The Home We Build with LtCol Frank "Slap" Lusher (ret).

We talk with retired F-16 pilot LtCol. Frank “Slap” Lusher about why his proudest mission is the family he builds with his wife, not the medals or the flight hours. We break down practical fatherhood habits that create a safe home, strengthen kids under pressure, and keep masculinity rooted in humility and accountability.  
• choosing family-first decisions and closing chapters without regret  
• setting two clear expectations for kids: grades and effort  
• creating a safe space after mistakes instead of piling on pressure  
• using debrief culture to learn from failure without shame  
• teaching kids to reset fast and self-regulate emotions  
• staying ahead of social media and technology through constant communication  
• building a strong marriage through teamwork, honesty, and shared decisions  
• preparing kids for bad coaches and imperfect leaders 

Transcript

Keep Pushing Through The Hard Days

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Keep pushing. Keep pushing. Keep pushing. I need you to be a minister for a moment and find somebody sitting in your general vicinity. Look them dead in the eyes if they owe you $20. And tell the neighbor, whatever you do, keep pushing. Keep pushing, keep pushing. It's hard to keep pushing. In the world that we're living in right now. How is one supposed to find serenity and sanity and strength in the world we live in right now?

SPEAKER_03 0:43

Good

Grief, Gratitude, And A Return

SPEAKER_03 0:44

morning, y'all. Really good to be back with you today. Um, I was supposed to launch an episode talking about Seoul last week, and I did record it. I recorded it the day before she passed. And first and foremost, I just want to say thank you to everybody on social media, particularly those that knew Soul that reached out and shared a memory of her. Um really kind of you guys. And for those that don't didn't know her and still reached out and expressed your condolences and um, you know, just your your feelings of empathy for me and uh my loss, I really appreciate you guys. Um I'm not gonna talk too much about her in this intro. I will launch that episode in a couple days here. Um it's a very emotional episode, so bear with me. Obviously, it was the day before I put my uh about my best friend and my uh my dog of almost 13 years to sleep. Um but I have a really special guest today, and I've been wanting to get this gentleman on the show for a while now. We've played um sort of calendar tag for a bit. He's been more than patient uh with the things that have been going on in my life and scheduling. Um and you know, I I first met um Lieutenant Frank Slap Lusher. He's retired um from United States Air Force uh a handful of years ago when I was put in touch with him while I was applying to uh the um the Air Guard, the 162nd down in Tucson, to fly F-16s. And as you guys know, I've wanted to pursue my pilot's license for a long time now. And um, I've always wanted to fly uh you know the best things out there essentially. So I got put in touch with him and um you know, complete stranger, and immediately uh you know, really connected with him. He was super gracious, giving, um, just just open, you know. He said, He said, What do you need? Who do you need me to put you in touch with? Just very, very supportive, you know. And over the couple years I've I've followed him on social media and and built a little bit of a friendship with him. And I invited him on the show uh probably a year ago now. We you know, we just barely recorded um yesterday. But one of the you know, one of the reasons I wanted to have Slap on the show is not because um you know he's he's this badass F-16 pilot, which is awesome. You know, we're gonna talk about that portion of his life on the show and about his service um and his train. But you know, when when I watch him on social media, um the biggest thing that stands out is how he carries himself uh and the one the father and the husband he has. And I think this this episode is primarily focusing on those aspects, uh, particularly on manhood and masculinity, I want to say. But it's gonna benefit everybody. I think he he brings up some really good points around parenting, around creating a safe space for your children, allowing them to fail, but positively encouraging them. Um he talks about these two requirements that he you know holds all of his kids accountable to. Uh but outside of that, um, it's very much a supportive, loving household uh in partnership with his wife, and and he talks about her huge role in his life and um the decisions he's made uh and the decisions they've made as a family. Um so a little bit of a background on him. So Lieutenant Frank Slap Lusher, he's retired from the uh United States Air Force, F-16 instructor pilot and weapons school graduate with over 3,000 hours in the F-16, served in combat twice with over 200 combat hours in Iraq and Afghanistan. Husband and father of four amazing kids, and his kids are super active in sports and church. His wife's name is Christina, his kids are Chance, who's 15, AJ's 13, Maddie, who's 11, and Taylor, who's eight. And you know, this um I I just I I I'm really gracious for Frank coming on the show because this was a really good conversation. Uh something that I probably needed to hear too. You know, I think just there's certain people when you sit in their presence and they're just doing it right, you know, like they're just doing life right. And he he um a handful of times within the show admits, you know, hey, I'm learning I'm learning from my failures. I learned from making mistakes as a man, I learned from doing things the wrong way as a parent, you know. And I I have so much respect for men and women who can admit that they have done wrong, that they have caused harm, that they have slipped up, right? And he talks about, you know, he he talked about this kind of when the show ended, and I wish I would have kept recording, and I want to throw this out and give him another nod, is he talks about how important it is as a parent to apologize to your children when you make a mistake or when you're wrong. You know, he he brought up this sort of scenario where he was like, you know, he'll go up to his sons or his other, you know, I'm I'm sorry, you know, what I said was wrong, or what whatever, you know, whatever it is, right? And I think that accountability, if you can have that with your kids, I mean you can pretty much have that with anyone, right? Because most of the time we are raised to thought to think that as parents or as adults we should sort of be the wise ones and we should know, we should be giving advice. And that that's a portion of the role for sure. But I think another part of that, and one that's often gets overlooked, is our ability to show our kids and kids around us and younger people humility, restraint, um, apologies, ownership, accountability, these things that so often than not we sort of come from this hierarchical spot of like we know it all. And I have so much more respect. I remember when I was younger, I had so much more respect for adults that were like real, right? That were um that would tell me, hey, you know, I'm sorry I said that, or I messed up, or I was wrong, you know. And then I could and then also even more respect when their behaviors actually change, when they actually like it wasn't just accountability, but it was action that followed. And that's a huge part of his story and what he's talking about too, and how he raises his his kids. And um, I just want to tip my hat to him to him because you know he talks a lot about like as men so often like we're chasing this thing, right? Whether it's flying F16, F-16s, or being a pro athlete, or making a bunch of money or starting businesses, or going to medical school, or whatever, right? And this applies to all genders. I'm just focusing on masculinity and men because this is what we really focus on in this conversation. But please, if you're uh woman, listen to this talk, I think you're really gonna enjoy it. Um, we're constantly pursuing this thing, right? Pursuing greatness, pursuing um achievement. But the one thing that you know he shares that he's most proud about is the family he's built with his wife. And I have to say that that is the one thing that so many of us, I think, are overlooking in the modern day, right? Um because deep down, I think at our core, most people and most men want to create safety, even if they didn't grow up around it. They want to create safety within themselves. They have to first start first creating safety within themselves, creating honor and accountability within themselves, but then they want to create safety and love and support in a home. And I mean like a metaphorical home doesn't be a physical home, but with people, with a partner, with children, if that's what you desire. And within that safety, they also want to feel safe and supported in return. Um and I think this this conversation sort of I don't know, embodies that, you know. Um because you know, for all this this gentleman's achievements, you know, the one thing he's the most proud of and he speaks about throughout the entire show is his family, his kids, his partnership with his wife, you know, um and that's that's just a beautiful thing. So I want to say thank you slap for coming on the show. Uh it's an honor to be able to share some time with you and to call you a friend. Um, I can't wait to see your kiddos play some sports in real time. And um, yeah, without further ado, here's the show. Thanks again

Meeting Slap And Why He Matters

SPEAKER_03 8:35

for rescheduling so much, man. I appreciate it. I know it's been a struggle. I've been trying to get back on the horse recording, and it's just been taking me a lot longer than I than I anticipated.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

Yeah, no need to apologize. I know you have a lot going on, and you know, especially last life events. And I want to express my condolences again. I know that uh it's been a little tough here lately, but uh my heart goes out to you for sure.

