In this episode, I dive deeper into the aspects of Becoming a Person of Influence. I am sharing the four methods of influencing others and will be spending some time on the Modeling method of influence.
In this episode, I dive deeper into the aspects of Becoming a Person of Influence. I am sharing the four methods of influencing others and will be spending some time on the Modeling method of influence.
Hello everyone, this is Shayne Gibson with Momentum: The Leader’s Best Friend. I am a mentor, a speaker, and a leadership coach with the John Maxwell Team.
Today I want to share with you some of the characteristics of a person of influence. Because, as John Maxwell says, “Leadership is influence. Nothing more. Nothing less.”
Now…I’m not sharing this information with you just so you will know what a person of influence looks like. Well, I guess in a way, that is what I am doing…but the REASON I want you to be able to recognize what a person of influence looks like is because I want you to be able to look in the mirror and say, “Now THERE’S a person of influence!”
Listen…I’m not only going to share with you the characteristics of a person of influence…I’m going to share how YOU can develop those characteristics within yourself so that YOU can Become a Person of Influence. In my last podcast, I spoke about the Leadership Compass and within the center of the Leadership Compass is you. And all of the branches reaching out to the South, West to East, and the North pass right through the center of that compass…you. The more you grow yourself, the more influence will have across all of those “directions.” But it starts with you.
In order to increase your influence, you have to work first, hardest, and longest on yourself. You should begin with a question: “Would you follow yourself?” It’s really a very simple question. It’s a very simple question with very serious implications. If the answer was no, why not? What would you have to change to get you to a point to where you would follow yourself? I want you to dig deep and answer that question! I want to help you to remove the first barrier that might be blocking your greatest potential!
Now, if the answer was yes, then you are already halfway there. But keep listening! There is some golden information about to come your way.
But before I start digging into Becoming a Person of Influence, there are a couple of things I want you to hear. You see…a lot of the things I’m going to tell you today, I’m sure you’ve heard before. I mean, I know I had heard most of this before I ever heard John talking to me about it.
But see…those are the most dangerous words on the planet…”I’ve heard that before.” So, today…as I talk…I want to encourage you to do this when you hear something that you’ve heard before. Don’t ask yourself, “Haven’t I heard that before?” Or say to yourself, “I’ve heard all of this before.” What I want to encourage you to do is, when you’ve heard something before, I want you to ask yourself two questions:
1. Do I do that?
2. How well do I do that?
You see…The biggest gap in our lives is between what we KNOW and what we actually DO. For me, when I realized that I had actually heard all of this before, I sort of “turned off.” I started “tuning out.” But John encouraged me to start questioning whether or not I was actually doing any of these things that I was hearing. THAT was the game changer for me.
I don’t want you to be fooled in any way! I don’t want you to think that this is going to be like taking a magic pill to make you the most influential person on the planet overnight. It will take effort on your part to make the changes you need to make to increase your influence. For some of you, there will be some difficult choices for you to make in your own life. For others, it may just be a minor course adjustment. Either way, it will require effort and work on your part. I had to put in a TON of work to get to where I am today. But today, it takes little effort to make the necessary course adjustments to improve my influence. It’s almost instinct. And the same can be for you!
Here’s the next thing I want you to hear. Are you ready? Here it is:
EVERYONE HAS INFLUENCE
Listen…In John’s book Becoming a Person of Influence, in the introduction he throws out a list of names that most everyone has heard before because they are mostly famous and well known. He also peppered in a few names that I can assure you, you haven’t heard before. But every name on that list is a person of influence. It is important note that EVERYONE HAS INFLUENCE.
You don’t have to have a title before or after your name and you don’t have to hold a position of leadership or a position of power to have influence! What you have to realize is that if your life connects in any way with other people, YOU ARE AN INFLUENCER! Someone in your life looks to you for influence. Whether you know it or not!
Listen, I’m trying to remove from your mind the thought that influence comes from a title or a position. Remember what I said earlier? Leadership is influence! Nothing more and nothing less! The reverse is also true: Influence is leadership. Period. You don’t have one without the other.
Allow me to throw some numbers at you, just to help you get a grasp of how you are an influencer. Sociologists say that most people will influence 10,000 others in an average lifetime. Did you hear that? 10,000 people! YOU will influence 10,000 people in YOUR lifetime! And you won’t even be TRYING to DO IT! And that’s the average person! This is not just referring to people in sales or the heads of companies…that’s the AVERAGE PERSON. Let me put it this way…Every single one of us, even the shy, introverted ones, are influencing others. Think about that for a second. The average person will UNINTENTIONALLY influence 10,000 people in their lifetime. The AVERAGE person will influence about 4 people every day.
