We visit with Life Coach and Best-Selling Author of "Name, Claim & Reframe," Andrea DeWitt.
We visit with Life Coach and Best-Selling Author of "Name, Claim & Reframe," Andrea DeWitt.
Welcome to the Kindness Chronicles, where we hope to inject the world with a dose of the Minnesota nice that it desperately needs. This is a special addition of the Kindness Chronicles. We're calling it the Travel Edition. Steve. Yeah. Have you been traveling lately? I have. I have. So yeah, this is the travel segment. This is the don't be that guy travel segment for Kindness Chronicles before we get to the Don't be that guy part of the program. Mm-hmm. tell me where, where have you been traveling to? So I took a, a small little vacation to Florida, Sarasota, Florida. Oh, very nice actually. Siesta Key, the, yeah. North Island. Beautiful. St. Armand's Key. Did you go to St. Armand's? No. Circle. Nope. Just went to one area and we had It's good. You saved a lot of money not going there. It was beautiful. We had a, an Airbnb with some friends and it was, everything's walkable. We walked to the beach, we walked out to eat to the bars. Sounds terrible. It was fantastic. Oh, that walking, geez. It was beautiful weather. The sand is beautiful there. Did you keep track of how many steps you got in? Are you one of those guys? Hell no. Okay. Good. No, but we did, you know, a little bit of walking. I know some people who like to keep track of how many steps and then they shame you. Oh yeah. For the lack of steps that you put a lot of pride in the steps, you know? Don't be that guy. Don't shame the non steppers. Here's the thing, we don't care how many steps you have, we don't care how many steps. Yeah, we're happy for you. Where does the parade route begin in Florida? In this, in this trip, uh, it was really just stepping to then lay down again, either on the beach or by the pool or, you know, sleeping or whatever. It's like just walking, laying down, waiting for sun, and that sounds like a perfect vacation. It was great, but the worst part of the vacationing. Is the, the, the travel part of the vacation. Yeah. Airports, uh, the airplanes. And, and you see, I, I have witnessed a lot of, uh, acts of kindness, uh, you know, throughout my, uh, travel experiences. Talked about that. I've been traveling for work. I was in Phoenix and I was in South Texas. Tomorrow at Thera Dawn, I'm leaving for Naples, and then I have my, daughter's senior trip to Mexico. That ought to be a real. You're gonna have a lot of great stories for us. Great stories. Then I'm gonna be going back to Mexico. So if you're looking to break into our house, um, March is probably a good time to do that. Wow. All kidding aside, uh, no. We have guard dogs and men with guns that will be here. Yep. But, um, ice, you, you talk about getting your steps in. Um, we're traveling with a another couple and they don't listen to the show. So they can talk about'em, and. They like to do the walking. Let's just walk there. Oh, and I like to talk about the fact that, one, I have diabetes and my feet don't. Feel great. Yeah. After walk and they don't seem to care. It's not a lot of walking that you want to be doing. I don't wanna do the walking. And then we go, we have a huge meal and then we have to walk back. I don't wanna do that. You gotta just wait a little bit. Wait a beat before you start moving. We did, we did. We didn't walk a lot, but we rode a bike. I thought this would be a great time to, yeah. We see all these people riding bikes on the beach on the, the hardest shore part of it. Oh, it was awful. Yeah. These bikes were really rusty and terrible. And the tires weren't wide enough. We, it was Sounds like a nightmare. It was not. It was a horrible, it was a workout. I didn't wanna do that. Well, this is the Kindness Chronicles. Yeah. So maybe we should quit complain. We could call it the Complaining Chronicles. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You had an incident that took place at the, uh, the airport that we talked about prior to, uh, hitting record. Yeah. And, uh, I think that we should cultivate that. Let's work this out. Well, I was a little irritated and it was more of a, it was a, don't be that guy, but it's really kind of my issue. Um, clearly we went to a, a, a coffee shop and ordered our coffee ahead of. and, uh, or like order a coffee in line. And so then you're, you've got, you're paid and you're already set up. Um, my wife had ordered it. My wife's name is Jennifer. Okay. We ordered two coffee. They, they called our coffee. Everyone's standing around and kind of, everyone knows kind of the timing of it. Yeah, yeah. You kind of know where you're at in the queue. Yeah, exactly. Called out her, her coffee, one coffee came, set it over, gave it to her. I stood there waiting and I'm looking at this lady right in front of me. She just walked up and sat, you know, kind of stood in front of the counter. Everyone's anxiously waiting. Their caffeine intake, you know, it was five in the morning before we flew it back here. Sure. So I was already a little crumb where, where this was in. Florida. Yeah. On the before, and I flew out. It's Florida. I flew back an airline I'd never heard of because of the snowstorm. Oh no. Yeah, Allegiant. Oh yeah. That's a nice airline. Um, But you get a, you walk on it and it looks like a bus. Uh, Allegiant Airline's