Relationship Radio: Marriage, Sex, Limerence & Avoiding Divorce
Relationship Radio: Marriage, Sex, Limerence & Avoiding Divorce
They Divorced After 4 Affairs. What Brought Them Back Together Will Shock You
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This is one of the wildest marriage stories we’ve ever seen.
When Elisa walked into our couples workshop, she said, “I would rather die than stay married to this man.” She had already had four affairs. Marcos, her husband, had just retaliated with one of his own. They had already divorced once, remarried, and were still stuck in a cycle of resentment, control, and disconnection.
By all accounts, their marriage was over.
But what happened next turned everything around—and what they learned during that process could change your marriage too.
This case study isn’t just about betrayal. It’s about transformation—how love, humility, and the right tools helped two people rewrite their story against all odds.
If your marriage feels hopeless, their journey may be the spark of hope you need.
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We're starting at the moment that things almost ended. Meet Marcos and Elisa. I first met Elisa when she walked into one of our couples' workshops and said I would rather die than stay married to this man. By all accounts, this marriage was over. There was no hope. The presenting problem Marcos had discovered Elisa was having an affair actually a couple of affairs and wanted out of the marriage. She said that she no longer loved him and no longer wanted to be married to him. He was doing everything he could to try and make the marriage work, but the problem was that everything he did made things worse and even more importantly. But what Marcos and Elisa could not see for themselves was that her affair or affairs were not the real issue. But we'll uncover all of that in just a minute. Here's what I want you to understand Even in the midst of a wife being in love with someone else and a husband who kept doing all the wrong things, they are still married and living happily ever after today. The turnaround in their story is remarkable and I believe, as we talk through all of the aspects of their relationship, where all the things fell apart, all of the things that went wrong, you're going to end this video saying, wow, if that marriage could be saved, then mine can too. That's what we're going to get into. But before we get to how it was saved, we need to understand how it all fell apart.
Speaker 1:Marcus and Elisa had been married for 18 years at the time that they ended up in one of our couples' workshops, but really the problems had started at the very beginning of their marriage and had been festering for years. In fact, they didn't even necessarily marry for love, but more so out of obligation, at least for Marcos. In asking Elisa what she remembered about the beginning of their relationship, she said she always knew that she would marry him since she first saw him when she was 11 years old, but she thought there's no way that he'll ever notice me. He was older and she never thought that he would be interested in someone like her until he was, and she felt like he was her knight in shining armor. She felt protected and safe around him and excited to start their new life together. Marcos, on the other hand, from the beginning he stated himself that he liked a lot of things about Elisa, but he didn't love her, because to love is to show weakness, and this is where the problems begin. While it seemed like they were off to live the American dream, at least for Elisa, things began to turn into a nightmare.
Speaker 1:About one year after marriage they came to the US and Marcos had a really big chip on his shoulders Work, work, work, work, work. He was all about making the money. That's what Elisa said. He chose work over family all the time, not just in their first year, but in their first 18 years. And what was worse is she never felt like she could speak up against it, because he would always just convince her that she was wrong, that he knew best. After all, he was the man of the house. So, as Elisa said, we just stopped talking to each other. But then I would go out with girlfriends and at bars and someone else, some other guy would begin to hear me talk and someone else, some other guy would begin to hear me talk.
Speaker 1:And that's when everything shifted For Elisa. She began to find the love, connection and intimacy she was longing for from her husband, but with another man. But she hated herself for it. She said it wasn't who I was, it wasn't who I wanted to be, but it happened and the connection felt so good that it was hard to stop. Marcos, on the other hand, suspected nothing. He was none the wiser until a co-worker started telling him, hey, things don't seem right. And then one day he got an inkling to go home in the middle of work and found her and her lover in bed together. You'd think it would be over then, but it wasn't, which meant Elisa had to admit that this wasn't her first affair, but it was her second, and she was only sleeping with this guy to try and get over how she still had feelings for the first one. You can only imagine what happened next.
Speaker 1:Marcos called his mom. She told him to get a divorce. He called his brother. He tried to help them make amends. Marcos tried to hide his hurt by telling Elisa I didn't even marry you because I loved you. I married you because I felt like I had to, a comment that Elisa would not easily forgive or forget. And so that night, instead of leaving her, he took her to eat Italian food and told her then and there I'm in this, I'm staying.