Whether you know it or not, you are influencing people right now. There are people in your life that look up to you. Some you know about and others you don’t even have a clue about. The decision you have to make is whether your influence will be positive or negative. Let me ask you one more question before I begin: How many people could you impact if you started using your influence on purpose? Roll that question over in your mind over the next day or so. Let it sit on your brain and simmer. How many people could you impact if you started using your influence on purpose? Really think about the implications of what it would mean to have a positive purpose for your influence.
Now…Let’s dig in, shall we?
John Maxwell teaches that there are 4 levels of influence:
MODELING
MOTIVATING
MENTORING
MULTIPLYING
Level 1 is MODELING
The best example I can give you for modeling is children. If you have children, then you have already experienced modeling. More than what you tell children to do, they are more likely to do what they SEE you doing. Children are natures recorders…in more than just words, but actions!
Allow me to share a short story with you:
A father who enjoyed music of a louder nature when he was in his youth, shared his music with his children. Well, his son took to it more than his daughter…naturally. Something about the boys liking the noise. Anyway, this father was careful not to include the songs with explicit lyrics come across those little ears, but one day one got through. When the song came on the father instinctively started singing along. Now there is only one expletive in the song and it is barely recognizable, but when the toddler in the car seat in the back of the car sang it out, it was unmistakable! I cringed at the thoughts of my toddler son singing that song to my mother!
That’s MODELING!
Today, my son has far surpassed his father in the liking of loud and fast music.
It’s much the same for ADULTS! If you MODEL integrity and you are perceived to be positive and trustworthy, people will seek you as an influencer in their lives. They will want to EMULATE your behavior and will treat others the same way that you treat them! What’s more, your credibility and influence will increase the more they get to know you, so long as they like what they see!
Level 2 is MOTIVATING
As powerful as modeling is as an influence, either positively or negatively, to make a really significant impact in the lives of others, you have to get up close and personal. Modeling can be done with absolutely no personal interaction, whatsoever. As a matter of fact, ALL of you listening today are already MODELING…and MOST of you DON’T EVEN REALIZE it! Someone is watching you and they want to emulate you. They want to be LIKE you. Are you modeling positively or negatively?
But to become a motivational influencer, you have to be in personal contact with others. You have to be able to communicate with them and encourage them on an emotional level. This action will create a bridge between you and them and it will build up their sense of self-worth and their confidence in themselves! Imagine the impact you could have on someone, especially today, if you could give them a boost of confidence and self-worth! My gosh, it gives me GOOSE BUMPS just thinking about it!
Level 3 is MENTORING
Once you’ve hit the motivational level of influencing others, you will be able to see the positive impact you have had on their lives. You have the capability of not only increasing that impact but also to make it a long-lasting impact. To accomplish this you have to move up to the next level of influence…MENTORING.
Now…MENTORING is actually pouring your life into other people and helping them to realize their full potential. Mentoring is one of the most powerful tools you will ever use in your lifetime. It is so powerful, you will be able to watch the person or persons you are mentoring transform right before your eyes!
Level 4 is MULTIPLY
Multiplication is the highest level of influence that you can have on others. At this level you are helping the people you are influencing to become positive influencers in the lives of others. You are helping them to help others the same way you have helped them. But here’s the thing…They will not just be passing on what they have learned from you but also what they have learned on their own! Few people will reach this level, but not because they are incapable. Everyone is capable of working thru all of these levels. But the multiplication level takes unselfishness, generosity, commitment, and time. As John says in his book, “You can be a model to the masses, but to go to the higher levels of influence, you have to work with the individual.”
Now you realize that you already have influence with others. Now you have to think about how you’ll use it. Whether you want it or not, you are an influencer. You are an influencer to your family, you neighbors, the people in your community and work…you are an influencer is places you don’t even realize you’re an influencer!
If you turn on the television, on any channel, you will see influencers. Every single one of them is influencing the people watching them. Some are influencers of good and others not so good. It’s the same for the people in your neighborhoods. They are all influencers.
Another quote from John’s book, Becoming a Person of Influence, “Most of the time we recognize the influence we have on those who are closest to us in our lives – for good or ill. But sometimes we overlook the impact we can have on other people around us.” Listen to this poem by an anonymous author:
My life shall touch a dozen lives before this day is done,
Leave countless marks for good or ill ere sets the evening sun,
This is the wish I always wish, the prayer I always pray;
Lord, may my life help other lives it touches by the way.
