Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Family Business with the Alesssies. I'm Steve Alesi. We're talking everything family because family is everybody's business. And I'm going to ask you to go in with me right now because I have three friends that joined me on a Sunday morning. It was right around Father's Day. And these are three guys that mean the world to me. Three dads going to be talking about Father's Day. Now, usually we talk about things here in the podcast that we can't talk about on Sunday, but today I'm going to take you right to a Sunday service. So why don't you join us as we hear our three great men talk about being dads? Here's why we need good fathers in the world today. Get some of these statistics. Now they say America is a superpower. It's supposed to lead the world, right? Well, here's a statistic that is not a good statistic, where we're leading. America, according to recent data that's been published, America, the United States of America,
leads the world in fatherlessness. That's terrible. Here we are, the land of the home of the brave, you know, the free, the brave, and we can't even stay committed to the home. Where's the men in the room? Right now, 18.5 million children are growing up without fathers. That's about the population of the state of Florida. Imagine that. Having one state set aside with just children without a father. That could fill our entire state. 80% of single parents' homes are led by mothers, which means nearly 25% of our youth are growing up without a father in the home. That doesn't take into account that the father that is in the home isn't the birth father. That's just homes without a father. 85% of children and teens with behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. Look at the stress and the strain that puts on our school system. 85% of children and teens with behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. That's nuts. Over 70% of adolescent patients and drug and alcohol treatment centers originates from homes without fathers. 70% in those homes. Research indicates that children without fathers are at home, without fathers at home, are nine times more likely to drop out of school. Represents 90% of homeless and runaway children. The very thing that we deal with that struggles puts a burden on our country's leadership and the resources of government and of communities is the result of fatherlessness. Something that can be avoided. So guys, here we are. We're so fortunate in that when we come together, we do believe in ironing sharpening iron. We don't play. We're men that we know we're frail. We sometimes let our emotions get the best of us, we let our passions rule us sometimes, but yet we don't get out of bounds. We keep pulling each other back in, we hold each other accountable because we work on being men. And not this feminization that's taking place in our country today. Not that. I mean, let me ask you, how many, how many you have, Edison, how many children?
SPEAKER_01I'm a father of four children.
SPEAKER_04Father of four children.
SPEAKER_01So how many boys and girls you got so that's three boys, they're all adult children today.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01And out of those four children, two bo two of my boys have fathered nine children. Wow. And they're fathers, they're married fathers of children. So all those are your grandchildren.
SPEAKER_04Look at there. That's a load. Ralph, you got a son?
unknownOne son.
SPEAKER_04One son? Gio, you got one of each. All right, I gotta write this down. She's she's not still in the belly. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I misspoke earlier. Down south, we had between the three, four of us on the stage at the Dayland campus, ten girls and two boys between all ten of us. All those girls. Two girls. And that's sad because we have no real men. Where's the men? And the men that we have in our society is being feminized and want to be women, which is ridiculous. Half of them want to be women. They want to compete against women. Wow, that's a real man. So here we are dealing with a society that wants to point a finger at men that are strong and call it tax toxic masculinity. And yet we get together and we don't play games. We're like, nope, here's what it is. We're a man and we're called to lead our lives and lead our homes, lead our families. So that's what I love about being able to come and talk to y'all today. And as we talk about it, just some things from your perspective. How do you handle life? Here you are, Christian man. You love Jesus, love your wife, you love this church. So, how do you handle certain things in life? I'm gonna start right over here with Edison. Edison, your biggest fatherhood challenge. What is it?
