152. Becoming More with Dianna Kokoszka

💭 Are you living a life by design or by default?

This week, we sit with award-winning entrepreneur CEO, Dianna Kokoszka. Her own siblings' battle with brain tumors sparked her crusade in neuroscience and brain training. In this episode, Dianna unravels her philosophy of transformation, explaining how repetitive, intentional thought patterns can lead to the rebirth of one's identity and reality, as she's detailed in her book "Becoming More."

Join us for this episode as we explore the depth of our minds and unlock the potential of our thoughts to craft the life we desire.

🌐 Connect with Dianna:
• Website: https://becomingmorebook.com/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/diannak/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dianna.kokoszka/

📚 You can purchase Dianna's book at Amazon:
• Becoming More: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C75BZ8S1/

Transcript

Mick Spiers: 0:26

Hey everyone and welcome back to the leadership project. I'm greatly honored today to be joined by Dianna Kokoszka. Dianna is an award-winning entrepreneur and CEO who takes time with people on how to train their brain to achieve their goals, and she's also the author of a new book called Becoming More. These words are already capturing my attention, and then when you listen to the tagline, which is then you can't get to better until you get too different. So, there's a lot here for us to unpack today. What does it mean to become more? What do you mean by getting better? What do you mean by getting too different? So, I'm really interested to see where this conversation goes today. So, without any further ado, Dianna, I would love it if you would please say hello to our audience, and I'd love to know a little bit about your background and what led you into this big world of coaching and helping people to become more.

Dianna Kokoszka: 1:23

Well, thank you for the question and thank you for this great opportunity. I just love adding value to people. In fact, at 7 am, my phone goes off and it says what will you do today to add value to others? And at 7 pm, an alarm goes off and it says what did you do to add value to others? And so today you blessed me to be able to say yes, and I know, between the two of us, people will get value out of this call today.

Dianna Kokoszka: 1:50

As far as what led me to start thinking about becoming more, I had a brother and sister both with brain tumors, and it was back in the day when they didn't know a lot about neuroscience, and so we were always studying to figure out how can we help both of them become the best that they can be. My brother learned how to walk and talk for different times in his life. My sister eventually got to the point where she could not articulate the words. She knew what she wanted to say in her head, and yet it would stop midstream. She remembered it, yet it never dropped to her tongue to be able to be said, and we would play charades most of the time and she would say you know. Well, sometimes, Mick, we didn't know, we just played like we knew to make the conversation keep going. Well, that started something inside of me to start wanting to know what is this thing called a brain? Is it programmed by other people? Do we have a way to train our own brain to think? And if so, how do we do that? And as I watched my brother at first, it was I would say a word into a real-to-real tape recorder. He would listen, he would say the word, then we'd play it back, and it was about learning and implementing and failing and relearning over and over and over again. Eventually, Mick, we gave him a book to read, children's books. The one that we gave him, though, was a little engine that could.

Dianna Kokoszka: 3:16

That said, I think I can, I think I can. Well, I had to. I wondered really, is that true? Does that really work? And then I really went after it. I wanted to prove that thesis right or wrong, either way. Well, as you know, it proves right. We do train our brain, and I'm here to help however I'm able, so other people can become the best that they can be.

Dianna Kokoszka: 3:41

Background very quickly started in real estate, actually started working at age five at my family on grocery store and then when I got into real estate I can afford a babysitter, put my kids in a little red wagon and went door to door. Eventually that took me on to the C suite of coaching and training company, building the world's largest coaching and training company in real estate. And I think it was from those formative years of helping my brother and sister, always wanting to make a difference and to add value, building that company to 357 coaches, 57 trainers that went out into the world all over Paraguay. I mean all sorts of places right and also just the fact of seeing people reach new heights. There's something about it going from success to significance that's very stimulating to me.

Mick Spiers: 4:36

So lots to unpack there already, dinah. So thank you so much for that great introduction and thank you for being there for your brother and sister, by the way. That must have been a very challenging time for you and challenging time for your family.

