How To Fall In Love With Your Spouse Again In 2026

Have you lost those feelings of attraction? Are you wondering if it’s even possible to fall back in love with your husband or wife after years of distance, hurt, or "storms" in life?

In this video, Kimberly Beam Holmes shares the roadmap for How To Fall In Love With Your Spouse Again In 2026. Even if your marriage feels like it is on the brink of divorce, or you feel completely numb, you can get those feelings back. Don't throw your marriage away yet.

The process of falling in love isn't a mystery, it’s a predictable path called The LovePath™. By focusing on four specific steps... Attraction, Acceptance, Attachment, and Aspiration... you can revitalize your relationship and save your marriage.

In this video, you will learn:

The PIES of Attraction: How to work on your Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual self to naturally draw your spouse back.

The Power of Acceptance: How to accept your spouse without tolerating destructive behaviors (like alcoholism or affairs).

True Attachment: Why "commitment" is the safety net that allows love to grow.

Aspiration: How shared dreams can act as the "superglue" for a long-lasting marriage.

Link to Kimberly's YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes

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Chapters

• 0:00 Falling In Love Starts With Attraction
• 1:07 The PIES Of Attraction Explained
• 6:03 Emotional Attraction And Positive Feelings
• 10:33 Spiritual Attraction And Shared Values
• 15:24 Focus On Controlling Yourself
• 19:17 Rebuilding Daily Connection Habits

