Hello and welcome to another episode of the Family Business with the Alessis because family is everybody's business. So today I have around the podcast table my son-in-law, Chris Muña, and my daughter Stephanie Muña. She'll allow us to throw her middle name in there as she legally changed her name to Stephanie Elaine Alesi. Muña. Stephanie Elaine Alesi Muyña. She's taking on the Hispanic heritage. She's got a name that's super long. Well, I'm glad you're with us. Uh we are in season four. And the last time you have heard from Chris Muina was back in season one. So he is making his reappearance. Everybody's clapping. So to make sure that he would be spotted, he is a little bit, he's got more hair on his head and more facial hair. He's he's he's really showed up to work today, ready to go. I like the longer hair.
SPEAKER_01Thank you. And I have always been around. I just have been in the background. So I've been here probably more than I was in season one.
SPEAKER_02Yes. Now he's in the background. Is that where you like to be?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, if I can.
SPEAKER_02Really?
SPEAKER_01I'm comfortable.
SPEAKER_02Thank God.
SPEAKER_05I know. We know.
SPEAKER_02Thank God you're comfortable with that. Steph, you have been on quite a bit.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, but Gabs has been on more than me.
SPEAKER_02Gabs? I don't know. You and Mom had like a couple of just recently, you know. You've been at it.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, we had some good podcasts.
SPEAKER_02I've actually gone back and listened. I liked how you introduced mom on mom's part. She did one that was good about the whole birthing of her grandbaby.
SPEAKER_04Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02And you did the intro.
SPEAKER_04Wow, I forgot about that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04That was like a month ago.
SPEAKER_02And then you did the whole album. You talked, you and mom talked about it.
SPEAKER_04And music business and yeah, that whole thing.
SPEAKER_02So life's good.
SPEAKER_04Life is great.
SPEAKER_02I'm glad you're back in here. Now, today, um, you could, of course, if you want to hear more from We, you can go way back to season one. You could subscribe and go back and listen to our different episodes and the one that we had where we introduce the new family members that are in the family business now. And uh, that's where they first would have been able to meet you, just from a podcaster podience perspective, so they can get to know you. But I've asked you to be in here today. And um, actually, this was Alan Paul, AP, our whole producer, puts everything together, does a great job for us. He says, Hey, they have to hear from the Mwinias about what it's like now as first-year parents. Yes, yeah, yes, we're here.
SPEAKER_04We made it.
SPEAKER_02So we're gonna
be talking about that. How in the world is it? How do you feel?
SPEAKER_01You're a dad now, Chris. It's it's pretty incredible, actually. Yeah, yeah. And Gianna's special. I think I think we got really blessed with the first one. Yeah, we did, and her personality and character and how it comes out in different ways. She's just a lot of fun. Oh my gosh. Yep.
SPEAKER_02Great name, Gianna.
SPEAKER_04Love the name. Gia for short. She's we're honestly spoiled because she's a really good baby. And I sometimes feel like I can't even share how good she is because I feel bad for other moms and their first children or their second children. And I know I'm gearing up for the second one. Yep. Because everybody says the second one's gonna be crazy if the first one was great. But Gianna's really a little angel.
SPEAKER_02She's um you were the second one.
SPEAKER_04I was the second.
SPEAKER_02And you were the headache.
SPEAKER_04Yes.
SPEAKER_02You were the one that terrorized your brother.
SPEAKER_04I know. I apologize. I've apologized so many times.
SPEAKER_02We've asked God, Chris, why in the world the Lord would give you such an easy baby the first time around because of all the ugly seed Stephanie sowed as a kid. She was horrendous. She was terrible. But not you. You were easy.
SPEAKER_01I was pretty easy, I think, from So They Tell Me. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04That's why I think Gianna's like him.
SPEAKER_01Yep.
SPEAKER_04Little things.
SPEAKER_02But I'm seeing her like you. I know. Man, the other day she got so aggressive at something she was excited about. And I'm like, there was Steph.
SPEAKER_04She has a temper. She definitely has a temper. And she's learning what it means to not want something, and she's communicating that. So she pushes things down and she pushes things away. And I'm like, okay, if you now know what no means, then I can now start to use no.
SPEAKER_02But she's like, But wait, you're not one of those parents who are like, don't say no to my kid.
SPEAKER_04That is so not me. I I I swear in my mind, I'm from the 50s when it comes to my parenting.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04To our parenting. We say no. We like no.
