Dispatch Ajax! Podcast
A Geek Culture Podcast - Two life-long Geeks explain, critique and poke fun at the major pillars of Geek Culture for your listening pleasure.
Dispatch Ajax! Podcast
Classic: Jesus in India
What if Jesus moonlighted as a globetrotting rock star during his "lost years?" Buckle up for a hilarious odyssey through history and imagination as we stitch together tales of Jesus' rumored adventures in places like Japan and India, with a touch of musical flair.
Imagine Jesus, or Issa as he's sometimes called, strumming a guitar on the Silk Road, earning the moniker "six-string savior" in a mythical band of holy rollers. We playfully reimagine Jesus' journey from boyhood to spiritual rockstar, studying under Buddha's tutelage in India, and perhaps even jamming with Siddha yogis. The mysterious "Scrolls of Isa," possibly hidden away in Tibetan monasteries, spark our curiosity about the intriguing intersections of mythology and reality, all wrapped in comedic banter and whimsical musings.
Our playful exploration doesn't stop there. We ponder connections between Christian and Eastern traditions, speculating on cultural exchanges and shared spiritual practices that may have shaped religious history. Could Jesus' miraculous deeds be linked to yogic powers, or are they simply tales spun from cultural encounters? With a nod to pop culture icons like Spider-Man and the Beatles, we humorously contemplate Jesus' potential influences and inspirations. As we sign off with a cheeky farewell, we remind our listeners to support their local comic shops and prepare for whatever adventures await in future episodes.
What happens in TJ stays in TJ.
Speaker 2:It's JC and TJ Gentlemen let's broaden our minds. Are they in the proper approach pattern for today? Negative.
Speaker 1:All the weapons.
Speaker 2:Now Charge the lightning field Beew Lasers, gentle lasers, jesus lasers. They fire those at the Jesus lizard.
Speaker 1:Laser those numbnuts for.
Speaker 2:Christ. New gay whales for Jesus, somebody's?
Speaker 1:got to.
Speaker 2:We'll step up to the plate. Boomer's dropped the ball, so Indeed.
Speaker 1:Oh, welcome back to Dispatch Ajax this is Jake.
Speaker 2:Oh, this is jake.
Speaker 1:That's our show it is our show, not yours.
Speaker 2:Ours get down, get off the couch. Who said you could be?
Speaker 1:up there it's our show reaching for our podcast get down nose out of there.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna roll up. Of there, I'm going to roll up a newspaper that's not for you. I'm going to roll up a newspaper as soon as I can find out where to get one.
Speaker 1:I'm going to hit you with this iPad.
Speaker 2:Say it like that I abstractly hit you with Apple News.
Speaker 1:Did you feel that, did you?
Speaker 2:like that, I'm going to'm posting your comments.
Speaker 1:Magic missile right there, right at your forehead, coming at you like a magic missile, right at your forehead.
Speaker 2:This better not be dirty. It's Christmas time, it's Jesus. Oh it is dirty.
Speaker 1:Yeah, christ is coming, crucified, oh, oh, he's coming. This is again part of our Christ mass, serious, mass, mass hallucinations of Christ. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's oh no, I got, I got, uh christ mass transit how about that?
Speaker 2:what's the transit part? Oh, because you're traveling around the world, because it's going all these places.
Speaker 1:Okay. Okay, I can follow that one. All right, it's, I mean it. You know, I just came up with it. It's not the best, but it's something smash, yeah, dismiss, ajax, I got nothing.
Speaker 2:No, you were right.
Speaker 1:All right, let's uh or uh or or our latest edition of, uh, the cross files. It's like the x files, but you, just, you just turn it slightly slightly, uh, or it's um christmas mass effect, the giddy, the video game so what about?
Speaker 2:Jesus. Is this the one where Jesus is banging aliens? Ladies and gentlemen, our first live guest, jesus Christ, his Lord and Savior, come on out. Oh wait, he didn't show up. He said he'd be here. Well, actually.
Speaker 1:I looked at our footprints and he was there the whole time. No, he was carrying our podcast. Well, he didn't do a. He said oh well, actually I looked at his the our footprints and he was there.
Speaker 2:No, he's carrying our podcast.
Speaker 1:Well, didn't do a very good job yeah, use a little bit of your magic on us, man. Yeah, jesus, what's the deal? What's the deal with jesus? Huh that's.
Speaker 2:I ask myself that question every morning.
Speaker 1:If only Jesus had used some of his mudras on us.
Speaker 2:Hey Jesus, what's the 411? What's the haps? What's the dillio? J-man, j-town.
Speaker 1:Okay, anyway.
Speaker 2:Yowza, jehovah Yowza.
Speaker 1:Jehovah. So recently we saw, or heard about rather, jesus traveling to Japan, his wacky adventures, wacky adventures in Japan with his brother.
Speaker 2:And the.
Speaker 1:Bad News Bears were there His wife and three daughters and his mound of dirt and that was turned into a movie called.
Speaker 2:Mr Baseball, mr Baseball.
