Animal Penises - Animal Kingdom Month

Stand at attention and listen in to our next episode in our Animal Kingdom theme! Quizmaster Andi took a peek at creatures around the world for four facts about their reproductive organs. But one of them is ... impotent. Think you can identify the false fact? Join hosts Tanner and Sups as they put their penis knowledge to the test and try to find the lie! 

Transcript

Tanner 0:01

always thought the business end of a great white shark was the teeth.

Sups 0:04

Yeah..Yeah. I have a very visual mind, right? So when you start seeing things like this, my mind likes to wonder.

Tanner 0:15

I never think of bug penetrative reproductive organs.

Sups 0:20

And you shouldn't,

Tanner 0:23

No, I think this one is so unbelievable.

Sups 0:25

Really?

Andi 0:28

Hello and welcome to this episode of I Should Have Known, the trivia game show that can't be trusted. Each week, one of our Quizmasters will present you with four facts about a topic, but one of those facts is a lie. We are exploring the weird and wonderful animal kingdom this month. I will be your Quizmaster today. I'm Andi. And going to be presenting you with a very special episode on animal penises. So I will present you with four facts about four different penises from around the animal kingdom. But one of my facts is a lie. So join our other hosts, Supes and Tanner and figuring out which one it is. So it's maybe a little not safe for work, maybe a little mature perhaps.

Tanner 1:08

Is this mature or is this an immature episode? I don't know.

Andi 1:13

technically it's all biology. It's all scientific, so a couple things to start is in case anyone's curious there are two acceptable English plurals for the word penis. the general English penises, but also another acceptable plural is peens,

Tanner 1:28

is peens. peens.

Andi 1:29

Yeah, that's just a bonus,

Sups 1:31

Yeah, that's

Andi 1:32

Also, second thing I would like to mention that technically not all of the appendages we will talk about today are penises, because a penis is a specific biological organ. Technically, what we're talking about today are penetrative reproductive organs,

Sups 1:49

Okay.

Andi 1:50

penises are included in that group, but we'll be talking about other, kinds of penetrative reproductive organs.

Tanner 1:55

They are non penis penetrative reproductive organs? Wow,

Andi 2:00

are.

Tanner 2:00

I'm already learning stuff, this is great.

Andi 2:02

All right. Are you ready for your PQQ?

Tanner 2:06

Penis quiz question. yes.

Andi 2:08

penis quiz question. So obviously blue whales have the largest penis in the animal kingdom as the largest animal. However, do you know what animal has the largest Penis to body size ratio.

Sups 2:22

body

Andi 2:23

this particular penis is up to 40 times the length of the animal

Tanner 2:29

Oh

Sups 2:29

so definitely not horse and

Andi 2:31

Right, yes.

Tanner 2:32

I think it's the barnacle.

Andi 2:34

It is indeed the barnacle. They are those things that are stuck to boats and ships and stuff and they literally it's, it's an accordion style. So it like stretches out and then they really just squirt their sperm into like all the other barnacle holes and hope that some of them are female and that they are impregnated

Sups 2:54

Yeah. is that where the term spray and pray comes

Tanner 2:57

great.

Andi 2:58

I Don't know So yeah, we're gonna talk about some animal penises today

Tanner 3:04

Awesome.

Andi 3:05

So, fact number one, garden snails stab their mates with calcium carbonate barbs called love darts.

Tanner 3:14

so, love snails.

Andi 3:22

We're talking particularly about land snails And garden snails, as in literally snails you'd find out in your garden, So, most snails are hermaphroditic, so they have both sperm and eggs. So in order to get the other snail to be the egg carrier, think we talked about this in your animal mating

Tanner 3:43

in your animal flatworm that has to penetrate the other

Andi 3:47

one. Yeah, so because they have both parts, there's kind of a joust, if you will, where you don't want to be the receiver. You don't want to be the egg carrier. You want to be the inseminator and then go on and inseminate other things. This is a thing in the animal kingdom. I don't carrying young

Tanner 4:05

can't

Andi 4:09

So in order to up their own chances. They have these barbs made of calcium carbonate. That are called love darts and they literally shoot them at the other snails and these darts penetrate anywhere in the body of the snail and instantly starts releasing these hormones to produce sperm and to lower the receivers libido so that it doesn't, you know, Kill the sperm. It accepts the sperm and then doesn't accept sperm from other snails.

