Greasy Says - Being brown in games is exhausting...

Warning CONTAINS EXPLICIT LANGUAGE
This is the episode you have been waiting for… Today I dig into being a brown immigrant in this place and industry. And then I geek out on solar.

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Transcript

what's up everybody? Welcome to Greasy Says My name is Greasy. AKA Arturo aka M-Cue... been in the gaming industry for 15 years. I don't know if you can call me a vet yet but I'm getting close. I've been in all aspects or creative aspects of the gaming industry. Get into my story. Actually, if you guys want to know my story if you want to hear the backstory, hit me up and maybe I'll do a special segment about some shit like that. But yeah, we're here to talk about what it's like in the gaming industry from a quote unquote, minorities perspective. What it's like to be brown in the gaming industry whats the challenges was the bullshit you deal with. If you're coming in new what kind of bullshit should you expect and how to avoid it. Understanding the landscape of this industry, because there's a lot of stuff going on that a lot of people don't talk about. And I'm here to talk about some of that shit, especially today. Today, we're gonna go into some shit. Real quick before that. Follow me on Instagram, tik tok and Facebook. That's a Greasy Says gr e a s YSAY s. And check out my music on Spotify. bandcamp and SoundCloud under the name mq M dash cue. So without further ado, let's kick it off with a question. Oh, wait, I forgot about today's key. Dumb ass.

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Today's key is:

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Remember, if you have a key that you want me to do an episode in, just let me know. Reach out to me.

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Okay, cool.

2:23  

So Greasy. What's it like being a brown game developer.

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What's it like being brown in games? The first word that comes to mind. exhausting. It's fucking exhausting. Being brown in America, being an immigrant and relax, proud boys. I'm a legal citizen. fuckheads being an immigrant that spent the formative years of his life growing up in a society where black and brown folks are NOT the minority. Living in America is like culture shock, deja vu. Even in the most liberal of American societies, and I live in a pretty liberal American society. There are so many subtle and coded examples of racism in everyday life, that it's sometimes feels like I'm in Groundhog Day, repeating the same awkward and infuriating interactions with non brown folks over and over ad infinitum.

3:21  

Oh, wow. Did you hear about that case of police murdering black people who do nothing wrong? Yeah, Becky.

3:27  

I've been watching that shit and complaining about it for years. You didn't hear me?

3:32  

Oh, I love your hair. Oh my god, your son's hair. Your son's hair is so beautiful. I can't get enough of it. Can I touch his curls?

3:40  

Can I cut off your fucking hand Tiffany?

3:44  

So where are you from? Like originally?

3:47  

Where the fuck are you from? Michael tell me that being brown in America is a constant reminder that you don't belong. Being brown in America is like being an inmate in an asylum, but you don't know it. All the doctors and orderlies try to make you feel comfortable doscile and convinced of your own insanity. But you're strapped down yelling catch you see it is right in front of you Can't you see it? As the wheel you're asking to a padded room on some Shutter Island shit. Shout out Scorese the thing about being brown in America is that it permeates everything in your life. You know how white women and white gender fluid people complain about how the world is stacked against them? Well, bitch, at least you white. At least you have the skin color social credit score of over 700 you could get that social loan. You can get people to listen to you. You have an entire society built around and in service of your needs. Brown folks, not so much. So here's the thing, right? Art imitates life. And guess what games imitate life as well. And that means that unfortunately, developing games imitates life to game development is a mainly white male industry. Don't let this game cover art for you that's coming out these days, marketing is using female and black faces to act like they care to act like they're woke, or whatever version of bullshit they're selling you this week. So you'll buy that overpriced subscription to DLC. When you click on the careers page of a hiring game studio, and they're showing a diverse group of smiling 20 somethings who seemingly have a care in the world, realize that some marketing slash community person or group of people handpicked those people so that their studio would appear inclusive. Not that it actually is. The people in that picture, likely make up less than 5% of the staff at that studio. And it's highly unlikely that any of them are being paid fairly, or very important are in executive positions.

