256. From Me to We: The Power of Inclusive Leadership with Mick Spiers

The difference between going fast and going far lies at the heart of this powerful exploration of inclusive leadership language. Drawing from Kyle McDowell's transformative work in "Begin With We," we unpack how a simple shift from "me-centered" to "we-centered" language fundamentally reshapes organizational culture and leadership effectiveness.

Language isn't merely semantic—it's biochemical. Research from Judith Glazer shows that our word choices literally change brain chemistry, either triggering defensive responses or opening pathways to trust and collaboration. Those seemingly innocent phrases like "actually, that's a good idea" or "obviously this is the right approach" might carry unintended condescending undertones that silently erode trust. When leaders shift to genuinely inclusive language, they create environments where people feel valued—and as we discover, "when people feel like they matter, they do things that matter."

Values statements gain extraordinary power when they begin with "we"—transforming from corporate platitudes into invitations for collective ownership. "We do the right thing" and "We challenge each other to be better" create simultaneous inclusion and accountability. But the real cultural test comes during stress and uncertainty: do team members default to your stated values or revert to self-protection? As Tim McClure warns, "The greatest fear of any organization should be when their most passionate people become quiet." Your culture isn't defined by wall plaques but by daily habits—what you celebrate, reward, and tolerate establishes what truly matters.

Ready to transform your leadership through the power of language? Subscribe to The Leadership Project and join us next time as we welcome Britt Hogue to discuss humanizing strategy and the collective good. Together, let's learn how our words become actions, our actions become habits, and our habits shape the cultures we lead.

Chapters

• 0:27 The African Proverb's Wisdom
• 1:05 Welcome to The Leadership Project
• 2:05 The Power of Inclusive Language
• 3:32 Language Traps to Avoid
• 5:47 Values Beginning With "We"
• 8:28 Building a Culture Beyond Wall Plaques
• 11:00 Call to Action and Next Episode