Sups 4:39

That's pretty cool. I mean, like, imagine, like, there are like two snails going, and they're like, Oh, yeah, I'm just going to now start shooting Love darts. And like, they don't have to distinguish between a male and female. I think that's, that's incredible.

Tanner 4:51

in the oven. so stuff

Andi 4:55

the same stuff as coral and it's like a little tube. these things are pretty large. They are very visible to the human eye. They can be up to an inch or three centimeters long. So like they're very scary and they are known to reduce the lifespan of the receiver. So they're harmed by this. The snails are harmed by these love darts, which is what scientists call them.

Tanner 5:20

That's the unbelievable part, I think. I'm going to believe it for now, but I really am not 100 percent sold on the name Love Darts.

Sups 5:29

it's not unreasonable, right? I mean, like scientists, they give like some weird names to weird things. But I think we still have three more to go. right before we make up our mind.

Tanner 5:39

Right.

Andi 5:40

Fact number two, the Lesser Water Boatman uses its penis to be the loudest animal relative to its body

Tanner 5:49

Okay. what is it doing with its

Andi 5:52

making music.

Sups 5:53

making music.

Tanner 5:54

Yeah, what

Andi 5:55

is. Beautiful, sweet, sweet, romantic music. So, um, the Lesser Water Boatman It's a kind of insect. It's a bug. It lives on the bottom of rivers and lakes in France.

Tanner 6:07

Wow, okay.

Andi 6:08

There's a special word for this. It's called stridulate. So, to stridulate means for bugs to rub their body parts together to make loud noises.

Tanner 6:17

okay.

Andi 6:18

Well, this little bug uses its penis. They have small ridges on them, and they rub their penises against their abdomens in order to make this

Sups 6:29

And

Andi 6:30

so for reference, the loudest animal, also kind of funny, do you know what the loudest animal is?

Tanner 6:36

you know the loudest animal is? It's

Andi 6:42

monkey. It's a sperm whale. I know, right? So the sperm whale can make sounds over 200 decibels. This little guy. the water boatman, is about 99. 2 decibels max, and the average is about 78. Which is about the same as if you were sitting in the front row while an entire orchestra is playing.

Tanner 7:06

how loud

Andi 7:07

how loud this little guy is.

Tanner 7:09

And it's teeny tiny.

Andi 7:12

And it uses its penis to do this.

Sups 7:15

A penis has many uses.

Tanner 7:17

It does. Wow. never heard of someone playing the

Andi 7:21

penis.

Sups 7:22

The

Tanner 7:23

Hmm. So it rubs its ridged penis on its belly? Mm hmm.

Andi 7:28

Huh. And his belly has ridges.

Tanner 7:30

what does it, sound like?

Andi 7:31

Like a loud screeching and actually if you're walking along a river they live on the bottom of the river, humans are able to hear them walking along the river. So even through the water, which of course, like, sound loses a lot of energy going through the water. It's still loud enough for humans to hear.

Tanner 7:49

It's

Sups 7:50

Wow.

Tanner 7:51

love It on its

Sups 7:55

Or They just don't rub, rub it on its belly.

Tanner 7:58

Yeah. Or, or they do do this, but it's not the loudest to body size I mean, she definitely didn't make up stridulate and rubbing this penis rubbing thing. But to me, the lie would be that there's a different animal that's louder.

Sups 8:13

And we should know that. Like a more common one.

Tanner 8:16

Right. Like a monkey or something.

Sups 8:19

That would count. Okay, so this has the possibility to be a bit fishy.

