Building a Life That Feels as Good as It Looks with Ashley Krooks

High achievers often create external success but struggle to truly enjoy it, focusing on the next goal rather than savoring their achievements. Ashley shares her journey from building a seven-figure business and traveling the world to realizing her success felt empty, leading her to develop practices that align inner peace with outer accomplishment.

• Recognizing the gap between how life looks and how it feels
• Building the "gratitude muscle" when your nervous system resists feeling positive emotions
• Moving from fight-or-flight to rest-and-digest mode
• Identifying what feeling you're actually chasing behind your goals
• Using somatics and nervous system regulation to feel safe enough to enjoy success
• Creating daily pauses to check in with yourself and break autopilot patterns
• Letting go of the constant need to achieve to feel worthy
• Learning to be fully present in the moments you've worked so hard to create

Get Ashley's free body scan, join her bi-weekly free coaching, and connect with her Telegram channel by visiting the links in our show notes or following her on Instagram at OhThePlacesAshGoes.

Transcript

Introduction to Ashley's Work

Speaker 1 0:12

Hello there and welcome back to the next episode of Overcome Yourself, the podcast. As you know, my name is Nicole and I'm so excited today to be here with Ashley, and Ashley is discussing a very important topic. We're going to be talking about building a business that feels as good as it looks. Did I get that right, ashley? Yes, you did Good, good, good, good. Did I get that right, ashley? Yes, you did Good, good, good, good. So please take it away, ashley. I didn't butcher it yet. Let us know who you are and who you help.

Speaker 2 0:45

Yeah, so really excited to be here.

Speaker 2 0:48

So, as you said, I'm Ashley and what I do is through my own experience which I'm sure we'll get into of really being able to not having a life that felt as good as it looks and then creating one.

Ashley's Journey to Success

Speaker 2 1:00

I now work with high achievers who are constantly stuck in their heads chasing the next thing to really be able to get out of their mind, actually become present in their lives and create more success from that aligned place as well. And I work with my clients using a lot of different healing modalities, different nervous system regulations, some deep subconscious reprogramming work as well. And I work with my clients using a lot of different healing modalities, different nervous system regulations, some deep subconscious reprogramming work as well, to really help people actually let their lives in, because so often you know we're sold this version of how things should look but we're not actually. We're never really tapped into how we should actually, how we want to feel about it or really the important things that come up when you actually achieve the success that you've been striving so long for and so really working to help people actually anchor that into their own lives and be able to really let their lives in.

Speaker 1 1:50

That's gorgeous, that is amazing. We're going to dive in, but I'd like to hear a little bit about your story. How did you get to doing this? Because, you know, I don't know. I feel like there's a really good story behind this, so tell us a little bit about that journey there definitely is yeah.

Speaker 2 2:07

So back in 2017, I started my original business, and at that point, you know, I was really committed to creating, to being able to travel the world, work from anywhere. I wanted to do that more than anything. Spend every day with my boyfriend at the time who's now my husband and support our future family was the goals that I had when I started my business, and I always knew I was a hard worker. I was always a really big, high achiever, and so I knew that I would apply those same concepts to my business and I did. And so I knew that I would apply those same concepts to my business and I did. And within a year, we were making way more than we ever made in our corporate salaries combined. We were able to. My now husband was able to quit his job, we put all of our stuff in storage and we were leaving to go travel the world, and we've actually been traveling the world for the last eight years. We've created a multiple, seven-figure business.

Speaker 2 2:54

It's been really amazing, but what ended up happening was, as I was leaving for this trip, it was like everything that I had worked so hard for and everything that I wanted, I finally had right. But because I had it, I didn't actually know where to go at that point. I was always so used to chasing that next success it was if I got a 98, well, why didn't I get an a hundred? You know, I went to an Ivy league school, got above a 4.0. It was this constant chase that I didn't even realize that I was doing in my life, and so when we're about to leave for this trip, I was like I literally thought to myself I don't even know if I want it, like I thought about just going to Bali and going to soul search and give it all up. But we ended up going.