SPEAKER_02Well, I do gotta say, I think this is what is so important when couples get married, they don't always look at the in-laws as as uh being so important. But you know, when I look at your mom and dad, Chris, they they were they're good parents. They they're strong, they they have their principles that they abide by, and they raise you in a very strong house so that now both of you come to the table with, okay, we we understand what it is to want to go with certain maybe trends for parenting and raising our kid, but you also know that there are you do have to teach them boundaries and know is a good boundary. Yes is a good boundary, yeah. So you're okay with doing that. So that's a blessing.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, definitely. And I think I've been able to see just how much of just instincts have come out and Steph. Oh my gosh, motherly instincts that I never really thought would would come up when you're dating somebody or you're married somebody to somebody, you don't really think, how are they gonna be as a mom? Like, you don't think about that. Yeah, you think it's all learning that you it's all you have to learn it all. And in reality, a lot of the instincts that have just come out is I'm like, yeah, let's do that. Like, I like your instincts. I like how you want to do that. Scale of one to ten.
SPEAKER_02Vice versus how is she as a mom?
SPEAKER_01She's a 10.
SPEAKER_04Oh, that's sweet. Thank God. Well, your instincts have come out too. You're I I've noticed that you have you're very engaged, you're very, you're not ashamed to like push the stroller around or change the diapers or sometimes bather, which I love.
SPEAKER_02He's very hands-on.
SPEAKER_04So hands-on. From even when I was pregnant, he was already starting to build the crib, um, build the pack and play. But the instincts I've noticed have come out of him really are I love because he's strong, but he's tender to a little girl. Yeah. But he doesn't want to spoil her too much. He spoils her as a loving father, but he also knows when to draw the line.
SPEAKER_02Touchy-feely emotionally, let me hug you, let her sleep on me. That's where he's really, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Loves that. They call it carinoso or carinosa, whatever. And I love that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04But there's been moments where he's like stepped in and been strong with her, and I just love it. I love it.
SPEAKER_02That's good. Yeah. Okay. So in your first year, you were married.
SPEAKER_04Yes.
SPEAKER_02How did you do? Pretty good. You enjoyed that first year of marriage? Loved it. Yeah. That was good. A lot of adjustments.
SPEAKER_05Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I mean, yeah, we're very open and communicative, communicative. Yeah. Um and we we let each other know what what we agree with, what we don't agree with, what we like, what we don't like, what we, you know, want to let stand in as a principle in our marriage, what we don't want to. That's never been like a sweep under the rug type of thing with us. So it's always been a very open for us.
SPEAKER_02I should have known that because the first time you came out, you really mustered up the uh putzpah. Come up and say, I want to date Steph, and and you did it. You didn't push it back, you didn't try to hide it. You came right out to the pool while I was floating and enjoying my rest on a Sunday afternoon, and you asked. And meanwhile, everybody was inside, fingers crossed, hands crossed, praying that it would go well. And you ran up. You did. That was cute. Yeah. And Steph, what do you think? First year marriage?
SPEAKER_04That it was it's it we clashed a lot because we were very vocal. But now on the other side of it, we are so glad we were that vocal. Yeah. And we talked about everything. Some nights we were like, okay, you know what? Let's just please reach some peace here. We don't need to disagree. We don't need to talk about all of the disagreements. And that's when I think we started to learn how to just let go of those little things. But it was, I'm so glad we went through that first year of just let's let's hit every little thing we want to talk about. Of course, with some boundaries of respect. Like we knew what things with what to cross, what lines not to cross. And I'm so glad we did. Because now we well, we didn't know that two months into marriage we were gonna get pregnant.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And now we have a baby, and that adds on a whole other level of of pressure and responsibility. But we were able to handle a lot in that first year of marriage that now we feel like we're just we're cruising, and we've got a lot of things handled.
SPEAKER_02I hope maybe fingers crossed, you guys can tell the story about Halloween. The argument before. Oh my gosh, it's such a great story. People need to hear this story, but we won't tell them just yet. Oh, come on. You all think about it.
Are you? You gotta think about it.
SPEAKER_04It's up to you.
SPEAKER_02I mean, I don't mind. It's a great story. Okay, so set the stage. So the first your big issue that really your first um challenge as a couple that you knew would be a challenge was going to be Halloween.
SPEAKER_05Yes.