Speaker 1:Jesus had that mustache famously. I thought Mr Baseball was the Tom Selleck. Are you sure that's not the like, not.
Speaker 2:Cedric the Entertainer? No, that's Mr 3000. Where?
Speaker 1:he comes back to get his 3000. Bernie.
Speaker 2:Williams right Bernie Mac. Bernie Mac Bernie Williams was actually a baseball player.
Speaker 1:Bernie Williams does sound like a baseball player. Yeah, he played for the Yankees. That sounds like a guy that plays for the Yankees too, by the way, bernie Williams.
Speaker 2:Mac Williams. Yeah, Bernie Mac Williams. Cedric the.
Speaker 1:Mac, he also played for the Yankees.
Speaker 2:Oh no he wrote that song Return of the Mac. I thought no, mac the Knife. Oh yeah, he was that McDonald's pitch man Back in the 80s Throwing knives at birds. Uh, huh, yeah, that's why he was discontinued. He was cancelled for that very reason. Throwing knives at birds, uh-huh, yeah, that's why he was discontinued. He was cancelled for that very reason.
Speaker 1:Man are we? Are we alright? I don't know.
Speaker 2:This is the earliest we ever record? I don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we're going to have more Christmastime Jesus adventures, and this time Jesus has decided to travel not to Japan, but to India. As we know, there's a time in Jesus' life where he Before Sigourney Weaver, long before the great weavering we missed this tale of Jesus. There's a time when Jesus wasn't around, and only for it's called history.
Speaker 2:Most of history there's no Jesus. You know, it really wasn't that long. It seems so epic, but really it's just a blip on the radar, a speck of sand in the great mandala of history.
Speaker 1:But in only four of the 89 chapters of the Gospels the early life of Jesus is spoken about. That's Matthew and Luke. They describe Jesus' life prior to his ministry. Young Jesus' adventures.
Speaker 2:The adventures of young Jesus. And then they do that thing where it's like half of them when he's like six and then half of them when he's like 19, you know, like young Indiana Jones. Oh yeah, but what happened in those years? You don't see? Yeah, exactly what happened to the really awkward years?
Speaker 1:We're going to find out about Jesus's. As per Matthew, jesus's family fled Egypt when he was an infant and then returned to Nazareth after the death of Herod. In 4 BCE, luke records that Jesus was 12 years old. Joseph and Mary had gone to Jerusalem for the Passover feast. While returning back to Nazareth, they realized that Jesus was 12 years old. Joseph and Mary had gone to Jerusalem for the Passover feast. While returning back to Nazareth, they realized that Jesus was not with them. They went back to Jerusalem looking for him and found him quote sitting in the midst of the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. All who heard him were astounded at his understanding and his answers Wait, so he got home alone.
Speaker 2:He got home alone, jesus.
Speaker 1:I made God disappear.
Speaker 2:No, that was Nietzsche that said that. And Nietzsche said God was home alone. They got all the way to that Nazareth concert and realized they didn't have Jesus with them. Jesus, how do you not? It's a kid, how do you not know you have him? It's not like that van full of kids where they just count heads. And that pesky neighbor kid was there accidentally, moses Lazarus.
Speaker 1:Who's that shoveling snow? Oh, that's Pontius Pilate. Oh, don't go near him. So that's the last we hear about Jesus' childhood. The next time he appears in the Gospels, he is already 30 years old when he travels from Galilee to Jordan to be baptized in the river by John. But what happened in those lost years of Jesus? Because a single line sums it up and Jesus advanced in wisdom and age and favor before God and man. Now, possibly, he traveled toapan and lived his life out, had a wife and three kids, and his weird brother died on the cross, and then he took his ear and a lock of his mother's hair and went to japan and made a necklace great teacher, or maybe something else.
Speaker 2:Happened all together I just pictured like christian bale from american psycho fucking in the mirror. You know, like that's what he was doing the whole time. Didn't he play jesus at one point? Did christian bale play jesus?
Speaker 1:he did, did he? Yeah, what I think you're thinking? Reign of fire.
Speaker 2:I think that's oh dinosaur lizards where jesus fought Matthew McConaughey yeah, england versus.
Speaker 1:America is what it was.
Speaker 2:Well, they teamed up Eventually. Yeah, that's a bizarre movie we should get to at some point.
Speaker 1:It is a strange movie. I don't hate it. A lot of people don't really love it. I think it's not too bad. So to learn about this, we will travel back to 1894, where Russian journalist Nicholas Notovich put out a book called the Unknown Life of Jesus Christ. In this book he claimed per ancient Buddhist manuscripts from a monastery in Ladakh, india, a monastery. Jesus had traveled across India and Nepal during his lost years. He learned from both Hindu and Buddhist masters and he preached to people before returning to then die on the cross.
Speaker 2:Okay, update, update, breaking news. Christian Bale played Jesus of Nazareth in 1999's TV movie Mary, mother of Jesus, mary, mother of Jesus, and then, later on in 2014, played Moses in Exodus, gods and Kings. Oh, he did play Moses. Yes, he did. And, to bring it all around, in 2018 played Bagheera in Mowgli, legend of the Jungle.