The Success Trap: When Achievement Feels Empty

Speaker 2 3:38

Our first trip was to Europe and what ended up happening was, you know, I'd be in these beautiful places like physically there would be the cobblestone streets of Europe, exploring the pyramids of Egypt, all these awesome spots that people would dream to go to. Yet my head, like I, was a million miles away. Away I would be thinking about what could go wrong, what else I had to do, how I could strategize my next level in business, what someone else would think, and had this constant pressure all the time and I just couldn't actually let my life in. And it was like now that I had all these financial freedom, location freedom, lifestyle freedom, time freedom I didn't actually feel free at all, and I remember thinking to myself you know, if this is what success is, then I didn't want it. It was almost like now that I had everything I ever wanted. It was all right in front of me and what that did was it was always you know, I'll be happy when right, I'll feel this way when and then it got to the when and it was just like wait, but what now? Like it doesn't feel like I thought it would at all. I don't know what to do, and it really was like a big it. Just what I didn't realize was, you know, when you hit that success, what no one talks about is you're still you, and so anything, all of your baggage, all the stuff that you're bringing, all your you know traumas, your parts, all these things come with you and they you're. You no longer have like a thing to put them off to, so they really all just come right into your face. And so I really had this moment.

Speaker 2 5:02

I was talking to a friend. I remember I was in Amsterdam and I was talking to one of my friends and sharing with her how I felt about everything and and, just, yeah, how I kept feeling like I should feel different, but I didn't know actually what to do, and so there was a lot of shame around this whole piece of like I'm living this dream life. Everyone like it looks so great on paper, but it really doesn't feel like I think it should. And she basically told me, like her advice is really what got you here, won't get you there, and for me, I took that. As you know, whatever got you to this place right now, like all the hustle, the grinding, the constant push, is exactly what's going to hold you back from your next level, because I knew for me, I was going to burn out, I was going to like it. Just I didn't even. It wasn't sustainable because I didn't even want it in the way that I had it at that point, and so that really set me on a really deep spiritual and personal development journey back in 2018.

Speaker 2 5:54

And it wasn't easy.

Speaker 2 5:55

Like it took a really long time to actually rewire my nervous system, to be able to even let the life that I had in, or to even be okay with feeling the joy and and allowing the success to land, and it was, you know, from 2018 to 2020, I did a lot of mindset work but it wasn't really shifting things at the core, like I was still really stressed, feeling um, again, feeling all that pressure ended up and working really hard, I ended up burning out in 2020.

Speaker 2 6:24

And from there that sent me on a really um, even like kind of a pendulum swing. My body couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't actually show up the way that I was showing up to my business and I really had to re start to really shift things. And from there I started feeling um, finding a lot of deeper healing modalities that I integrated into my own life and started experiencing a lot of changes and really became obsessed with all of this work because I feel like, ultimately right, this is the core, because it's, it can look great, but if we can't actually enjoy it in our own lives and we're not happy with it or we're not happy in general, or feeling good, then what's the point? And so, um, just have really been on that deep journey since then and, you know, in seeing so many shifts in myself really then getting certified in different modalities, learning different things, to then work with clients to really help support them as well.

Speaker 1 7:12

Yes, this is a common theme on this show. Okay, yes, this is a common theme on this show. Okay, I got the success. I bought my dream house, I built my dream house, I made the money, I went on the trips and then what? That's such a big deal, you know, because it's it's true. We think, well, when I got the money, I can go to the doctor and go to therapy and I can do all the things.

Speaker 1 7:35

But, like, one of the things I wrote in my book is what are you doing right now to prepare for the success that you're praying for? Right, because things change once you're traveling, your routines are going to be different, like everything is going to be different, like everything, and you're still stuck with you. And one of the things that we talked about before we started recording is there's like a lot of like Netflix and Hulu specials coming out right now of influencers who, behind the scenes, were not at all what they were showing off online, right, and my goal is to make sure that doesn't happen. Like I would love a Netflix special, but that is not the way I want to go about it, right?