a nice airline, Steve, you know what though? We're not gonna disparage Allegiant Airline. It was better than the other airline that we flew in on that canceled our flight without giving us another, so they, they were the heroes. Anyway, I'm waiting for this. The second coffee. Yep. And this woman I'm looking at, um, the name Jennifer comes up. I know that's mine. Everyone around me knows that it's mine cuz I've been waiting and they heard the first one she reaches for it, grabs it and walks out. Walks like at a brisk pace. Briskly. Like, like she stole your coffee. Yeah, she was stealing it. She stole your coffee. Coffee. So, so I am kind of a I I'm, did you have a special coffee? Was it like a mocha chino or something like, or one of those? She was a iced Americano. It was iced something. Oh, just, yeah, just simple. But I was, I was flabbergasted that she took it and everyone's looking at me, watching me react like it's a stupid Minnesota guy. I think that I, you know, Oh, and so your, so your kindness kind of prevented you from attacking her, maybe or tackling her? Yeah. Or maybe that's just fear of, of seeing, I was so surprised that she reached front arrest, grabbed and walked out. Didn't most people kinda go, wait, okay, is this, and you look around, is this mine? This mine? She just grabbed it and walked out. Um, and so I was irritated. So did you wait for her coffee? Um, no. I had another one made. Okay. And then we, uh, soon after that, Uh, Jennifer. So this lady's coffee came up. She wasn't there for it. She's drinking my coffee. Went out, and then I saw her walk back into the Starbucks. Starbucks, because she got the, she, she's like, I didn't drank, didn't order in Americano. Oh. I was so irritated. So don't be that guy. Wait and figure out, make sure it's your coffee. Yeah. Especially in the morning in Florida, on your way back from trip. No one's going gonna get between Steve and his coffee. It's flying into a snowstorm. Anyway, Jennifer. Yeah, I didn't, I said some mean things. Well, I'm sorry that that happened to you and I, uh, I didn't react. Well, perhaps when we visit with the, uh, the coach later on, uh, she'll be able to, uh, to talk you down off the left. I, I hope so. I hope so. I don't know if she can, um, do you have any nice stories to tell? Did you witness anything? Especially, uh, positive? Um, I have a nice story to tell. Yeah. I don't know. I'm sure I did. I don't know. I was travel. I, I don't travel very much for work. Sounds like you do now. Well, I have the, this is the kind of travel season for work. Got it. Um, you know, my wife travels a lot, so she's, you know, a million miler and she gets to go into the Delta Club with all the fancy people. Fancy. And I traveled with a, uh, a gentleman who is the, uh, the Grand Master of Minnesota Masonry this year. So he's kind of the grand pba. You gotta put the pedals down as he box the Grand pba. You should, you carry his sword and stuff. Well, I offered to carry his bags. No, go on. So that's cool. But he noticed that I was sitting out at the gate waiting with the regular people. and he invited me a normal. The normal people? Yeah, the normal people. He invited me to come into the Delta Club. Paid for it for me. Wow. We had a delightful time. They had the greatest macaroni and cheese. That's a nice thing. That's a nice, it was a very nice thing. And like if you're tra We weren't traveling together. Yeah. But we were together. He said, Hey, come on. Come on kid. Yeah. Can He kind of patted me on the head a little bit and said, come on kid, let me show you how the other half lives. They want a little cup of coffee. You know what? You go over there and you help yourself to one of those sandwiches. That was nice. It was very nice. So I just, if you're traveling with someone and you have access, you know, I, I love when you see the person that gives up their seat in first class for the, the military person. Yep. I personally have never done that. Um, but I've w cuz I usually don't sit in first class. My wife does. Okay. Yeah. Don't sit. It's really fun. She gets upgraded and I sit back in a middle seat, which isn't fair to anybody. It's not good for anybody. But I, I've always thought of myself as the kind of person that would give up their seat in first class to the military guy. Yeah. Until I'm sitting in the first class seat. and more than likely I would just salute the military guy as he goes back with your feet up into the middle seat. Yeah. My si in your my feet. My socks are off and I'm eating fresh cookies, by the way. Yeah, this is not the Crabby Fest. Um, this is a Kindness Chronicles and we're trying to encourage good things, but um, they're considering this is the travel segment. Let's hear a couple. Give us a couple. You travel a lot. Let's talk through a couple little things that don't be that guy's on a plane. Oh, absolutely. Like the don't be the guy. That the minute you get in the air, you throw your seat back. Mm. As far back as it goes without any consideration of the people behind you. I think it's a speed at which you do that. It's, you know what, you know what I do? If it's too fast, it's, it's slowing everybody. I slowly kind of sneak it back. They don't really notice Exactly. That's what I do too. It just kind of creep, creeps up on'em. I'm moving back a little bit. So if they're watching