We discuss the State of the Union Address and visit with Life Coach, Jessica Horton. A very enlightening discussion about coaching and the importance of being kind to oneself.
Alrighty. Welcome to the Kindness Chronicles, where we hope to inject the world with the dose of the Minnesota nice that it desperately needs. And here we are again. Steve Brown. Good day. Hi Steve. How are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm doing well. Uh, Kevin Gorg is not with us tonight. He is, uh, traveling with the Minnesota Wild. The wild loss. Three to two. Yikes. Yeah. Not fun. So he wouldn't have been fun to talk to anyway, so he's a little grumpy. We'll, we'll be okay. I wanna start with, a topical, uh, would it be a topical topic? Sure. And the night, what's on your mind, John of us recording this? Yeah. Is the State of the Union address? Yeah. And the State of the Union address, I think. we're doing a segment of, don't be that guy. Mm-hmm. I feel like the State of the Union address exposes our country as so divided more than anything we present to the world. It's like a, like a grade school scenario where they're picking teams and they're staying on their teams. it's very childish. Yeah. The way that they operate. In what way? Tell me what you mean by, well, I mean, here's my prediction. Yeah. And I'm pretty certain it's gonna be spot on Um, tonight, uh, president Biden will talk about all of the positive things that President Biden believes he has. accomplished Uhhuh for the country. Yeah. And the people that share his political leaning will stand and cheer. Mm-hmm. 75, 80 times up and down, up and down. I think of poor congressman Jerry nad. I am certain that they will have a defibrillator. He probably was stretching out and getting prepared. I would hope that he was preparing for tonight because it's so much up and down and anytime he, the president says something that, that, uh, the Democrats stand for. You can be certain that the Republicans will sit there with their arms folded. This will be a very low intensity workout for the Republicans tonight. My question is, and this isn't, I don't, I don't have, I don't go back that far politically necessarily. I haven't been following politics like this, uh, like we have in the recent years. But what is that, the tradition? Does that always happen like that? Do they always stick up and st you know, stand up and sit down like it? Catholic Mass. I, so I heard something today about that, and I think that this, it really kind of started during, uh, president Reagan's Oh, uh, tenure. Um, and what was unique about Reagan was, you know, the speaker of the house at the time that Reagan was the president was Tip, ah, I, I had that. And Tip O'Neil was, you know, a Democrat from, I think he was from Massachusetts, of course he was from Massachusetts. Yeah. And then you've got, Reagan, who you know, is a, a rock rib republican. And those two guys got along famously. Yeah. And it just doesn't exist anymore. I mean, there just doesn't seem to be any compromise. among, yeah. Yeah. It's kind of the name of the game nowadays. It's, and people just jump on board and they go, Nope, this is where I go. Well, and, and I was also, uh, listening to a, a program earlier today and Joe Manchin was on there and, you know, Joe is a Democrat. Mm-hmm. in probably one of the most republican, most red leaning states in the country, West Virginia. Yeah. During the last, uh, presidential election in 2020, uh, I, I think many people believe that Joe Manchin was gonna be the most powerful person in the Senate because he was this, very moderate Democrat whose constituents are these Republicans. Mm-hmm. And he was gonna vote with the Republicans from time to time. Um, and he has, and it really ticked off his colleagues on that side of the aisle. Yeah. And then when he would vote with the Democrats, as you might expect, that he would, his constituents freak out? Well, his constituents would get mad. And then of course, these people that were pumping up Joe Manchin, Uh, as this savior of the, of the nation on the Republican side, they'd get ticked off at him. Yeah. So Joe is kind of in a, a no win situation. the person that was doing the interview asked him, would you consider running for president, as an independent Independent, yeah. Or somebody that's not, that doesn't have a deer or an R next to his name, and he didn't say no. And I started thinking, you know, it's. Time for someone who's willing to compromise. I've got friends that are Democrats and I got friends that are Republicans and the Democrats will say compromise is a weakness. The Republicans will say, compromise in the weakness. it's the first time that those two people agree on something, which tells me not. Which tells me that maybe compromise is like the greatest strength that a person could have right now. Mm-hmm. And, uh, so I'm hoping that, uh, that somebody that, that is willing to be flexible. We try not to talk about politics, but tonight is just, a circus. Yeah. An absolute circus. Yeah. It's kind of where we are right now. Hopefully we can move through it. But that is a good point. I gotcha. I, I think I understand that. Let's, I just don't be