329. Leadership is Sense-Making: Helping People Adapt, Care, and Connect with Mick Spiers

Two people can face the same change and walk away with totally different stories: one feels opportunity, the other feels threat. That gap is where leadership lives. We step back and synthesize three conversations into a simple but demanding framework for modern leadership: Adapt, Care, Connect and the deeper idea underneath it all that leadership is helping people make sense of their world. 

We talk about adaptive leadership as your context shifts: startup to scale up, stability to disruption, expert teams to developing teams. Instead of replaying the style that made you successful last year, we explore how to create the kind of environment where people can learn through experience, scrape their knees, and build judgment while still being protected from real danger. The question that keeps coming back is simple: what does this person need from me right now? 

We also dig into caring leadership and why well being and performance are inseparable. We unpack self care, crew care, and red zone care, plus the small, everyday moments that build psychological safety and trust. Then we turn to change leadership and the crucial distinction between communication and conversation. Emails, decks, and town halls may broadcast the plan, but dialogue helps people work through what the change means for their identity, status, certainty, and belonging. 

If you want practical prompts you can use this week and a challenge to create one real conversation where meaning gets made, hit play. Subscribe, share with a leader who is navigating change, and leave a review so more people can find the show.

Transcript

Mick Spiers: 0:01

Have you ever noticed that two people can experience the exact same change in completely different ways? One person sees opportunity, another sees threat. One person feels energized, another feels anxious, uncertain, or even invisible. And have you ever wondered why the same leadership style that works beautifully in one situation can completely fail in another. This month on The Leadership Project, I had three conversations that on the surface could have been seen as three quite different topics. And today is a solo cast where we bring the synthesis of all three of those conversations together to help it make sense. Hey everyone, and welcome back to The Leadership Project. Today is a solo cast where we bring together all of the guests that we've had on the show this month and look for synthesis. What were the common threads? What were the things that help us make sense of the world, and how can we put those things into action? This month we had Mike Krupit, Graeme Cowan, and Huw Thomas return to the show. With Mike, we explored how adaptive leadership, organizational growth, founder mindset, and the challenge of knowing when to step in and when to step back can influence your leadership. With Graeme Cowan, we explored caring leadership, mental health, resilience, psychological safety, and what it really means to create teams where people can thrive. And with Huw Thomas returning to the show for a second time, we explored organizational change, dialog, agency, resistance, and why communication is not the same as conversation, so three very different conversations, three different lenses, but as I sat with these interviews, something became increasingly clear to me. Leadership is not just about making decisions, it's not about setting direction, it's not just about communicating the plan. Leadership is helping people make sense of their world, and that may be one of the most important insights that's emerging from a project that we're doing here at The Leadership Project. At the moment, we're pulling together a body of knowledge, we're analyzing hundreds of conversations with leaders, thinkers, authors, psychologists, researchers, and practitioners from all around the world. The more we study these conversations, the more we study leadership, the more obvious it becomes that leadership is not simply a collection of tools, tactics, frameworks, or techniques. Leadership is a deeply human practice, and human beings are not machines. We do not simply receive information, process it rationally, and then respond in a predictable way. We are not deterministic. We interpret interpret, we feel, we protect, we belong, we make meaning, and we respond not only to what is happening but to what we think it means. That is where leadership becomes so important Let's start with Mike Krupit. One of the most powerful reminders from Mike's episode is that leadership has to evolve as because when people are facing growth, pressure, uncertainty, context evolves, the way you lead a startup is not necessarily the way you lead a scale up, the way you lead in change, ambiguity, or emotional strain, they are not just asking stability is not necessarily the way you lead in disruption, the way you lead. Lead a team of experts is not necessarily the what is happening, they are asking deeper questions. What way you lead a team that is still developing its confidence, capability, and maturity. This may sound obvious when it's said does this mean for me? Am I safe? Do I still matter? Do I out loud, but in practice, many leaders fall into the trap of repeating the leadership behaviors that made them belong here? Am I capable of