How To Have A Strong Marriage When Your Wife Makes More Money Than You

If your wife is the primary income earner in your home, this video is for you. More and more marriages today are experiencing a shift in traditional roles — and many husbands aren’t sure how to navigate it. You may fully support your wife’s success and still find yourself wrestling with confidence, identity, or how to “lead” in the relationship without competing with her.

In this video, Kimberly Beam Holmes shares:

Why this role reversal can create unexpected stress in a marriage

What your wife actually needs from you emotionally

How to step up as a confident, loving husband (without becoming controlling or passive)

How to work together as a team so both of you feel respected, valued, and connected

You don’t have to make more money to play a meaningful, strong, and respected role in your marriage. And your wife doesn’t want to compete with you — she wants to be on the same team with you.

There is a path forward where your marriage can feel balanced, secure, and deeply connected again.

If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free

📞 BOOK A CALL WITH OUR TEAM: https://bit.ly/4fhb9Yz

🔗 Website: https://marriagehelper.com
📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriagehelper
👀 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@marriagehelper

Follow our other channels!
📺 https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes
📺 https://youtube.com/@drjoebeam

Chapters

• 0:00 The New Earning Reality
• 0:41 Why It Strains Marriages
• 2:36 Biology, Roles, And Motivation
• 3:53 The Overwhelm At Home
• 6:01 It’s Not About The Money
• 7:15 Team Mindset Over Competition
• 7:48 Step Up Without Bulldozing
• 9:06 Small Decisions, Big Respect
• 10:36 Like, Love, Respect And Next Steps