that guy is, don't be an uncompromising person. Yeah. Before the, the show, you and I were talking about Facebook mm-hmm. and I had this little shtick going for a while where on Facebook if, if I saw somebody would put something super political, I would just put the police officer emoji as my response. I'm not gonna comment one way or another, but I was like, the people don't like that I was the Facebook police and people got really mad. the point that I always have is, you know, I believe that the reason you're called a friend on Facebook is Facebook should be a place where people talk about their triumphs and their trophies. Mm-hmm. and their travel and their trips, and all the Ts, all the Ts. Yeah. Other, other kids and like fun, fun photos, just everything. And, and, and traveling. It's a, it's a, a place to put the nice stuff about your life or about someone else's life. If you wanna rile people up, head to Twitter. Okay. on Twitter. They're not called friends. They're called followers. Yeah. um, that's Facebook is for friends. Keep your, so anyways, I, I would do this police officer emoji, and I think some people kind of got a kick out of it and was like, yeah, there, there's, there's that idiot trying to solve the world's problems with this stupid police officer emoji. But you're kind of like Elvis used to pull people over. It's kind of the same kind of thing, you know? I feel like, I feel like if I was given a badge, and a hat, Get one of those little lights that you just put on the top of your car. Yeah. I, I, I feel like I have the virtual light on the top of my car when I'm traversing Facebook I'm looking for, Reasons to, uh, you're, and, and, and I, I get where that it's coming from a place of you're trying to just, Hey, everybody, calm down. That's kind of your attitude. Calm down. It's not a, it's not a where's, my mom would say, calm down. Calm down, calm down. No, that, I get it. I'm in the, I'm in the same boat. I just don't have a, I don't have that badge. We gotta calm down. So we, uh, both, uh, discovered, uh, many fine kindness stories on the internets. This, uh, this week and you, uh, once again must have had a very slow week at work because you were hammering me with No, I'm, I am on LinkedIn a lot for work, and then I came across, oh, you just happened to come across him. Well, I've been kind of curating a new follow. I, I'm putting different people that I follow. I'm, I'm kind of change industries, so I'm kind of slowly switching over. Okay. And, uh, I find, I, I hit quotes of the day, which are really great quotes, but, I follow a couple people that really post really cool things and that, that fits really in with our, our wheelhouse. So yeah, it's not that I'm, you know, looking for that on, but it just kind of comes across. So I just sent'em to you right away, so it looks like I'm not doing anything, but No, I know you're doing things You're looking up, uh, stories of kindness, which is lovely. Yeah, I just. Does your employer listen to this? No. What I'm trying to tell you is I'm looking up things for work and I come across in for kindness. Oh, it's happenstance. Yeah. LinkedIn is kind of my place right now. So anyway, um, yes, I, I did send you a couple of them. One of'em was, uh, and, and this kind of falls within Valentine's Day, week, kind of, you know, it's a, you know, friendly, kind things you do for people. It kind of fits with our world. Mm-hmm. there was. A flight attendant, uh, that noticed. So it was a Delta flight, I believe. Um, and I don't have his name right. Looked like a Delta flight. Um, there was a, a person who was having a really hard time, obviously was shaken and freaking out about, about the flight and. This flight attendant gentleman sat down, held that person's hand, sat down in the aisle. The aisle In the aisle, yeah. The whole, whole way back before, before they landed, I believe, right? Yep. Um, and explained all the different sounds that were happening, explaining what's happening now. That's the wheels. This is gonna do this. Don't worry. This is all fine. And it, it calmed this person down and they got through. That is an act of kindness, an active act of kindness that everyone around. Group probably got a shot of oxytocin, right? That whole area, unless you're, you know, wanted to get through, had to go to the bathroom. I had to go to the bathroom. That was, uh, my first thought was God, getting over that guy to get to the restroom might be a challenge. If you're toward the front of the plane, you're not allowed to go to the first class bathrooms, They turn you around and say, go back to where your people were, all the way to the back for you kid. So ridiculous. Yeah. I just hate that. You know, like if you're in Delta comfort, I mean, you can see it. Yeah, you can see the bathroom. And they're not using it. That's not for you. It's not for your type of people. good Lord. I feel like Kevin would've a Seinfeld reference right here from them. Absolut, for sure. Those people have cookies. They have cookies. No, but that's, that was a great example of kindness. And would you do that, Jonathan? An act of kindness? An act of kindness? Would you do that for someone? Not an act