Parenting with Autism: Kim van Helen on Surviving, Self-Regulation, and Why Parents Need Support Too

In this episode of the Make It Happen by Being You Podcast, I'm joined by Kim van Helen, holistic life coach, women's circle facilitator, and autism parent guidance coach. Kim received her son's autism diagnosis when he was five years old, and spent years in survival mode before she even realised that's what was happening. Today, she helps other parents (especially mothers) find emotional balance, develop self-awareness, and navigate the unique challenges of raising a neurodivergent child with confidence and compassion.

This is a conversation that will speak directly to any parent who has been so focused on their child that they have quietly forgotten about themselves. 

Kim talks about what autism actually is, how it shows up differently in every person, why parents of autistic children are operating under a level of stress equivalent to a combat soldier (without the downtime), and what practical tools can help. She also shares her broader work: conscious networking events, women's circles using shadow and belief work, and her plans to bring autism awareness into English-speaking schools on the Costa del Sol.

Kim shares from a place of warmth, grounding and deeply honesty.

What We Cover in This Episode

• Kim's three businesses: The Aligned Network Circle, Van Helen Healing and her new autism parent guidance coaching
• What autism actually is and why no two people on the spectrum are the same (including the brain scan explanation that genuinely changes how you see it)
• Why Kim believes she herself may be on the spectrum, and what that realisation meant for her
• The two sides of parenting an autistic child: caring for your child and (often forgotten) caring for yourself
• The research showing that parents of neurodivergent children are living in a level of stress comparable to someone in active combat, without any downtime
• Practical techniques Kim used with her own son, including silent presence during meltdowns and visual daily schedules
• The difference between a meltdown and a tantrum (and why this matters)
• How Kim communicated with her son's school, including the notebook system that made a real difference
• Overcoming self-doubt when building multiple businesses and why mentorship changed everything
• Her women's circles, shadow work, and why she describes the things we hide from ourselves as "gold nuggets"
• The Netflix documentary Stutz (Jonah Hill and his therapist Dr Stutz) that deepened her understanding of her own work

About Kim van Helen

Kim van Helen is a holistic life coach, women's circle facilitator, and autism parent guidance coach based on the Costa del Sol. She is the founder of Helen Healing and The Aligned Network Circle, a conscious networking community for entrepreneurs. As an autism parent guidance coach, Kim helps parents of neurodivergent children find emotional balance and practical tools to navigate their journey with more confidence and less overwhelm. She is also a co-author in development and plans to bring autism awareness workshops to English-speaking schools across the Costa del Sol in 2026.

Connect with Kim:

• Facebook: Van Helen Healing / Parenting with Autism Self-Development Circle
• Website: vanhe

Transcript

Ali Meehan 0:03

Welcome to Make It Happen by Being You Podcast. My name is Annie Meehan and I host conversations with women who've made it happen in business or in life. Today I'm talking to Kim Van Hann about autism. Hi Kim! Lovely to see you. Good to see you too. How are you? I'm doing wonderful, thank you. Good. So for people who haven't met Kim yet, please introduce yourself.

Kim van Helen 0:49

Oh, hello everyone. My name is Kim van Helen and I'm currently owner of two businesses and I'm starting a third. Under the name The Aligned Network Circle, I host networking events for conscious entrepreneurs, where I love to provide a little bit more than just networking. I invite guest speakers to not only inspire you, but also to work on your self-development and insights on how to grow your business. May the 23rd, we're actually hosting a network experience day where you get inspired by three guest speakers. And Sonia Ingreseli, I hope I say her name right. It did. We probably all know from Costa Women Conference is actually one of them. And if you want to be able to network in a relaxing way, we even preside three uh experiences like breath work, five rhythm dance, and meditation. So you can even receive a lovely vegan Indian lunch. And if you love to network, relax, and get inspired, I invite you to join us. Under the umbrella of Helen Healing, I organize women's circles where I combine coaching techniques with spiritual practices. And I also provide meditation experiences in combination with the energetic tool, the e-harmonizers. And I offer holistic life coaching. And my new business is um as an autism parent guidance coach, where I'm very passionate about helping parents and women to find emotional balance, developing self-awareness, and navigating the unique challenges of autism with confidence and compassion. Amazing. So you're a very busy woman. I'm currently very busy. I'm in the process of thinking what can I let go of?

Ali Meehan 2:33

Okay.

Kim van Helen 2:33

Yeah. But I love everything I do, so I still find it difficult to let go of something.

Ali Meehan 2:39

Yeah. Makes it a challenge. So let's start by one of those businesses, which is the one where you're an autism parent guidance coach. Can we demystify autism? What is it exactly and how does it show up in parents or children? Because it's not just children that are finding out they're autistic, is it now? Um adults are finding out they're autistic too.