Speaker 1:Well, technically that that's tied to the short, that they didn't necessarily hear about, but we had did have a large tailspin conversation before this.
Speaker 2:Yes, we'll get to that too, or maybe you've heard this that before this, but yes, maybe you've heard the tale of the spinning. The tale shall be told. Listen up Everyone. Tale shall be told. Listen up Everyone talking about hard rain Gee.
Speaker 1:This Jesus has four wheel drive, Anti-lock brakes.
Speaker 2:We want justice. Oh, he also played, of course, john Connor, who, if is not a modern Jesus character I don't know who is Huh, I mean, know who is, huh, I mean except he's still alive. That's kind of the difference. But was he ever really alive? Oh, he was alive. He just never lived. That's fucking deep man. It's not like in American Psycho, where he played Jason Bateman. His name is Patrick Bateman. I was making a joke about Jason Bateman in the 80s.
Speaker 1:When he went to Manhattan, when he took over.
Speaker 2:No, when he replaced Michael J Fox in Teen Wolf 2. I was making a joke, I know, and I was playing along. I was yes, andy.
Speaker 1:You undersold it, so I was like Anyway so about Jesus?
Speaker 2:He also played John Rolfe in the New World Yikes.
Speaker 1:Who was he in Newsies, though? That's the real question.
Speaker 2:Bruce Wayne. It was really weird. Bruce Wayne Nespa Give Knox a grant In a movie called Rescue Don. He also played a character called Dieter Dingler. I might as well be Dirk Diggler.
Speaker 1:That's what happened to Dirk when he got shipped off to NAMM.
Speaker 2:Jack Kelly. He plays Jack Kelly in Newsies. Jack Kelly, it's a good Irish name, I guess. Yeah, in Henry V he plays Robin the luggage boy. Well, somebody had to God. He's in swing kids the year after newsies and I feel like those are related somehow but they're, they're tied to the hip wait. He plays john rolf in the new world, but he also played a character named thomas in pocahontas.
Speaker 1:We're getting into, like moses, jesus territory here so nicholas notovich was a russianborn journalist and he had a long interest in exploring the culture, customs and the history of India. He went on several expeditions. On his way to Leh L-E-H, on his way to Meh, he visited a monastery in cargill which was isolated on top of rocks up there. Now, when he was there, a llama told him about a prophet named isa issa. Isa was the name for jesus in arabic, while isa was his name in india.
Speaker 2:Well, supposedly, Is it Isa Ray? Yes, I figured Ray of God, isa Ray of Heaven.
Speaker 1:Isa Ra, the son of God.
Speaker 2:Isa Ra. No one else is going to laugh at that, but that's pretty funny.
Speaker 1:And apparently within whom the spirit of God was pretty funny and apparently within whom the spirit of God was incarnate. Quote it is he who has enlightened you, who has brought back within the pale of religion the souls of the frivolous and who has allowed each human being to distinguish between good and evil. His name and his acts are recorded in our sacred writings. So said the llama. He carries an axe, the biggest axe, and he plays it hard and fast.
Speaker 2:Or is it a guitar? Yeah, it's a guitar. He's the original buckethead.
Speaker 1:hello, he's the six-string savior, my friend.
Speaker 2:That's a t-shirt way to have it. My crown of guns and roses, it's the six-string savior in the holy rollers yeah, I felt all of them. Welcome to the jungle that was tying into Jungle Book.
Speaker 1:As most stories about Jesus do. Yeah, it's true. So Nicholas asked about these scrolls. So Nicholas asked about these scrolls and supposedly the Lama said that the scrolls contain the story of Issa. Were compiled in India and Nepal in the Pali language or Pali, pali Pali I think it's Pali, I'm not sure which is a middle Indo-Aryan language on the Indian subcontinent.
Speaker 2:And then along came Pali. It's extremely old. No, yeah, yeah, not in along came.
Speaker 1:Pali, it's extremely old. No, yeah, not in the Indus Valley. Surprise, surprise. And they were then kept in Lhasa, tibet, in monasteries. That's where these scrolls resided.
Speaker 2:They got a studio apartment they shared. Welcome back to this episode of the Scrolls. They drew a line down the middle of one side of the house is for Enoch and the other is for Job. Life with the scrolls isn't black and white. But then they meet their savior. Scrolly rollers. That's what it's called. I don't know.
Speaker 1:So, upon reaching this monastery in Ladakh, which is tucked away in a valley Some 11,000 feet above sea level, holy scrollers. That's what it's called holy scrollers, that's what it is that's what it is okay that's, that's what it was. That's the one mark it down. Notovitch asked the chief llama about isa and that isa was held in great respect by the buddhists. Not only the llamas who have read the sacred skulls know about him. The llama said among the Lama said oh, that sounds like Jesus.
