How To Raise and Regulate an iPad kid.

“Screens are the hardest part of modern parenting, but who’s really in control?”

Whether it’s calming a tantrum, filling a childcare gap, or supporting learning, screens have become an essential and often unavoidable part of childhood. But as devices take on the role of a “third caregiver,” deeper questions begin to emerge about attention, behaviour, and what it means to grow up constantly connected.

In this episode of Yours Lawfully, produced by qLegal for the TMT Institute, we are joined by Dr. Elizabeth Milovidov, a global expert in digital parenting and children’s online safety. Drawing on her work advising governments, tech companies, parents, and schools worldwide, she brings a nuanced perspective to the challenges of raising children in an increasingly digital world.

Together, we explore what it really means to be an “iPad kid,” whether technology is shaping children more than parents are, and why families have become so reliant on screens in the first place. We also examine the role of persuasive design, the realities behind “digital natives,” and the growing concerns around children’s data, profiling, and online safety.

As digital devices become embedded in everyday parenting, we ask a fundamental question: how do we strike the right balance between convenience and control and what role can law and regulation but more importantly we play in protecting the next generation?

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Parents today report that screens are the hardest part of modern parenting, with 67% saying their child's screen use is out of control. Devices make life easier, they suit tantrums, fill childcare gaps, and support level. But they also create real-life worries about attention, behavior, data privacy, and the long-term effects of going about constantly connected.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

Welcome back to Yours Lawfully, the podcast where law meets technology, media, and society. I'm Mashwati. And I'm Mayush. Today's episode dives into a topic almost every parent, teacher, and policymaker is thinking about. How do you raise and regulate an iPad kid?

SPEAKER_01 0:49

To explore all of this, we are joined by the highly knowledgeable Dr. Elizabeth Milovitov. She's a global expert in digital parenting, a consultant to governments, and big tech founder of DigitalM, and an advisor to parents and schools worldwide on children's rights and online safety. Elizabeth, thank you so much for joining us today.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

Hello, and thank you so much for the invitation. It is so wonderful to speak with you again. I think I love how you say global expert in digital parenting. But I think more important is that I'm a mom. I'm a mom to two boys. And I've also been a law professor and a lawyer. And I think uh your listeners might also be interested in my current role uh at Roblox, where I am the global head of parental advocacy. So this is the very first time ever in industry that this role has been created. And basically, my job is to be a voice for parents. I am like the bridge between Roblox and parents and caregivers everywhere, where if parents have a concern, I listen, I bring it into the Roblox Teams. And when Roblox Teams has new information and updates on products and features, then I try to go out and educate parents. I love always trying to support parents. And so let's go. Let's support parents and how to raise and regulate an iPad kid.

SPEAKER_02 2:16

That's really interesting. It's really interesting to hear about your new role. We'd love to get into that a little later. But let's get right into it. Um, people often joke about iPad kids, but behind that humor is a more real, deeper issue. So, what do we mean exactly when we talk about an iPad kid?

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Well, I think um that it's kind of interesting. And I and I want to really provide a more balanced approach to not just, you know, say it's it's negative about um iPads and things like this. I think we're not just talking about children who are using a tablet. We're talking about, you know, just this whole generation that have uh access to portable digital devices. So it's less about the device, but it's more about this constant availability of uh content. And and sometimes I, and I know I've seen this before, and even in my own case, in my own house, where I would give the tablet to my boys so that way I could go and you know cook dinner or or do something else. And so I think sometimes we we think of the the tablet as a digital caregiver, a digital nanny, so so to speak. Um and I think that unfortunately it can get a bad uh rep because people think that really it's just you know sitting there and the screen is the third uh caregiver. The reality is that parents aren't lazy. They're just sort of relying on technology to help them out a little bit. Um, they're trying to navigate this whole idea of burnout and remote work and you know on call all the time. I know for myself I have two phones, two computers, an iPad. And I think that for a lot of parents and caregivers, the iPad has become pretty much a tool of of survival. Sometimes we use it, myself included, just to have a moment of peace.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

That was quite insightful. And uh that's what brings us to our next question. As you spoke about uh iPads or technology as a caregiver the parents are using. But the question which comes to our mind is are tech companies shaping children's behavior more than parents are? What do you think about that?