Dianna Kokoszka: 4:49

What.

Mick Spiers: 4:49

I'd love to know is what did you learn about yourself through that time? So you're helping your brother, you're helping your sister, but what did you learn about yourself?

Dianna Kokoszka: 4:57

Well, I learned that leadership is not about having others serve you. It's about serving people. And when you serve people and add value to them, pretty soon they desire to follow you, which is what leadership is all about. I mean, after all, having a title doesn't make you a leader. Each one of us are leaders in our own right. If nothing else, we just lead ourselves right.

Mick Spiers: 5:20

Absolutely Very good reflection and you've learned that early in your life in the service of your family. But thank you for what you've done there and I'm sure that they're greatly appreciative as well. Let's talk about the little engine that could, and what you're tapping on there is, if I use Henry Ford's famous words, whether you think you can or can't, you're probably right. And if we reflect on that, I think all of us can imagine situations. I think about things like in the gym. Right, If you go up to a hurdle in the gym and you're practicing some calisthenics and you look at a hurdle across and you look at it and go, there's no way I can jump over that. As soon as you say that to yourself, you know that you're not going to get over it. But if you say that you believe that you can get over it, there's a good chance that you will Tell us more about your essence, of whether you think you can or can't, you're probably right.

Dianna Kokoszka: 6:08

Well, truly, I believe in that, and every time we do something, a lot of times fear holds us back. Some people say the fear of failure, others say the fear of success. Whatever it is, it starts playing in our head. I say that each one of us have an inescapable storyteller in our head, and the one that you're talking about that can't is the devious storyteller. It tells us everything that's wrong with us, why we cannot achieve what we'll get in our way and we see obstacles. The storyteller that is, the empowering storyteller is the one that we fight the devious one with by saying if I can, I will, I'll do whatever it takes to go as far as I can.

Dianna Kokoszka: 6:51

When you use the gym as a reference and I think that's a great analogy when you think about going to the gym, you're actually tearing your muscles. Microscopic tears in the muscle is what actually builds the muscle. Therefore, if we don't have challenges in our life, if we don't have hurdles to jump over, we're never going to get stronger. And, let's face it, nobody wants to stay where they were when they were three years old, for heaven's sakes. Yet we fight sometimes.

Dianna Kokoszka: 7:21

We fight those obstacles, and if we just look at those obstacles, it's just a different season in our life, much like winter, fall, spring, summer. We don't sit and talk about, oh, another season change is coming, we just go with the flow. In the wintertime we may put on a jacket. In the summertime we dress with sleeveless blouses or something, or swimsuits, right, and we jump in the water to cool off. What season are we in? Are we preparing our minds, our brains, the things that we do to help us through that season, knowing that we're going to come out on the other end, stronger, because we believe we can come out stronger?

Mick Spiers: 8:05

There's two really powerful things that I'm picking up there, dino. The first one is around the storytelling and about the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. And then the second one is the role of these challenges that, in reality, end up making up who we are, how we address and face those challenges, and the word that is playing in my mind is the word reframing, when I heard everything you said there, so the ability to look at a situation and to be able to reframe it in a new way instead of just accepting it for the way it is. So, for example, the story I tell myself about myself and this is not talking about me here, by the way, but if you tell yourself that you're a world-class athlete, you'll behave like a world-class athlete. The whole way that you present yourself to the world can be governed by the story you tell yourself about yourself. Tell us more about that for you.

Dianna Kokoszka: 8:56

Well, I think everyone has a story. In business, we talk numbers and as a leader, we have to know our numbers. Yet every single one of those numbers represents a person and every single person has a story. Now, the story is the one that they've made up. More importantly, I think it's the story that they tell themselves and tell others.