of kindness. It was active kindness. Sure. There you go. Would I do that for someone? Yeah, I, I would hope. I think it takes hope. So I, here's Mike, here's my concern. Yeah. Yeah. The sitting down in the aisle in between the two seats. Yeah. I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to get back up. Well, and you're, that's not, I guess that's not our role because we as passengers and we, that person is a flight attendant and understands the safety and the need when they need to sit down and stuff. You and I, you know, we have to, you know, that might be harder, but I think sometimes people are a little nervous to do stuff like that. Even if in their hearts are like, oh, I want to help that guy. But I don't know if I should, I think I found myself in that spot sometimes. I dunno if I would do it only because, It seemed like a weird act. And what if, what if it's like, it falls apart where they go? No, just sir, sit down. Like now I look at the jackass somehow. Oh yeah. And that's kinda like, see I was thinking holds people back sometimes and it, it holds me back sometimes. Yeah. I sometimes think of myself as like a superhero my wife will tell you that there have been a couple of occasions where I have. Performed. The Heimlich Maneuver you have? Oh, yeah. At a person. Uh, dude at, there's this restaurant in Woodbury. Um, it's now closed. It's a place where the kids used to make pizzas. Anyways, we were sitting, um, near, I don't know why I'm telling this story, PE cuz I'm just, because you're, because I'm a superhero. You are. That's, that's what it is. And, um, I was sitting there with the, the, the kids and Becky and We were at a. At a window seat right next to the patio, and we're sitting there and all of a sudden I see a guy go running out into the patio and Becky says that she's talking to me. She looks and sees the guy out in the patio, turns back, I'm gone, and all of a sudden she looks back out and I'm giving this great big guy the Heimlich maneuver. Oh, and. The guy was big. Who, who was running the, the, the guy that was choking. He ran out the door. Why was he running out? I don't know. But that's maybe just, just, and you chased him out there. You put on your, you put on your cape and ran out there. Well, I just opened up my shirt. Oh, geez. That's all you need to do. But I, that's pretty cool. So I ran out there. Well, here's, here's the funny part. So I was able to get the food dislodged, but I continued to, cuz I didn't know that the food had been dislodged. Oh, big part, big, big point. He threw up all over me. Yeah. Okay. So I am now covered in this man's meal, and yeah, that's, I, I have to take off this. That's the part you don't see in the movie the, you don't see that part in the movies, So I come back in, I have to take my shirt off, but fortunately I had a t-shirt on underneath. And, uh, got free dessert. they gave us free dessert. That's all you say. But they actually, the patron, they came and they took him away in an ambulance. I mean, he was, he was without air for quite some time. Oh boy. It was, it was just freaky. That's amazing. maybe I have like a superhero instinct. You have a fight or flight and it's, it's fight, more fight than flight. So we have a great guest we're going to be visiting with here in a couple of minutes. Yeah, let's do it. All right. We'll be with her right after this break. And we are back John, I want to tell you about, uh, our next guest. She's a good friend of mine. We worked together at Target for a bunch of years. We both kind of learned how to do the production world. She was an event planner. I was a, oh, a corporate producer, uh, production end of it. But we worked together a lot and we were both looking at each other, uh, trying to figure out how to do this work. And we navigated through that and we. Becoming, uh, you know, like professionals and everything. I always wondered when you worked at Target, did you wear the red and khaki too? Only when we were required to, because you know that I was a Target guy. That's right guy. That's right. For many, for not many for like two years, right? Outta college, I forgot. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Red and khaki. Well, we, we did, when it came to the big national meetings and stuff, and there were certain days, but no, it was a, that was, in fact, you really didn't want to, because if you went in the store, Downtown then people would ask you questions. I know I wear things, I purposely wear red and khaki when I go shopping at Target because I like know that to send people. Oh, the toilet paper? Yeah, that's way back there in domestics. Anyway, I want to introduce you to my friend Jessica. Oh, Jessica's on. Jessica's on right here. Welcome Jessica to the Kindness on. Welcome. I am so happy to be here. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah. Well, there's a reason why I have you on here. Not just that I, I think you're a great person and you're a friend of mine. Um, you are a life coach, and John and I were talking about that. We're talking about different people we like to talk to, and you said, let's, let's talk to her. I, how do you become a life coach? Yeah. What does that mean? Go back a little bit and give us a quick scenario on how you got into this. Not, not only are you. Incredibly upbeat person, but I mean, you're perfect for this, but how did you arrive at this and how did you get trained for this? Thank you. That's so nice of you to say. Before I say any of that, I just have to say, when we were at Target, yeah. Steve was my very favorite person at Target. Well, everywhere he goes, anyone? Don't let anyone tell you any difference. Favorite producer to work with at Target So Jessica, Jessica out. I was more than thrilled to do this. Jessica, by way of background, Steve and I went to high school together. He was a couple years behind me and was always one of my favorite guys. You know, from that class, you had a couple of good, you had a nice class. Yeah, it good, good group. Yeah. Kevin Gorg and I started this, this podcast, uh, about a year and a half ago. Mm. And I instantly wanted to interview Steve cuz I was fascinated with, him as a rockstar and that part of his life. And just always a lovely guy. And we got so many downloads from Steve's followers. I thought maybe we should have Steve on more often now he's running the show Yeah, now he's wrote me into us. There you go. We're sitting at John's house doing this every Tuesday, but it's great. It's super cool. That's very smart. So yes, back to you. Tell us more. Tell us how this house started. Me. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, since lots of years in the corporate world, um, I started at a smaller kind of mom and pop event planning company, right outta. Kind of stumbled into that career. Didn't, um, when I applied for the job, I thought it was applying for a job as a buyer, a retail buyer. But when I went interview, I realized it was for buyer to purchase space for, and. Totally fish outta water. Had no idea what I was doing. Didn't go to school for event planning, but, you know, broke it outta college, needed a job. So, yeah, flew right into it and loved every minute of it. I just, I was like, why didn't I go to, I mean, I loved it. I loved the events, I loved the people I was meeting. I didn't love all the you. The drama and the craziness that goes into event planning. But I did, yeah. Love that work. Um, a couple years later, target came calling and that was like, that was it for me back in the day. I mean, target was like, yeah, the dream, dream job for me. So was it jumped in fast? That pretty, was it fast, fun and friendly when you were there? Was that the, was no. Was that the, the slogan though? Fast, fun and friendly. Yeah. That. F, F F? Yeah, absolutely. What's testament and friendly? Yeah, definitely Um, but it got a little, it got a little challenging. I burnt out pretty quickly, um, and ended up leaving in 2013. Um, at the time thinking I wanted to focus on family. So decided stay at home mom. That's what I'm gonna do. I had two small kids at home. Um, about three months into that I realized, no, no, that was not, not the role for me, love those babies. But, um, small dose. So yeah, small doses, love them to pieces. But, so I started doing freelance work. Same work I was doing at Target, but just doing it for myself. So I did that for about eight years and then the pandemic hit March, 2020 hit, and like so many people. Hospitality in that re in that space. I went from being fully booked out for the entire year to absolutely nothing in about a week and a half, so, mm-hmm. Yeah. Pretty crazy. Pretty scary. Yep. Um, but it gave me, I always say like, well, the pandemic, the horrors of the pandemic are not lost on me at all. I really just look at that. for me and my family as such a incredible blessing. Yeah. Because it gave me something that I had never had before, which was really that time and space to get clear on what I wanted to do next. Mm-hmm. So that's where I found coaching So I had always liked the idea of coaching, but this didn't know a lot about it. Definitely thought it was a lot of advice. Which I always felt like I was very, very good at Absolutely. She's a great listener. Yes, you are. Yes. I like to give a lot of advice, but going through, so I quickly, um, found a certification program to dive into, uh, first of all, lemme stop for a second. Uh, just wanted to know, oh yeah. Do you, did you have someone that you knew that did this? Like what, what led you to this? Yeah. Career. Yeah. I had a couple friends that, one that was studying to be a coach and then just a couple that were in that space, um, that had said to me a couple times like, you should try this. And, you know, I was just, let's not, you know, kinda went back and forth on it. And as I researched it a little bit more, I was like, oh yeah, this, this is it. I don't know, like something just, it's hard for me to describe, but something just kinda lit me up inside and I was like, oh, yeah, that's, that's it. So, yep. So jumped in the certification program very quickly realized that it was noted advice giving it's actually one of the number one things you should not do as a coach is giving really. So Yeah. So where, where do you get certification to be a coach? Yeah. There's lots of different programs, I would say. Um, the one I