succeeding in this new reality? successful in the past, they think this worked before, so I'll keep doing it. But leadership is contextual. What Do I have any control? Can I trust the people leading me, and worked yesterday may not be what is needed tomorrow. A founder who was once close to every decision may need to learn how perhaps most importantly, do they see me, do they hear me, do to let go. A technical expert who was promoted into leadership may need to realize that their job is no longer to be the they value me? These questions were sitting underneath all smartest person in the room. A senior leader who once needed to be hands on may need to create space for others to step forward. three conversations this month. This all reminded me of one of my leadership philosophies, and that is the idea that leaders need to create an environment where people can scrape their knees but not get hit by a bus. This is a useful image, because growth requires experience. People do not build judgment by being protected from every mistake, they build judgment by making decisions, feeling the consequences, reflecting, learning, and trying again. But leadership still matters. We don't abandon people, we don't not let them walk blindly into danger. We create boundaries, we create clarity, we create support, we allow learning without allowing catastrophe. That is situational and adaptive leadership, and it requires us to keep asking, What does this person need from me right now? Do they need direction? Do they need coaching? Do they need autonomy? Do they need protection? Do they need challenge? Do they need reassurance? Do they need me to step in or do they need me to step back, and this connects beautifully to the broader work that we're doing on The Leadership Project body of work. One of the patterns that keeps emerging is that leadership is not about finding one perfect model and applying it everywhere, it's about reading the moment, it's about understanding the human beings in front of you. It's about knowing that the same action can help one person grow and make another person feel abandoned. The same level of autonomy can feel empowering to one person and terrifying to another. The same challenge can feel motivating to one person and overwhelming to another. This is why leadership cannot be reduced to a script. It requires presence, it requires judgment, it requires humility, and it requires the willingness to adapt, so from Mike Krupit, the first word of the month is adapt, adapt to the stage, adapt to the context, adapt to the person, adapt to the moment. Then came my conversation with Graeme Cowan. And Graeme brought us to the next essential dimension of leadership, care. Now I want to be very clear about something. Caring leadership is not soft leadership. Caring leadership is not about lowering standards, it is not about avoiding accountability. It is not about wrapping people in cotton wool. Caring leadership is about creating the conditions where people can sustainably do their best work, and that word sustainably matters, because a team can perform under fear for a short period of time, a team can push through exhaustion for a short period of time. A team can survive poor leadership, unclear expectations, or constant pressure for a short period of time, but it's not sustainable. Eventually, people burn out, they disconnect, they withdraw, they stop contributing ideas, they stop telling the truth, and they do the minimum required to survive, or they leave. Graeme's work reminds us that well-being and performance are not separate conversations, they are deeply connected. If people are emotionally depleted, psychologically unsafe, disconnected from each other, or struggling in silence, performance will suffer, maybe not immediately, but eventually. One of the most important ideas from Graeme's work is the progression from self-care to crew care to red zone care. Self-care comes first. That is not selfish, that's responsible as leaders. Our mood is contagious, our stress is contagious, our calm is contagious, our presence is contagious. If we are constantly overwhelmed, reactive, distracted, or emotionally depleted, that energy ripples into the team around us. People notice, they may not say anything, but they notice, they notice whether we are present, they notice whether we are listening, they notice whether we are short-tempered. They notice whether it is safe to raise a concern. They notice whether we care. Then comes crew care, the rituals, the habits, and everyday behaviors that create human connection, not forced fun, not tokenistic wellbeing posters, real connection, knowing people, checking in, creating psychological safety, making it normal to talk about highlights, hardships, and heroes, making it normal to notice each other, and then there is red zone care, the ability to notice when someone may be struggling, and to respond with compassion, curiosity, and appropriate support. Again, this does not mean we have to all become psychologists, but it does mean leaders need to become more observant, more human, more willing to ask, more willing to listen, more willing to act when something seems different. This is another strong pattern emerging in the body of work. Great leadership often happens in small moments. The conversation after the meeting, the question asked with genuine