SPEAKER_02All right. So we in our family would uh, for the sake of the family and even other families in the church, we had had have events that were like hollowed happenings, Halloween carnivals, things like that, where as a Christian believer, we didn't celebrate the holiday. We celebrated the day because there were so many other people that would be dressing up, and we wanted to give them a safe place to come to as a church, and even invite some people that don't go to church regularly to it. So we were very open and to the idea, and you guys, as our kids, would go out and enjoy that day. Okay, not the not the celebrating.
SPEAKER_04Not the celebrated, yes.
SPEAKER_02But Mwina was not into that. No, and he was more, you know what, we can pick other days to dress up and go party, but let's not do it on that day. I don't want to celebrate Halloween. That was his upbringing. And so you guys came into this marriage with that one issue that was gonna have to be addressed.
SPEAKER_04Yes.
SPEAKER_02So uh the first year was nothing.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Right?
SPEAKER_04We just, I don't remember what happened the first year. I think we just went over, yeah, we did, we didn't talk about it. We didn't talk about it the first year.
SPEAKER_01We just went to a friend's house.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, that was it. Then the second year, you take it away, Chris. You explain it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so let me just clarify that as a new husband and new leader of your own home, I'm trying to, and I think every young husband can uh can put themselves in the shoes, but we're trying to figure out and establish what boundaries and what principles to really set as foundations in hey, this is my our new home, our new uh life. Yeah, and so I'm learning, I'm still learning, where do I draw the line? Where do I like let go of things? Where do I put my foot down? Where do I be more lenient? And this was one of those things that I think if you grew up in a Hispanic household Christian, Halloween is gonna be a hot button topic no matter what.
SPEAKER_04And I was really shocked at how many people didn't celebrate it like you. I thought it was more people, and then this past year I learned there was a lot more.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I'm I'm thank God that that's that is one of the things in our marriage. It's like that's so stupid. I know.
SPEAKER_02But no, no, no, don't give it away yet.
SPEAKER_04Go, go, go, go, go, go.
SPEAKER_02So, where do you want to go from here?
SPEAKER_04Um, okay.
SPEAKER_02Which by the way, I respect your your view on it and and the way you wanted to be fair, because we, of course, as the in-laws, sometimes you watch things from afar. So watching that, and we wondered now that Gianna's here, even though she's only six months at the time, is she gonna dress up? Is she gonna look like a pumpkin? What's gonna be the deal, right? So we respected where you were coming from.
SPEAKER_01And I want to also say that I want to thank my in-laws and also my parents for kind of just like stepping aside and letting us figure it out because we didn't have that added pressure from you and Pastor Mary or from my parents. It was like, wow, we didn't haven't heard of Pete from them, which is great. Which is great to be able to figure things out as a married couple.
SPEAKER_04That's so true. So we were we okay, I remember now it happened. We wanted to have a nice peaceful discussion, which is so stupid. I don't know why we think we can actually have those peaceful discussions when we're so emotionally invested into it. And I was like, let's just talk about it. Let's talk about this one night. We got into a huge convert, a huge back and forth. Can you set this up too? Because I want to, I don't want to communicate this for you.
SPEAKER_01Go ahead, do it.
SPEAKER_04Okay. So we were we started to get into the conversation of what Halloween was. And it's sad because we wish we can keep the conversation about how do we do this right? How can we come to an agreement? But it never stays there. I've learned with us, it always goes to, well, this is what I believe is right, and this is what I believe is wrong, and there's no, there's no if, ands, or buts, there's no gray area. And it's hard when you're both on two very opposite sides of the spectrum, yeah, and you're like, How the heck are we gonna agree? Because we've only gotten further, further into our convictions. So I had made the remark listen, because we are allowed to have a glass of wine in our house, because you have allowed us to drink a glass of wine in our house, because we can watch a show with a little bit of curse words, then when we have the freedom in Christ to do so, we should also have the freedom to dress up Gianna in a costume and go trick-or-treating. That is what I meant when I said that.
SPEAKER_01You took it as well, in the heat of the argument, it didn't come out like that. But but I took it as okay, now she's attacking the principles that I've been establishing in this house, you know, as the leader of the home. So if you want to go there, then let's be extreme about all those things that you just mentioned.
SPEAKER_02Including your beer.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Like let's So you got wine in the fridge, you got beer in the fridge. And so then what happened? Which by the way, this is why you have to listen to the podcast.
SPEAKER_05Yes.
