Becoming Someone More: We Are More Than Our Sexual Addictions

This episode is not just a guide, it is an invitation to transformation, to becoming more like God in every aspect of your life.

Imagine giving up unwanted sexual behavior, not just in the sense of refraining from certain acts, but in the transformative way that helps you align closer with God's design for your sexuality.

This episode takes you on that enlightening journey, shedding light on how to not just become a non-entity, but how to recognize the goodness within yourself.

We discuss how our sexuality is a good gift to God, to others, and especially to our spouses and children.

We tackle the challenges of sexual sin and how the enemy exploits our vulnerabilities, prompting us to look beyond the act of leaving something behind and instead becoming someone fuller and more in tune with God's plan.

Venture with us as we discuss the concept of self-giving love and how it plays a crucial role in our journey to wholeness. We discuss how our bodies, eyes, and thoughts can be used to love others with self-giving love.

We call upon God to guide us to become more like Him in our everyday life, friendships, and relationships. 

Want us to talk about a specific topic? Change up the format, or just tell us the podcast rocks! We want your feedback on Becoming Whole. You can leave your feedback here

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Transcript

Josh Glaser: 0:03

Welcome to the Becoming a Whole podcast, where we help men, women and families learn and live God's good, holy and beautiful design for sexuality. I'm your host, josh Glazer, and we're glad you're here. You ready, let's dive in. Hey, good people, welcome back to Becoming a Whole podcast. Okay, so today we want to talk about quitting unwanted sexual behavior, but I want to talk about it from a different perspective because I think a lot of us, when we first start trying to quit our porn addiction or masturbation or lust or hooking up with somebody else, whatever it is, that's the category we're thinking in what I need to give up, what I need to stop doing all well and good. There's good reason to want to stop your unwanted sexual behavior. The things that we give ourselves over to, the things that we worship, we become enslaved to. If you're listening to this podcast, you likely know that feeling of being enslaved to your unwanted sexual behaviors. You want them and you don't want them. You want them because they feel so good in the moment, they seem to satisfy you in the moment. But they've taken a hold of you and you've crossed lines. You said you'd never cross. You drew lines and said I'll go this far but no further. And then you went further, and I say that because that's exactly what I did Way too many times. I said, you know what, five more minutes. And then I'm done. And then that five minutes came and I said, well, five more minutes, and five more minutes, and five more minutes. There were the types of pornography that I never wanted to see that I ended up seeing. There were things I saw and heard in my acting out that I wish I could unhear and unsee. That's the nature of sexual sin, and the enemy is all over that. Just as an aside, he's all over that. He loves it because he wants to lead you down a path, saying, hey, go through the stores glorious, isn't this beautiful, isn't it beautiful? And then there in the corner is something that you wish you could unsee. Or he leads you across a line and you wish you could undo what you did, and then you've gone that far and then he's got you. I mean, it's just he's, he's maniacal, he's despotic, he's terrible. Anyway, he's not the point of this podcast.

Josh Glaser: 2:16

So, but that's the first category. The first category is trying to give up something that is causing you shame, hurting you, hurting other people in your life, leaving things that you care about at risk your family, your kids, your wife, your, your husband, whomever and you want to stop doing those things because they're as destructive as they are to your to you. That's category one. But there's another category If we miss the second category of, of leaving unwanted sexual behaviors behind, we miss out on a whole glorious path and journey that is so important for becoming the kind of men and women that we want to become. And that second path, that second part of this journey, is not about leaving something behind. It's about becoming someone more, becoming who you are created to be. Now, some of you hear that and, without thinking about it, you actually translate that to mean this I'm going to become who I'm meant to be by quitting that stuff. That's only part of it.

Josh Glaser: 3:18

So one specific category that I think will help to illuminate this you are designed by God, you are uniquely designed by God to be a self-giving gift. What does that mean? It means that you your spirit, soul and body, your heart, your mind, your will, all that you are is designed to be a good gift to God and to other people. And if you're married specifically, then to God, to other people and most especially to your spouse and your children. You are designed to be a self-giving gift. Why? Because God is a self-giving gift. This is the nature, the character, the invisible nature of God that Paul writes about in Romans 1. I mean, at least this is part of his nature that he is self-giving. He is love, and love is self-giving. Lust says I want to take from you, even if it hurts you, for my selfish gratification. Love, in contrast, says I want to give myself for your sake, so that you can have life, so that you can be loved. That's love. So love includes sacrifice. Love includes laying down my rights and my life and my wishes for another person's good. Now, love doesn't include becoming a non-entity. So we're not talking about losing all sense of boundaries and losing all sense of yourself. That's not love. It's emotional dependency or relational idolatry or something else. But love understands the goodness of the self and offers the self as a good gift to others.

