Is it time to stop doing BJJ or is it time to pick up the pace? When you fall out of the habit of doing anything, studying, playing sport, creating art or practicing BJJ you start caring less. The intent you bring to your practice of BJJ starts to fall away if you are not placing a serious importance on what it means to you, without the regularity it's much easier to let it slip. If you spend more time around people who don't care about BJJ this attitude will rub off on you, the power of social osmosis does really affect the way we view the world. If you are questioning your dedication to the art, ask yourself are you in the Habit of practicing BJJ? If you aren't consistently training at least 3 x per week you are no longer in the habit which may put you on a downward spiral... and ultimately may result in your life taking a different path- which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Is it time to stop doing BJJ or is it time to pick up the pace? When you fall out of the habit of doing anything, studying, playing sport, creating art or practicing BJJ you start caring less. The intent you bring to your practice of BJJ starts to fall away if you are not placing a serious importance on what it means to you, without the regularity it's much easier to let it slip. If you spend more time around people who don't care about BJJ this attitude will rub off on you, the power of social osmosis does really affect the way we view the world. If you are questioning your dedication to the art, ask yourself are you in the Habit of practicing BJJ? If you aren't consistently training at least 3 x per week you are no longer in the habit which may put you on a downward spiral... and ultimately may result in your life taking a different path- which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Speaker 1:
Well, I got an email from a good friend of ours and supporter of this show, jess Tong. I hope she's okay with me shouting her out, but she did send me this email, jess Tong, good supporter of the show, yeah, and she was saying to me look, you know, there's times like we've talked about this a little bit before, about when to quit or when not to quit you know, like, what are the reasons for staying and what are the reasons for going, and what stood out to me in this Wait, I don't know if you're going to give her name, given this topic no, no, no, but I'm not going to go deep into that, I'm going to go sideways. So bear with me, I'm not going to reveal all, don't worry. Okay, but it made me think this that oftentimes, when you're not sure how you're going with anything in life, whether it's maybe it's a relationship or maybe it's you're studying it's generally when you're out of the habit. So let me go to this, because I've been going pretty deep recently on learning and habit forming and what keeps you doing something?
Speaker 1:
Oftentimes, whether it's life or maybe it's a holiday or something happens and you kind of get out of the habit of jujitsu and then you're like that's not. It stops being something that you are or you do, and and then you don't feel as emotionally attached. And then suddenly you're like the fuck am I doing this for? What is this? You know, cause more recently I haven't been doing as much BJJ. I have been doing a little bit of wrestling, having done a little bit of judo, and so I'm still grappling what's a little bit like weekly with those things. Yeah, but I'm I would say I'm less emotionally attached to BJJ as my identity. Yeah, you know, I'm not like I'm a BJJ guy. Yeah, I'm a black belt in BJJ and I still obsess over it in ways, but, like, the hardest thing for me to come to terms with is that I can't get what I want from it, so I don't spend as much time on it, because I'm a bit of an all or nothing person and I've realized recently I'm a little bit out of the habit of BJJ. Do you know what it is you want from it to that point? Yeah, yeah, yeah, what is that? Well, I think it's changed, or it's changing.
Speaker 1:
What I wanted previously was to try and be the best at something, and what I've come to understand is that, like it's changing. What I wanted previously was to try and be the best at something, and what I've come to understand is that, like it's so hard, it's so hard to be the best at BJJ, like it's Olympic-level commitment, it's not Like it must be a really full-time thing for you to want to say that you're really like just even great, even in the top 10, you've got to be so fully committed, whereas now, when I think about bjj, I think about how much I can help other people like me. Staying connected with bjj is more about my contribution to other people's journey, and then also, um, my kids. Like I want to be a. I don't want to be an average dad, I want to be like a super dad because I want them to. They don't have to do BJJ, but like I'd like to be able to have a good enough knowledge that I could teach them, or you know that kind of a thing, yeah, so I was thinking about you know this, this kind of email conversation I was having with Jess and she going back and forth and and it was my thought I was thinking, maybe, maybe she's not in the habit, maybe it doesn't mean she's not training. This is the thing, this is where it becomes. You know, I don't want to be confusing here, but like, maybe you're training a little bit less and you're just showing up so that the intent is different, and then who you hang out with this is actually in a drug addiction.
Speaker 1:
Um, I listen to a podcast about drug addiction and it was saying that you only want to hang out with people who are using to the same level that you're using. And it made me think about, um, brazilian jiu-jitsu. Because obviously, if you talk to your friends and they all do Brazilian jiu-jitsu, they're like oh, you're going to open mat Saturday. Yeah, you're going to go check out that tournament. You know our mates. Yeah, yeah, we'll be there.