Speaker 1 8:23

Yeah, you know, and so I think it's so important is just bringing these two areas of our life together. So can you tell me a little bit about that and talk to me about gratitude? Has gratitude helped you at all in this journey?

Speaker 2 9:08

no-transcript me with that and with gratitude. Actually, gratitude is a really interesting piece on my journey because in the beginning, like when I was sharing, when I was leaving for that trip, I had a really hard time with gratitude. Actually, I had a really hard time actually feeling it, actually letting it in, like I couldn't, my nervous system couldn't really hold it because it would be more so I'd think about something I was grateful for and then I'd go to worst case scenario or I would, it would shift in some way, like I couldn't actually feel grateful and I would then start feeling shameful around it. And so for me, really, gratitude is a muscle that I've had to build over time, as I've really done, like the deep nervous system work in myself to be able to actually have the capacity to feel grateful. And I think you know I'm glad you brought this up because I do think gratitude is a topic that is like, well, gratitude is so important, right, gratitude is it really does help your frequency, like it helps you know you attract what you want, and also like, ultimately, how you feel about your life is so important and having gratitude is so key for that.

Speaker 2 10:15

And I think sometimes what people don't realize or what can happen is it can be thrown around like it's something so easy to do.

Speaker 2 10:23

And for a good handful of us, I know, for myself especially, how I felt it's not.

Speaker 2 10:27

And you know, and yeah, you're raising your hand too and it's it's actually a really big muscle that we have to build over time, and and when you can start to access it, it's amazing and you can really feel the benefits. But I really want to share that for anyone listening so that there's no shame if you're like, oh, it's really hard for me to be grateful. Or I always look at, you know, or I can see this beautiful picture, but I'm looking at the one thing wrong with it, or, you know, whatever it might be, it's just that's just how some of us, our nervous systems, are raised or conditioned. Or you know the work that we have to do in this lifetime, or whatever it might be. But yeah, I think ultimately being able to again, it's taken me years to build the full gratitude, muscle and stuff and I'm not perfect all the time, but it really can it does make such a difference in how you're able to really operate in your own life and feel about it for sure.

Speaker 1 11:12

Absolutely, and there's something that I talk about. I'm glad that you stated it that way, because I'm constantly talking to my audience, to my clients, and I'm letting them know that gratitude is like a muscle there's a whole section of your brain dedicated to it and if you haven't used it in a while, just like any muscle, it's going to atrophy and it's just going to be like right, but the only way, the only way that we can start using it again, that we can make it strong again, is literally just to start using it, like that's the only choice we have. You go to physical therapy and they make you poop, right, and so that's where we start. It's just writing down three things that we're grateful for, and I love that you you're so honest, yeah, you're vulnerable with us and you're letting us know.

Modalities for Nervous System Regulation

Speaker 1 11:55

It was hard for me, because for me, gratitude it just seemed too simple, like it was too simple to work, like this is just too easy, like there's no, like what's the magic, like does it make any sense, and so I made it harder for myself to practice gratitude, because I was like this can't be it, but that was a key. So thank you for sharing that. I love that. And you mentioned some modalities. So now that we're talking about gratitude and things that we can do to kind of adjust our mindset, we're going really fast. Huh, talk to me about some of those modalities that you recommend to your clients. You know, as we're making our way to those goals, what can we be doing to prepare for that moment?

Speaker 2 12:38

Yeah, so I think, in terms of different modalities, I think that there's I kind of work with I like to call it a cocktail of different modalities, depending on really where the client's nervous system is at, what their past is like, what they you're working with, to really work with ones that work to your root, that are going to actually change how you're operating at your core, not just at a conscious level as well.

