What Happens When You Finally Start Listening to Yourself?

A few months ago, I recorded an episode called What Happens When You Can No Longer Lie to Yourself? At the time, I almost didn’t share it. It felt too raw, too vulnerable, too honest. But something inside me knew it needed to be heard. In this episode, I’m reflecting on what’s happened since I finally listened to that inner voice, started creating again, and gave myself permission to take my own needs seriously. What I’ve discovered is that the thing I thought was missing from my life wasn’t a new setup, a different circumstance, or a bigger change; it was me.

This episode is for the woman who feels disconnected from herself, even though everything on paper looks good. The one who keeps wondering why she isn’t happier, why she feels restless, or why the life she worked so hard to build doesn’t feel quite as fulfilling as she thought it would. It’s a reminder that sometimes the thing we’re searching for isn’t outside of us at all. Sometimes the missing piece is simply giving ourselves permission to become more of who we already are.

Highlights:

• What shifted when I finally stopped ignoring the part of me that needed to create
• Why speaking, writing, and sharing became the most important form of self-care in my life
• The surprising connection between self-expression, anxiety, and feeling fulfilled
• How Human Design helped me identify what I specifically need to stay connected to myself
• Why taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s one of the healthiest things you can do for your family

You’re Invited is produced by Six-Two Studio.

Transcript

Alex Cantone (00:17.466) I'm back where I recorded the first episode of this season. What happens when you can no longer lie to yourself? And I felt like I wanted to sit down and record a little update because I'm documenting this experiment. I'm documenting this season of life.

For myself and now I realize for other women, maybe other mothers too, who have found themselves in a similar situation to me, where we're doing all the things everything on paper looks great or at least good enough. But there's this sort of

Quiet, yearning, nagging, wondering, is there more? Is there something else I'm missing? Why doesn't this life feel as good as it looks from the outside looking in? And just for some context, I recorded that episode.

many weeks before I actually did anything with it, before I decided that I was going to start sharing online again or podcasting again. Because I didn't know what else to do. So I just sat down and I was like, okay, I know this used to work, just sitting down and talking with me and me. So let me do that. And after I had recorded it, I was like

Wow, I don't think I could ever share that with anyone. Like I should probably just delete that. And then I listened back and I was thinking, huh, that wasn't as bad as I thought. Like I actually, I actually think there's something there. And despite the fears, the hesitations, I mean the vulnerability hangover of saying all of those things out loud and

Alex Cantone (02:45.166) Putting them out there publicly to be heard by anyone who wants to go hear them was definitely a factor. It was definitely. I'm not gonna say it wasn't easy to overcome that because it just, I just had to listen. I just had to listen. I had to listen to myself. I had to put it out there, despite all of those feelings of what if so and so listens or.

What if this person or this group of people like discover this and hear this? And what are they gonna think? And my gosh, they don't like know that I whatever, you know, all of the things, all of the things. What if I misunderstood? I just knew I had to do it. I had this feeling that was stronger than all of those other feelings that was saying this is meant to be heard by people. And I trusted that. And so

After I recorded that one, I sat on it for a few weeks, I put it out there, got it edited and produced.

And then I just had more and more and more and more to say. And between then and now, I've been publishing regularly on Substack. I've been dropping a weekly episode. And so it's been maybe two or three months since I've actually sat down and recorded that.

And that was sort of this opening of the floodgates that really got me talking again. And not just talking for the sake of talking, but this recognizing that, I have something to say. I have a perspective to share. And I didn't know how it was going to be received. And it wasn't about it being heard or received. It was just about the act of allowing myself to be seen again. And especially to be seen again as this side of me.

Alex Cantone (04:47.884) That is very much a huge part of me, this expressive, talkative, deep feeling and thinking person that I am, that is easy to not tap into, especially in this season of life, as a busy mom who's just going through the motions sometimes and getting through the days.

And I've realized that taking this time for myself, giving this gift to myself, it's not just been energy giving to me, but it's enhanced my quality of life across all of the areas that I was complaining about and feeling lost in when I was recording that first episode.

So now I sit here a couple of months later reflecting on what has shifted over these last few weeks as I've been pouring back into myself. And it's funny the problems that we create when we're not creating.