SPEAKER_00 4:21

Oh my goodness. Tough question. Um, I also just want to kind of say that I do think that the this iPad kid is is a symptom, right? It's not the cause. So we're living in this world where where you know there's there's fewer public play spaces, there's more academic pressure. And so families are kind of you know retreating into this the safety and control of their of their digital homes. But I think if we're going to um look and start asking about, you know, technology, are they are the tech companies actually shaping the children's behavior? I think that there's there's there is a a sort of challenge here. Um because we we think that um that our children are just because they can speak a language, you know, it doesn't mean that they can write poetry. And just because a child can can use an iPad doesn't mean that they understand, you know, how they could be manipulated or you know, or or exactly what's happening. So they they move from from digital use to digital w wisdom. So I think it's really important that that parents realize that it's not that the tech companies are shaping their behavior, uh, it's that parents can reclaim their their influence by teaching critical thinking. Um, because let's face it, technology is is kind of cool. I've always said that in my 15 years of doing this. Um, I do not want to get rid of the the technology. I think there are so many benefits, but I think we need to be able to teach our children how to spot some of the tricks. Um we need to teach them to understand about algorithms. We need to um explain one of my favorite things. Of course, it sounds much better in French than it does in English, but I always say uh if the product is free, you are the product. Um, and so in French it's si c'est graduit, c'est toi le produit. And that sounds much better because it rhymes. But just give you a French lesson there with my American accent, but that's okay. Um, but I do think that, you know, we have to realize that there is this sort of, you know, idea of tech literacy. Um, you know, we want our children to understand, and technology is moving so fast, and human development really is an emotional maturity. That is just at the speed of biology. So there's kind of this gap here between both, and it's really what parents can bridge, what they can, what they can see themselves in their own homes. Um, and lastly, I would say I think it's really important for for parents to realize, you know, they're not giving up control to tech companies. They are coming in and they're engaging in digital parenting. And for me, that means that they are the parent influence versus the platform influence. Um parents are are moving from just monitoring their their children, what are they doing, you know, surveilling them, but to to really mentoring them. And you're asking them really three questions all the time, you know, the who, what, where, actually five if you'd like, who, what, where, when, why, when. And you're just asking them about, you know, what they're doing online, who are they talking to online, what are they watching, why are they watching, etc. Um, and I think that if parents can do this, and I know that it sounds like it's a lot, but it's really not. It's just a little bit. And you you can, you know, add two minutes to your day, and that will really help for parents to have that super influence.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

All right. I actually really love that phrase. It has got me thinking very deeply if you are if the product is free, then you are the product that has rang that's ringing some bells in my head now.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

Good, good. Well, hopefully it'll ring some bells for parents as well and for their children.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

So, I mean, this is this is a really insightful conversation. But when I'm thinking about it, I always find it funny because my first phone was when I was 16 and it was a flip phone, and it was literally just used to text or call my parents and just be in communication with them, primarily around my safety when I'm out on my own. But when I look around now, screens are everywhere. So I think that raises like a very interesting point in my mind how screens have become a daily tool for many parents, not just for entertainment, but to fill real gaps in childcare time and support. So I think what I'd like to ask is why do families depend on screens so much today? And what does that tell us about the pressures modern parents face? How can conversations around screen views move away from blame and more towards support?