SPEAKER_03 8:57

Appreciate it, appreciate it, brother. Yeah, I know it means a lot. Uh um, you know, she was an awesome dog and was with me since I was 23, you know, so basically raised me for most of my life. And um, it's interesting, wasn't wasn't expecting on losing her uh at 12, but you know, I'm I'm really I feel grateful that I was able to have her that long too. So I appreciate you.

unknown 9:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:17

Dude, so let's let's get into it because I um I think we want to talk about an hour today. And you know, I know like I guess I first want to let the audience know. Um, I mean, I want you to introduce yourself, talk a little bit about your military background, and and talk about, you know, I want to get into a handful of things today, but I want to let the audience know like how I first met you, right? Which is basically I got connected with you because I was trying to go to the 162nd to fly F-16s and to get my pilot license through there. I've always wanted to kind of serve through either the Air Guard or the National Guard and uh got put in touch with you. Um, and you were just you know so welcoming, so open, obviously, like very, very receptive. And not everyone's like that, you know. So, first of all, I want to appreciate you in that way. Um, and then we built you know a little bit of a friendship over just exchanging messages, and I've been able to like view you and like uh it's it's kind of like serendipitous we're having this episode recorded on Father's Day because I want to ask you about fatherhood, you know, because you're you're super involved in your kids' lives, and that's a huge, uh just amazing part of you, I think. Um so, first of all, thank you for coming on the show, and then maybe just give us a little bit of introduction on who you are, your background, sure, you know, and then maybe how we end up.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

Yeah, absolutely. Uh so my name is Frank Lusher. Um, I flew F-16s for the Air Force for uh 23 years. Uh, I got to serve, which is amazing. My call sign, I go by slap. Um, it was awesome. I got to do about 11 and a half years on active duty and about 12-ish uh in the Arizona Air National Guard full time. Uh, did that because I have four kids and I'm married to a wonderful wife. And, you know, family's super important to me in that. Um, I can go on and on about you know my military career. It was amazing. It it, you know, I always tell people that my career itself, I was blessed with just good luck and fortune. And I was at the right place at the right time for a lot of the things that I was able to do. And it got me connected with some amazing people. I got to experience some amazing things and obviously kind of kind of built me into the person that I am today. But um besides that, you know, my my biggest thing that I need everybody to know is like my family is my my number one. I mean, they're they're my rock, they're awesome. I've like I said, my wife is just an amazing partner, and then my kids are just something special. They're growing up to be just some amazing human beings. That makes me super proud and kind of just who they are. They're good people, and I and I love that about them.

SPEAKER_03 11:38

I think that's one of like the I don't know, most uh prideful things to say. I feel like as a father or like a partner is that you're like proud of your family and like what you've raised, you know, with your with your life. Like you said,

Choosing Family Over The Jet

SPEAKER_03 11:49

I feel like so many men these days are struggling finding meaning and finding purpose, you know, and it seems like you're so rooted in you know, like your family and taking care of that. Can you speak a little bit more on that, on how like how maybe maybe the transition from from coming out of the you know flying, right? And actually not now just training and how that how that impacted your decision, right, to leave and to focus on your family and you're super involved in your southern sports. Right.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

Um so it one of my biggest philosophies in life, uh, and my wife can attest to this, is that you know, if I make a decision and I make it for my family, it's it's never turned out wrong. And I could have stayed in the military for a lot longer. I absolutely loved what I did. I loved leading people, I loved flying, I love the mission. Um, I love serving the country. That's just something that was you know deeply rooted in who I am and who, you know, what I believe. But there came an opportunity a couple of years ago in a job that just kind of worked even better for the family. And it it was one of those things where my wife and I sit down, we we kind of have these conversations, which we make it pretty easy. We just get out a pad and paper, uh, we get a glass of wine, and we kind of just list pros and cons. And and you know, we'll stay up till however long it needs to be to make kind of a joint decision. And this one was actually one of those that it didn't take that long. It was a no-brainer and it just worked for the family. It just made things easier. Um, so the transition, because it was a family decision, I don't think, you know, I don't think it was very difficult for me. Um it's not something that I don't miss what I did do. You know, flying is it was just a huge part of my life, but it's one of those things that, you know, when I look back at it, it was a chapter. And my what's my real role in life is my kids and my family, and and knowing that just made that transition so much easier. And I, you know, I haven't looked back. You know, I I see, you know, I'm very fortunate that I get to work at the same base that, you know, I retired out of, and I see jets flying every single day. And I get kids, students, other instructors asking me if I miss it. And, you know, and I'm honest with them when I say I don't, and it's not that I, you know, and I don't want to sound, you know, just make it sound very, you know, I don't want to diminish what I did. It's just that that chapter's closed, and I'm really okay with that. And I'm I'm really excited about this next chapter and what I'm able to do with the family now, which is more time with them, which is just kind of, you know, be there for all the events, events that I would be missing had I not retired from the Air Force, you know.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

Absolutely. I think that's a really hard thing for people that don't have, you know, that kind of job where they can step away and retire and still be young and be able to be active with their kids, right?

unknown 14:20

So it's like a blessing in disguise because you get to be super involved, you know, in their lives now.

SPEAKER_03 14:24

I'm sure that like what you gain from that is probably what is allowing you to say, I don't miss flying jets right now because you get you know all this quality time with your kids and people you love, right? Uh

Supportive Sports Parenting Without Pressure

SPEAKER_03 14:36

I want to like stay on the note of fatherhood because one thing I admire when I see how active and involved you are, you know, because I see your son, your sons' lives, and they're both you know high-level athletes. And you're, I mean, everything you post is just about what they're doing in sport, which is awesome, right? You're super supportive. And I think a lot of dads fall in this realm where they like put a lot of pressure on their sons, right? And particularly dads that are like you know, high-level success, doing something athletically, right? Such as being a fighter pilot for the Air Force. Like, how do you how do you balance that with your sons on like how you speak to them, the mentality you bring to them, on keeping it fun, but obviously instilling a sense of um like competitiveness and like you know, resiliency, but but not to the point of like, you know, so many of these young kids now they're like self-sabotaging because there's so much pressure, you know, because it like there's you know what I mean? Because there's so many athletes now. It's like how much how much club are you playing, like how good are you? Were you getting recruited at this age? Like, how do you balance that as a dad? Like, how do you come into that mindset and be supportive like coach, but also still be like a father where they feel supportive no matter what they you know produce?