SPEAKER_02Because we talk about things here that we can't talk about. Talk about on Sunday morning.
SPEAKER_05Oh god.
SPEAKER_01So what ended up happening? So I was like, okay, you wanna you wanna go there and you wanna you wanna use that as a as a as a tool for your argument? Let's eliminate that. So I just went in the cabinet in the fridge and I just started dumping all a bottle, a bottle of wine that we had in everything down the drain. And she was like, What are you doing? I'm like, okay, you wanna buy it like that.
SPEAKER_02That was I think the wine, and you poured it down the drain and you pulled out beer.
SPEAKER_03And then I started to say, I started to say, you budget all of our money so that we can save our money, and now you're wasting all the money by throwing all of our money and all of the beer down the sink. What are you doing? Stop, Chris. And I'm holding Gianna and I'm like, stop it, Chris, stop it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, meanwhile, I just wanted to prove the point. If it if it cost me 50 bucks and a couple bottles of wine to prove a point, then that's money well spent for me.
SPEAKER_02Okay, now here's what's really funny from my perspective. Neither of you really care about wine. No, nor beer, because it's not something that you drink regularly, maybe, maybe once every six weeks. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And that's the stuff you're gonna use in your argument.
SPEAKER_04Oh, yeah. I didn't want to use it. He had to use it.
SPEAKER_02That is great. Okay, so that was before Halloween.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02What ended up happening on Halloween?
SPEAKER_04Okay, so he had said, um, we're not gonna do trick-or-treating and you cannot do a costume. And I said, Well, there's just one outfit that my sisters bought for Gianna. They bought it for her before she was born. And I I would love to just put the outfit on, take a few, a few. It wasn't a costume, it was just a little outfit that said like happy Halloween and it, whatever. It was super cute. And I said, Let me just put that on, let me take a few photos and then we'll take it right off. Let's invite the family over so we can make it a family night, hang out. And um, and if you can't, let's get a bucket of of candy and put it outside. We can talk to the people because I love the community side of it.
SPEAKER_05Right.
SPEAKER_04And he was like, That's fine, but no trick-or-treating. And I thought, good, I think that's a great deal.
SPEAKER_01So it turned out to be great. We opened up the garage door and we hung out with because our neighborhood goes crazy with it. It really did. You guys had a big neighborhood party going on.
SPEAKER_04It was really fun.
SPEAKER_01We were able to meet a bunch of neighbors come through and talk to them. And gosh, we forgot the one thing we wanted to do, which was give out Lightfest flyers, but you're still still able to talk to a bunch of neighbors and I said you played some music.
SPEAKER_04I played some Chris Stapleton, but what was funny was I was like, if we could sit out there, then we'll so we can we can evangelize. Let's get a huge stack of the Lightfest flyers and we'll hand them out to all of our neighbors.
SPEAKER_02So that's to bring some good to the bad holiday.
SPEAKER_04And we come, we forgot all the flies.
SPEAKER_02You're sucked in by the bad holiday. Well, we pulled up, I don't know, 30 minutes into this, and all your candy was gone. You definitely didn't have enough candy to give out to the neighbors.
SPEAKER_04It was uh, but it was still really fun. You guys came over.
SPEAKER_02Are you kidding?
SPEAKER_04It was simple. It was nothing, it's how we usually do it. It's we don't go all out like that anyways.
SPEAKER_02Okay, so again, from an in-laws perspective, watching the way y'all handled that, your own business in a in a you know, exciting way, but yet in a fair way.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Because Muina, you you gave uh you you gave some some way here to to what Stephanie wanted, and Steph, you gave way to what Moina wanted. And that's really special. And guys, that's hard to do as a couple. Yeah, that there's a lot of couples that just don't do that. Yeah, they want it my way or it's the highway. And in the Latin culture, that's even more pronounced sometimes because the the man has to be the voice of authority. So, from a father-in-law, Moina, I appreciate your willingness to be fair.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And Steph, from your father's perspective, you know, mom and I sat there and looked at it and thought, you know what? He he he can work. Moina can work with a wife that's willing to say, um, I'm okay to to to bend a little.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Because that's being fair to one another. It just cannot be one way, unless it's a matter of life or death. I mean, really, yeah. If it's a matter of somebody that's something's gonna really heart hurt you or scar you or your kids, that's different. Somebody's got to take a firm stand. But when it comes to this right here, as a young couple, your first year, now on top of that, you have a baby uh putting some more pressure on it. It could have been a lot worse.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And I think that's what we're finding to be the most challenging thing of being married is when we're both right, what do we do? We both have great examples of parents, great examples of growing up. Because it's not like we can see she can be like, well, like, look at the product of of what you did. And it's like, no, my parents raised two great kids. Yeah, you guys raised four great kids. So what do we do when we're both really right? Yeah. That's the challenge, I think, in being married.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
And I think it just came down to, well, I have to, I have to follow you on this one.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And I and I trust your word. And if to me, I just kept saying, Well, it's really not that big of a deal. It's really not that big of a deal. And to him, it was. Yeah. It really was. And I had to recognize that. And I I to I just wanted us to reach this point of like, let's laugh it off. Let's just let it go. Why can't we just let it go? And we weren't it, he was not gonna laugh it off. And I had to respect that.
