6 Geese a Laying

In honor of the holiday season, we are re-releasing our 12 Days of Christmas special! For the next 12 days, we will re-release one episode a day, each one with our own spin on the classic holiday theme, "The 12 Days of Christmas."

Cindy explains why geese attack and how you too can prevent a geese attack.

Transcript

Geese Attack Prevention and Alternatives

Speaker 1 0:10

So , before I go into my story for this mini episode , I just want everyone listening , and especially you , katie , because I can see you . I want you to know that this is probably the most important podcast you will listen to all day . Katie , I'm betting that we are going to save a life or two just with this podcast .

Speaker 2 0:34

This is very serious stuff . Oh my gosh .

Speaker 1 0:36

Let's get into it . On the sixth day of Christmas , my true love gave to me six geese a-laying . Christmas is my true love , Katie . Six geese a-laying . So , Katie , let's learn why geese can be so aggressive . We're going to explore ways you can prevent a goose attack and also learn about some alternatives to giving someone geese for Christmas .

Speaker 2 1:04

Literally anything else . How about those poppet toys that the kids these days are playing with that ?

Speaker 1 1:13

seems a lot less aggressive . So let's start by briefly exploring . Why are geese sometimes so aggressive ? Did you know that geese often become aggressive if they think that their eggs or goslings are threatened ?

Speaker 2 1:27

I thought it's just because they were literally spawned from the bowels of hell . I just thought they were really just assholes .

Speaker 1 1:36

I think so more so , even if you don't see a nest , one may be nearby .

Speaker 2 1:43

Lurking .

Speaker 1 1:44

If you get too close , a goose may attack to defend it . Now if wild geese are fed by people , they obviously start to lose their natural fear of humans and therefore will build their nests close to people and people activities . Then of course , the geese will become aggressive if people get too close to their nests . Now most goose attacks on humans result in minor to no injuries . But severe injuries can happen . Goose attacks have resulted in broken bones , head trauma and emotional distress . In broken bones , head trauma and emotional distress .

Speaker 2 2:28

Many of these injuries occur when the person tries to avoid the goose attack and trips and falls . Just lean into it , they'll do less damage to you . Just let them do their thing .

Speaker 1 2:40

So , Katie , you might be wondering how do I know if a goose is preparing to attack me ?

Speaker 2 2:46

I don't know Sydney . How do I know ?

Speaker 1 2:49

Notice its body language . At first , a goose will bend its head back slightly . This indicates aggression . If the goose then bends its neck out straight , this shows that the goose's aggression is increasing . Also , if a goose is about to attack you , it will pump its head up and down . They also may honk or hiss if they are about to attack Katie . It's very important to know that geese have excellent vision and they will pay very close attention to your eyes and your body language .

Speaker 2 3:26

Wait , should I make eye contact with the goose , or is that also ? They interpret that as a sign of aggression .

Speaker 1 3:32

So here's what you need to do If a goose begins acting aggressively towards you . The first thing you should do is maintain eye contact and face your body directly towards the bird . Your instinct might say turn and flee , but no , the bird will see that as a sign of weakness and will follow you . Also , do not close or squint your eyes , because that will make the goose more likely to attack . Be sure to back away slowly and never run , yell , kick or act aggressively in any way . If you do , the bird still may attack you . This is important , katie . This is super important . If a goose flies towards your face , duck or move away from it at a 90 degree angle to the direction of flight . I repeat do not turn away from the bird . Also , it's important to know that you should always go to the park with a friend , so , even if you do get attacked , a friend will be there to catch it on video that's the most important part of all this on october .

Speaker 1 4:49

Now for a little bit of history , not really but no , but , but this is good .

Speaker 2 4:55

This is we . Like you said , I feel like we've saved lives . I feel like this could also you could substitute in many other things for a goose , and this would work very well A small child , a chihuahua .

Speaker 1 5:09

Do not close or squinch your eyes and never turn away from your child .

Speaker 2 5:15

They view that as a sign of aggression and also weakness and will attack .

Speaker 1 5:21

You know all your weaknesses . You know all your weaknesses . On October 25th 2019 , an 87-year-old woman with a walker in Dartmouth , nova Scotia , was out of nowhere attacked by a goose . According to the Canadian press reports , the goose attack left the elderly woman with a broken pelvis and a broken elbow .

Speaker 2 5:42

That's no joke when you're an octogenarian .

Speaker 1 5:45

Right , she should have listened to this podcast . She should have jumped ahead in time , listened to the podcast , gone back in time to her present day , and then she would have known what to do about the goose attack .

Speaker 2 5:59

Right , right , she probably squinted at them . That's your first mistake . Don't squint .

Speaker 1 6:03

Use the glasses Disgusting . In 2011 , a dentist in Alaska was attacked by a goose . The dentist hopped onto his ATV to escape , but the goose flew at him , which caused him to drive into a tree at high speed and he broke his leg . That's awful , and he broke his leg . That's awful . And , katie , need I remind you of Captain Sully and the Miracle on the Hudson in 2009 ? I remember that . I remember watching that on TV . I hope that man sleeps every night with his head on a pillow of Canadian goose feathers .

Speaker 2 6:45

Anyway . So I'm seeing a pattern . These Canadians , it's the Canadians . Canadian , literally a Canadian goose from Canada , nova Scotia , alaska , the border's right there Could have snuck right over , and then we know for a fact it was a canadian goose .

Speaker 1 7:06

The miracle on the hudson I'm I'm just saying seems like , for whatever reason , canada is breeding super killer geese so you might be thinking well , shoot , cind , cindy , I was going to get my boyfriend or my girlfriend six geese for Christmas .

Unique Gift Alternatives for Loved Ones

Speaker 1 7:29

What are some alternatives to getting my significant other some geese ? Well , here's an idea you could always staple your lover's hand . Just take a stapler and , just like , staple them . That would be a good alternative .

Speaker 2 7:45

Probably more pleasant . You'd get them some more enjoyable .

Speaker 1 7:48

Ferrero Rocher . Or you could always check out our not another history podcast Amazon wishlist , where Katie and I have have shared some of our favorite historically relevant historically themed , historically loosely tied stuff . Anyway , all great alternatives to giving your significant loved ones some geese for Christmas .

Speaker 2 8:25

They will thank you for it in advance or not .

Speaker 1 8:28

They may be selfish bastards and never thank you , but at least you saved them from the goose attack in that case , maybe you should get them the geese maybe you know what , maybe you do know people in your life . Just get that SOB A goose . Get everybody else something from our Not Another History Podcast , amazon wish list . It's one or two people , why not ?

Speaker 2 8:56

You deserve a goose this year , thank you ,