Straight Outta Knee Surgery

We're checking in with the newest member of the bionic knee club and just three days out of knee replacement surgery Jemima brings us hospital stories, inspiration, laughs and a little "slam" poetry. This episode is sure to make you smile. Which is good, because our last episode probably didn't.

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  I told you my poem that I wrote. You didn't, I didn't hear that poem. Oh, it's pretty funny.

All right. I'm. I am ready to be slain by poetry. It's a poetry slam. Let's go. Sorry.

 I wrote this in the hospital. Don't you just lose time when you're in the hospital.  big time? Like you just don't know which way's up.  It's almost like being in Vegas except it's not as fun. That's funny. And you're restricted to your bed.

Yeah.

Nurse Kate. So one of the nurses names was Kate, nurse Kate, and my lovely roommate and I were having a convers. Does anybody sleep pleasantly? The night before surgery, I asked, my roommate, said, emphatically, no, at least not me. I was not surprised when Nurse Kate surmised nor the week after. And our conversation ended in laughter.

That's cute. So apparently she's  a traveling nurse and they have something called the Daisy Award that you can get for being a good nurse. So I tagged Tri-State, which is a hospital I was in with that poem, so she could. Brag about it or whatever. Okay. Okay. Wait. My last trip to the hospital, my nurse was a traveling nurse too.

No way.  And the ho my, the hospital I was in was called Tri-City. Yeah. Whoa, that's weird.

Wow. That's crazy. That's so funny. Similar. Yeah, I thought it was similar experiences, yeah, I guess we'll do a little plug.

Welcome everyone to Butterflies and bravery. This is gonna be our quick little catch up because Miss Jemima is just returned from her surgery. So we're talking about the experience she's been dealing with. And  we have a couple little updates. Just wanted to say hi to everybody cuz we haven't been exactly consistent with our podcasts when they're coming out.

But We're doing our best.  Couple life things going on, yeah, just a couple. Just a couple. Oh my goodness. You were saying about how difficult it is to get around. When I had my partial hysterectomy 

 Going to the bathroom. The biggest ordeal,  the biggest ordeal. Anything that has to do with your, anything between your diaphragm and your genitals trying to go to the bathroom, pee, or even just pee was just, Oh ow.

And it's scary too. It's scare Cause what is falling apart in there? What? What if they something wrong  I told you that I had the fight of my life with my doctor to, to keep my cervix. Yeah, I told you about that. She was telling me how when they remove the uterus and they remove the cervix, the only thing that's left is your vaginal canal.

Sorry if we're grossing anybody out, so , okay, but. So what do you do? Then she's they just stitch up the end. But then what do you, okay, so you stitch up the end, but then what do you connect it to? And she's there are these like tendons that are there.

And sometimes depending on people's anatomy, they can be attached to these tendons that are there flipping tubes or whatever. But what if there's not? You just it, you just leave it. And she's yeah. So you just have your vaginal canal inside of, they're like flapping around like one of those like things at the car, wacky, wild waving arm, flailing tube, just flapping around there, attached to nothing.

No ab fucking completely not. No, you're gonna, I'm gonna keep my. Cervix because she was like if you take out your cervix then, you don't have to worry about getting cancer. And I was just , how does that make any sense? It's a part of my body.

And there's a reason it's there and there's things that it matters, including your sex life that it matters too. And she's you just won't get cancer. Do you wanna just remove my breasts in case I get cancer there? You wanna take out parts of my throat in case I get cancer?

Why would you fucking remove parts of yourself just in case you get cancer? Simply because you're inside of there. You wanna you don't you're not suggesting you remove my, my stomach or my, my. What, why would you suggest it? I'm sitting there looking at her do you not even see the misogyny of this?

Does it not register that this is a practice? From years and years of misogyny where people like women don't matter. Their inner, body parts don't matter. Their sexual life doesn't matter. Their sexual pleasure doesn't matter. We'll just remove it since we're in there because it's easier.

