If You're Struggling With Your Marriage, You Need To Hear This

We've all encountered difficult moments in our relationships that shake us to our core and make us question our own worth. Our guest, Nathan, an intake specialist here at Marriage Helper, joins us to discuss the daunting challenges individuals face in troubled marriages. Together, we dissect how fear, panic, and a desperate need for control can often cloud our judgement. We're passionate about understanding each unique narrative, and we aim to create a safe space for all stories to be heard, seen, and understood. Remember, it's okay to seek help and there's no shame in reaching out.

Weaving personal experiences into our discussion, we shed light on the complex tapestry of decision-making. What truly influences our choices? How does our self-worth shape our decisions? Why does an external factor like time or logistics often become a roadblock? Are we giving too much weight to the opinions of others? We recount a touching conversation with someone struggling with decision-making due to a lack of clarity. Our goal? To help you navigate your own decision-making labyrinth with more confidence and self-belief.

Do you find yourself stuck in a loop of fear, unable to take the leap towards your goals? We've been there. We share our journeys of battling with fear and how focusing on our worth and clarity turned the tide. As we wrap up, we offer reassurance to those grappling with marital issues, spotlighting the life-changing power of self-reflection, responsibility, and grace. You deserve a happy and fulfilling future, and it's well within your reach. Turn despair into hope, fear into courage, and confusion into clarity with us at Marriage Helper. Embrace the belief that nothing is beyond recovery. Your journey towards a better future starts right here.

To book a call with an intake specialist like Nathan, visit marriagehelper.com/apply2

Relationship Radio is hosted by CEO of Marriage Helper, Kimberly Beam Holmes, and founder of Marriage Helper, Dr. Joe Beam.

Regardless of your situation, what we teach will not only make your relationships better, but will also help you to become the best version of yourself along the way.

Relationship Radio is released every Wednesday and is an extension of Marriage Helper.

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For more resources about your specific situation, visit marriagehelper.com.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:30

I remember what it felt like in December of 2014, when I had just gone into our bedroom and told my husband that I loved him and I wanted to make our marriage work, but I could not continue living in the conditions that we were living under. We were fighting all of the time. He was wanting to move forward with a divorce and constantly holding that over my head, and it just wasn't a safe space in our home anymore. When it comes to being open and transparent, I couldn't live with it anymore. I remember going out to my car and just sitting in the driveway waiting for him to come after me, and he never came. I remember calling my parents and saying I feel so ashamed and I feel so embarrassed like I can't get a divorce. This isn't how my story was supposed to end. From that point forward, for probably about the next year or two, what I really struggled with was why my husband didn't love me, and was I even lovable? Was I even good enough? It wasn't until I finally made a decision to stop focusing on how my husband was treating me or what he thought of me, or even what he was doing, and to really start focusing on something else that everything changed in my life.

Speaker 1: 1:50

Today, my husband and I have an amazing marriage, because the time of filming yesterday was my birthday and I tend to start my birthdays journaling and one of the things I journaled was I have an amazing marriage, my husband is my best friend and this is the marriage I had always wanted. It is absolutely taken work to get there. That's what we're going to talk about today. Today, I'm joined with Nathan, and Nathan is one of the amazing people on our team who speaks with you all, who speaks with the people who call in, who are looking for help, looking for the next steps, who are likely in the state I was in, or worse, by the time they talk to you. What are some common things that you hear, nathan?

Speaker 2: 2:32

Oh my gosh. Well, I hear a lot. There's a lot that goes on. Obviously, one of the things I like to tell people all the time and it's very, very true is that I have my story, you have your story, and every single person that I speak with throughout the day has their story, and there are common themes in many situations. But I want to make sure to be very clear that, in the case of you, for example, only your story is like your story and only my story is like mine. For any of the, for the woman that I spoke with earlier today, her story, while it has some similar themes to others, there's nobody else with her story. One of the things I want to make sure to be very clear about is, as I talk about common themes, I will never, ever, say to anyone on the phone I hate to hear about people like this all the time, because I don't, because if any single person comes to me with a similar theme, it's always got their nuance and it's always got their pain and their pain is distinctly theirs.

