Animal Mating - Anti-Valentine Theme

Celebrate a happy Anti-Valentine's with this PG-13 episode all about how animals get it on! Quizmaster Tanner documented four facts about animal mating habits, but one of his facts is faking it. See if you get lucky guessing which one it is along with hosts Andi and Sups! 

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Transcript

Andi 0:01

Wait, wait, wait. What? so they have eggs and penises? Yes. The orgy part doesn't bother

Sups 0:08

me.

Andi 0:10

snake. It's the snake part

Tanner 0:13

and there's thousands of them in these

Andi 0:15

caves. Oh dear Lord. this is definitely anti Valentine's cuz this one is definitely like, this is getting me in the opposite of the mood.

Tanner 0:26

they're basically sexual parasites

Andi 0:28

So are humans Hello and welcome to this episode of the I Should Have Known podcast, the trivia podcast that can't be trusted. Each week, our Quizmaster presents you with four big facts on a topic, but one of those facts is a lie, and four the month of February it is probably my favorite theme of the whole year. we're calling it anti Valentine's this year. So it's, instead of the usual cupid hearts and flowers and romance and love, we are going to do related themes that are

Tanner 1:00

just

Andi 1:00

the opposite of that. And we have our quiz, Messer Tanner.

Tanner 1:04

Hello

Andi 1:05

And Tanner's topic just as a disclaimer. it will all be scientific, it's all biology, but is maybe not super appropriate for younger listeners. But if you are a listener with a childlike sense of humor, you will probably find a lot to your delight in this episode because he's going to be presenting us with four facts on animal mat. But remember one of his facts is not true. So join me, Andy, and our other soups as we try to figure out which one of his facts is a lie.

Tanner 1:38

so Animal sex All right. Let's start with the low hanging fruit.

Andi 1:43

Yes.

Tanner 1:44

in seahorses, do the males or females carry the eggs until they hatch

Sups 1:50

guessing

Tanner 1:50

It's the males. That's why it's a question

Andi 1:53

that's not an interesting fact. So they like incubate the

Tanner 1:56

That's right. She shoots them into his pouch

Andi 2:00

Oh, I love that.

Tanner 2:01

he carries around 1500 eggs until they hatch

Sups 2:04

Nice.

Andi 2:05

I wish I could do

Tanner 2:06

that. It's only a few weeks. It's not

Andi 2:07

be really convenient.

Tanner 2:09

Just shoot your babies. Yeah.

Sups 2:11

And what, does the female seahorse too, after it shoots?

Tanner 2:15

she runs around, eats, swims,

Andi 2:18

So basically what males of all the other animals do. Yeah. Yeah.

Sups 2:22

Okay. Good on you. Female seahorse. Yeah,

Tanner 2:25

So fact number one, Flat worms engage in penis fencing to decide who will carry their eggs.

Andi 2:34

Wait, wait, wait. What? so they have eggs and penises? Yes. Nice. All right. Okay.

Tanner 2:41

flatworms of the family, Pseudo ciero today, they're very pretty, they're like intensely black and they have like orange and white and purple bands and fringe, and they swim around. And their simultaneous hermaphrodites. Mm-hmm. So they are able to impregnate and get impregnated

Andi 2:59

at the same

Tanner 2:59

time? Yes. They have male and female organs, which they can use interchangeably.

Sups 3:04

Okay.

Tanner 3:04

If they get injected with sperm, then their eggs will become fertilized,

Sups 3:09

Oh, okay.

Andi 3:10

Here's the really important question can they impregnate themselves?

Tanner 3:15

one study did look at

Andi 3:16

this

Sups 3:17

cause I fun.

Andi 3:18

Yeah. You know, that's like, if humans could do that, that would be the first thing humans wanna try to find out. Yeah. Can I impregnate myself?

Tanner 3:24

They shoot themselves in the head with

Sups 3:26

sperm

Andi 3:27

Wait, what?

Tanner 3:27

Yeah. if they can find no mate, yeah. They inject the sperm into their own head.

Andi 3:33

Is that where the eggs

Tanner 3:34

are? No, It finds its way to

Sups 3:35

the eggs.