Speaker 1:The Lama also said, when the Holy Child was still a boy he was taken to India where until manhood, he studied the laws of the great Buddha who dwells eternally in heaven. The Lama kind of then clamped up about it. Excited NDA, he said I've said too much, I must go. Issa's supposed to be the new Kang variant. So let Ixnay about the Issa say. So Notovitch traveled back and forth. Eventually he got the lamas to talk more about it After several quests to the chief lama, who finally sent it and produced two quote large bound volumes with leaves yellowed by time, and from there read to him about the biography of Isa, which was composed of isolated verses scattered out of sequence throughout the scrolls. Notovitch, interpreter, translated the scrolls from Tibetan which the Russian journalists then wrote and compiled into a book, the Life of Saint Isa Best of the Sons of Men, and that movie became Children of Men.
Speaker 1:This was then included into the account of a book called the Unknown Life of Jesus Christ. Now, the Life of the Saint of Isa is an incredible document, and the events leading up to the birth of Isa and Israel don't change that much from what's in the Old and New Testament. But things get a little sticky in Isa's 30th, 13th year.
Speaker 1:So this is the age when, according to Jewish custom, an Israelite should take a wife. So many rich and noble men came to the doorstep of Jesus' parents To try and marry Jesus. Exactly, they wanted to have Jesus or Isa as a son-in-law, because he was quote already famous for his edifying discourses in the name of the Almighty.
Speaker 2:But Pauly Shore objected it's the.
Speaker 1:Isa, issa, apparently Issa, though, was intent, quote, unquote, on perfecting himself in the divine word and studying the laws of the great Buddhas. So, secretly, he left his parents' house in Jerusalem. What was that? Let's take that one again. He left his house in Jerusalem, and he left towards India with a caravan of merchants. The journey would take him along the Silk Route, and by the time he reached Sindh, he was 14 years old. Isa crossed, then, the breadth of India and reached the temple of Lord Jagamth Krishna in Puri, on the eastern eastern shore, where the priest joyously welcomed him. Quote.
Speaker 1:They taught him to read and understand the Vedas, to cure by aid of prayer, to teach, to explain the holy scriptures to the people and to drive out evil spirits from the bodies of men, restoring them unto their sanity. Supposedly, he spent six years in the holy city of Puri, rajagiriya and Banaras, otherwise known as Varanasi I'm butchering all of these names, I'm sure and he was loved by all Over time. He had a fallout, though, with the Brahmin priests, who forbade Isa from preaching the Vedic doctrines to the lower caste, the Sudras, for, it was said, the Sudras were to serve in perpetuity as slaves to the upper castes. Isa would have none of it, though. He told the Brahmins quote God the father makes no difference between his children. All to him are equally dear, and he would not deprive his brethren of divine happiness, otherwise it would be as to deprive themselves. So it came to Isa that there was to be a danger, and so he then escaped to the birthplace of the Buddha at Lumbini in Nepal, near the foothills of the Himalayas.
Speaker 2:It sounds like it was named by a.
Speaker 1:Jawa. It was there he perfected himself in the Pali language, applied himself further to the study of the Buddhist sutras and in six years became a perfect expositor of the sacred writings. During this time he traveled across the land, over the Himalayan ranges where he visited Kashmir and Ladakh as well Over the hills and through the snow, because of the persistent whispers of Isa. Having taught there, some believe he visited Tibet during this time, although that's debated, unlike all of his other things. This other things Since it is doubted, since Buddhism reached Tibet only in the 7th century CE and there could be no other reason for Jesus to undertake such an extreme, arduous trek to Tibet.
Speaker 1:So after these six years, isa descended from the mountains, the plains of Rajasthan. From there he went west. He preached against idol worship, human and animal sacrifices, and he inspired men to supreme perfection by doing good to one's neighbor. Isa then also taught the pagans not to strive to see the eternal spirit with their eyes, but to endeavor to feel him in their hearts and to find purity of soul to render themselves worthy of his favors. And to find purity of soul to render themselves worthy of his favors. Esau then must have taken the silk route through Persia to return back to Israel, since the manuscript says that he ran afoul of the Magi in Persia by preaching against the worship of the sun and the fire sacrifices. Obviously Jesus was a rabble-rouser, preaching constantly against superstitions and injustices To the priestly class.
Speaker 2:In favor of other superstitions and injustices.
Speaker 1:So says the non-believer Blasphemy, something he continued to do when reaching Israel in his 29th year. And so the 16 year journey to the east, from 13 to 29, had come to a close.
Speaker 1:And then you know, what happens if Jesus happens? It stays in Vegas, as they're all preaching. So, according to Notovitch, most likely the Indian merchants witnessed the crucifixion of Jesus in Palestine and brought the story of Isa's life back to India. Who brought the story back from Palestine and then collated these stories with the ones of Issa in India, which were then kept in these monasteries Now in Rock Edict 13,? The Indian Emperor Ashoka? Who reigned from, not Ahsoka.
