Festive or Frugal? How to Work with Your Family to Make Christmas Magical | S7 E16

When it comes to Christmas, are you Buddy the Elf in your family - or the Grinch? 

Every family has a variety of personalities, and it's no different when it comes to celebrating the holidays. Some people love to spend and dive into the gift giving, while others are more reserved and concerned about the budget.

In this fun and enlightening episode, you'll discover how to blend the two sides of your family's holiday approach without losing the fun and magic of the season! 

Chapters

• 0:00 Coming Up In This Episode
• 2:44 Take Time to Power Down
• 7:43 Ask Them Questions
• 11:10 Enjoying The Magic Of The Holidays
• 17:38 Make Christmas More Than A Day
• 22:26 For The Christmas Lovers

Transcript

0:00

Now you're you're kinda you lied. I don't really help you do any of it, whether it's pulling it out or putting it away. That is totally on you and You tried to help me, and you got real bossy. Yeah. And I said, get out of here. Yeah. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the family business with the Alessis. I am Steve Alessi here with Mary Alessi, and we're in the podcast booth because we recognize that during the holidays, family is everybody's business. Especially during the holidays. Especially during the holidays. So, hey, we haven't been here in a little bit. We've been busy. We've been out, and it's been a great month of, just celebrating the Thanksgiving, being grateful for all the good things that we have going on in our life. Yeah. Yeah. We, got away and had some a good time with the family, didn't we? With our moms. Yeah. Your mom, my mom. We had a wonderful time just really, investing into some special quality time. They're both quality time people. Mhmm. And so we were able to give them the gift that they love the most. Right. And that is time with you and me, which was very, very sweet. Sweet. And it was special. Always enjoyed. I'm grateful that we have worked all these years to be able to afford to take that extended period of time off, to be with our moms. The whole farm, the whole situation is pretty much been set up for family. Yeah. It just so happens that as the last couple of years have progressed, our moms physically have slowed down a little bit. Right. So they're not traveling to the farm as much. But the truth of the matter is the ministry aspect of what we do, which is our church, it's taken over the farm a lot more than the family has. Absolutely. So it was good to be able to get out and spend an extended period of time there, which, man, I just love. I love being able to go up there, and the weather was perfect. Hunting conditions were perfect. The work that needed to be done around tinkering, the tractor. I I just really do. Yeah. I think you I I watch you, and I think it's because your job and what you're called to do is very cerebral. Yeah. You are a problem solver of people and the ministry. You carry a big load from that perspective. So when you get to the farm, everything is with your hands. It's physical. And it And it shows, by the way. Bleeding everywhere. Everywhere you're bleeding. And it's so sweet, though, because, you know, our moms, they know us better than anybody. And so to watch us out there kind of power down and I cook and clean basically the whole time That's all you do. And I tend to them and your we both hunt a little bit, but you hunt and you get out there and you're working on projects. It it's so sweet to watch them watch us Yeah. And know that because they were both in ministry all their lives and they know the pressures of ministry and somewhat the burden, which is the negative word, but, you know, ministry is it's people. It's a lot. And so it makes them feel like they did their job well raising us because we're out there managing, kind of the emotional side of things by we're on when we're on, and then when we are off, we understand this. That's very healing for us. Yeah. Being up in, Georgia for that those 3 weeks, really, it's about 3 weeks where we're powered down, it definitely restores us. Mhmm. And it and it makes us stronger to be able to continue to do what God's called us to do. So they all they are always making side comments. Yeah. So proud of you guys. I know. Oh, I'm just They wish they would have done it more in their day. Well, they didn't do it. They did? They didn't do it. They they did not, do anything to kinda hold back. Really, it's about health. Mhmm. It's not about protecting yourself. No. It's about managing what you can what you put out, your output Yeah. And making sure that if you know you give out a lot, take at least a 10% of the time of your year Yeah. Just to power down. Mary, I've been in ministry now for 40 years, doing this for 40 years. Mhmm. And it's the first time in those 40 years that I'm able to take extended periods of time to be off. Yeah. I I never have done that. You and I in building our church. Never. You know, our vacation times are rarely are they like, okay. It's a