Welcome to another edition of the Family Business with the Alessis. I'm Steve Alessy and I'm here with Mary Alesi. And we're talking about things here that we can't talk about on Sunday, but actually today is going to be a little different, Mary. Right. Because if we were sitting in our Sunday environment, we would probably approach this subject in a way that would help people deal with what's going on in the world today. And uh this is kind of a spin-off from what we talked about in episode seven, just a couple weeks ago. We were talking about how to get back on our feet from COVID, how to get back into the flow of things. And here we are, two years of dealing with COVID. And this morning, and I'm dating this particular episode, but I think it's important that we could sense this or see this, that this morning we woke up hearing that Russia had invaded Ukraine.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_01And immediately that just created this anxiety, I know within me.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_01As I'm even last night going to bed late, checking out the news and thinking to myself, my gosh, it's gonna be a different day when we wake up, especially for those in that region.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_01So here's what comes up, you know, when you're thinking about all of this, fear just comes over us. It does. And so today I'd like us to talk about that because how do we process everything in the world going on around us? How do we process it without allowing fear to grip us to the degree that we could be paralyzed and and live in this anxiety and even cause us to do things that we wouldn't ordinarily do?
SPEAKER_03Right.
You know, so you got a great story to tell about a young lady uh when you were recently uh talking to her. Tell us a little about that.
SPEAKER_02Well, you know, in light of COVID and people getting vaccinated and others not getting vaccinated and the struggle and the fight over that, the lasting effects of this are those that got the vaccine and are glad they did, those that didn't and are glad they did, and then those that kind of wish on both sides maybe they should have, maybe they shouldn't have. So there's no real clear line as to who are the crazies here. The ones that did, the one that didn't, you know, it you just don't know. But we all are processing it post our decision very differently.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_02So I was getting my hair done, and and um she started sharing with me, the girl that was doing my hair. I I never, it was my first time meeting her, and she started sharing with me her frustrations with feeling forced to get the vaccine and doing it under pressure, doing it under duress, that really wasn't forced from messaging as much as it was fear-forced.
SPEAKER_03Right, right.
SPEAKER_02And that that really troubled her because she's realizing now that she rushed to do something being young and being very healthy, but now she regretted, did she really need to do it? Also, she did it for travel reasons, and then the countries she wanted to go to have lifted their their travel passport requirements. So she's frustrated about that. So I was quiet. You know, we I I'm not gonna share my personal view on the situation. I don't think that's our that's necessarily our platform to do that, get deep into that. But, you know, we chose to do something different for us, for us personally. And that's the that's the whole point is we should be able to make decisions for ourselves. As human beings, as citizens of this earth and citizens of America, we should be able to make decisions for ourselves. So as I'm talking to her, I'm trying to stay along those lines in my conversation with her. And then she asked me what my situation was. And when I told her, she even got more frustrated at herself because of that feeling like she was processing. I did this only out of fear. I'll say that again. Fear motivate me.
SPEAKER_01She did it why?
SPEAKER_02Only out of fear. She said, I let fear push me to do something that right now, sitting here talking to you, I would not have done. And I I just, you know, stayed quiet because I said, Well, listen, this is where you made a decision. And, you know, we could sit and have this conversation all day long, but this is where you just have to have peace. You have to trust that you made the right decision for you and for your family and move on. Because the the after effects now of any decision we make, especially one vaccine, no vaccine, I got COVID, I didn't have COVID, I'm a danger, I'm not a danger, all that hodgepodge of ridiculousness, what it does to us is something that I think we're ignoring. We're ignoring the impact that all of that uncertainty and stress is literally doing to our physical bodies, our brains, our digestive system, the way we're responding to the situation. And obviously, her reaction to fear is man, I wish I hadn't.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02You know, other people are responding to it very differently. We all respond to it based on our circumstances, our environment, and our experiences. Yeah. And so for her situation, what I said to her, because I'm not a counselor, obviously, but she kind of set me up to be in that moment. And I said, look, you just have to be at peace with the decision you made. And that's the answer. Be at peace with where you are and the decision you made, whatever it is.
SPEAKER_01Right. Well, the point there is that fear caused her
to do something that she wouldn't have ordinarily done. Right. And that's the problem with fear. That's it. Uh, they say it's either a fight or flight response. The human body will respond to something that comes at them that will create fear. And I'm laughing a little inside because I'm reminded of when we were at the farm and we saw that one of the cows had given birth and we wanted to go see the calf. Right. And so all of us go walking out there to go see the calf. And uh I we happened to start to walk a little closer to it. So I wanted to see how close she would let me get to that calf. And so y'all are about 20 yards away, and I'm walking up on it, and I must be 10 feet away at this point. And all of a sudden she turned and now she's a cow.