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Yes. Um, tough question again. You're bringing out all the hard stuff. Um, I think in in just to respond to your own um story about, you know, with you with your flip phone at 16 and seeing screens everywhere. I mean, think back to when your parents were kids, you know, and you think about like televisions. They weren't seeing televisions everywhere, and now you see a television everywhere. Uh, and you see screens in airports, in in, you know, the waiting rooms and in air in train stations. So I think there is also this evolution that we see with technology, where uh everything is moving towards, you know, increasingly more efficient, uh, more entertainment, et cetera. And it's for us as human beings to really decide how much is too much. And for that, I do think that right now um for parents, it is very difficult because screens have become this daily tool. And yes, it does kind of fill in those gaps, as you said, about child care and support. And it's really sort of a perfect storm where, you know, we have more parents working, dual income households, we've got remote work. I mean, for me, my job is a lot of travel. So I do always uh stay in touch with my children, um, you know, with with video calls and and screens. Actually, I say children, they are teenagers and young men now, uh, but still I didn't have this type of job when they were younger, uh, because it was just, it was just, I couldn't even imagine. It was so many things to do. Um, but you know, I think that screens can support parents as as tools, you know, as I would do to finish a work call or to prepare a meal. And I think that when you when you're really mindful of your screen use, then then that's not an issue. Um, and I also think it's really important to point out that there are um a lot of of lower-income families um or marginalized families where the screen is a huge, huge opportunity. It is a bridge. It is access to educational resources and and language learning and and social connections that you know might otherwise be out of of reach. And and for me, I think that's hugely, hugely important. Um, in a previous lifetime, I did lots of work in in Morocco and you know, I went to South Africa and I saw all of these different uses of technology that was just absolutely brilliant. Um, so I do think that parents that they don't need more screen time guilt. They don't need to feel guilty about what they're doing and how they're doing it. I think that parents, they really need more structural support. And this is something that I've been advocating for for 15 years, where parents actually need um they need digital literacy, they need digital education, they need um safer community places where they can have their children play offline as well, offline and online. I think we it this is a we need a holistic solution. Everyone has to chip in, educators, governments, NGOs. And and I don't think it is impossible. I really believe that we can do it. And in fact, I know that we we're gonna do it because we have no other alternative. Uh technology is everywhere, and now we're looking at AI and trying to wonder, you know, figure that out. So I'm sure we're gonna get there.

SPEAKER_02 12:21

So, what I'd like to ask is as the first global head of parental advocacy at Roblox, you sit sort of a really interesting intersection between parents' platforms and children's digital lives. How is Roblox responding to concerns around persuasive design, addictive engagement, and risk of digital predators? And what role do you see platforms playing in supporting parents to navigate these risks?

SPEAKER_00 12:47

Yeah, no, I can definitely answer that question because that is at the heart of what I'm doing and and why um I'm there. And in fact, I really want to make it clear that my role was created proactively. So they've been thinking about this for years. It's it's not as a result of uh of any of the negative news or or the lawsuits or things that you're hearing about. It's something that they that Roblox had wanted to do beforehand because they realized that parents are the are the true partners here. So for me, what does that mean? I am charged really to help parents, caregivers, and and educators to give them those digital literacy skills to navigate not just Roblox, but you know, online spaces and other devices. So I think as a tech company, Roblox is really taking this seriously. You know, are there are there still is there still road to travel? Yes, there are still lots of things that have to continue to be done as technology gets better. Um, unfortunately, bad actors um are everywhere online and you know, the Roblox platform is no different than than any of the others, uh, social media or gaming. And so I think that one of the good things is that I've seen is that we've joined with other um, like that, for example, the tech coalition where we're partnering partnering with other tech industries to really come together to identify some of these bad actors so that way they can't just hop from from platform to platform. But I think, and this is something that I've believed uh the entire time that I've been doing this, is that at the end of the day as well, we don't want the while we want the tech company to be responsible for their products, we also want parents to, you know, have that shared partnership of how they want to raise their children. So there might be some parents of it of an eight-year-old uh who say, oh, well, you know, Roblox is fine. I've I've spoken to my child, they know to come to me, block mute, report, they understand. There might be parents of another eight-year-old who say, no way, this is not for my child right now. So my role is to give parents that understanding to demystify the platform, to reduce the fear and misinformation, to let them know what they can and can't do so that way they can make uh an informed decision. At the same time, as soon as we are uh seeing things, you know, we are pulling down, moderating. We have uh 24-hour AI moderation, human moderation. I mean, it's and this is now just because AI is available. So imagine what the next technology is going to bring to also help us um uh keep the platform safe.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

