Hapoopy Hatch Day, Pt. 1

“Hapoopy Hatch Day, Part 1,” Episode 237🎂 A “surprise” birthday party… during Blirg — when time runs backward? What could possibly go wrong?
 💥 Trick glasses fly, a fireplace collapses, and Perswayssick County proves once again that logic is strictly optional. In this surreal comedy-fantasy sci-fi audio drama episode of Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy, stranded Earthling Nicki Rodriguez returns from lunch expecting a quiet morning (it’s the season of Blirg when time runs backward) — only to walk straight into a chaotic birthday celebration masterminded by canine-humanoid chaos magnet Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey.As guests pour through the mansion window bearing bizarre gifts — including living furniture, a dapper chrome-yellow numeral named Nine, heroic Sooperflea, golden goofball Flubbubb, brown-nosing donkey-humanoid WGAS intern Stu Pitt, and sulky giant mouse Altitude — Nicki realizes this isn’t just a party… it’s another chapter of her surreal documentary-style life in Perswayssick County. Meanwhile, from a strange dimension, Planet Eccchs leader Zinfandel forces Gneeecey and Fleaglossitty “Flea” Floppinsplodge to watch every awkward moment unfold — because during the pre-Grimace holiday season of Blirg, even memories run backward.🥂 Expect absurd humor, cosmic misunderstandings, and cinematic storytelling packed with bizarre lore, eccentric characters, and laugh-out-loud chaos — from sky-blue fizzy drinks to a birthday toast that literally brings the house down.✨ Perfect for fans of:  🎙️ comedy sci-fi podcasts 🌌 surreal fantasy worlds 🤣 absurdist humor & character comedy  🎧 indie audio drama & serialized fiction / Welcome back to Perswayssick County… where friendship, business, and birthdays never mix — and every “surprise” comes with a side of disaster. 🎧 Listen now🎧 https://perswayssickradio.buzzsprout.com 🎧#ComedyPodcast #AudioDrama #SciFiComedy #FantasyPodcast #WeirdFiction #IndiePodcast #DarkComedy #SurrealStorytelling #hitchhikersgalaxyfans #montypythonfans  We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com. Artwork Created by Vicki Solá & ChatGPT

Transcript

Transcript / “Hapoopy Hatch Day, Part 1,” – Episode 237, by Vicki Solá.

(Based on material from THE GETAWAY THAT GOT AWAY by Vicki Solá  (© 2011, Full Court Press) 

All content © 2026 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. 

SFX: [Misgivings & Misfortune]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ:  In our previous episode, on their way to lunch at the exclusive Tricycle Club where patrons dine while riding bicycles, stranded Earthing Nicki Rodroguez recalled how her boss, Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey, had informed her that he planned to give her a surprise birthday party earlier that day, when they returned to his mansion. (Keep in mind, this portion of our story takes place during Perswayssick County’s pre-Grimace holiday season of Blirg, where time runs backward.) 

SFX: [Car Ignition]

NICKI RODRIGUEZ:  After a couple minutes, Gneeecey broke the silence. “Y’know,” he said, screeching onto Triple Bypass Lane, “I read that if ya were born durin’ Blirg, you’re actually two months younger.” 

“Younger than what?” 

“Normal people.” 

“Oh.” 

“An’ y’know what else?” 

“No. What else?” 

“Well, Ig, when we get back home before lunch—” 

“Yeah—” 

“As I was sayin’, before ya rudely interrupticated me—” 

“I—I what?” 

“There ya go, doin’ it again!” 

“Doing what?” 

“Don’t make me change my mind, Ig. As I was trynna say, I’m givin’ ya a surprise birthday party—earlier, when we get home.” 

He almost wiped out, turning onto tree-lined, paperclip-shaped Diaper Pin Drive. 

“Well, the party’s not a surprise anymore, is it?” 

“I’m surprised.” Gneeecey floored the gas, SFX: [Engine Revving] forcing a group of senior citizens hobbling on walkers and canes to clatter to safety. SFX: [Clatter] “I’m surprised I’m even givin’ ya a stinkin’ party.” 

“Second thought, I am surprised,” I said, straining to look his way. “You’re actually cracking your wallet open for me, aren’t you?” 

“Don’t worry—the bathroom guest fees alone will cover all my expenses—I’ll turn a nice profit.”

Surprise, surprise…. Gneeecey had an agenda.

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ:  Yep, as Nicki found out, Gneeecey had an agenda…as usual. So, here’s where this chapter of The Getaway That Got Away has to be told—because it’s what happens next. Once more, here’s Nicki, continuing to narrate her story, documentary-style, as the stern Planet Eccchs leader Zinfandel forces canine-humanoids Gneeecey and Fleaglossitty “Flea” Floppinsplodge, also known as “Sooperflea,” to watch, from the surreal dimension they’re trapped inside….

SFX: [Heavenly Drone]

NICKI RODRIGUEZ:  One by one, they filed in through the first-story window, bearing gifts. “Into the dinin’ room,” ordered Gneeecey. “Ain’t got all mornin’—let’s move!” And, so they did, obediently—Flea, resplendent in his satin-caped dress uniform, followed by golden dopey-but-handsome canine-humanoid Flubbubb, glowing in his new save-the-goonafish shirt, and dorky Stu Pitt, decked out in his usual mustard, geek-chic sartorial splendor. 