Speaker 2: 3:39

One of the things that I do notice a lot is I notice fear, a lot of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the known, fear of their perceived lack of capabilities, fear of their spouse. I notice a lot of different things that come from the unknown. I notice people grasping for control all day, every day, sometimes successfully, sometimes unsuccessfully, many times unsuccessfully. And I do notice a lot of panic. It's like Hercules, the old pain and panic. Pain and panic. They run rampant through my phone calls because I like to think of what I do. I'm almost like a triage nurse for marriage helper. What our team does is for those of you who set up a call with us. There's a good likelihood that I'm going to be the one you speak to, and being that first forward facing person gives me the opportunity and I honestly I look at it as an opportunity to be the first person just to say I hear you and I'm sorry for what you're going through. And no judgment, no shame, no blame.

Speaker 2: 5:04

Yeah you could be running around with your head on fire and I am not gonna judge you for that, but it gives me a great opportunity to Kind of just say okay, we're gonna take 30 minutes now for you just to breathe and do something you haven't done in a long time, and that's just chill out. So yeah, they're all over the place.

Speaker 1: 5:24

It's a scatter pattern of themes, but some commonalities, yeah yeah, I appreciate your the, the way you look at it and the way you approach it with every single person is unique and I believe that's something that maybe can get Buried a little bit in, especially in when Joe and I talk, when he's in your chair right one of the things that we commonly say is the principles that we teach are 80% foundational and and Apply to every situation, and then 20% unique to you and figuring out how to how to implement them in your specific situation.

Speaker 1: 6:03

And so, probably from our seats, many people here like, oh, we are kind of all of the same, and so I do appreciate that there's the aspect of Well, while there's a similar hurt and pain, overall your specific situation is because that's what people want. They want to know I'm heard, I'm seen, I'm cared for for who I am and what I'm going through and that's sometimes what people need, but that's not always the best thing to keep them from moving forward right right.

Speaker 2: 6:36

yet the the issue with going from a place of solitude and Loneliness, because, let's be honest, I tell people all the time on the phone, no one wears a t-shirt that says help me, my marriage sucks right. Okay, so you're alone.

Speaker 2: 6:52

You feel like you're the only one absolutely and and even though you know, for those of you out there that have been listening to this podcast from its inception, you know you still feel like, well, my problem, I'm the only one and nobody knows, and I'm alone. So the issue is taking someone from a point of solitude and loneliness to a point of community and hope, and so there is an absolute, necessary change of trajectory that has to happen To take someone from I'm alone and I'm hopeless To I am cared for, I am loved, I have a vision, I have a path, I'm on the way, and then, ultimately, to we are healed, we are reconciled, we are in that place of purpose and hope. Okay, so it takes energy to change trajectory.

Speaker 2: 7:48

Mm-hmm a cruise ship can't just turn. Yeah, you have to really crank at that wheel, yeah.

Speaker 1: 7:53

and so, yeah, it does take there's a lot that goes into that to be able to go from that place of I'm alone, now I'm seen, now I'm together or now I'm I'm healing and then I am healed one of one of the things I was thinking about and writing about yesterday for something else that I'm gonna be recording is that People, many of the people who come to us, they, they want a change to happen in their marriage specifically, but they Don't necessarily understand yet what are those steps that need to happen to get that change to happen. And then, even worse, sometimes, when they do understand, they're gonna fight like everything to stay exactly where they are because it's uncomfortable, Mm-hmm right to like wrap your head around terrifying.

Speaker 1: 8:41

It's very terrifying, and and even some of the things that we teach or that we recommend with people like even if your spouse isn't engaged yet, start with working on yourself. That concept is very difficult to swallow Because, all like when I was in that situation, all I wanted to do was talk about my husband and how he needs to change and there Were things he did need to change, like it wasn't just venting and complaining. Some of it was actually very much true, but I was really unwilling to look at me.