She was like then  you're gonna have to have top surgery. You're gonna have to have we're gonna go in through your abdomen.  That's okay. I'll have a scar and I'll have my cervix. She's then you're gonna have to get pap smears every couple years.

And I was like every other woman out there yes that's good. I think I had four different meetings with her to Discuss this and every single time she kept trying to convince me. She's cuz then we can just go and, vaginally and remove everything.

No. No. What? You're trying to convince me to remove a body part just so that's easier for you. You're kidding me. Yeah. Oh man. I tell you that's what it was. It was, I.

Whenever you go online and people from Europe or Australia, any modern westernized country that has actually decent healthcare, nobody can believe what goes on here in the States. Nobody can believe. And it was already bad and it's just gotten worse, at a really fast pace.

I can't believe you had an entire body part replaced by, is it metal? What do you It's partial. There's metal in the middle. And then plastic, a plastic mixture thing on the outside. Yeah. And then there's a little kind of cookie thing in the middle of it that is makes for the cushion.

Yeah. Not only that though, but the other lady that was in the room with me, she had this total knee replacement also. But she didn't have a torn meniscus, a torn acl, l a gigantic cyst. All she had was severe arthritis and bone on bone, so she didn't even need any pain pills the whole time we were in there.

She didn't take any pain pills at all. She's yeah, no, it doesn't hurt. I'm sitting there going, what the fuck? And they're yeah, yours was much worse because of the, and I'm sitting there going why'd you only get me Perk fives then more than five milligram s if my surgery was that bad?

That's insane. The whole mentality of we don't wanna get anyone hooked on drugs because of what happened, the history. But that's just literally poor. If you gave people proper care, you could give them proper pain medication, and proper medication to get 'em off pain medication.

No. Yeah. That's like I don't wanna have to teach my kid, I won't send them to school.

It's very stupid, and I'm sorry for any of us that have to deal with pain because of that stupid. Yeah. But you're through it. That's the best, that's the best news of all. Yeah. Do you feel relief yet, or is it not hit yet? That Oh my God, it's, what you've been waiting for months and months is here and over.

Yeah, a little bit. I'm more now just waiting to not feel so, so shitty. I bet. I bet. I'm, I can get to the bathroom by myself. Nice. I was actually a very naughty person in the hospital. They were shocked because I got up and went to the, to. I'm all  I need a pee. And they're okay.

And they bring a commode and put it by my bed and the lady turns around and says, you gotta get these straps on you so you don't fall. And she turns around and I'm already on the toilet. This is four hours after surgery. I'm getting out of bed and sitting on the toilet. He's whoa, you're already up and on the toilet.

Yeah. What the fuck? We're very my, this filled the whole thing. And it was touching my butt. Ew, that's a terrible. Yeah, and then I had to poo the next morning and I'm sitting on this commode trying to figure out how to get my

in the middle commode.

Oh, no. Yeah, I didn't do good. I missed it. Made a huge mess and yeah. And then I was just standing there in front of my roommate, just cleaning myself up and having a conversation with her.

Oh my God.

You're totally gonna be that old lady that's I don't give a flying fuck. Yep. Nobody in the hospital could believe we had the curtain open the whole time we were in there. Both of us just showing each other our backsides. They're putting a catheter in her legs spread open curtain's, fine.

There you go. You're we're friends now. This is fun. Ha. Have you ever seen a backside before? We're just, we're but just a bunch of old ladies in here. I know. All these nurses have seen plenty of backsides. Yeah. People get the, people get so wound up about literally nothing with that stuff.

Yeah. My aunt, I texted my aunt and made some comment about, oh no, using the restroom. I've already shocked the nurses using the commode with no assistance. Can't keep Robinson down. She says what? Respecting Robinson would do their business with an audience.

Oh my what? And then she goes, it's just an inconvenience. Of course my mom's answer to that was, I don't think she's ever had a bone replaced. I was so shocked when my mom told me she hadn't had that bar pub though. And then I started putting it all together and I was like, holy fucking shit.

That makes so much fucking. Because Yeah, because she wasn't DIO right? Technically she wasn't because she was  living on her own.  Out of a home Exactly. At that time. So DIO stood for, Dio, stood for disciples only, which, which basically meant you were in a commune.