6:05  

Usually, there are so few brown people working in a development studio, that we can't even form community. I don't know about you, but I am and I have seen other non white game devs eating a late lunch alone, isolated. Have you ever seen that? It drives me fucking crazy. That affects gaming culture as a whole. If you don't have a varied racial culture in your studio, you make singular culture games. Which is why for decades, most leading game characters look like Nathan Drake, or Sammis Aaron, or if you're on the bleeding edge of wokeness. Ellie, from last of us oooo she's a woman, and she's gay. We did y'all we fixed game character representation shots all around. This is the only world The devs understand. And if they do try to make a black character, you end up with these cringy caricatures. Like Barrett from Final Fantasy seven. That guyanese boy from Metal Gear Rising. Who sends "scunt" every five fucking seconds. And that jackass Cole my favorite fucking Cole from Gears of War. Now I'm not saying people like these characters don't exist. But I guarantee you, if you had more black and brown, game devs on your team, eyebrows would have been through the fucking roof. And the decisions would have to have been questioned. That is if brown folks on your team weren't fearing unemployment.

7:35  

Oh, I'm a senior manager. And I know how to fix this. We need a more diverse team. Let's hire one black woman and add her to his studio filled with white males. She'll fit right in. And I get to say I'm pushing diversity in games.

7:48  

No, she won't Sharon. She'll get the job done she'll crush it. But she'll never fit in. And you will never see that. But you'll get recognized for improving diversity by all the other white people. So good for you. You can't just call in diversity, like a Marvel vs. Capcom support character and expect your studio culture to just magically improve. In fact, it often has the opposite effect, making your diversity hire feel just like that. Some kind of appointed spokesperson for that race. And your team made up of mostly white people will see her that way as well as a diversity hire now for the skills that she's bringing to the table. And they will treat her like that. Even if it's subconscious, they will treat her that way. which is which, which in turn will make her feel even more isolated and gaslighted. And she'll likely work harder to prove herself until all the fucks in the fucks given tank have dried up. And then when she bucks because she has no more fucks

8:55  

Now she have an attitude problem. Go fuck yourself. You have to build community in a team. And that means learning a culture and helping it thrive, which isn't something managers that I've worked with know how or are interested in doing. The culture of most development teams is white culture. There's plenty of great things about white culture. I mean, the whole get doughnuts for every one thing that shits has great. Free doughnuts. I love that. Your dedication of puns. I fuckin love that. But white culture isn't exactly known for stepping outside of itself. It's seldom known for its self awareness. It's not their fault. It's just historically they don't have to be. But that negligence hurts team culture. And it stifles the voices and ideas that don't fit into that framework. Putting a brown face on the front of a white owned white run company doesn't equal diversity or equal opportunity. It's just opportunistic. Stay in these realms long enough, and you end up feeling beaten down. Or you just sort of assimilate, you stop trying to influence what characters get made, or what stories are told. You just stop engaging in discussion. Because every discussion feels like a debate. You stop having edges, so you will be smooth to the group. Or you form your own micro groups, if that's even possible. In my 15 years, as a Game Dev, I have seen and heard all manner of fuckery regarding race, from the QA pit, all the way up to the executive meeting rooms. And I've been exhausted by it, as I'm sure many others have. But I love making games. So the shortcomings of Game Dev culture won't stop me from thriving and doing what I love. Just like these asshats out here in the real world. Can't stop me from winning. But it's still exhausting. But we keep it moving, then.

11:13  

Yeah, I mean, I've done several jobs in games, y'all. A lot, a lot of different things. I've been a creative lead, which is essentially the director, the creative director of a of the title, not of the studio, but of the game itself. So you come up with the ideas, you come up with the direction of the whole game, if this shit sucks, is yo ass. So a lot of responsibility in that fucking rule have been audio lead, which is essentially manager of audio people and manager of the the audio thumbprint of a particular game. Again, you're managing people have been a sound designer, obviously. making sounds for the games music voiceover I've directed voiceover I got a crazy story from back in the day. One time I actually got to voice direct Usher, like Usher the fucking r&b singer. You may be Yeah, he was cool as fuck real cool guy. What was hilarious is he was actually doing lines that I would usually do anyway. I could tell that story some other time. Let me know guys reach out to me. Let me know if you want me to tell the whole Usher thing 

