#49ers in 2026 Will Suck If NOT Healthy.. MikE EvanS signed, #GREENlaw BACK!!

49ers get older, now what....

are they supposed to better??

or will they suffer the same fate as last injury plagues season?

Time will tell.....

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:25

Well, well, well. Debs are fucking kicked. We've already been over that. Since then. Recently. These motherfuckers. They lost to the Chicago Bulls. And then before that, they lost to the Utah Jazz in Utah. They lost to Chicago at Chase. How's that that game? Motherfuckers were up eight with like a minute and a half. And lost. Garbage. Someone take out the fucking trash. I fucking told y'all. War is it cooked? Some fucking high-end curry cooked. And they reevaluated curry on Wednesday too. We'll have to reevaluate him in another ten days. Motherfucker's gonna miss another five games. The hell is going on out there? My Vince Lombardi voice. Speaking of Vince Lombardi. Niners, this one, bitch. This is pretty much not to talk to them, motherfuckers. Motherfucker. You're San Francisco 49ers. Free agency hits. And boy, it hits like a high end bomb. I don't even know what the high-end bong is these days. Is it still a roar? There's some ice in that bitch. Get ready for this rip. Free agency Niners signed Mike Evans. The ninety-nine year old Mike Evans from the Tampa Bay University Buccaneers. Eight years too motherfucking late 49ers What's up with these motherfuckers signing old ass players? And then be like, oh, we got most injuries. It's because of them EMTs or DTs or electronic waves from the power source near the training facility. Oh no. No, motherfucker. It's cause all your players are old as shit. I will admit though, I was kind of surprised when I read an article and seeing Dike Evans is only 33 years old, but he an old ass 33. He got the hairline of a 53-year-old motherfucker. Or maybe 43-year-old. Shouldn't be so mean. But damn. Damn. So here you go. Old ass Mike Evans. And what's he gonna do? Besides get the fuck hurt. And where are the Niners at? The same place they were at last year. If they don't stay healthy, I guess. Maybe they'll stay healthy. I don't know. Prognosis negative, though. It's not looking good, folks. And then they're gonna lose fucking Trent Williams. Fuck that. Fuck signing his ass for a $30 million dollar contract, though. I mean, offensive line is important, but he owed his shit too. And then he does have durability, though. I did have to write an article on that motherfucker, and I was like, oh damn. Motherfucker's pretty durable. Although he always seems injured, but he's durable. He beat me hurt getting hurt in the games and come back in. He's like big up top, but then he got them little chicken legs. And he got quick ass feet too for a big motherfucker. Hate to see him go. But that's what happens when you sign Brock Purdy to a fucking $250 million contract when you handcuff everything else. Everything. O-line, D-line, wide receiver. You know who we did with sign though? Eddie Pinero. The kicker. Four-year deal. Niner fans though. When's the last time you can say you felt comfortable on your kicker? I guess it'd be before Moody, right? So Robbie Gold and fucking Bill Dawson. Who else do we have? Joe Nedney. We had some legendary kickers. Don't remember Jose Cortez. But yes, Eddie P, man. Too bad it's not Eddie D. That's the real problem with the Niners. We don't got Eddie D running shit. A motherfucker who don't care to break rules, make sacrifices, even if that means it's himself. But yeah, Eddie Pinero, four years. So Niner fans, don't feel like you have to be worried about having a kicker for the next three seasons after this one. It's exciting. And another big one. Another one. Ha ha ha. Guess who's back? Back again. Not just me. Jay is back. Back again. That's right, bitches. Dre Greenlaw is back. Linebacker. Gonna be playing with Fred Warner again. General Broncos didn't want to stick to their three-year deal. First year didn't I guess didn't go so well last year. So the Broncos are like, bye! Released. Picked up and signed by the Niners. So let's see if he can stay fucking healthy. I mean, last time he was on the team, he went to the Super Bowl, and then he tried to play in the Super Bowl and popped his shit. Let's hope he doesn't pop his shit. And we're in the Super Bowl again. Fucking shit up. And hopefully winning. Because I'm tired of losing. Going to losing Super Bowls. Fuck. Dre Greenlaw, the man is back. If you don't know who he is, fuck you. He's the one who made the goal line stand in Seattle his rookie year. To send the Niners with a number one seed. And eventually have them win out in the West and make it to the Super Bowl. That during Greenlaw. That was the second time. Was it? Yeah. Wasn't it? Miami? Wasn't that then? Yeah, I think that was the Miami one. Oh man. I lose so much lately. I can't keep track. It's in SoFi next year, too. House the horrors, man. Usually the Niners were on that winning game, eight-game winning streak when they were whooping up the Rams left and right, running them up in their own field and shit when the Niners actually have home field advantage in LA. That's what it's gonna be this year. So we'll see. We'll see for sure. Niners though. What do y'all think? What do y'all think? Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Jennings, still a fucking free agent. He might come back. Don't know though. Kendrick Bourne, gone. He was here and then he was gone. That guy's a baller, so we're gonna miss him. But Niners! 2026. Projected outlook. Not so good. Old as shit. Funny thing is, Mike Gemonzo, before he signed or decided to sign with the Niners, the article came out. I think it was today or yesterday. He said he wanted to go to a team that was a contending team to win it all. You know who the biggest cheerleader was for him to come over? I'll give you a second to think about it. Why I like this joint. Just kidding. It's a switcher. My answer is George Kittle, bitch. George Kittle was the biggest salesperson to get Mike Evans to sign with the Niners. Who would have thought? Mike Evans said he hung out with some of these dudes during the Pro Bowl and shit. And he figured this would be the team to help him take his career all the way to extend his legacy to just not just great, greatness. Or the great test. And he's a great receiver, don't get me wrong, but I feel like this trade is like two or three, four years too late. And honestly, if he's like Jerry Rice was on the Niners, right? Rice should have been on the Niners no matter fucking what. Shouldn't have retired a Niners, shouldn't have played with Denver, the Broncos, Seahawks. Bruh. Or the Raiders. Just like Montana. Shouldn't have been a fucking queef. But what can you do? Evans also said he thought he was the missing piece. The Niners were missing last year in the playoffs, even with all their injuries. Just imagine if this team stays healthy all around, all together. I don't know about that potential, right? Because everything always looks good on paper, right? Shoot, the Warriors look good on paper this season. And then Renner's knee happens. So Niners season. I don't know. I have to think about this one. Gotta see how the draft goes, honestly. They got their wide receiver. They traded for an offensive, well no actually a defensive tackle with the Dallas Cowboys. Some dude Osa something. I don't want to fuck up his name, dude. Be an asshole. Um so Niners are making moves. If