Iron Sharpens Iron: What Every Man Needs In Order to Level Up (with Aaron Walker)

Ever wondered what it really takes for men to finish well in life—at home and in business? 

In this powerful throwback episode, Steve Alessi sits down with entrepreneur Aaron Walker to talk about the life-changing impact of brotherhood, the painful lessons from tragedy, and why being vulnerable just might be the key to true success.

From mastermind groups to working with family, these stories go deeper than the Sunday morning message and challenge everything you thought about personal growth and priorities. 

Our guest Aaron Walker, founder of the Iron Sharpens Iron Mastermind Group, has coached hundreds of high-achieving men for decades and built a reputation as a leader of leaders.  With 40+ years as a successful businessman and owner of fourteen lucrative businesses, he uses his experience to help cultivate success and significance. His organization hosts growth-minded community and mastermind groups designed to help the unique challenges of being Godly men, husbands, fathers, and business owners. 

Transcript

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Hello and welcome to another episode of the Family Business with the Alessi's. With Steve and Mary Alessi here just giving you a little introduction. Look, we are getting ready for season eight. Very excited about over 200 episodes that we have been able to record. Some of them, if you were to go way back and listen to, you would be inspired. But we're going to go ahead and help you do that because there's so many. We're going to pull together a few that we're going to play at this time. Kind of a throwback and say, all right, here's a great episode that we know is going to be a great help to you. So why don't you sit back and enjoy another episode of the Family Business with the Alessi's. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Family Business with the Alessi's. I'm Steve Alessi, and here today we're going to be talking family and business because let's face it, family, family is everybody's business. I have a guest with me today and I'm really excited about making this podcast happen. We've actually tried to do this one time before and it just didn't happen, which shows me, evidently, this one's going to be even more powerful because all the powers that be are trying to keep us from connecting. So, Mr. Aaron Walker, so glad to have you with us today. Thanks for joining us and welcome to, let's see, sunny South Florida on a beautiful day while you sit in your. Your office all those miles away. No, it is, Steve. Thanks for having me, buddy. I've been so looking forward to this. We did have a hiccup on the last one, but I'm like, you, man. Let's make this one twice as good. I like that. Very good. Listen, I'm looking at your. Some of the information here, just about you. So you've been in business for over 42 years? Yeah, entrepreneur. Started my first business at 18 years old and I'll be 62 coming up pretty soon, so. Yeah, well, I was trying to figure out your age. That's why I was going that way. So you and I are same age. I like that. There you go. What happened to. The hair? We're. We're gonna already start the hair jokes already. Yeah. So I'll turn the table on you. Somebody asked me why I did this, and I looked at Steve and I said, because that was my other option. So I chose this. That's why I look so young. Steve, I don't look 62. Right? Good for You. Good for you. Actually, you. You cut all the gray out. You got all the gray out. Well, you got. You definitely look like all the guys that hang out in South Florida because all these lat. They're losing their hair early. So. I know. I guess yours is by choice. That's a good thing. It is, but it is by choice. Yeah. It was starting to recede and then bald. And I said, hey, I gotta, you know, I gotta do something about this. So I shaved it off. Now I don't have to worry about either. You look great for 62. You look great and take care of yourself. No doubt about it. Well, here's. I expect that from a guy like you because here you are, you're entrepreneur, you've built some great businesses, you've been a success. You hang out with somebody in a mastermind group. I actually, actually refer to him as. Excuse me for saying it like this. Damn Ramsay. He gets everybody's attention, doesn't he? He sure does. Wow. We've been friends 30 years. Come on, what's that like? Long time, you know, I'll tell you how we met. Actually, now that you brought it up, in 19 early 90s. I remember the exact year. 93, somewhere around 94. Right around there I was headed to the office and the Madison Chamber of Commerce was hosting a guy that was going to be a keynote speaker that morning. So I stopped and there were about 25 people. And we were at Luby's cafeteria and there's this guy standing up there telling about a radio show he was going to start to teach people to get out of debt. And I thought, well, that's pretty cool. Went up and introduced myself after he made his presentation, invited him down to our business and he walked in, he said, man, I love this. This is amazing. Would you advertise and be a sponsor on my radio show? And I said, no. I said, nobody's ever even heard of you? Like, no, why would I do that? And he said, it's going to be a hit. It's going to be a great show. And I said, there's no way. He goes, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll give you a free week if you'll try me. He