Kim van Helen 3:02

I actually, when I found my niche as an autism parent guidance coach, I started to read more about what the well, what the news is about autism right now, because I learned a lot about it when I received the diagnosis of my son when he was five. So I was very much into everything that came out, any news I was reading it, any books. So I'm starting to re-educate myself a little bit more on what is coming out now, what is new. Um, and autism, uh, I even found out because I'm reading about it right now that I probably am on the spectrum too. You wouldn't say it if you start talking with me, but if I look back in my childhood, a lot of things kind of like ticked the box. Um and autism is um it's your brain that is functioning in a different way than it is for a neurotypical person. And if you see, for example, two brain scans of people, one without autism, one with autism, you see that the brain of the person without autism is pretty regulated. It's just a brain cell with a stem, with a few spikes on it. But if you see that of a person with this what has autism, then it's the cell, the stem, and then a lot of spikes. And those spikes even have spikes. So that is just a picture of the brain. It also means that every level of autism in every person is different. It's not like, oh, that person has autism and he's exactly has the same struggles or the same, what do you call it, behavioral patterns as someone else. It's different for every person. You have non-verbal, you have verbal, you have people that are very close, you have people that are social but need a lot of time to de-energize and to balance themselves after a social environment. So it's very difficult to debunk it. It's there's so much yet to learn, and so much we already know.

Ali Meehan 5:12

Yeah, yeah. I think a lot of things they put under the autism banner, don't they? But it sounds like there's a lot um in within that word of um what it actually is. Yeah.

Kim van Helen 5:26

Yeah. It is if you want to give it in one sentence, it is a person and its brain functions different than of a neurotypical person. Okay. So there are so many levels. You have people that are high functioning, that are working day to day that you never notice, and then you have persons that are on the lower end of the spectrum, which are non-verbal, not able to take care of themselves. Um, it can be like completely opposites.

Ali Meehan 5:58

Yeah. Very interesting. For parents, what would they face if their child was autistic? Especially maybe if they didn't know.

Kim van Helen 6:09

No, um, well, there's two sides to autism. One is you're doing everything you can to help your child to risk so that your child has a life that it can live a good life, that it can regulate itself. Um, and on the other hand, there's the parent that doesn't take care of themselves because it's 24-7 that you're taking care of another person, which is a person that is not able to take care of themselves, especially in a younger age. And a lot of parents seem to forget about themselves completely, especially mostly moms. I don't want to be negative about that, but it's mostly moms that are taking over the role of taking care of the children. Um, and I recently saw a research about the brain function of a parent. And it seems that parents that are raising children that are on the autism spectrum or neurodivergent, but ADHD can also be quite heavy or involving in your life. Um the brain is so much in fight, flies, or freeze mode uh and in survival mode, and they say it is equal to a person that is fighting in a war. But persons that are fighting in a war have downtime. So they fight and then they go back to their camp and they relax and they regulate themselves. But a person that is taking care and parent that is taking care of a child that is on the spectrum don't have that downtime. They are there in it for 24-7. So it's very important for parents to notice this and to regulate themselves on a day-to-day base, and that is where I come in. I would love to learn and educate parents in how to regulate themselves instead of being 24-7 on and taking care of your child. It's not that you're no longer taking care of it, but you also have to take care of yourself.

Ali Meehan 8:11

Yeah, yeah, that's so true. And you obviously learned some coping skills when your son was diagnosed. So tell us a bit about what you did when you found out your son had autism.

Kim van Helen 8:24

Well, I wasn't aware of all the tools and ticks and techniques I am aware of now. I educated myself as a business coach. I went to, or a business coach, I'm sorry, I was educated by a business coach on coaching other people. And it took me some time to regulate myself because I I was actually in survival mode and I was not aware of it. So the last six years, I have been regulating myself on a day-to-day base. Um, and it for me it was kind of like an aha moment when I realized I'm helping other people to regulate themselves. I wasn't aware of the fact that I wasn't regulated. So that is, and you're not aware that your brain is in fight, flight, or freeze mode all the time. You notice it when other people start noticing things about you. Um, how you can help your child, there's so many ways you can help your child. First of all, be very clear in your message, be very loving, but clear in your message. Um, and always be like the rock they can lean on. And I mean that, like physically be the rock. If your child maybe has a meltdown, and that is something else than a tantrum. But when your child is in a meltdown, there it's overwhelmed, there's too many stimuli coming in, and they are not able to process that. So they get in a meltdown, which is it can be screaming, it can be crying, it can be completely silenced very much inner into their own world, not communicating anymore. And what you can do when your child is in overwhelm is sit next to them. Don't say a word because you overstimulate your child, but just sit there, and when it's calm, explain for the next time. Every time I sit next to you, I'm here for you, and you can lean on me, you can crawl on top of me, you can hug me. Whatever you need at that time, I'm available for you, and that is very healthy for to do for the younger children. That is just one technique I used. Uh, and I explained to other parents how to use that, but there's so many to explain.

