What If Some Projector Narratives are Limiting Me?

In this episode, I’m reflecting on the stories I used to tell myself as a mother and as a Projector. The stories about not having enough time, enough energy, or enough of myself left over to create. And I’m sharing what’s shifted as I’ve slowly realized that the thing I thought was taking energy from my life is actually the thing giving it back to me.

This episode is a reminder that you are not inherently limited. You are not meant to disappear inside motherhood, partnership, or responsibility. That maybe the thing you’ve been afraid to ask for; the time, the space, the creativity, the bigger life, isn’t taking away from the people you love. Maybe it’s the very thing that allows you to show up for them more fully than ever before.

Highlights:

• Why I used to use my Human Design as permission to stay small and why I don’t anymore
• The surprising difference between being busy and being energized
• How creativity and self-expression became a non-negotiable part of my well-being
• The stories mothers tell themselves about time, sacrifice, and putting everyone else first
• Why asking for more isn’t selfish, it’s often the thing that allows the whole family to thrive

You’re Invited is produced by Six-Two Studio.

Transcript

Alex Cantone (00:18.018) I made it.

I wasn't sure if I was going to make it.

Alex Cantone (00:29.142) I woke up this morning bright and early, not because of the kids actually, because I was excited, because words started coming into my head. And that's something that happens sometimes, is I'll just be sleeping, going about my day, doing whatever it is that I'm doing. And then all of a sudden, it's like I hear myself speaking.

Podcasting. It's funny because it's something that's always happened to me. You know, before technology and podcasts were a thing, I would always find myself sort of giving speeches almost, even though as a child I was really afraid of going up in front of the class and presenting. And like public speaking was never something that was interesting to me growing up, but

I would just always find myself doing these kind of like monologues. And I know what that is now, right? Because when I was younger, I just was doing it. It was just something I was doing. It was how I was processing. I'm seeing now this is how I was processing emotions and information or anxiety or anything that felt like it was kind of stuck in my body. If it's a reeling thought, I find myself, if I envision.

that I have a microphone and I'm talking into it, it challenges me to really go within and pull that thread of whatever it is that's feeling kind of stuck or whatever it is that feels like it's growing inside of me.

And I realized that now that that was my body's intuitive, brilliant way of self-projecting and keeping me healthy. So I woke up this morning talking in my head, hearing myself speak into the microphone, and I thought, gosh, it's just not in the cards for me today.

Alex Cantone (02:54.06) You know, because before I was a parent, I could wake up and feel that and go into my office or just open my laptop and put on my microphone and start. And it wasn't an issue. It's like the stream of consciousness is there. And so I'm right there available for it. But as I'm hearing these words in my head, I also hear my baby on the monitor. And I'm like,

Okay, well, try to tuck it away, give myself a minute to wake up and get up with the kids. And, you know, sometimes it's not about actually turning on the microphone and recording a podcast episode that's gonna go out to the public and give you visibility and all of these things. It's like sometimes that is just a story I'm telling myself that

It needs to be this big production in order for it to be productive. And that's not the case. So as I could feel myself starting to creep into that feeling of bitterness, of I'm not going to have the time. And once again, I'm interrupted and I have to respond to my kids. And all of these stories that I find I'm telling myself inside motherhood, that I'm limited.

My energy is limited, that I never have enough to give.

I'm just letting myself speak it in my mind as if I'm still in front of that microphone like I am right now talking. And I'm finding relief, even though I'm not actually physically speaking into the microphone and making something of it.

Alex Cantone (04:45.656) So I carried on with my morning and got both of the kids up, and we had a really sweet, peaceful morning. We let my husband sleep in, which is very rare, because he is usually the one who was up and at it in the morning. Brought him coffee, had breakfast, did the thing, the kids got into some independent play.

And of course my husband comes out all pumped that I had gotten the kids up and the dogs up and fed the dogs. And like this is really rare that I do this, just to be clear. It's really rare that I'm the one who gets up and gets the house awake and gets the morning going. Usually it's him.

But lately I've had the energy to do it. Like all of a sudden I just have the energy to do it. It's there. I'm excited to wake up in the morning. I'm excited to greet my children in the morning. I want to get them up. I want to take them out of their cribs. I want to do that morning routine with them. My body's waking me up because I'm excited for the day. And you can feel that shift in the house. Everything is operating.

A little bit more smoothly when mom feels healthy and good and happy. And it's this thing that I just keep coming back to, that it's not necessarily about all of the time and the effort and the hours and the selflessness that I'm putting into this phase of life and my kids and my husband and all the things and putting everyone before myself. It's not about that. Actually, it can't be about that.

