SPEAKER_01 0:03

Today is National Pina Colada Day, ladies and gentlemen.

SPEAKER_02 0:08

I love a pina colada. I don't order it very often, but I'll tell you when I do. Vacation.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:14

Always vacation. And you'll be on Seneca Lake, and randomly that pina colada machine just were your name. Were spinning.

SPEAKER_01 0:25

That spinning, I know what it is. Gonna be me and about five of them.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

You know, it's going round and round. And you say, give me that coconut goodness. Give me that creamy coconut goodness.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

Listen to this guy had himself uh one too many pina coladas, ain't you? If you like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain. You can't not sing this damn song. I know. Even you and me! I'm like, oh my god!

SPEAKER_02 0:53

If you have half a brain. Oh, wait, here we go. If you like making love at midnight, excuse me. I'm the love that you look for.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Another one of these songs. Just like the John Denver Take Me Home Country Roads. Were we born out of the womb? No. Like just the the DNA, it like, you know, picked it up. Yes, Twist and Shout.

SPEAKER_02 1:17

That's another one. I don't even know Twist and Shout. You just chew.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Here you go, listen to this guy. I will never drink a pina colada again. I had probably six or seven pina coladas on the beach yesterday, okay? Lost my family. Didn't know who I was or what I stood for, okay? I was literally out in the ocean acting like I was shamu. It's not fine. I will never be able to drink or eat anything coconut flavored as long as I live. And if that wasn't enough, I proceeded to drink a whole lot of wine and got lost in my little neighborhood that I was staying in. Couldn't find my way home for at least two hours, okay? So needless to say, it all started with the pina coladas, and I will not be doing that ever again. I will be staying away from the pina coladas. I got so tina turned, I don't even know who I am. Pina turned.

SPEAKER_02 2:06

It's not the pina coladas. Because the pina coladas, really, there's not there's never enough booze in that booze. What the problem was He mixed? Yes, you get into that wine. Oh, and the wine will do it after me. Yeah, no. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 2:23

The following is a public plea for sanity. Every day, ordinary people are exposed to the Pinha Colada song. But despite what you've been led to believe, there's no law requiring you to sing along. So knock it off. It's bad enough the song is playing in the first place. We don't need your unsolicited director's commentary on top of it. If it comes on at the grocery store, just shut your mouth and the song will expire on its own. If it comes on at a wedding, resist the urge to open your yapper. The song will eventually pass without your assistance. If it comes on in your dentist's office, please, your mouth is already occupied for God's sake. So, this National Pinha Colada Day. Remember that together we can break the cycle. We're asking you to make one good decision and just sit this one out. Think before you sing. Because the only thing worse than four minutes of the Pina Colada song is four minutes of the Pina Colada song featuring you. So the next time you hear Pina Colada, just sip your drink and let Rupert Holmes handle it. After all, he's been carrying this song since 1979 and certainly doesn't need your help now. This message brought to you by people trying to enjoy their lives without an obnoxious soundtrack.

SPEAKER_02 3:57

Thank you. In the dunes of the Cape. I'm sorry, what was that lyric? In the dunes of the Cape?

SPEAKER_01 4:03

Dunes on the Cape. Sand Dunes.

SPEAKER_02 4:07

I had no clue what that was.

SPEAKER_01 4:08

You made your own words up on that one, didn't you?

SPEAKER_02 4:10

If you love making love at midnight.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

Pay your dues and wear a cape.