SPEAKER_02We did not see this coming. No, she's a cow.
SPEAKER_01She's a cow. And I'm thinking, you know, she's the same one I've given corn to.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, she eats right up your hands.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, she'll eat out of my hands. And let's just pet her. When I got 10 feet there, when she went into mama cow mode to protect her little calf, she turned and came at me, and immediately I had feet like Heinz feet. And I was jumping and I was screaming, trying to get away from that thing as quick as I can. That's how we respond to fear. Yeah, sometimes it's the fight or it's the flight. And 90% of the time, it's the flight.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01We we want to get out of there. We don't want to be in that environment. The threat is a little overwhelming for us. And sometimes it'll cause us to do things we don't want to do. So I guess today what we're going to try to do is find the balance between fighting and flighting when fear comes upon us. And with something like this, that we are in the middle of, yeah, hearing that a country is being invaded and seeing on the news these are beautiful buildings and these are people and their normal way of life is going to be interrupted. It takes us back to the 30s when we think of Hitler invading the regions and what that must have seemed like. And we're like, wait, that doesn't happen in our day.
SPEAKER_02In our lifetime, doesn't it? We're not used to that. That's for movies. That's history. That's history.
SPEAKER_01We've seen that. But that the here's the first thing you're thinking. This could happen or it will happen. We're not immediately thinking, okay, this is going to last a day or two, and things are going to be cool without the loss of life. And you know, they're going to come to an agreement, they're going to talk it out because that's what they do. Yeah, they're going to talk to them.
SPEAKER_02There's no way they're not going to do it.
SPEAKER_01So now the fear grips you. Yeah. Now, what happens? You've heard that fear will have a response on the human body.
SPEAKER_02Well, I was
actually reading about it, which it that's what I want to share because we're not experts, but I was reading this from a medical journal. I thought this was very interesting. The impact of chronic fear. And I think why we're talking about this today is because we see the need as leaders to make sure that we're helping people get the right mindset because there is an impact of chronic fear coming through COVID. It has set us up to be a lot more uncertain and more stressed out. Clearly, everyone around us has been that. We've all walked through that. Now we're seeing these optics of war break out on our television screen at nauseum. It's everywhere, it's all over social media. There's an impact that that makes on our bodies. Yeah. Okay. And it talks about physical health. This is a really cool article. Um, it talks about how fear weakens your immune system and causes cardiovascular damage.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Actually causes damage to the heart. That's why you have to get past being afraid as quickly as you can. You've got to get through those processes. It also causes, I don't know if I knew this, although I always knew ulcers were from stress, but I never thought of stress as being fear, you know, combined because it causes gastrointestinal problems like ulcers and irritable bowel syndrome. So when we're not getting on top of it, it starts to break down in our system. It decreases fertility because when you're stressed, your body just completely stops and shuts down. And it leads to accelerated aging and even premature death. Fear, the impact of chronic fear. And this is not us saying it. This is from a medical journal that I'm reading.
SPEAKER_01I don't know if you want me to keep going. There's more here. Well, I think what you're getting at is what's happening on the outside isn't staying on the outside of people. No, no. It's having an effect on the inside of people, things that you don't even see.
SPEAKER_02That's right.
SPEAKER_01And that's going to cause people. If that in itself is causing just a physical reaction on the inside, I know, I know stress can cause the arteries to tighten, which then can lead to a cardiovascular event, like I had. Uh, we started the building program here at our church, and little did I know the stress of that would create that kind of physical response in my body. So I know stress will do that, but fear has that tendency to start dealing or affecting us in the internal, and sometimes we don't even know it until we have an encounter where we blow up. Right. And you can track that back to fear being a part of that because we were dealing with the what ifs, we were dealing with the boogeyman, we were dealing with all those things that we're not even seeing. Yes. But I mean, because this even this war, this invasion is a long way away from us in America, but we're connecting with it. So we're we're not feeling it personally, but yet we are. But it's impacting. Because fear is bringing it to our shoulder.
