Episode 127: Connection & Direction (ft. David Graham)

“Are you ready? The work’s about to start.”

This week in the Masonic Lounge, we welcome David Graham back for a thoughtful conversation on leadership, service, and the enduring role of Masonic poetry in shaping who we are and what we aspire to become.

David reflects on the joy of watching others succeed, the fragility of honor, and the delicate balance of remaining an active and supportive Past Master without overstepping. Along the way, he shares insights gained through years of service and explains why, at the heart of meaningful leadership, “the only secret is to care.”

David Graham is a Past Master of Wayzata Lodge No. 205 (2018) and is currently serving his second term as Grand Orator. Join us for an engaging discussion on mentorship, purpose, and the values that continue to inspire Masons in their work today.

Transcript

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One year just flew by. and here you are again. Newly appointed grand orator. Wow. It's quite a, quite an honor. I was surprised at that, but delighted. I'm looking forward to the next year. What's on the radar for the next year? I don't really know. Our grandmaster Sean says he is, got a few events lined up, but, uh, he hasn't informed me yet as to what exactly I'll be doing, so I'll just be, uh, ready to take what's handed to me and stay out of the way. So we crossed paths at the annual communication. If I was a bit. Rushed or things were hectic. I apologize you had that look in your eye, Rita. Oh, it is such a mad house. Yeah, but all went well. Had record attendance, It was a fantastic energy there with all the groups and I, uh, was thrilled to see a huge contingent of the DLE and job's daughters. They did a great job too. They did a great job. Yeah. And what a fun addition. You're a fan of poetry, I confess. Yes. We talked a bit about the Rudyard Kipling. If I don't know how to ask the question, how I got turned on to Masonic poetry or why it's important. Is it important? I think so. I think it inspires us. Uh, My dad used to tease me with a line of if, when I was a kid, if you can dream and not make dreams, your master rarely failed to make me roll my eyes. When my son was born, I took the trouble of looking it up and I thought it was pretty good advice, but the whole time I was reading it, and every time I quote it, I can't help but thinking of my father-in-law because he lived it and, uh. As a kid, as I say, it made me roll my eyes, but as an adult and wishing the best for my son, I couldn't think of better advice to give him. Uh, so it, it, it inspires me. I remember I was at the Scottish Rite and Don Ley, come up to me and said, I met a dear old man today who wore a masonic pin, who was old and faded like the man and the edges were worn quite thin. I approached the park bench where he sat to give the old brother his due. And I said, I see you've traveled east. And he said, I have have you. Well, I said, I had, and in my day before the Allee sun, I played in the rubbish with Juah below and ju and he scolded. Don't laugh at the work my boy. It's good and it's sweet and it's true. And if you've traveled, as you've said, you should give these things. They do sign the word, the token, the Swed Masonic Prayer, the vow that all have taken, who have climbed the inner stair. The wages of a mason are never paid in gold, but the gain comes from contentment when you are weak, growing old, you see I've carried my obligations for almost 50 years. They've helped me through the hardships, through the failures, through the tears. Now I'm losing my mind and my body death is near, but I don't despair where I've lived upon the level, and I'll die upon the square. Sometimes the greatest lessons are the ones we learn anew. That old man in the park today changed my point of view to all Masonic brothers. The only secret is to care. May you live upon the level. May we die upon the square. I asked, uh, most worship, uh, my, my worship brother Don Ley who wrote that, and he said, Neil Meyer wrote that I know him. He goes to Zeta. I know that guy. Yes. So I ended up cyberstalking Neil Netter Meyer Past Grand Master. Past Grand Master, and, uh, honorary poet laureate of North Dakota. That's right. And may he rest in peace, may he rest in, we miss him in peace. We miss him greatly. Mm-hmm. Neil had a big influence. Uh, it was a huge figure in Zeta, and when I first started, I was at a parade. It was the very first year after I had joined. And this, what, what year? It was 19. I was 2013 when I joined. And, uh, this lady comes up to me at a parade and she says, thank you. You guys are great. And I says, I haven't done anything. I, I've just joined. She goes, well, my daughter was in a Shriners hospital and thank you. You guys are great. Then I looked up, uh, more of Neil Ned Meyer's poetry, and I came