Speaker 2 13:09

And I'm happy to go into those two and I would say, like, when it comes to thinking about, like your question of like where you ultimately want to go, and setting yourself up for that, it's really getting clear on, like, how you want to feel, like, ultimately, what we think everything is going to bring us as a feeling. Right, we think success will bring us happiness that's why we do it or safety or whatever it might be, so getting really clear on what that feeling is, that that external goal you think is going to bring you. And then I would say from there really, okay, how can I start to feel that feeling now? How can I work with my nervous system, how can I work with myself to start to build again the muscle to feel that feeling? And if you can start feeling it now, then ultimately it does help you actually reach your goals faster because of frequency, because of quantum physics, so many things, and then you actually get to feel good along the way. So I would say we're always kind of chasing a feeling, in a sense. So get really clear on what that feeling is and then start to see how you can, whatever work you need to do on you know, whatever modality works for you at that point, whatever really is going to support you in allowing your nervous system to start to open up, to expand, to feel that and this can be really deep work, depending on what the feeling is as well. And so I think that's really like the key piece in there.

Speaker 2 14:26

And then I think also is just getting clear too on like on what are your values, what do you actually want? Oftentimes we can get so distracted by what we think success is or what these big goals are going to bring us, but then we forget about the lives that we actually want to create or prioritizing what's actually important to us, and we miss out on so many of the little moments along the way which is what's ultimately important in our lives, and so really getting clear on your values as well and really using that as something that can be your guiding light. And if it aligns with your values, ok, do it. If it doesn't, then don't, no matter what, and get really clear on that and you'll be amazed what opportunities start coming your way when you really align yourself to those values.

Speaker 2 15:10

And I want to add, with all of this like because I even know in my own journey and with a lot of my clients, it's like we can do these things, but we are so programmed like our nervous systems are so programmed to that chase or that success or that survival mode to get the work done, that we also have to do the deeper work in like with that comes. So I some of the modalities I really love are like somatics, a different but deep somatics. It gets into your subconscious, different subconscious reprogramming techniques, energetic therapies as well, nervous system regulation things to really allow your nervous system and yourself to actually be able to kind of exhale and be like okay, like you know my, to really work with your subconscious, to know like it's okay to actually relax. We're not going to die if we don't keep striving, we're, we're going to be safe. And then from there, in doing that work, we can, then really we can feel safe enough in our bodies to start allowing the values to lead the way, or are to start saying no, or to really start focusing on those feelings and being able to have the capacity to hold them more in the present and when we get there, we can actually enjoy it as well.

Speaker 1 16:14

So many amazing things you said. I remember a season where I was having panic attacks, I was crying daily and one day this realization hit me. And I was having panic attacks, I was crying daily and one day this realization hit me and I was like do you like feeling like this? Like talking to myself. And I was like no, like well, what do you want to feel? Then, and I had to go down that journey and be like well, what's happiness? What does that feel like? Like how can I stay there? By the way spoiler alert unsustainable. It's a chemical reaction. So don't strive to try to be happy, right, we strive to live in joy and it's perspective. And then the other thing that I was going to say I lost it. I don't remember what it was. It was really good, though it was something that you had said.

Speaker 2 16:57

Let me know if it comes back.

Speaker 1 16:59

Okay, if it comes back, we'll come back to it. No, but that was just absolutely fantastic. Oh, dang it. It was so good, it was like right tied in anyway, all right. Oh, no, I'm sad, whatever, anyway it'll come back as soon as we hang up.

Being Present in Your Success

Speaker 1 17:18

I'll be like oh that was what I was gonna say. Um, no, but everything that you said was just so, so fantastic, so dead on, and we really have to learn to, um, adjust our perspective right, because the circumstance might not change. But it's exactly what you said. The way that we see it does like. Have you ever like you set the image, the map, of someone's face in your head and then one day you see them and you realize that it looks a little different? And now you realize you have no idea what their face looks like? I think that's kind of like the perspective right, because we see this thing and we're like it's great, it's great, it's great. And then one day you look at it from a different angle and you're like this is broken, like why am I so obsessed with this? So, yeah, I think that's a big deal, so tell me more. Talk to me about I don't know what's the next thing.

