The 1000 Mile Rule: What It Is and Why You Should Avoid It

Have you heard of the so-called “1000 Mile Rule”? It’s a trend spreading online that suggests if you’re more than a thousand miles away from your spouse, you can cheat guilt-free. Sounds shocking, right? In this video, Kimberly Beam Holmes, CEO of Marriage Helper, explains why this idea is destructive and why you should avoid it at all costs.

For over 30 years, Marriage Helper has worked with more than 25,000 couples, helping them restore their marriages and rebuild lasting commitment. In this episode, Kimberly breaks down:

✅ What the “1000 Mile Rule” actually is and where it came from
 ✅ Why ideas like this weaken trust and commitment in marriage
 ✅ The truth about monogamy and long-lasting love, backed by experts like Dr. Helen Fisher and Dr. John Gottman
 ✅ How to build stronger connection and intimacy with your spouse instead of looking outside your marriage

At Marriage Helper, we know what makes marriages thrive—and it’s not free passes, open marriages, or outside flings. True love and fulfillment come from creating safety, commitment, and passion with your spouse.

👉 If you’ve been tempted by ideas like the “1000 Mile Rule,” this video will show you why they lead to disaster—and what to do instead.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introducing the Thousand Mile Rule
• 1:40 Why Monogamy Matters
• 4:20 Finding Fulfillment Within Your Marriage
• 5:20 Marriage Helper Resources

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

So there's this new thing out called the thousand mile rule, and it basically says that if you're over a thousand miles away from your spouse, then you can cheat guilt-free. I'm going to tell you more about it in just a minute. My name is Kimberly Holmes. I'm the CEO of Marriage Helper, where we've been working with marriages and helping to save them for the past 30 years, and we've worked with over 25,000 marriages since 2012 and have an amazing success rate at keeping marriages together, which may lead you wondering, then why are you telling me about this thousand mile rule? Y'all? I didn't know about this until last week when someone on our team said to me have you heard about this? If you're more than, there's this new concept out there on TikTok, on YouTube, like all the places where people are saying, hey, if you're over a thousand miles away from your spouse, you can have an affair and there are no consequences. Let me tell you what I thought about that. First of all, the marriage covenant isn't like if you're in France or in Germany or in America and you're only under the laws of that country for the time that you're in that country. No, no, no. The marriage covenant is something that lasts anywhere you are your entire life.

Speaker 1: 1:10

The fact that some people out there are thinking, man, if I'm a thousand miles or more away from my spouse, that's my free ticket, kind of like the saying what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Or when some couples talk about their fantasy celebrity crushes, their free passes that they would have if they ever got the chance to have sex with that person one day All of these things at their core are absolutely destructive and detrimental to commitment in marriage. Even just thinking about those things lead you to not be as committed or as invested to your spouse. So, even though you might think it's funny, when you play the game about your celebrity crushes and who your free passes are, you are chipping away at the solid foundation of strong commitment in your marriage, which is the reason that this thousand mile rule that people are talking about on the internet is ridiculous, because even just the thought of it, even just the listening to some of these people talk about it, leads you, as the person hearing it, to not be as committed to your marriages. So here's what I would recommend If you are in a place where you're thinking man like that thousand mile rule kind of intrigued me because I thought maybe this is my way to be happier in my marriage.

Speaker 1: 2:35

Then there's deeper problems that you need to fix first. Open marriages all of those kinds of things are not the key or the answer or the ticket for you having your cake and eating it too, or for you to have a really great marriage and be sexually satisfied elsewhere. That's not how this works. Anytime you try and combine those two things with other people outside of your marriage you want to stay in your marriage, but you also want to be able to be sexually explorative outside of it it always fails. It's disastrous.

Speaker 1: 3:10

In fact, when I was interviewing Dr Helen Fisher, who is one of the leading experts on limerence and on why people fall in love and how people fall in love and actually even helped Matchcom with their matchmaking algorithm, one of the things that she said to me was monogamy is so important for love, it's the most important thing for a long-term, committed relationship. And you know who else said that to me Dr John Gottman, when I was interviewing him. We have all of these just pillars of the relationship and marriage field who have said monogamy is key. It's the key to long-lasting, healthy marriages. So don't invite other people from the outside in, whether it's because both of you have agreed to don't agree to it's going to mess up. Your Don't allow yourself to think about the opportunity of that or to fantasize about it and please, for the love of God, don't let it happen in real life either. So then you may be sitting there thinking but I've done this, I have already allowed myself to be in an open marriage or agreed with my spouse because it's something they wanted to do and I thought it was going to spice up our sex life.

Speaker 1: 4:33

Or if you're thinking, we've been out on business vacations or whatever, we've done what we wanted to do, thinking that it would spruce up our marriage in the meantime, my best recommendation to you is to not do it anymore and to instead get help for the things in your marriage that have led you feeling empty, that have led you to feel unfulfilled, and work on that, because what we all crave as humans is to feel seen and soothed and fully loved by the person we have committed our life to.

Speaker 1: 5:08

So why not create that in your marriage instead of trying to look outside to get that feeling? It's so much better when you can get it between the two of you, and it is absolutely possible. We see it all the time at Marriage Helper and if we can help you with that, we would love to. At Marriage Helper, we're always releasing videos like this and we love answering the real questions that you have, so be sure to subscribe to this channel so that you'll be the first to know every time new content comes out. And if you want to hear my full episode with Dr Helen Fisher, which was honestly amazing, then be sure to click here to watch it.