SPEAKER_01So, Pastor,
I'm so glad that you put together a panel that we can talk to our church family about opportunities being fathers. And I can tell you that in my career growth and my Christian walk, a lot of people poured into me and gave me the opportunity to learn more about how to be a Christian father. So if I think about and talk about a few years ago, I could just blink my eye, and I, my wife and I, we were the youngest couple in the church. And then today we look around, and today I look around and I can just simply say that we're among the more seasoned ones in the church. But early on in my marriage, when I said I do to that beautiful woman that stood at the door set and came down at Iowa as my bride, I took on a big responsibility of being a husband and one day being a father. And we had one child, and then I didn't I didn't want to grow anymore in my fatherhood because I just had this greatest fear of financially not being able to support a greater family. So for seven years we didn't have another child. And I fought that thing because I just knew I didn't want to have another child because I couldn't selfishly see how I could do financially better with having more children. And one day, one young man that I worked with, he came to me and we were having this conversation. I said, My wife, she's on me about having another child. And he looked at me and he's a father of four, and he said, Edison, all I can tell you is that I know that when you have a child, God gives you children, and he always, always, always makes a way. So from that one son, we went to have, we went on and had three more children, two sons and another daughter, and as you saw just pictured there, just a few of the grandchildren, but now nine grandchildren. So God made a way when I didn't see any way. So that was my early on immature, childish ways and my Christian walk at the very beginning. And as I continued to grow and studied God's word and know God even more intimately, I found so much power. And just give me just a few seconds a little longer to just say a couple other things about now, as a more mature Christian, what my greatest challenge has been. Every Sunday at the altar, and I lead prayer here at the altar, and I will have someone come up to me and ask for prayer. And I want to establish the ground rules. When they come up, the first thing I'm gonna ask is, Do you believe God? And then I'm gonna follow with a second question, and I'm gonna ask, Do you trust God? Well, back in 2020, and not due to COVID, I lost my oldest son. Suddenly, no idea, a healthy young man. All of a sudden we get a phone call at 6 o'clock in the morning from our grandchildren and said, Dad's on the floor in the bathroom, it's falling out, and we can't awake him. Well, the rest of the story, our son passed that day. And I had to come home and tell my children, his brothers and sisters, that we lost him. I had to comfort my wife. We had to get through all of that, and only by the grace of God getting through those different phases of losing a lost one, from the realization of it to the grieving and the mourning process to celebrating his life. I can tell you, it had to go back to that rock where I said, I believe God, I trust God. Now I've got to believe and trust God in a way to lead my family and navigate through this whole process. And that's through the word, through the preaching, through the worship, and through a community of people like right here at Metro Life that supported us through all of that. So that was my greatest challenge. Thank you for applauding that, but I can just tell you, it's not about us, it's all about the glory of God.
SPEAKER_04Amen. Ralph, you're a young spring chicken. Thank you, Pastor. That had a son later in life. Yes, I think. Seth is a blessing, man. Tell us what's your greatest fatherhood challenge?
unknownThank you.
SPEAKER_02Uh well, happy Father's Day for us, Pastor. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to uh just um lift Jesus up here on stage with our experiences of what we've been through in life, and maybe we'll help somebody else um move on. Um, well, um just um, you know, Seth is his blessing. We've waited uh many years to have Seth. We've been
married 24 years now, and uh our first 12 years we I was shooting blanks, I guess. I I don't know. Um nothing happened. And um then we just trusted God and we believed him. And uh for for a child, my wife went through some issues. Um she had cervical cancer and um over at doctor's hospital there in the gables, the uh team of doctors said that the best thing for us was for her to remove her uterus, and uh we said nope, no, it's not gonna happen. After a lot of prayer and and just uh believing God for a miracle, we got the miracle. And um then we got the other miracle. She was thank you. She was not only healed, but God gave us the miracle of Seth. And um the challenge for me is basically to get out of my way and and let God um do what he's got to do with Seth. You know, he wouldn't have given us a child like you said, brother, uh, even though we thought we weren't prepared for it. God will always make a way, we'll always give you the wisdom, the knowledge to be able to uh impart it to God, to us, to your kids, what uh God has taught you and uh imparted to you uh just by being an example and allowing space for them to make mistakes and then correcting those mistakes in whatever way you feel is necessary. You know your child better than we do. And uh we just try trust God for everything uh for Seth, uh opening doors, walking into those doors that he opens, uh, and just continuing to see him grow, being in church, that's that's automatic. Uh there's no staycation, right, Pastor? That's right. So uh we just uh love being here. I I um advise you all to, you know, there's a lot of great fathers here that are really great examples and have done it longer, much longer than I have. Pastor Steve, and a lot of men here, good fellas, that uh maybe you can come alongside and and just by I look at them and I see how they operate and I learn a lot from them, I observe. So I'm just letting you know that uh you're in a good place.
