My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nuthin'!

“My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nuthin’!” Episode 240

🐶🪐In this strange corner of the universe known as Perswayssick County, even a birthday celebration can spiral into cosmic chaos. 🎂 ⚠️ As the backward-running season of Blirg continues, stranded Earthling Nicki Rodriguez watches the bizarre aftermath of her surprise birthday party at Diroctor Bizzig “Zig” Gneeecey’s mansion. The mile-long dining table is overturned, the chandelier is gone (thanks to a Tarzan reenactment), and the last of the guests stagger away into the dim hallway.

But something even stranger is happening outside. Through a narrow window, Nicki sees three moons hanging in the sky at once—her own Earth’s moon alongside Perswayssick’s twin moons, Cronon and Fishvendor 4. According to the sometimes-psychic superhero Sooperflea, this rare cosmic alignment happens only once a year… and somehow it always lands on Nicki’s birthday.

Meanwhile, Gneeecey launches into one of his legendary rants about Earthlings, Pluto, tilted shelves, boingtangs, and malfunctioning terrestrial toilets. 😤 But beneath the absurd arguments and interplanetary insults, something unsettling is building in the shadows of the wrecked dining room. As the final candle flickers and the room falls silent, the uneasy calm hints that the night—or whatever passes for night during Blirg—is far from over. And when Gneeecey blows out the last candle…the darkness answers. 🌑 ✨ In this episode of Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy you’ll experience: 🪐 A rare three-moon cosmic alignment 🐶 The continuing misadventures of Gneeecey and Sooperflea 🎂 Nicki Rodriguez’s strangest birthday yet 🌌 Alien science, “boingtangs,” and planetary grudges 👻 A mysterious and ominous ending that changes everything....

If you enjoy comedy sci-fi podcasts, surreal storytelling, bizarre alien worlds, and darkly funny audio dramas, you’re in the right dimension. 🎙️ New episodes weekly  🎙️ Subscribe & enter the chaos 🎧 Listen now🎧 https://perswayssickradio.buzzsprout.com 🎧 We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com. Artwork Created by Vicki Solá & ChatGPT  

Transcript

Transcript / “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nuthin’!” – Episode 240, by Vicki Solá.

(Based on material from THE GETAWAY THAT GOT AWAY by Vicki Solá  (© 2011, Full Court Press) 

All content © 2026 Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy. 

SFX: [Halloween Spooky & Fun Logo]

NARRATOR VICKI SOLÁ:  Well, that surprise birthday Gneeecey gave stranded Earthling Nicki Rodriguez is just about over….

SFX: [Magic Spell] [Misgivings & Misfortune] [Cuckoo Clock]

NICKI RODRIGUEZ:  Yawning, I watched our guests stagger out into the hallway. SFX: [Footsteps Concrete] [Sneakers Squeaking] [Wooden Chair] Being that it was the season of Blirg, where time runs backward, it was nearly time to get up for dinner. Gneeecey’s mile-long dining room table lay overturned, near what had been the fireplace. His ornate chandelier no longer hung overhead—the canine-humanoid and his brown-nosing donkey-humanoid GAS Broadcast intern Stu Pitt had ripped it out of the ceiling, reenacting Tarzan episodes. 

I sat atop a stool and gazed out the dining room’s single slit of a window, at Cleve’s blue star.
 My good friend had called to remind me that we’d have our own celebration. And he happened to mention, rather casually, that someone had messed with his car’s brake lines. But not to worry—he’d fixed them himself. And Ethan, who he’d seen the day before, would be on the case.
 “Hey, Ig!”