SPEAKER_02Well, the story part of it is what brings so much humor to her because when y'all told us that story, we all around the family at the table just laughed and laughed. It's a great, great story. So, that in itself, you know, Steph, you it kind of shows you what happens when you introduce a child to the family. You two had already your issues here with this thing, and it wasn't going to be a big deal because your first year married, you already dealt with Halloween and it wasn't a big deal, whatever you did. Yeah, but now bring Gianna into the picture and it complicated a little bit more. What other areas do you think having a child complicates the relationship that then you guys have to be able to work on?
SPEAKER_04You want to? I I would say something that I've noticed is like you said, that child brings on pressure because now you feel the responsibility to raise this child as best as you can, which it makes you evaluate what you do. So, and it makes you evaluate what you do as a couple. So, how much time you spend on your phone, how much time we're spending. With certain friends, it really makes it adds the pressure because you're like, I don't want, I could handle my friends acting a certain way. I don't want my kids seeing that. I can handle watching a TV, a TV show that curses a little bit. I don't want my child watching that. And it kind of just makes you, it puts it into perspective when you are responsible to raise this child and to make this child into a good Christian. And I think that's what brings that pressure on. What did you want to say though?
SPEAKER_01I think we we le started learning that real quick, like a month after Gianna was born, where we turned all our attention to Gianna and just keeping this baby alive that first month. That we really neglected each other in our relationship. And we saw that how that within a month span of neglecting each other, yeah, that can make a big impact. Not in a negative way of neglecting, just being so focused on the baby that you're just not focused on each other. And then you realize, yeah. Right. Like, whoa, after a month, that can have an impact on our marriage. So always keep each other at the top of our mind, at the top of our priority things. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. And just getting rid of those expectations of how you thought it would happen when you were married. And really just embracing what it is. Yeah. And like this morning, Gianna woke up and it was I've been trying to sleep train her. I'm doing a terrible job. I've been trying to feed her now, introducing solids. I'm doing a terrible job. I have food all over me. She woke up six times last night and I'm sleep training her. I got her down at 8:30, but she was up all night.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And I just was like, you know what, Steph? You gotta let this go. Like the expectations you have of raising this baby, it's not real. And you made it up in your mind, just embrace what it is. And this morning we put her in the bed with us, and I was like, this is the most beautiful moment of my life.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Just to be sitting here with our baby. And it all it took was just embracing what you have and embracing.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, let me correct something. You didn't put her to bed at 8:30 last night. I got to hang out with her. By the way, two nights in a row. Thank you, Chris. Two nights in a row for about three hours each night. So last night you were leaving the church at about 9, 9:30. And I'm sure Marina's wondering where is my wife? That's right. It's pouring down rain.
SPEAKER_04That's right.
SPEAKER_02Right? Yes.
SPEAKER_04And then I think I got home like at 10.
SPEAKER_02Yes. 9:45. So she's supercharged by all this excitement. Last night, just here, you had kids being uh, they were practicing for their play. So she's so energized watching that. I take her out into the lobby and they have salsa dancing in the salsa connect group. So she got excited, kicking her feet, watching them salsa dance. Then I took them next door, took her next door to go see Gabby in the youth group. And when we walked in, the music was playing. And you know how excited she gets when the music plays in church. It's crazy. She was kicking, so she was on all cylinders.
SPEAKER_04Hence the sleep training. This poor girl does not know how to go to sleep after a long day.