SPEAKER_01 15:38

Well, I'll start off as saying, you know, with all the four kids with my daughter, I leave that to my wife because I don't know anything about gymnastics. I'm just the you know, I'll wear my bedazzled Taylor t-shirt and I'll be super supportive. And everything that she does to me is a perfect 10. So I can't really talk to that um aspect. But I think one of the cool things is that all three of my boys, they do three different sports and they're really good at those sports. So, you know, it and each of those sports is so unique that I have to kind of tackle it um in a different way with each one of them. Um, I kind of take my experiences in the military and what people did because I'll tell you right now, and I'll tell the audience that when I first uh graduated from F-16 training at Luke and I went to Spangdalam, I went to combat as a hundred-hour wingman, and I did about every dumb thing I possibly could have done. Um, but I had some amazing instructors and mentors that didn't just berate me for making mistakes. They just asked me, what did I learn? How can I grow? How can I get better? And, you know, that foundation, I think, just spearheaded or launched me into the successful career that I had. So I kind of take that approach uh into it. One thing I do say is that for my kids, you know, people ask us, why are we so involved in sports? You know, don't the kids want to do something else? And I'm here to tell you, I just say yes. I don't make them do anything. I I don't force them to. I just try to create as many opportunities for them if they enjoy it. I always tell the kids they owe me only two things in life, and one that's good grades and effort. And if you give me those, you're gonna have mine and your mother's backing 100% of the time. Um, you know, the balancing of how to put the right amount of pressure in a positive way and not detract from the sports, it's you know, it's a challenge. And I'll tell you right now, there are, you know, you can go to Barnes and Noble right now and get a book on dad failures, and I've made them all, okay, and I've checked every single box. So I had to learn and grow from that as well. But I think, you know, each kid is so unique. But what I have come uh to kind of just figure out over the years is that they put more pressure on themselves than you as a parent or a coach could ever put on them. Um, if you sit there and tell your kid, hey, you just struck out, they know they did. Uh, they already feel bad about it, and that's not what they need in that moment. My son lacrosse, you know, why are you losing face-offs? It's not the right thing. Um, I'll give you an example. Um, I think just kind of a positive kind of uh reassurance to your dad, right? You're supposed to be safe, you're supposed to be protective. If you come at it with that, I don't think you can go wrong. We were in the playoffs uh for Arizona Youth lacrosse this last year, and um my son is one of the best face-off kids for his age group in the state. But he just was having a hard time against a kid. He won the first four and lost three in a row. He's running off the field and just says, I can't. So I just kind of put him aside from his teammates and I said, hey, first and foremost, we don't say I can't. Let's think about it, let's adjust. How do we get better? How do we figure something out? How do we change our game plan? But I need you to sit there and believe in yourself because I believe in you, but I can't believe in you because you're on the field by yourself. Lo and behold, we had a longer talk than that, but the gist of it was that kind of mentality. And he went out there and won the next five in a row. I mean, so I I think my message is is you know, make sure they give effort is one thing I say. And I'm gonna give my kids these opportunities. But if if you know, we just got back from an amazing baseball camp with AJ at the Air Force Academy, if he went out there and just kind of walked around the field and was, you know, just kind of goofing off, then what was the point of even going? So as long as they give me that effort, my there is really no pressure I put on them. I just give them a lot of encouragement. And,

Creating A Safe Space After Games

SPEAKER_01 19:21

you know, I I think for if if if I can share one thing that I learned over the years that a dad taught me, which was probably a life-changing and pivotal moment, is at the end of a game, the kids are already replaying every mistake over in their head. They know the missed tackles in football, they know the face-offs they lost, the ground balls they didn't get. AJ knows the strikeouts or the flyballs he didn't catch. That's that's a given. You have one question as a dad to ask your child when you get back in the car. And it's hard to do because again, I've made the mistakes, but the only question you're allowed to ask them is where are we gonna go get food? You know, and if you do that, then you're back in that safe space. That, okay, dad's not judging me, dad's not ridiculing me, dad's not gonna come down on me. And I'm not saying I haven't done all those things. Again, I failed profusely, and I got to learn from all those mistakes I made, but those are some things I grew into. And now the kids will tell you, you know, the dad I am now versus the dad I maybe was six or seven years ago, is pretty much a different person for sure.

SPEAKER_03 20:22

That's that's really amazing you're even able to admit that. Because I feel like one thing that this society doesn't encourage enough is the ability as a man to admit you're wrong, you know, and to admit you you did something wrong. And I think like you, given who you are and everything you've done in life, your ability to say, hey, I'm I'm such a different father than when I was seven years ago, and I made these mistakes and I learned from them. I feel like that gives people permission to understand that that is that's not like a lack of masculinity to be able to do that. You know, it's fact it's the opposite. I think it is like having that strength, you know, to do that. Um, and it's nice because I feel like as me, I don't have kids yet. I've I'd love to have that blessing at some point in my life, you know. I've I feel like for the past six years I've been like mentally studying people that are fathers, you know, and then studying my childhood and trying to understand like, you know, what kind of energy, what kind of um like love do I want to be able to give my kids so that way they feel, you know, uh this like like unprecedented, but also like there's no there's no qualifications in order to be loved. You know, you don't have to perform this way, you don't have to do this. And I like your requirements of like, you know, good grades and put in effort. You know, I like I like those those two things because those are something that can apply no matter what you're doing in your life, right? I mean, those are things you're gonna give back to you tenfold. Um, I would even add, like, and you probably would echo this, like how you treat others too, because that's gonna directly mirror how you treat yourself, right? And that's probably a big part of your faith, too. Um, you know, because I see I see a lot of good athletes out there that are young and they're you know acting kind of like certain pros they see on TV, which is another thing is interesting because like, you know, when I was younger, I remember um, you know, people in my family telling me, you know, to look up. Certain athletes that are humble, you know, humility is a huge thing. And I feel like every interaction I've had with you has just been humility. I mean, you've you've done a lot in your life, and flying judges now with Air Force is no easy task to get to that level. Um, and there hasn't been one conversation where I don't feel like you're just a normal human being that I'm talking to you having a conversation with, you know. When do you think that like your experience, you know, in active duty? And because the military is an interesting thing, right? Like so many people have different experiences, no matter what level they are, and are really, I feel like it's really indicative of the leadership that they face, right? And you're saying that's kind of your leaders were open to failure. They, you know, they encourage you to continue on. And many are not like that, right? Many are different because we're all humans, right? We all lead in different ways. Do you feel like that leadership sort of sets you up to get to this point in terms of parenthood?