SPEAKER_02Well, the world has gotten so much closer. I remember as a kid growing up, Russia was like Russia, I would never go so far away. Social media, the world, and me, all of that has brought Russia, it feels like it's just next door.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02It doesn't feel far away. It's really not that far away when you really look at it, but when you're not tuned in or dialed in and you don't really care, and and your sensors aren't out, you feel like, oh, that's not gonna impact us. Today, everything that happens anywhere on the globe somehow impacts us, whether it does or whether whether it doesn't. And it really doesn't. So sometimes you have to learn how to know when to say when. I can't receive that information. I can't see those pictures. I've got to put my phone down. For right now, nobody turn the TV on because you've got to preserve your health. It also talks about how when you're fearful and you stay stressed, that your immune system plummets. I was talking to a girl yesterday that we met for the first time, and she was telling me that she went to an integrated doctor, integrated doctor, a specialist, because she just couldn't get over COVID. She just felt tired and down and run down. And he told her, he said, Well, listen, you have to start de stressing. It's not as much, I can put things in your body that will help your immune system, but she was also going through a divorce at the same time. And he said, You're going to have to get to a place of peace where you find rest in your mind and in your brain and literally train yourself to start finding that place of peace and rest. Because he said, You're not going to get ahead of this thing because the stress of this and the fear of I've got to tell my young children and this is their new reality, and then COVID and all of that, it's created this immune plummeting environment for her body.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_02And so she was sick, not just from COVID, but her immune system was low because of all the effects of it, not just the sickness.
SPEAKER_01Wow, the the ripple effects of that. That's right. What is fear? What kind of, if we go back just to COVID, we're afraid, fearful of COVID. We have that fear going on. We're holding it in some of us, we're processing it. It comes out and at different times. What is that fear doing to the marriages that are dealing with COVID and the fear of COVID?
SPEAKER_03That's right.
SPEAKER_01What is it doing when you have problems on the job? You bring that stuff home with you and the fear of that job. What's it what kind of effect is it having on your family? So much of fear in the in the world, because
we see what's going on in the world today, is having an effect on us just beyond us being afraid.
SPEAKER_02Oh my goodness, yes.
SPEAKER_01It is affecting us in so many other areas. We're seeing people not just, okay, uh, do things they don't want to do. We're seeing outbursts from people that it's just not them. No. We had somebody recently we just uh looking at it, uncharacteristic, responding in a way that took all of us back a bit. Our mouths were our jaws were open because we're like, where did that come from? Yeah, that's right. And the truth is they've just been locked up for so long that the fear caused them now to not only do something they don't want to do, like your friend, but now act in a way that's just not them. No.
SPEAKER_02No. So it's interesting you say that because I I want to also share with you what it says about the brain. Because, you know, Lauren, our daughter, she's going through her master's right now in psychology, and she just took a course from a brain doctor. I thought this was so interesting. He was saying how the brain does not like it. It get it gets hostile when it doesn't have answers. When the brain doesn't get answers, it has a hostile reaction. So when you go through seasons of uncertainty, you don't have answers. You can't leave that open-ended. You can't live a worst-case scenario, what if? And I think we said that on the other episode. If you if you've not listened to it, go listen to it, that you can't be around the, but you never know people. You can't, you can't, you just can't dine too much with them, be around them too much, because you've got to get to a place of certainty. Well, I don't know the future, but I never did. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, but I didn't know COVID was coming and life was good. But it says about the brain, when it doesn't get answers, it's interrupted and it responds hostily, which would explain people having these weird outbursts that are not normal to them. And you, we were actually going, are you sure that's the same person? Because they would never. Well, when you go through stress and you are overstressed and over fearful for too long, and you don't start talking against it, this is what happens. And it says here, brain processing and reactivity. This is what happens with chronic fear. Fear can interrupt processes in our brains that allow us to regulate emotions. We can't even control our emotions. It says, read nonverbal cues and other information presented to us. Reflect before acting and act ethically. This impacts our thinking and decision-making in negative ways, leaving us susceptible to intense emotions and impulsive reactions. All of these effects can leave us unable to act appropriately. Now, today we're calling that mental health issues and a mental health crisis. But the bottom line of it is it's not mental health. Your brain is going, I can't take much more fear. You've got to protect me from this. And I know it's hard because we feel like we're victims of this world that feeds us fear 24-7, and they do. But really, the power is in our hands to know when to say when and say, okay, I'm yelling at my kids a little too much. My husband and I are having issues we've never had before. I'm mad on the job. I'm just slow. I used to be slow to anger. Now I'm just mad all the time. Those are signals your brain's given off to say, protect yourself, as we say in church, before you wreck yourself. So there's ways to do that. There's all kinds of help out there, which hopefully go to church. Get in an environment where you're around people that are more peaceful. Be in intentionally around people that speak faith for the future and hope for the future and not just fear.
SPEAKER_01Wow. I started to um I was laughing or smiling. I had to control. I just keep rolling. I don't know what you mean. I'm so proud of you for staying, keep going and staying the course. Because I think what I picked up on was when your brain doesn't know what to do.
SPEAKER_02Yep.
SPEAKER_01It it kind of goes into overload.
SPEAKER_02It does. And it reacts.