Speaker 1: 9:12

Mm-hmm and when someone tried to get me to look at me, I was great at deflecting.

Speaker 2: 9:17

Oh yeah or justifying or right, you don't understand. I know what I'm doing.

Speaker 1: 9:22

Yeah, I'm amazing, I don't need to change anything.

Speaker 2: 9:27

There's so much amazing in this room, right, there's so much so much in this podcast room.

Speaker 1: 9:31

That's very true. So go like talk more specifically. Who are some of the people you have spoken with where you like Specifically, what are kind of some of those situations they're coming with and how, how are you really helping them overcome the biggest objection they have and what is it?

Speaker 2: 9:48

right, right, so there are two factors that I look. I like to make things really really simple, right. So so, when, when you call me, if you do, if you do talk to me on the phone, be prepared, because I'll be straight up honest with you. But if you do, there are two factors why like making things simple when it comes to decision-making, any decision External and internal External factors we encounter every day. So I want what I want to do right now is, if you're in a situation where you're wondering, if you're, if your situation is even worth giving hope to, if you're in a situation where you don't know what to do, or if you're on the fence, I want you to think about this. The decisions that I will ask you to make on the phone are very akin to a decision you make to any at any other time during the day. External factors are things that we can't control, that we have to adapt to, okay. So, for example, time do I have the time for the workshop? For example, scheduling you know how can I plan ahead Childcare?

Speaker 2: 10:52

you know in that situation, that's one. You know. How do I adapt to things that I cannot change whatsoever and they are just out there. It's just like going to lunch, you know, or I, you know, I ride my bike here. So it's A what's the best route to go? B how much time do I have to make that trip? These are all things that will not change. It's just like you know. If anybody out there is gonna go to lunch today, you're gonna think about where do I go, what's my budget, how much time does it take to get there and do I wanna go? Yeah.

Speaker 2: 11:21

These are all just external factors. You do it every day. Yeah. These are the easy ones. These are the same parameters for everyone. Yeah, and that is simply a matter of logistics. We call those logistics. These are things you can't control. Internal factors are a whole different oyster. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: 11:37

Okay. Internal factors are things that you have control over and they all exist within your head. Internal factors are things like if I'm biking to work, do I feel like riding my bike to work? I had a bike crash years ago, like we talked about before, and is my desire to ride my bike greater than my fear of what happened to me in the past? Is my desire bigger than my trauma? Mm-hmm Okay.

Speaker 2: 12:11

In our situation. It is simply a matter of do I believe that my marriage is worth saving? Do I have hope for XYZ? Do I think that I can do this? What might my spouse do? These are all things in your head, yeah, and the thing about the thing about them? Are they all boil down to one thing? What is your sense of value? In my opinion, I ask people this all the time. Are you worth the time of the work? Yeah. Especially on that path where we talk about if you're starting by yourself. Right.

Speaker 2: 13:00

Are you worth the time invested and the money invested in yourself? Are you worth it when you boil it down to those? When you boil it down to that simple question, I would hope that the answer is clear for everyone. Yeah, absolutely. So. Are you worth going farther than your fear? Are you worth the time that it takes? Are you worth asking the hard questions of your spouse? Is your sanity worth what it takes to get into the workshop?

Speaker 2: 13:38

Hmm, when you get up in the morning and you understand that I was talking with one person a couple of days ago, highly capable, highly capable person in a scientific field, mm-hmm, okay, and this person, when you speak to them, you can just tell they make people do things Right, like this is a person who I love talking with this person because they're just so direct and so purposeful. And then when I ask and, by the way, if any of you have ever talked to me on the phone my next question you know what it's gonna be what is your goal? And when I ask what is your goal, this person just broke down and lost it, and that's okay. By the way, crying is allowed on the phone with me, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 14:30

It's totally good, you're welcome to do that, but lost it. And they said what is your goal? And they said I don't know, and not knowing is the most terrifying thing I can experience. So we talked for a while just about what it would look like. What did?