SPEAKER_01 22:50

Without a doubt. I, you know, one of the cool things about the fighter community is that we debrief every sortie. And when we go to that room and we debrief, we're not going to go find all the mistakes to tear somebody down. We're going to find the mistakes so that we can recognize what they are and find a way to not make them in the future. And, you know, it's one of those things. So from early on, accepting my failures and accepting mistakes and just moving on has just been kind of, it's, you know, been ingrained in me as one of those things that that's how it makes you a better pilot in the future. And it did, it worked out really well. So I think that kind of concept um I've applied to fatherhood in the sense where I'll tell my kids, you know, this every day, you know, and one of my favorite things I do, you know, as far as like my baseball team, they're a bunch of 13-year-old kids and they put some undue pressure on themselves a lot. But, you know, before or after a game, I'll ask them, like, you know, you know, what are we guaranteed? Are you guaranteed to make a mistake today? And some kids are like, I don't know. And I just I'm like, raise your hand, guys, and let me ask you a question. Why are you gonna make that mistake? And then they start giving me all these, you know, analytical answers. Well, because I'm not gonna have my eye on the ball or I'm not gonna have a good read step. I'm like, no, it's because you're 13. And it's okay. You're allowed to make mistakes because you're 13 years old. Um, and I, you know, I tell my boys those things all the time. It's not how you fail, it's how you recover from that failure. And that's that fighter and pallet mentality. We're gonna fail. That's just given, right? Um, every single day I fail my wife, I fail my kids, I fail my coworkers, you know, I fail my religion, I fail everybody. But do I sit there and dwell in it or I learn from those mistakes so that tomorrow I don't make them? And I'm just trying to, you know, being open with my kids about that, I think allows them the freedom to make mistakes and realize that, hey, it's gonna be okay as long as I figure out what that mistake was and kind of grow from it, nobody's gonna get really mad at me, you know? And and I think that that's it's one of those things that allows my kids to feel a little bit safe in that sense of, you know, a little bit less pressure from dad to perform. Um, and you know, I think it's working out. I mean, the kids are, like I said, I think my favorite part, they're great people. Um, and but they're really good at what they do. And and a lot of that is their ability to now, you know, kind of work through those failures and come out on the other side stronger. It's pretty cool.

Raising Kids Around Phones And Comparison

SPEAKER_03 25:17

Absolutely. And the the follow-up question, that, and this is I always ask like parents about this, especially in today's world, right? Like, you can do so much for your kids in your and your home, right? In your own little like nucleus and pocket with your partner and your wife. And then it goes off the world, and there's there's so many different like polarities out there now, right? And different things, like, especially with social media and technology. Like, how do you go about, especially as like a team, right, with your wife? How do you go about having those discussions and like speaking to your kids about like what they do when your parents are not there, you know, in terms of like what they're exposed to, you know, because it's wild, because when you and she's grown up, like I didn't get a smartphone until I was in college, you know, so I didn't have like consistent comparison, validation, all these different things. I wasn't looking at like every baseball player in the country comparing myself.

unknown 26:03

I was just me.

SPEAKER_03 26:04

I was just going out and playing, competing. I put a ton of pressure on myself, but like I imagine if I had all these YouTube videos and I was just looking at people, I was like, I'll never be good enough, you know? How do you guys go about that?

SPEAKER_01 26:13

Well, I'd be lying if if it's not something that you know didn't keep us up at night, not something that we're worried about. Um and and bottom line, I think it's just we do the best we can. What we, you know, sometimes my boys will eye roll and say, just not another lesson from dad, but I just try to impart lessons and give them just advice as we go. Um, my wife, you know, I do the same for my daughter, but in a in a different manner. I think my wife does more of the female mentoring, obviously with her. Um but I think we're we must be doing something, right? Because we get a lot of comments and a lot of feedback that, you know, we have really polite kids when they leave the house. And that that makes me more happy. And I don't mind if the kids are, you know, exploring their emotional selves in the house and we get to see a little bit of the dirty, ugly side of them. That's them growing, right? That's them maturing, that's them developing. But I know when they leave the house, they do um take some of those lessons that we have and are just very respectful kids. I love seeing my kids open doors for people. They say please and thank you. Just it's a thing. And they they enjoy being polite. Um, I think it comes to for us, you know, and I ask my son this. We had we had a nice 13-hour drive from Colorado Springs yesterday. So we had a lot of time to talk, which is a lot of fun. Um, but you know, I always ask him, like, what sets us apart? Um, and he'll tell you, we're affectionate. We we say the words I love you all the time. And it it's not once a day. I mean, it's dozens, hundreds of times. We give hugs. Um, you know, we I don't know how to really put that all into words, but I think, again, just constantly asking and communicating. I mean, the lines of communication are open. There's two things that are happening in our house constantly. There's music on and there's there's there's conversations being had. We, you know, somebody, I've got an almost 15-year-old, and his favorite place to be is try to hide in his room on some kind of device. But we don't let him. We drag him out, we make him come down, and you know, and I know that right now it's we're the annoying parents, but hopefully he's gonna be appreciative of that. So I I don't have an answer. I don't have a blueprint that that works for everybody. I'm trying for us. It's a lot of communication, it's a lot of openness, it's a lot of asking questions. You know, kids don't know how to communicate with adults very well. And, you know, I always ask them poignant questions. I'm like, you know, on the drive home, what's your favorite thing about you? What's something about you that you'd, you know, would you like to fix or like to change? What's something you like about me? What's something you don't like about me? I just have those conversations. And sometimes, you know, it's a it's a pill that I have to swallow when my kids are open with me. Uh, dad, I don't like this about you. I'm like, okay, well then I can, again, it's a failure. I can grow, I can learn, I can be a better dad. Um, I think that's it. And my wife is the same way. I mean, we talk, and you know, and I think I'm gonna give her a little bit of credit on this. She is huge, I think most like most wives on communication. Uh, and she's taught me that uh quite a bit in this this relationship that we have in this family that we're growing. Because, you know, at first I'm a typical guy, right? I would just sit there, keep my mouth shut. I don't need to communicate with you. But I think because of her and her desire to communicate, um, I think that's just how she's kind of shaped this family. And I've kind of dove right in and it's working. So I I think that answers your question. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 29:28

Uh it does. And I appreciate you not saying that there's one size fits all because there's I was just curious on how you guys work together. And it seems like, I mean, for the most part, you guys are a really good team, you know, and like when you slip up, you you admit to the faults and you try to just be better better parents every day with your kids, you know, which I think is what everyone hopefully you know aspires to

Marriage, Distance, And Building A Team

SPEAKER_03 29:49

do. I have a question about uh your wife. Did you guys uh did you guys get together before you went to active duty? And and how is that? Because that's that's a tough thing, right? Being being full-time in the military traveling model. Like, how did that work out?

SPEAKER_01 30:02

We met while I was kids. We met while I was in uh I was stationed in Utah, and it was wild because we had just started dating and then I got shipped off to Korea for a year and a half. Um, so uh it was a pretty big test. And I'm gonna sit there and I'll tell you that I love that my wife is stubborn. Sometimes I'll tell you and I'll tell her, and maybe I don't appreciate it as much all the time. But uh in this sense, I was super, I'm super happy, obviously, fortunate that that she's stubborn because you know there was no way that this relationship wasn't gonna happen. And that was all her. Um, you know, so we kind of weathered that storm and then we took a big leap of faith of she decided to move down here. We weren't married. She just said, I'm gonna follow you down to Tucson, and we just jumped right in and then started building a family, and the rest, I guess you can say, is history. So um, she was a huge part of my decision to leave active duty. Um she is, you know, she's always wanted a family as well. We both come from big families, so that's just something that we have in common. And because, you know, it just it was that leap of faith, again, a family kind of decision. I could see this happening. I was like, this has to make sense. It it she wouldn't have been in my life if, you know, God wouldn't have put her in my life if this wasn't the right way to go. And, you know, it I I think that's just, you know, we didn't really we kind of alleviated the the trials of active duty by joining a guard unit full-time so that we could raise a family because that was the ultimate goal.

SPEAKER_03 31:25

I think that's the benefit of the guard, is you can live where you want to live and you're not gonna get told to move all the time, right? And still have a lot of the benefits and still be able to fly, which is awesome. Um so you were active for 11 years, about 11, a little over 11 years, correct. Yeah. Where did that take you? Like what was like your your life space or trouble?