goes, you got nothing to lose. And I went, you're right, I'll try you. Well, that was the beginning of a 30 year relationship. I sponsored his show for 21 years as a result of that interaction and became very good friends. He was very good for our business. And then later in, invited me to Join his mastermind group, which radically changed my life. Well, you could see that you've sowed into rich soil there, and no doubt it's returned a real harvest in your life. He has helped so many couples, even in our church ministry, through all of the resources and their own connect groups that we use his information in. And, man, we shot it from the big platform for the longest time. Just great resources that have really helped us get control of our financial resources and help people understand the value of their money. And, you know, we do. You know, you and I, all of us, we're. We're in a kingdom mindset work, and we realize that the resources God has deposited into our life, we're stewards of those things, and we got to be good stewards. And he has helped many. I, I, we're talking about Dave Ramsey. And of course I refer to him in that way is damn Ramsey. Because everything he tells you is the very opposite of what your flesh wants to do with money. But he teaches you such great principles, and I'm very thankful for that, and I'm thankful that you've been able to sow for all those years into that ministry to help you. You know what's kind of cool is he started out from the very beginning that he required his staff to come to devotion on Wednesday morning. And he invited me right out of the gate. He said, would you come and lead our devotion? And we sat around their coffee table in their break room where all three of us sat. And I led the first devotion that I got an opportunity to lead for him. And the last one that I went and spoke at, at his, there were five or 600 employees, and now I think there's over 11 or 1200. Wait a minute. You said there was three of you in that first meeting total? Totally three in the first devotion. We were just starting, you know, I mean, he had just started the radio show, and so it's been pretty cool to see his commitment to follow through with having a mandatory devotion every Wednesday morning and brought in guest speakers now from all over the world. But we spent 12 years in his conference room every Wednesday for an hour and a half doing life together. And it's, as I said earlier, impacted my life in an immeasurable way. Yeah. And Dave's just been a really good friend. Let me thank you for all those compliments. Oh, are you kidding, man? But, but, you know, that shows how important it is for. For men to have mentors in our world. I mean, for you to be able to connect with that. What what has that done to you? Just as a man and a professional? Yeah. Well, here's the thing. We'll dive into this. I wasn't prepared to do this, but I'm a transparent, vulnerable kind of guy, so I'll just share the whole story. So in 2001, you know, I ran over and killed a pedestrian on my way to the office. And it radically impacted me, needless to say. And it was right about that time that I needed people in my life like that. I needed people like Dave in my life. And this is about when he was starting that mastermind and he contacted me and said, hey man, I want you to join the group. And I went to Robin and I said, I don't want to go. She said, why? I said, you know how Dave is. He's all forward, he's up in your face and he calls you out and he's going to find out I've got real estate debt. I don't want him to know that. And he's going to find out that I don't have all the answers. And I'm like, maybe embarrassed. And she said, I think you should go and try it. So I went and hung out for a couple of weeks and guys started to share pretty intimate stuff, like we're sharing problems with their marriage or some guy was sharing cash flow problems. And I came back one day and I was laughing when I walked in the house on Wednesday. When I got back, Robin goes, what are you laughing about? I said, robin, these guys have let that veil down. Like they're gut level, honest. They're like transparent. I said, I have found my people. She said, what do you mean? I said, they're just as screwed up as I am. And I said, I think that we can figure this out together. And so that went on a 12 year journey every Wednesday morning. And I think the impact it's had in my life in every area. It doesn't matter if it's personal, professional or spiritual. They call you to a higher level. And there were some quality guys in that room. One of the things that I want to point out, Steve, is that those men weren't who they are then now. I mean, they were like all of us, right? Starting, we're trying to figure it out, pouring into each other. And it's because of us meeting together, honing each other, sharpening the ax, calling each other out, holding each other accountable, studying, going to a deeper level, meeting each and every week that didn't allow us to hide. And they knew me. Well, they knew me Intimately, and they could help me. And they called me out so many times. You may have heard of James Ryle. James Ryle was in our group. He was a Promise Keeper speaker, traveled all over the world, speaking for Promise Keepers. And James called me. I was in this really dark spot in my life during this time where I had run over this pedestrian, and I couldn't get over it. I don't know, Steve, if you've ever been in a place like