something or if it's a, you know, yeah. But yeah, people just ba boom, bam. And now you're, you know, people are, they're heads jarred. How about, uh, the flight that I took? Um, tons of families and God bless em. It's great. Kids are going to Disney, whatever. Everyone was barefoot on a plane. No, the moms, the kids. Put your shoes on. Put wear your shoes on the plane. Let's go to the bathroom and then come. Gross. Oh God, no. Yeah, I mean, especially, you know, you get a little, I mean, you've been in a bathroom. Gross. You know what we have, uh, we should get to our guests. We are. Yeah. We we're going, we're getting into a weird area here. We'll be right back after this. All right, we are back and we have a very special guest with us today. We have Andrea Mind, dewitt bestselling author and coach and life coach and, uh, You've got such a fascinating background and such a fascinating topic. I'm not going to even try and introduce it in a, I'll just sound like a moron and we don't wanna do that. So welcome, Andrea, tell us a little bit about yourself just to get started. Well, I always start by saying that I am proof that you're never too old, um, and it's never too late to live your dream. I had a 30 plus. Career in education, everything from teaching grammar school and being a reading specialist to teaching at the college level. And in my early fifties, I decided that that wasn't working and I bravely took a huge leap of faith in myself and that's kind to believe in ourselves. And I went back to school and I earned my coaching certification and started the coaching. In my early fifties. Wow. And, um, I'm really, I think that for your audience, you know, it's, it, it, you can always pivot if things aren't working for you, you can pivot and name, claim, and reframe is really how I, what I did to take my power back in a grateful way. And that's what I teach my clients and that's what my book is about. And, and when did the, the book come out? The book just came out. December 20th. Okay, so she's in promotion phase right now, still? I am in promotion and Cool. I was, I'm the dark horse. We, you know, I, they, my publisher, Haer Press, took a gamble with me. I mean, I was unknown and it just, this book has just. Resonating with people. We'll talk about why we talked about what we were gonna talk about, which be fun. But, you know, we, we were chosen by the Today Show as the number one motivational. I saw that, I mean, Seriously, and I said this to you, but I'm gonna say, cause I think it's funny. I mean, why not have the messenger be a 60 year old lady with dry skin? I mean, I'm the perfect person. I don't threaten anyone. I mean, it's so much fun. And this is such a, a very, um, it's, it's, the message is upbeat and it's about taking your power back. And it's not angry, it's hopeful, and it's kind boy, which is what you're the kindest chronicles are all about. Exactly. So I'm just curious, did were, you were aware that the Today Show had selected it. You weren't just sitting there watching Hoda and Savannah and all of a sudden, wait a minute. Well, I, it was kinda fast. It was, you know, in the midst of the holiday, you know, we had, it was January 6th. January, yeah. Yeah. And my publish. Called me and it was a bit of a fire drill and we had to get books to them and they, I think I found out on a Tuesday and they announced it on Friday and Amazon sold out of books. And so, wow. We were, and I was winning all these best seller awards and they were, my publisher was, you know, kind of caught. Cause we didn't have enough books and so we had to get books to them. Wow. And, and then it really was like having rocket fuel. It's a fun problem. Yeah. Exciting. It was a wonderful product. And it's, it's a bit, I, I'm so grateful. And this was your first book? This was my first book. Oh geez. My first book. Yeah. I mean, and it just shows that people are looking for positivity, um, and ways to really feel better. And, and you know, the subtitle of my book is Name, claim, and Reframe Your Path to a Well Lived Life and a Well Lived. It doesn't, isn't perfect, but it means that you really have, you know exactly where you are and that you feel good about where you are and you've really taken your power back and you're graceful and kind and feeling good about things, I think. Great. And that's what this book is about. I think that's part of what this show is about too. We've realized there's so much division and, and, and, and there's a call for authenticity and people with a little more. Integrity and we're, we're trying to just see those moments and highlight'em and I'll try to live to it and try to push forward. Cuz we all do better when we all do better. Well, and this also absolutely this, these stories kind of, we get kind of high on these stories. Yeah. We like the oxytocin buzz that we get and we just like to spread that around. in lieu of drinking beer or other chemicals. This is, this is how we get our, get our charge. Yeah. So what, what, what was it that, uh, inspired you to, to write a book? I mean, you became a coach and writing a book is quite a significant undertaking. I mean, talk about risk taking. That's a great, you know, that's a great question and I'm gonna be really honest because I think I wanna inspire other people. To really live in their truth. It was during Covid. Yep. Um, everyone