Speaker 1:Elisa stayed too, even though she could have left, but for her he was all I knew. She said. And at this point they had two kids. Where was she going to go, she said. I was young when we got married. He was all I knew and I was scared to be on my own, so they tried to make things work, but Marcos would go on to say if there was any way for me to become more cold, I became more cold and let me tell you, in doing my work asking questions about this relationship, there was no way for him to become more cold. Their relationship was already solid ice. Marcos continued to control everything that Elisa would do Her finances, her schedule, you name it and Elisa continued to feel alone and unloved because, even as controlling as he was, he wasn't there, which ended up leading Elisa to her third affair and, ultimately, their divorce.
Speaker 1:They were divorced for a year, a year in which their family was torn apart and it wrecked them. You see, what I hope you understand up to this point in the story is that, while Elisa had several affairs, which was not good or justified, it was Marcos's controlling behavior and lack of being there and being present in the relationship that drove her away. Effort wasn't the issue with them. Direction was, and without the right roadmap, effort can push people even further apart if they're not doing the right thing. During that year, something happened, something that neither of them expected. Marcos found God, and the next morning he woke up and decided he wanted his family back. Unbeknownst to him, elisa was feeling the same way, so he started pursuing her, texting her, allowing her to come around more, dating her again, until finally, a year after their divorce, they remarried and things felt good again. They were in a good place, the past was behind them. This was a new start, or so they thought. Little did they know. They had remarried, but they hadn't actually fixed anything. They tried therapy, but it didn't help at all.
Speaker 1:Marcos was incredibly resentful of Elisa's affairs. He was hurt, and rightfully so, but he hadn't forgiven her, and that lack of forgiveness led to his own addictions, pornography and ultimately him seeking out his own revenge affair. He didn't even want to, but he couldn't get over how badly her affairs had hurt him. After struggling with this, he decided the only way to finally feel like things were even was for him to have an affair of his own. So he did, until he was caught. Elisa wasn't even looking to catch him. She happened to walk into the office one day and found the text messages on his computer screen. She was devastated, but it wasn't even the sex that hurt her the most. It was the fact that he had shown that other woman the love and attention she had wanted all of those years. For 18 years she told me he had never even given me a gift Valentine's Day, my birthday nothing but her. He had given her gifts, and that's what hurt the most. This wasn't because Elisa was shallow. It was because she wanted something to show her that her husband loved her. She kept remembering what he said I didn't marry you because I loved you. I married you because I felt I had to.
Speaker 1:Marcos continued to pull away, continued to control because he felt deep shame for the affair. He stopped trying to work on the marriage and he started distracting and numbing himself more, which once again led her into the arms of another man. A fourth and final affair Elisa was done. At this point you may be thinking this sounds crazy. Did you say that this ends happy? I did, and we're getting there. But as a quick recap they get married.
Speaker 1:Marcos becomes a workaholic, never spends time with Elisa. Elisa is craving love and connection and doesn't know how to get it from Marcos, and so it leads to a continual cycle of hurt and shame. Marcos doesn't want to appear weak and in doing so, he pushes his wife away because he's super controlling. Elisa craves connection and, even though it was wrong, she found it in other places, and their lack of willingness to actually pull their issues into the spotlight and talked about them kept them doing this crazy cycle for 18 years.
Speaker 1:Nothing was working until Marcos found Marriage Helper in November of 2018. And in his mind, elisa was the one who needed fixing. Who could blame him? She'd had four affairs, but what Marcos came to find out was something much different. Reluctantly, elisa attended the Marriage Helper three-day workshop honestly, just to shut him up. Truly, she wanted out, and this was her ticket to get him to give up. She'd go check it off the list and be done with him and the marriage for good. But during those three days, something shifted. It was more like an earthquake-level shift. Marcos finally broke. You see, he drug her there thinking that she was the one who needed to be fixed, but realized he was the one who needed to change. He realized that there were fundamental hurts and pains that he had caused in the relationship. While they didn't justify the affair, they allowed for that fertile soil from which the affair sprung.