that, but no matter how hard I pray, no matter what I do, there's this sense of desperation. There's this feeling of guilt and anxiety, and I could not get over it. I just couldn't. I talked about it every week. And so I was at the Ace Hardware on a Saturday morning, and I get a phone call from James Ryle, one of the guys in the group. And we never called each other on the weekend. We respected everyone's family and their privacy. And I thought, man, this is going to be really, really important. Really, really good or really, really bad. I don't know which it is. I answered it, and I said, yeah, James. And he said, big A, what are you doing? I said, I'm at Ace Hardware buying some stuff for the house. And he said, you got a minute? I said, yeah, sure. I said, let me go outside where I can hear you. And I went outside in the parking lot just outside of Nashville, in Hendersonville, where we live. And I said, yeah, James, what is it? He said, I was praying for you this morning, and God gave me a word for you. And I was like, oh, man, this guy walks on water. Like, I'm excited about what he's going to say. And I said, what is it, James? And he said, you're wearing the hell out of everybody in our group. And I just kind of laughed. And I thought, james, what? What? He goes, no, really? And I said, james, I don't. I don't even know how to respond to that. He said, I was reading in Isaiah this morning where God says, take the chains from around your neck and move on. He said, it's time you were moving on. I see you, buddy. I gotta go. And he hung up. I was so mad. He had ruined my whole Saturday. He upset me. I was offended, and then I started crying. And I said he loved me enough to tell me the truth. That following Wednesday, I walked in. I'm a big guy. You haven't met me in person. That's why they call me Big a. But I'm 64235. He's 5 7, weighs about 150. I walked around the table. He thought I was going to hit him. And I leaned over and I hugged him, tears running down my face. And I said, thank you. Yeah. See, if it wasn't for men like that, I still would be in a fetal position underneath my desk, sucking my thumb probably. But I said that guy cared enough about me to pull me up, to push me on and call me out. Yeah. You see, if we're not surrounding ourselves with people like that all the time that love us enough to say the hard stuff. And I don't know where I would be today. Gosh. Well, we. We have and share a similar love and passion for helping men be the men that God's called them to be. And you just can't do that as a man on an island unto yourself. And, you know, we. We sit down with our guys and we talk about that whole phrase iron sharpening iron. And we then throw up on the screen the. The process of what that looks like. And let me tell you, it's not a sweet process. It's not an easy process. It's violent, it's aggressive. Yes. There's sparks flying all over the place. That heat is everywhere. And, you know, that's. That's the image that we have of what iron sharpening iron is looking like. So that that's what one man needs to be to another. And we say it, let's face it, our wives can't do that for us. Our moms can't do that for us, not even our dads. Sometimes it takes another man of similar statue or at least age to be able to look us in the eyes and help us deal with some of those areas of our life that maybe others just will not speak into. So already I can see here, big A, how valuable or just what kind of man you are, not just in statue, but that you're willing and able to let other guys speak into your world. You talk about. I think you said something really important, and I don't think the audience needs to gloss over this. You said, here we are isolated, and there's so many men today living in isolation, they don't know where to turn. They don't know who to talk to. And God designed us to be in community, no question about it. And I'm thoroughly convinced that isolation is the enemy of excellence. And if you really want to excel and go to another level and it's incumbent on you to get people around you that will call you out, that will complement your superpowers, point out your kryptonite show you your blind spots and love you enough to tell you the truth and not let you fall off in the ditch. And so that's what I've been able to do for 25 years now. And it's just made all the difference in the world in my life. Let me ask you something. You mentioned that. How many Just, just. And you don't mind, we could be a little vulnerable here, since we can be vulnerable. But how many real friends. Do you think you have male friends in your life today? How many of them? I personally have a number of them because relationships matter most and because I'm willing to be vulnerable and transparent. I have a number of them. But statistics show that the average man doesn't have two people that they'll confide in. Right. They don't have no more than one that they'll be really intimate with. And that's a travesty because if that person's taken away, you need more relationships than that. Here's what I have found over the years, is that most people are hiding behind this veil. They don't want people to know that they don't have it all figured out. They think they'll think less of me, and which is not true. You make such an indelible impression on others when you're vulnerable and you're transparent. It endears you to other men because they're like, oh, this guy's real. I can really share. I can be