Tanner 3:36

in its own. its body.

Sups 3:37

very fascinating goes

Andi 3:38

Okay. But let's, okay, so wow. So we've established that they have both parts. They be impregnated and can impregnate. And to decide which worm does the impregnating and which flat worm gets They fence with their penises? Yes. Oh, this is amazing. I love this

Tanner 3:56

two flat worms meet on a reef and they both want

Andi 3:59

to make, they're into this. They're like yeah,

Tanner 4:01

They rear. Mm-hmm. And they expose their tiny little penises. Well,

Andi 4:06

they're not tiny to the flat worms. Right.

Tanner 4:08

well, they are still pretty tiny compared to the rest of their body.

Andi 4:11

Okay.

Tanner 4:12

So they jab at each other, trying to get their penis under the skin of the other one.

Andi 4:18

Like a needle. Yeah.

Tanner 4:20

it's like hypodermic.

Andi 4:21

They have to inject. Well, I mean, if they can shoe themselves in the head, then yeah, I guess.

Tanner 4:25

it also can like tear their skin and it's actually like violent. And the idea is that you don't wanna be impregnated because you then are stuck carrying the eggs and you have to dedicate so many resources to raising

Andi 4:39

yeah. Could you imagine having to be the one who has to like carry it and then give birth to it? You know, that just sounds terrible.

Tanner 4:47

For the full 24 hours, which is how long their pregnancy lasts.

Sups 4:53

Okay.

Andi 4:54

They have this whole biological mechanism in order to not be that. Yeah.

Tanner 4:57

Okay, great. And this mating fencing sex thing, glass for up to an. They're just going at it. Well,

Sups 5:04

Well,

Andi 5:05

so do we think that's real

Sups 5:07

I mean, it sounds amazing. I'd be really disappointed if it isn't.

Andi 5:12

I mean, Yeah, it's one of those things where like you could make it up, right? Like you just, oh, penis jousting. Ha ha. Like what teenage way hasn't made that joke? Or something like this before and just picked flat worms because why not? So it could be, but it's also kind of like this is the thing about this episode, I think like, it could be real Animals could be

Sups 5:34

anything. Yeah. I mean, I've looked up a lot of things on the internet, but this isn't one this isn't one of so I'm definitely learning today.

Andi 5:43

We won't king shame you. This is your kink, you know,

Sups 5:47

Yeah, I mean, wow.

Andi 5:50

Wow. All right, so That's good. Penis,

Tanner 5:53

Yeah. To start us

Andi 5:54

starting us off while we need to hear some more.

Tanner 5:58

Okay. Fact number two. Red sided garter snakes. Oh no mate. In balls of a hundred males with one female.

Sups 6:08

Mm.

Andi 6:09

snake pits. We're talking about snake pits

Sups 6:12

and ORs. Yeah.

Andi 6:14

Yeah. The orgy part doesn't bother

Sups 6:16

me.

Andi 6:18

snake. It's the snake part that bothers me. There's a reason when it's snakes, they're not called orgies. They're called

Tanner 6:25

kids This is more like a ball because they layer on top of each other

Sups 6:30

trying to So do they know who's the father eventually? No, the closest one,

Andi 6:36

Yeah. That's my thing though, is like how much actual like posturing and jostling can actually occur in such a ball. Like, you know what I mean? Like isn't it just gonna be proximity? Yeah. So like how do they even sexually select?

Tanner 6:48

these red sided garter snakes or theus ceris. No, they're gar snakes, so they're actually not venomous to humans.

Andi 6:56

Yeah, that doesn't make them not gross.

Tanner 6:58

can walk through this snake ball

Andi 7:00

in your, why would you want to do this?

Sups 7:03

Why?

Tanner 7:04

science.

Sups 7:04

Sure. Look, snakes are having sex. Let's just walk

Andi 7:07

over it. Let's go interrupt. Yeah.

