The Family Peacekeeper: Are You Solving or Enabling Family Conflicts? | S7 E29

Do you always find yourself in the middle of family conflicts, trying to keep the peace? 

If so, you might be filling a role that no one asked you to fill - and it might be causing more harm than good. 

In this super transparent episode, Steve and Mary Alessi get real about the role of the peacemaker in the family, and discuss whether its a role that comes with it's own set of problems. You'll discover healthy ways to approach the conflicts that occur in every family, and see how setting boundaries on when to get involved can help your family handle them even better. 

Chapters

• 0:00 Coming Up In This Episode
• 1:45 Lets Talk About 'The Peacekeeper'
• 7:57 When Routines Have Routines
• 17:05 Dogs Do What Dogs Do
• 25:57 Peace Maker Vs. Peacekeepers

Transcript

0:00

Let me tell you one of the reasons why it's not so helpful. Are you going to hurt my feelings? No. No. Okay. No. Because sometimes it seems like. And if the mom is the peacekeeper, it's like she's taking sides. Oh. Or she's shielding the kids from the dad and the dad. Yeah, it's not shielding. She's taking sides with the kids. Hello, and welcome to another episod of the Family Business with the Alessi, where family is everybody's business. I'm Steve Alessi in the studio today with my beautiful wife, Mary Alessi. And it's because of her that our YouTube subscriber just hit 3500. Is that right? That's pretty fun. Look at us. So please join us, get on the band wagon and subscribe, because we want you all to be a part of what we're doing on a regular basis. Two very sweet things you called me. Did you say beautiful or gorgeous when you introduced? A little bit of both. And then you said because of me. Yeah, that's what I hear. Well, the marketing side of things. Because of us. That people are listening. You're sharp, you're smart, you're a good woman. You still good looking. Thank you. Okay, so listen, you have something you want to discuss? I do. Gosh, I can't wait to hear this intro. So we haven't even really prepped much for this, but I said I want to do this podcast. I have my coffee. I'm on the patio. Let's go. So let. I just. Yeah, we're going to throw even our listeners into this. Who knows what's going to happen? Go. It might not air. Let's see what happens. I want to talk about the peacemaker in the family or the Peacekeeper. Not maker, not the same thing. The peacekeeper. Ooh. In every family, there's always one. And I have a. AI has a definition. You want me to read AI's definition? I need my glasses, but that's okay. A peacekeeper in a family refers to a family member who actively tries to maintain harmony and avoid conflict by mediating between other members when disagreements arise, often putting their own needs aside to smooth over tensions and keep the peace, essentially acting as a go between to pacify angry or irritable family members. You know, I want to slap you right here on this in the studio. You just call me beautiful, bro. You woke up. Actually, this started this morning, right? Let's just start. Never slap me. No, I wish I could, but no. In my dreams, but no, not at all. No, I say this because you conflicting. You. You. You a Peacekeeper this morning I was not. Because it's Monday and I woke up a little on the grumpy side. You were creating tension. And this is what inspired you to come up with this because you had this. Did you send the definition to the girls? No, no, that's not what I sent them. Sent them something else. So about you? Yeah, so I was a little grumpled today. You were? Yeah, it was. Well, it was. It was a long. It was a long, busy weekend. Oh, Were you tired? See, senior weekend tired. And you get grumpy when you get tired. All right, Peacekeeper. See, this is where I'm going. Yes. All the Peacekeepers. Let it go. Let it go, because it's not yours to keep. All right, so you're the Peacekeeper in our family. Is. Do you. Would you agree to that? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Which is that hard to say? Huh? Is that hard to come out of your mouth? Because you know who that makes you. Oh, oh, you can call. But you know it's true. Goodness gracious. Okay, so, yeah. So back to this Peacekeeper that. Let's see, AKA martyr in the family. Well, oh, oh, I said that there are potential downsides. Yeah. I didn't need AI for that. Alessi knows that AI is very smart. A a, A Alessi, go. You are AI. See, I'm glad you got that. At least you think you are. You tell everybody that you're AI. The downside. Better than AI. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. Okay, so the downside to being a Peacekeeper while in. While well intentioned. Being a Peacekeeper can sometimes lead to neglecting one's own needs, feeling overwhelmed by family drama, and not addressing underlying issues effectively. That's not me. I was gonna say, where's this conversation really going today? No, it's. I'm not gonna make it about me. Okay. I think the. What? Here's the picture that I got. And it's been in our family over the years when, you know, three girls, a lot of drama, an older son, the mom, the, you know, raising teenagers are tough. Yeah. And three girls with cycles and hormones and boys with hormones. And we're trying to help our young families. I mean, that's the whole point. Getting through those seasons that you think we're coming apart at the seams and maybe you don't want to go home. And sometimes not every family looks the same. So sometimes the dad's the Peacekeeper and he handles that very differently than the mom. And sometimes the mom's the Peacekeeper. Sometimes there's a kid in the family that's the Peacekeeper. Yeah, that can happen. But the Peacekeeper always turns into the martyr because when they want to have a conflict and tensions, nobody really listens to them. So, Alan, who's the Peacekeeper in your home? Alan's question. Not on a mic. Right hand for yourself, left hand for Leah. He's the Peacekeeper. All right, all right. Well, let me Actually, you're back there. Thinking you're Getting away. Is 302-524-08. Is there a Peacekeeper in your house? Is it dad? No. Is it Mom? No. You. Is it you? No. Yes, it is. It's not. Is it your. Come on. Your sister? No way. Okay, a look at that. My respect level just went to a whole another level. No, because peace. No, because. Yes, absolutely. Your sister's sweet, but the problem with Peacekeepers, and I can speak of this because I have always been one, is that then you turn it on everybody and you become martyrs when you've had enough. See, that's it. And you got nobody to blame. Okay, so this is the part that irritates the heck out of the Peacekeeper, because all they want to do is bring peace. I don't want you to fight. I don't want you to be upset. I don't want us to be at odds. This is stupid. This is petty. And then the problem with that too is it's a form of control. Like, I'm the Peacekeeper, I can control everybody. I. I can come in. But the reality is nobody wants your help and they don't really want your interference. Yep. Okay. Sometimes you. They do. It's helpful, sometimes it's helpful. But for the most part, it's not as helpful as you would like for it to be. Let me tell you one of the reasons why it's not so helpful. Are you going to hurt my feelings? No. No. Okay. No, because sometimes it seems like. And if the mom is the Peacekeeper, it's like she's taking sides. Oh. Or she's shielding the kids from the dad. And the dad. Yeah, it's not shielding. She's taking sides with the kids. Yeah. Yeah. And she's. Yes. She's thinking she's protecting the kids, right? From the ogre. So this morning, the mean old. Yeah. So this Disruptor didn't, you know, was up a bit early, rolling around. So maybe the change of time messed up my sleep clock. So I was up earlier than I wanted to be. Couldn't go back to sleep. Right. Should have gone back to sleep. Needed the extra sleep after a busy Sunday. Didn't get it. So got up, was feeling good, walked outside. I asked a member of my family last night to take care of the animals. And there is a routine when it comes to taking care of the animals. Okay. And. And, And. Huh? No, you just. People need to know the truth about you, Steve. This is unfair for you to misrepresent yourself. Wait. Because I know where you're going, so why. Because the routine. Yes. Is so routine. Yes to the ridiculous. No. It helps. The next morning, so you put the dogs in the cage, food out, up, go out. That part. Put the food in their bowls, bring it, set it on top of the car cage, clean up all the mess outside, which was done a little bit, and then put the hose away, everything's good. So that then the next morning when you go out, you don't have to fight the big animal. Agree with you. I forgot to do that part. Trying to get the food inside their pen. Well, that was me, because we divided. So that was you. Yes. The other one took the garbages out. Because there's a whole routine to that too. It is Sunday night, so Monday, those garbages have to be out by the front. Yes. So there's a way. There is a way to do everything. Exactly. So it's not. Thank you for taking out the garbage. And by the way, we don't have just one garbage can in our kitchen. Somebody's got three garbage cans. It's the military expectation of the four corners. Woke up this morning, didn't. A little sleep deprived, and the coffee didn't work. And when I sat down and my one child who works on staff came in, I addressed a work performance issue in the first