across, perhaps he's dead, and of course he said it much better than I ever could. I was playing in a Shriners band, small town hot parade. We had stopped to drink a thank you for the tunes that we had played. The hand was placed behind my back by a woman with a crutch. As I turned, I saw a pretty face and a smile came with that touch. She told about a tear that came. When she saw the Shriners Band and of one Shriner long ago who had helped her once to stand, I was in a Shriners hospital. I was frightened. I was low when this old man in a silly red hat showed me that he loved me. So he visited every Sunday for almost two full years. He shared with me my hopes and dreams, much laughter, many tears. He must be in his nineties now. Well, no, perhaps he's dead, but he did come to my wedding and watched me stand as I was wet. I wanted to keep in touch with him for all my life. I'd been so busy being a mother and so busy being a wife. I just wanted to thank you for the kind things he had done to make my life more meaningful and to bring a child some fun. And I watched her hobble away as I stepped from the band. I saw her husband and her kids and that crutch in her right hand, oh, I felt guilty. Taking credit from some Shriner who was strong but mild, who knew no man's stand straighter than when he stoops to help a child. And it made me think in 40 years when some Shriner takes a bow, will he be thanked for something that I am doing? Now, will they say that I was noble, that my silly hat was red? Will they say, oh, he's in his nineties now? Well, no, perhaps he's dead. Is it just something that happens in our fifties, where we really appreciate how fast life is going in passing us by? I think so. You see the inevitable coming more and more of a. Your friends receiving the, uh, 34th degree. What is that? Ha ha. You have a long way to go in your Masonic poetry travels read. I can tell that right now. I'm, I'm fainting some ignorance for the sake of our listeners who haven't heard of that before. So Oh, the 34th degree, what kind of speaks for itself? I, uh, that's one of those that I still have yet to commit to memory, but, uh, it's a beautiful piece and I think. Perhaps as time goes on, we will revisit a few more of these. The thousandth man. The thousandth. I am not familiar with that. You've mentioned that now before and now, now again, I'm, I'm gonna look that up and see what that's about. One man in a thousand Solomon says, we'll stick more close than a brother and it's worthwhile seeking him. Half your days if you find him before the other 999 depend on what the world sees in you. But the thousandth man will stand your friend with a whole world round age in you. His neither promise nor prayer nor show will settle for finding for e. 999 of them go by your looks or your ax or your glory. But if he finds you and if you find him, the rest of the world don't matter, or the thousandth man will sink or swim with you in any water. You can use his purse with no more talk. Then he uses yours for his spendings. Laugh and meet in your daily walk as though there had been no lendings. 999 of them call for silver and gold in their dealings. But the thousandth man, he's worth them all because you can show him your feelings, his wrongs, your wrong, and his rights. Your rights in season or out of season. Stand up and back it in all men's sight with that. For your only reason, 999. Can't abide the shame or mocking or laughter, but the thousandth man will stand by your side to the gallows foot and after one in a thousand. And you know, that describes a lot of the men that I've met in Mason. One in a thousand. Tell us more. I told my dad when I first joined, I says, I feel like I'm spending time with the Wilfred Bergs of the world. And he was one in a thousand. Just a good, a good man. And true is what He was a good man and true. And I'm surrounded myself with him. Share some details on that. A good man and true. He had to describe him and the impact he left on you. What does that, what's that feel like inside? He was a farmer. He taught his dog how to ride a motorcycle. It would, yes, it was a border collie. He would sit on the back of his little Honda motorcycle and he would go out there and the thing would jump off and herd some, uh, he was a beef cattle farmer and the dog would, would round up the beef cattle. He was a border collie. He was the guy that was the fire warden. You know, you could trust him. He was the guy whose house looked like a postcard. It was well planned out. The garage, the yard, the barn, the animals, the pens, everything was in its place. In this place. Yeah. Yes. And you know, dividing your time, Wilfred was industrious. He was kind, you could see it across the street. He was kind, you'd feel safe with a man like Wilfred. He was tall and straight, upright. I mean, you just look at him. He was over here. He's an upright