Always trying to score points, the intern strained visibly when he saw Gneeecey watching him push Freak O’Nature Foods Chairman of the Board, B.M. Bonbeeederhead, down the hallway. SFX: [Wood Scratch] 

Bonbeeederhead was an actual chair, mind you—a living, kvetching hunk of oak. His soulless cue-ball eyes protruded from a saggy-jowled backrest, presiding over a stump of a nose and a down-turned mouth. And a splintery seat. One nobody would dare sit in—or want to. 

A chrome-yellow numeral, known simply as Nine, marched in behind him on nearly invisible legs. The dapper digit sported sheer tails and a gleaming smile. He tipped his transparent top hat and presented me with a crystalline rose. 

Bringing up the rear, paying tribute to his favorite team, wearing his dilapidated Gnorks jersey, was the only guest who’d arrived empty-handed—Gneeecey’s protégé, the sulky giant mouse Altitude. He had no last name. Couldn’t afford one.

“Uh, where’s Cleve?” I inquired, trying to sound casual as I wondered about my colleague—a good friend and also fellow Earthling. A really cool guy. Gneeecey grinned. “Ain’t comin’.” My heart sank. 

“Cleeevoooveland’s workin’ through breakfast, past bedtime, an’ into the enda dinner.” It was Blirg, the season where time itself ran backward….

“Doesn’t Cleve deserve a little—”

“If Cleeevoooveland came, Stu couldn’t have. Someone gotta reap the grim harvest while the mice make hay. Y’know, a stitch in time saves—” Nine flinched. “What I’m trynna say,” explained Gneeecey, “is that unpaid overtime is a most noble pursuit. In our spiritual leader, the Grand Oogitty-Boogitty’s Grand Bookitty of Sayin’s, he says other people workin’ hard is character formulizatin’.” 

Bonbeeederhead nodded. “For them.” 

“An’,” continued Gneeecey, “his tail will be in our neck of the woods any day now.” 

“That’s as sure,” stated Flubbubb, “as the fact that pie are square.” 

“Pies can’t never be square,” argued Gneeecey. “They’re fulla round three’s.” 

Flubbubb scratched his head. “But, in math class—” 

“Forget school,” interrupted Gneeecey. “I seen a piece of molderberry pie under one of them new subanatomical moleculizatin’ telescopes, an’ it was made up entirely of stringy green round threes.” 

A green string theory might certainly explain things. I bit my lip. 

“What’chooo laughin’ at, Ig?” 

“Uh—” 

“Speakin’ of threes an’ their multipooples, I invited Nine here to entertain us.” 

“Merriment is not cost-efficient,” grumbled Bonbeeederhead, his knotty legs screeching SFX: [Wood Scratch] as Stu shoved him down the corridor. 

“I’d never pay anyone to amuserate us,” replied Gneeecey. “‘Specially not at a Ig’s party. Nine here owed me.” 

“Yep,” agreed the six-foot-high number, twirling his chrome-yellow cane. 

“Ya see,” continued Gneeecey, eating a paperclip, “when I updated my menus—y’know, hiked prices for no reason—I didn’t round nuthin’ off to zero. Didn’t eliminizate any nines. Real incornvenient—means I gotta use my dopey head. Plus, now I gotta keep purchasin’ batteries for my lousy calcooculator. but I done it all for Nine, outta sincere friendshipperism.” 

“Business and friendship,” scowled Bonbeeederhead, “don’t mix.”

“Let’s get this over wit’,” said Gneeecey, as the eight of us gathered in front of the dining room’s stone fireplace. “Happy Hatchday, Ig. An’ here’s to Esophagus, the Greek god of swallowing.” Raising delicate Booolabeeezian crystal champagne glasses high above their heads, all chanted, “There, there! Where, where? Here, here!” and guzzled their sky-blue fizzy drinks noisily. 

The cautious sip I took set my sinuses ablaze. 

“I love carbonated rindom!” exclaimed Stu, his seven chins shaking. “Happy Birthday, Icky!” 

“Uh, that’s Nicki.” 

“Oh, and Icky, today I redid that music bed on that commercial you produced. Y’know—the one everyone including our client hated.” 

“Okay folks,” shouted Gneeecey, knocking back the rest of his bubbly. “An’ a one an’ a two an’ a three—” On the count of three, following their host’s lead, Flea, Flubbubb, Altitude, Stu Pitt, Nine, and Bonbeeederhead smashed their fluted vessels against the fireplace. 

SFX: [Crash] [Glass Shatter] [Glass Debris] [Dish Ceramic] [Explosion] 

The fireplace collapsed. As elephantine gray boulders tumbled SFX: [Wood Demolition Bang]

and charcoal clouds of ash swirled toward the ceiling, the goblets rolled about SFX: Glass Debris], not so much as a stem broken—even though it sure sounded like the delicate glassware had shattered. 

“Your—your—fireplace,” I stuttered. Gneeecey laughed. “Trick glasses, Ig. Heh hah, heh haah!” 

SFX: [Bassoon, Comedy] [Magic Spell]

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###