authentic. And once you get that bond and you get that relationship, there's nothing on earth like having that camaraderie, that kindred spirit, and people that will walk with you in the good and the bad. Yeah, I like to say it this way, man. If you can count them on one hand, you're a real blessed man. Most people can't even fill all five fingers with somebody that they consider close. Fortunately, this is what I love about my church work. Being in the same city I pretty much was born into and raised my whole life. I have a lot of acquaintances along the way, but I've got a few great guys that are up close and personal. And that's what we feel as men is just so important. You mentioned your. Your accident that you had where. My gosh, it would have destroyed a lesser man. No doubt about that. How do you recover mine? 15 years ago was a heart attack out of nowhere. The widowmaker. And somehow the Lord allowed me to get past that. For 42 minutes. The guys worked on me and the paramedics, and thankfully they were able to keep Me alive. But, you know, I'm releasing something coming in January. But the bottom line to that particular story that the Lord has finally allowed me to come into is, you know, things happen in life that you really think cause you to be washed up, you're finished. But when you go through that thing that causes you to think you're finished, and yet you still have to learn how to finish well, that's when you could take those setbacks in life. And even as men, failures, moral failures, whatever it may be, marital failures, financial failures, those things don't have to destroy us and take us out, but instead, it really could help motivate us in the right way of thinking, with the right people around us, changing those voices to help us make better choices, they could help us really finish well in our lives. And I think when you and I share this screen Together at 62, I'll be there November of this year. Hey, more than ever now, I'm focusing on how to finish well, because we could one bad misstep at this season of life. The domino effect of all the good that we've ever done will be attributed to, well, he's just one of those guys, just another guy. But we really can't. Well, we could go on and on just about the men which I so value. Let me ask you this, though, before I get to more personal. Your family, because I love that you work with your family and business. Your mastermind. You actually have a national men's mastermind organization right now. Tell me a little about that, because I really want our audience to be able to tap into that. Yeah, it's

called Iron Sharpens iron, right? Proverbs 27: 18:13

17. You know it? Well, I didn't want to do that. I retired 12 years ago, and I said, I'm finished. And then when I started coaching, a couple of guys fell in love with that process, started being on a few podcasts and telling our story. People started coming from everywhere saying, man, I want more of that. Like, I want to be involved in that. And then we look up one day, we got 15 mastermind groups. We're in five different countries around the world. And God's put a real vision on our heart in order to grow that. And because of the lives that are being transformed, they're virtual meetings. We happen once a week at this designated hour with 10 people. We help you create aspirational goals personally, professionally, relationally, spiritually, and financially. And then we've developed an accountability tool that overlays on top of those aspirational goals to make sure that you accomplish what it is that you're setting out to do. We do what's called man in the middle every single week, where the man will focus primarily on one individual. You're on a rotation basis, so, you know, every five weeks, you're a man in the middle. We do what's called a full cup, where we're always sharing resources, ideas, tips, tricks, hacks, books, whatever it is that you need to accomplish some of those goals. We cross pollinate all the groups so everybody gets to know everybody. We built a community, and that's really what it is. It's more of a movement than anything. Now. These people are going in business together, they're supporting one another, they're buying real estate together, they're making investments together, they're traveling together. It's phenomenal at the interaction that these men are having, because we're at the speed of trust, right? We've overcome those obstacles, and now you can let your guard down and do business with these people. And so literally all over the world now we have participants that are involved, and they can do that because we're virtual. Twice year, we get together in person. Historically, it's here in Nashville. And we bring everybody together and we do a live mastermind meetup. And then we go back and we continue to meet weekly. We do master classes once a month on every topic that you can possibly imagine. We bring in guests and we have guest speakers. It's. There's so many things that we do as it relates to growing you personally and professionally and spiritually, every area of your life. And the reason I've got this passion, Steve, for doing this is because when I was about 38 years old, I came home with a pocket full of money to a house full of strangers. And my wife came up to me and she said, thank you for all that you've provided for our family. We have a beautiful home, a vacation home. We have all the toys. But I feel like a single mom. I'm taking our daughters