If you want to increase your influence with others, you have to add value to them. Positive influencers add value to other people. How you influence will determine how far, how many, and how long you will actually lead.
As we move thru the characteristics of Becoming a Person of Influence, we will dive deeper into these 4 methods of influence. I will talk about the main characteristics of each method and how we can apply them to our lives and use them to increase our influence…aka our leadership abilities.
So let’s dive right in to the method of modeling. A person of influence has INTEGRITY WITH PEOPLE.
What does integrity mean to you?
Some people liken integrity to honesty. And to an extent, it is. But it’s so much more than just honesty! Google defines integrity as being honest and having strong moral principles. I’ve always thought of integrity as doing the right thing even when no one is watching. No matter what the circumstance is, do the right thing. That could be something as simple as picking up a piece of trash when no one else is around to see you do it. Other times it may be putting $500 in an envelope and slipping it under the front door of someone you know is in need, and not seeking praise.
There are times when you can’t help but be seen doing the right things, and you SHOULD be seen sometimes, and you will receive praise for your actions! That’s not a bad thing! It wreaks of positivity to others! But sometimes you will do the right thing and someone may criticize you for it…but that shouldn’t stop you from doing it. That is INTEGRITY.
If you look around, or even just turn on the news, you can see DAILY examples of people without integrity. Or at least people who have SOLD their integrity: government officials (local, state, and federal), big corporations, CEOs…the list could go on, but you get the picture.
Listen, GENUINE INTEGRITY IS NOT FOR SALE! Stephen Covey talked about integrity in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People:
“If I try to use human influence strategies and tactics of how to get other people to do what I want, to work better, to be more motivated, to like me and each other – while my character is fundamentally flawed, marked by duplicity or insincerity – then, in the long run, I cannot be successful. My duplicity will breed distrust, and everything I do – even using so-called good human relations techniques – will be perceived as manipulative.”
Real integrity is about the small things. It is the foundation on which many other qualities are built. Qualities such as respect…dignity…and trust. As Cheryl Biehl (a Christian author) points out: “one of the realities of life is that if you can’t trust a person at all points, you can’t truly trust him or her at any point.” If the foundation of integrity is weak or fundamentally flawed, then being a person of influence becomes impossible. Even people who can hide their lack of integrity for a period of time will eventually experience failure. If you want to succeed in business, or being a person of influence, you have to maintain your integrity, through the big things as well as the small things. Integrity commits itself to character over personal gain, principles over convenience, to the long view over the immediate.
Now listen closely to this…Integrity is an inside job. One of the reasons people struggle with integrity issues is that they tend to look outside of themselves to explain any deficiencies of character. “Oh, I had to do this because of….” “It was necessary because they did…”
Integrity is NOT determined by our circumstances.
No matter what we are going thru or what we are facing, it is a CHOICE to violate moral principles. Now, unfortunately, not everyone has been raised in good, moral environment. This makes it difficult to make those choices while we are young. But as we grow older, we are more capable of making the RIGHT choices about what we do and what we say – for good or bad. We ALL have that inner voice that tells us we are about to do something that is inherently wrong. We just have to learn to listen to that voice.
Integrity is NOT based on credentials…Character comes from who you are.
It used to be that artisans, brick makers, and engravers would carve a symbol (or CHARACTER) into their work to show that they were the makers. Naturally, the value of the work was proportional to the skill with which it was made. If the quality was good, the character was held in high regard. If the work was good, so was the character. That goes the other way as well: if the work was bad, the character was seen as bad.
Unfortunately, today, some people want to base their value (their CHARACTER) on their titles and credentials, not their character. Sadly, many people with poor integrity have many titles and credentials, and try to use these to influence others rather than the weight of their character.
Listen to some differences between credentials and character:
Credentials
Are transient
Turn the focus to rights
Add value to only one person
Look to past accomplishments
Often evoke jealousy in others
Can only get you in the door
Character
Is permanent
Keeps the focus on responsibilities
Adds value to many people
Builds a legacy for the future
Generates respect and integrity
Keeps you there
No number of titles, degrees, offices, designations, awards, licenses, or other credentials can substitute for basic, honest integrity when it comes to the power of influencing others!
Integrity is not to be confused with reputation.
Don’t be misled by that statement! A good reputation is most certainly valuable! King Solomon even said “A good name is more desirable than great riches.” Listen…If a good reputation is like gold, then having integrity is like owning the mine! Don’t worry what others think! Give all of your attention to your inner character! Listen to what D.L. Moody wrote: “If I take care of my character, my reputation will take care of itself.”