thing in the morning. Yeah. Slightly aggressive, went over like a hand grenade. And immediately I can sense. Oh, well, you have tension. You have been known to clear many a room. And immediately the peacekeeper. She'S on her way with her case. So I knew this was motivated by this morning. No, no. There's been many instances that this has been motivated by this morning. It just came to me, like, this would be a great podcast conversation. Okay. Because if we have this dynamic, every family, this dynamic. But what I have learned to stay out of it or not stir the pot. So this was the picture. So then I walk in a little bit later when I leave the room, and when I walk in, I heard somebody, Peacekeeper, saying to the other person, oh, he's just a little tired. No. What did I. No, I heard something. See I was not saying what did I hear? Nothing that I said. Did I say out loud? I say everything through text. So you did not hear that. Right. Mr. Were you feeling guilty? Is that why you started? Slightly. But my whole point was everybody has to take responsibility for the way we respond to things, the pressures, the tensions. And the point of making this about the Peacekeeper is that sometimes the Peacekeeper does not have to involve themselves. They can stay out. And I've learned that over the years, especially with Chris and you, that where we found peace was when I didn't try to keep peace. And I just let you and Chris work things out, even though I didn't always like the way you worked it out with him or him with you, because it would go both ways. Right. But if I stayed out of it, you guys always worked it out. So I had this visual and I. Think it's gonna help people give reference to that for a minute. Yeah, it's true. Because the peace disrupter. Yes. Usually processes after the grenade goes off and things start to settle in. Yeah. Because the issue is usually not the issue in the moment. There's a lot of background noise going on. Pressure that that created today. There was a lot of just other things going on or a few other things. Not a lot. A few other things that were going on that created it. So if the Peacekeeper understands that the peace disruptor will, okay, will be able to process and work some things out, then over time, the peace disruptor disrupts the piece less and less. Absolutely. Because you don't want the mess. No, you don't want the mess. You disrupt the piece less and less because you don't want the mess there. You put that on a shirt. Yes, there you go. And here's the issue. What started over here, when the Peacekeeper wants to get involved, all of a sudden shoots over here to the Peacekeeper, and that can't happen. They get the brunt. They get the brunt of it. So I had this visual. Yes, that was really good, the way you just described that. And for all the Peacekeepers out there, the visual that I had was, imagine on your stove that however many family members you have, you put a pot of water for each family member on the stove and you turn them on midway. And let's say, for instance, the person, you might have a few disruptors in your family that just feel what they feel. Right. And they're all now going to boil. And you feel the pressure of the boil. Here it comes. And you feel the responsibility to run in and make sure that it doesn't boil over. You're trying to keep the lids on the boil. And here's where the peace can come, really come, is when the Peacekeeper doesn't say, says to themselves, I'm not responsible for that boiling water. I didn't get the pot out. I didn't put it on the stove. I didn't turn the oven up. Not my circus, not my monkey. There we go. I was waiting for that term. It just came out. I didn't make this drama. I don't have to clean up this drama because that's part of the other thing. The Peacekeeper is going ahead, going, you're going to be sorry. You're going to have a lot of mess to clean up. Well, the truth is, sometimes, and I've seen it in our own family, that mess of the boiling over was really healthy to clean it up because everybody had to humble themselves. And when you don't have any moments where we have to humble ourselves as a family and come in the room and go, I caused that overflow. That was on me and I'm sorry. I take responsibility. That's not what I meant. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. And the other person goes, I overreacted. I shouldn't have responded. What are you looking for? Nothing. I got to send a I'm sorry text right now. Stop. I don't want to mess this up. I'll forget. Go ahead. Right now, in the middle of this podcast, you're going to apologize. I'm trying to lead by example. Well, you need to read it to. Our listeners, how they respond. Okay, no, but, you know, but those are the things that happen when we don't interfere and overused. Maybe our gift of being a peacekeeper to the ridiculous, where we feel this pressure and now we are burdened with. This is who I am in the family and I have to do this when it's never really appreciated in the. Long run, it's really not, Mary. And you know what? The Peacekeeper doesn't always look. They don't always look good. They don't. Because the Peacekeeper has to somehow get in the middle of this. And if they're not careful, they can start manipulating things and it comes across disingenuous terribly. And you can create, instead of letting. Things happen, the worst dynamic just kind of happen. Just let it be. If you're having words with one of the your young adults, that's what. And let me just say, years ago, I settled that. I settled that. This morning was one of Those situations, though, where I. What happened? Oh, my God. Big emoji with tears in the eye. I told you. Yeah. Okay. Okay. See, I'm going back with hearts. Oh, my God. Oh. For the listener who's not watching this, but you're listening. Just know that no matter how old your family members get, you're always working things out. It's always. And it's done. Gotta love you back. Look at that. See there? You see what happens when you stay out of it? Oh, yeah, I stayed out of it, all right. I just made that family member stronger. This is what the disruptor tells themselves. See, I am a better person than you. Well, let's go back to something for a minute. Okay. Families in the household are no different than the dogs in the pen. Yeah. Those dogs do what dogs do. Right. And that's why every day at the end of the day, when I go out and I put them away, I have to clean up their mess. Yes. Their poop. Yeah. Which I did clean up last night, by the way. A little bit, but. And you did a decent job. But with families, there's always going to be that mess. There's always going to be that blowout. Things are going to happen. People don't feel good. There could be bad mornings, Someone didn't sleep. Somebody overslept, somebody had a terrible nightmare, going through something. Somebody got stomach bug in the middle of the night. Yes. They wake up that things are not perfect. They, they. They can start an argument. Somebody's taking it personal, and. And there it sits on the floor. Yeah. And somebody's got to clean that up. Right. Right. And I would say that the more you let me clean up my message, the, the quicker I'm going to learn not to make a mess. Right. Because I get tired of cleaning up. Absolutely. So it's like a man who just loses his templar. Or a woman and she's got to hit. Break a glass. She gets mad, throws the glass down, or man hits the wall. The more they have to clean up the glass and repair the wall, the less they'll do those things. So the peacekeeper. Excuse me, the peacekeeper has their role. Yeah. But it's almost like I'm not going to get involved in your stuff. And it's like you looking at me saying, steve, you know what? You know what you got to do? Well, that's. I'm not going to. Don't pull me into this. You're. You're a grown man. Yep. And whatever the relationship is, if peace has been disrupted or there's an irritation. It's not my business. Yeah. And you'll work it out. And it goes both ways. Yeah, but I, but I think that if not contained. And again, we're not talking about the toxic levels of people that create so much disruption and the whole family trembles. We're talking about the normal everyday family and the things that every single family goes through. I don't care who you are, we are all the same. We all go through the same thing. That's what we're talking about. But the way to really have peace is to just let people be people. Let your family member be your family member. And as it pertains to kids and moms and dads, the mom may feel like she's got to protect the kid. Right? Right. Because dad may be too hard or vice versa. Mom, that dad feels like, you know, he's got to protect the daughter because mom has been kind of, you know, hard or whatever. It's not bad for your kid to have to learn how to handle a difficult situation. That's right. I'm glad that my daughters have to process dealing with me. Yeah. It's making and will make them a better spouse. They have to know how to deal with an imperfect man. Right. A man that has, you know, his mood swings, his ups and his downs. Just like we do. It's good that we. That's right. Allow our kids. So a parent can't always rush in and try to protect the kid from that. It's going to happen because one day that kid's going to go to the office and they're going to have to deal with a man or a woman that is like their sibling and mommy can't or daddy can't come rushing in to help him. At the workplace. It's like an over