vacation. Yeah. So we were able to go on a vacation to celebrate our anniversary. Right? So we went to Italy and that was wonderful. Rarely do we do that. No. Most of the time when we go away and most of the time it's to the farm or Stewart, when we go away, we're still in pocket. Right. We're still available. We're still responding to every email, every text, every phone call, like we're here in Miami. Every funeral. Yeah. Whatever's needed. That's what we have to come back with. We break into our our time away. And that's not an issue. We love it. We we wouldn't have it any other way. You wouldn't. So then to go up and be able to power down for that period of time to spend the time with the 2 women that spent so many of their years raising us, it's nice to be able to spend time with them because we spend so much time with all our other people. But yet the 2 ladies that raised us, we don't get the opportunity to spend the time with. And it is a mental, it's a head adjustment. Yeah. Because when I'm around my mom, I do need to remind myself. Okay. Slow down. Yeah. Just just be there. Be in the moment. Talk to her. Ask her questions. Act interested. I mean, really, be present to the point that I'm interested in what she's saying because I'll never forget, listening to somebody who was, teaching about how to spend time with your elderly parents. Yeah. And this person said that, you know, when you get around your parents, remember, they don't have a lot going on in their life. Right. So they may be watching television. They may be going to the doctor. Right. They may be talking to their, you know, doctor on the phone, stopping by the pharmacist, maybe going grocery shopping. Or their diet stopping by the pharmacist, maybe going grocery shopping Or their diet changed. Whatever that is. Now what you know, when you're around them, remember, their world slowed down from, you know, 60, 70, 80 miles an hour to, like, 5 miles per hour. Right. And you need to listen to them tell you the things that to you may seem so minute because you're still operating at a 100 miles an hour over here. You're still flying, and there's so many things going on that you could take up the whole conversation just talking about your stuff. Absolutely. That you have to stop and say, alright, let me slow down. And let me listen to her tell me about when she went to Walgreens Right. To pick up some Gatorade Right. Or her medication. And, you know, that was the that was the highlight of her day. And it makes her so happy when you do that. And you just gotta listen. Oh, yeah. And you gotta ask, oh, really? Did you was so and so there? Did you get to see oh, did you drive? Who drove you? Little things like that to show engagement. I was looking through our pictures recently. We were at the farmhouse, and I had time because it was sort of a down experience a down time. So I was looking through the last few years and, you know, and I'm not gonna cry and I don't want you to cry. Okay? We just started this podcast. No tears. But I realized I saw these pictures of one of the dinners that we had had at the house Mhmm. And it was the Easter before your father passed away. You see, here I go already. And I remember at that lunch, because our kids have seen us do that, ask our parents questions. Hey. What'd you do? Even though it can be like, come on, mom. I don't wanna talk about your seat belt that wouldn't work. I didn't I don't wanna talk about Yeah. Your flowers that you forgot to water. Oh, lord, are you kidding me? Oh, my god. Sit down. But because we have intentionalized that, we've learned that that it's important. Stephanie went over at that lunch and she said, papa, I want you to tell us again about meeting grandmommy. I want you to go back and tell us your story. And we turned on my phone, and for 45 minutes he talked. Mhmm. And I I was thinking about that even for families this year reaching into the holiday season and how important it is. If you have an 80 something year old family member at your house Yep. Bring the whole family around. Sit them down right in the middle of everybody and just ask them questions. Yeah. Whether it was about your day or tell us your story again. Because not only will you make their week their month, maybe their year, but you'll also cherish a moment that you won't get back. Yep. And it that little moment is so priceless now because your dad had told us those stories a 1000 times. We roll our eyes. But this time, because Stephanie asked again, we take the whole thing. And we have 45 minutes of his sweet voice telling us his whole history of how he got saved, of how he met your mom, of the original time back in whatever the name of that little town was where they started pastoring. All those little details. Lithia. Lithia. Mhmm. We've got it. Yeah. Because we slowed down to ask. Anyway, that's all I wanted to say to that. No. That's good because, that's where we've been. And what's nice about today's recording, Mara, is most of the time we don't put a date on this because we wanna be able