was afraid. It was that, you know, In 2020 when everyone got, got afraid and stopped and stopped investing. And so, uh, my coaching practice was zero. I had no clients and I said to my husband, you know what, I've always wanted to write a book. I know I have a system that works. And so I got really brave. I hired a developmental editor who helped me to really organize it, and I started writing and it took me nine months. And in nine months I had this powerful book and I did a book proposal. And by the grace of Enchanted, I don't know what I got a, I got. Different offers from, from real publishers. And bingo here we're, so this message, it resonated people and it people really were looking for something, tools to really, um, feel better about where they were. Mm-hmm. and to really get back on track. Good timing. And you know, what I've noticed is as negative as, the rap. C has had, um, we had another author on probably three months ago, his name was Steve Adelman and he was in the, uh, the nightclub business all over the world. Mm-hmm. And he had never, ever even considered writing a book. And during c o he wrote a book, it's called Nocturnal Admissions, and it was all about, it's a great. Awesome title. Yeah, it's an awesome, I mean, right there you think Boo, what's in Napa book? Well I wanna, I wanna open that book. Exactly. And what was sort, what we were expecting was, you know, I mean he was in the nightclub business and he was business partners with the Bruce Willis's and Dan Akroyd. Yeah. All these, these famous people and. You initially think, oh, this is gonna be salacious. Yeah. And, you know, I can't. And it was just all about the joy and the kindness, the good stuff, and the kindness that he experienced. Unexpected kindness in people that you don't expect it from. And I, and, and it too was an Amazon bestseller. the book did extremely well. He's actually writing a second book. Are you working on your second book? We, you know, what I'm working on is, is, uh, a workbook that goes with my book. Ok. Is it's deep Cause it's deep work. Is this ok, gentlemen? Yeah. Could I just explain what the name, claim, and reframe system is? Understand. Let's go. So, Name, claim and reframe are all coaching terms and they, you know, people think life coaches are kinda woo woo and, cause I come from an academic background, I love structures and I love to make content accessible. So I thought, you know what, I can use those terms to help give people tools. So the name, the name is gaining awareness of your pain point by understanding why you are reacting to the challenge before you instead of responding. So it's an opportunity to, to really notice and take your power back gracefully. The claim step is claiming resonant actions that match up with your core values. I mean, most people don't know what their core values are. We think we do. But when we understand what our core values are, it's easier for us to know where, what we want and where we wanna go and keep sacred. What's most important to us, like our energetic boundaries, right? Yeah. And then the reframe is you. you can't reframe until you've named and claim. The reframe is where you can really step back from, you know, an adverse situation or a challenge or a plot twist and separate your ego and think, okay, who do I wanna be in this situation and how can I look at it in, in a different way if I separate my ego and think about how. How will this really serve my future? Because oftentimes when we have challenging things happen in our lives, we actually can harvest great learning. Or maybe there was, we were going down a road that really wasn't the right road, and it really was a great. Way for us to, to go and we didn't realize it. So it's that perspective shifting and separating our ego and when, and I'm gonna go with the Kindness Chronicles, when we separate our ego, we are kinder because then we consider somebody else's point of view or how maybe our actions might have. affected somebody else negatively lean. We can think, you know what? I'm gonna be a bigger person. Maybe I'll apologize. Or I'll just give that person the benefit of the doubt. So it's, I found this work really has made me a kinder, more generous person, and I think that we can use that in this world. It sounds like it's a a bit of hard work and it also have to be in the framing of thinking about how you're acting, so that has something has to bring you to this position. Where're like, wait a. What's going on, right? Like you have, you have to, you, you have to arrive at this feeling that you need to change something. Well, I mean, the whole thing is around, I mean, I'm, I'm a leadership coach, so I mean, if you wanna be a good leader, that starts with you. You, you have to be truthful with yourself, and I think if you're truthful with yourself about, Hey, I'm being triggered by this. Something about this is making me, is causing me to react to this person. Mm-hmm. maybe I'm getting controlling or I'm getting defensive, instead of maybe getting curious and asking question. So it's really about really thinking about where you are at any given moment. Mm-hmm. So you can really show up as your best, your best self. Sounds smart. Sounds good. One of the, one of the things amazing that you address is this, uh, the, the, the, the, the masculine and, and the feminine. And can you just