SPEAKER_02 0:00

Now I tease you with some of these that are coming up here. I'm gonna start with this one really quick. Your friend's super scary dad and why for Nelly tickets.

SPEAKER_00 0:08

I was scared of my friend's dad because have you ever seen a Mexican dad? They're very macho and they they're just scary looking. They talk loud and they have rules for everything.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

There is a cultural thing with that. It's like, I'm going to teach you how to dance and you're going to like it. And then like, are you happy or not? I'm about to tell you a joke.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

My friend Elena, who was visiting last weekend, her dad's Mexican. She's Mexican, Elena Casillas. And she her dad also got polio when he was a kid. Oh God.

SPEAKER_02 0:46

I'm just not walking anymore.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

He I mean he walks, but he's got like the he has the crutches and everything like that. He does. So imagine a rare thing to get. Jeez. I know. So imagine that personality.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

You know what I have in common with the president? FDR and I. Both and the polio. Imagine. And he better than that. I'm gonna beat you with my crutch. I'm gonna beat you with my crutches. Beat you with my crutches. Yes. Always had an S. I had the polyos.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Mix those two together. That's a scary dad.

SPEAKER_02 1:15

Man, that is good. We would uh let's see, where's this one here?

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Prom night.

SPEAKER_02 1:20

Oh, oh God. Okay, this is where's the psycho music.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

Fernelly tickets, why were you scared of your friend's dad? Prom night. Yes, prom night. My date's dad took me into the barn.

SPEAKER_02 1:31

I mean, I love the start of it already.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Proceeded to start breeding two horses. Oh god. What? During this, he asked me, What are your intentions with my daughter?

SPEAKER_02 1:42

Oh God.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

Told me when the curfew was, and then tased the male horse in the testicles to get it to stop mating. Wait! All while staring at me dead in the face.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

You knew now you wonder where these stories come from. You know, everybody hears these stories, but they're like, no, that didn't really happen. Apparently it did.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Yes, it did.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

Yeah. My friend Sarah's dad was the could you imagine if he was the Mexican dad? I'm going to dance the horse's balls now. Do not touch my daughters.

SPEAKER_01 2:12

Thank you, George Lopez. My my friend's dad or my friend Sarah's dad was the principal of our school.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

Oh, that in itself can be very intimidating.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

So anytime that I would go to her house, I was nervous, even to walk in the door. I didn't want to dress wrong, look at him wrong. To be honest with you, I didn't want to do anything wrong, let alone speak until we were out of his presence.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 2:34

Yeah, but you're already in the principal's house, not just his office, his house.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

By the way, is that the best one? No.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

No, there's ones that I mean, well, first of all, these have all been great. Don't get me wrong. Absolutely a contender automatically because of the first line of this story. And this one comes from uh 1237. I was scared of my friend's dad because he had one leg and pretended to be a pirate. It's funny now. And uh he was uh such a good sport about it. However, in second grade, scared the crap out of me. Oh my god, yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

It's a little unusual, you know?

unknown 3:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

Um, I remember this like it was yesterday. Our neighbor had a snake with a frog in its mouth. We were so sad. So we got her dad. He got his gun and shot the snake to save the frog, blew it to shreds, scared for life.

SPEAKER_02 3:26

Love the term blew it to shreds. Also, earlier in the text about the the uh dad that uh said he was in Vietnam, but he really wasn't, and uh uh the killing machine. I love the killing machine and shot it to shreds.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

Okay, wait, but this one might be the winner.

SPEAKER_02 3:41

Oh boy, they now brace yourself.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

I wasn't scared of my best friend Heather's dad. I was absolutely terrified of him. Here we go. For most of our childhood, he had us convinced that the reason his pumpkins grew so ridiculously huge every year was because anyone who crossed him and didn't do what they were supposed to do ended up helping fertilize the garden if you catch my dread. He said, don't tell anyone.

SPEAKER_02 4:14

No, of course not. And made it very clear except Scott Dalley.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

Right. And made it very clear we have to behave. And casually reminded us that we could become fertilizer too.

SPEAKER_02 4:25

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

To make matters worse, there was always a patch of fresh-looking dirt near the pumpkins. Always. When our parents divorced and he moved out, my best friend and I did what any rational, traumatized teenagers would do. We dug up the garden. Oh turns out there was no bodies, no missing people, no secret graveyard feeding giant pumpkins. The man was just a mother blanking liar with a ridiculously good green thumb. Yes. Twenty years later, and I'm still not sure whether to be impressed by the pumpkins or the commitment to the bit.

SPEAKER_02 5:01

I I have to go with the commitment. That's impressive. That's highly impressive. Exactly. You are going to become the fertilizer.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

This is hard to choose a winner.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

Oh my god, I know. I mean, admittedly, that'll terrify you right there.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

I mean, do we pick it?

SPEAKER_02 5:19

Honestly, I gotta tell you, prom night and tasing the horse balls, I don't know that you're gonna beat that. Although this is a very close second. Or maybe equal.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

I don't know. Here's the problem, Tom, prom night guy.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

You didn't register. Ah, Tom! How do I know it's you? I mean, yes, you signed it, Tom, but like, how do I call you?

SPEAKER_02 5:40

How do I award you these tickets? Tom, if you either get us your information, the like you just texted, in the next like five minutes. Yes. And then I would tell you later, go register on the app because this is one of those great reasons why if you're registered, we'd be able to just quickly call you. But Tom, if you can get us your information, I'll give you 10 minutes. If you can get us your information, prom night Tom, with the mating horses.

SPEAKER_01 6:04

God tasing the testicles.

SPEAKER_02 6:05

You'll you'll get Nelly tickets because I mean, when you say the term tasing testicles, you've already grabbed my attention.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

While the dad's looking you in the face.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

If not, pumpkin lady might come in second. This is tough. Also, I love the pirate father.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

I know. I do love the pirate father too. If we have more tickets, I mean I'll try. Okay, this is typical, Alan.

SPEAKER_02 6:25

Oh God, here it comes.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

I'll look.

SPEAKER_02 6:27

I guess who's not scary on the show? Her. She'll just give you everything she has.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

I know. That's why I make friends. Oh.