went to was Learning Journeys, the International Center for Coaching. It's in Woodbury m. But you can go anywhere. I would say if you are trying to be a coach, you're gonna wanna look for one that is accredited by the icf, which is the International Coaching Federation. Okay. Coaching is not, um, it's not regulated like psychology or anything like that, but I would say the ICF is really kind of like the governing body of culture. Yeah. Ok. Cool. If you'll, wow. So you definitely wanna find someone or find one that's I. Accredited, if that's important to you, which it was for me. So right away you realize it's not about giving advice, it's, it's something more Tell us, tell us the, the crux of it. It's so, it was, so that was real hard for me. I'm not gonna lie, Um, it's really about helping clients gain awareness of how they're showing up in the world, right? It's all about helping them find awareness. So I'm not giving advice, but rather holding space for them to. Figure, kind of dive through and figure out where their blind spots are, help them develop an action plan, really crushing those limited beliefs and imposter syndrome. But it's not me telling them, Hey, this is what you should do. It's really being there and asking really powerful questions to help them come to that space on their own. So you, it's really hard for me, so it's kinda, there's like a therapist element. There's very close to that, right? What's the difference there? Ooh. That's a great, um, great question. Um, I always say that coaching and therapy are two of the best modalities that could go hand in hand together, but they are truly really different therapy. God, I'm so impressed with myself aren't the same question, John. Yeah. I got it out first. I love it. Yeah. Tell, tell us the differe. Yeah, so therapy's really like healing and fixing any kind of past trauma, right? You're looking at things that have happened to you in your past, how you can fix them to move forward. Coaching is accepting where you are in the moment and inventing, uh, future possibilities from that space. So you're really looking at, this is where I am right now. This is where I wanna be in the future. So what are the goals Cool. And things that are gonna get me from here to there. And does this, does, does your coaching apply strictly to, uh, to, to your professional life? Or is it, you know, your life as a parent, your life as a friend? What does Yeah. There are so many different coaches. I mean, there are relationship coaches. Mm-hmm. there are parent coaches. There are, I have a friend that's a sober coach, so helping people get sober. Um, what are you focus on? I, there you go. I really focus on, Business owners. So that's kind of my sweet spot, is really helping business owners balance their wellbeing while they're trying to grow or scale a business. Mm-hmm. I feel like that wellbeing space is always the piece that tends to get left behind, especially as a small business owner. Mm-hmm. we're not focusing on our own health and wellness. Um, And so really putting that at the forefront. So it's, I really think being a successful business owner, it's really 80% mindset. It's getting the right mind frame and then it's the strategy, it's the marketing, it's the messaging, all of those people. That's a smart, so I really focus on the mindset. But, but as a business owner, that's really smart because that is, they, they, there's a lot of burnout there because they're watching every piece of that business go. And I've, I witnessed that all the time too. It's like they're stretched pretty thin and by the end of it, they're, they're the one that's, you know, has to jump on those calls and has to always be responsible for every, in the end, that's it all goes back to that person. So that's a very smart angle for you. Many business owners too. It's, we're so for small business owners, you're so, it can be isolating sometimes, right? Cause you're doing it all, A lot of times you're doing it all on your own. And so having coach, having someone in your corner that bounce different ideas of, um, Really helping you move through fear, right? Fear is such a big piece with mm-hmm. business owners. So helping you move through some of those inner critic things around fear, um, and then helping you develop your goals and staying accountable to that. You have a coach if you have someone in your corner. You're gonna wanna get it done. Yeah. Someone holding you report to them every week. Yeah. That's really great. Do you have, yeah. Do you like, have coach client privilege? Like do you No. Seriously because I would imagine that, you know, while you are helping people along the way, you're learning things. I mean, and can you use those examples that you have with other people? In helping your next client. Yeah, I'm really sensitive about confidentiality, of course. Like I never share names, I never share. Well, that's no fun. You know? So even if someone connects me with someone that their coach like. I want you to coach my sister. I would never tell someone that, yes, I am indeed coaching your sister unless they give me permission. So I'm really careful with that. But absolutely using learning from different