Episode 93. Resilience (ft. Justin Ortega)

How do you show up every day? Marine Corps Veteran and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu enthusiast Justin Ortega digs into the challenges of integrity, purpose, and doing the right thing.

“Personal improvement is hard, and it takes a lot of discipline and dedication. True happiness comes from the hard work.”

With a modern take on our 24-inch gauge, we take a step back and examine “happiness” in today’s world, and what really brings us meaning, balance, and lasting satisfaction. 

Justin was raised in 2022 at Surfside Lodge No. 112 under the Prince Hall Grand Lodge of California. He is a plural member of Hector Lodge No. 158 (St. Paul) and Accacia Lodge No. 51 (Cottage Grove). 

Transcript

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Today's daily quote in my inbox, read the following. Integrity is when our words and deeds are consistent with our values. Does it ever feel like as long as we say the words, or align ourselves with a specific cause in the world, that's enough. People support causes, they join churches, they pursue becoming a freemason seeking purpose. Perhaps there's a desire to feel better about themselves. It's that pursuit of something greater than oneself. But quite often, people don't try very hard to change their ways. It, it's wildly popular in today's world, identifying with a set of values or a cause, but the end results is often little more than validation. By the way, a side note, a new research says Gen Z men are returning to church Now more than ever beyond that, there's tons of influencers in our world with that aim of helping men in their lives, both professionally and personally. Psychologically, it's across the demographic spectrum. Welcome Justin Ortega. What does having integrity mean to you? Is it be that guy versus don't be that guy? I think it that integrity is living your life the right way, even when nobody's even looking. so yeah, it is be that guy. and I think so often in Freemasonry we get wrapped up in the titles and the degrees and some of the other things that we forget that our biggest advocate for Freemasonry is living our life as a Freemason. How would you describe that to a non mason? To an outsider? Living my life as a mason to me means doing the right things when nobody is looking and treating people the way you want to be treated. Golden rule. The golden rule. It's not complicated. It's not complicated, and I'm having, I'm struggling trying to find a more complicated answer when it's really that simple. Justin Ortega, you were born January 8th, 1981 in San Diego, California. Grew up in Tucson. You're very accustomed to Sun. Graduated from Mountain View High School in 1999. You lettered in football, wrestling, track and field. You served 20 years in the US Marine Corps, rifleman Field Radio operator, drill instructor, senior drill instructor, and joint fires Observer. completing three tours in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom, and two tours in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. You served as a marine officer instructor at the University of Pennsylvania. See, the thought of sitting in the same room with my drill instructor is terrifying. We'll talk about that in a little bit. After retiring, you taught Jay Ozi at El Camino High School in Oceanside, California. You now work with a Grand Lodge of California in membership retention and restoration. You hold a bachelor's degree in human resource management and business management, and you're pursuing a master's in nonprofit management. We were raised a Master Mason in 2022 at Surfside Lodge. Number one 12 under the Prince Hall Grand Lodge of California. Also a member of Hector Lodge, number 1 58 in St. Paul Acacia Lodge in Cottage Grove, St. Paul Valley, Scottish Rite. You and your lovely wife, Melissa, and your son Damien, live in Woodbury, CrossFit's Brazilian juujitsu and pickleball in your free time, I just read something about Andrew Wilson. He's the chief executive at Electronic Arts. He practices Juujitsu and says it's very cerebral and very calculated. He said it's almost always involving, finding success through unexpected ways, untested territory. His business philosophy follows from what he's learned in Jiujitsu. What are your thoughts on, is it, is it that cerebral? It is, it's very intellectual. and most people would think it's pur, purely physical. And, and that's definitely not the case. I personally find that it is a very good barometer of how I am living my life. If I am not hydrated and eating the right foods, I pay for it on the mat. If I'm not stretching correctly, I pay for on the mat. If I'm just mentally not in a good space, I pay for it. So it's, it's a very brutal teacher. Um, and it's a very important part of my life because it's, it's hard, it's not easy. Uh, when you start. You're likely to be getting manhandled by other men, which is very humbling, and there's always somebody better than you out on the mats. So kind of coming from a state of being humble and understanding that there's no immediate gratification to participating in the sport. It's very difficult and you have to, you have to earn your stripes from the very bottom. It's a very humbling experience. You and your family relocated to Minnesota about a year ago now. What has the culture change been like to go from sunny California? We can talk about all the weather cliches all day long, but what's it like here