SPEAKER_04Amen. Beautiful. Come on, Gio. You are husband to Susie, and you've got Caisley and Caleb. So what's your greatest fatherhood challenge?
SPEAKER_00Well, uh, first off, uh when when Pastor Chris reached out to me and asked me to be a part of this panel, I said, Are you sure, man? Like I'm still still figuring this stuff out,
but uh I appreciate being up here. I I don't take that lightly. Um, and and and as fathers, I know I'm in this season of my life, and I'll speak for myself, of building my own kingdom, right? Building my business, being able to set myself up so that later on in life they're taken care of. And with that, obviously comes trust in God, trusting in him that he'll provide the way, make the way for us. Um, but it's just always reminding myself to be present in the moment. And although I'm constantly thinking about numbers and uh providing and building and how am I gonna grow this, I also have to think about that same concept, but with my own kids and my wife, and making sure that they're being grown as well and being poured into and me giving them the time that they deserve and require for them to become the people that uh God wants them to be. Because before they were mine, they were his. And if he entrusted that responsibility with me, I better make sure that I'm up to the task. So that would be my uh biggest challenge these days.
SPEAKER_04You know, gee, I was sitting yesterday around the table because everybody came over to have Father's Day then, because Mary's on the road with half the family heading up, and Lauren and Gabby are going up later, and Chris is here. So we had Father's Day yesterday. And I had this image, and it probably in my late 20s, it starts to hit me. Uh, you gotta have more. So we start out with a small home, right? You're married, start out with a small home, small home, but you want more, and you hang around people that inspire you to have more. So then you start looking for other things to do to increase your income. So we always had side hustles. That's what I appreciate about Edison. We did Amway back in the day and did some other things. Always a side hustle. How are we gonna make more money? And I remember praying. I remember driving around looking at homes. I remember seeing cars and going into the the dealerships and just looking at new cars. Couldn't afford it. My gosh, I was making $300 a week from my dad was paying me. Couldn't afford anything, but I kept believing there's more. So the little bit of seed that I had left over after paying the bills, sowing, always wanting more, wanting more, wanting more. Um, wanted motorcycles, looked at motorcycles, and wanted boats, looked at boats, all these different things. It was always a drive for more, so I would put myself in a position of faith by stretching because I felt not only the responsibility to provide, but I felt just a desire for more because there was always an image before me that I saw in others that was bigger than the comfort zone of where they were. So it pushed and pushed and pushed. And I'm sitting there yesterday, and somewhere along the line, the way, somewhere along the way, maybe it was in the 50s, when my kids got old enough to start pursuing God on their own, pursuing the ministry on their own, loving what Mary and I had built, which was his church. When that happened, yes, God provided things that were beautiful. I couldn't have, it was bigger than exceeded my ask even. God provided the natural things to bless us, but it wasn't the things anymore that ultimately brought me the satisfaction. It was looking around at my kids that they grew up. My kids, not my wife, my kids that are now adults, grew up loving Jesus, wanting to work alongside of their parents, wanting to work alongside of each other, and the very church where they were raised and cultivated. And that shows you really the value of fatherhood. That when it comes down to it, guys, we want, yes, all those other things are great, and you got to keep hustling. Gee, you got to keep pushing. But man, once you get those kids around you and they're old, wanting to hang out with you and celebrate with you, there is a tremendous fulfillment that comes with it. So nobody could put down this thing about pursuing fatherhood. It gives you the greatest blessings that come your way in life. All right, I'm gonna jump in the middle here and come back to Edison a little bit. But Ralph, help me out this. How do you operate as a father at home and also here at church?
SPEAKER_02Well, they're very closely related, home and church. Um I believe that um in order for us to operate properly at home, we have to
be in church. One compliments the other. Um, I believe that uh when we take care of God's house, God takes care of ours. Um we need to just come here to form relationships with other people, get to know people that maybe in other instances, in other situations, you would never know. Get to know how they operate, what uh any feedback that may have that may help you, and you help them in turn. Um, so so yes, one is in hand with the other, and they both um offer something that God has for each and every one of us that we could never imagine. Pastor, like you said, you know, um sometimes I I'm in awe because I say, you know, I just want something that is good for my family, and any particular thing I can't think of right now that it is, but in certain situations that that you ask God for something, and and God comes through 110 percent. Um, in order for for us to be able to just see God move in our lives at home, I believe we need to be in church and uh teach our children to follow that example. Because if we come here and we come here not dragging but excited and motivated and expecting something, then in turn they're gonna sense that.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And they'll be the same way.