Speaker 1:Elisa remembered that day at the workshop. He just went out into the hall and wept and, even though she hated him, she went and stood beside him and held him as he began to realize all the hurt and pain that he had caused. He began to change. He stopped controlling her. He stopped working so much. He started actually loving her. He stopped always telling her that she was wrong. He gave her a voice. He stopped believing that he was better than her. He began treating her with respect. He began to be there for her emotionally. He learned to show that love was not weakness, but that love was the biggest opportunity for strength. And Elisa she learned to speak up to Marcos when she felt like things weren't right. She learned to put boundaries around herself so that she wouldn't be tempted. So what changed? When I asked Marcos and Elisa, they both said the same thing Everything changed. Nothing is the same. They both learned that neither of them were perfect, that they both had flaws, but they both had work to do. As Elisa said, we were way too different. Nothing could work the way that it was working then. Even still today, in the tiniest things, we still use marriage helper tools all the time. And she ended by telling me now I feel safe.
Speaker 1:This story is truly a miracle, and there are some key principles that we can learn from this story. It's one that we've seen work over and over again, even in the most hopeless situations, when one spouse has given up, when there's been betrayal, resentment, control, silence, shame. The truth is, most people don't know what to do when the marriage starts to break down, so they either begin to shut down, lash out or go looking for comfort somewhere else. But healing happens when just one person starts to show up differently, just like Marcos began to do in this story. The first thing I want you to see is the key principle is that the presenting problem is rarely the real problem. Elisa's affair was not the root issue. The deeper issue was years of disconnection, control and unspoken hurt. If you only treat the surface issue, you'll miss what's really keeping you stuck.
Speaker 1:Number two you can't shame your way to connection. Marcos thought controlling Elisa would bring security for him. Instead, it created fear and distance for her. But real connection requires emotional safety, not power or control. The third one is that love is not weakness, it is strength. Marcos grew up believing that showing love was weak, but the strongest thing he ever did was learn to love openly and with humility, because vulnerability is the first step toward healing.
Speaker 1:Number four you can't change your spouse, but you can change yourself. Marcos tried to fix Elisa. Elisa tried to numb the pain. Nothing changed until he changed. Change in a relationship begins with the person who's willing to lead in a new direction, and maybe today that's you. Number five forgiveness is a process, but it's required for peace. Marcos could not move forward because he never truly forgave and that resentment grew until it led to his own betrayal. You can't heal what you refuse to release. Number six boundaries aren't the enemy of love. They protect it. Elisa had to learn to speak up, how to set boundaries, to not punish Marcos, but protect herself and their relationship. A healthy relationship gives each person a voice. Number seven healing is possible, but it requires humility. The turning point wasn't just when Elisa changed. It was also when Marcos broke down, owned his part and did the work. When each person is willing to humble themselves, or even just one to begin with, the whole relationship can shift. Number eight there's a proven path forward. What changed everything for them wasn't luck. It was process, structure and support, and the marriage helper framework gave them the tools to rebuild and they still use them today, every day.
Speaker 1:So if you're watching this and thinking that's our story, that's my marriage story or maybe you're watching and thinking that story is crazy mine isn't nearly that bad then this is for you. If you're exhausted, if you've tried everything, if you're ready to give up, then let me tell you there is always hope. It only takes one person to start the turnaround. Thousands of people have started their turnaround with one simple step talking to someone who understands what they're going through. Book a call with our team today and find out what's actually possible for your marriage, no matter how far things have gone. Everything you share is completely confidential. No pressure, just clarity, just hope.
Speaker 1:But here's what I want you to know At Marriage Helper for the past 30 years, we have worked with thousands of couples in situations just like Marcos's and Elisa's and just like yours. And if you want to take a next step into seeing real turnaround happen, then that's what this call is for For you to see if what we do can work for you. I believe that it can. You need to believe that it can in order for your marriage to be saved, and that's our goal at Marriage Helper, to help save marriages and bring families back together, to give hope in situations that feel incredibly hopeless and to help you see that tomorrow can be better than today, and not just because we only helped Marcos and Elisa, but because we've helped thousands and we'd love for you to be next.
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