Ali Meehan 10:42

Yeah, yeah. But it's good that you found something that worked for you and for your son at the time. Yeah, yeah.

Kim van Helen 10:48

We had several techniques. One is, for example, um make the day visual. Uh, people that are on the spectrum love to have an insight on what the day is gonna bring. They they like to have control, and we know we don't have control over our life, but if you're on the spectrum, control is a way of saying, okay, I'm safe, I'm okay. So I made like a ski, a schedule for him, and then with pictures, what will happen on a day? So if he went to school, daycare, uh, what happens after daycare. So I make pictures for him so he could see what would happen, like the big things that what would happen in a day. And they gave him some kind of visual control about what is going on. The downside is if something happens in that day that is not in the schedule, then there's a small chance of panic or overwhelm. So you also have to educate your teachers, the teachers of your child, how to help them when there's something new coming on that is completely new and they were not aware of.

Ali Meehan 11:59

Are there many schools that help you if your child is autistic?

Kim van Helen 12:05

Well, my son was high functioning, so in the Netherlands he went to regular school. Um and we found out he was on the spectrum when he was five. And then we had a few talks, good conversations with the school, and of course, with uh, yeah, it's kind of like a support system that is governmentally based, um, called Gegreset. It's Dutch. Um, and they kind of coached us on how to handle your child or how to educate your child or how to parent your child when it's on the spectrum. Um, and those talks with the school, I continue talking with especially the teacher that he was um much in contact with. Um, and we even had a little notebook. So we wrote in uh whatever he was feeling the day before or the day after. So the teacher would be would notice okay, he's in a fear state of mind, or he's in a very calm state of mind. So she could kind of shadow or mirror his emotions. And yeah, schools don't have special programs, most of them don't. Um, and I'm kind of like that. Is my next step in my business. I would love to educate teachers in schools here at Costa da Sol, the English speaking uh schools, um, to learn how to be a teacher to a child that is neurodivergent. It is a little bit different than being a teacher to a neurotypical person.

Ali Meehan 13:41

Yeah, so it's an amazing project.

Kim van Helen 13:44

Yeah, it's raising awareness mostly.

Ali Meehan 13:47

Yeah. So you mentioned you have multiple businesses at the moment. Do you have any business roadblocks apart from maybe choosing which business to release?

Kim van Helen 14:00

One of my biggest challenges when I started uh my own businesses was overcoming self-doubt, um, balancing my personal life with building my business and finding my niche. And I overcame this by investing in my own personal development and health and seeking mentorship, creating a clear step-by-step plan, and embracing my vulnerability and trusting my intuition, which also played a key role in moving forward.

Ali Meehan 14:30

That sounds very wise advice to anybody who's launching a business or having a business wherever they are in the world.

Kim van Helen 14:37

Yeah, and if you're building your own business, it's never it. I think it's a very good point to seek out mentorship. Go and find yourself a mentor or a coach that can help you in this process because then you feel like you're being held, you're being uh held accountable, accountability, is how you call it? Yep, yeah, accountable there, and you're also being heard, so you you don't feel you have to do it all alone, which gave me a very calming feeling within me. Like, okay, I don't have to do this all alone. There's someone out there that already did it, they can coach me through it.

Ali Meehan 15:14

Yeah. Cool. Do you have a business role model then who made it happen for you in business and why? And it may be your mentor.

Kim van Helen 15:24

Yeah, I was about to say I have many role models like Tony Robbins and Dr. Stutz, because they're all about authenticity, resilience, and they have the ability to inspire others to embrace their vulnerability and growth. Um, but I also love to measure my business coach, Rachel Burns. Um, her teaching showed me that my embracing my true self and giving myself time to build my heart-let business, that I'm capable of so much more, more than I could ever imagine. So, like I said before, if someone is there to support you, it it's a bit easier. For me, it was at least.

Ali Meehan 16:06

Yes, yeah, no, I think it's a lot easier because you've got someone with a helicopter view of what's going on rather than a personal view of what's happening.

Kim van Helen 16:16

Yeah, it's always helpful if someone is looking at it from the sidelines. You don't always see the things that are holding you back, but another person can see it clearly.

Ali Meehan 16:26

Yeah. We're living in a world which now is called it's they're saying it's having a trust recession. What does your work do to alleviate that?