From Germany To Weapons School

SPEAKER_01 31:44

So when I graduated from uh Luke in Phoenix, um I my first duty assignment was Spangdalum in Germany. So that was pretty cool. Uh got to go overseas. Uh I think I was really fortunate. Again, I kind of mentioned that at the beginning of the podcast that you know fortune and luck and timing have have really kind of uh kind of followed my career and kind of been what's guided my career. And I'll tell you, I got to Spangdalum and right then um I showed up and about a month later my squadron deploys uh and goes down to uh the Middle East for operation in preparation for our Operation Iraqi Freedom. And I'm this guy that I've you know, I don't even have a hundred hours in the chat. I'm trying to get through. We have this initial training when you get to your first duty station, which is called uh MQT or mission qualification training. It's an abbreviated B course uh or the basic course at Luke's takes about 10 to 12 rides to get through. And I'm in the middle of that, and all of a sudden, poof, my my squadron disappears. They give me to the the sister squadron on base, tell them to finish up, and then no kidding, the next day after I um I got my certification as a combat mission-ready wingman, uh, I'm in the back of a C-17 flying to Qatar. And about you know, 10 days after that, now our operation Iraqi freedom starts, and I'm a hundred-hour wingman flying on day night one. So that night of Shakana, I'm airborne doing about the dumbest things uh a person in a jet could possibly do because I have no idea what I'm doing. Uh I did that assignment um from um Spangdalam. I got to go to uh Koonsan in Korea, and that was an amazing opportunity um to go overseas again. Um, I became an instructor pilot in Korea and I started putting my applications in for weapon school. Weapon school or fighter weapons course is kind of our version of Top Gun. It's instead of being six weeks long, it's six months long. So, you know, we've got to make it a little bit more difficult in the Air Force. Um, it took me a couple of tries to get uh accepted. It didn't actually happen until I PCS' or moved again to Hill Air Force Base in Utah. And I found out from Utah that I was gonna go to weapon school, got to go to six months of weapon school, graduate from there, and then the minute I came back, now my squadron becomes the first squadrons uh of F-16s in Afghanistan. So uh about 2009, we're F-16s in Afghanistan, starting that whole process from the ground up. Uh, and so that was a really rewarding assignment. And then, like I said, after that assignment, I went back to Korea for a year and a half. Um, spent a lot of my time overseas. I think that's really fortunate. And that's something I would I always advise the young guys. If you can go overseas until you're ready to start a family, that's just an opportunity that you'll never you'll never regret. So and that's kind of where my path took me. Um, got to go to combat a couple of times, got to go to a lot of really neat countries, um, a lot of cool exercises, a lot of great people. Uh, and it was just a lot of fun. But again, that decision was made. It's time to start a family, let's settle down. And, you know, this unit was I had no idea I was gonna come to Arizona. They I had a buddy who was flying for uh the Air National Guard here, and he just reached out to me. I was actually adamantly against it. Uh, my career was doing really well, and I wanted to stay in on active duty. Um, and all I heard from him, he just mentioned he's that's great. I'm glad you're against it. Pick me up from the airport tomorrow at 8 a.m., which I did. Uh and it took us about 24 hours of just talking until I was convinced that this was the right job and this is what we ended up needing to do. And it was it's worked out beautifully.

SPEAKER_03 35:15

That's amazing. It it sounds like there's always been a lot of intent behind the decisions you're making, which I have to appreciate because I feel like that's the case with me, but that's not the case with any everybody, especially when you're younger, because you got in when you were 18, like 20 hours.

SPEAKER_01 35:28

I went to the Air Force Academy at 18 and then I graduated from there about 21. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:32

21. Yeah. So you were so when you actually got sent when you were like were a hundred-hour pilot, were you like 22?

SPEAKER_01 35:38

Uh let's see, I was I was 24 years old and a hundred-hour women in combat.

SPEAKER_03 35:44

So

First Combat Lessons And Mentorship

SPEAKER_03 35:45

24 years old, you're getting flown into a war zone, right? Like how, and and this is a while ago, but like I'm I'm curious, like meant mentally and emotionally, like, how do you I know they put you through a ton of training, right? But like what's going through your mind? What are you feeling? Yeah, you know, like like you know what I mean? That's just like a crazy thing to be thrown into at that age.

SPEAKER_01 36:06

It is, and and you know, one of the four things I remember so many of those uh instances in combat, and I like sharing them with the young kids because I share even with the students that I've been teaching, I've I've been an instructor since 2005, that I I tell them that you cannot make a failure or make a mistake in the F-16 that I haven't already made. So go make them all. I've already done it. I'll I'll tell you how I learned from it, and maybe we'll figure out how you can learn from it. Um I think what's the easiest or best way to explain this? I think going into combat and being that young and that inexperience, I think just being naive and dumb made it just a great experience. Uh I remember the very first night um I got shot at, and and this is gonna be mildly embarrassing, but again, I don't mind admitting my failures is I'm I'm flying in combat, I see something flash under my night vision goggles, and I look over and uh and I see what at first I perceived to be I'm like, man, they're launching a satellite into space. I mean, that's pretty aggressive. That in the middle of combat, they're launching a satellite into space. I I get maybe, but the really cool part about it is I get a front row seat to see this. I mean, who gets it? I'm like, yeah, I gotta go to Cape Canaveral to see this. So I'm sitting there staring and watching of what I thought was a satellite being launched. Little did I know that it was a surface air missile aimed at my aircraft. And only through the grace of God did I get to read the rivets as it passed by my jet. Didn't maneuver, didn't do anything. And I told my flight lead, uh, hey, one, this is two. I think they're shooting us. He says, How do you know? I was like, Well, I, you know, it was a couple feet off of my canopy. I'm pretty sure it was meant for me. So again, just blissfully ignorant, young and naive. And I got through that. But um, you know, it I think I was too young to be scared, if that makes sense. I was too young to be nervous. Um, it was just fun. It was, you know, I felt really good about what I was doing for our country. And again, you know, when it comes to combat, everybody has their opinions and and and that's I I I I value them all. But for me, the way I always looked at whenever I went to combat is that I'm here to support the other Americans that are there. Um, you know, I'm not here to to kind of dovetail or go into any kind of political discussion on any of that things. I'm here to make sure other Americans get home alive. And if I can do that, I'm great. So I was felt really rewarded that the mission that we had, I was able to do that. Um, but I think I think just being more just dumb and naive made it a pretty positive experience. And again, great, great mentors. We were combat paired with a flight lead. And unfortunate for the guy that I got combat paired with, I got they what they would do is they would start on both ends of the goalposts, the most experienced, the least experienced. And so the guy with the most experienced, a 5,000-hour uh F-16 guy that had flown in um Desert Storm and now in Iraqi Freedom, he got tied to the hundred-hour uh, you know, wigman that had no clue what he was doing. And I that was just a blessing. And that that I could not have asked for a better role model, a better leader, a person that had so much and gave me so much grace as far as um messing up. And I mean, and this isn't a shooting war where I could, you know, I could kill him and I could cause us both to die. He still was very just humble about it and and and never got angry with me and always wanted me to take something positive and something that I could learn from every sortie. And I think that was that that was a a game changer for sure.