It's so funny because like that, the snap of the fingers, the decision to publish it, and the decision to continue creating, continue speaking, continue sharing and writing, and just pouring myself back into me and this work and these things that I'm so interested in and this perspective that I have and seeing that as valuable and important, not because I'm

gaining traction or people are liking it or following me or giving me feedback. Of course those things are great. That recognition is certainly helpful and it's accepted and it's permission giving, but it's the doing it for me and recognizing that this is my self-care. Flipping on my microphone is my self-care. Sure, relaxing, kicking my feet up,

Alex Cantone (07:13.61) Reading a book, taking a bath, getting a massage, going for a walk, all of those things can be practices that I can engage in that can be restorative for me, regulating for me. But nothing is quite as potent as this. And that's the thing that has really

sort of blown my mind and it's like this reminder that I really needed because I think being in the trenches of early motherhood and, you know, cumulative sleepless nights and just the new stressors of it all, of navigating a partnership inside co-parenting, inside of a joint business venture, like all of the things that have

Just piled onto the responsibilities of me and my world have sort of led to me forgetting what it is that nourishes me, what it is that actually really nourishes me. And I think in a way, I didn't even know that this was my self-care and that this was not just my self-care, but that this was like.

A necessary piece of my just well-being. This needs to be integrated into my life. Talking, speaking, creating, sharing, studying, getting lost in these topics that I love and talking about them and just putting myself out there, letting myself be seen and seeing what comes to me as a result of that, and then speaking on it, creating on it.

Nourishing this part of me is so necessary. I can't be happy inside of the other containers without this component. And I didn't realize that it was a necessary thing. It wasn't just a nice-to-have thing, nice to do in your spare time thing. Like it actually needs to be prioritized.

Alex Cantone (09:33.386) Until I wasn't prioritizing it and I wasn't doing it at all. And I was experiencing all of these really extreme symptoms and not understanding like why do I not feel good? Why do I not feel good in this setup? And it's so interesting because since I released that first episode, I had so many women come to me.

In tears, or just sweet comments, direct messages, people finding me all sorts of ways because I think that a lot of people don't know where to find me right now. But I was kind of surprised that there were so many women who resonated with what I was sharing. A lot of messages, kind of the pattern that I saw was.

You're saying the questions out loud that I've been asking myself in my head, or quietly when I'm alone. And a lot of these aha moments of I was making everything else in my life, like my kids, my husband, my living situation, my job, the enemy, or the thing that was making me unhappy, like telling myself this story that it was that thing.

That was making me unhappy when really what I think it comes down to is I'm not taking time for myself. And I'm not giving myself that space to figure out what it is that I need specifically, like what I uniquely need and require to live a happy and healthy life, and feel like I have the capacity.

To show up the way that I want to show up as a mom, as a partner, to be able to tend to my home, to tend to whatever it is, to show up, to wake up every single day and feel like I'm not trapped in this life. I'm actually excited that I get to live this life. And so while it was so heartwarming to have these women come to me and say,

Alex Cantone (11:56.822) All of these things, everything along these lines. my gosh, you're putting words to this thing. I've been feeling this way and wow, this is like this is such a journey that I am also on right now. While it felt comforting to know, okay, I'm not alone.

I also felt sad of, well, what are the conditions that have been sort of presented to us that without us realizing we've tried to contort and bend and fit ourselves into these little things to be this type of person, to have this type of life? When there's like so many of us who

Are you saying, yeah, my setup isn't working for me? And I don't know what to do about it. Almost like I don't know where to start. Now, my natural response would be to explore your design, right? Because that's what helped me have that insight to know: okay, I'm a self-projected projector. I know I need to talk.

And I know I haven't been talking. And it's a specific way that I need to talk. Not just like I got to go out there and have a conversation with a random person. I have like a trusted group of people who I know can speak this language with me, this like language of the heart where I can really get into these heartfelt things. Those are nourishing. That's like one sort of branch off of this container that fills me up.

But then there's also just this cathartic, like me and me talking into the microphone, having a conversation with myself, hearing myself speak about the things that have been reeling in my mind, the patterns that I've been seeing out in the world, the things that I'm thinking incessantly about, that I need to get off my chest, because I don't want them to live up in my head.

Alex Cantone (14:10.456) The emotions that I'm feeling.

I have this need to get the energy out of my body. And if I don't, I have anxiety. I have chronic anxiety when I don't. And so it's so funny to see like how empty and light my mind has been since I've been talking. And human design really gives me that formula.