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Here's how to fall in love again in 2026. If your marriage has been really suffering on the brink, and maybe you have lost those feelings of attraction, you are no longer feeling those feelings of being madly in love with your wife or with your husband. You can get it back. Don't throw your marriage away yet. Follow the four-step process that I am going to show you today, and this can absolutely revitalize your relationship and save your marriage. So, what are the four steps for you to follow? Well, here's the thing: falling in love all starts with one thing. Attraction. In fact, when we look at the process of falling in love, as I said, I'm going to share four steps with you. But as I said, it all starts with attraction. And even furthermore, when we look at attraction, there are four areas of attraction that we are initially and forever attracted to in our spouse. We call them the pies. In fact, they're the pies of attraction. So what are the pies? What does it stand for? Well, the P stands for physical. I want you to think back to when you first met your spouse. I remember when I first met my husband. Actually, when I first met my husband, I was about three years old and we were fighting over a red toy car. Who was gonna play with it? But as we got older and we remet in college, I remember exactly what I thought about him when I saw him. I first saw his Facebook profile picture and remembered him from when we were kids, and I thought, man, that guy got real hot. I loved his smile, his eyes, his green eyes. There were so many things physically that attracted me to my husband. And there were things that physically attracted you to your husband or to your wife. What were they? When was the last time that you even thought about this? Physical attraction is important. It stays important throughout our lifetime. And typically, when we meet people, especially in person, physical is the first thing that really attracts us to someone. We see something that we find attractive and it leads us to want to know more about the person, which is what leads us to the I, which is intellectual attraction. It was one thing for my husband to have those beautiful green eyes and to be tall and all of those things. But how did we know that we were actually going to mesh? How did we know that there was going to be chemistry there? We did that through talking, learning about each other, telling stories about each other. We would do this on dates. We had a long-distance relationship for the majority, actually for all of the time that we were dating. And so we talked a lot on the phone. We got to know a whole lot about each other. And whenever we would see each other about every other weekend, we would play what we call the question game. So as we were going to dates, as we were going to the movies, we would just ask each other questions. And the game was super simple. Here's how it went. I would ask him any question I wanted to. He had to answer. But the only rule was he couldn't ask me the same question back on his next turn. He could ask it in the future, but not then. So simple, right? But we learned so much about each other during that time. And I realized this is someone I am intellectually attracted to. He's smart. I like the things that he knows and that he finds interesting. I find myself learning and growing by just being around him. I was intellectually attracted. Then there is the E, which is emotional attraction. And emotional attraction is all about does this person evoke emotions within me that I enjoy feeling? I remember when we would go on dates, and my husband would open every door for me. He was the first guy I dated who could afford to pay for my meals. And I remember feeling like such a princess whenever I was around him. It was not uncommon for him to send me flowers, and I would just wake up in my dorm one morning and he had had someone deliver me flowers. He would send me text messages telling me to have a great day. I liked the way I felt when I was around him. And this is a crucial part of attraction. Because when you don't like the way that someone makes you feel, guess what? You don't want to be around them. I had a friend who was dating a guy several years ago, and he things were going well the first couple of months, but then summer came around. They started going to the beach together, to the pool together, and he started saying these comments, like, you know, you would look a whole lot better in that swimsuit if you would just lose about 15 pounds. The audacity, first of all, of the guy to say that, but also how do you think she felt? She felt emotions she didn't like. She felt not good enough. She felt judged. She felt like she couldn't actually be herself around this person. And it was a huge red flag. She ended that relationship and thankful for it because now she's happily married to a man who absolutely evokes positive emotions within her. Now listen, here's what I don't want you to hear. I don't want you to hear that we are the center of our universe and that we should only be with people who treat us like absolute royalty all the time. That's not even feasible. That's not realistic. Of course, that's not going to happen. But overall, the most basic principle in relationships is that we want to do the things that evoke positive emotions within other people, and we want to stop doing the things that evoke those negative emotions. Emotional attraction is so key to falling in love. I want you to think about it. When you first met your husband or your wife, when you were still dating, what were the things they did that you felt, man? I love the way I feel being around them. Maybe it was how he looked at you. Maybe it was how she would hold your hand or how she would comfort you whenever you got stressed out. What was it about your spouse that you loved? Think about it. You probably haven't thought about it in a while. And this brings us to the last of the pies, which is spiritual attraction. We tend to be attracted to people who we believe have similar or better beliefs and values than we do. When my husband and I first started dating, one of the first things that my friends, because we all went to the same college together, even though I saw him on Facebook, my friends knew him. They had gone on mission trips with him. And they didn't know that he and I had known each other from when we were just kids. But they said, Oh, Kimberly, you have got to date him. He is such a great guy. And then they would go on to tell me about his generosity and about how he had served in all of these different places and