explain a little bit more about, uh, you know, we live in a world where, uh, you know, masculine and feminine, uh, isn't the whole story anymore. I mean, there's, you know, it isn't. It isn't. And I think, um, well, I wanna start by saying, I talk about masculine leadership traits and feminine leadership traits, and I'll, we'll talk about that, but I wanna make it really clear. Both men and women or however you identify, these are non-binary traits. So we, we all have masculine leadership traits. We all have feminine leadership traits, and we talk about being above the line. We are responding like a masculine above the line Trait would be being assertive and taking ownership and being proactive. Visionary above the. Feminine traits might be being, um, attuned to other people's emotions, being empathetic, creating, cultivating, um, collaboration, being, um, versatile and being vulnerable. I mean, bene Brown has talked a lot about that. Yeah. how so? Those are above the line responses. How I got interested in this is cause I realized I grew up in a very masculine household, and I realized that I had been a warrior most of my life. I had showed up with masculine traits, which is really great. I got a lot done. I was very ambitious. I was very straightforward. However, when I was triggered, I would show up and be controlling, confrontational, close-minded. um, maybe intimidating and those are not really good qualities, of a leader. And so I thought, oh, this is maybe why I haven't really, I, I, I met with resistance with the people I was working with, and when I learned about what was under my armor, I mean, I have a lot of incredible masculine traits and I have to. Catch myself. Cause I, if I get triggered, I will go warrior. I have to remind myself, oops, you're going warrior. Who do you wanna be? What can you pull in? And underneath my armor with all this really cool stuff, and I think we all have this, like, I mean, you gentlemen have. Feminine leadership traits in that you're good listeners and that you guys are curious and that you are, have generosity, you're inviting voices onto your podcast to elevate other voices. That's, those are very incredibly generous feminine traits. And it doesn't mean, it just means that you're, you are just. Feminine energy is about being where Masculine's about doing below the line feminine, which makes my skin just cause we all go there below the line. Feminine. A wounded response would be when we are gossiping. and we say unkind things about people. We compare ourselves to people. We might be evasive, we might be passive aggressive, manipulation, we might manipulate things. I mean, there's, there's, I mean I think that when, and we've all done it and we've seen people, we've all worked with people that have done it. And so when I noticed that, I think, Ooh, I'm going there. Who do I really wanna? what can I do and why am I feeling threatened and why am I doing that? So it's the, it's the choice to respond to adversity instead of react to it. And to me, when you react, you're back on your heel, you're outta your power. Yeah. When you respond, it means you're strategic, you resourceful, and it's much more graceful. And I'm going to add it's kinder makes the world a better place. We're more generous. Because that's what it is in a nutshell. Okay. What I find fascinating is the, the, the fact that you've been able to turn this, uh, gender binary into something that is, is, is a positive thing. You know, that it without, with the, I hope. I hope so. You know, I mean, I think, have you gotten any pushback? I mean, have you had people that have been triggered or offended by the fact that you're, I had, um, it's, you know, it's, I think Amazon reviews are always really interesting. I've gotten really amazing reviews, but one, um, one person was thought that, It was, they were sick of hearing about masculine and feminine, and they thought it was, it was overdone. And that's fine. I mean, to me that's feedback. That's a reframe. I, it's just a way to frame it up as a gift. I, I, I like it too. And I, I think if that's, you can have that opinion and it then this work isn't for you. That's fine. Yeah. I mean, I think, I think that there is something about this. That could be brought into organizations, any kind of organization, and it's a conversation that you get to have with people about really showing up as our best selves. And that's, that's being kind and being kind to yourself first. Cause you're receding yourself. How do I really feel about that? A lot of this though, what you're saying, Andrea, has to do with people being aware of how they're acting and that's, I think that's the first step. You have to jump. Way of realizing, kind of back what I was saying before, you have to arrive at this awareness that, ooh, what I, what I'm saying isn't, isn't going, going over well, or, or it's, I get the same reactions. People sometimes in this, in our world don't even see it. Let me, lemme give you an example. Um, um, my, I mean, talk about a well lived life in a hurricane. My, we're putting my father into, um, into a assisted. Situation and today I was navigating problems with the hospital and they were pushing back on me. You know, I was, I wasn't getting what I, what they said they were gonna give me. And I started to go Warrior, oh, oh, here we go. I started to, I