relocating from California to Minnesota? You know, it's, it's even better than we thought it was going to be, to be honest with you. Um, the culture's different. I think that people in California are, most of the people that live in California are not from California, so I think the people are a little bit more open to forming new relationships. People in Minnesota, most people have grown up in the area. Yeah, so it can be a little bit difficult to break into those new friend groups, but I found that once you do. You really have a close relationship with them. We have nothing but good things to say about moving here and uh, I think we found a long-term home here as well, which is exciting. Being a Freemason was extremely advantageous for me moving here. Uh, my wife was kind of worried about making new friends. I was not worried at all because I've always been told since I became a Freemason that no matter where you go, you'll always have a friend. I found that to be especially true here, and I feel that that made my transition just a little bit easier for me than it was for her. And you work remotely for the Grand Lodge of California. Can you share a little bit about your day-to-day? Job in doing so in a virtual sense, anything and everything membership related. I started off, um, just as a regular membership advisor talking to new prospects that hit our website and were interested in connecting with a local lodge. I did that for about a year and then I found myself working in more special projects for the Grand Lodge, mainly in retention and restoration. I'm happy to share that this year the Grand Lodge of California experienced its first positive membership growth since 1965. It's a huge deal for us. That's big 647 members positive. and a lot of it was attributed to, uh, retaining members that were in danger of being suspended due to non-payment of dues and reinstating members who had been suspended. You'd be shocked reaching out to suspended members how many are interested in coming back, but they just don't feel welcome. So just being able to reach out and let them know like, Hey, you are welcome. You are a mason, which maybe not be in good standing with the fraternity, but you are a mason. We would love to have you come back. And we've had almost 500 members come back just as a result of being welcoming of their situation and understanding that life circumstances change. Maybe it wasn't right for them at that time, but I think a lot of guys are interested in coming back. They're just looking for that extended hand. It never ceases to amaze me how we as men can have a misperception of, maybe I had to take a step back. Maybe I forgot to pay my dues. I got struck. I'm no longer a I'm, I'm an unaffiliated mason now I. Then that complex that takes over and thinking, I bet they don't even want me back. I bet I wouldn't even be welcome. Which is so not true. And at the same time, I think in the fraternity at times we treat them a certain way. You think so? I think so. Tell us more. You know, I think that, maybe we look down upon them because. We feel that they may or may not have lived up to their obligation as a mason and just aren't thinking about the individual and their circumstances. Some guys couldn't pay their dues because they had to feed their family. You know, I think that we need to be a little bit more forgiving of that and we can't treat these guys like a leper, like at some point in their masonic life, some two guys thought that they would make a really good member of our fraternity, and we just can't forget that no matter how long it's been, we need to extend that hand and, and bring'em back. And I encourage all lodges, you know, dust off that list of suspended members. Feel free to reach out to'em whether or not they want to come back or not. Just let them know that we're thinking about you and uh, you'd be surprised where that road is gonna end up leading well in taking your lead. That's been a big push for us in Minnesota to reach out to a lot of these members that have just gone off the radar. Starting the conversation with how are you, what's changed in your life? A little curiosity to establish what somebody may have been, what their life journey has looked like in the last couple of years. And not that assumption of we haven't seen, and not leading off with, we haven't seen you at lodge. Where are you sure you're missed, brother? But what are the circumstances around how things sort of fell off the radar, so to speak. Sure. Absolutely. And you'd be surprised what they say. You know, a lot of these guys, they carry a lot of guilt with them. Yes. Believe it or not. You know? And we've reinstated members that were suspended 25, 30 years ago. Wow. Which is astonishing. That's something that's just a weight that they've carried with them of guilt for all those years. And they're just looking for one guy just to reach out to him, how have you been? Would you like to come back? We would love to have you back. And then taking that time to reintegrate them because it's been a while they forgot. And they might be shameful of that as well. Don't worry about what you know and what you don't know will help you. The word that comes to mind we just mentioned a few minutes ago, uncomplicated, it's extending a hand to check in and have a conversation. It wasn't a complex path to uncover what someone has experienced in life or where they, what challenges they may be going through. So we started out talking about