Speaker 2 18:17

Yeah, that we want to talk about. Well, I think, just to piggyback um, there was something you said too about like um, now I'm forgetting something, but I think, in regards to we said about just perspective, I think that really is everything right. Like us, as humans, are meaning making machines, and so it's really what meaning are we making of the life that we have? And that's why you could see someone who's living your exact same life pretty much, and they seem to be thriving in it, loving it, like saying you know, owning everything about it, and then you're over here feeling like it's not enough or whatnot. Right, it's all because of the meaning that we're making, and that's really where the deeper work comes in and we get to really see, okay, what is the meaning that we're making?

Speaker 2 19:00

And this is the daily work too is like each day, right, how am I actually feeling about this? And can I shift the perspective to gratitude or can I shift it to feeling more joy and feeling this way, or can I nurture the parts of me that don't feel that way? And you know, parts work, I think, is such a great modality too, and ultimately, like really looking at, I think, right, it's like we're kind of looking for this joy, and I love how you mentioned happiness really isn't something to strive for, because it's not, it isn't sustainable, right, but it's really. I kind of look at it as it's like how much can we like come back to the equilibrium? Or when we go off of it and when we start, you know, getting down on ourselves or feeling a certain way or beating ourselves up or whatever it is like, how can we come back to that equilibrium? Oh, oh, you just remembered.

Speaker 1 19:37

Amazing, okay yes, when you said equilibrium, we are so used to living in fight or flight that we have to learn how to live in, rest and digest. That's what I was gonna say, and you brought it back with equilibrium. And this is what it is is learning to live in the opposite of everybody hears about fight or flight, right, but then how do we what's the opposite? Rest and digest. How do we just hang out there, right? Totally, I'm glad.

Speaker 2 20:05

I'm glad I came back. Yeah, yeah, right, it's like how do we come back to this, this equilibrium, up to how we actually want to feel, and how can we feel that and feel it's going to feel different to every single person, right? So how does that feel in your body? Get really familiar with that so you can keep generating it, keep building that muscle, and how can you be okay just being just in that, rest and digest, just knowing that that's enough. And a lot of us have a lot of work to do around that. I've actually right. A lot of us are on.

Speaker 2 20:32

Our whole society is based on programming us that, based on what we achieve, what we do. That's how we gain our worth, that's how we become enough, and so there's so much work to do on ourselves to just know that we are enough, just as we are, and we are worthy of everything in life that we want and that we desire and that we have, and and that becomes such a big piece of it too to ultimately, yeah, like how can we just be like we don't have to prove anything, we don't have to do anything, and from there we can find such a richness in life as well. That allows us then to to actually enjoy everything that we've created and to actually feel those moments. And to, if you're at, let's say you want to create this was like a big thing for me. So I really wanted to travel and, let's say, we imply that to like dinner with your family. You want to be able to have dinner or slow mornings with your husband.

Speaker 2 21:16

But if you can't actually so you can create that, but can you actually allow yourself, when you're in those moments, to enjoy it and to be in those moments? And I feel like that is really like the next level piece of like. We can all create these windows in our lives or these epic experiences or these moments that matter, but can you really allow yourself to be present in those and to really let them in? And that, ultimately, is like deep, deep work and if you can, yeah, that I feel like we can access such a richness in life from just that being, and then, when you look back on your life, that's really what matters right and what we ultimately all desire.

Free Resources and Final Thoughts

Speaker 1 21:54

Yes, I was laughing because I was thinking too, one day where you know we have annual passes to Universal we don't live that far and we were one night in HHN, I think so you have to pay extra. Like this is not a cheap thing that you can do, right, and we pass by these people and it's not just one, it's a lot of them and they're arguing and I'm like how is it that you guys spent all this money, planned all this? You drove God knows how far and you guys are going to stay here and argue Like they were battling out. I heard a couple ones battling out custody. Like why are you guys battling out your custody agreement in the park? Take pictures, like go on the rides. Why are you gonna bring yourself down like that? Like, oh, like go, go do that somewhere else, like not here, you didn't pay for that, um. So that's what I was thinking of when you said that like just enjoy it, right, like you're here for one night one night.