care, the pause before reacting, the moment where someone feels safe enough to say, actually I'm not doing that well. The moment where a leader notices the person, not just the performance, and this connects to something we have reflected on many times, that people need to feel seen, heard, and valued. But this month I think that idea deepened, because it's not just that people want to feel seen, heard, and valued in a general sense. They need to feel seen, heard, and valued when their world becomes harder to make sense of, when expectations shift, when their role changes, when uncertainty increases, when their confidence drops, when they are carrying more than others realize, that is when leadership matters most. So, from Graeme Cowan, the second word of the month is care, care for yourself, care for your crew, care enough to notice, care enough to ask, care enough to create an environment where people can thrive, not merely survive. Then came Huw Thomas, and Huw brought us to the third world for this month. Connect, this was Huw's second visit to the show, and in many ways it built beautifully on the first conversation. In his first conversation, we explored change at the individual level. What happens inside a human being when change arrives? Why does change feel threatening? Why do people resist when the rational case seems obvious? This time we went to the organizational level, and the central lesson was clear: change. Change does not happen through announcements. Change does not happen because we sent an email. Change does not happen because we held a town hall. Change does not happen because we published the slide deck. Those things may be necessary, but they are not sufficient, because communication is not the same as conversation. This is such an important leadership distinction. Many leaders think they have led change because they have explained the change, they've explained the strategy, they've explained the business case, they've explained the timeline, they've explained the benefits, and then they've become frustrated when people do not immediately come on the journey, but people are not simply resisting the information, they are responding to what the change means for them. A change can threaten certainty, it can threaten control, it can threaten competence, it can threaten comfort, it can threaten status, it can threaten identity, and when those things are threatened, people do not respond to spreadsheets, they respond as human beings. This brings me to Jonathan Haidt's work in "The Righteous Mind" which has been influencing some of my thinking lately. One of Haidt's great reminders is that human beings are not purely rational creatures who calmly reason their way to conclusions. Our intuitions often come first, and our reason usually comes second. We feel before we explain, we sense before we justify, we protect our identity, our group, our belonging, and our moral foundations. And then we often use reason to defend the conclusion we have already been drawn towards. Now, how do we apply that to organizational change? A leader might think they are presenting a rational business case, but the person listening may be having a completely different internal experience. Will I still have a role? Will I still be good at my job? Will I lose influence here? Will I lose the relationships I value? Will I be judged if I cannot adapt quickly enough? Is this another change being done to me rather than with me? That is why communication is not always the answer. Sometimes more communication simply means more broadcasting, more slides, more FAQs, more emails, more noise. What people often need is not more information, they need better sense making, they need conversation, they need dialog, they need leaders who are willing to listen to the human experience underneath the resistance, and this is where Huw's message becomes so powerful. The goal is not to eliminate emotion from change. The goal is to create spaces where emotions can be named, understood, and worked with. When someone says, I'm worried about this. We do not need to jump straight to reassurance when someone says this does not make sense. We do not need to immediately defend the strategy when someone is frustrated, quiet, resistant or disengaged. We do not need to label them as negative. What we need to do is get curious. What are they protecting? What might they be losing? What have they not yet been able to make sense of? What conversation have we failed to create? This is where the three episodes come together. Mike Krupit reminded us to adapt, Graeme Cowan reminded us to care, and Huw reminded us to connect, adapt, care, connect. That is a simple phrase, but it is not simplistic, because each word requires discipline and intentionality. To adapt, we need humility. We need to accept that our default leadership style may not be what this moment requires. Things to care, we need presence. We need to notice the human being behind the task, the target, the role, or the behavior. To connect, we need courage. We need to move beyond broadcasting and create real conversations where people can make sense of what is happening, and underneath all three is the deeper theme. Leadership is helping people make sense of their world. When an organization grows, people need help making sense of what that growth means to them. When a team is