to show it at any time. But we're coming upon the holidays Yes. And Christmases before. So we were talking to people about that holiday and being able to celebrate it and how important it is to book in your Thanksgiving and your Christmas and New Years with, getting getting away, getting your time away, and spending it with the people that you really enjoy spending it with, your friends and, of course, your family. And we it for us, it is about our family time and our friends. We encourage all of them and our staff to go spend time with their family and make sure they get away, which then brings us to the subject that I'd like us to just talk about for some time on today's episode. Families everything is everybody's business to us. Right. So if as a family, we find this played out in our lives, and you mentioned that some people in the church has already expressed this to you. There's usually somebody that really, really loves to celebrate the holidays. Yes. And the family. The festive one. And that's you and this family. Mhmm. That's why you're wearing red today because it's the holidays. I'm wearing gray. Picking up a peppermint mocha coffee. Just so one. I'm wearing gray because that's about how I go into Christmas. Bug. No. No. Just not as excited as you get. Yep. Though I've had to learn how to celebrate a little bit more. So let's let's talk about putting some magic into the holiday. And this is really for the person that is, like, out there way ahead that may be getting discouraged because they get look at their spouse and think their spouse is not interested. And maybe we can help you understand them. And then the person that is acting like me that's a little bit less interested in holidays than yours yours, let's maybe encourage them to get a little bit more excited. Okay. Let's do it. So tell me, what is your thinking? I mean, why do you get so excited about Christmas? Okay. So I don't think it's a trauma response. I've questioned this. I think I have a very normal response to Christmas. I do love it. I think when I was growing up, my mom was it was Christmas Eve and Christmas day. We didn't really get into a lot of the pre Christmas stuff. There was never garland down the banister of our stairway. I don't remember my parents putting a lot of Christmas lights up outside. Yep. So I think when I met you I'm just gonna tell the truth now. Yeah. When I met you, I was 19 18, 19, 20, something like that, and your mom and dad went all out. Yeah. All out. And your dad had never really celebrated Christmas as a kid. He'd never gotten a Christmas present. And your mom brought Christmas to him when they met and got married and brought Santa into the picture and went all out. So the 2 of them together, they're the reason, I think, because I was just so blown away how they started early decorating their home. Even the bathrooms had decor in them. You know, even the little soap dispensers was Santa and Mrs. Claus. You know, your mom and dad had salt and pepper shakers. That was Santa and Mrs. Claus, the little Christmas trees. And your mom decorated all the tables. The dining room table was fully decorated and the kitchen table was decorated. Reeds were everywhere. You know, both of them really worked hard to make the house festive. And it that just did something in me. I so resonated with that, and it started making my Christmases so special that it became a feeling. And if I didn't feel that at Christmas, I felt like I was missing the mark. And then we started having kids, and I wanted to replicate that. And, of course, mister frugal here, you know, we we couldn't we didn't have the money for all We didn't have the money. Yes. But in Christmas land, everything is free. So for me, I just wanted to be able to go to Michael's and HomeGoods and Joann Fabrics and buy it all the 50% off and come back and do all that. And you were good about it. I mean, you were pretty good about it. And my Christmas collection grew over the years to the point where it was more than just a Christmas tree. It turned into a Christmas village on the pool table and the piano. So now to this day, I mean, I you you see it. Mhmm. I'm very, very serious about my Christmas decor. Yeah. I start early because not only do we decorate the house, but we decorate the church, both churches. Mhmm. And it's very serious to me. And I think, it's a gift that I bring. I hope that it is Yeah. That sets an atmosphere of celebration Yeah. For the family. So much so that when we were up at the farm, and it was we had to choose, what do we decorate at the farmhouse? Do we decorate Fall. Fall and Thanksgiving, or do we decorate Christmas? And so How do we do? The outside was fall. It was. Well, the mother's porches was Thanksgiving and fall pumpkins and all that. I decorated theirs. You decorated theirs. Uh-huh. And then when you walked into our our our house, you did it really for the kids. I did. For the little ones. Because, everything was Christmas. And they did it in a different a Christmas tree. By the way, did we pull it down when we left? Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, yeah. Yes, we did. So we decorated Christmas inside, and it was the sweetest thing. And this is why I started to get a little bit more excited about it. K? Because it's Not enough to help me. But anyway, that's for another party. No. Heck no. Yeah. I I don't even wanna say it. But when they, the kids came up so you and I went up, and then the kids came up like a week later for a week, and then they came back and did some work, and then they came up for the week of Thanksgiving. Yeah. But when they came in the first time, the adult kids of ours got super excited Yes. They did. Because they walked into that Christmas feel. Yeah. But the sweetest thing was the grandchildren. Oh my goodness. And, Gianna actually thought that's, the farmhouse is where Santa Claus lived. Yeah. She did. Because she walked in, and she felt like she thought that was his home. Well, he could. Because by the time I finished decorating, he'd feel at home in any of any of the spaces I had. But see and that's where, I think the humbugs like me can learn the lesson. Yeah. Because, we just don't slow down enough. Right. To say this has to be important. Right. And I would say to those that don't get too excited about Christmas that that should be your thought. Sure. You got 11 months. We have 11 months of just making it happen, working hard, making sure the employees, making sure the job, making sure all the work is being done. We have 11 months of that Right. Of the year, and we're hitting it pretty hard. Sure. When this last month of Christmas comes along, just don't make it about the day. That's where I used to be. I just make it about Christmas day. Yeah. And that was fun to be able to do so. And, you know, we'd go shopping when the kids were younger and help Santa Claus do what Santa Claus does, and we'd stay up in late to the morning. And that was the 24 to 48 hours Yeah. Of what the holidays represented. And because I was in work mode and wanted to try to produce so much, even the week after Christmas, you know, we'd go see family, and it was like, oh, I can only do it for like 2 days. Yeah. And I was ready to get back because I needed to feel like I was producing. Sure. And it it's just a part. Some young men, some drivers, people are like that, that they they feel like, okay, I just want to go do instead of be. Right. And, I had to learn to pull way back. Because it shouldn't just be Christmas shouldn't just be about a day or 2 or even a week. Right? You're putting all this work into decorating, you're putting all this money into it. Let it be a month of celebration. Not that you got to stop doing your job. Yeah. But you should be doing some extra things during the month of December to celebrate the holiday. Right. So you know, right now at our church, we have what we call our light fest down at our Dadeland campus. Cost us a good chunk of money to go ahead and go out there. We get some sponsors to help us do it. It's getting the families out of the house to say, let's go do something different. Right. Because you can sit there and veg out on another series on Netflix. You can watch sports again, because now all the games, the college games coming to the playoffs, we're getting ready in the football. So you could do that if you want. Right. Okay. Or you could say tonight, we're gonna go do something different. Let's let's make this magical. Let's have fun. Let's Yeah. Let's make a memory to walk down the street and talk to some neighbors, maybe sit on the back porch. Go to the Christmas lights. Go go go do some hot chocolate on the back porch when it's nice and cool. Get in your car, drive around, roll down the windows, go look at, Christmas lights. Go enjoy all of those things. Make it magical Right. During the holidays. And, again, I'm talking to the humbugs here Yes. Because that's me. Yeah. I've gotta put myself in a different mindset to celebrate the holidays. And, you know, the the reality is, and we both know this, that there will come a time in everybody's life that has kids. Everybody will experience this. If you rush through the seasons when your kids are young and your tank is full, okay, your tank is full and they're busy, but they want to celebrate Christmas and you're just in a rush to get to the new year and the experiences aren't slowed down enough to have all the things you just listed, you do get to a place in your life where they're grown, they're out of the house, and you go, wait a minute. What did we used to do? You don't you don't have those memories. Yeah. So when you slow down enough to say let's there's always in every couple, Steve. There's a festive and there's a frugal. There's there's one that wants to slow down and enjoy the holiday, milk it for all it's worth, watch the Hallmark movies, bake all the cookies, decorate the tree, make the the moments count because they this is our family tradition. There's always that one, and then there's always the one that's like, well, oh, my gosh, we don't