integrity. Let's take our organization. We take an obligation to each other and ourselves. To practice silence. Circumspection giving back to the greater good, but the actual commitment and pursuit of those things sometimes can be low effort. Maybe we just wanna say that we attend that church with the values that we find appealing, or we wanna become a free mason. Because yeah, we like the idea of friendship, personal growth of building community, but then we go back to idling muscle memory, the holding pattern. It has become so normal to ask for the easy button in life, and the world is full of them. You want to quit drinking? Take this pill. I saw an ad on TV this morning, I think it's called, or OAR. You take this pill that helps wean you off, great, but it's instant where you wanna lose weight. Don't bother going for a walk. Just take this pill, do this injection. How do we find balance between our convenient world of basically push button, get banana versus the pursuits of things that take actual work efforts and long-term perspective. So question for you. What are we here for to become a better version of ourselves? Or is it more about just the fun or the validation as long as we're just saying the words or wearing the merch? Is that it? I don't think so. Personal improvement's, hard. Um, and it takes a lot of discipline and it takes a lot of dedication. And I think that when you take the harder road, it ends up being the road that you're most proud of, you know? So with this, the instant gratification, yes, it will provide you some short term relief or maybe a short-term solution, but I don't think it's as fulfilling as taking the hard road. For me personally, you know, I, I don't have time to work out whenever I wanna work out, so I wake up at five 30 in the morning to do it because that's the only time I have to do it. It's very ful fulfill fulfilling for me because nobody's, my wife is not pushing me outta bed to go work out. It's me and my alarm clock and I have to get up and I have to do it. And I just find that my day is better off because I just had that one small win. It wasn't easy. Life isn't easy. Life is extremely difficult and there's a lot to be said for taking that long, arduous road, which most Freemasons would probably be familiar with. Today's Masonic Lodge is striving to provide an experience, an atmosphere in which members are encouraged to actively pursue becoming a better version of oneself. And that comes in many forms, Discovering self-awareness, committing to be a better husband or partner, father, colleague, neighbor, citizen. To your point, self-awareness is hard. It takes work. Sometimes it's listening to things you don't want to hear. Maybe admitting I'm wrong. Self-awareness is not for everyone. You've alluded to this already, but in life everything is more difficult than our plan for it's Why do we make plans then? I think that we're just, we're trying to remain optimistic and hopeful for a better future. That's why we make the plans. But your, your plan a rare, rarely survives. You know, you, you have to be able to pivot. You have to be able to adapt, and that's a part of life. You know, understanding that your original plan probably isn't gonna work out the way you thought it was gonna work out. There's always gonna be. Tragedies, there's always gonna be holes in the road and it's how you maneuver around those things is really what this life is about.'cause it's not easy and is made so much more bearable when you have a network of authentic friends. And that could be Lodge Brothers, family, siblings, you name it. going through life alone is a fool's errand. I know that I would not be where I am at if it had not been for my family. If, and I had been for my lodge brothers, you know, more often than not, I talk to them about things that are, are not great. Just being there to listen. Maybe not provide a solution for me, but just being there to listen to my issues and, um, just be a sounding board. And, and I hope that I do the same for them as well, because it isn't just a, a one-way street where I just receive the support. You know, it's equally as important that I provide that support as well. I realize what we're saying and talking about is pretty obvious. Going alone isn't the way to go. Friends, family, brothers are vital, and yet we spend so much of our day glued to a device head down, missing life as it happens around us, missing the opportunity to connect with someone authentically. What does happiness look and feel like in today's world? It's such an open-ended question. What does happiness look like in today's world? I think that a world really working in harmony where people are being respectful of others' opinions and not measuring themself against other people, but measuring themselves against themselves. You know, just trying to be a little bit better each day. Not for the likes, not because look at me, but just because you know where you came from and you know where you're trying to go. in 1950, the average new home was 983 square feet. By 1970, it grew to 1500. Today the average new home is 2,400 square feet. If someone from the 1950s walked through modern suburbia, they'd think we were all living in mansions, and that the American dream had been achieved by nearly every measure we have more than ever before. The once luxurious is now normal. The rare is routine, and yet we don't feel more fulfilled. We adapt, recalibrate, and move the goalposts. That is