Transcript / Goonafish Blues – Episode 199, by Vicki Solá.
All content © 2025 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.
Music/Intro: Hi there, I’m author and radio host Vicki Solá, welcoming you to Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. I invite you to escape with me into the bizarre dimension of Perswayssick County, where wackiness rules! The laughs begin when I morph into my alter ego, radio DJ Nicki Rodriguez and clash with the zany, alien canine-humanoid Gneeecey! And now, I turn it over to my other self, Nicki, and the gang….
SFX: [Magic Spell] [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo]
NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: We travel back to that other timeline in that alternate dimension, where rotten Nurse Maudlyn’s two canine-humanoid hostages, Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey” and Fleaglossitty “Flea” Floppinsplodge, also known as “Sooperflea,” have glued her to her toilet and served her a festive sautéed glitter-sprayed dead rubber chicken for dinner.
FLEAGLOSSITTY “FLEA” FLOPPINSPLODGE, AKA “SOOPERFLEA”: Din-din is served! Here! We made all this for you.
DIROCTOR BIZZIG “ZIG” GNEEECEY: An’ we went to a whole lot of stinkin’ trouble to do it!
NURSE MAUDLYN: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!
F: Looks like she’s lost for words!
SFX: [Human Hiccup] [Magic Spell] [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo]
NM: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!
F: Looks like the ol’ gasbag don’t appreciate our culinary efforts. She didn’t take a single bite of that beautifully prepared sautéed dead rubber chicken.
G: She don’t appreciate the finer things in life—y’know, good cookin’.
NM: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!
G: An’ y’know, Fleaglossitty, her lousy screamin’ is really gettin’ on my nerves.
F: Yeah, Zig. Mine, too. We can hear it all the way downstairs here in our man cave, inside her walls.
NM: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!
G: Let’s see if all the electronical equipment we bought last time is still here.
F: Yeah. We splurged on a whole lot of stuff last time she held us hostage—on her dime! An’ I don’t feel bad about it, neitherwise.
G: Why should ya, Fleaglossitty? She stinkin’ kept on tryin’ to unalive us! Ah…here’s our sound system! We can kill two stones wit’ one bird!
F: How’s that, Zig?
G: We can listen to some priddy music—our recording of that real tragic Zirbert Shriekensobb classic, y’know, “Plight of the Goonafish,” wit’ meee playin’ my electric voaline—
F: Ya mean violin—
G: That’s what I stinkin’ said, Fleaglossitty! Stop always corrugatin’ me! It’s wit’ meee playin’ my electric voaline, an’ yooou tryin’ to play the piano.
F: Whaddaya mean, tryin’?
G: Stop interrupticatin’ meee, Fleaglossitty. Now, as I was tryin’ to say, this priddy an’ tragic music will help us relax. An’, it’ll drown out the ol’ gasbag when she yells.
NM: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!
F: Put on the music, Zig, put on the music.
SFX: [Metal Click 4] [Plight of the Goonafish]
G: Ah, ain’t that nice, Fleaglossitty? Let’s be glad we ain’t like them poor tragical luminous blue goonafish wit’ two tails an’ no head. They got even worser troubles than us! Let’s jus’ sit in these two expensive ergonomickookally designed easy chairs that we bought wit’ her mon-ney.
F: Yeah. Them drones dropped ’em down the chimney a coupla hours after we ordered ’em from Seemingwhales. They jus’ about fit.
G: Yeah…. Y’know, Fleaglossitty, since she’s glued to her terlit up there, we don’t gotta bother usin’ that vanishing cream no more. Don’t matter if she sees us, now.
F: You’re right, Zig.
G: I’m always right, Fleaglossitty.
F: No you ain’t, Zig. You got us into this whole mess in the first place.
G: Shaddup, Fleaglossitty. Jus’ listen to the lousy priddy music.
F: Y’know, Zig—
G: Whaaat?
F: Our powerful Planet Eccchs leader, Zinfandel, he can see us. He knows were goin’ through great difficulties. Why don’t he help us?