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

If you are a man married to a woman who is the primary income earner in your home, then this video is for you. Here's the thing: this is becoming more and more common. And historically, our society has not really had this. It has been that men hadn't have either been the only ones working outside the home or the ones earning more money when they work outside the home. But over the past couple of decades, really, but especially over the past 10 years, it is more and more common that women are having highly successful jobs, becoming business owners, C-suite level, all of those things, still not at the rate of men, but more common. And it affects your marriage. And I'm going to explain why and what you specifically, as the husband of a woman who is working at a high level in business, can do about it. So here's what we have to understand. When women work outside the home and when they work more outside the home, we are beginning to see that actually this may end up causing a higher divorce rate for these marriages, unless you understand what's really going on and what you need to do in order to save your marriage from divorce when this is your situation. Part of this is because men are the ones primed to have the desire to provide and protect. You know this. You're the man. And so there's likely a part of you, even if you fully support your wife, there's likely a part of you that wishes that you were the one. I know because I've even seen it from my husband. He has said before, I he is my biggest cheerleader. I know that for sure. But he has also expressed the desire he wished that I didn't have that burden on me. He has said that he supports me, but that he ultimately just wants to make one dollar more than me so that he can know that he is doing his part. My husband does his part in a lot of ways. And he does bring in money and an income, but it looks different. And it looks different than what I do. And honestly, there are years where I bring in more than he does. Here's what you need to know about me. And most women, I would say 90 to 95% of women who are the primary income earners don't care about the money. I'm gonna talk more about that in a minute. But what you do need to understand is that you are the one biologically primed to want to provide and to want to protect, while women are biologically primed to want to have a strong social setting and to nurture. That is just how we are wired differently. But because of each of our each gender's individual giftings, it is what makes them powerful in different ways in leadership and in business. And so that's one of the reasons that female entrepreneurs, female C-suite leaders, female business owners are so successful because there's natural giftings that we have as women that can really help make great organizations. Now, that doesn't mean that it makes it easy on the family. Maybe you like the fact that your wife is able to bring home an income and you like it because of what it does for you and what it does for what your family is able to do. And that's great. But here's the thing you need to know. Here's number one. Your wife is overwhelmed. She doesn't probably really want to be the primary income earner. She just wants to make a difference. She just wants to use her God-given skills in a way that matters to the world. She cares about the people that she leads. She cares about the future of the company that she works at. But that doesn't mean she cares more about those things than she cares about you and about the family. But she's overwhelmed. And when she gets home from work, she wants to feel like you are a team. There's a song, a country song by Kenny Chesney from years ago called Just Be the Woman With You, or The Woman With You is the title of it. And the lyrics of it say it's about this woman who is working hard all day. And the chorus says, I've been gopher and chauffeur and company chairman, coffee maker, company repairman. Anymore, there ain't nothing, I swear, that I won't do. I've been juggling all of these things, dancing backwards in high heels, but just when it feels like I can't make it through, it sure feels nice to just come home and be the woman with you. That's how it feels. We just want to come home and have peace. Because our life at work isn't always peaceful. When we come home, we want to spend time with you. We want to spend time with the kids. We want to do things together. We want to feel like we're coming home to a team. I love being able to come home and do things with my family. Even if it's just sitting on the couch and talking about the day, or if it's making dinner together, it makes such a big difference in how I'm able to reset and stop working from home when I get home and bringing work home with me. And so please understand that. Number one, about your wife. Number two, what I hope you understand about your wife is she really doesn't care about the money. More than likely, she really just wants to make an impact. Like I said earlier. She cares about the difference that's being made. She cares about the lives that she's able to touch. She cares about the outcome that she's able to help produce at work. That's what she cares about. It's not about the money. So if you ever feel tempted to think, man, she's just doing this because she wants X, Y, and Z, try not to make those assumptions. I would encourage you to just sometimes maybe ask her, if you've never before, what do you love about what you do? Why do you love to do what you do? Try and understand more about her motivation, her drive, and the satisfaction that she gives from her work. And I think that can help you as you and if you start to feel resentful about the success that she's having and start comparing yourself to her, because that is a trap that I promise you don't want to fall in. Your wife is not trying to compete with you. Your wife sees you as part of the team. You are a part of her team. You as a couple, literally, the basic definition of a marriage is that you are a team together. You are agreeing and committing to be there for each other, to get through all of the trials that life throws at you as one, as a team, doing it together. Therefore, keep that mindset. She's on your side, you should be on hers. She should be on your side, and you should be on hers. That's the way that you need to approach all of the situations that are thrown at you. And number three, you may need to step up. You may need to step up if you're the kind of person, if you're the kind of husband who is not wanting to step on her toes, who's scared of making her mad, who has really let her run the ship because you don't want to upset her. Here's the thing: if your wife is a super strong personality, a fast decision maker, likes to make things happen, is in a type A personality, then she wants someone to challenge her. And you may be sitting there if you're someone who's a slower processor, who is more conflict avoidant, who doesn't like the fast pace that maybe your wife moves at. You may feel like you just need to keep your mouth shut or to do what she wants in order for her to be happy. I am here to tell you it's not what she wants. It's not what she wants. Most of the guys that I dated before I married my husband, they were that kind of person. I would end up just running all over them and they would just do whatever I wanted them to do. And that's when I lost attraction for them. And that's why when I found my husband, my dad said to him before we ever got married, you can't let her run over you. You have to match her strength. And he always has. My husband makes decisions, he picks date night ideas, he figures things out. Sometimes it's not what I would have chosen. And you know what? Sometimes I am mad at the choice he made, but I respect the fact that he steps up and he makes things happen. So if you are the kind of fan who has been scared to do that because you don't want to step on her toes, it's time for you to start taking some ownership and start stepping up. Now, I don't know exactly what that looks like in your situation. And I'm not saying that you need to become a bulldozer and that you just need to start making decisions without thinking about her or the outcome or anything like that. But it could literally be as easy as when she comes home from work exhausted, exasperated, and says, What's for dinner? instead of you saying, Well, what do you want? Just say, let's go here. Let's do this. Start making some small decisions because she does not want to make all of them. I am, I promise, I promise your wife does not want to make all of these decisions. She wants someone to be a strength equal to her, just as she is to be a strength equal to you. And that should be the way that you approach things. The goal isn't for you to be the same. And your marriage can work extremely well, even if your wife is the primary income earner. But you need to make sure that you are respected, you need to make sure that she feels respected. And here's the thing marriages can thrive as long as both people feel liked, loved, and respected. So make sure you are doing your part. Make sure that you're not making assumptions about your wife or why she's doing what she's doing, because that will just lead to more resentment. And see this as an opportunity for you to grow together as a team. I would love for you to comment below. Has this felt like your situation? And if so, how? How have you allowed your wife being the primary income earner, maybe to hurt your own self-esteem or to stop you from making decisions that you know you've needed to make as the husband? What have you learned from this video that is going to help change that trajectory in order to save your marriage and make it better? Leave it in the chat. I would love to know. I also would love for you to subscribe so that you can get notifications every time we release new videos, which is very often videos that will help you save your marriage. Until next time, remember there is always hope.