And then turf supporters. Yeah. I forget what turf stands for. T R f TI tithing report form. I think tithing report form. I believe so  that makes sense because it was all about money. Yes. Always, to be honest not turf.

The way that turf is nowadays. No. Yeah. But dude that oh my God. And then she, cuz she was yeah, I had no idea that stuff was happening to you. And I'm didn't you read the letter? And she's no, I've never even heard of that letter. Yeah. I was telling her about it. Don't you remember the letter?

No, I never read that letter. She's if I had read that letter. And seeing  what they wrote, ev almost every single, almost every single case, she's I would've fucking gone and got you out of there. I had no idea. That must have been nice to hear a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she was, she's extremely  regretful and apologetic. She's I don't see how I could have been so blind. Why was I so stupid? But that's how I felt too about what happened to my kid. That happened on my own fucking roof.

How would I have not known? Yeah. What the fuck is wrong with me? Yeah. I, yeah, but that's how it goes. Yeah, it is. It is. And mom's, even when I. Every time I've met your mom, my, my impression has always been that she's got a lot going on. She's like a million places all the time.

That's adhd. So she only sleeps for four or five hours a night, and she's 75 and she goes a hundred fucking miles an hour. Yeah. Yeah. That's a woman that's gonna, as they say in the Midwest, gonna die in her tractor. For real. She's she gets around better than me still.  Maybe now that I'm bionic, I'll be better. Yeah. It'll probably be nice. You're going to feel like a million bucks once you're back up walking and all that. Dude, my leg is long and straight. So weird. I'm walking and I'm  why is this leg so goddamn long?

Oh. Cause I walked around for 20 years looking like it was fucking broken. Oh my God, that's so funny. So weird. My whole body and hips and legs are all aching so bad from the adjustment. The whole change Yeah. Is just weird. I, yeah, and I gotta get all new. Because I've been walking wrong for years.

Oh so what's what, in different shoes? In what way? What kind? Different shoes.  I can't wear, I'm not supposed to wear any of the shoes that I was wearing all the time because I couldn't hold my leg straight. Yeah. So my foot was turned out like this.

Yep. So  the wearing of the souls and everything is wrong. Yeah. So if you put your foot back into that afterwards and then try to walk straight, it's gonna be more painful. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, that's like my bone from my knee to my foot is turned a little bit.

Yeah, a couple other people in my family have it. My brother was actually braces for a while, if I turn my two feet forward and try to walk straight, my knee, my right knee is turned inward. It's really weird. And Yeah, because I'll have the one foot turned out and the way that my shoes wear down is not great.

It's not. I was gonna say that. You've always walked like that. Ever since I remember. Yeah. Yeah, I have the one foot turned out a little bit. It's so funny too cuz Tim is also pigeon toed. Yes, he is.

Yeah. It's funny. So I've always joked that I definitely would have a bad time trying to.

if I ever wanna get on the slope, it's gonna have to be with a snowboard. Cause skiing is not gonna happen. Yeah. I actually wanna go snowboarding now cause I used to really enjoy that. Oh my God. And we should, and  the good thing with the snowboard too, is you can turn your binding, you can adjust the binding to fit your.

So if your foot is turned out like that, you can just turn the binding and you can just go right down the mountain. Exactly. Yeah. And it's already it's gonna be a little bit natural to the way that my body already works already. Oh my gosh. Do you remember the first time we went up together, crystal Mountain?

Of course I do. Oh my God. That is still like one of the most I don't know magical moments like I've ever had in my life. When we went up there, and it was the first time I'd ever been to any type of ski, obviously, we grew up overseas, like any type of ski resort,  was incredible.

And I went up there and I was like, oh my God, I wanna live here.

We had such a good time and yeah, you got soup. What you got? Soup. Yeah, you got soup when we were in the ski lodge. Oh, I don't remember the soup. I remember the shots. That was the first

those guys that were  oh, let's buy you girls some shots. And then , what do you want? And we got we got Patron. We got the Silver Patron. And I  I just took the shot and just downed it. Both the guys were. Are you sure you've never done that before?