If you find yourself struggling to maintain your integrity and you are doing all the right things on the outside – but you’re still getting the wrong results – Something still needs to be changed on the inside. Like I said earlier, for some of us, this is not an easy change to make within ourselves. It was a struggle for me! But if I can do this, I promise you, ANYONE can do it!
So what can you do to improve yourself in this area of integrity? Let me to give you some questions to help measure your level of integrity.:
1. How well do I treat people from whom I can gain nothing?
2. Am I transparent with others?
3. Do I role-play based on the person I’m with?
4. Am I the same person when I’m in the spotlight as I am when I’m alone?
5. Do I quickly admit wrongdoing without being pressed to do so?
6. Do I put other people ahead of my personal agenda?
7. Do I have an unchanging standard for moral decisions, or do circumstances determine my choices?
8. Do I make difficult decisions, even when they have a personal cost attached to them?
9. When I have something to say about people, do I talk TO them or ABOUT them?
10. Am I accountable to at least one other person for what I think, say, and do?
Now, don’t rush through these questions too quickly! If character development is a serious area of need in your life, your tendency might be to skim through these questions, jot down answers that describe how you wish you were rather than how you actually are, and continue down the same path you were already on. Take some time and really reflect on each question, honestly considering it before answering. When you’ve completed answering all of these questions, start working on the areas where you’re having the most trouble. And keep this in mind as you work on these areas:
Many succeed momentarily by what they know;
Some succeed temporarily by what they do; but
Few succeed permanently by what they are.
“The road of integrity may not be the easiest one, but it’s the only one that will get you where you ultimately want to go.” – John C. Maxwell – Becoming a Person of Influence
Integrity is your best friend
Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote: “No man can for any considerable time wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which is the true one.” Whenever you compromise your integrity, you do yourself an incredible amount of damage. That’s because integrity really is your best friend. Your integrity will never betray you. It will keep your priorities straight. It will keep you on the right course whenever you are tempted to take shortcuts. Your integrity will help you to keep going when others criticize you unfairly and it will keep you on the high road and not let you strike back! Your integrity will help you to accept criticism when it is valid and will allow you to learn from it and keep growing.
Abraham Lincoln stated: “When I lay down the reins of this administration, I want to have one friend left. And that friend is inside myself.”
Integrity should be your best friend and the benefit of integrity is trust.
Do people trust you?
This is another question for you to sit on for a minute or two. Do people trust you? If they do, WHY do they trust you? If they don’t, WHY DON’T they trust you? Fold that question over in your mind or write it down and answer it…but not too quickly. Really put some thought in these questions. The first one may be an immediate yes! People really do trust me! Take it to the next step and answer the WHY part. This is just as important. Some of us don’t realize why people trust us until we put thought behind it. If you have someone who doesn’t trust you, answer the why not. You may think you don’t really know but if you put some thought behind it you can find the answer. You may need to reach out to that person or those people and ask; ”what did I do to make you not trust me?” That is a difficult task, I know…but it can make a world of difference in your power to influence others.
The benefit of integrity is trust
You have to model a consistency of character. Trust can only develop when people trust you all the time. Without trust, you have nothing. Trust is the single most important factor in personal and professional relationships. It’s the glue that holds people together. And…it’s the key to becoming a person of influence.
In the world today, with most people, you have to prove your trustworthiness before they will really trust you. You have to WORK to gain the trust of others. That’s because of all of the years of mishandled trust by politicians, brokerage firms, and religious leaders. A select FEW have tainted the waters for the majority. Trust comes from others only when you exemplify solid character.
· Employ honest communications
o Your words and your actions have to line up – you have to walk the walk you talk about.
· Value transparency
o If you are honest with people and openly admit your weaknesses, they will appreciate your honesty and integrity. They will relate to you better.
· Exemplify humility
o Don’t use your ego, jealousy, or belief that you are better than the people you are leading.
· Demonstrate you support of others
o If you put others ahead of yourself, if you help enough other people to succeed, you will also succeed.
· Fulfill your promises
o Never promise anything you can’t deliver. Do what you say you will do. If you fail to fulfill your commitments, you will break any trust you had with others.
· Embrace an attitude of service…be a giver not a taker
o Giving of yourself and your time to others shows that you care about them.
o People of integrity are givers, not takers
o As our 26th president stated: “No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” – Theodore Roosevelt
· Encourage two-way participation with the people you influence
o The goal of influence is not manipulation; it’s participation. Only as you include others in your life and success do you permanently succeed.