the paradox of progress. Our circumstances improve, but our satisfaction often doesn't. Psychologists call this. Hedonic adaptation. It's our minds built-in thermostat for emotion, keeping us from getting stuck too high or too low. You win the lottery, you feel incredible for a while, but you'll soon return to baseline. You'll lose something dear to you. You'll hurt deeply, but over time, you'll return to baseline too. this system evolved for survival. It protects us from despair after tragedy, but it also dulls joy after success. That's why the new car smell fades. The dream job becomes normal, and why the 2,400 square foot house eventually feels just as small as the 950 square foot house once did. So we chase more bigger houses, better titles, newer gadgets. We confuse upgrading with evolving, but it's not accumulation that drives fulfillment, it's alignment. Without that, we're just turning up the thermostat and wondering why we never feel warmer. I think in a lot of cases people feel more empty than they've ever felt, you know? And we, when we moved from California, our home was similarly, our home in California was, I think it was around 1200 square feet, which was pretty large for California. Houses just aren't that big there. And moving to Woodbury, our house is like 2,400 square feet, and at first it felt completely empty because we just didn't have the stuff to fill that space. Now that we've lived there for a year, it feels, it feels like the last house, if that makes sense. Yeah, makes sense. You know, it's, it's, it, it is very interesting. It's very strange, and I've never actually thought about it like that, and it's very true. Everybody's chasing the new upgrade and adapting. I like that move. Moving the gold posts comparison is so true how we do that in virtually everything in our lives. so influencer Steve goes on to say, it helps to ask what really brings lasting satisfaction. It's rarely things. It's experiences that stretch time, deepen connection and anchor you to meaning. Walks deep conversations, meals with people you love. Difficult challenges you overcame the slow burn joys that never make the highlight, but keep you grounded in real life. More isn't always better, it's just more, the trick is knowing when to stop optimizing and start living every so often. Step off of that treadmill. Check your pace and remember running your own race at your own speed is the real mark of success. Talking about jiujitsu, again, it's really hard at times when you're the guy on the bottom just getting smashed all the time. I'm sure it isn't until the new guy comes in and you've been training a little bit longer. Do you realize how far you've actually come, what skills you've gained? Mm-hmm. And how much better you were. So it's really hard at times to gauge where you're at until you're dealing with someone of a lower skill level, and I think there's a real direct correlation there with that passage. You shared something with me on LinkedIn recently. It was a rule to a person's day. It was like the eight plus eight plus eight, right? Mm-hmm. Do tell. It's called the eight plus eight plus eight rule. It's the idea that you divide your day into three equal parts, eight hours for work, eight hours for sleep, and eight hours for basically everything else. If you're a Freemason, you're probably familiar with this concept. I was gonna say where that sounds awfully familiar. Yes. And that's kind of where, where I, it caught my eye. Yeah. What is this about Now? The part that caught my attention was that last piece that everything else, because that's where life actually happens, and it's broken down into what they call the three Fs, three H three s. They're subcategories of that eight hours of everything else. And honestly, they kind of fit right in with what it means to live as a mason today. We'll start with the first three Fs, and they were family, friends, and faith in masonry. We talk about building a strong foundation, and this is kind of it, right? This is the cornerstone of your life. Your family gives you love and grounding your friends remind you that that's life's, that. Life's meant to be shared. You can't go about your life alone, which we already kind of talked about in your faith, and whatever that looks like to you, gives you direction to everything. Can't build a good life or a good world if those three things aren't strong. That's why Masonry encourages men to be better fathers, brothers, friends and neighbors, not just being a good guy. To other masons. There's the three H's. Health, hygiene, and hobby. Hmm. These are all about self-discipline and self-respect. Taking care of your body, you need to maintain discipline in a routine and make time for some things that bring you genuine joy. And I would argue that these are things other than a lot of guys look at free masonry as a hobby. I think you need to have another hobby besides that as well. Free Masonry teaches you about balance, that strength of mind and character also comes from taking care of yourself. You can't pour from an empty cup, and I think a lot of us try to, you can't serve others if you're not serving yourself first. Yeah. Take care of yourself first. True is so true. Last, lastly, the three S's, which were soul service and smile. This to me is where masonry really comes alive. Feeding your soul with reflection, being in a constant state of learning or prayer, whatever, whatever applies to you. Fi in finding ways to serve, whether