have time. I've got this going on. I've got that going on. I just wanna get through the holidays. There's always those 2 different personalities. But the truth is it's important, speaking to the Baham bugs, that they do slow down, especially when kids are involved because life is what you make it. The holidays are what you make them. So you'll look back and say, what do we even do? And you'll regret it. Right. So it's important. Now Okay. The festive people. Yeah. Well, talk to them for a minute because just because it's exciting to you. Yeah. Can't you have a little grace for those of us that it's not that exciting to I mean, we'll try our best to get up to speed, get a little faster in this. But the pressure, like I you you said earlier, that you pretty much decorate everything. I I really don't help. Is that true? That that yeah. That's true. Yeah. I can admit that. So but here's my reasoning. I mean, here's my thought behind it all. I mean, if it's that exciting to you, then go at it. Really? Yeah. I mean, I get pretty excited about, you know, taking care of the dogs every day and the chickens outside and doing those things and taking out the garbage a couple times a day. Be fair comparisons. And, you know, I don't ask you to get excited to go and do those things with me. You do not even compare. I give you grace. I don't ask for your help. I need to put my mic up here. So can't you give us the same No. Because they don't compare. I don't like to give it to say yes right there. Okay. That that's where family's everybody's business, B. Come on. Help me out with my business here. Come how can the festive person have more grace and understanding for the frugal person? So there there is truth in that. Because you're never gonna put a Christmas tree in every room. That to you, that's ridiculous. Yeah. Okay. I enjoy decorating every room. Okay. So I've had to understand, okay, that if I like that, I like that. Mhmm. That you'll get the benefit of it, but I like that. And it balances out somewhere else in our life that there's things that you like that I don't care about, but you're gonna break your back to get it done. Okay? Because you enjoy that. Mhmm. And that's o okay because I remember 1 year, now I blame my hormones, but whatever, I didn't wasn't getting anybody's help. Nobody was helping me. This was about 10 years ago. And I remember I just went to the backyard and I just bawled and cried, Why do I do this? No one helps me and I whatever. I had to stop though and say, well, the truth is I could scale this way down. Nobody else cares about it like I do. Yeah. So this is what I enjoy. And if I enjoy doing it, I can ask for help, but I'm gonna do it. I can't force this on the rest of the family who doesn't really see the need for it. Now does everybody benefit from it and enjoy it when it's all done? Yes. But they would enjoy it at half capacity just as much. Yeah. So the other extreme, I do that for me. Yeah. I love it. That's good. I love it. I could do half and everybody would be happy. Nobody would say, Wow, mom, you're not bringing the game this year. This is terrible. You only integrated this one room. They'd be like, Okay, you must have been busy. I'm the one who is burdened by it that I didn't do it. So it's for me. So when I accept that, that I don't have to do this, there's no expectation from anybody for me to do this, it's really me, then I do it because I love it. Yeah. And if it takes me too much to do it because I like to piddle with it I'm not alone, by the way. There's a lot of people that are like me that I'm listening. I know. That's go crazy at Christmas. That's why I ask those that are like you to have patience for those that are not. And you know what? It's okay. Yeah. One thing is you always help me pack it up and put it away. But I am very much of a control freak when it comes to it anyway. So when the girls have helped me, I usually redo what they do. So instead of getting mad for not getting help, I just take my time, and I do it the way that I like it. Yeah. Now you're you're kinda you lied. I don't really help you do any of it, whether it's pulling it out or putting it away. That is totally on you and You tried to help me, and you got real bossy. Yeah. And I said, get out here. Yeah. Because I wanted to go, okay. Room 1, room 2. Nope. That is not happening. Room 4. Put everything in this box. Label it room 1. Yeah. You don't Because I don't do it the same. What did I do just yesterday? What was I doing this weekend? How about this morning? You just get up, and all we hear you doing is pickering around. You're putting up something else. It's it's another deal. Oh, well I took pillows off, and I brought them to your office Because your pill your office were here all the time. You don't have any Yeah. Only have 2 trees in there. Yeah. And even in you know what you missed? The podcast. You didn't get to decorate the podcast room. Ellen. How can that happen? Ashley. Oh my gosh. There's nothing in the pod except your red jacket. I'm devastated. Our cups