Tanner 8:23

the

Sups 8:24

I'm not a hundred percent convinced. I think the snail sounds more real to me. than this one, I guess.

Tanner 8:31

yeah, This is so out there.

Sups 8:32

I mean, it's unique. But, I don't know. not sure.

Tanner 8:36

It's so interesting. I never think of bug penetrative reproductive organs.

Sups 8:42

And you shouldn't, if you do, then there is a problem.

Andi 8:46

no, no one would blame you for that.

Tanner 8:48

Good. I guess we have to just move on to the next two.

Andi 8:51

Okay, fact number three. A great white shark's penises are actually bright red.

Sups 8:59

know,

Tanner 9:00

What?

Sups 9:01

I have a very visual mind, right? So when you start seeing things like this, my mind likes to wonder.

Tanner 9:10

Penises? Does a great white shark have multiple penises?

Andi 9:14

it has Two. okay. So technically these are not penises. Again, these are penetrative reproductive organs. They're a type of appendage called a clasper. made from a modified pelvic fin

Tanner 9:29

Okay, Okay, Because it's a fish.

Andi 9:32

Yeah. Yeah. So, they will dangle out of the shark near the tail.

Tanner 9:37

Yeah.

Andi 9:37

There's two of them.

Tanner 9:38

they're bright red.

Andi 9:41

They are, whew, get ready for this. They are between 35 and 40 centimeters. So like a foot long,

Tanner 9:48

Wow. I was. Definitely picturing smaller than

Sups 9:51

that.

Tanner 9:51

ha, ha, ha, ha,

Andi 9:52

oh, and they have a little heavily calcified spur at the end that it uses to attach to the female's vagina so that it can stay because it's not a real penis. it's just a modified

Tanner 10:04

Yeah. Why they have two?

Andi 10:07

Because it's, modified from the fins. They have two fins

Tanner 10:09

on the side. oh, oh, because it's not centered in their body. It's on the side and they're symmetrical.

Andi 10:15

they can use them separately. So they only, they only use one at a

Tanner 10:18

Yeah.

Sups 10:18

time. Yeah.

Tanner 10:20

always thought the business end of a great white shark was the teeth.

Sups 10:22

Yeah..Yeah.

Tanner 10:24

that's the nicer.

Sups 10:26

Mm.

Andi 10:26

So, shark mating is a bit of a mystery to us because sharks are very rare and they likely are mating out in the deep ocean and it's very rare to see, like, white sharks, the bigger ones, two at once. Possibly. and pretty much all of the mating of sharks that we have observed was in aquariums.

Tanner 10:46

Oh, okay.

Andi 10:47

in the wild, in the open ocean, it's much, much harder. But there are some sightings. So, generally, shark mating is uh, you know, those teeth that you mentioned, they will Bite the back of the female and then curl their tails around So that the clasper can penetrate the female because they lay eggs But the eggs are fertilized internally. this is an adaptation of sharks. So most fish They will lay eggs and then the males will just come and spray sperm everywhere. pray? Yeah, that's the spray and pray

Tanner 11:22

Ignore,

Andi 11:23

sharks are fish, but sometimes females will lay fertilized eggs or they actually will hatch inside the female and they will have live young. So, they use one clasper at a time. And people describe them like rolling around together, It's been observed to happen for over 40 minutes, and then they, they swim

Tanner 11:45

wow.

Andi 11:45

Oh, and they're bright red, so they're like terrifying.

Sups 11:48

I totally forgot the red part.

Andi 11:50

yeah, it's very important that they're bright red,

Tanner 11:52

they're bright red, barbed, and they stick out of the shark.

Andi 11:57

The belly of the shark. so actually it is very easy to tell the sex of sharks. Great white sharks. Because they have these little dangly red peens. They're flopping there. They're creepy.

Tanner 12:10

god.

Sups 12:10

see this one I don't believe. That's I think the shark

Tanner 12:14

No, I think this one is so unbelievable.

