in relationship. 00:34:57.965 --> 00:35:00.132 So take that off the table. 00:35:00.132 --> 00:35:01.199 Don't threaten with divorce. 00:35:01.199 --> 00:35:05.432 Don't be a threat to try to manipulate people to to get what you want. 00:35:05.432 --> 00:35:07.132 That's not healthy. 00:35:07.132 --> 00:35:12.032 Number two stay in shape. 00:35:12.032 --> 00:35:15.032 Maybe get in shape then stay in shape. 00:35:15.532 --> 00:35:23.065 The point of this being anyone who is already in shape, and I'm appealing to those who go, look, I don't need to listen to this part because I got a great marriage. 00:35:23.065 --> 00:35:27.865 We've been married 40 years and everything's going great, and I don't know what you can teach me, young guy. 00:35:27.865 --> 00:35:31.632 You've not been married along as us and we're doing great. Back off. 00:35:33.000 --> 00:35:35.166 Pick the fittest person you know. 00:35:35.166 --> 00:35:42.465 And if they stop staying in shape, it is just a matter of time till they are not in shape. 00:35:42.465 --> 00:35:45.266 All you gotta do is nothing to be, not in shape. 00:35:45.266 --> 00:35:48.266 Many of us know what that's like, right? 00:35:48.400 --> 00:35:49.833 We've been there. 00:35:49.833 --> 00:35:51.766 If you are in shape, stay in shape. 00:35:51.766 --> 00:35:53.465 That means keep dating one another. 00:35:53.465 --> 00:35:55.932 Keep getting marriage education. 00:35:55.932 --> 00:35:58.833 Go to conferences, stay in shape. 00:35:58.833 --> 00:36:03.565 In fact, on the back of your notes, I'm making this as easy as it can possibly be. 00:36:03.565 --> 00:36:07.565 Is an ad for the Mindful Marriage workshop we're doing here in March. 00:36:07.565 --> 00:36:16.532 I expect everyone here who is married to be here at this in March, and if you have a conflict, you've got plenty of time to change it. 00:36:16.532 --> 00:36:17.632 You should be here. 00:36:17.632 --> 00:36:19.632 And if you go look, I think my marriage is great. 00:36:19.632 --> 00:36:20.599 I don't think I need that. 00:36:20.599 --> 00:36:23.400 You need to be here and you need to bring someone with you. 00:36:25.000 --> 00:36:30.532 Think of someone who could be could benefit from this, be encouraged by it. 00:36:30.532 --> 00:36:35.199 We got to keep building into our marriage, our relationships, no matter where we are. 00:36:35.199 --> 00:36:37.199 And if you're single, you should be learning all you can. 00:36:37.199 --> 00:36:41.465 Now about how do I grow into the kind of person that could be a great spouse? 00:36:41.465 --> 00:36:47.000 Number three become expert for givers. 00:36:48.266 --> 00:36:48.766 Man. 00:36:48.766 --> 00:36:53.766 Forgiveness is so critical to the health of any relationship. 00:36:53.932 --> 00:36:56.800 It's true of every relationship between anyone here at church. 00:36:56.800 --> 00:36:58.865 If you're in a life group, you know there's plenty of people in there. 00:36:58.865 --> 00:37:00.065 You've had to forgive. 00:37:00.065 --> 00:37:01.932 You've had to learn how to manage conflict. 00:37:01.932 --> 00:37:03.800 You've had to know how to move towards one another. 00:37:03.800 --> 00:37:11.032 You've you have had to know how to receive correction, become expert for givers. 00:37:11.599 --> 00:37:13.233 And then number four. 00:37:15.432 --> 00:37:18.932 Regularly affirm your commitment to one another. 00:37:18.932 --> 00:37:30.365 Regularly affirm your commitment to one another, especially when you're at odds, by the way, especially when there's conflict and you pause and go, look, I just want you to know this is hard. 00:37:30.365 --> 00:37:31.432 I don't like this argument. 00:37:31.432 --> 00:37:35.333 I don't like where it's headed, but I'm not going anywhere. 00:37:38.932 --> 00:37:59.132 Probably ten years ago now, I came home from a day serving at a ministry office, and we had had some difficult situations come up that day at work, and I came home and I was sharing those with Julie, and it was upsetting to her and her voice was elevating. 00:37:59.132 --> 00:38:00.833 She was raising her voice. 