So that was really insightful, and I love how you explained that. It actually uh brings me to a point that I wanted to ask. Like with changing time, like you mentioned, uh during our parents' generation, technology wasn't nearly this present. There weren't screens everywhere, and childhood looked very different. So today, screens are all around us, and that's only going to increase as future generations become parents like us. So I've noticed this a lot while traveling on the tube. Children are often given iPads to keep them occupied or distracted. So, from your perspective, what kind of long-term impact can this early and frequent screen exposure have on children? If there's one digital habit that parents can start building today that will genuinely matter when their child becomes an adult, what would it be and why?

SPEAKER_00 16:14

Yeah, that's a that's a whole bunch of questions wrapped into one. So um let me go back to you. We're talking about seeing children on public transportation with screens. Yes, I see it myself. And I also see children at restaurants on screens, uh, when the parents are having dinner. And so, first I always say, no parent shaming. We have no idea what's happening in that family. Perhaps they're a family that has no technology whatsoever. And this one little metro station ride that's all of 15 minutes is their one time to watch CBBs or something like that. We don't know. And the same thing with dinner. You know, maybe this is the one time that the parents have to meet because, you know, they work in different places and and the children have not had screens at all. Usually this is not the case, but I'm saying let's, let's, you know, let's let's just take it as we as we see it. I think that for parents, you know, the one thing that they can do is to really um, you know, think about how they are giving the technology to their children. So it's it's more like, you know, we're not saying don't look at this, don't look at that, but you know, why do you think this is happening? We are trying to, and I and unfortunately, I wish I could say there was one, one specific thing because actually, no, now I'm thinking. If there is one, I would say it would be self-regulation. Yes, I would say self-regulation, because that way if your child is able to self-regulate, they'll know, you know, to stop when they've had enough, they'll know to set timers, they'll know that if their eyes start to hurt or or or or what what have you, that they should stop. So I think self-regulation is really important. But I also think that's so difficult because it's little people, right? So I think again, I'm going back and forth, back and forth. I think that um, you know, making the screens kind of a shared space, co-viewing it and co-playing, I think maybe that's something that could be helpful. And um, and actually the reason why I think that is so helpful is because you're you're entering into this online activity with them. You're entering their iPad world. Uh, you're seeing what they're seeing, and you're also able to use this as teachable moments, if you will. Um and so this way the screen will kind of become this shared space between you and your and your child, and it'll become a bridge, you know, to this connection rather than you sitting there, seeing them on their screen and saying, oh, you know, they're they're it's they're isolated. It's like, no, no, no, we can look at this together. Um, and you can do that, you know, whether it's the iPad, whether it's family movie night, whether it's watching TV. I mean, I really think that so much of what we can do uh uh with our children, co-viewing, co-playing, um, having conversations, critical thinking, it's funny, they all start with C's, but I didn't do that on a purpose. Just being curious about what they're doing online. Um, those are the things that are going to genuinely matter when children become an adult.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

So moving further, what I'm actually eager to know as you are a parent yourself alongside all the other roles you're incredibly playing. Is there any digital parenting advice you have received that stands a true testament of time in a truly evolving world?

SPEAKER_00 19:31

Oh my gosh, yes. Uh the one thing that I have been saying from the very beginning is don't panic, parent. That is the one thing that I think has stayed true in that it doesn't matter if the technology changes. When I first started this 15 years ago, or even when I was first was looking at my PhD 20 years ago, um, you know, we were afraid of different things and we reacted, but we still have to parent our children. Then it became cyberbullying, you know, well, don't panic, you still have to parent your child. Then it became, you know, sexting, don't panic, parent. Then uh now it's AI, right? You know, deep fakes, don't panic, parent. It's always the the same, um, where we as parents and caregivers, we want what is best for our children. We want them to grow up to be healthy and happy and contributing members to society. And I think that um when you keep that in mind and you're parenting them and you're walking them through some of the experiences that they're having online, when you're teaching them to be resilient, when you're teaching them how to reduce risk, um that for me is the most successful thing that you can do as a parent. And again, that's not to panic, it's to parent.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

That's really interesting. I think that brings us to a question about what age should parents start having conversations about online risks like manipulation or predatory behavior? And how can they do so without causing fear?