that's volunteering, mentoring, or just helping someone who's having a hard time get through their day. Yeah. Which we do for each other on a, I know you've done it for me personally before, so when you add all up, you get a pretty good blueprint for balance in your life as well as purpose. Eight hours to earn a living, whatever you do, eight hours for resting, whatever that looks like to you, and eight hours to live your values and most importantly, challenge yourself. Because I think that's something that we lack at times. That might be the best modern day description of what Freemasons refer to as that 24 inch gauge that I've ever heard. Yeah, I would, I would completely agree. And I really liked how it broke out that last, because I mean, work is pretty self-explanatory. Yeah. Rest is pretty self-explanatory. But what does that last eight hours mean? And it really, by giving it subcategories, really gave you a really well-rounded blueprint for success, or at least how you should be striving. In a world that is so obsessed with feeling good all of the time, have we lost what it means to find the, the beauty, the joy, and the challenge and the obstacle when life really does, I could say so many different slang terms here, but when you really step in it in life, do we have the resilience to. Work through that as humans and really learn something from it or look back on it and say, as awful as that experience was, as uncertain as I felt, or as full of anxiety and just losing it, that I was at the time, I'm gonna glean a victory out of it. In the end, mark Manson's, an author and a popular podcaster who recently wrote in 1776, Thomas Jefferson promised the Right to Pursue Happiness. What most people don't realize that he did not mean pizza, sex, and binge watching TV until 4:00 AM Most people think happiness means smiling all the time, feeling good, never struggling, but if that were the case, clowns and drug addicts would be the happiest people alive. When Jefferson wrote The Pursuit of Happiness, he wasn't talking about pleasure back then. Happiness meant something different. It meant flourishing. It meant purpose, meaning living out your values. It meant living well, even though life punches you in the gut. Jefferson did not invent this idea. It came from Aristotle who said there are actually two kinds of happiness, hedonic happiness, which is pleasure, comfort and distraction, or EU demonic, happiness, fulfillment, purpose. Knowing your time here actually mattered. Hedonic happiness is cheap. It fades. The second the buzz wears off, but you demonic happiness endures and yeah, it's harder. It demands sacrifice, but it's the only kind of happiness that leaves you whole. Yet most people spend their entire lives chasing hedonic happiness and wondering, why do I feel so hollow? If your happiness disappears the moment, the pleasure does. It was never happiness. It was just anesthesia. He signed that newsletter. You're welcome, mark Manson. I think it goes back to the magic pill, right? Yeah. People are chasing the dopamine hit by looking, scrolling social media and seeing how great everybody's life is, you know? And failing to remember that people are only posting the very best pictures of themselves, the very best of what's going on in their life, I think it builds a complex in people where. Look at how happy everybody is. How come I'm not that happy? The true happiness comes from the hard work, from the day-to-day grind, from being disciplined in your life. I, I really believe that, you know, when my son, at the end of the day when I'm getting off of work and he's getting off of school and he wants to play, I don't always feel like playing with him, but I know that I will not get this time back. I will not get these days back. So no matter how I feel, I kind of need to put on a good face and I have to go do what's needed as a father, because that is what needs to be done at that time, you know? And I think all of us have those situations in our life where we may not necessarily want to do it, but it's necessary. And you don't wanna live with that regret at a later time because you lost that time. Could be with a child, parent, grandparent, anybody could be with anything. Yeah. I'm curious what it's like raising a child in today's world. How old's your son? He's six. How old will he be when you give him a device? A, a phone. Oh. Have you had that discussion? Yeah. Me and Melissa have talked about it. Uh, it's, it's not gonna be anytime soon. You know, I want him to learn that a phone is, a tool it can be used in a really good way, or it can be used in a, in a bad way. He needs to understand what it's originally intended for first. Yes. You know, which is calling family members, calling us if you need something. Doing things like that, you know? Um, I think that some kids get it kind of misconstrued where they think that it's a device for another device for gaming. So teaching him what the use of that tool actually is, is, is, and I don't know what age, it kind of depends on his development and how mature I think he is. I heard someone say recently that giving a device to a child is not giving the world to your child. It's giving your child to the world. That's gotta be tough. We are so connected. It would seem that if a child is looking around and aware of their surroundings, they're noticing everybody is looking at their device first and their family or their friends second. You look around in restaurants