under pressure, people need help making sense of how to sustain performance without sacrificing well-being. When change arrives, people need help making sense of what is being lost, what is being gained, and how can they find agency in the future that is emerging. This also reflects something that is involving in our work on The Leadership Project body of work. We are not just building a library of leadership tips, we are not simply collecting frameworks, we are starting to see a leadership operating system emerge, and at the center of that system is a very human proposition. Leadership is the conscious practice of creating the conditions where people feel seen, heard, valued, and capable of doing work that matters. But I would now add something to that leadership is also the conscious practice of helping people make meaning together, because people do not commit deeply to things they cannot make sense of. They do not bring their best selves to environments where they feel unseen. They do not take healthy risks when they feel unsafe, they do not embrace change when they feel powerless, and they do not perform sustainably when they are depleted. They do not grow when leaders either rescue them from every challenge or abandon them in the name of employ empowerment, so what do we do with all this? Let me offer three practical calls to action. First, ask yourself, what does this moment require for me, not what is my preferred style, not work what worked last time, not what do I normally do. Does this moment require? Does it require clarity? Does it require patience, challenge, king? care, does it require a difficult conversation? Does it require me to step in, or does it require me to step back? That is situational and adaptive leadership at the heart, second, ask yourself, Who needs me to notice them this week, not who needs another task update, not who needs more performance pressure, who needs to be noticed, who's gone quiet in your team, who seems different, who is carrying more than they are saying, who might need a real check in, not just a casual how are you as you rush between meetings, that is the caring leadership question. Third, ask yourself, Where have I communicated but not yet created conversation. This is the change leadership question. Where have people heard the message, but not had the chance to make meaning? Where have we assumed agreement where there is only silence? Where have we labeled people as resistant when they may simply be uncertain, fearful, or protecting something important? And here is the practical challenge I would leave with this week. Choose one situation in your leadership world where people may be struggling to make sense of what is happening might be change, new expectation, team tension, a person who is under pressure, might even be yourself. Then create one conversation, not a. Broadcast, not a lecture, not a slide deck, a conversation. Ask, what does this mean for you? What feels clear, and what still feels uncertain? What are you concerned about losing? What support would help you move forward? What do you need from me right now? And then listen, really listen, not to correct, not to defend, not to win, listen to understand the meaning they are making, because when people feel seen, heard, and valued, they are more likely to engage. When people can make sense of what is happening, they are more likely to find agency. And when leaders adapt, care, and connect, they create the conditions where people can move forward with greater confidence, courage, and trust. That is the leadership challenge of our time, not simply to manage performance, not simply to implement change, not simply to communicate strategy. But to understand the human experience of work to understand what people are thinking, feeling, protecting, fearing, hoping, and becoming, because leadership is not a formula, it's not a title, it's not a mechanical set of steps, leadership is a human practice. And at its best, leadership helps people make sense of their world, finding their place in it, and contribute to something that matters. So, this week, remember, adapt to the moment, care for the people, and connect through conversation, keep creating those environments where people feel seen, heard, valued, and capable of doing work that matters. Until next time, keep leading with purpose, and remember, leadership is not about the title you hold, it's about the positive difference you make in the lives of others. You've been listening to The Leadership Project. If today sparked an insight, don't keep it to yourself, share it with one other person who would benefit from listening to the show. A huge thank you to Gerald Calibo for his tireless work editing every episode, and to my amazing wife Sei, who does all the heavy lifting in the background to make this show possible. None of this happens without them. Around here, we believe leadership is a practice, not a position that people should feel seen, heard, valued, and that they matter. That the best leaders trade ego for empathy, certainty for curiosity, and control for trust. If that resonates with you, please subscribe on YouTube and on your favorite podcast app. And if you want more, follow me on LinkedIn and explore our archives for conversations that move you from knowing to doing. Until next time, lead with curiosity, courage, and care.