parent dad, over parenting dad who is at the soccer field or the basketball court or baseball diamond, football field trying to get into the fight between him and the coach. The kid, he gets in a fight with the coach because he's not happy with the way the coach is coaching the kid. Well, what I found this most athletes in sports today never had a parent get in the way of their kid. Their coach, A parent that got in the way and thought they needed to fight the coach or the referee, his kids. Probably not in professional sports. Absolutely. Because that kid had to learn how to be an athlete. And you have to be an athlete dealing with a tough coach, parents to. Have to stay out of it. An umpire that makes a bad call or another athlete that runs your kid over you know, you gotta let them grow up. So a Peacekeeper has their place in the home. And I'm thankful for the voice of peace that you bring. I am. You're making me cough now. But at the same time, it's how to bring peace to the table. And as we see, even on the government level. Holy moly. You try to be a Peacekeeper, you're going to have to get in the middle of some negotiations and figure out how to say things the right way and do it the right way. Oh yeah. I think it really does come down to everybody stopped taking themselves so seriously and guarding things so tightly for perfection. Family is the least perfect place in the world. We're not perfect. We have issues, we have problems. We. We are on each other's nerves. We are 24 7, you know, waking up with each other's. We see each other's flaws and just the worst side of each other. And sometimes we just put too much pressure. Yeah. On our. But can you see why God has the family dynamic set up even in its flawed state? Absolutely. Because that's how you're going to deal with life in the real world. But it's your real people that treat you like you really need to be treated. You get trained, you do. Right there. For how to handle. It's true. All aspects of it. Because if kid, you know, a kid's going to go to be raised in your home if they're not taught how to take care of their room, make their bed and make sure their room's picked up and their bathrooms cleaned and so on. What happens when they go to college and they're in a dorm? Then what happens when they come home, get into a marriage and Absolutely. Now they got a spouse. Those skills they learn in the home. In the home. And the same thing applies to how they deal with interactions where there is a peace disruptor and a Peacekeeper, which. The point is that's why everybody has to stay in their lane. Yeah. Let disruptions come. It's okay. Don't. For the Peacekeepers, let it go. Relax. Don't feel like you are somehow responsible for it all. And you know, one of the reasons why this can be dangerous for the Peacekeeper is you might have one of your children watching you. And I think about this all the time. You know, your kids do what you do and they might not be naturally Peacekeepers. Maybe they're picking up on it. Okay, so I'll give an example. All right. When over the years I've really thought, examined myself. Am I a Natural peacekeeper. Is that my personality trait or have I learned that because of toxic traits? Watching my mom and dad when I was a kid. Now, I can't say that my parents fought a lot. They did not fight a lot. I wouldn't even tell you one was a disruptor and one was a peacekeeper. But the truth was they never really dealt with their issues. They would not deal with conflict at all. So then when they got divorced, there was, I think, something that I naturally just took on me to not let anything happen because conflict is bad and conflict leads to separation. And I think subconsciously that messaging was strong in my life. I had to give that to God because that was not the case. That did not have to be the end result. So I think it's really important for peacekeepers to examine why do they feel this urge and this need to just instinctively be the first one up and turn it, to turn the temperature down and nobody fight. And dad, you're over this, and mom, you need to that and you just relax. Why do we feel like we have to be the referee of the home when we don't examine that and then move on from that and say, that's not good for me. I've got little eyes watching me that might pick up some habits for their future and not even know why. And it's not good. And then they have this inner conflict because by nature, they're not peacekeepers. It's just an adapted trait that they picked up because they watch mom do it. And so because mom was neurotic and a peacekeeper because of her contentious family, now you just pass it down through the lineages and through the legacy of your children. And it's so. It's so important to know what's healthy and to know what's not healthy. And being a peacemaker, yep, is healthy. But being a peacekeeper all the time, nobody needs to take that role on. Yeah, just drop that badge right now. There. There is something to be said for the peacemakers. Absolutely. It's biblical. Yes. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children. The children of God. So that's pretty cool. So to those of you who are peacemakers, take your bow. That's it. Now, to those who are peace disruptors, remember this. The meek shall inherit the earth. So on our end of it, as a person that may be a little bit more aggressive, wanting to handle things in the moment maybe allows feelings to, you know, just cause them to say things, do things, just they feel it, they say it. If they think It. They say it. If that causes disruption in the home, then what you ultimately want to be able to do is step back for a minute. Because one, you don't want anybody to think that that's normal on a regular basis. It happens every so often. Right. But you shouldn't walk in every room and disrupt everything. No. And just your very presence causes you to look at the negative, see the negative, say the negative, then that causes some pain. So when I said something today, I didn't mean to, but it did cause someone to get their feelings hurt. So you got to always be willing to step back and say, all right, am I doing this? Is if this. Am I causing this? You don't want to do that. You have to be able to catch yourself because you don't want that dysfunction to seem like it's normal. Right. Behavior and that every relationship has it. There should be peace in the home. Because though we say, all right, you're being trained in the home for what's going to happen in the real world, the real world is not going to give you the peace you're looking for. So I'm looking forward somewhere. I better get it home. That's right. It should be at home. Right. So, but so for the peace disruptor, it's like sit back and realize that you don't want to keep sowing those seeds of contention because they do produce just a harvest of just disaster over the many years. I just don't ever. I just never wanted our kids to tiptoe around you like we tiptoed around my dad. And I remember feeling those feelings of if I upset my father in any way, he was such a joker, but if I upset him, he'd ice me out. Yeah. And I think a lot of that peacekeeper in me, not to psychoanalyze, but I had to deal with that and give it to God. Yeah. That a lot of it was projected onto you and you could not be further from my father's personality. Yeah. So you. You'd say it and get over it. Let's go eat. And that's so healthy tempering, not ever wanting to be too aggressive or mean. It's not your heart. No. No. But I had to learn not to project that on to you. And it's what I stop myself and go, why? Why this need to not let things be disrupted? Why this need that? Why am I so freaked out about Steve and the kids having an argument or the kids having an argument with their dad? Why? What. What is this anxiety that comes up in me and When I realized, it's none your business, Barry, I realized where that came from. If it's not my business to be. And Steve is an amazing father. We have great kids. They can have a disagreement, they can have an argument, they can have conflict. It's okay. You can get mad. And guess what? I can too, and it's okay. But where did I get that? And I dealt with that years ago through Search for Significance, which is a great book, but it really taught me to go back and go, where did I pick up those truths that I tell myself are true when they're not? They're lies. And that's why we joke about it and we go kind of, well, it's the peacekeepers and the disruptors. And it is. But a lot of times it can be motivated by the wrong things. So we gotta look at that in ourselves. I had to look at that in myself. I did not realize my peacekeeping was a disruption. Yeah. Now that's a drop the mic moment right there. There you go. I finally got one. Thanks for admitting it. That's beautiful. I finally got one. Oh, my gosh, 30 minutes. How many episodes finally get to that. Until I finally got to drop the mic moment. I'll say. And we have to say this because just people need to bring balance to this conversation. We're not talking about a disruptor. That's abusive. No. If there's abuse, then that's going to require a little bit more. That's not what we're talking about. We're not talking about that. I've never abused my kids. I've never abused you. I've been hard. I've been strong. You've been strong. Absolutely. On occasion you can get hard. Absolutely. That's beautiful. I like it. A strong woman. But we're talking about some kind of, like, simple things that just