coaching clients, because it does so many times with these small business owners. So much applies from one to the other. So absolutely, I would use it with. Multiple clients just being sensitive. It's funny cuz I'm an attorney and I have always told people, if you're interested in attorney client privilege, you're gonna find another attorney because I can't keep a secret So I have decided that I need to, uh, I need to be in a line of legal work that, uh, That allows me to, to tell stories. I love Ellen. Well, you're honest about it upfront. I mean, I like, I am, I'm, I'm aware of my shortcomings. There you go. Well, that's good. That's good self-awareness. I'm, I'm impressed with, first of all, I didn't know that's the angle you took. I think that's really cool. I, I do follow you on Instagram and I see what you're, she's, she's a presenter. She speaks places. She's the coach for Christ sake. It's really cool to, for me to watch you, Jessica. Um, you and I were in charge of events and we had to make sure the presenters got on stage and all this stuff, and now you are a presenter. That's so cool. That's such a turn of events to you. It's wild. I'd love to see it. I'm wild. I'm so happy for you and, and proud of you. But I think, um, I mean not there's no but there, it's just I am. That's amazing. It's so cool to see. Thank you. I appreciate that. I always say that public speaking was my, um, number one. It probably still is. I'm, if I'm being perfectly honest, it's one of my biggest fears, but it's one of the things that I. Love to do. Yeah. The most John speak, I don't speak, I dunno how I balance that. Yeah. John speaks a lot too. I do a lot of public speaking, but I have a perspiration problem. I, I, I'm not kidding you. I, I will, I was down in Texas. Did I tell you this story? I don't know. So I was down in Texas presenting to a group of, uh, of, uh, nice older folks about some, uh, charitable estate planning stuff. and it was so humid. It's hot down there in this building that we are in, and I just, I walked in, I thought this is gonna be a disaster. and, and witnessed it. I know. I've seen it. I sweat when it's, you know, 28 degrees and it's just awful. But it's when you're presenting, especially so, and, and so I could use 10 times worse. Yeah. I could use a little coaching and you could start the clock and send the bill to Steve, but here's the que. There you go. So I literally, like, I have decided that the only way that I. Disarm people from feeling uncomfortable watching me sweat is to address it. Jokes the very beginning. Big. Yeah. And I just say, you know, the good news is I'll probably lose five or six pounds um, you know, yeah. I'm, I am, I'm sweating. I'm probably not having a heart attack, but I am a hypochondria, so you never know. But what it's interesting, John, because you're not a, you're not a nervous person. You don't get nervous to speak. I don't, but it's just a manifests. Something happens to your body. So maybe we could talk after. Yeah. Cuz I could use some help in that regard. I have a question for you. You can totally talk. I I, oh yeah, go ahead. No. Oh, do are you? She's got a point for you. She got, let's go. Well, I was just going say, I love your idea of just addressing up upfront, right? So I tend to do the same thing, like I'm very nervous when I go speak, so I just kinda say it right in the beginning. Hey, I'm super freaked out. So, Yeah. I dunno. I just think there's something about being really authentic and vulnerable and everyone there is there to hear you like, right, they're not, they're not there to be mean to you or whatever. So it's like they're rooting for you. So just authentic, they sense. They sense that honesty and it kind of gives it a levity. Wow. And people can laugh for a second. Now you're more comfortable cuz you've made them laugh, right, John? You do. Wow. And a lady came up, I mean, it was so sweet. She walked up while I'm giving my presentation with a napkin And I said, unless, unless you've got a bath towel, that's not gonna help my situation. And then she said, why don't you take off your sport coat? And I said, If you saw the disaster that's going on underneath these sport, you don't know. Nobody needs to see that It's bad. Then your message has gotta live above all that. You gotta really deliver after that. Yeah. So one of the things that we really deliver that Steve mentioned about you and I think is very germane to what we talk about on this show, is the idea of being kind to yourself. And you know, we always talk about being kind to others, but you know, can you talk a little bit about, I know you don't give advice, But well, in this setting I can. You're not paying me the coach. It's different. Ok. A coach I can consult, I'm allowed to give advice here, but being kind to yourself, give my advice. I think is one of the most necessary things that you can do for yourself. and you know, I've got, you know, my, my children are, I, I'm very blessed that they're very ambitious. Um, but man, they are hard on themselves. You know, we beat up ourselves. I got a B plus on that test. I'm like, that's the highest grade I got. You know? Gimme a break. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think about that, Jessica? What's a, what's an idea for us? Any ideas? Yeah. I always think so. I'm real big on self-compassion and I think I'm so big on it. Cause I spent a lot of. Not being kind to myself and just in a multiple ways, like just not caring for my body, not caring for my mind, not, I just wasn't doing right by myself. Yeah. And I just, I feel like the thing that I always go back to now is how would I speak to my best friend? Ah, like the things that we say to ourselves, right? Like we think. How noticing your internal dialogue, how are you speaking to yourself on a daily basis? Some of the things that we say to ourselves in our minds, they're not very kind. Maybe they're not the worst thing. You're not like, I hate myself, you know, whatever. You're not going wild, but you're like, that was so dumb, or whatever. And it's like, would you tell if your friend made a mistake? Would you be like, that was so dumb. I mean, maybe something right? Yeah. But mostly you would speak to them in a kind. And so I think it's so important for us to remember how would you speak to your best friend? How would you speak to your loved one? That's how we need to be speaking to ourselves. That's pretty good. That's a good one, Jessica. I like that. Yeah. Yep. It could be, I imagine it's kinda hard. because we, we, we have patterns of, you know, how you're, you have a conversation kind of going in your mind all the time, but Yeah, like take a, yeah, take a beat and think back. Okay, that was really dumb, but yeah, let's, let's be nicer to myself about that one. Yeah. It's just, it's so nicer to yourself. Yeah. It's just so easy to not right? It is so easy and yeah, it's what a conundrum. But I think also giving yourself a little bit of grace, right? So. I don't know, like we all mess up. Everyone messes up, everyone, you know, screws things up. And it's like giving yourself a little bit of grace to say it's okay, you know? Like not everything has to be perfect. Not everything has to be great. Just giving yourself a little bit of, all right, get it next. Not a big deal. You gotta chill out more, John. That's all. I'm perfectly, I I have no problem being kind to myself, I'm, uh, no, I, I'm talking about other people. You know, those people with problems, those other, those other people. Those other people. Right, right. I got nothing. We gotta work on that. Then next week or something, that'll be next week's, uh, episode. That's, that's really good advice. I love that. And I, how can people find you? Let's, let's talk about how they can find you if they want to, uh, find your services and hear more about what you. Absolutely. I'm all over the, the social. So, um, I'm probably most active on Instagram. Mm-hmm. so it's Jessica Horton coaching. Um, I'm on LinkedIn, and then my website, it's real easy, Jessica Horton coaching.com. So I keep it all pretty simple. Mm-hmm. Well, I love it. I, I'm, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be very honest, uhoh, when Steve told me that we were gonna have a life coach, I, I was motivated by the idea, this, the idea of being kind to yourself. But I have a friend who decided he was, is that, is that friend you, John? No, no, no, no, no, no. I had a friend who decided he was going to be a motivational speaker. Oh, okay. And I thought, okay, motivational speaker. I mean, how, how does. You just decide I'm gonna be a motivational speaker. I mean, isn't don't you have to have, you have to have a good story, right? Well, had some legs to rich accomplishments to be a motivational speaker and this person didn't have that. Well, not exactly And I just, honestly, I thought to my myself, I was so pleased to hear that there's like an accreditation process to be a life coach because you, you know, I think that there are lots of people out there. Mm-hmm. that fancy themselves. Yeah. Amateur life coaches. I think you're right. Yeah. And they see themselves as people that give advice. Yeah. But it's not that as we, we learn, we learn. It's not that I'm surrounded by those people that wanna give me advice. Well, and I think the, the industry is growing really, really quickly. Right. Especially through Covid, the pandemic. Mm-hmm. I think they're seeing a lot of people that are a coach, right? There's health coaches, there's fitness coach. I mean, the list goes on and on. Yeah. And I don't think necessarily everyone has to have the certification. I do believe there is something to having the certification. Absolutely. That's all I'll say. I think there, it's an important piece for me to have. I dunno if everyone needs to have it, but for me, I think it's really important. It's kind of a, it's a guide, it's a, it's a templated format to at least a way of going forward with people. And I think it, it probably is, yeah. Must be very helpful and, and just like a therapist would need, um, They're, they're not telling you they're, they're basically, like you said, helping you with past trauma and then creating a, a pathway out of it and, and re re fixing all those things. But you're, you're about going forward. But it's the same idea. But I think, um, the accreditation must, must