Speaker 1:
And you do the group thing, you do all this shit. And then, as soon as you're not as interested, you're like I don't want to spend all day in a fucking basketball stadium. It smells like fucking sweaty feet and fucking denker rub, and you know what I mean. You're like oh, is that a good way to spend a Sunday? I'd rather go to the fucking park or walk my dog or I don't know, drink some single origin coffee at an expensive cafe, be in a sunshine, anything, but be stuck in a fucking basketball stadium right, cause it will change based on your friend, your friend group and and all of that and your habit. This is the default mode.
Speaker 1:
Some people ask me about the gym and stuff and I'm like that's just my default. I just go to the gym. If I have an hour or two hours spare and I haven't lifted, I'm like, well, I guess I'm going to the gym, that's what I do. It's just become a part of who I am, because I know that long-term that has a lot of health benefits. It's not about like, looking jacked and that's to the side. But yeah, man, it made me think. For some people who are looking at maybe not continuing jiu-jitsu or they're questioning their commitment to jiu-jitsu, I think they might not be in the habit of jujitsu or caring about jujitsu. Like, and if you spend less time around people who really fucking love it, you spend more time around people who don't.
Speaker 1:
You take on those, those ideas and beliefs as well. Yeah, it's, it's good point. I? Um, it makes me think about like I I think I've made the comparison before on other episodes or like, given the example whereby like, jiu-jitsu only matters so much.
Speaker 1:
If you think it does, yeah, if you're in it, yeah, and like, if you just don't go to class, all that stuff about like, when am I getting this? And that person beat me and you know, wow, I beat them and I'm getting. You know, I'm learning this, all that stuff, just like you could just take up another sport, like you could just go play golf and go all in on that, you could. You've got your golf buddies, yeah, yeah, and I'm buying golf carts now and new clubs and dialing in my and it's like it's just another sport You've transferred the interest, yeah.
Speaker 1:
And so it's fascinating as a thought experiment, because of course I'm not advocating that Don't quit jiu-jitsu and take up golf, but I guess I'm just making that point of like it becomes your whole world and there's so much riding on all of it. But it's conditional, and it's conditional on you agreeing in yourself that it matters. Yeah, that's right. And so I get your point, that like whereby, well, when you're out of the habit, like me right now, right, I'm injured, so I'm going to be coaching on Mondays but I'm not going to train, and I'm cool with that. But I know that probably a couple of months from now I'm going to care way less about jiu-jitsu, sure, you know, and then once I get back to training and then someone catches me and then I'm going to care a lot again. Yeah, yeah, it'll bring you back in.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, it's funny though, right, like, really, the once you've I, you know, I I don't want to cop out here, but I think once you've reached black belt, unless you are fully invested in some way, like you are an active competitor or you run an academy, it's really hard to be as motivated as you were when you were trying to get to black belt. Yeah, process versus attainment, it's a big deal, man. I even and I said this to jess like, if you find you're not enjoying the process, like if you, if you don't like going to class and you don't like learning new things, like you, if, if that's lost its shine, maybe you should do something else. You know and I'm not an advocate for people to quit, I'm not I'm always trying to encourage people to continue. But it's like the idea that you know there's always seasons for things, but you have to look to find the fun in something you know. Like, if you can't, if it's not fun or you're not, if you're not enjoying this process, the outcome is kind of bullshit and the outcome doesn't mean anything. It doesn't matter how many people you can submit, or it doesn't matter how many tournaments you win. If you're a miserable motherfucker, what are you doing? Like you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:
And I have found that quite interesting that I've met a couple of guys who were super top-level competitors and they're miserable cunts in their life and I was like what are you doing this for? It was kind of like a. I guess the comparison was like andre agassi in his book open, he got to a point where he's like I fucking hate tennis, but I've got nothing in my life, I've got nothing else. Like this is what I'm good at, this is what people know me for, yeah, but I fucking hate myself and I don't Like he was going mad, you know, wow, yeah, I think he smoked crack and then he fucking destroyed all his trophies. He went mental oh wow, had a bit of a meltdown, kind of mid-career, late career. So he went from mullet agassi to like shaved head agassi, shaved head agassi. It was like a second chapter after that. That he's like no, I've got to do this, I've got to find a way to appreciate it.
Speaker 1:
And so, anyway, why did I want to say this, because I think what we don't realize is there is a with anything we do. There's a positive upward spiral when you start taking positive actions in a certain direction, and there can be negative downward spiral and it can be very slow and we're not even aware of it. Right, it might just be something simple as, uh, your kids now play soccer on a certain night and now you can't go to that class. You know that was outside your control, but you're committed to helping your kids do this thing, you love them, you do that, but now you've lost that key class that was actually keeping you in the habit of jiu-jitsu and nothing else changed, just that one thing. Now you're only doing one class a week during the week and then maybe the open mat on a Saturday, yeah, but then, oh, we've got games on a Saturday. Oh, we're now playing at this other park. Oh, you've got to bring the oranges. Oh, yeah, I spent all money cutting up oranges. Yeah, right, yeah, that's a beautiful thing. It's not spot, it's not scientifically the way to go, but I loved oranges when I played something. Yeah, I believe the science showed that bananas were a better choice, but it was like no, can't oranges, oranges at half time. My dad actually used to do that for our all ages team. Uh, when I was on my gap year between high school and university, I joined an all ages soccer team. A couple of guys from my high school Did you. Yeah, it was like all ages, division 12. It was fucking awesome. It would have been fucking carnage.