00:38:00.833 --> 00:38:01.800 The door was closed. 00:38:01.800 --> 00:38:04.333 We were hidden in the bedroom trying to I was trying to share with her. 00:38:04.333 --> 00:38:05.532 Here's what went down today. 00:38:05.532 --> 00:38:08.000 And she was getting more animated and more animated. 00:38:09.800 --> 00:38:11.632 Finally, we we talked through everything. 00:38:11.632 --> 00:38:12.465 She wasn't mad at me. 00:38:12.465 --> 00:38:15.465 She was just upset by the situation. 00:38:16.800 --> 00:38:17.599 Opened the door. 00:38:17.599 --> 00:38:21.266 And of course, there's two little kids, their ears pressed to the bottom of the door. 00:38:21.266 --> 00:38:22.266 Right there. 00:38:22.266 --> 00:38:25.266 Hop up a first question. 00:38:26.065 --> 00:38:29.065 Are you guys getting a divorce? 00:38:29.833 --> 00:38:33.532 Because if so, we voted to keep mom. 00:38:34.532 --> 00:38:37.532 Smart kids. 00:38:38.032 --> 00:38:40.266 I said no, listen, mom, she wasn't mad at me. 00:38:40.266 --> 00:38:43.266 We weren't arguing with each other. 00:38:43.632 --> 00:38:45.065 And let me show you something. 00:38:45.065 --> 00:38:47.532 And I picked him up in my arms and I carried to the bottom of the stairs. 00:38:47.532 --> 00:39:00.065 Because on the wall we have this marriage covenant that we signed that we got at our wedding day, and it's framed on the wall and on it it says, I commit to you. 00:39:00.065 --> 00:39:02.532 And I said, what does this mean? 00:39:02.532 --> 00:39:06.465 And they looked at it and said, it means you're staying married. 00:39:06.465 --> 00:39:09.400 I said, this means we're not going anywhere. 00:39:09.400 --> 00:39:10.800 We're here. 00:39:10.800 --> 00:39:12.666 We weren't even arguing, but we're here. 00:39:17.099 --> 00:39:18.965 Ezekiel 36. 00:39:18.965 --> 00:39:20.233 This is the key. 00:39:20.233 --> 00:39:23.233 Do you want to know the key? 00:39:23.632 --> 00:39:38.365 The key here is that in Ezekiel 36 is a prediction of the new covenant, a day when the old hard heart will be taken out and instead a heart of flesh. 00:39:38.365 --> 00:39:39.699 And I'll put my spirit in you. 00:39:39.699 --> 00:39:44.733 And it's the Spirit of Jesus living in you that is the key to faithfulness. 00:39:45.500 --> 00:39:47.500 That's the key to faithfulness. 00:39:47.500 --> 00:39:54.865 I couldn't say that to them that I'm not going anywhere because of how great I am, because of how great he is. 00:39:55.432 --> 00:39:58.432 That's the key to faithfulness. 00:39:58.465 --> 00:40:04.565 And what we're going to do now is celebrate together communion and those who are helping to distribute communion. 00:40:04.565 --> 00:40:06.565 If you would go ahead and prepare the elements. 00:40:08.733 --> 00:40:14.065 We take communion together to remind us of what Jesus did on our behalf. 00:40:14.932 --> 00:40:17.766 And if you know Jesus, we want you to participate with us. 00:40:17.766 --> 00:40:19.365 We want you to take communion with us. 00:40:19.365 --> 00:40:23.032 You don't have to be a member of this church if you know him. 00:40:23.032 --> 00:40:30.065 If you claim to follow him, the way we do it is we'll pass the trays down the aisle and as they come past, just take that stack of cups. 00:40:30.065 --> 00:40:32.233 It has juice, bread underneath. 00:40:32.233 --> 00:40:35.132 Take that stack, hang on to him and I'll lead us through taking them together. 00:40:35.132 --> 00:40:39.465 And here's what I want you to meditate on while those are being passed. 00:40:39.532 --> 00:40:46.300 I just want you to think about the beautiful glory of Jesus dying for you. 00:40:47.333 --> 00:40:49.900 Too many times we don't pause to think about that. 00:40:49.900 --> 00:40:59.132 He died for you and whatever sin it is, whether we talked about it today or not, he died for that man. 00:40:59.132 --> 00:41:08.333 If you would go ahead and start passing those down the aisle as they're passing, meditate on how great his death, his burial, his life is for you. 00:41:08.333 --> 00:41:11.532 And then I'll lead us through taking the elements together here in just a minute.