Tanner 7:10

so they kind of hibernate for the winter and they wake up in the spring and. the female gives off a pheromone to attract all the males, and there's thousands of them in these

Andi 7:21

caves. Oh dear Lord. Oh my

Tanner 7:25

So the males rub their chins on the female, cuz it's usually just the one

Sups 7:31

All right. So there's like some foreplay

Tanner 7:33

Yeah. And the problem is there's so many males trying to get so much. Scale to scale action. That sometimes they can cut off her oxygen

Sups 7:44

Oh, so you're choking her now?

Andi 7:47

got, wow. These snakes are real kinky. All right, here we go.

Sups 7:51

So

Andi 7:51

And she consented, right? Cuz she's got

Tanner 7:53

those she gave off the pheromones, right? Sure. But when she doesn't want it to go on anymore, she releases feces

Andi 7:59

you mean she poops?

Tanner 8:00

she poop

Sups 8:01

Guys, I'm done with this. She just dumped the poop

Andi 8:06

she's like, I'm done. Get away from me. I like that as a defensive mechanism. I think humans need

Tanner 8:12

that. Yeah. I

Sups 8:13

she, it's a very female empowered snake.

Tanner 8:17

So basically the closest male at that point, inseminate the female and then they split up and she

Sups 8:23

goes on and go. But it might also be the case then that you have one snake who's doing all the hard work in pinning this female snake down, but somebody else is kind of closer and they come and finish the job. Oh,

Tanner 8:38

Yeah.

Sups 8:38

okay.

Andi 8:40

God, this is definitely anti Valentine's cuz this one is definitely like, this is getting me in the opposite of the mood. Thinking about snakes at all is a real good way to shut things down. What was the fact exactly?

Tanner 8:54

The fact is red sided garter snakes meet in balls of a hundred males with one female.

Andi 9:02

Gross. I mean, what would the lie be that like, oh no, that's a different kind of snake that does that because Snake pits are a Thing. A Terrifying. So like maybe the lie is like, actually it's a thousand of them or

Sups 9:15

something or maybe it's not a ball, but it's like all in a straight

Andi 9:19

or one out, or it is like something terrifying. Like actually it's cobras and you're like, no,.Yeah.

Sups 9:26

I feel like I've heard this somewhere.

Andi 9:28

Yeah, like snake pits definitely exist. So, yeah. I feel safer with this one than the first

Sups 9:33

one. Mm-hmm. Well, we're still, we're only halfway through

Andi 9:37

we're not to completion yet.

Sups 9:38

No There's still a lot of mating to be done.

Andi 9:41

Great. Please

Sups 9:43

don't take a dump right now. Andy.

Andi 9:45

Yeah. I'm done. Please tell me there are no more reptiles. no more reptiles. Okay,

Sups 9:51

Good.

Tanner 9:51

All right. Let's shift to mammals. Fact number. While mating chinchillas bite each other until the male ejaculates

Sups 10:02

I mean, Tara, are you secretly trying to send a message here? What's happening There's a lot of Choking and

Andi 10:09

biting animals are wild, hardcore,

Sups 10:12

Mm-hmm.

Andi 10:12

wait. Okay. So chinchillas bite each other. Like both of them, there's a mutual biting involved, well this would be a problem then. I feel like if you're going to raise them for fur, you'd have to do it before mating season. Otherwise, their furs will have bite marks in them. Wait, that's actually a thing.

Tanner 10:28

Yeah. One of the biggest reasons that humans care about chinch is, is they're fur. Correct. So they have, the densest fur of all land

Sups 10:36

Mm-hmm. Have

Andi 10:37

you ever touched chinchilla for? I haven't. Oh my God, it is definitely.

Tanner 10:42

It's super

Andi 10:43

it's so soft. It's like, yeah, Okay. Okay. I can see that. It's one of those things where it's like, eh, it's just fur. All furs are saying, but you touch, it's like a cloud.

Tanner 10:53

It's and I did have a pet. And Chi once, yes. His name was Pikachu. It was amazing.

Andi 10:59

It said Dust bats.

Sups 11:01

my God.

Tanner 11:02

So we're talking about chinchilla's, scientific name. Chinchilla, Chinchilla.