Kim van Helen 16:40

Um, like I said, I do life coaching, autism parent guidance coach, but I also host women's circles. And during those circles, I help women to kind of embrace themselves fully. A lot of women are mostly living in their mind, and they're not aware of the fact that they also have a beautiful body with a heart and everything that is connected in there. Uh, so I always look at it in a holistic approach. And during those circles, I go into shadow work or belief work so that you explore your shadow side. So the little sides that you try to hide from yourself mostly, uh, those are the things, the patterns and the behaviors you're not very keen on. But those patterns and behaviors, once you know about them, you can implement them and you can then let them go. So if anything is holding you back, which is mostly patterns from our past or beliefs from our past, if you know them, then you're aware of it, and then you can change your mind. You can tell your mind, okay, I know it's there, but I don't have to choose this. And that is what I help women in my circles to kind of find those legal nuggets because I call them gold nuggets, and then to implement them and then change your mindset around it so you can move forward again.

Ali Meehan 18:06

Yeah. Cool. Have you read a business book which has made a difference to your life and why?

Kim van Helen 18:14

Um, I also read a lot of books, especially before I go to bed, it kind of calms my mind. Um, but I love to mention a documentary on Netflix. Is that also okay? Yeah, that's fine. The Netflix documentary is called Stutz, and it is filmed by Jonah Hill, and he talks with his therapist, Dr. Stutz. And if you love to learn more about how your brain works and how you can improve yourself, I'd love to advise you to watch it. For me, it gave me a different perspective of what I already teach. It brought more depth into my teachings, and it even explained how I was able to find my niche. Okay, interesting. And is it is it a Dutch program or no? Dr. Stooch is actually uh I think it's an American. Okay. Yeah, and Jonah Hill is a comedian. He uses yeah, he films comedies mostly.

Ali Meehan 19:11

We'll we'll find it and we'll put it in the show notes. What's your superpower?

Kim van Helen 19:17

Um, I wasn't aware of it much, uh, but I had a circle, and one of the women came to me after the circle, um and she said, uh, you gifted me uh unconditional love. You radiate it and you share it during your circle, and you also create a judgmental free space where anything shared is accepted without criticism. Uh, another client of me told me that I give out a mom vibe, and I was like, what? But she meant it gave her the security and comfort to allow herself to open up and to get in contact with her true self. Um, she said every time I'm in your circle, or she even had a few coaching sessions of my one-on-one, she said, I cry, and I never cry. What is it about you? And that is because I'm giving people my attention, my full attention, and I never judge. I don't need to. You judge yourself way too much already. So why should I judge you also?

Ali Meehan 20:24

Yeah, it's uh it's sad that in today's society we have to have those people in our lives, isn't it? Because we we don't feel that love and that um acceptance from other people.

Kim van Helen 20:35

So no, but we society kind of I find that society changes us in a negative way mostly. We all see like the role models that are usually actually models that are a size, they call it zero two, I believe, in America. Um, here in Europe it's probably a size 34, 36. The whole system, like news, everything is about this is how you're supposed to look, this is how you're supposed to behave, this is the suit we want you to fit in. And if you don't fit in that suit, you feel negative about yourself. Even if you fit in that suit, you feel negative about yourself because you're always women, especially, are criticizing so much, and it's so unnecessary. Once you learn how to accept who you are and that your uniqueness is something to be celebrated, then you have a completely different view on the world, yeah, and you probably stop watching the news like I did. It doesn't bring much happiness, does it? It doesn't make negativity. So, like, why should I watch anything that makes me sad?

Ali Meehan 21:41

Yeah, so it's it's it's not not bad to make you happy, is it? Um, what's something you will achieve before the end of this year, 2026?

Kim van Helen 21:50

Uh, I aim to expand my coaching programs so I can reach more parents and women globally, which is mostly online. And I'm going to continue. To guide women during circles, as I love it, and it's very powerful work. And I would love to share my knowledge on autism at English-speaking schools at the Costa del Sol during workshop or speeches. And this is not only to help parents but also teachers and students. I think the world will be a much greater place if we all just learn to accept all humans for the beautiful beings that they are and with their own uniqueness and quirks without the suits I was talking about before.

Ali Meehan 22:30

So if anybody's got any contacts, do get in touch with Kim to pass those over. What would an older Kim say to a younger you? That's a big one.

Kim van Helen 22:42

A lot. Believe in your uniqueness, in your journey. Do not change yourself to fit in, which I did for many years, but embrace your uniqueness. Trust your intuition and remember that your challenges are just stepping stones to your greater strengths.

Ali Meehan 23:05

Very wise advice. How can the listeners best connect with you? Do you have a favorite social media platform or somewhere that they can connect with you?

Kim van Helen 23:14

Yeah, my favorite social media platform is Facebook, and you can find me under Van Helen Healing or Parenting with Autism Self-Development Circle. That is a community for parents that have children that are on the spectrum. And I have my website, vanhelenhealing.com.

Ali Meehan 23:33

Perfect, good. Well, thank you, Kim, for joining me today and sharing your insights into autism and being a parent of an autistic child. And we look forward to catching up with you very soon. Well, thank you for having me, and I'd love this talk.

Kim van Helen 23:47

Good.