started to get angry, masculine. Here you go. Below the line, masculine. Yes. I went below the line, gentlemen And so I thought to myself, Andrea, for starters, you're doing a podcast today. Talk about your book. Better Walk. So I noticed I was going below blind and I thought, who do you wanna be? And I said to the person I was talking, I'm sorry. This is, this situation is so triggering for me. I love my dad and I'm very worried about him. Let, can I start again and ask you in a way Wow, that's some power. And so, and right there I disarmed the person I was talking to because I had literally, they thought, oh, this woman coming out. Yeah. And I, right there, I admitted my mistake. I owned up for my, my ba, my, my reactive response. I actually got exactly what I wanted from this person because I owned up for my, you know, for the reaction. And it just, I felt, and at the end I thought, you know, I didn't get mad at her. I mean, I apologize. And then I got what I needed. And then the most important thing is I got what I needed from my dad, who I love. And we, we often talk about just the value, the power of an apology. Oh my goodness. And, and it's Do you wanna follow the leader that apologizes? I do. Yeah. And it's, and it's so, and here's what's, we're not gonna talk politics Cause we don't talk politics. Oh, well I'm so glad you don't. Cause it's, cause this talk about a triggering. Right, right. And it's all below the line. All there's, it's, there's no, all of it's. So it's really interesting. You use the term above and below the line as it relates to, feminine masculine qualities, raising my children. we talk about this, the latter of accountability. And there's victim's behaviors and then there's owner's behaviors and victim's behaviors are below the line. We talk about below the line. And I would say that victim, like when you say victim, that's a below the line. Yes. Wounded feminine response. And when you say ownership, like the owner that's above the line, masculine, like, Ooh. When you own up to it, stream. Yeah, the Schwetz home has extremes in their ladder. I can't believe that you're getting away with this, Andrea. I love it. And it, it's, but I mean, it's like, I mean, it's ownership. It's, I mean, why It's absolute ownership and I mean, you could be, I mean, it, it, it's non, I mean it's non-gender. We all do it. We all do it, but we all have these traits and we, we wanna live above the line as it relates to both our feminine and masculine trait. I think that reframing the, just the whole concept of gender, um, is very, it's ripe for the picking right now. And I hope so. I, I sure hope so. I, I feel like. Um, when we had, we had problems, you know, we've had a, our poor world and our poor country has had problems and it's so much anger. Oh. And a lot of women being very anger, very angry about, you know, being, feeling that they weren't seen or heard. And they weren't treated right. And I mean, They had rights to be angry. And what I, what this message is, I feel that I, because I'm 60 and I've lived a bit little, I, I spent my whole life being angry. I don't wanna be angry anymore. I mean, I would rather say, you know what, I'm gonna let that go and I'm gonna say that I'm gonna, I'm gonna look at that and say, why am I angry? And I need to deal with, I need to be kind to. And receive myself with compassion. And then how am I gonna reframe this in a way that's gonna work for me so I can be a better person? And sometimes that's forgiveness. I mean, Joseph Campbell said that when you forgive, you set a prisoner free and you realize that prisoner was you and that kindness gentlemen. That's kindness. Yes. And forgiveness is really, there's no, we, we, we don't have enough of it. And I mean, there are things that are really hard to forgive, but I think that if we can, we can find something in it. You know, grace, there is, there is grace takes us so much farther in life and then, and we are more balance. We feel better about ourselves and it ripples out into the world and makes the world a better place. Oh yeah. And Grace is definitely a door that swings both ways. I mean, if you give Grace, you're more likely to receive it. Um, that is such a great point. You're absolutely right. Karma. And Karma too. Same idea. So we have, yeah, karma. We recently had a coach on by the name of, Jessica Horton What we talked about with her was just the importance of being kind to yourself and, and just how powerful that can be to your own psyche and yeah, self-talk if you're always negative to yourself. She said. Think about yourself as a friend. How would you say that to your friend? To your friend? You talk about actions that line up with your core values. You know, you feel like you know what your core values are, but my, my wife has her friends and friends of our children take this, uh, strengths finder to kind of find out where their, their personal, like professional strengths are. Yeah, yeah. It's, uh, how, how does one assess or determine what their core values are? Well, you know, I'm so glad you asked me that because I have in my book a little exercise that you can go through and really get clear about what your core values are. What I will tell you, which really when I became a coach, I learned so much about this and actually dissonant experiences, negative experiences with, you know, that