What will you do to increase peoples trust in you?
THE BENEFIT OF TRUST IS INFLUENCE
When you earn people’s trust, you begin to earn their confidence. Confidence is one of the keys to influence. Listen to what President Dwight D. Eisenhower says about this subject:
“In order to be a leader, a man must have followers. And to have followers, a man must have their confidence. Hence, the supreme quality for a leader is unquestionably integrity. Without it, no real success is possible, no matter whether it is on a section gang, a football field, in the army, or in an office. If a man’s associates find that he lacks forthright integrity, he will fail. His teachings and actions must square with each other. The first great need, therefore, is integrity and high purpose.”
Your level of influence will increase when people begin to trust you. THAT’S when you will be able to have an impact on their lives! But be careful! Power can be a dangerous thing. As Ben Parker says: “With great power comes great responsibility.” Now, we’re not superheroes like Peter Parker, but with influence, we do have great power. President George H. W. Bush says of power: “Use power to help people. For we are given power not to advance our own purposes nor to make a great show in the world, nor a name. There is but one just use of power and it is to serve people.” So keep your ambition in check and the focus of your influence on helping and serving others. You have to ask yourself this question:
If the whole world followed me, would it be a better world?
Can you feel the weight of that question? Now…follow that up with an answer to why or why not.
BECOMING A PERSON OF INTEGRITY
In the end, you can bend your actions to conform to your principles, or you can bend your principles to conform to your actions. It’s a choice you have to make. But if you want to be a person of influence, you would be better off taking the path of integrity. The other paths will ultimately lead to ruin.
To become a person of integrity, you have to go back to the fundamentals. There will probably be some tough choices to make, but in the end they will be worth it.
Commit yourself to honesty, reliability, and confidentiality
· Integrity begins with a specific, conscious decision. Choose today to live by a strict moral code, and determine to stick with it no matter what happens. If you wait until a moment of crisis to settle your integrity issues, you set yourself up for failure.
Decide ahead of time that you don’t have to pay a price
· Make the decision today that you won’t sell your integrity: not for power, revenge, pride, or money – ANY amount of money.
Major in minor things
· If you cross the line of your values – by an inch or by a mile – you’re still out of bounds. Honesty is a habit you ingrain by doing the right thing all the time, day after day, week after week, year after year. By consistently doing what’s right in the little things, you are less likely to wander off course morally or ethically.
Each day, do what you SHOULD do before what you WANT to do
· A big part of integrity is following through consistently on your responsibilities.
· Psychologist William James says: “Everybody ought to do at least two things each day that he hates to do, just for practice.”
If you know what you stand for and act accordingly, people can trust you. You are a model of the character and consistency that other people admire and want to emulate.
If it is true, that integrity is an inside job, what are you doing on the inside to increase the outside?
Listen, I want to encourage you to commit yourself to developing a strong character within yourself. Make it a practice to take full responsibility for you character. Set aside the negative experiences you’ve had and move forward.
Maybe even track your progress! Spend this week carefully monitoring your character habits. Make a note to yourself (either grab a small notebook or even a NOTES app on your smartphone) each time you do any of the following:
· Don’t tell the whole truth
· Neglect to fulfill a commitment, whether it’s promised or implied
· Leave an assignment uncompleted
· Talk about something that you might have been expected to keep in confidence
Lastly, I want to challenge you to do what you SHOULD do before you do what you WANT to do. Every day this week, find two things on your to-do list that you should do but that you have been putting off. Complete those tasks before doing anything on the list that you enjoy.
I’m leaving you with some pretty tall orders! But these things are NOT impossible! It will take some thought and effort to do either of these tasks and you may miss some things or even entire days, but don’t let that discourage you! Keep on doing these things! This will help you move fully into the MODELING method of influence and you will begin to attract more followers just because you are starting to act differently. It is that simple! Well, it’s really not SIMPLE, but once you begin to realize the impact you can have just by shifting your behavior a little, you won’t be able to stop!
I want to thank you for spending this time with me and I hope I was able to share something with you that will add value to your days and weeks and even years ahead! Again, my name is Shayne Gibson with Momentum: The Leader’s Best Friend. If you would like to hear more about Becoming a Person of Influence, you can email me at MomentumLeadershipCoaching@gmail.com.
I hope you will join me next week as we move into the MOTIVATING method of influence.
Thanks for listening.