But we default into that as moms. But it needs to shift to pouring into me, to us, to the moms first. Because I'm literally pouring fumes if I'm not taking care of myself first. And when you get stuck in the pattern of it, like in the doing of it, where you really genuinely are telling yourself that story that I don't have the time.

Alex Cantone (06:59.49) don't have the energy. I don't have it in me. It's not possible. My setup isn't arranged this way. Those were all of the things that I was telling myself before I began this season of your invited. Before I started writing and putting my words out there and sharing again and seeing what would come from it. Those were all of the stories that I was telling myself. I don't have the energy. I don't have the time. I don't have the privilege to do this right now.

I'm not in a phase of life where it's in the cards for me.

And I accepted that. And I also suffered through that. And I think about how it's so easy to take in this human design information, especially as projectors, to read the information and go.

Man, that's why I can't keep up with the rest of the world. That's why sometimes I wake up and I just don't have it in me. That's why, right? Permission slip, permission slip, permission slip, aha moment, aha moment. my gosh, revelation. This is what I've been searching for all along. Permission to not keep up with the rest of the world. Permission to be okay with sitting back on the sidelines.

Permission to be okay with not saying yes to everything to not responding to everything. But there are these sort of sneaky consequences that slip in sometimes with these permission slips.

Alex Cantone (08:47.658) that we've been running on empty our whole entire lives being told that we need to keep up, we need to be productive. The only way to get anywhere and reach anything worth reaching is by being productive and showing up and being consistent, all of these things. And then you become a mom and then you're like, my gosh, I can't do it. I can't keep up with anything else. Everything is falling apart. How do I do it? I couldn't possibly

Take on more right now because I'm a projector. So we use that label to actually limit us, to hold us back from maybe doing the thing that's going to energize us and give us the energy that we genuinely need to not just survive through this phase of life.

but actually feel incredibly fulfilled and energized through it. And as I sit here, eight recordings in, one more season in the books, I'm looking back at the first three years of motherhood for me.

And of course, I'm holding the truth that I needed this time. I needed this space. I was growing literal life and birthing that life out into the world. That impacted me in a huge way. And now I have to take care of them and raise them and figure out how to navigate life and this world and relationships and the demands.

And all of the things that I didn't even know were on the other side of this because my body was so focused on just doing the creating. And so it wouldn't be true to say I wasn't being creative the last three years, because arguably I was doing the most miraculous creation I could possibly embark on as a woman. But there's a different type of

Alex Cantone (11:04.206) Creativity that I find is necessary for me. Artistic expression through my voice, through speaking. And sometimes it might scratch the itch by holding up that invisible microphone and speaking into it. And sometimes I actually need to sit in front of the real physical one, and the stakes need to be high.

And it needs to feel a little uncomfortable, a little vulnerable, a little risky. And it needs to be produced and it needs to be put out there. And I need someone to hear it and see it, because that's showing me that I see myself, my voice, as worthy of being listened to. Even if it's just literally only me listening back.

Like for me, it's truly not about the numbers of how many people are listening, of how many people are tuning in. If I listen back and I get something from it, that's enough for me. And then bonus, if even just one mother comes to me or one person comes to me who resonates with it and shares something with me.

And I think about how, yes, it's true that I was creating, I was healing, I needed that time, those first three years. And I was also depriving myself of something that was a basic need for me, that I didn't realize was a necessary part for me to actually be okay.

And that's what I woke up thinking about this morning.

Alex Cantone (13:07.746) Because the contrast between me inside motherhood before I gave myself the space to create versus after is night and day. Everyone around me is noticing it. Even people who don't know what I'm doing are noticing and pointing out and asking me about this shift in my energy. And for me, I think it's just the difference between being open.

And being closed, that letting myself be seen, be heard, be known, be listened to, and hiding. And I think there's a time and place. And I think you can say, yes, I was healing. Yes, I needed that time to calibrate.

But I was also hiding behind this idea that because I was a projector, that meant I didn't have the energy for anything else aside from what was right in front of me. And this is where it gets so tricky. Because while these tools are wonderful and can be so expansive and so opening and so motivating, all of a sudden we blink.

And we find ourselves in a season of life where we're using that tool that was once expansive to limit us, to keep us in the story of I don't have it, I can't do it, I'm barely staying afloat here. How could I possibly add something onto my plate right now? And how unfair would that be?