the mall at state fair, people bumping into each other constantly. You're at the fair, you're supposed to be looking up and enjoying the sights, the sounds, the smells, the, the whole experience. And yet we're so connected. Can we get any balance back? Back? I'll tell you a story. last year we went skiing in Utah and my wife and I were at dinner and it was, it was a really nice restaurant in, um, in Utah. And one table over there was a family of three. We didn't bring our son on this particular trip, but there was a family of three child was about my son's age, but I think a girl, both of the parents were on their phone and the child was on a tablet with headphones on and they proceeded to eat their entire meal. Two hours in that state, and it just, it, it hurt me inside. Like it's here you are in a beautiful place, probably on vacation and you guys can't even have a conversation with each other. It was just a very, it was a heart wrenching experience for both me and Melissa. I, I thought it was a good teaching lesson too, right? This is a very slippery slope and they probably aren't even aware of it at this point, but we learned, we never said a word to them, but we learned from that experience through them, just kind of how it looked. All it took was a visual it, it's all it took. We talk about this a lot on the podcast with technology, and we're not advocating that we're going to get rid of the iPhone and the Android and the connection. It's never going away, but we are in the relationship business. We are in the authentic friendship, human to human experience. Yes, technology is doing a lot of things for us, but we have to find a balance in our lives as masons and as humans in the workplace, at home, everywhere. in California, we're very progressive in how we run our grand lodge. We req, we rely on a lot of technological tools. We're exploring how AI can assist us at the Grand Lodge level in administering to the lodges and helping them focus on freemasonry. But there are a few things that we don't, or I'll say, there's one thing that we don't really compromise on and that's when a lodge calls the Grand Lodge for assistance. You call them on the phone and you have a conversation with them.'cause that's what our members want. That's what our members expect. So it's a very fine line there, right? Mm-hmm. Like how are you gonna leverage these tools of the future to kind of modernize your grand lodge, but at the same time, keep that feel of those personal connections. It's a very, very, very fine line there. Between those two things, I found that we've done it pretty well, but we have to keep that personal connection. That's what this fraternity is about. Justin Ortega, what would you tell your 25-year-old self? Oh, geez. I tell him a lot. I joined the military because I wanted to get outta my hometown. I wanted to go experience the world. Unfortunately, when I joined at 18, I was still very mature. Um, would tell my 25-year-old self one. Um, you don't realize how quickly, um, you're gonna be 45 and to really invest your money, for the future. I think that's a huge one. Mm-hmm. Two, you know, really invest yourself with the relationships that you have. I think that I ran across so many good and great men over my military career and I felt like, I feel like now I could have learned so much more had I understood the wisdom that they really had. So I. Those would be the main, probably the main two things that I would tell my younger self. I feel like we all heard that advice at some point in our twenties and laughed at, oh, whatever time flies. And then I'll never be 45. No, I'll never be that old. And now I wish I was 45. Here we are. Lately I've heard an influencer by the name of Chris Williamson talking a lot about masculinity He says that there is a zero sum view of empathy in the world. haven't men had it good for long enough. Maybe we should all just suck it up for a while. But he contends that empathy does not work this way because it's not a limited resource. The common question is, why don't men just do better? Surely we can all try harder in school, employment, health, chop chop men hurry up and stop being so useless. In simple terms, if a man has a problem, the world asks, what can men do to fix themselves? Is that a blatant double standard? I think so. Men don't know what they don't know. Like you're not just born with the skills to be an adult man like they are a learned thing, you know? And that's kind of the beauty of Freemasonry is the fact that. Most of the time there's gonna be a guy that's dealt with a situation that can help you through that situation, you know? But depending on what your home life looked like, you may or may not have been exposed to what it looks like to be a man, or what the right decision making or the right mentality is supposed to be like. So I think, you know, Freemasonry is uniquely positioned to provide this information to men that may not have necessarily gotten it from other avenues. You and I in our roles, see on a daily basis this renaissance of renewed interest from this generation of younger men that are in search of that connection. They wanna put that device down. They would love to have a mentor mentee relationship, the authentic friendship that may have been missing. There really is a desire to spend quality time face to face and human to human together. While we're giving back to the greater good, we have a great opportunity to return to our roots of that