the way that he gave of himself selflessly. That made him even more attractive in my eyes because that was the kind of belief and value I had. I valued a generous person who had a strong Christian faith and would be selfless in giving and serving and helping others. And so that just was the cherry and icing on top of the whole situation that really solidified how attractive I was to him. Now, here's the thing: this is just the first part of falling in love, but each of these four areas you can think of as having a scale. And here's what I don't want you to do. I don't want you to think, man, I am, I need to like rate my husband or rate my wife on how attracted I feel to them in each of these areas. I don't think that's going to help you right now. What you need to do is think about you. Because one of the key principles that we teach at Marriage Helper is how do you control you? You can't control your spouse, you can't change your spouse or what they're doing. The only person you can change or control is yourself. So rate yourself. If your spouse was rating you right now on how physically, intellectually, emotionally, or spiritually attracted they feel towards you, what do you think they would say? You can then work on the area that you feel like might get the lowest rating. So if you feel like, man, physically, I just haven't been taking care of myself. I haven't been eating right, I've been really depressed lately, then maybe you should start focusing on doing things to get you to feel better and to feel more physically attractive. Maybe you've stopped talking, maybe you've stopped being interested in things and being an interesting person to talk to. Maybe you find yourself only talking about the kids and taxes and things that are just stressful. Bring some light and some fun back into your relationship by working on the intellectual attraction. Maybe it's the emotional attraction. Maybe if you took a real honest, hard look, you would say, you know what? My spouse probably feels like I am not very accepting of them, or that I'm constantly telling them how to do things differently, or that I don't love them as they are. Maybe you've even just stopped spending time together. Spending even just 15 minutes a day with each other in quality connection time, being able to talk about your day, those 15 minutes a day make a huge difference. And it's astounding to me how many couples don't even do that. It's a great place that you can start. Or maybe spiritually, maybe you have fallen out of line with those beliefs and values that you held and want to hold dearer. What can you do to get back in line with those? Whether that's going back to going to church, getting involved in a small group, reading your Bible, or even just going out and volunteering. It's all about doing something that's bigger than you, that's to serve other people. What can you do to bring that attraction back? This is the first step to falling back in love. So then what are the other four steps? The next step is acceptance. And it is really strongly tied to this E of emotional attraction. Because acceptance is all about at its core, do you accept me for who I am as I am without trying to change me? It's when we feel like we aren't dressing the right way, where we don't look the right way, when we aren't talking the right way, and our spouse is constantly wanting us to change or to show up better. Let me say it this way. We had a couple that came through our workshop a couple of years ago, and the husband said, My wife, every time she comes with me to my work events, she just doesn't talk as well or as sophisticatedly as the rest of the people that go to these events. She doesn't dress as perfectly as some of the other wives. And it's embarrassing to me. So for him, she wasn't good enough. That's ultimately what he was saying to her. He didn't accept her as she was. He had a set of standards that he wanted to her, that he wanted for her to meet in order for her to be acceptable in his eyes. He didn't accept her, and she did not like the emotions she felt when she was around him. Therefore, this started to erode their attraction to each other and erode the love that they felt towards each other. Acceptance is the key to love. And this one's a hard one because a lot of people get stuck here on well, how do I accept my husband or accept my wife when they are doing things I don't like, when they're drinking too much, when they're watching pornography, when they're going out and spending all the money without talking to me about it. Those are things you still have to address. But we're gonna, we're gonna put those to the side right now because we're talking about how you can fall back in love. You can handle an issue without harming the person. The issue of their alcoholism or whatever it is, whatever else it is that they may be involved in, you can handle that separately from the way you see and view and accept them as a human being as your spouse. You can absolutely say, I accept you for who you are, even if I cannot tolerate this behavior. Those two things don't have to go hand in hand. We live in a world right now where acceptance and tolerance, it feels like we have to do both. In order to accept someone, we also have to agree with everything they agree with and everything that they do. But we don't. You can show respect and love towards someone and also fundamentally disagree with something that they're doing. It is maybe an art, probably a lost art. But when it comes to falling in love, more in love or back in love with your spouse, this is a key component of what you need to do. This leads us to the third step of falling in love, which we call attachment. Now, there's a lot out there about attachment theory and a lot of things that you're gonna say, ooh, where are you going with this one? I'm gonna boil all of it down for you into something incredibly simple. Attachment is all about one thing. I will be there for you when you need me, no matter what. You see, when we become attracted to someone and we feel fully accepted by them as we are without having to change in order to earn their love. And when we know that this person is going to be there for us when we need them, isn't that the strongest foundation of love that there is? We all long to feel seen and heard and loved and to feel like we are accepted for who we are. That is the basis of what love is. Also, while knowing that this person is committed to me, that they're not gonna leave when things get hard. That's why marriage vows should and do most of the time say, till death do we part. And it's unfortunate that we live in a day and age