Speaker 1:I was gonna Okay, let's, I know, I know I was like I was gonna make the joke, hitting you off with the pass there. He reigned from 260 to 232 BC, had written that he had sent Buddhist missionaries to the kingdom of the Greeks, corroborated by the discovery of Buddhist gravestones decorated with the Dharma wheel and Trishula from the Telemach 305 BCE to 30 BCE in Alexandria. That would be in keeping with the Buddhist tradition to seek out and collect information about Isa's life in Palestine and record it for posterity. Now many also say that Nodovic's account were not improbable but not likely, and that he could have fabricated much of this. Again, the llamas are quite stingy, especially to Westerners with their records and their knowledge. But Notovitch had another key bombshell in his book. He said that he met a cardinal of the Roman church. Of course he didn't give his name. Surprise, surprise.
Speaker 2:Cardinal.
Speaker 1:Steve, hey, I'm Steve, hey, hey, jesus. Huh, forget about it, Cardinal Giulio here, supposedly this cardinal told Donovich the unknown life of Jesus Christ is no novelty to the Roman church. The Vatican library possesses 63 complete or incomplete manuscripts in various oriental languages referring to this matter, which have been brought to Rome by missionaries from India, china, egypt and Arabia. I guess what he's saying is that in the Vatican's libraries there's historical accounts that Jesus did take these treks to Asia. Now, maybe a figment of Nodovic's imagination, but supposedly there's the Indian monk called Swami Abedinanda Abedinanda.
Speaker 2:Abedinanda, i'minanda Abed did not get to work here anymore, oh God.
Speaker 1:I was literally thinking the same bit. So supposedly he was a direct disciple of Saint Ramakrishna Cool. So Abedinanda recorded the events of his journey in his Bengali travelogue, titled, we'll say, in Kashmir and Tibet, published in 1929. These come from his notes and a diary that he kept. So supposedly Abedinanda had been shown around the monastery by a lama and he asked the lama about the truth of Notovitch's claims. The lama who was showing Swamiji around took a manuscript. So he said that it was a copy and the original was in the monastery of Marbaror near Lhasa, and in the original it was written in Pali. But this was the translation into Tibet. It consisted of 14 chapters and 222 verses and with his help Swamji got part of it translated. So he translated the Tibetan manuscript into English and it aligned closely with Notovitch's account of Isis' journey.
Speaker 1:Abed-nanda added a unique detail in this account which highlights the popular appeal of Jesus amongst the common people. He wrote that on his way back to Israel, jesus quote unquote halted at a wayside pond near kabul to wash his hands and feet and rested for a while. That pond still exists. It is known as isa pond. To mark that event, every year a fair is held at the place. This is mentioned in an arabic tariq al-ajan as well and thus he used the antibacterial hand sanitizer.
Speaker 1:And to this day, we all shall have three pumps for Jesus.
Speaker 2:Well, that's a horse of a different color.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry. Can we just soak for Jesus instead? So Abedinanda's testimony is a supposed validation of Nodovic's claim. And then there's Abedinanda's disciple, swami Prajananda. Prajnananda Prajnananda I missed an A-N in there Said I heard from his own lips that Abhidhananda saw the scrolls at Hemi and he translated from them.
Speaker 1:Years afterwards he inquired, but they said the scrolls were no longer there. I also requested to see the scrolls, but there is nothing. There are no scrolls. They have been removed by whom we do not know. Yet another. It's like Mormonism, right? Yeah, this is the same thing that happened supposedly in the Japan story, where there are these mysterious documents that prove all of this, but they are speared away and no one knows where they're at anymore. So in 7475, tibetologists these two guys, I'm not even going to give their name they went to the Hemi Monastery and quote there is certainly a considerable collection of treasures locked away in a safe room known as the Dark Treasury. It is said to be open only when one treasure hands over to a successor. So supposedly this is where the scrolls of Isa are locked and hidden away.
Speaker 2:It's like Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, exactly.
Speaker 1:Then there's the story of Nicholas Roach, another Russian-born A lot of Russian Orthodox people in here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's kind of odd.
Speaker 1:But he was a Harvard-trained archaeologist and a professor at the Imperial Archaeological Institute.
Speaker 2:University of Chicago. You call this archaeology.
Speaker 1:Weren't you caught for grave robbing?
Speaker 2:That's something nobody ever talks about.
Speaker 1:He said he would take your head, or was it your hands?
Speaker 2:It belongs in a museum, so do you, isa.
Speaker 1:He went on many journeys and treks through India and he also came across the persistent murmurings about St Isa in those regions, which he recorded in multiple books. In one of his books, the Heart of Asia, he wrote In Leh. We again encountered the legend of Christ's visit to these parts. The Hindu postmaster of Leh and several Lodiki Buddhists told us that in Leh not from the bazaar there still exists a pond near which stood an old tree. Under this tree, christ preached to the people before his departure to Palestine. We also heard another legend of how Christ, when young, arrived in India with a merchant's caravan and how he continued to study the higher wisdom in the Himalayans. We heard several versions of this legend, which had spread widely throughout the Dock, sinkiang and Mongolia, but all versions agree on one point that during the time of his absence, christ was in India and Asia.