SPEAKER_04Super.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_04So true.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_04So true. How about it, Jill? How do you operate? It's a father at home and a father here at church.
SPEAKER_00Well, like like Ralph was saying, it's it's hand in hand. Like there's I can't be one way in the house of God and one way in another way in my own house. You know what I mean? Like they you can't be dual. It's all hand in hand. So I I just really the same principles that I learned here, giving, uh, serving, you know, I serve my wife, I serve my kids, I give to them everything that I have.
SPEAKER_03Amen.
SPEAKER_00Um, continue to pour into them, just like people have poured into me. It just there's no other way to do it. I think that's the best way, the most the most efficient and effective way.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Beautiful. How about it?
SPEAKER_01I'll try to be short. But I think about just studying the word. God created family before he created the church. And then I just think about that time, that day when I stood in front of God and everybody else in the old days. We would come up to the altar when you want to give your life to God. And I accept Jesus Christ in my life. My wife, my son was with me, and at that moment, I made a commitment. I said, I surrender. I give everything to you, God. And then I remember the same time when I stood in front of everybody, like I mentioned earlier, and said, I do, I accept this wife as my this bride as my wife, and I start a family and I start a home. And I never wanted to be that guy who was a different at home and at and at church. I think that's kind of like that hypocrite that you that you think about. Yep. So once you accept it and said, I surrender, I do, I give my life over, there's honor, there's responsibility, there's commitment, and then there's leadership. All of that rolled into one. And I can't separate church from my home.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I just can't separate it. I have to be the same at home and at church. And I've tried my very, very best to live my life that way. And if you were to talk to my children, I hope that they would honor that word to say, my dad has been the same. Yeah. That he's not cold, he's not hot, he's not lukewarm, he's either cold or hot, but he's hot, and he continues to serve God in both capacities.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. You know, guys, when the scripture tells us that a deacon or an overseer of the church, someone who serves in the church, this is a charge, okay? When they when he says that, he says that he doesn't even get qualified for that position. Doesn't matter how gifted and skilled he may be on the platform as an overseer and a leader, as a connect group leader. It doesn't matter how talented they are. He says if he can't handle his own household well, he cannot serve in the ministry. The home has to be first. The way you treat your wife has to be first, the way you lead your children has to Be first. And that's why even the Bible tells us we're to serve and honor and love those that are in our home. Because if we'll do that, it's a no-brainer. Then I can do that at the church. I'm amazed today, though, with how many people look at gifts and talents first that are a prerequisite for serving. I would say before we look at a gift or a talent, go look at the person's house and family and spouse and see how they're doing there. Because that's what ultimately qualifies them to be able to lead. So gee, why do you serve? You're young, you got everything else going on outside of church. Uh the last place you should be serving, I mean, you're not an altar boy. Why do you serve in church? Why do you take time in the middle of the week to practice with the worship and then get up here? Why do you serve?
SPEAKER_00Well, well, first off, I mean, I I've been a part of Metro Life Church for 18 years.
SPEAKER_04Come on.
SPEAKER_00Before this, I grew up in a Hispanic church where the option was serve or chancleta, which is the equivalent of the Hispanic boomerang, right? So I didn't really have a choice, Pastor, growing up. And I'm so grateful for that though.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because there's so many life lessons, there's so much just things that I was able to extract and really soak in and be a sponge. Uh, in the past 18 years, just looking at different examples of like yourself, like these gentlemen that are up here with me, and other leaders that have really poured into me, I see the benefit. So when you say, I know in the world it might not look as like the cool thing to do, but I've always thought of it as it is the cool thing to do. I've always wanted to serve and I've always wanted to be an active participant in lives being changed and restored. So I just see it as a blessing. And I if you guys know the story of my my father who stepped up to the plate and and served our family, like there's really no option. It's in us, it's in me. And there's so many benefits, there's so many. Yes, we don't we don't do things to get things in return, we do things for the kingdom, but it there's like no other no other alternative. It's just a beautiful thing for me.