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I've been, oh, I've done level design. This is what you do. Not a lot. Like I'm not like an unreal guru or anything like that. I don't know how to make a fuckin cod map with sight lines and all that shit. But I've I've dabbled quite a bit building levels and in many different engines. Where else I've been a QA lead. Shout out to fucking QA. Yo, respect fuckin QA. Alright, y'all do not fuck in this respect. Qa? Do not think QA is stupid. Do not think QA is less than you? I used to work with a fucking AP, who used to talk down to us in QA when I was a QA lead. This dude was a fucking asshole. Guess what? He was a fucking plumber of working coder. Yeah. Respect QA because guess what? Without Qa? Nobody else is playing your fucking game. So fall back motherfucker. No one else is going to tell you that you should is fucking broken. No one is going to dig deep into your game's mechanics and even the fucking menu screens to tell you that the shit you thought you were flawlessly coding or whatever is fucking broken. Alright, so respect QA. I got a lot of passion for QA. Fuck that noise. I've also been a QA grunt like starting at the bottom. That's how I got into games. I've done fuckin voiceover direction. Oh, I already said that. Stupid. I've done mocap both directed mocap even directed mocap remotely, which is fucking wild through video, but that totally is possible to be the future because you don't even need to be anywhere to do shit now. I've done more cap myself up. I've been like maybe 3-4-5 characters in different games. The most recent one I worked on was a lot of fun. Imagine me basically hanging off of a shelf with a big dude behind me holding a shelf so I don't fucking fall over and like basically trying to jump off of this shelf. To do this cat animation or whatever. It was a lot of fun. mocap is crazy fun. It's physically demanding. Right? And it's sometimes can be grueling because you're in the suit, doing repetitive motion and you get wiped out you gotta be in shape to do fucking mocap unless they mocaping a fat person. I guess that's cool too, you know, I mean, but it takes a lot of work. It's a very physically demanding job. What else am I doing? I've pitched games. Got a couple signed, which is crazy feeling when you get that much money to make a game. It's fucking wild. You're like, How the hell did I even get? Who the fuck trust me to do anything right? But you know what, I still fucking crushed it so. And then oh, I've been like, I've gone to conventions and done both like booth stuff, which is cool because you get to meet the real people actually play your games. And it's really funny when they shit on your game before they even play it while they're waiting in line. I particularly enjoy that. nerds. Thanks for that. But yeah, I have done stage shows at conventions like EA three and and I was even on like Oculus, his main stage for a presentation for a game I worked on. So I've done a lot of shit. done a lot of shit. So yeah, I've done a lot of shit. So I know what I'm talking about when I say all this shit from before, and being Brown. I've experienced all this shit I've talked about in the past. That's not just me fucking talking out my ass. Hey.

16:24  

Guess what, y'all Guess what? I'm getting solar. Where we're going solar solar. Yeah, I'm so fuckin psyched. Solar like solar power, like solar panels on my roof. So I am so fucking psyched. I can't wait. I can't wait. Here's the thing. I've done like a bunch of research on this now right? Some of y'all might know about this. The price of electricity goes up like every year. It just keeps going up. It's not gonna stop. So like and and where does it come from? Yeah, some of it comes from solar some of it comes from wind but most of it comes from fucking gas. And like, oil is shit right? Am I wrong? So I'm like Yo, solar makes so much fucking sense. And it's getting cheaper. Like like solar panels are like three three you can get some shit for like $3 a kilowatt hour a kilowatt hour. Let me see if I can explain this shit. Um, I am not a scientist. Okay, I am not fucking doc from Back to the Future I can explain the shit in jigowatts and whatnot All right. But I think like a kilowatt hour is like a unit of energy. So like you know you might you might run your computer and that shit might be like a kilowatt hour a day you may run your ac and its like 14 kilowatt hours a day so when you buy a panel you buy it based on like the amount of kilowatts you could get for it to power all this shit in your house which is mostly electric right? Except maybe what you do if you are here and fucking where I'm at and you're freezing your fucking balls off in winter you need gas right to heat your house but most of the time AC you allow other shit is electric. So like Yo, free fucking energy bro. With a catch right? I mean it's not fucking free you gotta put the downpayment down or whatever. But like, man, I can't fucking wait to get these panels dawg.

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I can't wait. I can't wait.