I was like, no. What? Oh my God. It was so funny.

 That's one thing about growing up in a cult and having no experiences as a young person, our experiences are happening when you're older and everybody around you. What? You're weird. Yeah, exactly. I remember the first time I had a shot, I was 30 something. Yeah, it was. That was 20 years ago. Yeah. It was about 20 years ago. Cause it was Right. I had only met Tim just shortly before that. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. I was even up there with him and Tony. And Matt? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Yeah. That was ear, that was crazy. That was early on for sure.

That was so memorable for me that trip and the drive up there just one of the most beautiful drive. Oh my God. Cause I've not really seen snow, not been around snow. Just, Breathtaking. The, the forest and the snow. Oh. It was like we were driving on a postcard.

It was so cool. And now I live in one. Yeah. You do. Do you have ski watches around there nearby you guys? There's one up in Greenville. Oh, okay. Very cool. They have a tub. A tubing thing also. Ooh, that would be so fun. Yeah. Oh my. Tim and I were talking about going maybe next winter, because he'll have his ablations done so he won't be hurting so much.

So he could probably snowboard and then I'll have my knee done so I could probably snowboard. Nice. Oh my God. I should come

for. All as old people. We've had all our surgeries.  I dunno, just getting old things sucks. It does. I'm not a fan. I am not a fan. Me neither. Not a bit. It's difficult.  I don't think anybody really, necessarily enjoys getting. But I think for us cult kids, cult, raising a cult, I think there's just like a little bit of extra sort of loss attached to it because we never even had our youth, and once you get up to a certain age, you can't not, you can't, but there's less opportunities for  going out and just.

Being wild and crazy and being a young person and we had to give all of, we never had any of that or, then we were having kids. And so yeah, there's just, I think there's just a little bit more loss attached to our aging than, probably most people. Yeah.

But don't worry, we're gonna keep doing kid stuff till we're , That's true. That is true. We are, oh my goodness. That's so funny. That's one of the ways that I figured out how narcissists spot their prey. They look for people that find joy in small things of life because they know that they haven't experienced them.

And that shows naivety. So for example, people are, what do I have a scarlet letter on my head or something? Yeah. Basically you do because you see something, you're oh my God, that's so cool and so fun. Where everybody else is okay, and we've seen that a hundred times. Narcissist sees that instantly.

Boom, there's my prey. Interesting. That makes sense. Yeah. I thought about that a while ago  cuz people are always  how do they know? How do they know? That's how they know. That's how they know. Yeah, because you have childish joy and tiny things that other people do not appreciate, and that instantly shows lack of experience in the real world, and that shows that you're probably gonna be a good target.

Good. Yeah. Good theory, huh? Yeah, I think that's probably some of it for sure. Because I was how I'm picturing the scenes and trying to figure out how, and then I was duh. If somebody's oh, can I buy you a shot? And you're what do you mean? What's a shot? Do you're trying to kill me with a gun.

Oh, boom. Good target. You have no idea what drinking is. Let's get you drunk. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And the overt kindness too, It's pretty easy  for people who are narcissists or cruel in any way, it's pretty easy. Once they, start talking to somebody, they're gonna right away test boundaries. So they're gonna find out really easily and really quickly if you don't have good boundaries. And that's, that's another.

Let's jump on that one. Yeah. I only have to ask you like one question. Where were you born? Boom. Good. Target. How's, how is, oh, are your parents still together? Boom. Get target, simple. Just questions like that. They don't have to be oh, were you abused?

Yeah, I was reading something earlier today about, and about trauma and the thing I was reading this therapist, she was saying the essence of trauma care and trauma therapy is finding safety. That's the root of it. Yesterday was the trans day of visibility.

And for my organization, I was wanting to do some studying, finding trans voices  that have also been in the human trafficking world . And there's this actress, and she was  in the TV show pose and in 2019, she was named, one of the hundred influential people, time Magazine . And then she got an article in L magazine and she was on the cover. And when they did that interview, she ended.