we. inform us way more about our core values than positive resonant experiences. When a client comes to me and they're, they're hot and bothered about something, I will ask them, okay, what core value was trumped? What can't you be with about, about this situation? And they'll say, well, gosh, you know, I feel like I wasn't respected. Or, um, someone, someone, you know, Just silenced me. I wasn't heard. And so, right. There you go. Oh, okay. I didn't know that was important to me. And so that's a core value. And I think when we are clear on what our core values are, it's much easier to see where we wanna go. Like if I, I work with people on goal setting and getting what they want and going out there and getting what they want. And when you know what's important, what those core values, Then you know, where you what, where you wanna go, and also, you know how to protect what's most sacred, like your energetic boundaries. I mean, when someone trumps on a core value, it's like, that's not okay. It's okay to say, you know what? That No, thank you. I, I don't, I mean, I think we have a hard time saying no. Especially women I think have a hard time. We we're people pleasers and it's OK to say a kind, but clear, no, thank you. That's not gonna work for. and right there you've really saved yourself resentment. I mean, that's Talk about resentment. That's a below the line response reaction, isn't it? I mean, it takes. Three seconds to say No thank you. That's not gonna work. If you, when you say yes, and you really mean no then you spent a week thinking trouble. Yeah. Kinda don't wanna do that. You know all Yeah. Beat yourself up too. Yeah. Yep. Exactly. And then maybe you're not even nice to the person that you're doing, you said yes to. Well, I mean, it, it's all, it's all that kind. It's really about self-awareness. Cause it starts with you and you know, The podcast that you did with Jessica was about being kind to yourself, and this work really starts with yourself and in your truth. Well, you know, and we are from Minnesota. All of us are from Minnesota. A lot of our listeners are here, and Minnesota Nice is, um, it's a, it's a real thing, but we also, there's a. It's Minnesota. Nice with a little asterisk. There's, uh, passive aggressive m passive aggressive Minnesota. Nice passive, passive aggressive m below, I would say below the line for sure happening. The passive aggressive, manipulative, you know? Yeah. And we've, and I've done it. I bet you, you gentlemen have done it. We've all done it. Yeah. Yeah. We're, we're really good at it. So, Andrea, I, I, I, I must confess, when I first read your bio and read about the book, didn't read the book, but read about the book, I thought, okay, this is a book that is geared towards women. It sounds like this is a book that would probably be more beneficial to men. I think it would be beneficial to both men and women. I really do. In fact, what's been really fun about this, and I mean I did, I wrote it really around because I was interested in really strengthening my leadership skills. Yeah. By bringing in more femininity. Because, because I am a, I would say I'm a lawyer in recovery, which means that I have to catch myself like I did the story I told you about, I. Today when I had to catch myself. But my husband, who is, I mean, he's very masculine guy and you know, very into his above line masculine. He and I talk about, he'll say, That Do you think, don't you think that was a little below the line or, you know, let's, let's keep it above the line and it's, it's really cost us to have incredible conversations. I, I have men clients who use this. Um, I have, um, colleagues that are men that use this. It's, it's really, I mean, and I did not, and I, I need to say that I didn't think of a bubble line below the line. This comes from conscious leader. Group, and they, they, they talk about it, and I'm not quoting them correctly, it's in my book, but they say conscious leaders know where they are at any given moment, which means that they might be, they might be triggered to react to something, but they have made the choice. to notice and then choose again so they can respond. That's powerful. And my goodness, I think it's powerful. And I think that, um, gosh, can you imagine what could happen everywhere? You know, not just in the workplace, in in our homes with when we're talking to our children mm-hmm. with our family members, with our friends. It's a, it's a great way to categorize you the way you think of things. Think about. It's just, I mean, it's really about, I mean, again, I say taking your power back in a strategic, resourceful, and graceful way. I have one, uh, final question before we find out how we can get your book, because I am reading this book. Yeah. I don't read many books. no, I'm Siri. I hard. You used the term triggering. Yeah. And triggering is a term that I think has become much more mainstream in the last I kids say it all the time, dad's triggering me. You're, you're triggering me. Yeah. Um, it's always been there, but I don't know if it's been, it's kind of a hot thing. Branded. It's a new word. Yeah. It's triggering. Yeah. If I'm triggered by the term trigger, Is that a below the line masculine trait? Well, you know, I, I, I, I wanna say, I mean, there are people that do not like that word triggered because it's, um, you