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The I'll let y'all know if I if I can save a bunch of money because it should. Like on a good day. eliminate all of my fucking use or at least even it out with the whole net metering thing. net metering is like you have solar panels on your roof. You generate power. If you generate more than you fucking use, you kick that shit back to the grid. You kick that shit back to national grid or whoever the fuck giving you electricity in first place. And they credit you that money back. And where I live they have a really good net metering policy where they buy back your power for the same price that they sell it to you at in other states. They don't do that shit. They sell that shit back to you. For less money, which is some bullshit, which is typical fucking evil corporation shit. Oh, the same the exact same quality power that you generate in worth lessen the power I'm selling you guys dirty. What the fuck no shit is. But Yo, I am fucking psyched. psyched to get put solar. Let's go. Hopefully the sun don't fucking like, you know burn up in like five years. I mean, we've all be dead. So who gives? Like I wouldn't even be alive to regret that shit. But, uh, have anybody out there have solar? What do I expect? This is going to be rad. Am I going to be disappointed? I mean I know I have to I'll tell you what I sizes the sizes like six six point something kilowatts average. No. I'm not like a crazy power user. Yeah, I got my studio but like, I conserve and shit. I try to conserve we are all we all gotta conserve right you cabbages drinking up all the fucking water can be shitting everywhere flushing twice and all this shit. You got to be conservative in your living. This is the future. We have to we have to preserve this fucking planet for people right? You got to conserve you got to live frugally with your energy use I believe. Walk when you can. You dont need a fucking extra car. I mean, Game Studios should be solar powered. Why not? Why aren't Game Studios solar powered? We're supposed to be at the forefront right? we supposed to be forward thinkers. That investment it will pay dividends if you install fucking solar on you. Yeah, okay, you might have to get like, I don't know, a mega watt or something like that to run a big studio or medium sized studio. But think about the footprint. You know, I mean, we already make stuff that doesn't have a physical form most of the time unless you like Nintendo now I take the only ones left I guess PlayStation everybody make discs and shit. But like most people are buying digital. This medium is has to eventually go pure digital. Once Nintendo figures out how to do it, it's a wrap. Because Nintendo real, real spicy about their fuckin copyright and piracy. And people copying games, which is why they put shit out on physical cards, because they're harder to copy. They're harder to steal. But yeah, like, just imagine if all the game companies in the world when solar that shit would be rad.

21:57  

The sun powers games. I mean, think about that statement. The sun helps us make games imagine is attached and that shit too. credits. Like the credits are your game. Like, you know, like, here's QA and all the people in QA and then at the end special. Thanks, thanks to the fucking dog that you have. Thanks to your fucking pet goldfish. Also, here's how much fucking free energy we generated while we made this title. year one we generated this many kill you know, I mean, that would be cool. That'd be a cool stat to put in some credits. raise the awareness of conservative living conservative development.

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Green shit. Yo, I'm a genius. Let's go. Come on. join in. Who should do it first? Yo, if Nintendo did it but nahI Nintendo they too cheap to do this shit. It's got to be like a small studio. No, it does. If it was a big studio that would be even more sort of impactful.

23:10  

Imagine if Activision went solar. I just completely turned around their fucking shitty fucking reputation. Like Activision goes completely solar. they donate all the extra power they generate to low income people that live in the town that they're in. Oh my god, and then Bobby Kotick becomes like Bill Gates and everybody loves him again. Oh, do it, Bobby. Do it, man. I'm telling you people love you. People will love you. Then you could you know pull up on fucking sick armed guards on anybody you want. And nobody would care because it's like Yo, Bobby Kotick is paying for my fucking air conditioning. I don't care let him shoot up this fucking cafe. I don't give a shit.

