SPEAKER_00 0:00

Look for the bare necessities, the simple bare necessities. Forget about your worries and your strides. I snapped last night. I mean bare necessities.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

I feel like I can picture this.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

About nine thirty last night. I'd had I got, I think, six of the puppies were all cuddled right around me.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

Aww.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

I was just finishing watching the end of the movie Fury on Pluto TV. That's a Brad Pitt World War II movie. It was, it's not the greatest movie. No? No. I like Brad Pitt actually. So uh well, so do I, but this movie was just okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

2014. Yeah. So I was never even heard of it. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

The last couple minutes, and all of a sudden I hear it outside, and I'm like, nope. Cover comes off, and I'm I'm I'm at this point now. You just nope. Nope. No, that's where it was. Because now you gotta remember, we've had a massive bear problem in West Elmira. We have one hit by a car. Not long enough. Oh, that's right, that's right, that's right. We talked about this on the show. Right. So, you know, this has been a big thing, and it depends on where the bear's track is, on whose garbage gets rooted through. Sometimes it's further down on Glen and Larchmont, sometimes it's right up on my street. It's like, oh my God. So last night it was the uh it was obviously we were the direct path, right? And it was fairly early. I'm like, I could see like two in the morning. No, it's like 9:30 at night. People were still up around the neighborhood, you know, sort of.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

You can see lights on here and there.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

So anyway, I'm like, nope. So I get up. Of course, all the dogs follow me. Ginger, whom you have to lift off the and put on the bed all the time. Oh, jinger too. Except for the fact when a bear is there, she launches off the thing like a torpedo. So she's milking it, right? You're right, right, right. So here I am searching all over for my sweatpants and my hoodie, because I'm like, I'm I'm going on the deck and I'm gonna yell at the bear. Okay. So I go on the deck, dogs are losing their mind, everybody else sound asleep in the house. Uh-huh. And uh I right? And I'm out there, I'm like, hey! You know, that's the response. This is good. Yeah. So bear's not doing anything, garbage can't over. So, you know, tipped over. He's already going through it. Yeah. So I'm like, all right, we're not.

SPEAKER_01 2:13

He looks back and flips you off. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Pretty much. Honest to God. No, that's coming. So I go downstairs. I grab the headlamp. You know those super bright headlamps. Yes. I grab one and I can see that something's going on. So I get in my car. Okay. What? Hold on. I get in my car. I back out of my driveway and I go to pull forward. If I didn't hit the brakes, I would have pegged that deer dead right in front of my garbage can. You mean bear? Not garbage. I'm sorry, bear. Yeah. So I'm standing there. Bear looks at me like, ugh, those are some bright lights.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

That's so bold because we always talk about stories where bears will like shake cars and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

Well, I had it with this. This is, I mean, any neighbor, anybody in the neighborhood knows. My neighbor's garbage, all of them, no, I should say the ones further up the hill from me, are all dumped out. How it didn't hit Kelly and Jason's or my next door neighbors, I have no idea. So anyway, I'm watching the bear run over to their yard across the street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I pick up the garbage can and I put it back, put the one baggie and pulled out back in. Okay. And then uh I pull the car back in. A couple minutes later. After I had all the dogs, I'm like, you are a persistent bear. Yes. So back downstairs I go, I start the car, back it up, pull right up forward, bear takes off again. I'm like, certainly two times of me chasing off the bear in my car has done it, right? So what do I do? Pick up another bag. Okay. Now, back upstairs we go. All the dogs and I are settled in bed and again, and I'm like, okay. Like, no way! So at this point, back down to the car for the third time. How does Tiffany not wake up? I don't have a clue. I I don't know how anybody else. Dogs losing their mind on the deck. I'm down back in my car again.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

Wait, and Gavin and Lydia are still sleeping.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

Still sound asleep. I'm back down in my car again. This time the bear takes off. This time Kelly from across the street standing outside watching this because the bear's not gonna go after her. It's going looking for the empty can of fluff in the garbage, right? I wish she would have recorded this. There was no way to. So I'm looking at it. I I look over at Kelly, who's, you know, obviously all in her nighttime sweats, ready to go to bed. And I go, persistent, son of a you know what in. And she goes, Oh, he doesn't care about you at all. No. Finally, the third time around, I go, that's it. Because one of my bags got dragged across to their yard. Uh-huh. So I'm like, garbage cans coming back in the house. So I did that last night, which I'm not gonna lie, made me a little nervous. Like I didn't know if I was gonna be charged by the bear.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

Oh, and they were gonna uh what open up your door and then walk right in? No, no.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

When I was dragging the uh the garbage cans back to put them in the garage, I'm like, is this thing gonna chase me up the driveway? Right. Because my car's down at the end of the driveway, totally blocking the road, lighting up where the bear is. Oh my god. This bear just did not care. Wait, wait, wait, like that.

SPEAKER_01 4:52

Yes, I learned that okay, so there's like a couple different styles of bears, right? So the bears that live here, this is according to, you know, Nature Boys act, that if you see a bear that you're supposed to be really loud, kind of what you're doing in a way. Do you know me? Right. And then you're supposed to like, you know, make a lot of noise. Right, make a lot of noise. You'd fit right in with my church.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

So so you you're you're supposed to like, you know, puff up your chest, make a lot of noise, which sounds kind of like what you did in some.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Blowing the horn and opening my door and putting the high beans on this thing, you would think, you know.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Now, one of those mountain bears, you're supposed to play dead.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Oh, no. I said, I've seen Revenant. This is a well-domesticated black bear. Quite honestly, I'm surprised it hasn't come to the window and just been like, get a banana.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

I'm surprised it hasn't come and like shoot shoot some hoops in your driveway.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

Oh my gosh. So my question is this. What? And this is a serious question. Uh is it illegal for me, and maybe in West Elmyra, is it illegal and for because Tiffany this morning I was telling her about it. She goes, That's it, I'm getting a paint gun. I said, No, better yet, I said, Roman candles. Is it illegal for you know the long stick? Oh, the fireworks? Yeah, you'd always put it in a in like a Coke bottle or a beer bottle, and it's pop. So I got rid of crows one time in painted post when I lived there by shooting those into the tree. That's a good idea. They went a couple neighbors over. Uh so I'm wondering, can I shoot a couple Roman candles at a bear just to spook them? Like, I'm not trying to really hurt them. Right. He's more interested probably in hurting me. Ken, is it illegal? And and I need some answers because I can go across, I can hell actually, I can go to Sam's Club. I think they sell huge packages of them. I got two for one. I can get my Roman candles for the bear and a couple of uh cannons for Fourth of July.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

I didn't realize that they sold fireworks. I was thinking like Sky King or something.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

Yeah, right up by fire. You can't bring your propane tank into Sam's, but Jesus H Christ, you can have fireworks uh stacked to the ceiling.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

We can blow it up. So you're right, that's like the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

SPEAKER_00 6:49

I swear.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

So the second you bring a propane tank even to the door, they're like, get up!

SPEAKER_00 6:56

You know. I'm like, you have 875,000 fireworks stacked by the pharmacy. Uh-huh. All right. Can I can I launch uh can I launch uh maybe this isn't the best example in the world, but I want to get rid of the bears. Can I launch Roman candles? You know, it sounds like a great idea to me. Can I do that? Just to spook them off.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

That was a really good impression, by the way.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

Thank you. Anybody answer that.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

Also, is this on your camera? Somebody wanted to know. Would love to see this. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 7:24

I'll check on it. Me pulling in and out of a driveway three times, looking crazed. But that's what I want to share with all of you.