SPEAKER_02Okay, so one more thing, let me throw at you. We just did
our first um our first holiday of Thanksgiving with the family. And we went up to our farm now. Easy for mom and I, because we want to be there. Easy for Gabby and Lauren because they don't have other significant others in their lives. Not so easy for the two of you, especially since it's an eight to nine, 10-hour drive and you have an infant with you. All right. And not easy so easy for Chris and Rochelle because of being married and having to all of us be in the one big house. Yes. All right. And yet, let me say publicly, thank you, Moena, for doing it not once, but twice and taking the time to do that and put yourself in the environment. Yeah, paid off because we got to hunt. All that's fun. But still, it's a lot. It's a lot because you have your family that you want to spend your time with, Chris, which is totally understandable. Um, and yet Steph wants to spend time with her family and y'all have the baby in the middle of it. All right, big question, not prepared maybe for the answer, but this is a big issue for some families. How did y'all come to an agreement and willingness to say, we're gonna go ahead and put in the time and sacrifice 600 miles away to go up and put the baby in the car and do all of this for almost two full weeks of time? How did y'all manage that?
SPEAKER_01I mean, I don't know. We just do, Pastor. Yeah, we just do things. I think we we really have learned to set aside expectations.
SPEAKER_05Yes.
SPEAKER_01And what's what's expected to us of us because of social media, because of what other couples have do or what we've seen them do. And we're just gonna do us. I mean, we have a very non-typical lifestyle. I mean, Gianna's in church in the evenings till 10 o'clock at night. Yeah. Like most babies aren't doing that. Right. Um on a sun, she has a full workday Sundays. Yes, she has. Uh so we just we do it with her in mind, yes. And we wake up at 4 a.m. and we're on the road so that she's sleeping for most of it to help with that. Um, but we just do things. And obviously, with the lens of, is this gonna be good for us? And spending time with family is always gonna be good for us. Right. But there's a balance. Like now we'll spend Christmas with my side of the family. Yep, yes, and my family will knows that and understands that.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01So thank God we have understanding families on both ends where you guys are now open to, hey, we had them for Thanksgiving. Yep. They're the Munyas are gonna have them for Christmas, and my parents are the same.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So we have we're super blessed to have understanding in-laws and families. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04No, I would say I noticed you can't keep a record of wrongs in marriage and you can't keep a record of rights.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And constantly keep score. You can't keep score.
SPEAKER_05Good.
SPEAKER_04And because it'll really overwhelm you if you count up all the times I went to your family's house and all the times you went to mine. It just leads to nowhere to get score. So he said it perfectly. We just kind of just we don't we throw out the balance. We throw it out and we just do what we want to do, knowing how is this gonna put too much pressure on us? Is this going to lead to arguments? Are we feeling like we're getting quality time with each other? Do you feel like you're getting quality time with your family? I feel like am I getting quality time with mine? And just knowing, figuring out what works for us. And again, that first year actually gave us a lot of um lessons for this second year because we learned what our needs are. He, I know after a couple of days, he needs quality time, just us two.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And yeah, it's just sitting on the couch watching TV and having popcorn. That's and that's we have I have a couple days of my go, go, go before he needs quality time. And I'm the exact same way. And we know Saturday mornings or Friday mornings, we need we want to wake up and we want to make pancakes and we want to watch our TV shows.
SPEAKER_05Yep.
SPEAKER_04That is our that's what fills our tank. That's what makes us feel like we got our quality time in. And we balance that. There's some Saturday mornings we have to be at church, some Friday mornings we have to be with family, but we just don't think about it. We keep going, we keep a calendar, we we put in a little bit of effort to maintain that quality time. But because that first year we talked a lot about what we needed and we communicated, communicated, communicated, it allowed us to figure out how to do it in the second year.