Speaker 1 22:45

That's it, and this is the memory you're gonna have of that. No, no, I can't. I don't want to live like that yeah, yeah, yeah so that is awesome. So, ashley, talk to us about how we can stay in touch with you, and you might have mentioned that you have a gift for my audience I'm super excited about.

Speaker 2 23:02

Yes, yeah. So I would love to stay in touch and I would love if anyone listening wants to reach out and even just let me know how this episode impacted them or anything that they're going through in their lives. But the best way would be on Instagram my handle I know will be dropped in, but it's OhThePlacesAshGoes, and OH is all kind of like the Dr Seuss book, so that is my Instagram handle to reach out on. And then I have a few different free gifts that I provided for your audience. So one is a body scan.

Speaker 2 23:29

Body scans are really, really amazing. If you catch yourself caught in your head, if you're having doubts, limiting beliefs, or you're just stressed at the end of your day and you really want to just come back to yourself, your center and drop into your body. There's it's amazing what it can do to just have that. I know a lot of my clients will listen before they go to bed to help their mind calms down too, so definitely recommend checking that out. And then also, I do free coaching bi-weekly, so I gave the link in there. If you want to experience my coaching and get some for free as well, you can join that, and I have a free Telegram channel that you could check out, where I share a lot of life updates and different things, really supporting everything that we've talked about in this podcast and diving deeper in as well, so I'd love to see you in there too.

Speaker 1 24:09

That is amazing. Thank you so much. That's so much value, like so many resources. Make sure you guys take advantage of that. And, before we sign off here, ashley, like just so much gold, like you've really just just helped us understand it's, it's in here, right, it's all about being. It's not about doing the money, the success, the family, like all the other stuff comes with it, that comes after, but it's about staying centered, right. So what is like the biggest aha moment? Like that, the tip that you give your clients that the other stuff comes with it, that comes after, but it's about staying centered, right. So what is like the biggest aha moment? Like the tip that you give your clients that they're like, oh my God, this changed my life. Give it away for us here now.

Speaker 2 24:45

Like there's so many ways to go with this. I think I think the biggest aha would really be to just give yourself moments in your day to pause, to slow down, like we're always moving so fast, we're constantly chasing, we're constantly on the go. Our society is so busy, no matter what we do whether it's family, work, life, ourselves Just give yourself some moments throughout the day to just pause and reflect, like, just how do I feel in this moment? How have I felt so far throughout my day? Okay, do I want to keep moving through the day this way, or do I want to keep moving through the day this way, or do I want to shift something here and do I want to feel a different way?

Speaker 2 25:22

And just this awareness throughout our day can be so powerful, because we operate so much on these autopilot patterns and having this awareness to just start to break them up can create huge shifts over time. So I would say just yeah, start to recognize, like give yourself whether you give reminders on your computer or your phone or some posted notes around just remind yourself to have that pause, take a deep breath and then again just notice how you're feeling and if there's a way that you want to shift in over time, like we talked about with this muscle piece, is really going to help shift your life and how you're relating to it and how you're showing up and how you're feeling, which is really going to, I mean, change so much and how you ultimately create that success that you're desiring as well.

Speaker 1 25:59

So yeah, that's awesome, thank you. Thank you so much, ashley. This has been amazing. You guys make sure to grab those freebies. Follow Ashley, take advantage of the free coaching. Like go hang out with her. I'm sure she's got so much. I mean like look in in 30 minutes how much value she gave us. I can only imagine. You know if she does like a personalized thing. You ask her questions. So make sure you go check her out and we will catch you guys next time. Oh, I didn't say all the links are going to be down in the show notes. You guys know that already. But we will catch you guys next time on the next episode of overcome yourself, the podcast. Bye, bye. Thanks for having me, thank you.