Speaker 2:I ate at Heart of Asia the other day actually, I recommend Very good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, can we get a pond of Issa for the table, please? Just to share.
Speaker 2:We're going to split the app. It's a good dip, I'll tell you. I'll take the leh salad.
Speaker 1:Soak your. It's a good dip.
Speaker 2:I'll tell you I'll take the left salad, soak your wontons in there. Oh, that's maybe racist, I don't know who can tell? Maybe jesus, I don't know white jesus especially. Uh, yeah, could we get some more white jesus just to share?
Speaker 1:I'll take a white Jesus Straight up, so there was this legend of Isa that percolated in the Himalayan kingdoms. It strongly suggests that possibly the work of Nodovic and the Swami and others were not complete fiction, but merely that he provides textual basis of these tales that have been circling for centuries Now. It has been known for some time by scholars that there are a number of overlaps between Christianity and Hindu-Buddhist ritual practices.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:We can skip over a lot of that. Also, the Nazi thing we can skip over a lot of that too.
Speaker 1:There's the rosary beads used by Christian saints, which are just like the japa mala used by Hindu and Buddhist monks. There's a holy water used by the church for priests, for baptism and blessings, similar to the sanctified water called amrita used for purification in Hindu Buddhist rituals. The use of religious icons and the worship by lighting candles and incense sticks by Orthodox Christians is similar to the Hindu mode of worship. The dress of Buddhist lamas is similar to the manner in which the apostles are painted, while the headdresses of the Dalai Lama resembles a mitra worn by the pope.
Speaker 1:A mitra worn by the pope the asceticism celibacy, prayer chanting, singing, fasting, poverty processions, relic worship and other elements of the monastic life in the church priest is similar to that of Buddhist monks. One might say that's hard to ignore those similarities. I again might say that these are. You can find similarities like this across a lot of religions that are using similar things.
Speaker 1:I don't necessarily think that they lead from one to the other, but I will provide a couple other interesting things. So there are the yoga mudras. So yoga mudras are a set of hand gestures performed during meditation which are said to direct the flow of prana otherwise known as like vital energy to different parts of the body through invisible channels called the Nadi. This helps balance the five elements that are fire, air, ether, earth and water. It is believed whenever these are in balance is when you get diseases and ailments.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, most of human society had this stuff In Europe. You had the humors. It's all kind of the same thing around the same time.
Speaker 1:Oh, 100% here. Let me share this with you so you can see. All right, In orthodox artwork you often one thing I've always have found interesting and it still applies is saints and Jesus and other figures of stop. All right. Well, hold on, you can have your moment in a second.
Speaker 2:Hey, come here. Jake was showing me these hand, hand gestures that are uh, it's from, uh, from from hinduism. What? What does that look like to you, the shocker?
Speaker 1:what so in in these old you think of old, old paintings a lot of times they have these kind of strange hand gestures Well, jesus, or the Pope, or other saints, and there are some who believe that these are actually yoga mudras that are being displayed. So these, the Prithvi mudra, which one would describe in the parlance of our times as the chakra, two in the pink, one in the stink.
Speaker 2:I call it the chakra.
Speaker 1:Oh wow, that is blasphemous.
Speaker 2:And I love it.
Speaker 1:Sacralicious. Yeah, so this one. You see this painting of Jesus, supposedly, and his thumb and his ring finger are pointed down and touching while the other fingers are extended. I just thought he was a fancy boy. Here's another picture of Jesus, where now his pinky and his ring finger are pointed down, touching his thumb, while his other two fingers are extended.
Speaker 2:And if you look at it, he punches you in the arm.
Speaker 1:Some say this is the Prana Mudra, which is also up. Then there's the Apana Mudra. One might say the too sweet from wrestling.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:The rocking on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was going to say he went to a Metallica concert or he attended the University of Texas in Austin.
Speaker 1:His middle finger and his ring finger are curled down to touch his thumb, hook him horns. It's good for the skin health. This is a picture of Pope Francis who is holding down again those two fingers, but his thumb extended this time. This is the Karana Mudra, which you also see. A picture, well, a sculpture of Buddha, his hand making warding off bad luck.
Speaker 2:Supposedly he just got the new Iron Maiden album Kick ass, fellow teens.
Speaker 1:And then we see this another picture of Jesus where his hand is turned towards his chest but his thumb and his middle finger are touching which some say are the shunni mudra. It encourages compassion, understanding and patience towards others. Very Jesus like concept. I know I thought it looked more like he's Italian and he's talking with his hands. Hey, forget about these mudras.
Speaker 2:Forget about it, then we have this Byzantine fresco it's the other shocker.
Speaker 1:All right, now doesn't this?
Speaker 2:look like James Woods. It kind of does look like James Woods. Oh my God, you're right, it does.
Speaker 1:And again a weird finger gesture. I mean honestly, of all the things you would say, these are weird finger gestures to paint if they don't have some purpose.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean they have to have some sort of significance.