For me to take that time, for me to even have the audacity to think that I could have access to that time, to that space. When my kids need me, when my husband needs me, when my home needs me. What they actually need is the version of me that I become when I am giving myself space and time to come back to me.

Alex Cantone (15:26.498) To connect back to me. Because once I am connected to myself, once I am feeling that drive, that purpose, that artistic expression, all of these things that speaking and writing and creating and sharing brings to me, suddenly I'm like, I have so much energy. Am I sure that I'm not a generator? And this is where the language gets tricky because we simplify it all, right? We say,

You're a projector. So that means that, you know, you're not designed to keep up with the rest of the world. And it's meant to be offered as permission, permission to do less and reap more benefits or the same benefits, right? It's not about like doing less will get you more. Like it's just whatever. The information is meant to be offered as this permission, permission to slip into.

your way of doing things. But man, when I'm clouded by that postpartum fog and just opening my eyes each morning feels like a chore. It's hard. It's hard to fathom that I could take time for myself, that I could pour back into me. But it's necessary as a projector.

To create opportunities for yourself that allow yourself to be seen. Because when you are seen, when you are recognized, people want to actually take care of you more. And that's something that I've really, really noticed is the more I allow myself to be seen, whether it be out in my community.

In my home with my family, seen for what I'm going through by my husband, by my children. I notice how quickly and effortlessly and lovingly they want to respond to me and support me and lift me up and encourage me to keep going. But for so long I've been doing this thing where it's like, if my husband gives me time.

Alex Cantone (17:53.772) I feel like then I owe him something, like I'm in debt to him. And then if I'm in debt to him, then I feel like I need to summon energy to then pay off that debt. And so it's easier to just stay small, to stay meek, to stay quiet. And to be clear, these are not like things that he's projecting onto me. This is all my own story.

Cause he does not hold anything over my head like, whoa, well, I did this thing earlier. So, you know, we like joke, obviously. There's woo, there's always gonna be brownie points in a relationship, right? I'm bringing him coffee in the morning. And then I'm like, I really wanna record. I really wanna record. He's like, Do you think you can hold on to it until nap time? And I'm like, I don't know.

I don't know if I'm gonna have it in me at that point.

And he's like, okay, follow the energy. Follow it. Go for it. I'm gonna take the kids out on a walk. And so here I am, alone in my house. I allowed myself to be seen, to be known for my desires in front of my husband. And he responded to that and invited me into it. And there was this kind of pleading.

Desperate almost, gosh, guilty. Are you sure? Gosh, no. Now you wanna do this thing and then one if it makes you feel some type of way and then you're gonna come back and then it's gonna be like da da.

Alex Cantone (19:39.956) But maybe let's say that's true. He takes the kids out on a walk and they're both having a hard time. They're both screaming. He's at his wit's end. He loses patience. The next time I see him, he's strung out. He's like, I can't do this, you know? It's really easy for me to put that on me and go.

I shouldn't have taken that time. That's just like so not cool. It's not even worth it. It's not even worth it. Why did I even do that? Now I have dysregulated kids, a dysregulated husband, and I've got to clean up the mess. Or reframe. Maybe it was challenging. Maybe my husband did lose some patience. Okay, backpedal a little bit.

He encouraged me to take this time. And now I've used it to pour back into myself. I didn't go, well, I really should like clean up and do these other things and make sure that this is taken care of and yada da-da-da-da. No, I'm gonna just use this entire time to get this energy out of my body and give back to myself. So that no matter what.

Emotional mental state my husband and my kids are in when I come back to them. I have the energy and the capacity to hold that because I just took care of myself. And that's what's breaking my brain right now. And maybe some like people who are listening to this are like, yeah, duh. But it's like,

okay. And also, what's probably gonna happen is I'm gonna see them and they're all gonna be fine. And he's gonna be like, it was great. There were some moments, but it was great, just like it always is, right? There's always moments, but that's not my fault or my responsibility. And my kids and my husband need a more resourced and capable version of me. So

Alex Cantone (22:02.2) Doing things for myself that actually energize me is necessary as a projector. On paper, it might look like I'm busier, I'm doing more, and I am. But doing more doesn't equal being more drained unless I'm busying myself doing the things that drain me.