Sups 12:16

Really? like I like the double penis part because think of it, it's so big. Like one is not enough Come on, this whole process lasts 40 minutes. You think one penis

Tanner 12:26

one person can go on for

Andi 12:28

Oops. Is that like a self owned, are you guys self owning

Sups 12:32

I mean, tell me, tell me, Who's gone on for 40 minutes, Like,

Andi 12:36

you can hours in I

Sups 12:39

And what is the female doing in all of this? She's just like

Andi 12:42

She's literally being bitten. Yeah. Yeah.

Sups 12:46

Wow. okay.

Tanner 12:47

that is really, really gross.

Sups 12:49

It's something that I would like to see. in an aquarium.

Tanner 12:52

say. I

Andi 12:56

one. And remember, it's 35 to 40 centimeters long.

Tanner 12:59

40

Sups 13:01

of

Andi 13:01

But I have to say that this is not the scariest penis today. We have one more to go and it is by far the scariest.

Sups 13:10

yourself.

Andi 13:11

So prepare

Tanner 13:12

I don't know how

Sups 13:12

much I don't know if I'm ready for this, but, okay.

Andi 13:16

Fact number four.

Sups 13:17

for

Andi 13:19

Echidna penises have four heads, and they use two at a time.

Tanner 13:23

What? They're like aliens.

Andi 13:25

So when I saw a picture of an echidna penis, I knew that I would never be the same. It was terrifying. So

Tanner 13:33

So first things first, what is an kinna?

Andi 13:35

echidna? Good question. So echidnas are native to Australia, and they are monotremes.

Tanner 13:41

Like platypus.

Andi 13:42

Exactly, so they're very strange mammals that lay eggs. Yes, echidnas are kind of like hedgehog looking guys, they Boast probably the most terrifying penis in the animal kingdom. some people call it a rosette. Because it has four heads.

Tanner 13:55

forehead. Some people call it a

Andi 13:59

Yeah, so unlike most mammalian penises they don't urinate through them. So the, the urethra is separate from their penis, which is very unusual. they have a different little

Sups 14:10

local thing. Do they have another penis for urinating? No, they

Andi 14:15

so they, only have sperm and technically, so, you know, you're picturing this thing, there's like the shaft and then there are like four little rosette heads, but technically only the heads are penises. The little shaft bit is just kind of an extra scary bit just to be terrifying. Yeah. So, the other weird thing about them is they only use two at a time. So they only, two get erect at a

Tanner 14:39

get erect What are the other two doing?

Sups 14:41

doing? Chilling, chilling. Dangling. Waiting for, waiting for, a call up. You know, They're they're like, the substitute.

Tanner 14:47

take me in, Oh

Andi 14:48

Yeah.

Sups 14:49

Oh My god

Andi 14:50

Yeah. So, this is highly unusual. But, actually, this kind of double penis is very common in the reptilian world. So,

Tanner 15:01

I've heard of snakes

Andi 15:02

snakes have Hemipenes.

Tanner 15:04

Hemipenes.

Andi 15:05

Hemipenes. The, yeah, they basically have two half penises that's like, makes kind of one penis. they use each one separately.

Tanner 15:12

We don't Honestly,

Andi 15:16

we don't know. because monotremes lay eggs as well, they kind of represent a missing link between reptiles and

Sups 15:23

mammals. Um, The in betweens.

Andi 15:26

yeah, So perhaps this kind of weird double peen was normal in mammals in our early, early evolution before We decided to just do the one.

Tanner 15:36

just do

Andi 15:38

But yeah, so they're super weird, super creepy. And we're not really sure why it's like this, they look like alien men. They are so

Sups 15:47

oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Oh, wow.

Tanner 15:50

Definitely. This kind of ruins my childhood too because like I

Sups 15:53

I grew up

Tanner 15:53

playing Sonic the Hedgehog. And in that there's a character which is an echidna. Knuckles the echidna. and so I just picture his four pink

Sups 16:02

Oh, wow. Okay, wow. Tanner,

Tanner 16:08

it's ruining

Andi 16:09

my

Tanner 16:09

childhood.