Revealing that she had actually been a victim of human trafficking. She was a survivor when she was young because she was born Jehovah's Witness, so Dun cult. And they didn't all, didn't allow her to, to transition, she, they wanted her to stick to her assigned gender at birth and.

So she ended up  in foster care. She grew up in foster care and when she was 16, she was so desperate to transition. She found a group online.

A group of people online that were , yes, we're gonna help you get the money for your hormones. And then, they basically ended up trafficking her for several years and she was absolutely trapped in a situation where the choices that were in front of her. Awful. It was just one hell or another hell. But she ended up out of that life and she ended up, becoming a model. She was on the Louis Vuitton runway in Paris and then got the job as an actress. Success everywhere, right?

She's all over the place. Time Mag, hundred most influential people. She has, she's all this success. She's beautiful. Just incredibly beautiful. And when they were talking to her after she'd shared her trauma, she said, all I really am is just someone who's looking to be free and safe. And it really hit me this is a woman who has incredible success talk about survivor to thriver, 

and yet she still finds herself sometimes in that place where, It's scared that she's gonna lose her safety and lose her freedom because of the way that she grew up. So trauma therapy is feeling safe and what you need to feel safe. It's boundaries. Boundaries is what keeps you safe. And trauma, especially as a child, especially, C P T S D and abuse that has started so young. Trauma that has started, at such a young age. It is, what's gonna break down,  ability to have boundaries from the very beginning, it's what? Tears down boundaries. And we're left with having to teach ourselves, teach ourselves how to make boundaries and keep boundaries so that we can feel safe again. But like you said, I mean it, so many people who don't have safe boundaries, who are, in, living life in awe and.

And joy at the little things become targets for, really toxic people. So you're trying to learn boundaries and you're trying to teach yourself that healing. Find those boundaries that are keeping you safe all the while, often in the midst. Really toxic people who have come into your world and come into your life.

So it is not easy what we do at all. Smoke alarm was going off the what was going off? Smoke alarm. Oh no,

that noise is awful. Yeah. I don't wanna keep you up for too long. We posted our last podcast, our last episode called Flirty Little Teens, where we read the flirty Little Teens Beware publication from the cult.

We actually didn't do a big announcement on it just cuz everything that was going on. But if you haven't, I didn't even, I didn't even know it got published apparently. I was  published. What? So yes, we've got it together. Don't worry about us. We're together, we're professionals.

No, I'm sorry. We're not professionals.  If you haven't listened to it yet, if you haven't had a chance to listen to it, definitely go out and check it out. But I would say do so with safety , keeping your. S safe in the environment or at the time that you're able to do it?

Cuz it is triggering it, it just is gonna be I'll be honest, it was actually harder for me to read and listen to that than it was the stumbling block, the burn. Publication because that one was very validating of oh my God, they knew, and they've been gaslighting us all these years, so there's a certain element of validation and relief in reading something like that.

But then reading and flirted, little teens beware  it can put you back a little bit into that space of shame  even though mentally, even though mentally and logically you can say. We're not to blame the vic, a victim is not to blame, but emotionally, when you've lived in those spaces that were so confusing Yeah.

And felt so awful. It's easy to, it just for me it reminded me of some of those feelings and some of those emotions  that we went through at the time and I, remember very vividly reading that publication. So definitely have a listen if you'd like to. But just, with caution that it's a lot.

It's a lot. It was for me.   The other podcast that we're gonna be publishing along with this one is, Interview that we had with Cult Vault and our podcast is actually up on it's Cult Vault, published it yesterday.

Yep. And yeah, I've actually, I had a few people write to me already and said, oh yeah, you too, me too. I was kinda surprised. I was how did, wait, how did you know? Oh, wow. You must follow their podcast. That's cool. Yeah. I was  dude, nice. It really is. It really is. It's great. That's good.

So if you haven't listened to it yet, or if you don't listen to cult Volt. We'll be publishing it on our platform as well with gratefulness and excitement that we got interviewed by such a lovely human. Yeah. Yeah, have a checkout. Listen to those podcasts and we will always thank you for doing so.