24:00  

Speaking of shooting up cafes. You remember that game postal? Well, we're gonna revisit it on this next segment that I'm calling. Remember that game? Anybody? Anybody remember that game postal? Like going postal? came out in 97 which I had to look it up is the same time GTA came out the first GTA right around that time, it seemed like all game companies were trying to offend people. Is that Oh, no, I have most of them. I gotta look up more examples. But like, Isn't it weird that GTA and postal came out in 97 postal was a top down isometric shooter in the vein of some something like smash TV, if you can even remember that for about as truth. back right there. Smash TV was in the arcades. It was almost like imagine Running Man as a game, but good not like the running man game where you're on a game show and you go in through these rooms, death rooms, you know what I mean? They're trying to kill you and you rotate your guy around and shoot shit. Postal is in that vein. There was a postal SQL postal two, which was even more over the top and ridiculous, but it was first person where you could like, you could piss on everything if you want that a button to piss. Way before cyberpunk was pissing through pamts. This guy was pissing out of the front of the screen. You could put a cat on your shotgun, and you like ass first onto a shotgun which is fucked up and use the cat as like a suppressor. I think I remember Peter being pissed about that. I got to look that up if Peter was pissed about that. But it just it just remind me of this time when games would try to be certain certain studios would try to be as offensive as possible. Piss off as many people as possible get as much press as possible bad press. Because guess what? bad press is still good press. bad press. Actually, they've mastered this now like bad press is better than good press. People don't want to hear about the good shit going on. For some reason. They only want to hear about the bad shit. They only want to hear about the offensive shit. And they want to get, you know, triggered basically people live to get triggered. It's fun for them. I don't know. It's weird. People are like that. But postal and GTA both exploited this idea of pissing off the public getting as much bad press as possible as part of marketing your game as part of selling your game. The more people talking about it, the more people are likely to buy it. And that's a technique that people still use to this day. But you know what? I remember I posted this is the one thing looking it up again, going over videos. It has that awesome sound that when your guy gets shot, he goes, ah, you know that sound? That's in like, all movies, probably predating 90 something. It's from the sound ideas library. I think it's like a human grunt or human hurt sound. And it's classic. Who the fuck is that guy? Who is the guy? Who did that sound? Who is that guy? I want to know, write to me and tell me because I don't know who that guy is. Everybody talks about the Wilhelm scream. They should call that shit. Like the guy's name grunt or the guy's name. hurt. Sound pain. Sound effects are something that guy's famous. Tim and Eric even use that sound effect. Like so much for comedy in their show. That sound is the fucking shit. So thank you postal for bringing that sound to my ears. But there is a limit to how offensive you can make a game and still have an effect. I think like there's another game more recent called hatred.

28:14  

very similar to postal is still top down. It's still run around with a gun shooting innocent people. It's a massacre game, basically. But for some reason that one didn't hit for me. For some reason. I saw the trailer. And I remember seeing the trailer and being like, Damn, that's fucking offensive as shit. And it actually made me feel like I don't know if I want to play that. Because it was almost trying too hard to be offensive and it was taking itself very seriously. You know? It's a guy in a black fucking trench coat. He has long black hair. He looks like fuckin the lead singer of def clock Nathan explosion. Which sounds awesome. But Nathan explosion is awesome. Because he's fucking hilarious. This guy was just like angry and brooding and just like a little too much the Crow, you know what I mean? So like, there's a fine line where you have to, you have to infuse a little bit of humor into how offensive you make something. particularly around like extreme violence and massacre and that kind of stuff. Which, you know, it's not really a fun subject. Let's be honest. Unless you're fucking psycho. Anyway postal Shout out to postsal shout out to running with scissors. For kind of, you know, breaking the mold a little bit. Without postal there'd be no GTA Well, they did come out at the same time. So I wonder if they like, knew each other or like, you know, sometimes that happens. Sometimes people leave studios while they're working on a game, go to another studio, start another studio make a game exactly like that game. And they come out at the same time it happens. I wonder if they were related in any way or like members were related or I don't know.

30:00  

I might never know. Alright, let's switch over to doper dumb. Where we examine a trend and we talk about whether it's dope. Or if it's kind of dumb.

30:18  

Here's a fucking dumb trend. Group texts. Pause. Just take pause. Think about how many fucking group texts you're a part of. actually go look on your phone right now. I bet you the top eight. No, that's that's crazy. The top three of your texts in your fuckin threads are groups. If not, all of your fuckin texts take place in some slack universe, which is just fucking insane to me. Group texts are part of everyone's lives now. Social media has penetrated so deep that even when you try to get away from social media, you're fucking jackass friends are creating more social media for you to be sucked into. Because they brings there's no escape people. Social media is here to stay. Even if Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, tik tok fucking whatever. 4chan. If all I should shut down, people would still have social media via text now. There's no escape. I have group texts with two groups of people who are the same fucking people. Except for one person. That shit don't make no fucking sense. Why are we doing this to ourselves? Why? More importantly, why are you doing this to me? Do you know I don't like text messages. You don't you know, I can barely keep up with one group text, let alone three where there's one person missing. And that person's picture is just like a J. Or like a fucking ex. Because they never uploaded anything just like me. I'm not saying you have to upload anything and put a picture on your shit. I'm just saying. I got a I got to think about all these different group texts. Before I respond, like I responded to a group text the other day on some other shit from some other fucking group text. And then my wife texted me that I was wrong about the group text I was texting. It was for the other group text. I was like, yo, fuck this shit man. Who the fuck cares about what I have to say? Nobody fucking wants to see a texture me nobody fucking cares. Why am I on these group texts? who the fuck wants to be our you know what else? Let's be ultra real. Ultra real. Let's be ultra fuckin real. hetero alert. Okay, header row hetero alert alert. Does anyone else's wife text them while they're in the same fucking house? Anybody laughing right now? Anybody giggling to themselves right now?