Dianna Kokoszka: 9:18

And when you talk about the story in our head, what comes to my mind in the reframing part is if your stories were put together in a book called the Book of your Life, how would that book read? Would it be an adventure, a book about business? Would it be a fairy tale, a romance novel? I don't know. But we get to make up the stories. We get to hold the pen, if you will, to write the story, because we create our stories, and a lot of people have given that pen to other people by reframing, saying I'm going to pick up my own pen, I'm in charge of my life, I'm the one that's going to be disciplined enough and be intentional about the life I'm going to live, the stories that I'm going to tell myself. And we have affirmations to train our brain, telling our brain who we are, because our brain will react to it and our brain will say oh, that's who you desire to be. Well, let's make that happen, because it is like our genie in a bottle it will do what we ask it to do when we are intentional about that. Now, I'm not certain I answered your question correctly, and yet I'm just letting people know that they are the creator, they are the character, they are the crusader, and they can be the champion of their own story when they allow themselves to sit with themselves and say where is it I desire to be? Who is it I desire to be? What is it that I want to be known for when my time on Earth ends, what do I want people to remember me by? And then start living their life that way and reframing, retraining their brain to be a person that acts the way they want to act, does what they want to do and has what they want to have, and it all starts with how they think about themselves.

Mick Spiers: 11:19

There's definitely a few things I want to unpack there. Dianna, I love the metaphor of grabbing hold of the pen, being the author of your life, and you can bring all kinds of metaphors that around chapters, and what are the different chapters going to tell about different parts of your life and seasons? You called it earlier, etc. Etc. What I'm curious about is if you don't grab the pen and you said you're living by other people's stories or someone else is writing your life, what would you say is the role of kind of societal expectations there?

Dianna Kokoszka: 11:52

I think you're living a life of default. And when we give the pen to somebody else, I mean, what kind of story are they gonna write for us? It's probably gonna be a story that serves them, not us, right? Because they're writing their own story. And if they're the character of the play, then you've gotta be a supporting actor or actress. You have to be a substitute or a stand-in in their story.

Dianna Kokoszka: 12:18

I just want everyone listening to understand it's their story. Quit living it for other people. And no one ever told me I don't know about you, Mick. Did anybody ever tell you, hey, when you were young? You're the author of your own story. You're the author of your own life.

Dianna Kokoszka: 12:34

And, by the way, for those that are religious, I'm not saying God is not in charge. I am saying that you have a choice and every morning we get up, we have a choice as to what story we're gonna live for that day and we decide if we pick up the pen and live a life by design or we allow other people to hold the pen and we live a life by default. And I gotta tell you, a life by default can be really discouraging anxiety, depression, that social comparison starts to set in when other people hold the pen. That's looking on Facebook to find out how many likes you have, comparing your life to other people. They forget sometimes that we're comparing our outside to other people's inside.

Dianna Kokoszka: 13:22

We don't know what those people are going through. They may be putting on a mask, thinking, oh, everything's wonderful. I'm so happy today when inside they're depressed as I'll get out right. So, with us stating I'm in charge, I'm gonna be intentional, I'm gonna be disciplined enough to pick up the pen and take responsibility for my future. It doesn't matter what my past is. Your past does not drive your life any more than the wake of a boat drives the boat. It is up to us and it is a choice, it is a decision, a direct decision that each of us get to make every single moment of our day.

Mick Spiers: 14:04

I'm loving this metaphor that you used here, dynah, that are you an extra in someone else's life and someone else's story, or are you the star of your own story? I think that's really powerful and that's a good one for everyone listening to this show right now to think about, and I love this kind of dichotomy of a life by design versus a life by default. So those that are listening to this show right now stop and reflect for a moment and think are you living a life by your own design or are you just going about life and living life by default and allowing others to hold the pen? Then I've got a question to ask you, dynah. If someone has now listened to that question and they've gone oh yeah, I am living by default. I am just living by what others tell me to do, expect me to do my own interpretation of societal expectations. How does someone get started? How does someone go from? Okay, I've had enough of that, I wanna grab hold of the pen. How do they get started?