SPEAKER_02Well, you learned quick with Stephanie's uh quality time is like her her love language. She she really loves that. And she's got two sisters that she's been super close with. So that that time you give her, Moena, to spend it with them is really appreciated and it's valuable. It's a great investment into her happiness and Steph, you recognizing the man that he is, the time that he needs uh as a he's got a sister, but he's kind of the only, he's the only boy as I was growing up. Sometimes we we just like being alone, away from the chatter, and just make and we don't want our wives to leave us. No, we just want them within earshot if we need them. And that's great that that you can understand that about Muina, and and that helps the two of you. Well, you work, we all work with one another. So it gives us an unfair advantage over your parents, Muina, because we see you all the time and we get to see uh uh Gianna all the time. And that's because we all work together. Of course, we don't get to always have fun when we're working because we all working, but it's it's qual, it's quantity time, not quality time. Yeah, but we do thank you for being understanding and balanced. And you know, the old saying, we try to live by too, much is given, much is required. We recognize that as much time as we're given outside to connect as a family, and we're spending a lot of time in the offices working at our campuses. And like tonight we got an event, tomorrow night we've got an event, Saturday's gonna be a big uh you got hiking with young kids coming up, Moina. You're gonna be off or busy on your supposedly days off. We try to balance all of that out with other times when we're given freedoms and luxuries. Um, so it's a balancing act. And I mom and I just uh if she was here at your table today, she would just uh applaud you both. You're doing a great job. We don't see the stress on you. We see a real healthy marriage relationship, just relationally. You seem to both really care and like each other, want to be friends, and you're you're you've birthed a beautiful baby, and there'll be more coming. And so uh anything you want to say before we close?
SPEAKER_04Um, I guess a a word of encouragement. Yeah, the the greatest peace that we found was when we stopped comparing our relationship to our friends' marriages.
SPEAKER_00Good.
SPEAKER_04And um, there's some things that our our friends' marriages they allow in their marriage, and it's not dysfunctional, it's not unhealthy, but we just don't want it in ours, and vice versa. And when we reached peace with, hey, I'm proud of how we do it, I'm proud of our dynamic, I'm proud of our schedule, I'm proud of how we communicate. And we just stopped comparing completely. It brought a lot of peace and it brought a lot of pride to who we are. And that I I would just encourage others to do.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, thank you for having us. For I think this is an interesting conversation. A lot of probably young couples are probably either going through it or gonna go through it soon. So I'm glad we were able to talk about it.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02Well, listen, when you have the best, there's no comparison.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So you all need to be confident in your decisions. You never have to compare yourself to others because you really have a lot on your your side of things that make you a real healthy home. And health to me is always the goal. So uh a lot to be said. We will be talking about one thing as a family, though, and we'll just kind of prepare you for it. Because what we've noticed with Gianna is how important it is you're having your child, you have your child. Christopher and Rochelle are going to be having their little child next year.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, you bring them over to you bring Gianna to the house. We respect the fact that you don't want them watch, want her watching TV, too much TV.
SPEAKER_04In the first year, yeah.
SPEAKER_02You you respect we respect the fact that you don't want her being so engaged on the phone. So we respect that. And we like that, quite frankly. Yeah. Because it's almost it's a lazy parenting style to just put your child in front of something TV or a phone electronic and say, keep my kid busy. We have so much at our home. We got chickens, we got dogs, we got a backyard pool, we're gonna have the swing set. We got so much to keep them occupied and busy. So it says to Mary and I, we're thinking, uh-oh, as a family, we need to come up with certain values that are just non-negotiable in our family. Yeah. So that when your Gianna goes over to Christopher's house to play with her cousin, and they have a TV on. They have a TV on or giving them a phone, it could cause conflict. So we all have to get on the same page and we're willing to do that and make sure that it's something that's gonna be healthy for the family.
SPEAKER_04I know. And I feel like me and my brother are gonna actually tag team against Lolo and Gabby. That is my prediction.
SPEAKER_02All I know is that in Lauren's home, they're all gonna be eating good.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Her kids will all be healthy and eating good.
SPEAKER_04And Gabby's probably won't be.
SPEAKER_02Well, thank you for joining us with another edition of the family business with the Alessis, because family is everybody's business, and I hope you've enjoyed it. And if you have, share this episode with every couple you know that may be newly married or new parents. Take care.
SPEAKER_00You've just enjoyed another episode of the Family Business Podcast with the Alesssies, and we can't thank you enough for being a part of our podience today. Now that you've learned more about us, here's how you can join in in the family business. First, make sure you're following our podcast right now and download this episode so you can hear it at any time. Second, think of someone you know that might need or enjoy this episode and share it with them. You'll be helping them and helping us to spread the word about the family business. Third, go to AlesiFamily Business.com and tap the Ask the Alessies button. This is really cool. You can use it to record a voicemail comment or question, and we can add your voice to our conversations. Finally, while you're on our page, tap the reviews tab and you'll see a link to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. We love reading your reviews and we might even share them on the show. Thanks again for joining us, and we'll see you next time at the Family Business with the Alessis because family is everybody's business.