authentic friendship and forming strong connections with our members, providing the next generations with ample opportunities to continue that pursuit of leveraging the platform of freemasonry for the betterment of humanity. We know that we're bringing people together who may be making contributions to that greater good individually, but collectively we can make way more of an impact together. I know a lot of our members that I've spoken with and friends that aren't Masons that share, it's tough being a guy right now. Chris Williamson also mentioned something interesting when, on one hand we say as a society, while men are part of the problem, it's all your fault. And then in the next breath say, well, where are all the good men at? How do you go about raising a young man in this world with that discrepancy? With that, the world feels like so many contradictions happening in real time all around us. How do we get around that? My son, personally, you know, I try to lead by example in everything that I do, and he's at that age where he's mimicking everything good and bad that I do. Yeah. And the other thing that's really important to me is that he's coachable. So putting him in front of other adults and having those other adults tell him what to do. And I think there's a really, I see a lot of kids that say, I'm not gonna do that. You're not my mom or dad. Like, I don't want my son to be like that. I want my son to understand it. All adults, all human beings provide value and you need to be receptive to that value. And kind of going back to, what would I have told my 25-year-old self? I would, I would tell, you know, I'm kind of the same breath that I want him to be coachable. I want him to be able to receive that mentorship.'cause having a great mentor is great, but if you're not in a position or you're not in the mentality to receive that mentorship, to see the value that someone else is providing you, it's not gonna work. And it's gonna fly right over your head. And that's kind of how it was for me for many years until I understood like, this guy's been here. He's done that already. Yeah. I should probably listen to what he has to say. It clicked. It did. It took many years for it to happen, but it did finally. I found that some of the best mentors never said, this is how you should do it. But it was more of that cautionary tale of sorts. Boy, when I was your age, I wish someone had told me X, Y, and Z. Right. And you don't even, I think a good mentor doesn't even need necessarily tell you that I'm your mentor. Oh, for sure. It's just. It just happens organically, right? It's just a level of respect that you have for each other and you see the value there. Sometimes that old guy knows a thing or two. He really does. I stumbled across a post from Ice Tea. has it ever occurred to us on a side note that ice tea is now doing endorsements for Honey Nut Cheerios? If you think about his career, his music career from 40 years ago, and now he's a law and order, the TV guy, and now he's a, a serial advocate. He, he's amazing. He's a California guy, so I already like him. Yeah, he posted famous actor who it is, doesn't even matter. This actor said that he's currently in his early sixties. If he were 25, again, here's what he would tell himself. Action is a cure to anxiety. No amount of overthinking will pull you out of the hole you're stuck in. Go first. Stay positive, stay consistent. The world mirrors the energy you give scowl and it scowls back. Lead with kindness and it returns to you multiplied. You don't need an opinion on everything. It's called selective ignorance, and it will save you endless mental energy. Pay attention to who brings out the best version of you. These are your A-list people. Make an intentional effort to spend more time with them. Ambition is contagious. Surround yourself with people who dream bigger than you do. Take the leap. Someone less qualified than you is living the life you want only because they acted. Do more of what makes you forget your phone. No one on their deathbed wishes they had spent more time staring at a screen. Brilliant. What's the difference between a nice guy and a good man? I think that the good man. Can tell you the bad news. I think the nice guy can't always do that. I think sometimes we need that rudder adjustment as human beings, you know? And I depend on people in my life to tell me when I'm screwing things up, because we're not perfect. Nobody's perfect. And the genuine people, the good people in my life have that ability to tell me when I'm going astray or where I need to focus somewhere else. Um, the nice guy isn't gonna do that. You know, the nice guy's gonna tell you, yeah, you're, you're doing great. Everything's perfect. You don't need to worry about everything. I don't find that those relationships are very genuine. I think that they're a nice guy. I don't mind being around them, but I know that I'm probably not gonna be able to depend on them for the mentorship that I truly need. is it safe to say you can be universally liked or you can be authentic, but you can't be both? I think that's very true. I think that's very true and it takes time and you have to take time to get to know people to really, to make that determination. So in regards to Freemasonry. Just going to a meeting once a month. I don't know if you're necessarily gonna be able to make that determination or not. You're in there, you're conducting business, you're doing certain things. It's important