Dianna Kokoszka: 15:03

Oh, it's a great question. I think we start by saying who do I want to be? And then what do I want to do and what do I want to have Eventually, what do I want to give? And I kind of refrained that from a lot of the ways people talk, Mick, A lot of people say, well, no, it's about having. If I have what somebody has, then I can do what they do and then I can be like them. Other people, well, they say, well, if I do what other people do, I can have what they have and then I can be like them. And you and I both know that you've gotta be at first before you can do it. And then, once you do it, then you can have it. And the more you have, the more you're able to give back to other people. And that's going from success to significance.

Dianna Kokoszka: 15:51

Again, one thing that came to mind as you were speaking was just this thing of how many people actually know what they want. People wanna learn, everybody wants to learn, yet do they implement what they learn? I learned in research 95% of the people desire to have more, do more and be more. Only 5% of the people actually do something about it. So when you talk about picking up the pen, we can talk about it. Yet that decision how many people will make that decision today to say, pick up the pen, write out who I want to be, write out what I want to do, write out what I wanna have, and then be intentional about implementing things that will allow you to get that?

Mick Spiers: 16:38

Okay. So, starting with thinking about who you wanna be and I wanna make a delineation here, because you said a lot of people know what they want to have, but who do you wanna be, who do you wanna become? I think that's really powerful there as we start, and I've got this visualization that's coming into my mind, dianna, about then, once you know who you wanna become, you can then almost do if you're a movie scriptwriter, you can start doing the description of the character, the description of the avatar.

Dianna Kokoszka: 17:09

Ooh, that's so good.

Mick Spiers: 17:10

I'm the kind of person who does this. I'm the kind of person who doesn't do this, and this is where things like values and beliefs start coming through. I'm the kind of person that puts their family first. I'm the kind of person who wakes up early in the morning and starts the day fresh. I'm the kind of person who now to talk about, well, what you're talking about who grabs the pen and is action-oriented and is intentional. So if you start telling these stories about your character, you will become that character. How does that sit with you?

Dianna Kokoszka: 17:39

First of all, I get very passionate about what you're talking about because the way our brain works is you have a thought and it travels from one neuron to another neuron by way of an axon. Now I don't want to get into dendrites, synopsis, all of that stuff. It's too technical. Yet I can tell you it's like the path across the grass when you keep taking the same path, you automatically know it wears the grass away and a rut can actually form. Well, that's the same way with our thoughts. The more we have a thought, neuroscience says nerve cells that fire together wire together. So here this rut is in our brain Also tells us nerve cells that no longer fire together, no longer wire together, which means grass can grow back in that area and we can form another pathway.

Dianna Kokoszka: 18:30

The words you use were so fabulous. You said I am. Those are the two most powerful words in the English language. Whatever follows those is who our brain actually helps us become. I am a person who adds value to others. I am a person that intentionally designs my life. I am a person that picks up the pen every day.

Dianna Kokoszka: 18:56

Well, your brain is called the reticular activating system. If you want to know it, it literally is there to make certain that whatever we say comes about. It literally helps us find what we ask for. So if we say, oh, I'll never amount to anything, it says your wish is my command, let's make sure that happens. And if you say I am a person of value, I am a person that adds value to others, your brain starts looking. This reticular activating system is like one of those things that they find coins on the beach that they scan over and it goes. You know, when you hit something that's a metal and it goes, look at that. Look at that. There's something you can add value to and off you go. You would have never noticed it if you had not trained your brain by saying I am a person that adds value. So I totally believe in what you said. I would love to see more people do affirmations that are very positive, like you're doing.

Mick Spiers: 19:59

I'm going to say you can apply it in all kinds of aspects of your life as well. Dianna, we'll come back to some of this. We've kind of touched on health and fitness a little bit, so we'll keep the metaphor going a little bit.

Dianna Kokoszka: 20:10

Yeah.