Andi 11:07

Nice. Is it like or

Tanner 11:10

like Yeah, probably in the Spanish cuz they're from the Andes in South America. Cri rodents related to squirrels. They live in herds in the high alt. And they have super soft fur. And they also have defensive tactics related to the fur. So they spray urine, which a lot of rodents do. And they also release their fur if they're bitten.

Sups 11:29

Mm-hmm.

Andi 11:30

They just shed

Tanner 11:31

it? Yeah, they just shed it like let it go to try to let the predator off of

Andi 11:34

So then maybe, yeah. Okay. So like you didn't get a good grip. You only got like the fur, not the skin. Right? Right. So I'll drop the fur and so then they're just naked. Chinchillas.It's like, oh, you got attacked.

Tanner 11:46

Yeah. what makes them weird is when they are ready to mate. the male will roll onto his back. the female will mount him. Okay. So they're actually face to face.

Andi 11:57

Aw, that's

Tanner 11:58

So their noses are closer together. They can smell their pheromones better, and they begin to lick and bite each other on the neck. Scientists are. Kind of mm-hmm. not sure why they do this, but the, the thinking is that they're

Andi 12:11

well, why do humans

Sups 12:14

it's, it's a very good girl on

Tanner 12:15

on top

Sups 12:15

going on

Andi 12:16

I'm, I'm weirdly like, okay, this sounds kinda nice.

Sups 12:20

Yeah, I, I feel like I've seen this scene

Tanner 12:22

So

Sups 12:22

in a movie,

Tanner 12:25

so the idea is that you'd be more engaged in rearing young if you're willing to put up with the biting of your mate. okay, that's the idea.

Andi 12:34

Sure. So when they do

Tanner 12:35

do this, their, that their fur is getting released as their instinct. Right? Cuz they're getting bitten. they're getting naked. They're getting naked, basically. When they're aroused enough. The male ejaculates, and the two part ways pregnancy lasts about 110 days.

Sups 12:48

Okay. This goes on, she's pregnant for a

Tanner 12:50

while, Yeah.

Andi 12:51

is pretty long for, it's just small, little, little

Tanner 12:54

creek, so they really have to make sure that like

Andi 12:55

this is the one. wow, this is a very Interaction.

Sups 13:00

got a whole ritual to

Andi 13:01

Yeah. Yeah.

Sups 13:02

actually like it.

Andi 13:03

Is it real though? It sounded awfully human. I

Sups 13:07

right. this. To be really honest, As he was describing, I thought, ah, there's the scene from 50 Shades, darker It's

Andi 13:15

too vanilla.

Sups 13:16

too basic. Yeah, I know. but it sounded

Andi 13:18

the fact was about how like they bite until The male ejaculates. that's well that's kind of a weird fact. Yeah. Right. That seems like, well, do they bite before?

Sups 13:27

Yeah. My assumption would be that the bite signifies that the mating has started, like, that's like the mating call. Yeah.

Andi 13:33

Yeah. But the fur. Right. Because well, if they shed their fur and they bite each other, then that would make their fur. useless They're not very big animals. I mean, they're bigger than you think they are. Yeah. But they're not very big. So you know, they're a little pelt. you need it to be in good condition. So like, what's the deal? Do they just not put males and females together on like a farm?

Tanner 13:55

Yeah. They try to separate them,

Sups 13:58

Okay.

Andi 13:59

Okay. That was kind of weird, but I feel like I'm okay with that fact too. I need to hear another

Tanner 14:04

All right. Let's take a deep dive for fact number four. male angler fish are parasites with huge testes.

Andi 14:13

I love how that's the fact. Huge. By whose

Tanner 14:19

standing?

Andi 14:19

I would like to know

Tanner 14:21

in reference to the rest of their body.

Andi 14:22

So Are

Sups 14:23

Are they like

Andi 14:23

mostly balls? Yes.

Tanner 14:25

It crowds out the rest of their organs.

Andi 14:28

Wow. Wait, who are they? Parasites of

Tanner 14:31

the females.

Sups 14:32

Hmm.

Andi 14:33

Oh,

Tanner 14:33

So angler fish?

Andi 14:34

Terrifying.