Speaker 1: 14:52

you ask after that? What did you ask after? She said she didn't know when. She said yeah, when this person said this person.

Speaker 2: 14:58

Yeah, yeah, I try to be very, very, very careful. Very careful because I don't ever wanna share anything. That's not my story to tell, but I will say that when this person said I don't know, I said so let's explore that. What is the most important thing that you need right now? And this person said I wanna know what to do about my marriage. My spouse, in a nutshell, said he's treating me like garbage and I'm just. I know that it's not all my fault and I know that it's not all this person's fault, my spouse's fault, but I would just love to know what to do. And I said so what I'm hearing you say is that your goal is clarity. Your goal is just having a moment where you know because this person, like I said, is used to making high level decisions. So first this person to be able to make these high level decisions. They do that all day. It's like muscle memory, right, it's easy. But then, all of a sudden, you find yourself in a situation where it's like trying to. You know, it's like trying to do a long jump on the beach. You know the sand is moving underneath your feet long before you ever jump, so there's no firm foundation and it's terrifying. I've been there. I know what that feels. I cannot jump forward until I know that my plant foot is strong.

Speaker 2: 16:23

So we talked a while about what it would look like to get clarity and the steps that it would take to get some clarity, and we talked about one of our programs. And at that point I could then look at that person and say now the question is not what do I do, you know what to do? The question is now is the reward worth your fear? And this person asks a lot of really good questions. But also be aware of some of you out there also may be the type of person that does ask a lot of questions, and usually the questions I get are very good.

Speaker 2: 16:58

I very rarely get a question that I'm just like what? So very, very rarely. But the questions that you may be asking yourself out there right now about, well, what if this and what if my husband or what if my wife does this or what if this or what if this by the way, these are all external factors that you cannot control. We've talked about that. These questions oftentimes are stalling tactics because we feel comfortable asking questions, because if we ask questions then that means we're waiting on an answer or a decision. And if we're waiting on an answer or a decision, then that means we don't have to do anything. Right.

Speaker 2: 17:33

That means we don't have to take action. It's a stalling maneuver. When you find yourself asking the same question over and over, you're stalling.

Speaker 1: 17:40

Another one I don't wanna get your thoughts on. This is so I don't know how to explain what I'm about to explain to the listeners. So people in the office know that I've had this like weird nasal thing happening over the past couple of weeks Like a nerve condition. I'm not gonna go into it. Anyway, at its worst it feels like I'm constantly needing to sneeze all the freaking time and nothing helps it. And so the doctor, like I, went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and he said try this one thing, but if that doesn't work, I'm gonna give you a steroid pack.

Speaker 1: 18:17

This is not open for people to give me their advice whether or not I should take the steroid pack. I'm simply telling the story. And so, anyway, long story short is. It kept getting worse and I finally, like over the weekend, I got to the point where I was looking at the steroid pack and I said here's the thing. And my husband was like why haven't you taken it yet? And I said here's why? Here's the thing, because as long as I don't take it, there's hope that it might work. But if I take it and it doesn't work, I'm completely hopeless because I've done everything else.

Speaker 2: 18:51

Yes, and I had this exact conversation with someone a couple of days ago and it was via text message, and this person said to me I know that I need to do this, but what if I do all this? What if I spend this money and I take this time and I do all this and I just end up single? And my only reply is what if you do all this, spend all this money, take all this time and you end up whole?

Speaker 1: 19:19

That's right. That's right Because, logically, the argument I gave it doesn't make sense. It's like so you're gonna withhold trying something that could be what actually makes everything better.

Speaker 2: 19:31

Right, I talked to a lady this morning. Yeah, okay, and look if you're watching this podcast, I'm a robust young man. Yes, I'm more robust than I have been in the past and I'm working on my robustity.

Speaker 1: 19:50

but in all seriousness, I was thinking you were being like a personality, like you are a big personality.