Mick Spiers: 20:10

Okay, as an example, instead of going on a diet, telling yourself I am the kind of person who makes smarter choices when I go to a restaurant and takes that healthier option versus I am the person who eats McDonald's or doesn't make smarter choices, Right, All of these things can then manifest themselves into your actions. If you tell yourself, because if you say I am the kind of person that makes smart choices and then you don't, well then you're being incongruent and you're almost self correct yourself. I am really good at reading. I am really good at. If you tell you that self these things, they almost become a pathway that you will follow. How does that sit with you?

Dianna Kokoszka: 20:49

It sits very well. I think there's a lot of self fulfilling prophecies because, first of all, when we make up a story, we make it up, we choose what the story is going to be and then we start to gather evidence to support the story, because we all want to look good and be right and the more evidence that we attract to us to support that story, the more the story comes about. If you want to change your result, you change the story. So that self fulfilling prophecy.

Dianna Kokoszka: 21:18

Here's an analogy I loved when you brought up the restaurant, Mick, because if I went to a restaurant and I said I think I'll have a hamburger, and they go, okay, and you go, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, I think I'll have the steak. Okay, how would you like your steak? Oh, gosh, no, I better have a salad. Well, they'll probably say why don't I give you a few minutes and I'll be back.

Dianna Kokoszka: 21:40

Okay, that's kind of like our lie. Do we know what we want? Are we asking for a lot of things? The second part of the restaurant is if I said I'd like to have a hamburger with no bun, no cheese, what am I going to get? I'm not going to get a steak. So when you say I am a certain thing, well, that's what you're going to get, because that's what you're asking for. You put in that this world to me is like a big kitchen. We just put our order in every single day and then some people put in an order and expect something else to show up, like ordering a hamburger and expecting a steak. It doesn't work, so my brain started going in another direction, so I'll let you handle this.

Mick Spiers: 22:25

That was really good. What I loved there was about the evidence. You start looking for evidence that supports your hypothesis and to me, that's like getting confirmation bias to work for you instead of against you. So confirmation bias is very powerful, but do you want it to work for you or do you want it to work against you? Really powerful, dana. I want to come back to that word fear. You spoke about fear of failure. You spoke about fear of success, and we often hear that limiting beliefs kill more dreams than failure ever did. But it's this fear that's holding us back. If there's someone listening in this audience and they're now going, yeah, I am scared. Whether they know it or not, fear is holding them back. How do we address those fears? How do we unsurface them or how do we bring them to consciousness and how do we address these fears?

Dianna Kokoszka: 23:14

That's such a great thing because I think a lot of people in the world today they do have fear of various things, and safety is a great big I mean it's big. It's on Maslow's hierarchy of needs, right. Safety comes before a lot of other things, provisions number one. Yet this fear, the limiting beliefs that hold us back in my estimation it's kind of like our thoughts are they build cages around our life. The bars are the thoughts that we have and the cage is that comfort zone, and stepping outside that comfort zone is where fear comes in. Oh, we're feeling very secure in our little cage and sometimes we invite other people into our cage and they console us and everything's wonderful. But it's not wonderful because everything we desire in life is outside our comfort zone. We have uphill dreams with downhill habits and we don't understand why we're not accomplishing those dreams. It's that fear.

Dianna Kokoszka: 24:13

And I know that they say fill the fear and do it anyway. Well, that's easier said than done. Let's face it. It's challenging to sometimes go through those fears. Yet by taking one little step, no matter how miniscule it is, it's going to help us, because then we're one step closer and then we take another step and another step, and I think sometimes we've been told so many times and we've been corrected so many times in our life we're afraid to make a mistake, and yet every top producer, everyone that has been able to gain a lot in their life, whether it be in sports or business or even being a mom or dad, you make mistakes. The best ones make more mistakes, and so I think, once again, changing the way we look at fear, changing like I said about the seasons, about challenges being opportunities, crisis being opportunities If we change the way we look at that fear and say this is an opportunity for me to grow, what can I do today to just into a little bit into that danger zone or fearful zone, and then, once I do that, can I just edge a little bit more into it tomorrow and, each and every day, just keep edging into it?