SPEAKER_04Well, I love it. You say 18 years you've been here, you're actually a son of the house. And it's it's we can take pride in saying that. We don't throw that term around. But would y'all like to see the very first child I ever dedicated to the Lord here at this church? Would you like to see the very
first child? This is yes. Stand up, Ben. Look at this kid over here, this skinny thing. He was the very first child ever dedicated to the Lord. His dad sitting next to him, and Tony and Melanie came to buy a Christmas tree many, many years ago, came through the doors and uh bought that Christmas tree. We were able to see Ben raised in the house, and then he met this girl next to him, Priscilla, right here in this house. And he took and he married her. Come on, Priscilla, you can stand up. He married her, and uh life's so sweet. They went out to California and got prepared for ministry, and now they're gonna be, I believe I heard you're going to Chicago. Chicago, chat down. That'll be sweet. Mom and dad's gonna be moving out there with you because I can't handle you being gone anymore. We're gonna miss Tony and Melanie. We love them, but uh pray over them. Now look, here's another kid right next to him. Stephen Treadto, stand up. Steven Treaddo just got engaged last night. Have Emily stand, put her on the chair so we can see her. That is Emily. Emily worked in the office for a long time, was an intern here at the church, and look at there. They are going to get married, and they've been buddies, him and uh Ben have been buddies for years, so that is super to see that happening. Where is there he is, all the way. There is Marcus. Marcus also just got engaged. Are you gonna stand up? You don't want to sit next to him? You look in here. They don't want to sit next to each other in church, but they're gonna be getting married. So it's happening. Thankfully, we've got great young kids that are young adults here in the church and they're growing up, but uh many of them are serving right here. They they get busy, and it's a great way to teach them while they're young. Edison, why do you serve?
SPEAKER_01You know, Pastor, I just thinking about why I serve. I left home right after I finished college, got into a management program with a company I worked for for many years, and as soon as I accepted that position, they moved me to 400 something miles from home, and all I knew and all I have been involved with is a community of the church. And I've had lots of people pour into me. Men, women, pastors, bishops, just pour into me. And I just find it so rewarding that the more I give to God, God just that word says he's pressed down, shaken together, and run it over, coming back to you in blessings. And that's been our life. And I've lived in five states now, in eight cities, seven cities, I think 13 homes, building my career along the way with my family, my wife, my children. And all I know is that I had to find a way to serve God because every time I made a move, I we started over. And that move really started over in a community, a new community of church, really kept us going and living a full life. So serving God has built relationships across the whole Southeast for us. We've opened our home up to even in the beginning here at Metro with Worst of Friends. We've opened our home up with Connect Group for many years, and we've just made so many beautiful connections. And you can't take a connection away from anyone. Once it's given, it's always there. And that's the beauty of God.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. And you know, we go back to COVID when we were locked down. You led the prayer team to have drive-through prayer down at our Daydeland campus. You weren't afraid to go pray for people. In the middle of all that craziness, you were right there on the street with the team, and came out and prayed for those individuals. What a blessing. So, okay, guys, as we start to bring this thing in, we use a sports analogy of the halftime speech. You're down in life, life's not easy, you're having problems with the wife, you're having problems with a job, kids are doing things you don't necessarily understand. Life comes at you, inflation's going through the roof, you're looking at you're barely able to make the ends meet right now, you're down. But you still got a half a game to play. What's the halftime speech? Start us off, Edison.