And maybe it's not a formula, but it gives me that permission slip or just that little signpost that says, hey, this is your design. You're designed to talk. You know, you're not designed to hold it all in. I don't think any of us really are, but like, you're someone who needs to express. You're someone who needs to use their voice. Clarity comes through your voice. Okay, so there's the number one thing on my self-care list that I need to do that I wasn't doing.

But because I'm in this trap in my mind for so long, out of practice of letting myself speak, I forgot. I I simply forgot that that could be the reason why I felt the way that I felt. And I feel, kid you not, I would say 90% better.

You know, I don't know if I can put a number on it, but it's like

Alex Cantone (15:46.262) I think back to that episode, and I can connect with that version of myself, but I also recognize that I am no longer that version of myself because it was the simple act of talking and getting the energy out of my body that allowed me to move through all of that, that allowed me to see that I don't dislike my life.

I'm just not letting myself be the person I know I am inside of it. I'm trying to be a version of myself, a watered-down, inauthentic version of myself inside of this life. And telling myself, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay. This is the season you're in. This season isn't about you. And since I've given myself permission to make it more about me.

To recognize if mom is not well, then the rest of the tribe is not going to be well. And those were the mind games that I sort of had to play with myself. Like this, if I can't do it for myself, I have to do it for the tribe. I have to do it for the family. And I can confidently say that I have been showing up as a more

present, happier, more connected and attuned mother, since I have been taking more time and space for me to be creative, to make art with my words, to just simply flip on my microphone and talk. It really is that simple. And I think we overcomplicate it so much because there's so much information out there.

There's this wellness prescription, right? All of these different wellness prescriptions. What is self-care? What is health? And that's why I love human design. Because I can look at the one size fits all models that people are trying to shove down our minds and go, okay, I can see why one might be promoting those things, but.

Alex Cantone (18:15.468) That's not my personal prescription. Like that's not for me. For me, it's actually this thing. And it's so much simpler than a 30-day reset. I have this story that I've been telling myself, which is I have to fight for my time.

I have to fight for my time or it's going to be taken away from me. And I've been trying to figure out why I feel that way. I shared it with my husband because after all of this, after I recorded that episode and shared with him what was happening for me and what

I wanted to do as a result of it, which I wanted to prioritize speaking and creating again and sharing myself and letting myself be seen again. And he was nothing but encouraging. He was nothing but a cheerleader. And yet I still felt this resistance, like, man, but I still have to really fight for my time in this phase that I'm in.

One of the things that we had shifted was our childcare setup. Once I had come to him with all of these things that I was struggling with. The responsibilities of the business, how I felt like I was drowning inside of that, how I feel like every single minute that I get that is like free time and quotes, I have to.

spend tending to something, taking care of something around the house, you know, getting a design decision in like all of these little things that there was no time for me. It was just Alex has to fit it in when she can fit it in. And, you know, there's also decisions that I've made around not wanting to hire childcare and wanting to spend more time with my kids. So

Alex Cantone (20:35.704) These decisions that I've made that have also led to me having less time. It's all it's always been about time, time, time, and I don't have time, and I'm fighting for my time, all this stuff. And so one of the actual practical changes we implemented was I was going to get one day per week for me. And Chris actually helped me with this, make it making it.

Very clear that it's like you should be able to do whatever you want with this day. This day is not for it can be, but it doesn't have to be for running errands, for doing house chores, for catching up on all of the things. Like this is for you to do whatever you want. Basically, you don't have to be productive.

what your mind thinks is productive inside of this day, right? Like make the returns and do all the laundry and catch up on all the things and organize that little corner of the home. Like if that seems like if that is something that you genuinely want to do and have the energy for, go for it. But you have no obligation to like do anything that your mind thinks is a productive act or decision during this day. You can work, you cannot work.

You could lay outside all day long. You could lay in bed all day long. Like this is a day for you to do whatever you need to do for you, right? So that you can get in touch with yourself again. Because I think the thing that I've struggled with the most as I've become a mom is staying in touch with myself through it.

Staying connected to myself through it. And I've said this before because early days of motherhood, it's thrown me into survival mode. So I didn't have that luxury of, I'm gonna wake up and just do anything I want today. Like it was challenging. It was a really challenging transition and has continued to be.

Alex Cantone (23:03.104) A very challenging transition. And as my kids are getting older and little by little gaining some independence. And as I'm finding my groove more as a mom, I've really been noticing, okay, there's room, there's space to breathe, right? Just like that first episode. I feel like I'm coming up for air. I'm like getting my bearings. And I'm like, okay, I think.