Dianna Kokoszka: 25:36

More importantly, though, Mick, we've got to give ourselves credit and actually have gratitude for the fact that we did inch into that danger zone, and if you have a friend, you can tell about it. That will cheer you on and empower you to do more. That's all the better If you don't just journal. Today I made headway. I did this when I didn't want to do it Because, let's face it, life is simple. It's just not easy, right.

Mick Spiers: 26:01

So, I've got four things that are racing through my brain as you talk there, Dianna, and I'm hearing reframing fear, reframing failure. I'm hearing awareness and I'm hearing growth. That would be the things that I'm hearing here and I'm going to say the other one was self-compassion, self-compassion along the way, so reframing fear about things like you know. So, what is the worst thing that could happen and what's the opportunity I'm missing out on by not acting?

Mick Spiers: 26:30

For example, Reframing failure as our greatest teacher and go well, here's an opportunity for me to learn something. Yeah, I'm going to try this and if it doesn't work, I can laugh it off and go. You know what I learned something about that? And it's the ones, the successful ones. You said something along the lines the most successful actually fail even more. It's because they're failing and they're learning along the way, which is where the growth comes. And it's that awareness. It's not you're not on autopilot here. You're taking steps and they might be small steps, but it's that awareness that the fear exists, the courage to take steps anyway, but it's awareness. It's not just diving into the deep end of the pool and shrugging your shoulders. It's a conscious, intentional action and then the self-compassion that it exists and give yourself some time and let it work with you. How does that sit with you, Dianna?

Dianna Kokoszka: 27:20

First of all, you did a great job of reframing everything that I've said. You said it so eloquently. One thing that came to mind about fear as you were speaking was a lot of people have fear because they want to control things. And, let's face it, when you want to control and you're out of control, fear sets in. So one thing that I did when I was coaching someone well, actually, there's two things. One had to write down everything that she could not control in her life that was causing all this fear and anxiety, and then I told her to set the timer on the clock and say 10 minutes. I want you to do nothing except for just worry yourself silly about all those things that you were fearful of. And when the timer goes off, you can do one of two things you can burn it, that paper, or you can rip it up, and you can do this every single day until that list starts going down, because what you're going to see is you really don't have control over it. You'll never have control over it, and once you accept that reframe that, your life will get better. Sometimes they need to write it out.

Dianna Kokoszka: 28:28

The second thing is how do we speak? What do we talk about Like this. One gal was saying, oh, I'm worried about this, I'm fearful about that, and I said what would we? Let's not talk that way. Let's say I'm working on this and I'm working on that and just by reframing the words from I'm worried about to I'm working on, makes us start thinking. Then she started going into I'm frustrated. Well, so then I changed frustrated the fascinated, because frustrated shuts the brain down. We can't even think. We're just so focused on what we're frustrated on. We can't think or be creative about anything else. Where we say I'm fascinated about how to make that work, all of a sudden the creativity turns on and we start thinking of ways to work through that fear. I hope that helps somebody. Just hear it a little bit different.

Mick Spiers: 29:24

That's a good one for everyone to think about today, and I'm picking up two channels here. I'm picking up a temporal element, and you said something very interesting earlier in the podcast about you can't change the past. And now when I hear you talk about anxiety people being worried about something that hasn't even happened yet so the first thing that was jumping into my mind is that no amount of regret can change the past, but no amount of anxiety can change your future. That was the first thing I was thinking about. So stop thinking about the past so much, stop being worried about things that haven't even happened yet this anxiety element.

Mick Spiers: 30:01

And then there's this element of control what can you control and what can't you control, being able to let go of those things that are out of your control, because no amount of worry about that is going to change it anyway and then being intentional about the things that you can control, which then led us to this reframing again. And, instead of thinking about what you can't do, think about what you can do. What can you do from where you are, with what you have? What actions can you take today that are in your control? And stop worrying about the things that you can't control. How does that all sit with you, tonya?