that you take that time outside of Lodge to genuinely make those connections, to allow for that real mentorship to occur.'cause I'm not gonna show up to a meeting and you're gonna tell me like, Hey man, you need to be doing X, Y, or Z. It's more li more than likely gonna come up in a more casual conversation, right? In a context that is outside of the lodge. And only after we know each other well, it takes time because I not want to be speaking of be that guy. Don't be that guy. I barely know you, but hey, by the way, Justin, you should stop this or do that. And that's not going to be productive either. It does take time, but there are some circumstances where you just click with people and you just seem to be on the same wavelength. So I think it is on a case by case basis, but. For the most part, I think that that time spent outside of the lodge is well spent, and that's where the real magic of Freemasonry occurs. The challenge is on all of us to make brotherhood a verb and not a noun. It's not just something that we say that we offer up or we have in some pamphlet or marketing material, but it's something that's an action word and that we feel it in our hearts. What are you doing today that will benefit you in a decade? Continuing to do hard things, and I really pride myself on that. And it isn't just in the context of my physical being. Yeah. I like to do tough physical things to, to challenge myself. I think it can also be in the context of, of being a parent, and that's kind of the most important thing I have going on in my life is being a parent and having those hard conversations performing when I don't necessarily feel like or want to perform. Mm-hmm. Being on the same page as my spouse, you know, those are all difficult things that need to happen whether I like to or not. How hard is that, being a dad, a husband, a professional? Is that a tough balance to strike to achieve? It's all balancing act, you know, and we talk a lot in free masonry about living in equilibrium and, and I do my absolute best, you know. Talk about the eight hours, eight hours and eight hours. Yeah. I, I try to do that. I try to squeeze as much time out of each day that I can and try to be present to the best of my ability for all of those things that I am pursuing, but also understanding I can't burn the candle at both ends. Yeah. I have to at some point, take some time and wind down for myself because it's just unsustainable. So understanding your own limits is very important too. When you talked about the equilibrium, the three eights I thought of a mentor who once said in so many words that you're not gonna hit a home run every day. Don't get down on yourself. when, when you have to pivot in his, just this gentle counsel, this gentle advice of look at what you did well today before you fall asleep at night. And just give yourself a couple things you're gonna chip away at tomorrow. And at the time, I don't know if I appreciated that. And as I've gotten older, it's, it's so true. It's so simple. It's so uncomplicated. We keep looking for the most complex, hardcore, optimizing things in our lives when it, it's really so much more simple than we will allow ourselves to think. Sometimes giving yourself grace is key. life is difficult and it's not gonna always go as planned. Um, you just gotta do the best you can at, at the end of the day. And hopefully when you lay down, you know, you can honestly look yourself in the mirror and say, you know what? I did the best I could with. What I had today. And if those small wins will add up, eventually give yourself grace. But don't allow that to become apathy. Correct. I, uh, was given a quote recently. The greatest danger to our future is apathy. We can't all save the world in a dramatic way, but we can each make our own small difference. And together those small differences add up. To me, that line captures what being a Freemason is all about. It's not about the titles, the degrees, the secrets, you know, the ceremony, all of the fancy aprons. It's about how you live, how you treat people, how you lead, and how you lead can be your family. It can be at work, it could be wherever, and how you show up every single day. Free Masonry teaches that real change starts small, and you see that in the Enter Apprentice degree. It's pretty simple with daily actions that reflect good character. It's keeping your word. It's listening more than you're speaking, which I have a problem with at times. Don't we all? It's helping someone without expecting anything in return. It's doing what's right even when no one is watching. Here's the thing. We don't need to advertise necessarily that we're Masons. We advertise what Free Masonry is all about by how we live. Our actions are the message people see, our honesty, our fairness, and our consistency. And that's what draws them in. And that's what drew me in. Who are these guys? What are they doing? This looks like something that could benefit my life in a positive way. So when we say those small differences add up, it's true. Because when you live your free masonry quietly, sincerely, every single day, you show others what the benefits are without having to say anything. That's how we make a difference is through our example. Our conversation just went full circle. integrity is when our words and deeds are consistent with our values. Justin Ortega, thanks for being our guest today on Minnesota Masonic Histories and Mysteries. Thank you for having me read.