SPEAKER_03 39:38

Is

Leadership Cultures And Paying It Forward

SPEAKER_03 39:39

is are most people's experience at flying the level you did like that with leadership, would you say?

SPEAKER_01 39:47

Unfortunately, it's not, right? And like I've just been blessed. I I've been around some amazing people. Um, you know, I've been a great example. Um when I was at Hill, there's there were three F-16 squadrons at the time before they got F-35s, and each squadron had a different type of leadership culture in it. And of course, who was I? Lucky one with the amazing, an amazing commander, an amazing director of operations when I was the weapons officer. Um, where I had a buddy who was a weapons officer for another squadron, and his two-year uh assignment was absolutely miserable because he didn't have the support of the leadership or didn't have the quality of leaders that I was experiencing. Um so, no, uh, you know, and the only way that I can describe it is that, you know, we're all human. And, you know, uh in society, there are good people and there are bad people. There are positive people and there are negative people. There are people that are worried more about others and more worried about themselves. And you know, the military is just a microcosm of society. So you're gonna have, you know, a wide range of leaders, and you know, not all unfortunately are good. And hopefully somebody's not saying that about me and my career and my leadership when I was in charge of people. But um, I've been very blessed. Every assignment that I've ever been, I've had leaders that were intentional with me, uh, supportive of me, um, mentored me extremely well, and you know, just allowed me to continue to grow in the job. Whether I was a lieutenant colonel or a lieutenant, I've had that mentorship throughout. So again, super fortunate. I only wish everybody else had the amazing experience that I got to have based on the people that were taking care of me. Um, but I know that's not the case. And the only thing I could do when I was a commander was try to pay that, pay that back, pay that forward, take care of my people and be that positive role model that, you know, and all those positive traits that that kind of got me to where I was, I wanted to kind of make sure I was taking care of the people that were working for me.

SPEAKER_03 41:46

That's an amazing perspective. Um, I'm curious, like, you know, with your son being super interested and kind of following your footsteps, uh, not only with sports, but also also with flying, like what are the conversations you're having with him about preparing him for like the differences in leadership? Obviously, he's like he's some years away from it. But you know, with you speaking to his like you kind of lucked out, right? You kind of hit the lottery in terms of the leadership you had. And that like make or breaks, makes or breaks some people's experience in the military, particularly with flying, right? Like, what are some of the conversations you're having with him? Because he, you know, if he gets lucky, that'd be amazing, but he might not, right? He might get leadership that he might not want to emulate.

SPEAKER_01 42:24

No, that's a great question. Um,

Preparing A Kid For Bad Leaders

SPEAKER_01 42:26

and luckily for my son, who my baseball player's son, he's 13, AJ. And I think in his young life, he's already got to experience some of those challenges. He's been on multiple travel teams. And, you know, something that I don't know if everybody knows, but man, every every sports program you're with is also not built the same way. You have coaches that are in it for a paycheck, you have coaches that are in it for favorites, you have coaches that don't want to, you know, they don't believe in your kid, and maybe they have a very negative or caustic approach to it. Um, and so he's been, I don't want to say fortunate, but it's something that we've grown through, but he's experienced some of that already, where we were on a team where it was a lot of negativity and there was a lot of, I mean, it, it, it really tore AJ down to where now the team that he's on uh is a super positive team and it's building it back up. And it's one of those things where we kind of navigate it and talk through it all. I mean it's one of those things I could have said nothing. I could have just been, you know, I could have said the same thing. I'm angry at the coach, the coach is wrong, you're right, but that's not gonna help AJ grow. So what we ended up doing on that experience is like, okay, well, is there anything positive from that team that you can take? And of course, guess what? If you actually have a conversation, there are still positive attributes from that team. Cool. What didn't you like? Okay, how about how about this? Well, the way the coach interacted you, what didn't you like about it? Okay, cool. What did you like the way that he did? Awesome. So guess what? Now you already can kind of know what works for you. What doesn't work for you. And that's just one of those things. Now he has that experience and he knows what doesn't work for a kid his age. And he can kind of process it and work through it now. So he's had those situations already, which is good because, you know, I spending a week with four kids and uh with my wife, we don't ever really get a chance to go one-on-one somewhere for a week. But I got to have those conversations like you asked about the Air Force Academy and share some of my stories and some of the good, some of the bad. Um and, you know, I could kind of tie that to some of his experience that he's had in his young age already of like, hey, you know, you know, one of the some of my favorite sayings, and you know, they call them dadisms, they'll roll their eye. But you know, hard times don't last, hard people, uh, hard people do, you know, um, or tough times don't last, tough people do, however the way you want to say it. And they kind of get it. And like, no matter what situation you're in, AJ, you know, it will come to pass. And all you have to do is just believe in yourself and kind of weather the storm, and you're gonna come out stronger and better on the other side. And because of the communication, I've told him, like, you know, the Air Force Academy when you go to the campus, I don't know if you've ever been, but it's absolutely beautiful. Um, and you can get caught up into how just amazing it looks and the feeling you have, but it's, you know, it's there's there's some gritty moments there as well. And I had to make sure he understood that that while this is great, you're playing, you know, if if somehow you get lucky enough to play D1 baseball at the academy or even just go to the academy, you know, there they're gonna be tough nights there. There's gonna be tough days there. It's not all gonna be easy, it's not all gonna be the brochure. Um but guess what? You're good that you're gonna get up, you're gonna go to bed. Whatever happens during that day, do your best. And guess what? It you're gonna make it through. Um, so we got to share a lot of those different conversations. AJ is one of my talkers, so it's really fun and easy to talk with him about those things. Um but I try my best to tie it into some of the experiences already had. And and, you know, I asked him on the drive back, what do you think? He's like, I'm even more passionate about going to the academy now. So I think his mind is made up. I I mean it can change. He's 13. Who knows if tomorrow he wakes up and he wants to go to Penn? I don't know. But hopefully uh he sticks with it.