Transcript

Mick Spiers: 0:01

If you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far, go together. This African proverb has stood the test of time for a reason. It reminds us that success isn't just about speed or individual brilliance, it's about unity shared purpose and collective strength, and that's exactly what stood out in my recent conversation with Kyle McDowell, the best selling author of begin with we, his message wasn't just about leadership, it was about language, more specifically, the transformational power of moving from me to we. Welcome back to The Leadership Project. I'm your host, Mick Spiers, and today we're unpacking the exceptional takeaways from our conversation with Kyle McDowell, the best selling author of begin with, we, you've all heard of start with, why the famous work from Simon Sinek, and that's very powerful. Kyle builds with that on this journey of begin with we, his book illustrates the transformation he made as a leader when he realized that he needed to transform from a me leader to a we leader, and the powerful impact it had on his people when he transformed the values of the company to all start with we statements. We do the right thing, we lead by example, we challenge each other to be better. And today I'm going to unpack my takeaways from Kyle and add a few of my own. So let's get into it. Let's talk about the power of inclusive language. At first glance, that shift might sound semantic, a play on words, but when we look deeper, we realize it's much more than that. Language shapes how people feel and how people feel shapes how they behave. Everyone, regardless of their role or title, wants to feel like they're part of something bigger than themselves. They want to feel seen, they want to feel heard, they want to feel valued, and they want to feel like they matter. And here's the thing, when people feel like they matter, they do things that matter. This is where the power of inclusive language comes in. Carl's leadership philosophy doesn't begin with control or compliance. It begins with connection. It begins with we. So let's unpack some of the science behind these words, and it comes from the work of the late great Judith Glaser and her research on conversational intelligence. Judith taught us that language literally changes the chemistry of the brain. Certain words can trigger threat responses like fear, defensiveness or withdrawal, while other words open up the brain to trust, collaboration and co creation. So think about it, when a leader says something like, actually, that's a really good idea. What's the possible hidden message there on the surface? It might sound positive, but that word actually often carries surprise or even can sound condescending. It can be heard by the other person as actually, that's a really good idea. I'm just surprised that it came from you. So what started off as a positive intent ends up learning very badly. The same thing can happen with words like obviously. When someone says, obviously this is the right path. They may intend to sound clear, but to others, it can land as if you don't already know this, you're not very smart. Here are a few other language traps, with all due respect, often means the exact opposite, and you know that something not nice is about to come out of the person's mouth. You misunderstood me, shuts down curiosity and learning and puts the blame on the other person. It could have been you that was the one that didn't articulate yourself with clarity, and yet you sounds like you're blaming the other person for not understanding what you said. Also, words like calm down rarely help someone calm down. In fact, it can have the exact opposite effect where they go. Don't tell me to calm down, and they get even more riled up. There's more and more of these. The power of the words like don't worry, if you're saying to someone, don't worry, it can end up in a multitude of different directions. Firstly, they might go, Well, I wasn't worried. Should I be worried? And you're starting to put worry there where there was no worry. Or they might interpret that as quite condescending. This is not for you to worry about. The. Adults have got it, so we need to be more intentional with our selection of words. These are small word choices, but they carry massive consequences for connection, trust and culture. Instead, what if we choose words that signal openness, curiosity, belonging? What if we built a we culture, not a me culture, and we used we instead of I. We used we instead of me. And remember that famous quote from Teddy Roosevelt that people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. And a we culture is a caring culture, one where you do take the time, where you show that you're interested in other people's ideas. So have a think about your selection of language, and don't go on autopilot. Be more deliberate in the choice of words that you use. Signal openness, signal curiosity, signal belonging, use we use words like, Tell me more. That's really interesting. Show curiosity, show interest, show belonging. Which leads me now to values. And one of the powerful things from Kyle was about the way that he reframed the values of his organization, using, begin with we. But what was even more important was Carl doesn't just talk about values. He lives them. Here's what makes his approach so powerful. He brings every value with the word we we do the right thing, we lead by example. We challenge each other to be better. These aren't just nice phrases, though. They're invitations, invitations for everyone in the organization to take ownership, to step into a shared standard, to live the culture together. When you start a value with we, you immediately create a sense of belonging and accountability at the same time. It's not just the leader's job anymore. It's everyone's we language builds inclusion. We language builds ownership, and we language builds shared responsibility. And that, my friends, is where real leadership begins. So you can imagine, we do the right thing. We lead by example. We challenge each other to be better. These are all statements that everyone can hold themselves to account for, but they can also hold each other to account for. So imagine you're in a meeting and someone is having a decision that needs to be made. You can challenge it. You can challenge them against the values and say, Okay, how does this sit against our value of we do the right thing, and you can live the value where we challenge each other to be better. So these are livable values that everyone takes ownership of and everyone takes accountability for. And this is where culture comes in. Culture is built in the daily habits. Let's tie this into the culture. This we culture. Your culture is not the words on the office wall plaque. It's not your posters in the break room. It's not even your values slide in your onboarding deck. Your culture is built in the small moments. It's built in the behaviors you celebrate, the actions you reward, and any poor behaviors that you're willing to tolerate. Let me say that again, you get the culture and behaviors you celebrate reward and tolerate, if your team celebrates collaboration, rewards integrity and refuses to tolerate gossip, blame or finger pointing, then that becomes your culture. If you tolerate toxic behaviors because the person gets results, then that becomes your culture too. And here's the real kicker, your culture isn't what you say it is. It's what others feel it to be it's the emotional experience of working in your team, being in your presence, being led by you. It's what people do when you're not in the room. It becomes the default behavior your team falls back on, especially in times of stress or uncertainty. So ask yourself that question, in those times, will they default to your stated values, or will they revert to self protection, fear or silence? That's the test of culture, and that's the test of your leadership. So your culture is built in all of the little actions, where your actions are congruent with the values that you've stated. When your actions are congruent with your values, you build trust and you build a great culture, a culture that you'll be proud of when your actions or the actions of others around you are incongruent with those values, it erodes trust and it creates a culture of self protection, fear or even silence, and as. Tim McClure famously says the greatest fear of any organization should be when their most passionate people become quiet. So if you want a speak up culture, you need to celebrate and reward every time someone speaks up. You need to not tolerate behaviors that ruin that speak up culture. So here's a final reflection for you and your call to action. I'll leave this with you today. What kind of culture are your words creating? What kind of culture are your actions creating? And are your actions and words congruent? Are you using language that builds trust, that invites others in, that creates a sense of shared purpose and belonging? Or are you unintentionally creating separation silos or shame? As leaders, we must be intentional with our words, because our words become our actions, our actions become our habits, and our habits shape our culture. Let's shift from using me to using we. Let's lead by example. Let's do the right thing and let's challenge each other to be better, because if we want to go far, we need to go together. That's it for today's episode. In the next episode, I'm going to be joined by Britt Hogue. Britt is the principal at the collective good, a strategist and a collective impact leader, and we're going to be discussing humanizing strategy and the collective good. Thank you for listening to The Leadership Project mickspiers.com a huge call out to Faris Sedek for his video editing of all of our video content and to all of the team at TLP. Joan Gozon, Gerald Calibo and my amazing wife Sei Spiers, I could not do this show without you. Don't forget to subscribe to The Leadership Project YouTube channel where we bring you interesting videos each and every week, and you can follow us on social, particularly on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram. Now in the meantime, please do take care, look out for each other and join us on this journey as we learn together and lead together.