Dianna Kokoszka: 30:34

Well, first of all, I understand why so many people listen to your podcast.

Dianna Kokoszka: 30:38

You're very good at making certain to pick out those little things as someone speaks that will help the audience to add value to them.

Dianna Kokoszka: 30:48

And when we first started speaking and you said that we had the same goal we both wanted to add value to others. That's what you're doing right now, Mick. You're taking all the things in the various directions. I'm going and pulling them all back together in things very succinctly that the people can write those down, that they can choose today which one they desire to implement, because they can't implement at all Yet when they have just one thing and then go to the next thing. And the next thing because today we're just stretching their mind, and you already know that a mind stretched will never go back to the same size, and that was one of our goals today is just to help people think a little bit differently so their life can be better. So, yes, I agree with everything you're saying, and I think everyone should be listening to your podcast, not just because I'm on it, because of the way that you're able to take whoever's on the call, because I've listened to some and you do a great job.

Mick Spiers: 31:50

Well, thank you for the compliment, diane. I'm very humbled by those words. Listen to the words that you use. Those they can choose. You said they can choose what they apply for what we discussed today. Who's holding the pen? They are.

Mick Spiers: 32:02

If you're listening to the show right now, you are holding the pen of your life. You can choose which of these many nuggets of cold that Dianna is bringing to the table today. You can choose which one you're going to go and apply today. Which one has impacted you most in terms of the things. Where are you going to start? You're going to start with addressing some of the fears that are holding you back. Are you going to start thinking about living life by design instead of by default? Are you going to grab hold of that pen and start writing your own narrative? Are you going to start living by? You know, I am the type of person who you can choose. I think that's almost a perfect bringing to life of the very concept that you're talking about, Dianna, that you use those words. You can choose. That was really powerful.

Dianna Kokoszka: 32:41

Yeah, you just made me think of you. Either grow within or you go without. Those words came to me because you're talking about helping people grow, but they've got to grow within. You'll never change the environment until you change yourself. So pick up the pen. I love it.

Mick Spiers: 32:58

Yeah, all right, brilliant. Now I want to pick something from the subtitle of your book. This one really got me curious, Dianna. So, you can't get to better until you get to different. What does different mean to you?

Dianna Kokoszka: 33:11

Different means that, well, if you keep doing the same thing, as Einstein says, you'll keep getting the same results. So different just means that we're tweaking something in our life, whether it be the way we speak, the way we think, our beliefs, our values, our emotions, something has to change and the only thing that we must do is to go through that gateway of different. Now, in my book I talk about blockbuster, radio, shack, Sears. What do they all have in common? Well, they don't exist. And why don't they exist? I mean, blockbuster had the ability to purchase Netflix. They didn't want to change, they wanted to remain the same. And who knows why? Maybe it was a psychological defense that made them feel comfortable in that comfort zone.

Dianna Kokoszka: 33:59

I don't know, I'll never know. Yet what was it that stopped them from being different? What was it that stopped them from being who they were to become more? And so it reminded me of our life. Are you willing to go through that gateway of different to become more? Otherwise, your life is never going to get better. It's going to actually regress, because you're either moving forward or you're moving backwards. It's like being on a treadmill you can't stand still and make it right. You're going backwards because the life is moving forward, and today we're teaching people a lot of things. They're going to learn that. The question is are they just so addicted to learning, yet allergic to implementation? Because they can listen to this over and over again? I really want them to hear that until they implement something that they've heard today, they're not going to change, it's not going to be different. And so please, just walk through that gate of different so you can become more, so you can become the person that you were meant to be, that potentiality that lives inside of you.

Mick Spiers: 35:09

I love it. So if we want to become more, we have to do something different. We can't just keep on going on autopilot. We can't just keep on going on life by default, as you call it. So there's a call to action for everyone in the audience today. What are you going to do today? That is different. What are you going to do this week? That is different. What are you going to do this month? That is different.