Speaker 2: 19:55

No, honey, I'm big-boned. So in all seriousness, I was telling but look, I'm gonna be straight, honest with my clients on the phone and I said look, here's where I'm at. So my goal, through my writing and everything, is to lose X number of pounds. Uh-huh, okay. So what if I were to say I don't think I can lose X number of pounds, let's say 50, for example, I don't think I can lose 50 pounds, so I'm not gonna lose 10.

Speaker 2: 20:29

And it's the same exact thing that people go through on this in our, in our path. They think in turn, let's say the couples path and the solo path. I.

Speaker 2: 20:39

Just don't see right now, in my terrified, fear laden, hopeless spot that I'm at right now, I cannot possibly see my husband or my wife possibly ever reconciling. So I don't even know if the individual path, the solo path, is worth it. That's the exact same thing. Why would you say I Don't know if this big, hairy, audacious goal in the future is possible, so I'm not even worth getting help for myself right now? Right.

Speaker 2: 21:11

You're cutting your nose off despite your face right because my that objection is Not one that comes from rational thought, it's not one that comes from logic. It's one that comes from hopelessness and fear and pain.

Speaker 2: 21:24

Mm-hmm absolutely and, and so my Opportunity and this is why I love what I do, talking with people is that I will then say may I speak directly with you? And when you say yes, I will, I will tell you that you're being afraid and that fear never accomplished anything. Fear only holds people where they are. So if you hear a voice in your head that says you should not because of xyz, because of what might? I've heard people say well, my church will know that there's a problem. My friends will know that there's a problem, my Parents will be disappointed in me, my job might find out. All of these are external factors and you shouldn't give a crap about that. They are their external factors. What are you worth, if you are worth getting clarity, if you're out there and you're listening to this and you're in a situation where, like I have been I was a royal jerk for a long time in my marriage and it took a lot to get me out.

Speaker 2: 22:39

I know about that feeling of hopelessness. If you're sitting there and you're just looking at yourself in the mirror and you wake up in the morning and you go oh my god, another day, how am I gonna have to deal with this crazy person that I live with. You look in that mirror. There's a person in there that at one point in their life, was walking down the aisle, madly in love, excited about their future. That future was not deleted, it's still there.

Speaker 2: 23:11

You just have to be able to say I'm worth fighting for. And sometimes you have to start by fighting for yourself, and that's why I make no. I make no excuses. I'm not ashamed of the fact that I will look at somebody and say you really need to change how you think, so be prepared. But I think that you know those fears, those Unknowns, those fears, those unknowns, all those things that stand in your way. If you look at something and it is trying to stop you from acting, then that is your old trajectory that you're trying to change. If you feel that friction that is your old way of thinking that you're gonna have to push through yeah, to get a new one. Yeah, just my opinion, yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:05

It's the growth versus versus fixed mindset too right, and Carol Dweck's research. And the fixed mindset is is the person who Runs from problems, doesn't embrace challenge, looks at the situation where or where others succeed and is jealous of them. Right, and? And all of this at the end of it basically says this person because they avoid facing their problems, they end up in a self-fulfilling prophecy, whereas the growth mindset person, embraces challenges, looks for ways through how yeah, what can I learn from this?

Speaker 1: 24:40

whether I succeed or not, what can I learn from this? And therefore has like an unstoppable amount of growth and future Achievement, and that's what I'm thinking of. As you're talking about this as well, you have to be wildly unconcerned with the probability or the possibility of failure.

Speaker 2: 24:58

Yeah, that's hard, wildly unconcerned very hard. It's extremely hard. It's easy for me to say, as I'm sitting here behind this microphone, but in reality, for you to Learn how to do something new. I mean I'll give you a personal example after my bike crash.