man, literally and figuratively. Literally, literally. And uh, he was very, very heavily involved in our church. He was, uh, my grandparents' age. He was two generations above me. A giant of a man in many ways. Uh, he was never, never a brother. He was isolated up in Northern Minnesota. No, no much, not much opportunities up there. But one of those good influential people that, uh, I was fortunate enough to be influenced by when I was younger, I had such great parents that took good care of me as to who I was allowed to meet and who I was allowed to spend time with. Was that hard at the time when you were young? Did you, did it make sense? or did it just sort of, this just ha kind of happened naturally? It just happened naturally. They, well, they surrounded themselves with good people the way I do. Any one of the brothers that I introduced to my son or any of the brothers that I introduced to, my wife or my parents or my friends or my cousins, how do they treat them like royalty? I mean benevolently and kindly and with a good cheer, and it's just the Wilfred Bergs of the world, the one in a thousand. When you think of those one in a thousand types, how much does that motivate you to want to be that guy for the next generation? Absolutely. And like it or not, you become that guy. You might not want that mantle, but someone's gonna come up to me and say, Hey, blah, blah, blah. I had saw you do this or watched you. Well now you gotta live up to it. Honor is a fragile thing, so yeah. Uh, you kind of run scared after a while. Oh, at the Econo Lodge in St. Cloud, there was a big flub up. I couldn't get my reservation. They didn't have my reservation anywhere. You're talking just days ago. Okay. Yes. Just days ago. What happened? I'm an idiot. I reserved the wrong weekend. I reserved this weekend, not that weekend. So I could have bitten the head off that poor young woman during her very best. And you know, 20 years ago, that's what Dave would've done, but. You know, as former master, why is that a lodge? I can't be running around fighting people's heads off at the econ lodge. So, you know for your own oversight. Well, yes. Yes. And then a father comes by a little later and he says, mystery solved. You're reserved for next weekend. Well, thank you, sir. So maybe the problem is me, were they able to accommodate? Of course. Okay, good. Of course. So these sorts of things, they, they inspire us. They make us watch how we're behaving and how we look to others. And for me, poetry is, uh, oh, they're like mini movies. You just step into it and you get this little glimpse or a snapshot of something and you say, that's inspirational, that's fun. Or that's maybe something I need to avoid. But whatever it is, it's, it's just a little snapshot of us. Yeah. The snippet factor. Mm-hmm. I appreciate so much more now than as a student in school when it just didn't click all those years ago. It's been a recurring theme on the podcast of adult men wishing they had applied themselves more back in the day, and maybe that's just what perspective looks like now. that's one of the many things we can impart to younger people now, is to take a deep breath. Slow down. If I had worked as hard in college as I do for Masonry, you and I would never have met. I mean, I'm a drywaller and Zeta redid their dining room. That's how I got involved. I've never heard the story. Oh yes. Zetta was redoing their dining room and a friend of mine says, will you help me with the lodge? I'm thinking Ski chalet, what's the address and how many sheets? He says, well, it's on Lake Street on 50 sheets. Really? Lake Street? Well, it was, you know, right. The belly of the beast. And I'd read the Dan Brown books and I said to, uh, Stuart Cleveland. what does a man have to do to join this organization? He said. Just ask. That was it. You had no idea. No idea. No idea. And then, uh, meeting some of the men there seemed like, but the poetry, of course, I'm a super nerd. I'm sorry about that, but I, I looked up Masonic poetry, started reading it right away. But at paints a, a, a clearer picture of what we are about the things that inspire us, the things that we, we hope to do. After I, uh, I, uh, cyber stocked Neil Meyer, our former grandma one night at Liquid Lodge, he pointed one of those big railroad spike fingers, you know that I'm talking about. Oh, I remember that distinctly. Yes. I challenge you write a poem. So that was my challenge for most Worshipful brother Neil Meyer to write a poem. Which is quite an exercise to try to put it into, into the rhythm and get your thoughts, get your thoughts in order. It's hard enough to write a poem, but doing it, knowing that he's going to be the first to hear it. That's a whole different level of intimidation or paralysis maybe. Oh, yes, yes. What did you write? It was inspired by an experience I had at the Scottish Rite. I went home