SPEAKER_03 46:24

I I really like a lot of the things you're saying. And it's just um it's cool because I haven't spoken to so many dads. I I'm very grateful to have a lot of my close friends now, their fathers, and seeing them approach parenting and fatherhood in a very similar way. Um, but I think it's it's amazing that your sons feel comfortable enough to like open up and talk to you, be honest. Because you you mentioned like asking them, hey, what did you like about this coach or this leadership or this team? What didn't you like? I think a lot of young men don't get those opportunities to actually say those things. They're just expected to kind of like make like deal with it, you know. And I think being able to express, hey, how you're feeling, it really allows you to sort of build, like just not to use this overplayed word, but like a just a most more holistic perspective on the experience you're having and prepare you for the next one. It also allows you to appreciate when you do have a coach or a team that is positive, because you know, when I was like exceeding at baseball right around his same age, and Tucson, I don't know if this is a team there, but the Tucson Wildcats were like nationally like one of the best baseball club teams in the in the country. And um, that that was like the team that I got on right after I started really well in the little league and got on that team, and it it was immediately a different experience. Like my whole baseball career up until then was really fun. You know, I had someone's dad was the coach and you know he was volunteering, which is always fun and was competitive, but it was it was mostly fun, you know. And then I got the Wildcats and immediately it felt like a job. And I was 13, right? It felt like we're flying to Colorado, we're flying to Florida, we're flying to Utah for all these baseball tournaments. And our coach, you know, uh, he was a good dude, but he was this retired Marine and his vibes were way different, right? He would like cuss at us, yell at us, like he would say some really gnarly stuff that I would never say to my kids, right? And when you're that young, it just got normalized. I was just like, all right, this is how I'm gonna get treated for the rest of my baseball career, right? It got normalized. And then I would see coaches on the same level of us and do treat differently. I'm like, that's like it was just night and day difference, you know? And then that kind of followed me into high school. I had my first high school coach, was very similar to him, and then I transferred, and my second high school coach was more of like the energy you're talking about was just very much like like we will we will always make mistakes. It's how we how we get better every day. Like he treated the team like a family, you know, so there was like a brotherhood sort of instilled in all the players looking out for each other, which I really appreciated. You know, that usually gets associated with like football or like other sports, but in baseball, if the coach can instill that, it's like a really nice thing to feel like you have people you can rely on, you know. Um and if you have a bad game, someone's gonna pick you up, not put you down, right? Um, and that that leadership just it just made made or break like not only how I felt about myself, but like my willingness to want to um show up every day and get better, you know, because I I was being built up versus being like kind of put down, you know, which I think a lot of just men don't think about that when they're coaching, and maybe because they didn't they weren't able to you know experience that from somebody else. You know, not everyone is. I feel blessed to have men around my my life that have like shown me that, you know. Um, but I know you don't know what I'm talking about because there's like this polarity in sports, specifically we use sports as like a model for just real life. You know, you you can have these stark different people leading, and how that affects the players not only affects their productivity and their experience within the sport, but how they view themselves when they go home, how they view themselves when they go to school, you know, all those little things, those like ripples connect to how they just like perceive life based on what they're absorbing in those, you know, in those arenas.

SPEAKER_01 49:54

No,

Effort, Respect, And The Reset Button

SPEAKER_01 49:55

I mean 100%. I mean, it's it's not to say that, you know, what what I don't want to come across is that, you know this is all, you know, Jolly Ranchers, candy canes and and good times. I mean, that the level, like I said, the expectation we have is that effort. And, you know, my sons will tell you, my only times that I'm gonna get upset with them or I'm gonna pull them aside for a little bit of a dad talk is you know, uh, we had this a great example. We're a baseball tournament, two-day tournament, and you know, we take the entire family there for AJ, and then the second day, well, he's tired. So he doesn't, you know, he's a young kid. He's like, Oh, I just don't know if I have the effort. I'm like, we don't have that choice now. This is something you wanted to do. All I'm asking is give me the effort that you can. So we'd have a little talk about, you know, first couple of innings. He came out there, he was a zombie, which I understand. He's tired, he's growing. But if we're there, I don't care the results. You know, I never once they'll tell you, dad's not gonna yell at me for you know what I did or what I didn't do, but I'm definitely gonna get after you if we're going through the motions when we drug the whole family to support you. Um, so I mean, there's still some times where we have to do a little bit of guiding, a little bit of coaching, a little daddying, a little bit of uh of using a little bit of a stern dad voice to get a message across if need be, but it's mostly on the the the part of like respect and effort, you know. And luckily um for my kids, like I've never had to really come down on them as a respect piece. That's just they're they're very respectful kids. Uh they won't back talk an adult or uh a coach. You know, the answer is yes, coach, whether you agree with it or not. Just yes, coach, and then just go about and try to apply what your coach told you to do. But that effort piece, yeah, I gotta, you know, they're kids, and you know, I have to constantly motivate them at times to in one way or another, to just there's a contract, and that's like I said, grades and effort are the only things that I I really demand of you if if we're gonna do all these things. And but the rest of the part, like I said, I think I think there's two there's again, if you don't mind me going off a little bit of a tangent here, is that I think what I see a lot, and that you know, I've been involved with few sports now for a decade, is that sometimes I think parents are living vicariously through their kids a little bit. Um, you know, my missed opportunity is now your opportunity, and I want to see you succeed. And if you make a mistake, you know, that looks bad on me. And you know, I I'm not saying I didn't have to navigate all that. Every I'm a human, right? And of course I had to navigate those. I I think I've dismissed them a little bit quicker than some people do. But I I I think the big thing about that is just you know, the kids know they know they know when they're making a mistake, they know when they're doing great. Um the biggest thing I have is if they already know that they're doing great, you can only add to the how negative they feel about themselves if you come down hard on them. Um, you aren't gonna help them figure out how to get better. And trust me, I promise you that if you tell a kid to stop striking out, I can't believe you're striking out, you're not helping that situation. It's just gonna get worse. You're not helping them navigate it. We have a thing that my son and I do now, and again, this is something we evolved to. Please don't think that I figure this out overnight. But if I see him have a like, we're impacing for a tournament and he's a stud center fielder, he missed a flyball. Uh you know, just kind of like the conversation I had with Chance uh in lacrosse. I pull him aside, I'm like, um he's upset, he's visibly upset because there's an error and he doesn't like making mistakes. I'm like, okay, 99 times out of a hundred, what happens? Well, I catch it, cool. So why are we focused on the one? And then I I just tell him I need you to reset. And I just he knows what that means. He goes out of the dugout, he collects his own breath, and he comes back in and he's back to be the amazing teammate. And we're and that whatever that mistake is, that's gone. It is over. It doesn't matter. I'm not bringing it up again. Uh, if he wants to talk about it after the fact, he can bring it up. But I'm it's over, it's done with. And I think if we if people did that more, you know, I think um that whole aspect of not making it feel like a job, making it a place where you can make the mistakes and grow from it. I think you sports would would be so much better off than what it kind of is now.

SPEAKER_03 54:02

Yeah, it seems like there's a sense of mindfulness in there. I think that's a intangible. It's like teaching your kid how to self-regulate. Right. You know, like that's a big thing in sports because we see so much emotion, especially from pros on TV, and they're adults. And then when you're a kid, you have all these hormones, all these other things going on, you know, and then we forget that like there's still a kid that's playing a really high-level sport. And so to teach them how to self-regulate is a huge thing. Like, I no one really taught me that when I was younger. I was always a quiet kid, so I kind of like internalized everything. I didn't really start talking much until I was probably a senior in high school, to be honest. I had like I let my personality out a little bit more, probably through music and through just feeling more like of an artist outside of just being an athlete. But when I was an athlete, most of my like young, like adolescent, I was just really quiet. So like I think it seemed like I was self-regulating, but I was like super critical of myself, right? If I had to have a bad game, if I had to 0-3 or something, or if I didn't perform on how I thought I was expected to perform, I would like just tear myself to pieces, you know? And you know, I think it's super huge to be able to communicate that with your kids, you know, where they feel like they're gonna have those thoughts, like you said, anyways. And I appreciate you saying that because there's no way we can expect our kid not to like you know denigrate themselves on some level because there's pressure in everything we do that's of value, right? But to let them know that, like, hey, this is a normal part, this is a normal experience, you're not gonna perform like in baseball, it's a great example. If you hit the ball three out of ten times, you're pretty much a pro. I mean, that that's incredibly shitty numbers, right? Because if you land between three out of ten times, you're not gonna be trying to land the plane anymore. You know what I mean? So when I explain the baseball numbers, it's just like people are like when they think about it, like three out of ten times to make contact with the ball and get on base, you're hitting 300%, which is literally, I mean, most pros are gonna hit 300% nowadays, right? The average has gone down since Tony Wynn left the game. And um, it's just crazy to me because like if you think about that conceptually, it's nuts. Like you're you're a pro sport and you hit the ball three out of ten times, but that's just really how hard it is. You know, that's that just speaks to the difficulty of

Oops Then Move On

SPEAKER_03 56:02

doing that. And I think that's transferable to life, too.