We are always grateful for when you show up and listen to our craziness vO show, appreciate every single one of our listeners. Oh yeah. And in the hospital I met this really cool lady named Rook, like a bishop and a rook on a chess board. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.  And she came from the cafeteria cuz they let you order food in the hospital. What do you want to eat?

Then for some reason I made some comment about growing up in a cult and she goes, oh my God. So did I was  wait, what? Her parents moved her onto a commune right here locally when she was six years old. Oh my  yeah. So I told her to the podcast. Yeah. And then later on that day, a few hours later  I give her a.

The diamond art feathers that I'd been doing. Yeah. And  so she came back to get my dinner order and I was  oh, Luke, here's a feather. She's I've already got your podcast saved.  Oh my God, that's so cool. No, that's, that is really cool. So she might even show up in group too, because I told her about the chat group flower.

Oh my gosh. That's amazing. That's so cool. Yeah. Yeah. I thought so too.  I had a long drive and I was listening to a podcast that I never listened to before. A little bit culty. Yeah. Which is a big, I know that's a big podcast.

There's a lot of, financing and production behind it, which is, it's great. And I just listened to their most recent episode, 

they were interviewing someone who was their production assistant, who had actually, I guess he'd been there with them for as long as they'd  started the podcast, and I didn't know this, but the couple that does a little bit culty is they were in the vow that came. The vow, yeah.

I didn't realize that. But the producer that they were talking to, he also grew up in an evangelical,  he was very respectful in the sense he was saying I, it's not exactly,  the same type of cult as  you,

but it was still  very  tough growing up in that. Yeah. In that space. And as he started talking, he ended up saying that do you know that TV show The Righteous Gemstones? Oh, you don't know. Okay. There's a TV show called The Righteous Gemstones.

It's a really funny TV show. And it was based off of his  cult. And I watched that show because it's funny and it's somewhat irreverent. But never imagining I always thought it was this exaggerated picture he was  no, that's that's what life was like.

That's insane. She was talking to him and said, this is the golden age of cult exposure.  That's crazy to put it that way, the golden age of cult exposure. And I see what she's saying.

It's true. People are coming outta the woodwork now. Like people are finally, the shame of these things are dropping away and people are finding their voice and it's incredible. It's incredible. But again it's put me back into that head space of how much more important it is going to be that we can identify the children raised in cults as a separate entity from the people who join cults.

And I'm not making a judgment call  just simply saying that our experiences are not the same. It's just not the same. That's like saying oh, somebody who grew up in Hungary had the same experience as someone else who grew up in Hungary. That's not how it works.

Yes, we might have been in the same place. We might have, been in a cult, but somebody who joined and somebody who was born into it and knew no other life is very different and. And that needs to be identified. And the more that people are coming out and talking about cults, the more that people are exposing these things, which is great and super important, but the more so we need to differentiate.

Don't lump us in. Don't lump us in in that same place. Cuz we didn't join. Yeah, we did not join. We were there without choice. And I just think  it matters. It really matters because it matters, what kind of services we can get, what kind of help we can get, and more importantly, what kind of, healing we can get.

What kind of, how things are approached through therapy and, even the healing modalities that we can access, it's gonna be different and we just have different needs and. I'm starting to feel fanatical about it.

Our voice is different and our needs are different. And the world needs to know it. It's not just oh, the, people are knowing more about cults. People that's, that is important. Yes. People need to understand the coercive environment of cults.

Yes. But people also need to see, The victims the children born into those cults and growing up in a life prisoners of war. Yep. This is the best way that we've ever, this is the best explanation we've ever had. We're born as prisoners of war knowing no other life, and it's so important that we can bring that distinct.

Forward and make it clear as we go into this, golden age of cult exposure. Yep. So I'm really grateful. I'm really grateful for the place that. We have and where we are. And our little podcast, it's we've trapped along, we're coming up second year.