and gave it some serious thought because, well, between you and me and the four gray walls, I'm scared to death of Neil Meyer, or at least I was. But experience had made a Scottish Rite and, uh, I hadn't been to Mason Long. It was my first event. All the bodies would be there crammed into one big tent, Knights and pipes and Shriners. Capes and Kilts and song. A magnificent assembly of 500 Masons strong. I'm standing with the brother I've never seen before, but we're chatting like we're old friends. As we file into the door, the rooms packed to bursting. It sounds just like a hive. We couldn't put a fifth of them into the 2 0 5. And now we are sitting silently. The room is hushed and dark. I'm waiting with my brothers for the works. About to start. Will the brethren be upstanding? I heard the master say, and all at once there came this sound, which took my breath away in the stillness of that. Massive hall. There came a velvet roar as a thousand of my brother's feet. United took the floor and as we stood there silently, I felt a surge of pride and assembly such as this which step, a mile per stride. How quickly it occurred to me that. All throughout the land, United with my brothers on both Hill and Dale, we stand standing with my brothers here at home and overseas. Thus stand. We united as we've stood for centuries. The hourglass is exhausted, the crowd is growing thin. I'm sorry to part with my brother. I'll be happy to meet him again where I know we'll meet on the level, be it here or that lodge on that hill where our columns will never be broken. You will find us standing still. The visuals of what you just said. Every Mason can see it in his, in his head. I just, I just rhyme that I didn't mean to do that. See, that was bizarre. You have a burgeoning career ahead of you. I can see that. Oh. Oh, I don't know about that. That was fantastic. Well, thank you. Uh, I did that at our annual communication. It was my first oration for most wishful brother Sean Carrick this year. There's a lot of momentum happening as we focus on the experience that the lodge can provide as men in the world of today are looking for purpose. They're looking for direction, and lodges that are focusing on heart to heart, friend to friend brotherly connection are thriving as a result of that and, and not, not just being solely focused on. Performing a good ritual and that that is a huge priority that cannot absolutely, that cannot be, I, I never mean for that to sound like it shouldn't be priority one, as we showcase our core values, our timeless value teachings, but then beyond that, what are we doing to continually foster the mentor mentee relationship? The wisdom imparted to you and me from Neil Meyer. Tom Glenn was a dear friend of mine from from Zetta, and there's so many we could list a a hundred names, direction and connection. To be pointed in the right direction is one thing to be accompanied. There is something in else entirely. And you think of the friendships and the people you're happy to meet when you go to lodge and what they're asking you to do. Be a better husband, be a better dad, do a better ritual. Do show up. Come on, let's go. I mean, encouraging you, inspiring you, uplifting you, connection as well as direction. I think we're, we're dualistic. We have, we have multiple tools. We, we walk between two pillars. Um, we're often. Two things at the same time. Yes, good ritual, but yes, good community. Yes, good connection. One, not at the expense of the other, but standing beside the other two pillars. Equal priorities. Yes. As I'm sitting here chatting with you today, I am amazed that you have no notes, no books. This is all off the top of the head And here I am swimming in papers over here. have you recited your favorite so far today? Uh, my favorite varies from day to day. My favorite varies. Uh, I wouldn't be able to tell you what it is. They're like children. You love them all. That's true. I know some in your list are emotional. They're tearjerkers. Yes. They really make one, really think about the, the precious gift of life. Mm-hmm. And a brotherhood and the time we have together. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. There's some that I can hardly, that can hardly get through, you know? Uh, You wanna take a shot? Well, actually, yes, there's one that it's difficult for me to get through because. If you've ever been a master, a lodge and had to let go, that's tough. When I was a king and a mason master proven unskilled, I cleared me ground for a palace such as a king should build. I decreed and dug down to my levels, and presently under the silt, I discovered the wreck of a palace. Such as a king had built, there was no worth in the fashion. There was no wit in the plan. Hither and dither aimless, the ruined footings, ran masonry, brute mishandled, but carving on every stone after me cometh a builder. Tell