anything, look for them to draft for bases on defense and offense. Offensive linemen, the defense are gonna get some help on the defensive tackle and the back end with some cornerbacks and safeties. Maybe a wide receiver here and there. I don't think they need another quarterback. Mac Jones still drew still out on him, right? Apparently the Niners won a lot. At least a two and maybe a one if they can get rid of Mac Jones. So we'll see. I don't think he'll be released. I don't know though. I like Trent a lot, I met that guy. Great guy. But it's a business man. Like I said, when we sign fucking Purdy for 250, you can't be paying motherfuckers 30, 40 million a year. I don't give a fuck who they are. Even Max Crosby. How about that trade, huh? Traded to the Ravens. Ravens got him said, nah, he didn't pass his pinnacle. That's him either here nor there. Then he goes right back to the fucking Raiders. And they gotta get back their two first round picks that they got fucking fleece ravens for. And now Max Crosby's disgruntled ass is back on the Raiders. And now he's like, yeah, I'm pumped up to play on the Raiders. No motherfucker. Shit got rescinded, and your ass is back on your old team. Don't pretend like you happen to be back on your old team. Since everyone knows you asked for a trade, bitch. Fuck. It's a business, bro. Since Ravens saw something they didn't like, they're like, uh, we ain't fucking with this big bad boy. Especially since we're gonna give him a new contract, not gonna happen. Then you have the Ravens sadass come out. Look like he was gonna cry and say he wanted that shit to go through. Then accept his fucking bum ass knee, bitch. If you wanted it to go through so bad. Shit is faulty as shit. But we'll see. We'll see. Biggest thing is health, man. If the niners can stay healthy, the sky is the limit, but what are the odds of that, right? Especially since we got the training facility near all that electromagnetic bullshit like we were talking about earlier. I don't know. I just don't fucking know. At least you got Mike Evans, right? Something to go to the stadium and check out. Purdy to Evans. No offense, but I've been getting tired of fucking Purdy to McCaffrey, McCaffrey to Purdy, Purdy to McCaffrey. I said McCaffrey to Purdy because they did have a flea flicker. Give McCaffrey a fucking break this year, please. Right? Tell me I'm wrong. Seems like that motherfucker gets every play. Every play. What else do we got? Now we got Mike Evans, right? At least we can throw the ball and stretch out the field. Apparently the number two breakaway receivers in the NFL last year. I'll let you guess it. I'll give me a second. I'll give you a second. Give me a second, while I'll give you a second to guess it. Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh did you guess it? No, it was Ricky Pursaw and Mike Evans. Jing zing zing jing ding. What do you get, Johnny? You get two of the fastest breakaway receivers on the same team. Hopefully they can stay healthy. And then we'll see how much Purdy can sling that bitch. I have a feeling like Shanahan got this little toy for Purdy. And now he's about to open that shit the fuck up. And then he can run it a little here and there. Uh uh, uh, uh. And the last time he had a wide receiver like this in a decent running game, he was the offensive coordinator on the Atlanta Falcons as they went to the Super Bowl. Matt Ryan, Julio Jones. So we'll see. And hopefully Kittle's fucking healthy too, that poor bastard. After he tore his Achilles. Poor son of a bitch, the heart and soul of our fucking team. Fucking down. Man down, along with everybody else. Man down. I think we all know Fred Warner is gonna be okay because he was itching to play in the NFC Championship game if the Niners made it and the Super Bowl. So scratch that one off the board as word for injury prone or uh not playing next season or no chance whatsoever. The other one you gotta worry about is Nick Bosa. That motherfucker. He knew right away against the Cardinals early last season. That motherfucker took a knee. But you know who's also a free agent now? His brother Joey. So we'll see if the Niners will work that out and bring Joey Bosa on the team, too. In case one goes out, we got the other. You know, this pretty fiercely as well. He played uh pretty good with the Bills last year, so I'll take that. And who else have we got? That's injured and fucked up. Oh, everybody else? Yeah. We'll see. You and our backups, dude. I hope D winners is alright, and I hope fucking I forgot his name. Man. Niners, dude. They're like that, uh like Madonna. She was hot once. She's still kinda until you get up close, they're like, huh. Paying Brock Purdy 250 million. I like the guy, don't get me wrong. But he's so small, and he can barely throw over the line sometimes. I'm like, Jesus. And I'm not like all these other people that are like, oh, Mac Jones. Yeah, put him in front of Purdy. No, you don't. Mac Jones is good as a backup. And if he wants to be a starter like Darnold, shit. Let someone give us some picks for that ass. Our biggest problem is our defense, I think. I mean, we need a little help on the O-line too, but some of those games last year, we couldn't do shit. Stop shit. The Rams game. They just ran that shit down our throat. Gobble, gobble, gobble, goose. That game was hard to watch, dude. Makes you wonder and think, how did we beat the Rams in LA with Mac Jones slinging it to Kendrick Bourne for like 200 yards? And a little sprinkle of a Cafre here and there. And some great defense from our rookies when they were healthy, dude. Jesus. Oh yeah, Michael Williams. Another one. Another one. Towards ACL. Hopefully he's alright too. I'm back. Buck. Makes you wonder though, bro. 12 and 5. How did that shit happen? And we went into Philly and took care of those little pieces of shit. That was at that game. That game was awesome. Philly thought they had it in the fucking bag because we had nobody. But they're a little bit scared of Shanahan, let me tell you. Let me tell you. Fuck 'em. Then I went to Seattle and had to take that ball sack to the chin. Jesus M Christ. It's alright though. What can you do? It was definitely the team of the year last year, so gotta take that one on the chin, boys. Taking it on the chin. Stafford's a year older. Kyler Murray is nowhere with no longer with the Cardinals. And I don't know what the fuck Sam Darnold's gonna be next year. We'll see if he has a razzle dazzle third straight year in him. I don't know what's possible. Years before that, he was fucking ass and butter. Talk about ass and butter. Geno Smith going back to the New York Jets after they mindfucked him early in his career, left him for dead, only to come back, revive his career with the Seahawks, then get traded to the or fucking going back to the Raiders with Carroll to only fucking succumb to eat more dick. It's only to be left for dead. To go back to the New York Jets, dude. It's like being a young kid in foster care and you keep getting past like from badass foster parent to foster parent, and then you end up with the original. Geno Smith experiment 2.0 in New York. We'll see how that goes. But uh Diners, bro. I would be worried. But kudos on the Mike Evans signing. I guess that's cool. And we got Dre Greenlaw back. So uh let's hope he can stay healthy. Doesn't fuck his own shit up during the playoffs. He's like, yeah. We shall see. Some old faces, some new faces. Maybe the Niners aren't done yet. I don't know.