to cheerleading practice and to Brownies and Girl Scouts and piano recital, and I really need your help. It was a wake up call for me, and I said, I'm having great success at the expense of my family. And at the end of the day, if that happens to you, you still come home a loser. And I don't want men to come home a loser. I want them to end well, and I want them to have great balance. I want them to prioritize their priorities, and I want them to spend an inordinate amount of time on those priorities. And for me, God is first and foremost, then Robin, then my girls, then my grandkids, then my business. And if I can't make it happen in this designated period of time for my business, then I'll get to it tomorrow. Because you don't get but one go through with those kids. You have multiple opportunities. I've started multiple businesses. There's always an opportunity to make more money. But I've only got one chance with that family, and I don't want to mess that up. I don't want other guys to mess it up either. Yeah, I love that. You know, when the Bible talks about the two becoming one in marriage, I feel for some guys because they just don't allow that, that completeness, that that aspect of their wife to be able to come in and complete them because they're doing so much on their own. Just imagine when we get that relationship right with her and she's that priority in our life, man, how much more can we really do in our families or in our professional lives outside or in our ministry lives? So I admire so much about that kind of program that you put together to help men see the value of that, because all the voices on the outside are not saying that to them. They're telling them they can do it on their own or they can do it with a couple of women by their sides instead of the one. So that's powerful stuff. Which then brings me to this. You work with your daughter, you work with family. Tell us a little about that. I've had probably every family member we've got work for me over the course. This is our 14th business in 43 years. And so I've had the majority of every family member we've got work for me at some given point. It's a really special time right now. Brooke is my oldest daughter. She's the chief operating officer of our company. When I started this company nine years ago, I said, hey, I need a little bit of help. And she came on part time then, and as we've grown, she's morphed into the chief operating officer, leads our team. Now. That doesn't go without challenges, right? The family dynamic brings challenges along with it, and it's difficult oftentimes, but we have found a way to make it work. I wouldn't have it any other way. She's doing an amazing job. And, man, I love having my daughter there by my side on a regular basis and able to communicate. And of course, you know, you work with all your family and so you know what a real blessing that that can be. And so it's just been a wonderful experience. Yeah. Oh, man. I love that when a man can pour back into his own family and teach them from his example. Yeah. From his just knowledge and wisdom. Love that he can pour that into them. Because what we do find. I know in my line of work, so many guys that. That are pastoring, they pour into their own staff, they pour into the leadership, and sometimes they forget that they need to show that same kind of urgency and diligence and intentionality to pour into their own kids that they could be able to do that. So I actually. I learned years ago that I'm judged not by my sermon or my wife's singing or the size of our church. I'm really judged by my kids. And I knew they were going to be the priority for us from day one, which is why we do intentionalize what we do as a family. Matter of fact, tonight we are actually, tomorrow night, we're going to be heading out to topgolf. I have a family meeting. Got to discuss another project, and I want to do it outside of a boardroom or an office and say, hey, we got something in the future I want your help with, because five, 10 years down the road, this is going to be sitting in your lap. I'm not sure you're ready for it or are you? So we'll figure that out. And I'm even bringing my mom. She's 84 years old, and she and my dad started the ministry, and pops passed away a couple years ago, but we keep her right there. She's actually on staff with me now. She writes handwritten notes to all of some people in our church that have business, that have birthdays and anniversaries. And she writes notes, which is good, because it helps her brain and her hand. It's great to have her as part of the whole family dynamic. So family is everything to us. We have some other similarities now that you mentioned that we built my mom a home on our property and connected our properties with a breezeway. She's 88 and sharp as attack, and I get to see her on a regular basis. And Steve, related to the family. Can I share two quick stories? I think that will be instrumental in the way people perceive their family. I hear every day men say, oh, my family's important to me. And they only see them for about 15 minutes a day. You know, they leave early in the morning, and they go home, go out and work, and they come back and little boy wants to Pitch baseball. And the dad's like, I got another proposal to put together, or I've got another email I need to send. I'll get to you in a minute. And they do that week after week, month after month. And eventually the little boy quit asking. It's