SPEAKER_01It reacts. So, you know, I I just know, and this is a problem I have. Here we go.
SPEAKER_02You're gonna make excuses for yourself. I know, I know you 30, almost 35 years.
SPEAKER_01No, no, I just I just I'm I'm thinking about when we're going through something and you're hammering me with, you're this, you're doing that, why this, why that? And I'm sitting there on the other side, like, okay, after 30 minutes of going back and forth, I just don't know what to do. And I'm like, enough, done, you're like that flank right there. Is it explained? What's that movie?
SPEAKER_02What's that movie?
SPEAKER_01The little cartoon movie. Well, wait, wait. So it's not, it's not me. It's it's a natural response to when the brain doesn't know what to do.
SPEAKER_02No, but that car cartoon movie, what's it called? What's that called with the four little inside out, where it's the inside of the little girl, all her emotions and the little fiery red was anger. That's you when we saw that movie, I was like, there's dad. That's dad. But you know, there's truth to that. Oh man. There's truth to that movie. You know, we think we overly spiritualize, or we think our emotions are some invisible thing. They're not. Your body is responding. Your emotions are are really the signal that something's going on that you need to find peace and rest in.
SPEAKER_01And and this is why, and somebody keep me posted on our time because I didn't put my timing up. Sorry, guys. This is why uh we will discuss this at a table, but we also discuss it in our church environment because the whole church environment helps us see that though we may not know what's going on in
the immediate, we have a higher perspective of things when we tap into our Heavenly Father, a relationship with God. God shows us something that even though we don't know what's going on around us in the immediate, we can still trust that he has a plan. And whatever that plan is that we don't see, we can trust him without necessarily needing to know what the plan is. Yeah. Because here's what I do know he's he's good. He uh I I have a relationship with him, he's going to take care of me, and I don't need to know what tomorrow holds. That's right. I just I just need to know him.
SPEAKER_03That's right.
SPEAKER_01And when we go through this, here's why in our church environment, we're seeing more people come through with uh more joy. That's right. Uh they they've learned how to manage the fear, not to compartmentalize it, but put it in its right place. That's right. Um not to suppress it, not to suppress it, not to deal with it, not to act out of it, but to let it drive us more or closer to having uh a God relationship because he's the only way. Our faith in him is the only way that we're gonna be able to get through all of this. So we saw, you know, Alan Paul was saying two years ago it was COVID. Now two years later, it's war.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You know, every two years we're gonna be dealing with something. Right. Is that how life is these days? And could it get even quicker? You know, instead of two years, 18 months, now we got a new crisis.
SPEAKER_02That's right.
SPEAKER_01There's people listening to us that maybe in the next three months, all of a sudden, they're they're losing a job.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Economy is not. In their favor, uh stock marks, stock market is uh weird. They're what what's gonna hit them next? That's right. Uh fear says, What's gonna hit me next?
SPEAKER_02That's right.
SPEAKER_01Where we've learned to find faith, we say no matter what comes next, I'm gonna be okay. That's right. And if you're listening to this podcast today, listen, you stay connected to your creator, you're gonna be okay.
SPEAKER_03That's right.
SPEAKER_01You're gonna figure out that there's more for you right now than there is going against you. And that should bring peace, that should bring calm, that should that that should allow your mind to to be at rest and you not overthink and process all of this to where fear starts to leave leads. That's right. That's right. You can't let fear lead us at this time. Yeah. I was more in empathy today, today, watching what was happening. My heart broke for the people of Ukraine. I don't know what's going on with the even the people of Russia, that their leader has forced them into this. And um, that's sad. So I feel more for them listening again for a few minutes to a Ukrainian church on Instagram doing a live prayer with two pastors, pastor, husband and wife, praying in Ukraine for God's hand to protect them.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_01My heart goes out to them, but I don't have to let fear cause me to start questioning. Okay, what what happens to us next? Will we be drawn into this? How many of our boots will be put on the ground? And how will we handle this? Will this be another an uh another 30s, World War II? Well, what are we doing? Where are we at? I I don't have to let fear take me there.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_01Whatever tomorrow holds, I still know the one who holds it all.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Amen.
SPEAKER_01And and that's God, which is why we as a family, so much of what we do is centered around our family business, is around building up people of faith. Because the only way you're gonna make it through these days
is that.