What's the halftime speech you give you? So, Pastor, it's all about stories. It's all about stories with me. I have to tell a story because that's how I learn my faith through watching others and experiencing others and seeing God's goodness and his grace. And I'm gonna tell you, like that song says, if you don't believe in God, I'm living proof. I'm living proof. There is God. There is a God. I can just tell you that in my career move, we were living in Shreveport, Louisiana, just been there only two years, had this beautiful corner lot home. It was a really beautiful home. And next thing I know, they're asking me to take a position to run a district in Little Rock, Arkansas. I'm gonna cover about five states of responsibilities. And I said yes. So we put our house up for sale and it was sold in one week. And so it's right before summer, and we found a home in Little Rock. It was in a new community. We're building this home, we're finishing it off, and we've made the commitment that we're buying this home. So movers have decided to come, we've picked a moving date, everything's packed up. My wife is on the way with the children. I get a call from the mortgage company. I get a call from the mortgage company, and they say, You're not approved. The house is sold. The the box truck is on its way, the movers, my wife. What do you do? All I know is on this Christian walk, Ozzy. All I know is that I was in this big JCPenney store where I was leading. I get in the store and I'm I'm there. It's about 10 o'clock in the morning. I'm trying to figure out what do I do, and then I gotta find a closet. I gotta go somewhere and call on the name of God. So I go immediately, Wilder, to the bathroom, men's bathroom. I find a stall and I lock myself in. And I just get into a word with God, and I just say, God, you brought me here, you making a way for me, and I believe and trust in you, and you have to work this out for me. You have to work this out because this is of you. You made the promotion, you made the decision for me to move here. That's what I did, Wilder. And about three o'clock that afternoon, I got another phone call, and it was from the realtor. She said, We've moved your loan to another location, and you have been approved. You guys are moving in. That's my halftime story.
SPEAKER_04And you were the goodness of God, every time. Amen. How about it, Ralph? You appreciate sports?
SPEAKER_02Yes. Um, yeah, I I love sports. Um so in a game, uh, before a game, you always have a game plan. And um, sometimes that game plan doesn't go according to how you would like for it to go. So at halftime is when you come in and you kind of tweak your game plan a little bit, change things around, maybe play to this, play that, and and uh in life it's the same way, right? The proverb says, many are the plans of a man, but the Lord directs his steps. So we go in with that plan that yes, this is what we're gonna do. This is what we're gonna do, and that's the way it's gonna be. And and as men, we have that drive to to make it happen. But sometimes, for whatever reasons, uh things erode and things change, and consequences change, the economy changes, your job, whatever it may be, that's the time to go in there and uh not give up, but tweak a little bit. Uh go to God and see what He He have you to do because He's the one that gave you the game plan originally, anyways. So He's the one that's if need be will direct you in the right path. So so as far as changing your game plan and the pep talk to you, that um we just need to um again have faith in God that He will give you the game plan and uh if need uh need be change it. Don't be afraid. God accepts uh U-turns as a bumper sticker. I saw that in a bumper sticker somewhere. He accepts U-turns. So so don't be shy. Make sure that uh always everything you do is blessed, and that by God is confirmed by God, by your wife, and maybe somebody that you know that you have confidence in and has your best interest at hand.
SPEAKER_04Perfect. Thank you, Ralph. Close this out, G. What do you do? Halftime speech.
SPEAKER_00So I I'm huge on sports. You know, I play basketball uh for many years. I still play today. And um, for those of you that have played with me, you guys know I'm very compet competitive. It's probably my greatest strength, but also my greatest weakness. It's why when my wife rejected me three times, like in the Bible, to ask to go out on a date, I kept asking her, and she finally said yes. But um, at the beginning of every year, I write a contract with myself. I guess you can call it like goals or resolutions, but I write a contract with myself to keep me in check. And as oftentimes it happens in life, things don't always go your way. So you make adjustments. You go into the locker room at halftime and you make adjustments. And sometimes like I'll try to talk myself into changing those goals or changing what I committed to to doing because I don't always feel like motivated or feel like I want to wake up early and go to work, or I want to do the things that I need to in order to be the man that God wants me to be. But I remind myself of that contract. You see, oftentimes we feel like we need that rah-rah speech to motivate us. But when I got, I don't know what age that was, but when I got to a certain age, I that stuff wasn't it for me anymore. It was more about just being committed to the process and sticking true to it, even though when it doesn't look like it's gonna work out. Uh, I made a commitment. Made a commitment to my wife, to my kids, to my church family that I was gonna be on time, that I was gonna do all these things that a good fella should do. So, you know what? Whether I like it or not, I'm gonna stick to it because I promised myself that I was gonna do that. And I promised uh with God I made that commitment.
SPEAKER_04So discipline, man. That's strong discipline. Give it up for our three brothers today. Appreciate them. Our good fellas.
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