G: I dunno, Fleaglossitty. Even I, the Grate One, don’t know….
F: Maybe he ain’t helpin’ ’cause we made this whole mess—or more accurately, you made most of it.
G: Are you incineratin’ I’m responsibooble for our difooficulties?
F: Yeah, Zig, I am. This whole Perswayssick County is fallin’ apart an’ Nicki is gone, maybe forever, an’ I deserted Professor Wallbang an’ our Perswayssick Superhero Academy students an’ lost a chance of a real important, well-payin’ teachin’ position there, ’cause of you, an’—
G: La, la, la, I can’t hear you. La, la, la, I can’t hear you. La, la, la, I can’t hear you. La, la, la, I can’t hear you. La, la, la, I can’t hear you. La, la, la, I can’t hear you Stop talkin’ at me! Well? Whaddaya suggesticate we do, then, Fleaglossitty? Maybe we should try an’ leave!
F: How can we do that, Zig? Ain’t no way!
G: I think you’re gettin’ too comfoofortable here.
F: Maybe I am. Seems we’re priddy much trapped here, ain’t we?
G: I jus’ got me an idea!
SFX: [Atmosphere] [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo]
G: How’s about you try, wit’ your superhero powers, to fly us outta here?
F: Huh?
SFX: [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo]
G: That dopey kitchen window, that high up one, is still open. I could hop onto your back an’ you could fly us outta here.
F: I could try, Zig…I could try….
G: We wouldn’t try an’ fly out that upstairs window ya flew through when ya arrived here ’cause if your flyin’ feature don’t work good like it sometimes don’t, we could be seriously killed.
F: Stop tryin’ to take away my confidence, Zig. Ya always tryin’ to do that.
G: For Bogelthorpe’s sake, Fleaglossitty, I’m jus’ tryin’ to protect us in case your lousy flyin’ function messes up like the rest of your superhero powers usually do. An’ I stinkin’ think ya gotten so comfortabooble here, ya don’t really wanna leave! Plus, you’re afraid to face up to that real scary Professor Wallbang!
F: Oh, yeah?
G: Prove ya wanna leave, then!
F: Okay, I will. Let’s go into the kitchen. SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking]
F: Okay, Zig. Here we go. Climb onto my back, an’ hold on.
NM: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!
F: But what are we gonna do about her?
G: Who stinkin’ cares?
F: I always kinda like to do what’s right, Zig.
G: That’s your problem, Fleaglossitty. Ya always say that. Ya always say ya gotta do what’s right.
F: Like that’s wrong?
G: I usually think of jus’ meee!
NM: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!
F: Once we’re outta here, we can call the fire department to get her offa that toilet so she don’t starve to death. Okay…. C’mon, Zig…hold tight…. Time to face the music….
G: Now, jus’ concentrate on makin’ it up to that real, real unstinkin’believaboobly high window up there! This is a real dangerousical undertakin’! C’mon, hurry! An’ try an’ sound more confoofident.
F: Okay…c’mon, Zig. Hold tight….
SFX: [Cartoon Superhero Vocal Fanfare] [Sneakers Squeaking] [Passing Swoosh Exploding] [Metal Crash] [Crash Metal] [Bang] [CanTinBag] [CanMetalTin] [GlassShatter] [GlassDebris]
G: See? I told ya ya couldn’t do it, Fleaglossitty! I stinkin’ bet your tail ya couldn’t do it! Now, help me get outta this lousy recyclin’ bin!
SFX: [CanMetalTin]
NM: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!
SFX: [Human Hiccup] [Slide Guitar] [Magic Spell] [Misgivings & Misfortune]
NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ: In next week’s episode, we rejoin our protagonist, the dimension-burned Earthling human Nicki Rodriguez, who exists simultaneously in an alternate timeline after having merged accidentally with her double. Will these two timelines ever converge? Will Nicki, Gneeecey, and Sooperflea—and the rest of the Perswayssick County gang—ever see each other again?
SFX: [Magic Spell]
We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.
And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing!
Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###