Jesus, that's exciting coming up for our second year, but I think, I feel like I have more boldness of standing up and being a voice in this, in this arena of. Children of cults, we need to stand up and speak out,  yep. For sure.

So I'm excited. I'm really hoping that we can make something happen and going to the the conference that we're going to. Yeah. And. Starting to speak up more and be ready for that. My organization we have a fundraiser coming up and my boss came and said, Whisper, don't, do not feel pressured whatsoever, completely what you're comfortable with.

But would you like to give a presentation at, at this fundraiser and talk about your story? And without hesitation, yes. And I can I tell you that has never been my frame of mine. I, never, that's never been me that I would that.  Immediately was  yes, I need yes, I wanna talk to people.

Yes, I wanna tell my story. Yes, people need to know I've done it before  but there's always been that, that fear, there's the fear, there's the shame, there's the  what are people gonna think of me? But that's gone because no, people need to know.

People need to see the reality of this, because not only do we speak for children born in a cult, but on an elemental level, we also speak for familial trafficked children. Yeah, absolutely. Cause we're, because it's so hidden.

It's so silent. Yeah. So I will absolutely fucking talk  about familial trafficking. I'm ready. A hundred percent. But it's good. We've found our footing in some ways, where we are right now. But it's also time to go.

Let's go. Let's make this bigger. Let's make our voices louder. I absolutely love and support our community. The other, kids born into the children of God, where it's a, it's not only a somewhat unique experience, but as it's been said by professionals and experts, that was the worst experience, the worst cult to be, to grow up in.

So it's a community that's  it's so important to hear our stories and it's so important to talk about that, but being able to talk to other people born in cults and other people, coming out and telling their story we're hearing over and over from them thank you.

 Our voices are coming out. We have a platform, we have a place, we have a, way to start telling our stories. And it's just been very, it's been an honor. It's just continues to be an honor To, to be in that, world where we're yeah let's speak up.

Come on everybody, let's speak up. And handing around the megaphone because it's it's so important. Yes, ma as you can see, little little excited about things right now. That's good. That's awesome.

I think the more people that talk, the more people that will gain their bravery to speak about as well. And then the more people are aware and the more we can do to help. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. All right, beautiful. Nice ball. I love you very much. I love you. How are you feeling? You ready for some sleep. Yeah, we gotta go potty. It's gonna be a whole big production.

I know, you're so much stronger than you probably realize, and I know you're gonna bounce back quickly. You just, what? You just had the surgery what, three days ago? Wednesday morning? Yeah. Yeah. And you're already here recording with me, so Yeah.

You're incredible. Yeah. And we're gonna be in group tomorrow, right? Yep. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. So I gotta set my alarm. I'll bug you too, if I don't hear from you. Yeah. If you don't see me, please bother me. I will. But I have a alarm. And then I'll set one more at 8:50 AM when I have to, wake up at in a really unusual time, I'll set three or four alarms and I'll put a different sound for each of them.

My first alarm is something really soft and airy and then, by the third alarm it's gangster paradise.

Get up. Don't.

All right.  Stay brave and remember that every butterfly was once a caterpillar.

That's right. Even the ones that had knee surgery. Yep. Just a little fake butterfly part. Tim's idea is really cool to make the knee scar, the body of the butterfly, and then put a huge butterfly on my knee. I didn't hear that idea. That's cool.

That is a cool idea. Yeah. How. You have a scar, like it's from the top, like what is it? Like about eight inches or something? Yeah, it's eight or nine inch incision they says. Have you looked at it yet? No. I'll send you a picture  I can't take the bandaid off until I go see the doctor on April 11th.

What? Yeah. I know. You seriously want me to keep the same fucking bandaid on for what? That doesn't seem good. That's what I thought too. I'm sitting there looking at the dried up blood okay. Oh yeah, the, but they said that the dressing over it is waterproof, so they wrap you with an ACE bandage and they're you can take off the ACE bandage, but don't take off the dressing underneath until you come and see me.

Okay, that's so I'm supposed to like shower with it on and stuff. I haven't. To get into the shower yet, but maybe soon.