Sups 16:10

Yeah, do you know that kids listen to our podcast, so Not

Andi 16:13

though?

Sups 16:15

Wow. Okay.

Tanner 16:16

anything all of this? I don't know

Sups 16:22

Do they have five heads?

Tanner 16:23

her. I

Andi 16:24

five

Tanner 16:25

know if

Sups 16:26

wow.

Andi 16:27

were my four penises,

Tanner 16:28

Oh, man, okay. Well, I'm just blown away by these four peons, and I can't believe that one is false. So, before we guess which one that is, could you repeat the four penis facts, please?

Andi 16:40

Gladly. Fact number one. Garden snails stab their mates with the calcium carbonate barbs called love darts. Fact number two, the lesser water boatman uses its penis to be the loudest animal relative to its body size. Fact number three, a great white shark's penises are actually bright red. And Fact number four, echidna penises have four heads and use two at a time. One of those is a lie.

Tanner 17:20

Oh man. One doesn't quite measure up. Which

Andi 17:25

Which way are you leaning?

Sups 17:27

think they all, they're incredible facts. So, first of all, amazing research, I'd be interested in animal penises, but Loki, I

Andi 17:36

in cannibal

Sups 17:38

what I'm thinking, number two, the French thingy, the sound thingy and the penis rubbing on the stomach, size and all of that, that seems a bit too outrageous. that's where I'm leaning towards. Yeah,

Tanner 17:50

where I'm leaning maybe the whole story about rubbing it is true, but false part would be loudness. Some other animal is louder. So I could totally see how that would be the lie. But also, when she repeated them, I was like why would a shark have a bright red penis? Can they even see red? I mean, we think of them as like smelling blood but maybe.

Sups 18:12

interesting point. Color theory.

Tanner 18:13

need it? Yeah.

Sups 18:15

But the penis has to have some color.

Tanner 18:17

Well, yeah, and I get that, like, the I kiddos are pink. Like, has a lot of blood vessels. So it's red. Right. that would be my guess.

Sups 18:24

Yeah. Bright red? that's a very valid point. Underwater, red, But at the same time, this, yeah, to me, this insect, the size of the body, Hmm. I don't know. Something's a

Tanner 18:37

Yeah. I think that's a legit reason too.

Sups 18:40

Yeah. Okay, Okay. I'm going to go with number two.

Andi 18:43

number I know like the superlative is always kind of like

Tanner 18:47

Maybe

Andi 18:48

it's sketchy, but it really is

Tanner 18:49

What?

Sups 18:50

Oh, wow. Oh.

Andi 18:51

Yeah, Tanner you figured it out. Yeah, a great white shark's penises are White,

Tanner 18:57

okay.

Andi 18:58

they are the color of its belly So because the fins are on the bottom of his belly, you know, fish have white peles. So the penises are also white. They're weird, creepy, dangly things on the end of every male shark. And they're always out. like, you know, they're just flapping in the, in the breeze, if you will.

Tanner 19:18

just

Andi 19:19

The water, the current.

Sups 19:20

Yeah.

Tanner 19:21

the if you will. The water, the current. I have,

Andi 19:28

still, it's so out there. I innocent and I didn't understand

Tanner 19:37

are, Just look for their great white penises.

Andi 19:42

both of them. You feel

Tanner 19:46

feel so traumatized.

Andi 19:47

You didn't see the kidnapping.

Sups 19:50

I feel

Tanner 19:51

goodness.

Sups 19:51

wow, okay, well, I should have known.

Tanner 19:54

I should have known.

Andi 19:55

Thanks for listening to this episode of I Should Have Known If you enjoyed this episode, we would be smiling and satisfied if you would leave us a comment or review wherever you listen to podcasts, And we'll be continuing with our animal theme next week. Our quiz master is Supes, and he'll be telling us all about the mighty, mighty ant. So Get your magnifying glass ready for that. And as always, record.

Tanner 20:21

smallest and largest.