Speaker 1:
Emu Plains, jamaica, right on, because we had Will would come and he would. He started out drumming on the back of his ute on a fucking Will Barrett no, no, no, no, no, no. Well, I mean Will smoked. Will was like the who's, the who's, the white Rastafarian from England, yeah, um, there's this guy who, who raps, uh, rasta, and he's the widest guy ever, right, anyway, no, will, uh, shout out will munn. Um, will was an amazing drummer. He'd smoke a lot of weed, drink a lot and he would just be up there beating away on the fucking. And now I think at one point we had to steal, steal like a kettle drum at some point. And yeah, and man, they're like, they're fucking jamaica, emu planes, jamaica, that's what we're called, and so drumming on the side and stuff. And our um, our goalie got suspended two or three times for having a long neck in goals, like you just cheekily have it. Yeah, um, behind the goal post. It was so good. But, yeah, man, my dad would come at halftime and cut the oranges, because that's what he, that's what he used to do for us when we were six, you know, playing under eight soccer or whatever, the fuck yeah. And so and all the guys were like, fuck yeah, oranges at halftime, put down the vb, have an orange, so good, and and and I think the reason why I say this is I've been looking at my own habits and I've realized one of my biggest habits is using instagram.
Speaker 1:
It's fucking terrible. Like I justify it by saying, oh, I use it. No one shares more content with me than you. Yeah, well, man, I, I, I fuck. Uh, you know I spend too much. Like I do connect with people through instagram. It's awesome chat to people in our community. That's the dilemma. It's there's a lot of utility, yeah, professionally, but then, but then it just blends into fucking 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there, and you're like that's a, that's an hour. Yeah, you look at you, you know, at the end of the week and it gives you your screen activity. You're like, oh my god, hours a day what the fuck I'm doing. So I realized that that's actually one of my worst habits right now, and so what I think is like, as opposed to focusing on bad habits, you implement good habits, and and if you haven't got the habit of jujitsu, then you just not going to stick with it. So I, I'm one. I guess.
Speaker 1:
One thing I'd like to mention in regards to what you said like there's times like it should be fun on the whole, right, but there will be times, micro times where it's not fun. Oh, and be times, micro times where it's not fun, oh, and they're important to go through as well, aren't they? It's like you like going through a shit time and feeling whatever it is. Maybe you're feeling disconnected from your team, maybe you're feeling like your jiu-jitsu is going backwards, but going through those times is often that's development and that's the upward spiral. Yeah, even though it feels downward, yes, and sometimes also it's not, and you are getting worse and you should be at a different time, but you've got to stick it out for a bit to know. It's hard to know. Yeah, and I'm not saying you should only do stuff if it's fun. That's bullshit. That's bullshit.
Speaker 1:
No, but I think I guess what I was trying to get to with that is, if you look at your life and it is very short and you're spending I don't know how many hours a week doing something, and it's a net negative, I don't know. You know, like maybe that's just where you are right now. And then maybe and here's the cool thing, right, like you stop doing something, you stop doing jiu-jitsu or whatever, and you don't do it for six months. And then your friend's the cool thing, right, like you stop doing something, you stop doing jiu-jitsu or whatever, and you don't do it for six months. And then your friend's like, oh hey, you want to come roll. And then you go back and you're like this is the best, you get the love back. You know, that's a beautiful thing. That can happen too. So you know, I think also, when you just say, oh okay, I'm just going to stop I don't think it is necessarily forever you can like quit and come back. So there's that too. We've. We've talked about that before.
Speaker 1:
But ultimately, if you're questioning yourself whether it's whatever your pursuit is jiu-jitsu or not, you've got to go. Am I in the habit of this thing? And I am really. You know, am I doing this or am I just kind of, you know, like a sunk cost bias? I've done this for six, seven years. I should keep going, maybe not, I don't know. Like I said, I'm not an advocate for quitting, but I think you've just got to look at what you do on a weekly basis and you've got to go all right. What am I putting fucking time into? Because maybe I could stop putting time there and if I did this open mat or if I did that, that could make it more fun or rekindle it and make it more of a sustainable thing. Yeah, because I think that's the hard bit is making jiu-jitsu sustainable. There it is, folks.