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Yes, I think that um the important question here is not at what age, but at where the child's development is, what is their capacity? Um and I say this because um my niece has Down syndrome. So even though she is older, um, you know, I might have to have a conversation with her that is developmentally appropriate for them. When I would go into schools and talk with kids as little as five years old and ask them about things online, obviously I was not asking them about predators or grooming or anything like that. I would ask them, have you ever seen anything or experienced anything that made your tummy feel icky, that made you feel a little sick? And the kids would answer. They, you know, they they can identify those feelings. And so I think you just have to be really sensitive and know that you're talking to children. Uh, you don't want to scare them. And so you just ask them about their feelings and um and they will answer. You know, if you ask them, uh, you know, did how do you feel after being On the iPad, you know, do you have a headache? What is your back? How's your tummy? They'll tell you. They'll raise their hands and they'll say, Oh yeah, my eyes hurt, my thumbs hurt. It's really eye-opening. It's only when parents ask these questions that they that they can learn.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

Well, that was quite informative. And I think I learned a lot about how to raise and regulate an eye pet kid today. So, um, Dr. Elizabeth, what do you think? And what are your final thoughts on to this conversation?

SPEAKER_00 22:30

Well, I before I even tell you my final, final thoughts, I would say that I am so impressed that the two of you are asking these questions, that you're doing this research, um, because this is what's needed for the future generations. We need to keep that curiosity and critical thinking going. Uh, you need to keep pushing back, you need to keep asking uh the people who are doing jobs like mine, you know, ask, ask us the tough questions we may not always be able to answer, but please continue to ask because that accountability is huge. But I would say that for a little summary of everything that we've been talking about about how to raise and regulate an iPad kid, um, I think that it's really important that parents and caregivers uh remember that children uh today are growing up with constant digital exposure. And with that digital exposure, there's also digital pressure where they need to know what the latest games are, what the latest um shows are. And iPads and tablets in general, they're shaping how they learn and play and they interact with the world. And I think one of the things as a parent and caregiver is that you're also a digital guardian. And you need to remember that smart apps and devices are quietly collecting your child's data. And this can some raise some concerns for privacy, for profiling, for online safety. So as a digital guardian, get into those dashboards, get into those parental controls, and really make sure that you understand um online safety and privacy. And I would say that um we hear a lot about screen time. And for me, I would like to take the the focus off the quantity and put the focus on the quality. You know, what is your child watching is more important than how long are they watching. So um look at some of the things like the design features, look at the things that are impacting their attention. Is there something that's like keeping them on that endless scroll? Parents have the ability to take control. And I do think that I'd say my final point is that lastly, even though can convenience can can slowly, slowly turn into kind of surveillance, you know, where we have all these um digital systems that are monitoring and profiling, influencing our children's lives, you are still more important than the technology and the platform and that you can still um you know be involved. It's as simple as, you know, how was we we ask our children anyway, how was your day-to-day? And we can also ask them, how was your online day? And I do not do not ever want to put all of the the burden on parents, uh, but show a little interest. You'll you might be surprised at what your children come up with.

SPEAKER_02 25:08

I really like that actually. How was your online day is really fascinating. I think with all that, it's safe to say um parents, educators, and policymakers must work together to create healthy digital habits and ensure tech companies uphold ethical and legal responsibilities towards young users.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

Agreed. 1000%. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 25:31

Well, there's a lot to think about from today's episode, and I hope it gives you something useful to carry forward. And with all that's left to say, is a massive thank you to our guests for joining us for today's episode. Thoughts, feedback, and questions are all very welcome. Thank you for listening.