Speaker 2: 25:15

I mean it was a bad one and I love the feeling of being out on my bike, okay, but I had to make that, that decision. For a moment. I have to be wildly unconcerned About the mathematical statistics of wrecks and all this kind of thing. If I want to get that feeling again, then I've got to go get out on it, yeah, and I've got to do it. If, if you want to make development in your own life, regardless of your spouse right now, then you have to make actions, you have to take those steps and no one can do it for you.

Speaker 2: 25:52

No one can make you do it. I can't make you do it. You can't make anyone do anything. But at the end of the day, we're standing here saying life's good, on the other side of the chasm very much so, and that's all there is to it.

Speaker 1: 26:09

What would you recommend to someone's next first step? First next step or next first step? All the steps?

Speaker 2: 26:17

In regards to what?

Speaker 1: 26:20

They're listening. Okay, let's talk about two different people. They're listening and they're considering. They've never talked with anyone at marriage helper before right. They've never taken that first step to really begin doing something. What's the first step for them?

Speaker 2: 26:35

first step. What I would say is go to the website maritulpercom and check out the workshops page and just watch the videos we have on that landing page. We have both the solo spouse workshop and we also have the couples journey. In many situations we have two spouses that are just you know, I jokingly say they're like two wet cats in a potato sack. You know they're just wrestling, but they wanna work on it. The couples journey would be for you.

Speaker 2: 27:09

If you find yourself truly feeling alone, it might be the solo spouse. Watch both videos, schedule a call with one of our intake specialists, work with you know, because, once again, yeah, we're gonna challenge you, but you need that challenge. But if you have just found us, then check out the website, check out the resources, check out the different workshops, see what works there and definitely go ahead and subscribe to the YouTube channel. All of that Because, quite frankly, we put so much out there on YouTube that it will definitely help you to familiarize yourself. I will say now that I think about it. I will say that it's very important to familiarize yourself with where we come from, because you know we aren't therapists. Right.

Speaker 2: 28:02

We equip. Yeah. We're gonna be there for you, and if that's what you're looking for, we can help you Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 28:10

Yeah, you won't come to Merit Helper and get a bunch of talk therapy.

Speaker 2: 28:13

No. It's very actionable, very action-based. We do not aim for you to leave more confused than when you showed up.

Speaker 1: 28:19

That's we're hating someone you didn't hate when you walked in the door.

Speaker 2: 28:23

Exactly exactly One thing we will. Just to be very, very clear and I'm sure for those of you who have listened to this for more than 30 seconds can obviously know already one thing we will never do is look at a couple and say, is your two far gone? Never, you guys should probably just split. I talked with a potential client today who had to go through that and they got that from a pastor.

Speaker 3: 28:44

I bet oh, that breaks my mind, they got it from a pastor today Makes me mad actually.

Speaker 2: 28:48

Yeah, oh, I needed to take a walk, yep, but if you haven't noticed, I'm a little intense, but one of the things that you will never get from us is your two, far gone. That's right. We also realize that we can't save every marriage Right, and we're very clear about that. So if you do end up in that situation, we will love you still and we will work with you as long as you will allow us to talk to you 100%.

Speaker 2: 29:13

So at no point do we look at you and say, yeah, peace can't help you, no, but at whatever point you are at on the journey, all I would say is familiarize yourself, dig in, know where we're coming from. And if those values line up with your goals, then you will meet an entire team of people who will aim to inspire you that your choices and your actions be in line with your goals. And if your choices and your actions are not in line with your goals, then I will very happily remind you that they aren't.

Speaker 1: 29:48

We will lovingly bring you back.

Speaker 2: 29:50

It's a loving course correction. All right, that's fine A loving course correction.

Speaker 1: 29:53

Yes, I agree and definitely would encourage for people to book a call. Yes, with the intake specialist, and you can easily find that by going to maritalpercom. Slash, apply a P, p, l, y and then the number two. Why? Because that is the URL that the team has for this episode.

Speaker 2: 30:13

Because it is what it is.

Speaker 1: 30:14

Because it is what it is. That's the bottom line of it. So it's maritalpercom, forward slash apply and the number two, and you can get that in the show notes wherever you're watching this as well. So let's talk about the person, who they have talked with someone at Maritalper and they're stuck in the cycle of their thoughts.