Tanner 14:35

Oh yeah. Some of the scariest fish in the deep race. then? Yes. The really scary ones on like Finding Nemo and all those with the huge jaws and the big. That glows? Yeah. Yeah. Those are females. And for a long time, scientists could never find the males. They're like, they're all females. Every single one we find are females, except there's these weird little parasites that are always on these things. Those turned out to be the males.

Sups 15:01

Right.

Andi 15:02

Oh, that's some serious sexual dimorphism.

Tanner 15:05

Yeah. So we're talking about lofi forms. That's the family. And these can be the size of. like a foot and a half is the female, the males are about a quarter inch, so about six millimeters.

Andi 15:18

you're talking about, like, depending on how big your arms are, but like your, elbow to your hand. Mm-hmm. and then the males are like the tip of your pinky

Tanner 15:25

fingers. Yeah. So they're hugely different in size. Yeah. They live up to a mile below the surface, where it's dark. That's why the females have The big glowy thing that sticks in front of their mouth. So these males, they're basically sexual parasites when they want to

Andi 15:41

So are humans Totally.

Sups 15:44

thing Yep. Mm-hmm.

Tanner 15:46

They swim up to a female. Bite onto her back or her belly or her sides, and they start to fuse with her. They're giving her all of the sperm that she needs to make fertilized eggs. So they connect to her circulatory system

Andi 16:03

Oh, what?

Tanner 16:04

and they basically are stuck to her for the rest of their lives.

Sups 16:08

only one partner.

Tanner 16:09

Yeah. Yeah.

Andi 16:12

how do you, how do you even

Tanner 16:13

choose, Well, how One partner for the males, females can have up to like eight males on the men

Andi 16:18

Oh my

Sups 16:19

wow.

Andi 16:22

is

Sups 16:22

I asked. Wow.

Andi 16:24

That is

Sups 16:26

So there are like, imagine there are like eight males, like just, Hey bro, what's up? What are you like, yeah, you here for the same thing? Yeah, me too.

Andi 16:34

they're just like fused to your body. Mm-hmm. the females can, they reject a male?

Tanner 16:39

They could eat'em.

Sups 16:40

'em.

Andi 16:40

Oh,

Tanner 16:41

Okay.

Andi 16:42

That's

Sups 16:42

Oh wow.

Tanner 16:43

Yeah, but their testes are basically the only organ that doesn't get fused

Andi 16:48

Right. So they're just dependent on the female for like

Tanner 16:51

for everything organ system, Right. And in comparison to the rest of their organs, most of their body cavity is testes.

Andi 16:57

Wow. Wow. That is weird. Yeah. I've never heard. anything like that. That's bizarre.

Sups 17:05

Yeah. Yeah. it's, it's a huge decision for the meal to

Andi 17:07

make Oh yeah, Exactly. Yeah. I animals are just so weird. They can be anything, but that is pretty surprising. Mm-hmm. I mean, I guess it, it makes sense in anything in the deep ocean. anything goes Mm-hmm.

Sups 17:20

Mm-hmm.

Andi 17:21

but that's weird. Wow. I learned so much.

Sups 17:24

me too.

Andi 17:25

This was very entertaining. I like this.

Sups 17:27

Imagine now next time when I'm at a party, Hey guys, do you know how Angular fish made

Andi 17:33

Yeah. Right. No. Do the

Sups 17:35

you about

Andi 17:36

chinchillas. are so,

Sups 17:37

sex. Yeah.

Andi 17:39

oh, man. Well, before you do that though, yeah, we need to find out which one of those isn't real. You don't wanna be telling your party. something wrong. That's true. We are going to guess which one we think is a lie, but before we do that, can you please repeat your four facts?

Tanner 17:55

Sure. Fact number one, flatworms engage in penis fencing to decide who will carry their eggs. Fact number two. Red sided garter snakes mate in balls of a hundred males and one female. Fact number three, while mating chinchillas bite each other until the male ejaculates and fact number four, male angler fish are parasites with huge testes. one of those is a lie

Andi 18:36

I love that

Sups 18:38

huge emphasis. You could have just said huge. Are totally underserved. Now. He's a

Andi 18:43

huge, huge testing.