SPEAKER_02And that's not an escape hatch from reality. You know, that that's something that we've struggled with over the years, being pastors and being in ministry. Oh, you just you're just trying to escape reality and and and speak words of of faith because you don't want to deal with the reality of the consequences of the situation you're in. No, it's not an escape hatch. It is a way out, though. It's a it's a healthier way out when you understand that staying in a place of fear and stress is very destabilizing. And the truth is it doesn't add value to the community. You won't add value to your family, you won't add value to yourself. You've got to get to a place where you are stabilized. And, you know, you can't save everybody. All the folks that are hurting today in Ukraine, we can pray for them. But here's the reality: there's really not much we can do. We're all helpless and hopeless. You know, this is a system of man. We can pray, but we have we do have to think about ourselves and where we are. And all the empaths out there, those that are naturally predisposed to have a lot of empathy and you know, do something, the world's on fire. There's a limit to what we can do. Yeah. And we're no good to anybody if we're not in a place where we could just help the ones around us.
SPEAKER_01Right. And I I would say to those that are listening, be careful what you open yourself up to watch. Absolutely. So many movies these days condition us for a time of lawlessness and a time of destroying war, end time, apocalypse, uh, all of that stuff. And and your mind can't help but go there. And then, of course, you've got good, good-hearted people in the church that are thinking this is it, you know, the end of the world's coming. And and I would say, even there, we don't know what tomorrow holds. That's right. We don't know when that apocalypse comes. We don't, okay? And if you were to ask the people back in the world wars, back in the depression, they would have thought the very same thing some of us are thinking today. Oh, yeah. It can't get any worse. It's the end of the world.
SPEAKER_02Hitler was the antichrist. That was it. He was the antichrist.
SPEAKER_01And so we we got to be careful we don't buy into that. What we have to buy into is all right, I don't have to know everything about tomorrow. Yeah. And I'm gonna be okay with that. I just can't let fear motivate me to act in a way I don't want to act. I don't let fear come in and cause me to live with regret that I missed out on the opportunity to still enjoy the great day that I have to live today. The great marriage, the family, the business, the job. Hey, all of this, because God's with me, God is for me. And from that standpoint,
I'm gonna be okay. I'm gonna be okay. In the midst of all of this, and I don't have to give in to fear.
SPEAKER_02No. And I I want this just thought popped into my head. Hoped I did just interrupt you, but this is but I did, so I'm gonna keep going. Um, when we talk about how the brain doesn't like open-ended truth, it wants to have answers and it gets hostile. If you knew you had a year to live, if a doctor told you you have one year to live, and this is how I think and how I process when I want to get past my fears, okay? Uh it's a it's a tangible practice for me. When you had the heart attack, I knew I could not stay in that, or Steve, or Steve, I I couldn't do that. That was not good for me, and it wasn't good for the kids. So, one of the practices that I would have is I would honestly think, okay, what's the worst case scenario? I have to think about that and say, well, that hasn't happened. So I'm gonna go on and have a good day. And I'm not gonna stay in this place of fear. So if I knew I had one year to live, how would I live it? I would surround myself with my children, with my family. I would say, take me to see all the beautiful places I haven't seen. I would find a place of peace and joy. I would load my year up with all the good things to the very last breath that I could take, that I could do. I would not live that last year filled with stress, filled with worry and anxiety. There's no point.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02There's no point. And sometimes we need to give our brain a break when we know better, we do better. And we just need to say, what is the worst that can happen? Well, the worst that can happen ain't happening right now.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02It's not happening in my life right now. I have the power to take control of my thoughts, my actions, and my words. So let me start because what will happen is the consequences of those hostile outbursts, because you're, yeah, you might have a legitimate reason, but it is still under our power to control that and to not suppress the fear, deal with it and process it, but we can't keep taking it out on the world around us because then that impact that we're having, man, it just has a ripple effect that doesn't go away.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I think we got to recognize it is what it is. That's right. And when we recognize it, then we are able to deal with it better. Uh, two years ago, people were thinking the same thing. That's it. We were so filled with fear, we didn't know what was gonna come next. Hey, back in 2007, after my heart attack, we didn't know fear absolutely what
what quality of life is is available next.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_01There's always something that's gonna come our way that causes us to fear. We better figure out a way to to deal with our fear and not fear our fear and let it cause us to do things we wouldn't do. Now, listen, we're done. And um, I don't usually do this, I don't think I've ever done this, but there are quite a few people of faith that do listen to our podcast and some that may not be people of faith. But I I just want to do this for you. Wherever you're at, I just want to say a simple prayer. And that prayer today is that God would be with you as you struggle and deal with what you see taking place around you, and that the Lord would give you peace in the midst of these times. And if there's fear, he'll give you the ability to release that fear, and may you find faith in him to help you deal with the challenges of today. Amen. Well, a little different than what we usually do with our family business podcast with the Alessis, but we hope today was an encouragement to you. So stay strong, stay out of fear, keep the faith.
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