aren't even Start over. Wow. These great stocking stuffers aren't even watch this video. You can only listen to it. And I'm gonna sing joy to the world. This is perfect. This is the perfect Christmas setup for me. See why I need to come and spread this magic everywhere? Yes. Yes. Do you see the gift that I bring? Yes, Mary. And and, you know, a lot of this stuff, could be expensive. Here's what I do appreciate about you, and it just extended it extended the Christmas holidays even past Christmas. What I did. You always wanted to stop by Cracker Barrel Oh, yeah. Any other place after Christmas because you were already thinking about the next Christmas, so you were gonna buy everything at half off or 25%. Yeah. You were gonna go ahead and buy. Stopped doing that. Yeah. But not because of me. I stopped doing that because they don't have they don't have stuff left over anymore. They don't? No. They scaled way back. Cracker Barrel ain't cracking anymore. They they're they're not cracking on Christmas. They're not cracking on Christmas, but that's how you would continue to extend it. And Yes. I would wait. And that's the 50% off. We had to save some in our Christmas budget For next year. For next year because we would then go shopping afterwards. Oh. To all those places. You are out there. You know who you are. Yeah. Some learned, from you and with you and walk this have walked this journey. I've learned from some. Yeah. That's true. You I've learned from some. That taught me how to do it. Yeah. Well, you gotta be thinking, how do I make these holidays fun? Yeah. And I appreciate your temperament and personality to be able to do it. Our kids, you know, they they're kinda like in between me and you. Yeah. Just depending on their schedule, what night you catch them, whether they participate, cooperate with you to decorate. Pretty much it's all you, but you'll catch them in between. And then when the holidays are happening, like they came up and saw the farmhouse and their saw the way their kids responded and all of that, they they so appreciate it. So, you know, for the humbugs, hopefully you're making money enough to be able to contribute to the addiction. God. It is. Your the other partner who's just all festive has, hopefully, you can contribute that way because it would really be a boring Christmas if it was just up to me. Even though I gotta say, you know, couple years there, I've done the 12 days of Christmas with you. I was gonna say you would I think you'd step in if I didn't do it. I just go so crazy with it that there's no room for you. Yeah. And I do that on purpose. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. You control it's, like, not fun. No. But I would do the 12 days of Christmas over the years, and I'd give you a gift 12 days out. That's a hard gift. On the 1st day of Christmas, and they were small things, 2nd day of Christmas. And Yeah. We did that last year. We did it last year. It was tough. I don't know what we did. I mean, I do know one gift you got me that was like I don't so one of those Instagram promotions that came from China. It never works. Never never works. You're supposed to you're supposed to push a button and it makes the best hot. So when I was hunting in The electrocuted heat. 20 20 degree temp heat should keep me warm. It's even warm. No, that was a scary mechanism. China. I didn't wanna risk, being electrocuted all for the sake of being out there in the heat. But we did 12 days of Christmas, which, that was kinda like my deal. So I was excited about that. And then at the last minute, you'd be running around grabbing things and sticking a bit of bed. Well, I'd already worked really hard. I had already worked really 12 days. 34 days of Christmas. Yeah. And why does that have to be 12 days? Yes. Yes. It needs to be 10 days. Yes. 5 days of Christmas. But we got our light fest. We've got kids shows. We got our church. Our kids are participating. Gosh. There's so much going on that's making the holidays special. And I would just encourage our audience, audience, to go out and make the holidays great. Go put some magic in it. Do something different, especially after hearing this podcast. Go out and do something different and unique for your family. Family is your business. It should be your top priority. That's right. And during the holidays, they need you a 100% present at all times. Work will always be there. You're gonna have to know when to turn it off because come January, it's time to turn it back on. But go enjoy your holiday season. Mary and I give you permission to do so. Make the holidays magical. Put magic in it. So thanks for joining us for another podcast of the family business with the Alessis. It's been great chatting with you today. You've just enjoyed another episode of the family business podcast with the Alessis, and we can't thank you enough for being a part of our podience today. Now that you've learned more about us, here's how you can join in in the family business. 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