like, hey, I know my dad's busy. And then the little boy grows up and he goes to college, and the dad makes plenty of money and comes home, and he's discovered that he misses his son. He calls him and says, hey, you know, I want to get together with you. It's like, dad, I'd like to, but, you know, I've got other things going on right now. See, we sever that relationship. And I want to encourage people today to realize that the money's always going to be there. You can always make that money, take the opportunity and the time to invest in your family. Show them that they're first. Show them that they're number one through your actions, not through your words. Because your words don't mean anything. Your words are meaningless. It's your actions that are screaming at your family. And I remember one of the things, Steve, if I did do anything right, I did do this right. I always told my staff, if my kids call, I'm available. Like, you come and get me. I'm available. I don't care what I'm doing. I'm available. And I remember a time when I was in retail. I was waiting on a customer, and the assistant walked up to me and handed me a note. It said, hey, when you get done, call Brooke back. And I got through the customer, and I went to the girl and I said, when did Brooke call? She said, would she call while you were waiting on that customer? I said, let me refresh your memory. When my girls call, I'm available. And she said, I understand. And I said, even now on this interview, if one of my girls called me, Steve, you're going to have to pause and you're going to have to wait a minute, because they're primary, they're the most important now. They know when to call me and not call me. Right? They understand, they're very respectful. But if they need me, I want to be available. And I think that that shows that my intentions are my family's first. And I asked my kids, as they're adults, one's 40, the other one's 38. And I said, what did I do right? And they said, dad, you were always available. And that resonated with them when they were kids. And as a result of that not too terribly long ago, I was sitting in the den. My kids are grown and gone. I've got grown grandchildren in college. And so my kids have been gone a long time. But my daughter came and she sat down beside of me in our den. A lot of couches and chairs everywhere. And she sat right there, the girl that works with me, my daughter. And I looked at her and I didn't say anything. And I thought, well, she's going to ask me something about business or something. She didn't say anything. And so I just sat there. It was a little bit awkward, you know, because, like, she could have said anywhere. And there was nobody there but me. And I said, brooke, what are you doing? And she said, what do you mean? I said, do you need something? She goes, no, I just want to be near you. And I thought, you know what? That's what God wants us to do every single day. Yeah, he just wants to be near us. Right? He just wants us to abide, to meditate, to listen. And I just think that we can learn so much from reading scripture and understanding how to manage our families and the things that we should do. We think buying them big gifts and doing all that, it's time. They want our time. And that's when they realize that you've made them priorities. So I want to encourage the audience today to really do an evaluation. And if you're going home and you're not pitching ball with Billy and you're not going to Susie's recital and you're not spending time with them, put that work up, get up early in the morning or something, do it later, and don't encroach on that family time. That is so good. That is so great. Freely. Aaron, thank you so much for all of that wisdom. Thank you for your time today and just being able to connect right here on the podcast. I thank you. You share some rich nutrients that's going to help our listeners be able to get a greater value just of family. So that's what all it all comes down to at the very end, is making sure that family is healthy and they'll eventually be half happy if they are. So thank you for your time today. I hope you have enjoyed another episode of our Family Business podcast. Well, quite frankly, today we are talking about things you don't hear us talk about on Sundays, which is the reason why you need to be listening to us. So thanks for joining us today. God bless. Thanks for being here. You've just enjoyed another episode of the Family Business podcast with the alessi's and we can't thank you enough for being a part of our podiance today. Now that you've learned more about us, here's how you can join in in the family business. First, make sure you're following our podcast right now and download this episode so you can hear it at any time time. Second, think of someone you know that might need or enjoy this episode and share it with them. You'll be helping them and helping us to spread the word about the family business. Third, go to alessifamilybusiness.com and tap the Ask the Alessi's button. This is really cool. You could use it to record a voicemail comment or question and we can add your voice to our conversations. Finally, while you're on our page, tap the Reviews tab and you'll see a link to leave a review review on Apple Podcasts. We love reading your reviews and we might even share them on the show. Thanks again for joining us and we'll see you next time at the Family Business with the Alessi's because family is everybody's business.