Sups 18:46

Okay

Andi 18:47

This is hard. This, yeah.

Sups 18:49

This is challenging. Yep.

Andi 18:50

No, no, no. no. It's hard.

Sups 18:53

Okay, I see.

Andi 18:55

Okay. I was pretty skeptical of number one. just because I thought it was something that I think Tanner could have made up. the garter steak one. I don't know where that could be a lie. It's too weird. The Angler Fish, I don't know where he would get that idea. That's pretty weird. Mm-hmm. So I think it's between one or three. Yeah. I

Sups 19:17

I

Andi 19:17

the chinchilla story is too good to be true.

Sups 19:19

to be. Mm. for me, I think the only reason why I am. Thinking about three is that it just sounds too vanilla, like, you know, in the larger context of things. Yeah.

Andi 19:30

It Yeah. Too human. Too Yeah. It definitely, it sounded very human animals are literally wild. Right. And like with the other three, they are usually like way more bizarre and I feel like there's more violence or something involved and it makes you really sad. Like we're gonna be like, oh no, change l sex is actually horrifying. And it's like, oh no,

Sups 19:53

Yeah.

Andi 19:54

I think it was Too nice and too human. Yeah. So I'm skeptical. that's

Sups 19:58

I'm thinking it's number

Andi 19:59

three. Yeah. But how adorable if that's real. Yeah. that puts chinchillas way up there on It's just so cute. so adorable. No, I think it's gonna be something sad. I think it's gonna be like, yeah, no, they like bite each other to death or something. I don't

Sups 20:14

okay. I'm going go with number three

Andi 20:16

I think it's

Sups 20:17

Okay.

Tanner 20:18

Okay. So you're both going with chinchillas? the lie is fact number three. Yes. Yes. okay,

Andi 20:28

in what way though? That's what we need to

Tanner 20:30

know. So I made it kinkier than it really is.

Andi 20:34

Oh, it's, wait, that was kinky. We thought it was vanilla. Oh. what does that say about us?

Sups 20:39

I dunno. And the fact that both of us picked

Andi 20:42

we're like, it's so vanilla

Sups 20:45

Okay.

Tanner 20:46

From beginning to end. Here's chinchilla mating.

Sups 20:49

Okay.

Tanner 20:50

The male mounts the female from the rear. He thrusts, he ejaculates on the first insert. She produces a plug to close her vaginal opening. that's it. beginning to end

Andi 21:00

And so you made it kinky. Yeah. Well, was it even kinky? Just

Sups 21:05

David own

Tanner 21:06

Yeah. That's it. Yeah. They don't engage in licking and biting and rolling on their back. Actually, the only animals that engage in face-to-face mating. Our humans, Bonna, Bowes, gorillas, and sometimes beavers and hamsters.

Andi 21:21

Yes.

Sups 21:23

Oh, wow. Never

Andi 21:25

Oh, could you imagine would be too adorable. Like face to face, all cute. They kiss and stuff. Oh man. But Wow. That's a, a bold move for your lies, You

Tanner 21:36

You were like,

Andi 21:36

I'm going to invent a sexual encounter for gens. Yeah. The things you do for this podcast, and like I said, I guess like the other clue is that harvest them for furs while we used to, and if they were biting each other and getting rid of their fur, that would be a problem. So it's just mating.

Tanner 21:55

Yeah. Yeah. So I cranked it up a little bit.

Andi 21:57

Yeah, you

Sups 21:58

did.

Andi 21:58

I don't, it or, yeah. Yeah. You didn't fool us though. We're too good at this. We know real animal. Meaning when we hear

Tanner 22:08

True, true.

Andi 22:10

Wow. Well, but still, yeah.

Sups 22:11

yeah. Super

Andi 22:12

interesting. Animals are wild. And I should have known,

Sups 22:15

I should have known,

Tanner 22:16

I should

Andi 22:17

have known Thanks for listening to this episode of the Ihad He Known podcast. We will be continuing with our anti Valentine themed month with things like this. Hope you enjoyed it, and as always, thanks for listening.

Tanner 22:31

kill them.

Sups 22:31

Killed them,

Andi 22:32

Well, yeah,