Josh Glaser: 5:03

I heard someone say years ago and I thought this made so much sense they said if you aspire to be a priest or to move into some type of vocational ministry, that requires singleness and you do so because you have out-of-control sexual behavior. That's not a good reason to do it? Because God wants you to give yourself as a good gift, not as a faulty gift. Now, granted, I'm not in any way saying that any of us ever reached a place of absolute perfection in this life, but we are meant to understand ourselves as God's creation, as good gifts. He made us, he made you to be a good gift, and so your sexuality is included in what he designed in you to be a good gift to others. Did you catch that? So if your whole view about getting rid of your sexual behavior is I want to get rid of this sin, then you're missing that. Actually, god designed your sexuality as a good thing and a good gift to others, specifically if you're married to a spouse and to children.

Josh Glaser: 6:11

But your sexuality is not just the sexual act. It's all that makes you a man, all that makes you a woman, and so your sexuality is actually designed to be a good gift to all the people in your life, in different ways depending on the relationship that you've got. So You're a man who has children. That means that you are created to be a father To those children. You're a woman who has children. You created to be a mother to those children. That's a part of your sexuality, doesn't mean you're being sexual with your children, but your femaleness is a part of what makes you sexual. That's your biological sex, and so your sexuality is designed to be a gift to your children, and you, as a woman, have things to give to your children that your husband doesn't. And you, as a husband, as a man, have things to give to your children that your wife doesn't. You're designed to be a good gift In the marriage bed. You are designed to be a good gift. So, rather than approaching your marriage bed, if you're married as someone who's seeking, you know, to have your own sexual needs or sexual desires met, not that's a terrible thing, because there is a reciprocity, there's a give and take. You're not the creator, you are a creation. So you're not, you don't have infinite giving that you can do. But your first priority should be to come to your marriage bed as one who gives yourself as a good gift to your spouse. Now, that's a different category for you to think about.

Josh Glaser: 7:34

Sexuality. Welcome to the fallen world. We do not think that way. In our fallen world, sexuality is all about the self receiving, the self taking, the self getting. That's what our culture looks at sexuality. For matter of fact, if you don't like what I want, Then that's your problem, not mine. I mean, we just we're bulldozing the true nature of love in our culture Because we're kind of saying, like, what love is is, you have to treat me a certain way, you have to respect who I am. You've got to do this for me. That's what love is and I'll do the same for you. That's not love.

Josh Glaser: 8:13

Love is self giving, to the point of we go back to the marriage vows here, the traditional marriage vows which, which are an image of love, which say For better, for worse, I give myself to you. So I'm not giving myself to you because it'll make life better for me. I give myself to you because, as a good gift, I see you as a good, as as good, and I want to make your life better. Great book about that kind of unpacks a lot of this stuff. Much greater than I'm doing, much better than I'm doing, is Edward Sree's book men, women in the mystery of love, and he's really unpacking the teachings of John Paul II. Before he was Pope John Paul II, he wrote a book called love and responsibility and and Sree here in this book is unpacking that and does a great job. It's a short little book, but listen, he says in self-giving love, men and women recognize in a profound way their life is not their own.

Josh Glaser: 9:05

They have surrendered their will to their beloved. What, let me read it again in self-giving love, men and women recognize in a profound way that their life is not their own. They have surrendered their will to their beloved. What if we live that way in the area of our sexuality? What if we surrendered our will to our beloved? And if you're single, your beloved is Christ. I mean, the beloved for all of us is Christ.

Josh Glaser: 9:41

But what if you surrendered your will to your beloved Christ, to your beloved Jesus? What if that's how you lived out your sexuality and you learned over time the virtue of chastity, which is what steers the ship of sexual love. What steers the ship of romantic love steers the ship of love. It's self mastery that is in place, so that all that I am can be directed towards loving with self. Giving love, that's what Jesus modeled for us and that is what you and I are created for. All right, so to sum up, we can try to get rid of our unwanted sexual behaviors, because they cause us and other people trouble. Yes, amen, do that.

Josh Glaser: 10:26

But also aspire to become a man or a woman who knows how to love, with a self giving love. And how I handle my body and how I handle my eyes, my thoughts, all that I am, is meant to be self giving gift for the love of another. Jesus, we are so far from this. Would you make us more like you In our everyday life, in our everyday friendships and relationships, and certainly, lord, in the area of our sexuality? Oh Lord, we pray it for our good and we pray for your glory, amen. Thanks for listening in. If you find the content of this podcast helpful, make sure to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. That helps other people find the show. And if you'd like to check out more resources to help you in your journey towards becoming more whole, go to RegenerationMinistriesorg. Again, I'm Josh Glazer and we'll see you next time. Down and out, down and out up about how we adore Jesus.