Speaker 1:Then there's another one. This is a picture of Jesus in the mustard tree, where he's sitting cross-legged with his hands resting on his lap, similar to a Buddha in the lotus.
Speaker 2:Well, it's also important to point out that all of those are true, but what they're sitting on also resembles a lotus flower both of them Exactly, yeah. And his hands are in his lap, palms up, which is a sign of well, in some circles, submission, but also just sort of acceptance and openness, so that is fascinating.
Speaker 1:Indeed, here's a picture of Mary praying. This could be thought of as the Anjali Mudra, which makes us aware of the divine essence in our hearts, promotes respect for others and dispels stress and negative emotions.
Speaker 2:And it looks like a Bodhisattva there.
Speaker 1:That's interesting yeah yeah, again, just the hands together praying and the kind of what what's, at least in the western world, kind of thought of as a very christian movement interesting and this one they're just waving and this yeah, there's, here's a picture jesus. Uh, he's got a hoodie on, he's just waving it, it's Buddha.
Speaker 1:Oh no, this is St Francis of Assisi, but he also is waving. He does have the stigmata, which is cool, sup Buddha, which is also oddly similar because you have a picture of a statue of Buddha, and he also has kind of a divine prana, energy symbol, a symbol coming out of his palm, just like the opening in St Francis's thing.
Speaker 2:See, I think that's more important than people talk about, because the history, especially of the Catholic Church, is co-opting other cultures and sort of absorbing them.
Speaker 1:And if one would believe that Jesus went and experienced these other cultures, if he brought back bits of that talk to his disciples, who then slowly passed it along throughout history, and the way that the New Testament was written and codified and then cultural practices were adapted over the centuries, I don't know.
Speaker 2:It's tougher to buy into that case. They conquer them kind of like Alexander the Great did when he would have his men marry the women of the whatever culture he was conquering so that they would become part of the empire or whatever, because in reality, people were crucified by their wrists, not their hands, and so it makes more sense that they just took this and adapted it, rather than being something that Jesus would have brought back. This is a way later adaptation of the idea to mirror those that they're trying to convert. You know, yeah 100.
Speaker 1:That's interesting. Okay, yeah, do we have other ones? I mean, this is kind of like them holding up their hands, peace. There is kind of this them holding up their hands, peace. There is kind of this odd, you know, like again, you know, jesus' picture of him holding his two fingers aloft, similar to other Buddhist statues doing the same thing, supposedly this Ardha Pataka, mudra, ardha Pataka, yeah, ardha Pataka, ardha Pataka. Yes, yeah, what he said. Yeah, that sounds right. It enables people to free themselves from their nuisances, ie the undesirable elements in a person's life. This is also a mudra that is performed by deities and spiritual masters, fascinating.
Speaker 2:Like Joel Grey in. Remo Williams Like Billy Joel.
Speaker 1:In life, like Billy Joel In life, you know who consider themselves to be the inheritors of the truth faith of the church and passed it on in its purest form, maintained these original teachings and utilized these yoga mudras in their meditations and practices, both in person and in iconography. One could make that tentative connection. Most of the Byzantine icons were created from the 3rd century CE to the fall of Constantinople to the Ottoman Turks in 1453 CE. Therefore, the knowledge of the Yogamutras may have persisted within the Orthodox Church to the 15th century CE, after which it was slowly forgotten or phased out. In present day, most Christian scholars do not seem to be aware that these hand gestures are yoga mutras and instead refer to them as generic signs of blessings, which means nothing. Which means, yeah, nothing, all right.
Speaker 1:One last interesting thing I'd like to point out, though you could say that the yoga mudras. You know an art or one thing or the other, but two specific yoga mudras the Prithvi Mudra and the Prana Mudra. They appear in the largest number of icons. These are meant to strengthen and heal the body. With the Prithvi Mudra and the Pranamudra strengthens the immune system and gives the body resilience to heal itself. They activate the root chakra and promote a sense of tranquility, stability and self-assurance and oppose vaccinations. Now, these are in a lot of orthodox art. But what if? Not only did Jesus promote these, but, along with the yoga mudras, Jesus was a practitioner of yoga siddhis, which are very supernatural or magical abilities acquired by advanced yoga practitioners. Interesting.
Speaker 2:You're going the opposite of Jesus Christ scientist and going Jesus Christ magician.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, the wizard Christ, the wizard Isa. So there are supposed to be eight classical cities or magical powers that a yogi can acquire, which are called Siddha yogi, otherwise known as a perfected yogi or spiritual adept. Such people can transform the body and mind through spiritual practices and living in a pure state of God consciousness. These cities often unfold naturally along the path of self-realization, and one needs to learn from a master how to manifest and handle such powers and responsibilities.
Speaker 2:just like Spider-Man. I was going to say just like Spider-Man. Yep, there you go.
Speaker 1:So supposedly there are eight classical cities. There's Anima, which you can shrink the body size to the smallest particle.
Speaker 2:And it's very popular in Japan.