SFX: [Wooden Chair]
 My tall seat nearly toppled.
 “What’cha lookin’ for out there? Your dumb plaaanet?”
 “Stop raggin’ on Nicki’s Earth,” admonished Flea.
 Gneeecey kicked an empty Diet Slog can across the room. SFX: [Can, Metal Tin]
 “Flea,” I half-whispered, “I see three moons out there—and I didn’t drink anything but water.”
“There are three,” replied the red-caped canine-humanoid county superhero. “One’s yours, an’ the other two are our twin moons, Cronon an’ Fishvendor 4.”
Maybe Cleve’s star was Earth. I was afraid to ask. or even think it too loudly.
“Fishvendor 4,” added Flea, eyeing Gneeecey, “is home to several reform facilities for selfish people.”
Gneeecey hurled a bent fork Flea’s way, but hit some glasses in the sink, all the way in the kitchen. SFX: [Glass Shatter] [Glass Debris] [Metal Crash 3]
“An’ y’know, Nicki,” continued a ducking Flea, “the only day outta the whole year that ya can see all three moons at once happens to be your birthday.”
 Squinting, I studied the silvery spheres.
 “They float through each other when their orbits converge—somethin’ to do wit’ negative blirgular particulization.”
 “It’s when the perceptabooble gravoovitational pull of our moons is intensificated expooponentially by the interdimensional factorization of the transgressor planet,” added Gneeecey, smiling smugly. “An’ that transgressor planet is the Ig’s Earth!”
“‘Zig—”
“Her alien people go ’round wreckin’ worlds!”
“C’mon, Diroctor—”
“Youse Earthlings don’t even realizate how lucky youse are. Our planet rotates a zillion times faster than yours. We’ve hadda live wit’ stuff fallin’ offa shelves, for boingtangs.”
I looked at him. “Boingtangs?”
“Sort of like your centuries,” explained Flea. “but even longer.”
“Our Planet Eccchs was always fulla broken knickknacks,” continued Gneeecey, “so our folks were always floppin’ over slippery frippery. But our top engineers divlopped the advanced tekooknology to build tilted shelves.”

“Yeah…right.”

“Youse dopey Earthlings couldn’t even deal wit’ Y2k at the beginnin’ of your last boingtang!”
 “Oh, we dealt with it—”
 “An’ your lousy, primitive toilets almost didn’t stinkin’ flush when your clocks struck twelve midnight!” He spat on the floor. “An’ now that youse demoted that bag-of-ice planet Pluto, what’ll Earth kids say? They’ll stinkin’ say, ‘My very educated mother jus’ served us nuthin’!”
“‘Zig—calm down!”
Gneeecey’s bulbous eyes bulged out of their sockets. “Now her kids get nuthin’ to eat insteada the nine stinkin’ pizzas she used to serve ’em!”
 I imagined that pretending to be nice to me for an entire day had gotten to the good diroctor.
 “You’re right, Nickels,” whispered the sometimes psychic Flea, reading my mind again. “He jus’ couldn’t handle bein’ nice for so long.”
 “One day, Ig,” screamed Gneeecey, through the same twitching lips that had once, presumably, smooched Goonafina Blopperdang’s, “your crummy, inferior sun will be free of all its orbiting debris. It’ll fizzle out an’ leave youse all in the dark—”
 “Our planet,” interrupted Flea, “was actually the transgressor.”
 “You’re wrong, Fleaglossitty—they devoooviated from their course an’ crashed into us! When it comes to scientifical junk, ya got everything bimbus-backwards—as usual.”
“No, Zig—it’s true, what I say—”
“You’re jus’ lyin’, Fleaglossitty, ’cause it’s her dopey hatch day!”
Flea turned to me. “Your sparkling blue planet looked so lush an’ inviting, even from halfway across the universe.”
“It did not!” Fists clenched, Gneeecey fell on his bimbus.

SFX: [Cartoon Slip] [Slip & Fall] [Comedy Boing] [Duck Horn]

“Yaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”
 The superhero tilted his head thoughtfully. “Y’know, us Eccchsers, we were more than a little surprised when we finally saw Earth close-up.”
 “How’s that?” I asked.
 “From space, you’d never dream that such a jewel of a planet was full of moldy shower curtains, expired dairy products, an’ folks stealin’ bicycles.”
 “Plus,” yelled Gneeecey, still on the floor on his derriere, arms revolving like a whirligig, “so many drinkin’ glasses comin’ outta your dishwashers wit’ spots on ’em!”
Flea picked his shredded cape up off the floor. “Bad night, or whatever it is, Zig. I’m heading home.”

“Go back to Veggie Burger Avenue an’ your stooopid little deficiency apartment wit’ that dopey excuse of a bed that pops out of the wall, even when ya don’t want it to!” shouted Gneeecey.

“An’ Happy Birthday again, Nickels,” said Flea, ignoring his pal. “Hope your legs feel better.”
 I’d hoped he knew my legs would feel better.

SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] [Door Open] [Door Slam]
 Gneeecey trudged over to the one candelabra SFX: [Sneakers Squeaking] that had, miraculously, landed upright when he’d tackled his sulky protégé, the giant mouse Altitude. One last remaining lit candle cast long shadows. 

Winking at me, Gneeecey puckered up and, with ease, blew out the flame.
 I broke out into a cold sweat.
SFX: [Spooky Hollow Fear] [Magic Spell]

We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com. 

And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing! 

Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###