I can figure this out. I think. I think I'm a human. Let me just check. Like, okay, everything's still intact somewhat. Okay, now what? Now what do I do? And so it's not that I haven't had access to like free time in previous seasons, but there was something about this setup change that has really challenged me.

To look at what I am spending my time doing. And when I have something creative, when I have access to a microphone, to a pad and paper, to my computer and to a community, and to this system that I love diving into and talking about, and just the exploration of self in general, I find that it's so much.

Easier to actually use my time wisely. Like when I don't have anything to do that I'm necessarily passionate about or excited about, it's so easy for me to just be busy doing nothing at all. And since I've been creating more, I've been actually finding more time.

Today is not a free day for me, but my kids are napping. And I was like, maybe I have some moments to sit down and do this, right? And so because I'm feeling driven and motivated again, I find myself looking for opportunities to take time for me and being really excited about it.

Alex Cantone (25:30.54) versus actually avoiding that connection to myself. And I think that's what I was doing for a while and why I was so confused, because I was avoiding looking at me. I was avoiding connecting to me. Because as a mom, it's so easy to get lost in motherhood. It's so easy to get lost in everyone else's needs. And

It's like whether you're taking care of a child, whether you're taking care of a dog, whether you're taking care of a partner, a family member. It's so easy when you have other things to tend to to get lost in doing that. And then to find yourself in your spare time not really knowing how to utilize it, how to maximize it, how to like capitalize on this time that might be very finite in this season of life that you have for yourself, right?

And because it's minimal, there can be that story. I certainly know it comes up for me of like, well, it's not enough time to really like get into it. So it's not even worth it. You know, I might as well just sit here and mindlessly scroll or putter around the house and see if there's a task I can do or just sleep. And sometimes that is the answer. And sometimes that is okay. But

My challenge to myself recently in noticing these extremely positive shifts that I've experienced since utilizing my time to show up for myself and to connect to myself is to continue looking at me. It's to not look away.

From me when I need me most. Even if my mind is telling me a story that other people need me more right now. Because the only way that I can truly have the capacity to reach into and tend to those around me.

Alex Cantone (27:53.654) And the only way that I can truly feel fulfilled and happy inside of my life is if I regularly reach into myself and tend to me, to myself, to my needs, to my life. And when I say it out loud, it's like of course, of course.

Course, that's necessary. But we can become so busy building, growing, raising, just rushing towards these goals, these ideas, these things that we think are going to fulfill us and make us happy and give us that thing that we've been missing. And what I've discovered is that.

The thing that's actually missing is me staying connected to myself within the setup that I'm creating in my life. It's so easy to not feel fulfilled, like as a result of not feeling fulfilled, to look around and go, gosh, well, it's because.

My partner isn't giving me what I need and because this thing in the house isn't done and because I just have the kids and all of this stuff. And it's like I'm really starting to pay attention to these stories that we tell ourselves as moms.

And how these conditions that have been presented to us that we're told, like this is a part of it, right? This is just a part of it. It's all about sacrifice. It's all about putting yourself aside. Right. But then you hear people being like, fill your cup up first, take care of yourself, do all these things. And you're like, okay, I guess I'll just like do these generic things that I think are supposed to be right and like.

Alex Cantone (30:01.67) Maybe there's something more specific that you need. Right? Maybe there's actually something so deeply specific and personal that you need. And for me, understanding my design has given me those permission slips to advocate.

For my time to create time for what I need. I don't have to fight for it, but I have a say in how this operation goes, right? It's very easy to get caught in the trap of believing that you don't have a say in it all.

But you do. And so that's what I've really been challenging myself to do over these last few weeks is notice when I fall back into that pattern of being a victim inside of this life that I chose, that I created. And asking myself.

Is this the way it needs to be? Is there something small that I can shift? Or maybe it's something big? Is there a story I'm telling myself that's holding me back from doing what it is that I know I really, really need to do for me to feel connected to this life that I've built? Because what

Is the point of having the kids, of having the partnership, the job, the home, the business, whatever it might be, if the way in which you're going about it does not work for how you're designed to operate inside of these setups. There's a way to do things differently that actually

Alex Cantone (32:31.156) Isn't taking away from those around you. It's adding to the health of the tribe, of the family, of the dynamic. Because when you are healthy and aligned, you're able to see more clearly how to create more systems and setups within the dynamic that allow everyone else to stay.

aligned and connected to themselves too.