Eps. 184: Controlling Your Words Is a Heart Issue | James 3

Why do hurtful words stay with us for years while encouraging words are often forgotten?

In James 3, we're reminded that our words carry incredible power. They can wound, heal, divide, encourage, destroy, or bring life. But James takes the conversation deeper—our speech doesn't just affect others, it reveals the condition of our hearts. If you've ever struggled with anger, gossip, regret over something you said, or wounds left by someone else's words, this episode offers biblical wisdom and practical encouragement for lasting transformation.

•  Discover why words have such a powerful impact on identity and spiritual growth. 
•  Learn what James 3 teaches about the connection between the tongue, the heart, and genuine faith. 
•  Gain practical insight into how the Holy Spirit transforms our hearts so our words can reflect Christ in everyday conversations. 

Listen now to learn how Jesus can transform not only the words you speak, but the heart they come from.

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A Christian podcast centered on Jesus, the Bible, and God explores faith through the Old Testament and New Testament, sharing Bible stories and Bible explained insights to help women of faith and Jesus followers grow in faith, strengthen their relationship with God, and know God more deeply through Bible study, women Bible study, and practical Christianity, all while encouraging spiritual growth, understanding identity in Christ, and learning to understand Bible teachings to become closer to God.

Transcript

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Hi friends, welcome to Everyday Faith for Her. If you're a busy Christian mom that feels spiritually disconnected and a bit overwhelmed, yet you desire a deeper relationship with God, then you are in the right place. This podcast is designed to help you understand the Bible and integrate it into your life so you can experience greater peace, purpose, and connection with Jesus. I'm your host, Betsy Marvin, and this is Episode 184. In this episode, we're talking about words, the ones spoken to us and the ones we speak to others. James 3 reminds us that our words are powerful because they reveal what's happening in our hearts. Let's dive in. I can still remember the words spoken behind me as I went down the hall at school. My eighth-grade brain felt pretty good when I left the house that morning, but now my hand-me-down outfit felt weird. I wanted to cut off my hair, and I wished the tile floor would open up and swallow me. I never wore that outfit again. In fact, I literally threw it away. Their words sank deep into the core of my heart. Why do negative arrows do that? Well, the positive words seem to just skim off the surface. We remember words because words help shape identity. They tell us who we are, who we aren't, and where we belong. That's why James spends an entire chapter talking about the tongue. He knows our words don't just reveal our character, they influence the people around us. I wish I could say that my experience caused me to be so careful with my own words that I never hurt anyone. But that wouldn't be true. I know I've been carelessly insensitive at times. I've said things I wish I could take back, and I've probably said things I didn't even realize were hurtful. I mean, words are powerful things. I read about one young woman that developed an eating disorder after father made one comment about her weight when she was 10. Another young man I read about became a world-class athlete because one coach told him it was possible. As we move into James 3, he wants us to know that genuine faith is revealed by our transformed words, that transformed speech comes from a transformed heart. Let's begin at verse 1 of chapter 3. Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. Indeed, we all make many mistakes, for if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect, and could also control ourselves in every other way. How many people have thought that they aren't creative because of the words of an elementary teacher? I have heard so many stories where teachers, without knowing it, have hindered growth, creativity, and even affected identity because of the words said from an opinion or without thinking. It's a lot of pressure to think about every word, but that's how important they are. James reminds those of us who teach, and that certainly includes parents, that if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect. But we can't. So we aren't. We all make many mistakes. Verse 3. We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth, and a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. We often focus in these verses on the power of small words to make a big impact. But I think there's something more here. What's interesting about this illustration is that both the bit and the rudder are controlled by someone. Who holds the reins? Who directs the rudder? This is where the deeper lesson lives. Some people have no control on the reins or rudder. They say, whatever comes to mind and let their emotions have control. The words just spew out of them. James is making the point here that when we surrender the reins and the rudder to God, the Holy Spirit renews our minds and begins shaping our words. The tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. And when we let that small piece of us, in some ways, be ruled by God, then what we say could be grand. Jesus in Matthew 12 says this for whatever is in your heart determines what you say. A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgment day for every idle word you speak. The word you say will either acquit you or condemn you. For whatever is in your heart determines what you say. So according to Jesus, James is telling us that words reveal our hearts, and that genuine faith is revealed by a transformed speech. And our transformed speech then should come from a transformed heart, which is both convicting and hopeful. Yet James isn't done. We continue in verse 5. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire, and among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. First, James spoke of horses and ships that are controlled. In this illustration, a huge forest is destroyed by a tiny spark. Well, getting out of control, making the point that the tongue can either be controlled or destroy. Fires create a lot of damage, and it can be in different ways. Not only does fire burn and char, leaving soot, it causes smoke damage. Smoke, when you think about it, goes far beyond the actual fire. It chokes and stings and it spreads this odor that we all recognize. And I think gossip is an example of smoke damage. It's usually not the fire itself, but then it spreads, taking on a life of its own. And I think that's because when we gossip, there's this false sense of intimacy that we kind of feel included because we know something private. And it quietly builds a us versus them mentality. There's this weird, strange, rewarding feeling that goes with it. And then it spreads. It's so hurtful. When James references the body in these verses, he's speaking of the church and how quickly a little flame can corrupt the whole church. The words just go throughout it like smoke. And it impacts all those that it comes in touch with. In fact, it has an odor that many of us recognize. Yet just a few seconds of care on the front side can save vast devastation later if we would watch our words. Verse 7. People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right. Does a spring of water bubble out both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives or grapevine produce fakes? No. And you can't draw fresh water from a salty spring. The irony of someone worshiping through song, lifting their words before God at 9.35 on a Sunday morning, speaking of loving others and loving God. And then at 11 o'clock, they're cursing the driver in front of them on their way home. That's the image here. Blessing and cursing coming out of the same mouth. I remember the first time I heard a Christian leader use profanity while eating a meeting. It startled me. Not because Christians are perfect, but because James says blessing and cursing flowing from the same spring should make us stop and pay attention. But it's not just profane words that James is speaking of. It's gossip, exaggeration, boasting and bragging. It's slander and two-facedness. It's it's criticism and anger and cruelty or selective reporting. It's all of those negative sides of words. Controlling our words is huge and hard and frustrating and humbling. And like the first test of genuine faith, trials and temptations, our actions matter. We know that our word should glorify God. We know that we shouldn't use one vocabulary or tone at church and then a different one at home or at work. But we do. When you think about the moments when your words do the most damage, it's usually based in one of these areas. Anger due to selfishness, a wound that sits deep, exhaustion, or fear. If you're anything like me, most of the words you regret weren't spoken on your best days. They came out when you were tired, overwhelmed, hurting, or afraid. We need the Holy Spirit to do his work in us so that our words reflect him, so that when we are tired or we are afraid, our first response isn't to do damage with our words, but to seek him for words. We need to surrender our hearts to his work through humility and healing, rest and trust. When our hearts are in tune with him, our words reveal where our hearts are. And that can give life to those we're speaking to. Spiritual maturity is a heart focused on Jesus in such a way that it influences what you say. Wherever you are, whoever you're with, no matter the circumstances. It's not sunshine and rainbows. It's honest, real, and open even when it's hard, but it's tempered with love. Dear one, I still remember the words spoken in the hallway in eighth grade. Decades later, I can still hear them. That's the power of words. The question James asks us isn't simply whether our words are kind or unkind. It's whether our words reveal a heart that is being shaped by Jesus. Every conversation, every text message, every social media post, every comment spoken in frustration is revealing something happening inside of us. The goal isn't simply better speech. The goal is a transformed heart. Because when Jesus changes the heart, the words eventually will follow. So this week, I encourage you to pay attention to your words. Do they point people toward Jesus? Do they bring life or do they leave wounds? And if your words reveal areas where God still needs to do some work, don't be discouraged. Bring your heart to Him. Because the same Jesus who healed the wounds left by words can also transform the words that come from us. As you go through this week, pay attention. Notice what comes out when you're tired, frustrated, rushed, or afraid. And instead of feeling guilty about it, let it become an invitation. An invitation to bring your heart before Jesus. Ask him to show you where healing, humility, rest, or trust is needed. And if this episode encouraged you, would you take a moment to share it with a friend? You never know when one life giving word or a podcast episode might make a lasting difference in someone's life. Thank you for joining me today. I'll see you next time.