Speaker 1:Magima to make the body very heavy. That's popular in America. Lagima to make the body weightless like a feather. Propti manifest any desired object. Prokamya fulfill any desire. Isitva, lordship over the forces of nature to create or destroy. Vasitva, control over the five great elements. And Kamavasayita assume any form at will.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this kind of sounds like what different versions of kryptonite did in the 50s.
Speaker 1:Now, if someone takes the gospels of Jesus within the New Testament and applies these, what if the miracles of Jesus were him? Using the Siddha Yogi practices, so you know, he fed 5,000 men with loaves and bread. That could be mastery over the city called Prapti, manifesting whatever you desire. Jesus walked on water using Lagima, which makes the body become weightless. Jesus healed the sick and diseased people that were suffering from all kinds of ailments using the vasitva siddhi. Sorry, give me just a sec.
Speaker 2:No, jesus, now Stop reading.
Speaker 1:Tell us about Jesus. Have you heard the good news? So maybe these miracles are magic powers that he learned from yogurt practices. Interesting there also might be the final teachings of Jesus, where he shared the same kind of wisdom that can be found in the philosophy of the Vedanta. When Jesus said the kingdom of God is within you, he was relating Vedantic principle. The Atman is Brahman. Brahman is thought of, as you know, the overmind, the God entity above us all, and Atman is kind of like more like a personal self, the Trinity of the Supreme Divinity that includes Vishnu and Shiva.
Speaker 2:Oh, I was right about Vishnu. Okay, the trinity of the supreme divinity, that includes Vishnu and Shiva.
Speaker 1:Oh, I was right about Vishnu. Okay, brahma, vishnu and Shiva they are the trinity of supreme divinity in Hinduism. There you go, holy trinity Brahma, the creator, vishnu, the preserver, and Shiva the destroyer.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we might be getting a little out of our depth here.
Speaker 2:I'm over my skis here. Let's be honest.
Speaker 1:But otherwise, atman is Brahman. One might say the soul is the divine, or the soul is the essence of the creator. There's a part of the creator within you which is the soul, the Holy Spirit. Yeah, it's something that's very important to Christianity. And what if he learned this from the yogis and from the Vedas, yogi Berra, yogi Bear? A person who connects with his soul or self, his Atman, in the depths of meditation, radiates the virtues of the soul and acquires supernatural powers or cities. Jesus said truly, truly, I tell you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I am doing. He will do even greater works than he. This is why, in yoga tradition of India, jesus has always been regarded as a self-realized yogi. And so did Jesus go to India? Did Jesus learn Pali? Did he learn about practices of Buddha and read the Vedas? Did Jesus preach and become a yogic practitioner, learning both self-realization, higher forms of consciousness and even magical powers that he then brought back with him to Jerusalem and put on display for all of his followers?
Speaker 2:Yes, did Jesus have a Beatles moment? Did he watch Vedas of the Lost Ark? Vedas of the Lost Ark? Was he a David Blaine type?
Speaker 1:Honestly, we'll never truly know.
Speaker 2:No, we'll never know.
Speaker 1:But it's a fascinating tale. There's lots of connections, tenuous though they might be, but fascinating nonetheless. But this holiday season, please put your hands together and perform the namaste, the Anjali mudra, as you pray for your Lord and Savior, and think about traveling to the motherland, which might be in Leh, cleveland, ohio. That's why, whenever you want your team to win, you're praying to Jesus.
Speaker 2:That is true. That's why it's called a Hail Mary, my friend.
Speaker 1:That is most certainly the reason. So another incredible tale of the adventures of Jesus, the adventures of young Jesus.
Speaker 2:He and James Bond Jr, I'm sure, are going to team up.
Speaker 1:Whether he was Daitenku Tarujurai or Isa, or maybe just your friendly neighborhood Jesus.
Speaker 2:There's one on every block, whether he was Franchised out or not.
Speaker 1:Perhaps next time you'll hear more About the strange and amazing Tales Of Jesus on the run that was the sequel.
Speaker 2:In like 1984 it had gene wilder in it. Hear no isa speak.
Speaker 1:No one of richard pryor's best but we've hoped you've enjoyed this holiday tale for one and all. If you'd like more Jesus Times, probably don't stick around, because there won't be too many more until next holiday season?
Speaker 2:Oh, I think, because we're not long for this earth.
Speaker 1:Well, we may be struck down by lightning bolts. Oh well, anyway, it's all in God's plan. My man, if you would like more, or even if you don't don't really give a shit please like, share, subscribe do it anyway.
Speaker 2:I didn't ask for your opinion well, you did technically, but you didn't ask for their permission.
Speaker 1:I guess that's true. We'll be back with more, but until then, skip.
Speaker 2:What should they do? They should remember to pay their tabs, make sure they clean up after themselves to some sort of reasonable degree and make sure you're ready to get the fuck out of here, and don't forget to support your local comic shops and retailers. And from Dispatch Ajax we would like to say literally godspeed, fair wizards yeah nailed it, nailed it, got it in one please go away.