Mick Spiers: 35:28

It could be even down to little micro moments as a leader, going into your next meeting with your team and go right, I'm going to intentionally go in with a curious mindset and I'm going to give my team a good damn. Listening to that might be different to what you've been doing in the past, and if you want to improve, if you want to progress, you've got to take intentional action to be different. Being different can be just a little 1% changes every day, but they can pound a huge change over a month, over a quarter, over a year, over five years. Making little 1% changes of being different and growing every day will see you become more and if you don't, the opposite happens you become less, you go backwards. Absolutely love this, dino.

Mick Spiers: 36:10

This has been an amazing conversation with many wonderful takeaways for our audience. There's so many actionable insights that people can stop and reflect and rethink. But more than think, take action on, go and deliberately become the architect of your own life. Grab hold of that pen. Live a life by design, not by default. Thank you so much, dino. This has been just really amazing for me. I've loved it and knew the audience was as well. I'm going to take us now to our rapid round. So, these are the same four questions that we ask all of our audience. So, the first one is what's the one thing you know now that you wish you knew when you were 20?

Dianna Kokoszka: 36:48

Relationships matter. Build relationships, make them strong, Be intentional about them. Keep in touch with people and know that well someone that you're over today could be your boss tomorrow. Make everyone with respect. Yeah, I think it's more about relationships, Mick.

Mick Spiers: 37:08

Yeah, I love it, dino, that's beautiful. What's your favorite book?

Dianna Kokoszka: 37:12

Well, generally, it's the one I'm currently reading, and when I heard that what's your favorite book, my staff said well, I hope it's yours. Becoming more right, kevin knows I've done a lot of research on it. No, I really like the 16 Undeniable Laws of Communication by Dr John C Maxwell. It's a great book. I also like his Everyone Communicates Few Connect. So I just have so many favorite books and, of course, because of my faith, the Bible is a good one too. Lots of leadership lessons in that one, that's for sure.

Mick Spiers: 37:47

Yeah, john C Maxwell is a great example. You've only got I think it's 84 books to book from for him. I think he's up to 84.

Dianna Kokoszka: 37:53

Yeah, only a few. Only a few For this.

Mick Spiers: 37:56

Nuggets of gold in every one of them. So yeah, really good. What's your favorite quote?

Dianna Kokoszka: 38:00

I like the one, work harder on yourself than you do on your job, because I believe that you grow into opportunity. You don't go into opportunity, kind of like a plant. When you plant something in a pot, pretty soon I mean you water it. Oh, by the way, it has fertilizer on it, helps it grow right Like our lives, and then, of course, it gets bigger. It has to be repotted. Well, our life is no different. So when we work on ourselves, the opportunity just keeps coming after us.

Mick Spiers: 38:31

Yeah, I love it, Dianna. And finally, there's going to be people listening to this show that are completely enthralled. They may be having that moment, that aha moment of, yeah, I am living a life by default and no, I don't want to do that. I want to grab hold of the pen. I want to live a life by design. How do they find you if they would like to know more about you, your book, your work? How did they get in contact with you?

Dianna Kokoszka: 38:56

On this book. They can go to becomingmorebook. com. It actually has an assessment, a free assessment they can take on their mindset, because our mindset is subconscious. Right Attitude is conscious, Mindset is subconscious, and our conscious mind is our goal setter. Our unconscious mind is our goal getter. The two have to be lined up in order to make goals. So, they can find out about the book becomingmorebook. com, Take the assessment, get a free chapter, start learning the roadmap and the step-by-step actions you can take to actually allow your life to become more than you ever thought it would.

Mick Spiers: 39:38

Wonderful. Thank you so much, Dianna. We'll put your links to everything in the show notes as well, so that people can find it as well. Thank you again for your time today. I feel richer from having our conversation. It was absolutely wonderful for me, and I know the audience will be richer as well. Thank you so much.

Dianna Kokoszka: 39:54

Well, thank you and thanks to the audience. Much gratitude for everything, see ya.