have given you some kind of a pathway there everyone is kind of trying to push toward. Yeah, and I think that's a good point too. Cause I think with. people that have not gone through a program. I think the lines between therapy and coaching get a little blurred. Yeah. And I think that can get a little risky, right? Like I am very clear with clients that I'm not a therapist, I don't claim to be a therapist. Mm-hmm. if it ever gets to the point where we're kinda impeding on some therapy, like things, I bet that happens a lot. Right? It's kind of has to cross over. It happens a lot. Yeah, absolutely. And so I'm really quick to call that out to a client or even refer them to. A therapist if they don't have one. So I just think it's very important to keep those two things separate. Cause we're not trained as therapists and we should never ask as such because you, I think you can do more harm than good. And John, I should add Jessica's very organized and very, um, yeah, as kind, I, I think you're a type A person. I'm not sure you as a meeting planner that kind of, you put in that category, but I know working with you, you're very organized and I can imagine you'd be so good at, um, holding people accountable for. Okay. That's what we talked about last week. Now how are things now like you, I imagine that's a big part of what you do and and holding people accountable. Yeah. And checking in and pushing em forward. Yes, she's, she'd be great at that. Yeah. So, well, thank you. I do always say I'm a recovering typing. Real, real typo back in the day, Steve, when we worked together, Right, right. So I'm gonna ask kind of an indelicate question. Um, how, how does one get compensated to be a coach? Do you charge by the hour? By the session? Yeah, by the, yeah. Do you just get a retainer? I always wanna monetize things. Not a podcast. We we're not doing that. It's impossible. It's impossible. There's no. You can maybe do that. Well, I mean, everyone does it differently. So I do either a package, but I'll do a six month package with clients or people can book, you know, one-off sessions. I used to do a 12 week package, but I found that after 12 weeks is when we were kind of just scratching the surface. So I think six months is, oh, like an every other week. Cadence is really kinda the sweet spot for most people. So if I do six months, do you spend an hour with them? I do. So the first session is two and a half hours, two and a half to three hours. It's a big kinda deep dive. We call it a discovery experience. So we're really looking at kinda laying the foundation, right? So we're looking at your core values and beliefs, your life satisfaction level, kind of where you're at right now. And then we're setting an intention of how. what do you wanna work on? Where, how do you wanna be at the end of this session? So that one is kinda needy. That's the only session that I really hold the agenda. So every session after that, I reach out to the, my clients a couple days in advance just to see what they'd like to focus on, what their goal is, and then they really hold the agenda. So, and those sessions are an hour you get together for coffee and stuff? Or how, how do you, where do you. Or do you? Is it just, you know what, I started out during the pandemic, so I'm a virtual kid. I've always been on Zoom. Um, I'm considering doing in-person at some point, but right now it really works. Just in terms, I still got young kids at home. So from a flexibility standpoint, Zoom's been That's great. Amazing. But. And then they have access to me between sessions. If they, you know, shoot me an email or have a question, they can reach out that way as well. Wow. So do you lock the kids like in the bathroom while you're doing your sessions or what? Uh, how does that work? Kidding. Don't close, close. I have, I have a sign on my door that they know. You better be quiet or you're, you know, dead to me. No, I don't, it's not, it's not that crazy, but, and they're a little bit older, very supportive husband at home. That kinda corres the kids when I'm on call, so. Well, that is so cool. I, I, so I, I'm so happy for you. I wanna wish you continued success. I'm glad you had a chance to talk to us and give us a little information. Um, I would love to. Connect with you again at some point. Maybe we'll have you back on if you want to give us an update of things are going, but this is great. I really appreciate it. Yeah, I might know a person or two and I'm, you guys are fantastic. I might know a person or two that has a need for that motivational speaker. Jessica, well that guy, So here's the story and that guy I do offer, um, 30 minutes pre-discovery calls. So I always say coaching as such a, there you go. Um, it's a two-way relationship. So that 30 minutes is really designed to. Let you kind of know a little bit about me. We talked about what coaching is and what you wanna work on and I really think it's gotta work. Work both ways. Yeah. You've gotta feel comfortable with me. I have to feel comfortable with you. It's be minutes. Yes, definitely are really good. Wants coaching 30 minutes session with me on my website. Well that is wonderful. Thank you Jessica. Thank you so much.