SPEAKER_01 56:05

No, 100%. But yeah, don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the fact that you know, if Maddie in football misses a tackle, if AJ does strike out, and if chance loses a face-off, if they get a little mad, I need that's a little bit that you want that. That I'm not gonna take that away from it. Uh all I'm trying to teach them to do is to, you know, we have this saying in the in the F-16 uh is that you only have time to say oops in the fighter business. And if you make a mistake, you say oops, and then you move on. Because if you if you say more than that, you're thinking about it too long, and then you're gonna make another mistake and another mistake. So all I'm trying to get them to do is cool, I'm glad that you're passionate. I'm glad that you want to be, you know, you got that little perfectionist gene and you want to do really well and you have high standards for yourself. I'm not taking that away. But once you make that mistake, we've got to flush it and we've got to move on, and we've got to just kind of learn from it. That is it. If you sit there and, you know, trust me, in my career, I've had to learn this uh for my kids' sports. They've had to learn it on, you know, and they're still working through it. They're absolutely by no means a pro. They're kids and they're still, it's just, I'm just there to guide them again. It's like, dude, we're done with that mistake, move on. You're a great ex-player, whatever sport we're talking about. Uh and, you know, over time, I'm hopeful that that will register with the kids and that I can see it. And especially now, you know, Maddie is only uh 11, but with my 13 and almost 15-year-old, I can see them now get upset about a mistake, but flush it because they're getting they're they're more mature and they and they've heard that same message from me over and over and over again. And they just go out, and every, like I tell them, every at bat or every face-off is a brand new rep. It's zero, zero every time, no matter what you did in the past or what you're you know, what you're gonna do on the next one, doesn't matter what you're doing right now matters. Uh, I have this saying for my kids, I I always ask them, what are the two days on a calendar that you can do nothing about? Do you know what that have you heard that before? The two days on a calendar you can do nothing about yesterday and tomorrow. So I guess what? Those are the two days. So guess what? Why am I thinking about my mistakes from yesterday? And why am I worried about tomorrow when I'm I have this opportunity right here in front of me? So I teach it that way with face-offs, with tackles, with um with at bats. The last at bat means nothing to me, and my next at bat means nothing to me. This at bat's what I'm gonna focus on and do the best I possibly can. And that's it. I mean, I trust me, I'm very repetitive in what I say. Sometimes I don't think the kids are listening, but you know, eventually I hope it does kind of sink into their brain matter and they get it in. And they do. They I can see it with the older kids, like the dad lessons are coming out, but it I don't know. It's just for that, it's just uh it's a balance, right? I don't want to take away competitive spirit, but I also don't want them to be so hard on themselves that now they're they're kind of creating this self-fulfilling prophecy about I'm a terrible player, I'm never gonna be good. Because, like you said, it's baseball, especially, it's a failure sport. You're gonna fail more times than not, and you're still gonna be an amazing baseball player. And you know, I always commend guys that played baseball at a high level because to do that, it takes a very unique personality to make that happen. I was a football guy growing up. I stopped playing baseball early on uh just because I could not do like what AJ now can do at 13. Um, so I always commend that mentality of just understanding that I'm gonna fail and still be a good ball player with it.

SPEAKER_03 59:32

So I don't know if I'm answering questions today, if I'm just being very friendly, we gotta have you back on this. I wanted to really talk about parenthood with you. That was kind of my focus outside of flying, you know, um, just because that's the biggest part of your life, you know. But before

The Real Story Behind Slap

SPEAKER_03 59:47

I let you go, I want to ask you um, because everybody has a story about this, uh, how did you get your call sign? Like I know that's a very unique thing, right? For fighter pilots.

SPEAKER_01 59:56

It is. Um, so it goes back to um my initial combat experience in 2003. I was so new, I went to combat as we call them FNG. Um, you know, you can imagine new guy. Uh and so I was just an FNG on my on my name tag. That's what you get right when you're in fighter squadron before you actually get named. What we don't like to do is send a guy into combat without a name, because if something were to happen, you're like, all right, this dude died, right? And versus, you know, just toast, you know, so and so. Um, but again, there was no time. So I went into combat as a new guy. And that very first night getting shot at, I said nothing, right? And so while we're we're sitting on the deck outside of our kind of our deployed briefing area, my flight lead just asked me a question, it's like, hey, what did you learn from this? I'm like, well, I need to communicate with you if we're getting shot at. He's like, absolutely. So the very next flight, the very next night, um I was communicating about every single thing that was maybe airborne over Iraq, whether it was shooting at us or not. And I was really loud and obnoxious. Uh, probably the only way I can describe it to people, if you've watched Talladega Nights, I was, you know, Ricky Bobby and I was uh I was burning by the invisible flames and I was screaming to everybody so much that we were sharing one common frequency. And uh all I remember hearing in the debrief was like somebody just broadcast, can somebody shut that wingman up? Uh, because I was just barrage noise jamming everybody. And that just kind of I figured things out, but um so that aspect, and then um I originally I come from Kentucky originally, so you know the movie Deliverance um was very big in Kentucky. So when my combat flight lead started describing it on my naming night about all the stupid things I did, he wheeled out a TV, played a little significant scene from deliverance. It's remember the banjo playing and said squeal like a pig, boy, squeal like a pig. So my name is Squeals Like a Pig Slap because I squeal whenever I get shot at. So that's the the cliff of I also never guessed that, dude.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:10

That is so out here. That's so man, you I think everyone that tells me a story about their names, it's some random thing, and it it it never is what you think, like they tell me the name first, and it never is what how you think about how the name existed. You know, yeah, that's interesting, man. Well,

Final Thoughts On Family And Favor

SPEAKER_03 1:02:26

thank you so much, brother, for coming on the show, sharing some time with me. Um, I want to have you back on because we have so much you know more to talk about. But you know, again, I just want to reiterate I appreciate all the warmth and just you know positivity you've you've been in my life since I've met you. And um, you know, it's really it's really nice to watch you just be you know such an awesome parent from even through social media and hope to be able to see you again in person and maybe watch your kids and catch a couple names and see them do their thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:51

No, I appreciate the time. Um, thank you for letting me share. Uh it's taken, I just I want to just reiterate it's been it's taken a lot of favor to get me and my wife to where we are now. Nothing's ever perfect. Um, but it's one of those things that if you're kind of open and honest with yourself and life, I think you know it's super rewarding on the back end. And I'm super thankful you're allowed me to share a little bit about kind of what we do in our house and and brag a little bit a little bit about my kids. Um and my wife, I gotta again shout out to Christina. She's just absolutely amazing. The glue uh that kind of holds us all together. So um thanks for having me on. Uh, I really, really appreciate the time. And I look forward to the next time that we can actually sit down and chat in person.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:31

Absolutely. And the dog would be survived with the bandbody.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:46

So that they could see that it's not your sister. Everything you do in life is wrong, you follow your life.