33:47  

Like your ass is downstairs making a sandwich when she should be making it I'm just kidding. I'm just going to relax. You're downstairs making a fucking sandwich. She upstairs let's say doing yoga. Mid yoga she texts you yo when you come up bring the mayomaise they got this new mayonaise yoga

34:13  

you text me you I could hear you I could literally hear your bones creaking in from a floor up You can't just yell bring the mayonaise you got to text me bring the mayonaise  why you know much much more thought and effort it takes for me to reach in my pocket open open my phone ignore all the notifications in my fucking phone that are already there that I ignored from before scroll down to find your fucking text about mayonaise when you could have just yell I shut down in direct point of contact between you and me via sound waves traveling through the air. Go fucking figure. Wow Just ask me for the fucking mayonaise bring the mayonaise up. You have to text me bring the mayonnaise up that took you longer than saying bring the mayonnaise up. Why you texted me in the house? Why are you texting me in the house? We in the house? unreal. It's kind of hilarious how much of this is me off seems like a perfect time for some medication and meditation Hmm. To calm down in it.

35:45  

In today's meditation, while under medication, medication, we focus on ways to make the world a better place. Maybe your act is major, like moving a mountain or capturing the power of the sun. Maybe your act is small by dropping a pebble in a pond or not killing that ant Today my act, my contribution to human betterment all individuals will be required To keep their shoes and socks on. Unless they're at the beach. I know. I know. I know. It seems harsh. But if you're at the beach, let your toes frolic freely. But it also means there will be no toenail clipping on the train. No toe filing no Bunyan carving or being on the bus. If you're on a plane, you will not remove your feet from your socks and shoes that have been boiling, wailing, moistening, marinating in loafer funk for 18 hours and placed them ever so gingerly upon the seat in front of you. Let's just try harder people. Let's just try harder. Maybe we should just maybe just get rid of group texts that'll make the world a better place.

37:43  

Yeah, that's it. All right, ya'll. We got to add a lot of fun doing this has been all over the place today. hope y'all enjoy this shit. Please, please, please, please send me feedback. If you listen to this. If you listen to all three episodes so far, if you listen to just one episode, you think the shit rules you think associating could use improvement? You like this segment? You don't really like this segment? I'm rambling on too much. Do you like all the singing and shit you'd like to beat? give me feedback. I need it so I can make this ship better. You know, I'm always trying to make the ship better. feedback is important. Another thing you should know about games is you get a lot of feedback. You got to be able to take that shit trust, need to be able to take feedback. So I want you guys feedback. So hit me up. Let me know. I'll tell you where you can let me know perfect plug on my social shit. You can find me at greasy says on Instagram Tick Tok or Facebook. Go listen to my music on Spotify. bandcamp and SoundCloud. Go to Spotify so I can get them streams. It's mq on Spotify. M dash c U e. On on all that stuff. Oh, and if you're listening on Apple, leave me a fucking review. Please. Unlike a star review, that would help. It always helps. All that shit is good. And let me know if you're like, Oh, I listen on Google. And it's not on Google. Yeah, I know. It's not on Google yet. We're working on it. But it's not on Google yet. But if you listen anywhere else, let me know what you listen in on. So I can know like, all right, I give a fuck about these people. All right. So greasy people. Thanks for coming out. Like Subscribe, comment, give me feedback. Like I said, tell me to go fuck myself. And until next time, it's me. Greasy. Checking out with the room key

Transcribed by https://otter.ai