erupt. That happens. And it's not even anger sometimes. It's just a different kind of disruptor because you're the moody. A person's moody or snaps back quicker or is prone to get upset and isolate. It's all kinds of ways that the person can be a disruptor. I would just say of the home, though, for both parties, both. Everybody in the home. And the Bible says, seek peace and pursue it. That there is something golden about that. Yeah. And that would ultimately be the goal of everyone who comes home. Go into that house and just try to leave off the stuff that's just causing you so much angst on the outside. And I would say for the family members, if there is information that's brought up that could all of a sudden create friction and a disruption of the household peace. Maybe show a little grace and a lot of patience to say what's causing this without saying it, but being sensitive to what. What happened today, and I would just say part of the little bit of a emotional response to what I said today came because if I look at what this person went through this weekend, there was highs and there was some lows that they experienced. Right. And that exhaustion and emotional drain came just a grenade. Yes. You drew it. It came at the wrong time. So there was a lot there. Which now allows us, thankfully. Scripture says, let not the sun go down on your wrath. We can deal with it even through text, something as simple as that. Right. We're going to get the peace in the household. Absolutely. So when I see them later today, there'll be an embrace, there'll be a little kiss on the cheek, and there'll be a thank you and all that. So that we know this didn't get carried into tomorrow. And you didn't get in the middle of the. I did not. And get mad at me. Nope. Where we fought all day today. Because I was mad at you. And that could have happened. Absolutely. And I want to just say this one last memory that I had that helped me turn the corner, because it just came to me years ago when Stephanie was about 13 or 14. I don't even know if she remembers it. She's got your personality. You guys are so much alike. She responds to things the same way you do. I would not say she's a peacekeeper from that meet. Like me. Right. She's different. And I remember coming around the corner one day and I thought I had done such a good thing because I had gotten in the middle of it. You were mad at me, but I had gotten in the middle of it, and I was like, you know, babe, you need to be sweeter. You know? You know, and you got mad. Let me deal with her. Let me have this conversation. And I was mad at you because you got mad at me. And I'm just trying to help, and you're not listening. And so Stephanie got upset and whatever. And I remember a couple hours later, she's upstairs talking to her sisters about it. And if she was 13, Laura must have been 12, and that made Gabby 10. And I remember I walked up and I heard her say, you know, I'm trying to tell dad how I feel. And mom comes in, and I wish she would just stay out of it. I'm like. But I'm the peacekeeper. It's what I do. You need me. What do you mean? Oh, I love my daughter. I remember going. That was one of the beginning stages for me to say, you know what? Yeah, fine. You deal with it all by yourself. I'm out. I'm gonna go take a bath. Oh, that's it. I'm done. That right there will bring some peace to me. Let me just see you in the bathtub. Oh, Lord. Wow. Help us, Jesus. Okay, so this. This episode is going to be required listening for all the in laws in our family. Okay? So they get to know our care, our girls, and our son. By the way, other than yourself. Oh. Which of our four kids are the peacemakers? I could tell you who he is. Well, Chris. No. Lauren is not a peace. Likes to watch. He likes to sit on the sidelines and eat the popcorn and watch the. Lauren is not a Peacekeeper. You said it today. Gee, Steve, she is so much like you. You just said Stephanie's not the peacekeeper. Probably Gabby. Gabby's not a peacekeep. She can stand her ground. She'll. She'll come back. Let me tell you why. You want to know why? You want to know why? Because they weren't raised in a toxic, weird eggshell. No household. But poor Christopher. He's the peacekeeper boy in the family is just like you. That's cool. Which is why you need to keep listening to the family business with the Alessi, because we will help you identify the peace and the peace disruptors in your family as well. Thanks for joining us. We hope you had fun because today we sure did. As we talked about keeping the peace, you've just enjoyed another episode of the Family Business podcast with the Alessi, and we can't thank you enough for being a part of our pawdience today. 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