him I too have known swift to my use in the trenches. My well-planned groundwork grew. I tumbled his coins and LERs cut and reset them. Menu new lime. I milled from his marble, burned it and slaked it, and spread taking and leaving it. Pleasure. The gifts from the humble dead, yet I despised not nor glory yet as we wrenched them apart. I read in those raised foundations, the heart of that builder's heart as he had risen and pleaded. So did I understand. The form of the dream he had followed in the face of the thing he had planned. When I was a king and a mason in the open noon of my pride, they sent me a word from the darkness, they whispered and called me aside and they said. The end is forbidden. They said the I use is fulfilled. The I palace must stand as that others, the spoil of a king who shall build. I called my men from my trenches, my quarries, my ves, and my shears. All I had wrought, I abandoned to the fate of the faithless years only I cut on the timber and only I carved on the stone. After me cometh a builder, tell him I too have known. I dunno what to say. Yeah. When Kipling speaks, he kind of clears the room, doesn't he? It's, it's so, there's so much there to, to pull apart. As I'm listening to you, one of my fleeting thoughts was, I'm so thankful you had that drywall gig. me too. Uh, and I tell you, I appreciate it more than anybody I've ever met. I mean, I mean, I really do. Masonry. They say, you get back what you put into it. No way, man. Three times you get back. Three times what you put into it, at least. just the people you met, the things you get to do, the accolades you hear for it, uh, you can see it in the eyes of others. Uh, it spurs you on the inner light, drives us on. And uh, yeah, you get so much more out of it than you, than you put into it three times at least. Letting go is tough. There's a fine line between being a past master who is involved in one that's an overlord. And when you've been through the chairs and you've been presiding, you've, you've done all the, How do you maintain the balance to be helping, but also giving the new guys flexibility in how they wanna run the year and the ensuing year after that? Find joy in their accomplishments if you do that, and that's so easy. Watch some young man stand up and knock a lecture right out of the park. It thrills me to no end. I find joy in that. If I can do that, I find joy in them rising to the level that they have to be at from, uh, you know, junior deacon to master of the lodge. so to find joy in that, I'm happy to say that I broke the tradition in Zeta of staying away from the lodge the year after you were master. They would stay away for a year to kind of give the, uh, the, the new master a little breathing room, so they weren't looking over shoulder. I told my predecessor, please, you're so welcome back. Would you please come back and watch me fall on my face? You'll enjoy it. And, and I told my successor, do you mind, I don't wanna look over your shoulder. I just want to watch you soar. Do you mind? And of course he didn't. Who was that? It was Stuart Cleveland. Oh yeah. So, uh, and what a great job he did, and what a thrill it was for me to watch my old senior warden earlier rise to the occasion. Yeah. So what, it was a thrill for me. Yes, it was difficult. But, uh, I remember we used to do a, uh, a lodge officer's camping outing for a weekend. Which I can't recommend strong enough. I mean, it got us a chance to be together and to have fun together, as well as planning some things. Meeting nights and degree nights are so busy. Yes. Hi, how you doing? Let's get to work. Good to see you. Gotta goal. But for the weekend, we gotta spend a little time. Well, my last one that I went to, they says, what about, and they started talking about who they're gonna get to replace me. That was my cue. To stand up, walk away from the table, go out and light the campfire again from last night, and allow those, those men to talk about who the new officer was going to be. That was me starting to let go in June of my year. So. That's a thrill. It's difficult and I can see that. But, uh, stay involved and, and you'll be asked once in a while. Would you mind sitting in, would you mind What a thrill that is? What a thrill that is. So yeah, it was, I loved my time as master. Um, for me, I was able to let go and I took joy in watching others succeed, and that made it easy for me to let go. Will you come back again in the year ahead for another conversation like this? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I'd be delighted. I would, uh, I'd be happy to chat poetry all day, I'm afraid. Or a variety of topics or, yes, David Graham, you are a gift to the craft, and I mean that as sincerely as I could possibly convey. Well, thank you. But it pales in comparison to what the craft has done for me. And I, I couldn't say that strongly enough.