unknown 22:50

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

I do know. They're gonna be balling out in the draft, supposedly. It's the end of Ayuk too, that fucking piece of shit. Let him be someone else's problem. Looks like no one wants to trade for him, so we're gonna release him outright, probably. Thank goodness. I hope that dude's right though. Mentally, no one wants to see that shit. I don't wanna see his ass on the news. Nope! Nope, nope, nope. So we'll see everybody. The Niners can keep their shit together. We can pick up some decent people in the draft. Like I said, health is a huge, huge concern, so we'll see what happens with that. Until then, we'll talk probably talk about the Giants next cast and how much ass they suck. Actually, they're fucking killing it. Making me swallow my own dick, eat my own fucking words. They're like 15 and 3 or 15 and 2. And the fucking spring training. What the fuck? I don't think I've ever seen some shit like that as a kid. 15 and 2 and 3 in spring training. I was like, Jesus, save it for the regular fucking season, guys. Don't need to ball all out and spring training in Arizona. And then fucking not do shit the whole rest of the season. Fuck. But we shall see, dude. Tony Vitalo. Maybe he's the guy. Maybe he's the paisano that ties us all together. Like a young boche. We shall see. Until then, everybody. Niner's getting older as fuck. Signing Mike Evans. Old faces come back. Dre Greenlaw. It's not over yet. We still got the draft. But until then, everybody. Doo-da doo da doo-da. Like ODB used to say it. And until next cast, bitches.