Speaker 2: 30:36

That goes to what I said just a moment ago. Is my behavior in line with my goals? If not, stop. And I know that seems easy to say. I know it's so easy to say Because, by the way, if you are caught in that destructive self communication cycle that you are just looping yourself right now, then when I said stop, you then said, oh yeah, well, I would. But you just said that in your mind you're busted, but that you are wired in that situation. Your momentum is carrying you, just like you're going down a toilet. You're just going in a circle and eventually, one day you're gonna be in darkness.

Speaker 2: 31:19

So, what you. Thank you for that. So what you have to do, what you have to do is get out of the cycle. And the thing is, Joe cannot get you out of that cycle, Kimberly cannot get you out of that cycle. No one on our team, as good as I think we are, can get you at the end of the day, can get you out of that cycle. Only you can do that.

Speaker 2: 31:46

And you have to plant your flag in the ground, as muddy or sandy or slipping or whatever as it is. You have to plant your flag in the ground and say, on this day, today, I'm stopping the cycle, because you will continue doing that. I heard you just say, oh, yeah, well, but I heard you say it again stop that. You have to take that moment just to say today is the day that I'm going to choose to do something radically different from anything I've ever done before. I am worth change and I can't make you feel that way and you can't make them feel that way.

Speaker 2: 32:22

You have to decide that the picture of your future is more important than the pain of your past. You have to decide that and upon deciding that your actions have to be in line with your decisions. Now you will make mistakes, there will be bumps in the road, and that's where you give yourself grace. I suck at that, by the way. I'm not good at giving myself grace. I admit that straight up front. But you have to give yourself grace when you do fall off the path. Maybe you're working with your spouse to try and get them to a couple's workshop and you commit a massive push and it ticks them off. Your story isn't over. That's right Okay.

Speaker 2: 33:11

Your story's not over there. I've spoken with a number of people. Spoke with a guy a couple of actually, last week who had multiple infidelities. He calls me absolutely breaking because he feels that he's destroyed his marriage, and my reply is my reply to him was well, you know that what you did wasn't the right thing to do. I'm not here to tell you that, judge you, shame you, blame you. You know this already. So let's do different. He goes really yeah, let's just do different. We're not gonna drag you through your path, so you shouldn't either. That's right.

Speaker 2: 33:50

So if you're on that path to reconciliation and you commit a massive push, or if your spouse, who is in deep limerence like they do yo-yos left and right, one day they think you're the greatest and the next day they think you're the devil incarnate all these things back left and right On those opportunities that you have. You're not gonna be able to do that. It's just that you have to mess up. Know that it happens in your human and humanity would be great if it weren't for all these humans. Just realize that. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 34:22

So, every step of the way, our team, whether it be our coaching team, whether it be our client success team, whether it be our intake team like mine, we're all here, united with the same purpose. It's just to help you to realize that there is always hope and it will always be there. The only thing that keeps you from accomplishing your goal is you Bottom line. That'll preach.

Speaker 1: 34:53

I don't even know how to end this podcast after that. You took my line. There's always hope.

Speaker 2: 34:58

I'm sorry.

Speaker 1: 34:59

You deserved it. You need it, was a perfect opportunity. You're right. We believe nothing is unrecoverable. We believe there's always hope and we would love to work with every single person.

Speaker 2: 35:13

But we're not going to coddle you, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 35:19

That just keeps you where you are.

Speaker 2: 35:20

Yeah exactly.

Speaker 1: 35:21

We want to move you into something much better. Right, much better. If you want to speak with someone on our intake specialist team, go to maritalpercom. Apply the number two Again, that's anywhere you listen to show notes. We would love to work with you, nathan. Thank you so much for joining me today. Thanks for having me on. It's a great episode.

Speaker 2: 35:39

Glad to be here.

Speaker 1: 35:40

Thanks for having me on.