know, we, we, there's a lot of people that feel very strongly about guns and, and not don't like guns. And so when I say triggered, it's just, you know, I, what I mean by it is that you are, you feel. You're going to react. Oh, no, I understand. Yeah. I hadn't even thought about the, I have, I have to be careful, I suppose. Yeah, because I, I, I, I want to be for your listeners, I mean, I think you have to be careful, but being triggered, no, it's both masculine and feminine. I mean, when you are passive aggressive, that's a wounded feminine reaction. You're triggered by something you feel threatened. I mean, when you are triggered, you're threatened in some way. You don't feel safe, you're back on your. And when I say that, that's what I mean is you're back on your heels. So you're reacting and then and reacting. Oftentimes it's, you know, it's, it's a trigger response. We just do it. We, we do it quickly. When we respond, we've given ourselves a to think about who do I want to be in this situation? I get choose again. If someone steals your, and today I did Cho choose again, I apologize, and then I chose again a response that really fit who I wanted to be and. By the way, I got what I wanted. Absolutely. Cause I was nice. Cause I was nicer than I was being. And it just makes you feel better about the way you conducted yourself, which I mean to me is again, you gave them grace and in response, you know, you got grace. And you had a question, Steve. I could have probably handled a moment, uh, at the airport where a woman took my coffee. She thought it was hers. I, I, I didn't explode on her, but I was, I was more just like, I, I was Minnesota. You were triggered. I was triggered. I was like, what? You were. Everyone knew around me that it wasn't her coffee. They knew it was mine. You needed that coffee and I was Minnesota guy, like, just showed aggression. Well, I would say with coffee, especially in the morning, it was early. I'd give, I'll give you some grace. Thank you. But I could have, I could have done it better. Andrea, I can't remember if we, if we talked about this before or if this was, uh, when after we hit record, um, you were, uh, recognized by the Today Show. I was, tell us about that and what a thrill that must have been. Oh goodness. Well, my book, we, I was so frustrated cause my book, we, I had five different, Release dates and it just, they kept pushing it back and pushing it back. And so I, my release date was December 20th, 2022 and I thought, oh, this is the worst time for a book to come out. I mean, no one's gonna know about this book. Well, I have this incredible marketing firm who are, they're from, um, minutes. Michigan weaving influence and they helped me to market this book, and between them, my and my publisher, somehow. We got word on January 6th that it had been chosen as the 23 motivational read of the year. Wow. And I mean, my goodness, for someone like me, just first time author, unknown first time author, I mean, I was, it's a miracle. I mean, I think, I mean, I, I, people, I felt like people were, I, I. I'm the dark horse. I mean, no one expected this book and my publisher, Hatherly Press. They've just been, it's been so much fun for all of us. Um, and we're just, we're we're just, it's like rocket fuel. We're a fun ride. Yeah. This mess. Well, it's also a movement and it's, it, I mean, I am, I am the crusade leader of this, this movement to really take your power back in a graceful way, but it's also an opportunity for people to jump on board. I mean, you get to be your own guru and we. To choose again, to be kinder. And you gotta be open though. You be, you gotta be ready for it. You gotta be. You gotta be open. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. But I know it. I mean, take a read. Lemme know what you think. Well, and speaking of, I'm so excited, speaking of triggering, I would imagine that the recognition on the Today Show triggered a few sales. Oh my goodness. See what I get there. Yeah. I I love that. I know we ran outta books and so we had to do a reprint. Wow. And, um, it's been great. Now we've gotten banners and we're really excited. And, um, I, I think I shared with you, we were working on a workbook that goes with, remind us again, the name, the, the, the title of the book where you can find it. The book is called Name, claim, and re reframe your Path to Well Live Life. And it's available wherever books are sold, wherever books are sold. Andrea mind, dewitt. and, um, you know, after this Kindness Chronicles, uh, experience, you better have some more books ready cuz you know, get ready lady. Yeah. Get ready. Yeah. Well, gentlemen, it's all, all 5,000 of our listeners will I loved it. I loved it, loved it. I loved meeting you and, and I was telling you before we hit record, it's really fun to talk about this content. Men because I think there's a lot of treasure here for all of us. Well, Steve and I both have a lot of a above the line feminine qualities. Yes, we do. Yes we do. This is, you are actually our second life coach that we've talked to, which is pretty amazing for us. Like we like to talk about sports and fun. Nice guys in sports. Rock and roll. We're actually learning something. Here we are. Wow. Thank you. Thank you so much, Andrea. This is great. It's been a, it's been my absolute pleasure. Thank you gentlemen. And off we go.