Quite simply. And there are things that don't necessarily energize me that I have to do, right? I have to clean up the kitchen every single day, like 400 times a day. But I find myself more equipped to do it and enjoying it more when I'm taking these pockets of time to give back to myself. And I feel like I'm preaching the same thing over and over and over and over again, but I think I need to hear this.

over and over and over again. And I'm not gonna stop preaching about it until it clicks for me. And I do think it's finally clicking. That putting myself out there, that doing this for myself is necessary. And that as projectors, it's so easy to slip into the story that

You don't have enough energy, that you're not cut out for this, that you don't have it in you. And sometimes that feels true. But I can say with absolute certainty that every projector has something that energizes them, that is energy giving. And that when you find that thing.

And you tap into that, it's like tapping in to the life force that actually is consistently operating inside of you. You just have to be creative about how you use it. Just because you're a projector doesn't mean that you don't.

Alex Cantone (24:29.368) Have life force energy inside of you. You are alive right now, living inside a body that knows how to function, that knows how to wake up, that knows how to move, that knows how to speak, that knows how to listen, that knows how to nourish itself. You have life force.

Don't let the language trick you into thinking you don't have life force energy inside of you. But it's your job as a projector to become aware of how you are uniquely designed to use it. And when you tap into the thing that genuinely

Feeds that life force energy, you might find that you have more actually to give than the generator sitting next to you. And maybe it's not about more or less, but it just looks different. When you're lit up and when you're on, you can get stuff done at the speed of lightning. The way I

can get into something and the speed at which I can figure it out and tend to it and make something magical is pretty remarkable when I'm really focused and really just in it. The rate at which I can absorb information, it's like the projector can compress time. And we just have to be wise about it.

So it's not necessarily about looking at yourself in comparison to the rest of the world and saying, I inherently have less to give. And so I am inherently limited and I need to create limitations and parameters around myself in order to make sure that things are okay. Be careful of when it starts slipping into this limited, lesser-than mindset.

Alex Cantone (26:55.956) Instead, it's I have a remarkable way of seeing things and understanding things in a way that other people around me might not have access to.

And when I allow myself to sink deeply into that space and give myself that space and time, even if it's just a small tiny little pocket or window, to let myself go there, to let myself exhale into my own energy. I will arrive back to the surface more filled and more energized and more equipped to handle what

Whatever it is that life is throwing at me, whatever phase of life I'm finding myself in. You can reframe anything that feels limiting inside this experiment and awareness practice and beyond. I was going to finish the recording right there.

But as I opened my eyes, because my eyes were closed the entire time I was recording, a family member sent me a page from the book The Pivot Year. You tell life what you want, and life tells you how to get it. When you ask for soulmate love, you must listen if life says.

But not with them. When you ask for prosperity, you must listen if life says, but not like this. When you ask for belonging, you must listen if life says, but not hear. What feels on the surface like rejection is often redirection. When you ask for a big life, you cannot keep fighting.

Alex Cantone (29:09.582) For a smaller one to stay? What are the stories that you're telling yourself about how things need to be in order to keep the operation running smoothly? What are all the ways that you're limiting yourself by believing that you don't have the energy to see it through? What if there is a way?

To experience more by rearranging how you work and operate within your setup. What if it's not that you are inherently limited? But the conditions of your environment, of your society, of your culture have led you to believe that the limitations

And the constraints that have been put on you are just a part of the way it needs to be. Don't be afraid to ask for more. Don't be afraid to want more.

I'm telling you, as someone who has now landed on the other side of asking for more, of saying out loud, this isn't working for me, and I need it to be different in order to be okay. That I know that I'm meant to truly be happy and truly experience fulfillment and passion in this life.

And if everything we have isn't giving it to me, then I need to change something fundamentally about the way I'm looking at things and the way that I'm arranging things because it's not working. I'm telling you it's worth it. I'm telling you it's worth it to take that risk. I'm telling you it's worth it to let yourself be big, to let yourself be seen, no matter how scary.

Alex Cantone (31:25.184) Or terrifying, or how hard this phase of life is, because you have kids crawling all over you and needing something from you all the time. And then you feel like you have a partner to tend to and a house to tend to, and all these things that are just sucking your energy. They won't suck your energy anymore if you let yourself be known inside of the setup that you are creating for yourself, that you have the power to actually create the setup, that you are the central cog in all of this if you are the mom.

That it needs to work for you in order for it to be healthy for everyone else. You can fight for a bigger life. And maybe you're in a phase of life where this is the first time where you actually have to fight for yourself, to fight for your time, to fight for your energy. But by giving to yourself, you are not taking away from those around you. You are actually adding to them, adding to this.

beautiful life that you are capable of creating and feeling big and known and seen and heard and understood and loved inside of. But you have to be the one who fights for you. Because no one else is going to do it for you.