where a lot of those marriage vows now say, as long as we both shall love, not as long as we both shall live. To be truly free in your marriage and to have the strong love that you are searching for, it has to include commitment. I will be here for you through the good and the bad, through the ups and the downs, no matter what. It doesn't mean I'm gonna agree with everything you do or with everything you think, and it doesn't mean that we're not gonna have hard times, but that commitment basis to it says we're gonna find a way to make it through. And that's really at the core what attachment is about. Which leads us to the last step of the love path, which is one that most couples never even experience, that we like to call aspiration. And I draw and I draw an arrow up and to the right because when a couple can really nail this and do it well, they experience satisfaction and strength of their marriage more than most people ever will. So, what is aspiration? Aspiration is all about having a shared dream that you work towards together as a couple. It's doing something above and beyond just for you. It's finding a way to have traditions, it's finding a way to make your marriage matter. It can be something as simple as that every couple of months you go camping together as a family. And that's something that brings you together when life tries to pull you apart. Or it may be that you want to dedicate your lives to serving together in some way, whether with a nonprofit or at a soup kitchen or something like that. You're doing something that is bringing you together when life tries to pull you apart. This isn't about just trying to get a multi-million dollar retirement in a second home in Italy, as great as all those things might sound, but it's not about money. The shared dreams aren't about hitting some kind of wealth goal. It's about creating a life that you are excited about, that you want to work together towards, and that excite and ignites you and keeps you together, as I said, because life is going to try and pull you apart. Aspirations, having shared dreams. This is the icing on top. This is the next level that if your marriage can get to, and if you have that, then you will kind of stay in love easier. It's that thing that's going to motivate you and keep you in it, keep you committed, and keep you continuing to be attracted to each other. But here's the thing: there's a lot of things that are going to try and take you off the love path. There's a lot of storms that may come above the love path that are going to rain on you, that are going to make it hard, make it messy, and maybe even blow you off course. Some of these storms can be other people, when affairs happen. Some of these storms can be when life has really crappy things that it throws at you. The loss of a loved one, the loss of a close family member or friend, the loss of a job, the loss of a dream. Even going through midlife crisis, as crazy as it sounds, is a storm. It's a time and it's an opportunity where one or both people in the marriage begin to say, I know I said I do, but do I really? When you can get through these storms, your marriage will be stronger on the other side. But unfortunately, a lot of people allow these storms to take them off course, to fall off the love path. And they begin to think, man, there's no way to get back on. There's no way for me to fall back in love with my spouse after I've fallen in love with someone else. There's no way for us to put back together all of the fighting and hurt that we've caused each other. There's no way that we can fall back in love with each other and that I can feel about my spouse the way that I used to feel about my spouse. And maybe you're even thinking, I just want to feel alive again. I want to feel in love again. I want to feel like I matter to someone again. And I don't see a way forward of how I can do that with my husband or with my wife. So maybe I just need to start over. Maybe I just need to go and be with someone else and do what makes me happy. Here's what I am begging you to think about first. First of all, any person that you enter into this love path on, you're going to experience the same problems. It's not the person. It's not the person that's going to fix the issues. It's fixing the issues in the relationship that you've already committed to, the one that you've already built together, the one that you already have history and children and all of these things that you've done together, you can fall back in love. And it all starts with going back to the beginning of the love path. It all starts by going back to how can I be the most attractive that I can be, physically, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, not in order to be accepted, but in order for me to be my best self. Because that is what will bring your spouse back. As we like to say at Marriage Helper, if anything works, this will. And not because you have the focus of trying to get the other person to come back, it's not a manipulation tactic. It's because this is the absolute best thing you can do for you, no matter what happens. When you start working on yourself and increasing evoking positive emotions within others, which remember, this is a key tie-in right into acceptance. When your spouse can begin to feel accepted by you again, when you show your spouse through your actions and behaviors and words that you are going to be there for them no matter what. And when you can create a future and dream life together that you are both excited about, this is what you're wanting. This is what creates love. This is what creates lasting marriages that have a legacy impact for your kids and beyond. And so I hope you do it. How to fall in love again in 2026. Guess what? It's the same every single year. And it's following this process that we have seen work time and time again in the craziest of situations that you would probably look at and say, there's no way that those people could fall back in love. They can. And you can too. So if you want to know more about attraction and how you can continue to work more on your pies to become the best you can be, you can also go and see my personal YouTube channel at Kimberly Beam Holmes. You'll also see it in the show notes. I have a ton of videos on there on that. But if you want more about your marriage and you begin thinking, you know what? Maybe this is workable. Maybe we can fall back in love. We have so many videos on this channel. I encourage you to even watch the next one that we have that's going to show up on the screen. But be sure you subscribe. And until next time, remember there is always hope.